NABONGA
1944
0
A treasure hunter in the jungle comes across a white girl and her gorilla companion.
The title alone is enough to make you want to watch this typically cheap and corny jungle adventure, and it's a painless hour and a quarter with likeable leads. Must have been warm in that ape costume...
Dir: Sam Newfield
Stars: Buster Crabbe, Julie London, Barton MacLane, Ray Corrigan
THE NAIL CLIPPERS
1969
**
A couple check into a hotel room and odd things start happening.
Piquant short (12 minutes), an unexpected, strange little pleasure that brings a mildly quizzical smile to the face.
Dir: Jean-Claude Carriere
Stars: Michael Lonsdale, Anne-Marie DeschodtNAKED
1993
**
A Mancunian comes to London and lives rough.
As miserable and glum as they come, but oddly fascinating despite (or perhaps because of) its excesses. What point it's making isn't easy to discern (something about the wastage of humans?), and it's different from most Leigh films to this point - although it does have its share of twitchy, neurotic females who can irritate.
Dir: Mike Leigh
Stars: David Thewlis, Lesley Sharp, Katrin Cartlidge, Claire Skinner, Ewen Bremner
NAKED AND CRUEL
1984
*
Mondo-style documentary about strange customs from around the world.
This latter-day mondo film includes childbirth, crocodile attack, a sex change, violent policemen, animals copulating and more. Some sequences in this occasionally insane opus are all too insultingly staged and harm the veracity of ones that may be real; overall it's not high quality stuff but on television nowadays you can't see anything like this so maybe it deserves a star.
Dir: Bitto Albertini
Narrator: Anthony La Penna
NAKED AND VIOLENT
1993
**
A Mancunian comes to London and lives rough.
As miserable and glum as they come, but oddly fascinating despite (or perhaps because of) its excesses. What point it's making isn't easy to discern (something about the wastage of humans?), and it's different from most Leigh films to this point - although it does have its share of twitchy, neurotic females who can irritate.
Dir: Mike Leigh
Stars: David Thewlis, Lesley Sharp, Katrin Cartlidge, Claire Skinner, Ewen Bremner
NAKED AND CRUEL
1984
*
Mondo-style documentary about strange customs from around the world.
This latter-day mondo film includes childbirth, crocodile attack, a sex change, violent policemen, animals copulating and more. Some sequences in this occasionally insane opus are all too insultingly staged and harm the veracity of ones that may be real; overall it's not high quality stuff but on television nowadays you can't see anything like this so maybe it deserves a star.
Dir: Bitto Albertini
Narrator: Anthony La Penna
NAKED AND VIOLENT
1970
0
Mondo-style documentary concerning the USA, featuring bizarre hippy rituals, disgruntled Native Americans, motorbike racing, topless women at fairgrounds, old people in Miami and much more.
Not surprisingly obscure flick, one of seven mondos given an English narration by Edmund Purdom (o why did you desert England, Edmund?!); wild randomness can't save it from being tedious after a while (there's little that is arresting and much that seems untrue), and finger-wagging is evident, as was often the case. Some of its preaching also foreshadows the US's identity politics nightmares a few decades down the line.
Dir: Sergio Martino
NAKED - AS NATURE INTENDED
1961
0
Three girls on a tour of England are introduced to the joys of nudism.
Seminal in its own way, the most famous nudie of them all is extraordinary stuff, an attractive if meandering travelogue of bygone Britain followed by some brief coy nudity. It's certainly an experience (some might say a deeply boring one).
Dir: George Harrison Marks
Narrator: Guy Kingsley Poynter. Stars: Pamela Green, Jackie Salt, Petrina Forsyth
THE NAKED CITY
1948
**
In New York City, police investigate when a young blonde is found dead in her apartment.
This location-shot thriller is credited with ushering in a new style of filming but its rather humdrum, literal account of a murder investigation now appears dated, although one can still appreciate the looseness of its style.
Dir: Jules Dassin
Stars: Barry Fitzgerald, Howard Duff, Dorothy Hart, Don Taylor
NAKED EVIL
1966
0
Black magic rears its head in modern-day London.
Duff little horror with no personality and a low scare quotient, not helped by having several black cast members who can’t act. In 1973 it was tinted, had crummy new scenes added and was re-released in America under the title Exorcism At Midnight (both versions are included on the R1 DVD).
Dir: Stanley Goulder
Stars: Basil Dignam, Anthony Ainley, Suzanne Neve, Richard Coleman
NAKED FIST
1981
0
A woman searching for her lost sister in the Philippines encounters martial arts and mafia.
Cheap 'n' cheesy actioner with a couple of sequences that are vintage exploitation flick - the chase ending in the topless fight and the seduction with the knife, both of which were probably the reasons this ended up on the 'section 3' video nasties list in the UK. But they don't make it worth watching.
Dir: Cirio H Santiago
Stars: Jillian Kesner, Darby Hinton, Rey Malonzo
THE NAKED GUN
1988
**
An inept cop foils an attempt to assassinate Queen Elizabeth.
The style may be almost identical to Airplane's, but this managed to gee up the comedy genre and spawn a couple of sequels; in itself often very funny though the climactic baseball game goes on for too long and spoils it a bit, at least for non-US audiences.
Dir: David Zucker
Stars: Leslie Nielsen, Priscilla Presley, Ricardo Montalban, George Kennedy, O J Simpson
NAKED - AS NATURE INTENDED
1961
0
Three girls on a tour of England are introduced to the joys of nudism.
Seminal in its own way, the most famous nudie of them all is extraordinary stuff, an attractive if meandering travelogue of bygone Britain followed by some brief coy nudity. It's certainly an experience (some might say a deeply boring one).
Dir: George Harrison Marks
Narrator: Guy Kingsley Poynter. Stars: Pamela Green, Jackie Salt, Petrina Forsyth
THE NAKED CITY
1948
**
In New York City, police investigate when a young blonde is found dead in her apartment.
This location-shot thriller is credited with ushering in a new style of filming but its rather humdrum, literal account of a murder investigation now appears dated, although one can still appreciate the looseness of its style.
Dir: Jules Dassin
Stars: Barry Fitzgerald, Howard Duff, Dorothy Hart, Don Taylor
NAKED ENGLAND
1969
*
Mondo-style documentary featuring a Nazi club, transvestites, trepanation, police beating up criminals, drug addicts in Piccadilly Circus, a seduction class and more.
Seemingly only now available with its Italian audio, this obscure curio offers up mostly fakery - there are all sorts of giveaways, including fake blood and just the fact that certain sequences are so ridiculous - like the Nazi club - that you know they're not true. Rather disappointing largely because of this - it's not quite as much of a time capsule as you'd like - it nevertheless captures a of-its-time vibe and isn't shy of exploiting the then new opportunities to put bare female flesh on the screen. One gets a sense that the Italians knew exactly the film they wanted to make before they came over, and wouldn't be swayed from that.
Dir: Vittorio De Sisti
Narrator: Giuseppe Rinaldi/Edmund Purdom
NAKED EVIL
1966
0
Black magic rears its head in modern-day London.
Duff little horror with no personality and a low scare quotient, not helped by having several black cast members who can’t act. In 1973 it was tinted, had crummy new scenes added and was re-released in America under the title Exorcism At Midnight (both versions are included on the R1 DVD).
Dir: Stanley Goulder
Stars: Basil Dignam, Anthony Ainley, Suzanne Neve, Richard Coleman
NAKED FIST
1981
0
A woman searching for her lost sister in the Philippines encounters martial arts and mafia.
Cheap 'n' cheesy actioner with a couple of sequences that are vintage exploitation flick - the chase ending in the topless fight and the seduction with the knife, both of which were probably the reasons this ended up on the 'section 3' video nasties list in the UK. But they don't make it worth watching.
Dir: Cirio H Santiago
Stars: Jillian Kesner, Darby Hinton, Rey Malonzo
THE NAKED GUN
1988
**
An inept cop foils an attempt to assassinate Queen Elizabeth.
The style may be almost identical to Airplane's, but this managed to gee up the comedy genre and spawn a couple of sequels; in itself often very funny though the climactic baseball game goes on for too long and spoils it a bit, at least for non-US audiences.
Dir: David Zucker
Stars: Leslie Nielsen, Priscilla Presley, Ricardo Montalban, George Kennedy, O J Simpson
THE NAKED GUN 2 1/2: THE SMELL OF FEAR
1991
**
Frank Drebin discovers that his ex-flame is involved in a kidnap plot.
The plot's irrelevant of course, all that matters is the remarkable continual string of gags in the foreground and background; this sequel is quite possibly better than its predecessor, and it's nice to have a movie that is purely dedicated to making people laugh.
Dir: David Zucker
Stars: Leslie Nielsen, Priscilla Presley, George Kennedy, O J Simpson, Richard Griffiths
NAKED GUN 33 1/3: THE FINAL INSULT
1994
0
Drebin comes out of retirement to stop a gang of terrorists.
Mainly feeble, forced and hackneyed farce made chiefly for the money, it feels very different from its two predecessors - maybe those films had bigger budgets, but they certainly had more wit and more gags. The fact that OJ Simpson is in it, just before he committed his murders, doesn't help.
Dir: Peter Segal
Stars: Leslie Nielsen, Priscilla Presley, George Kennedy, OJ Simpson, Fred Ward
THE NAKED GUN
2025
*
Frank Drebin Jr investigates a suicide which may be a murder.
A world that probably needed cheering up had this reboot launched at them, and while it has its moments it's a little disappointing. There are two brilliantly funny bits: the infra red camera making it look like two people (and a dog) are doing unbelievably filthy things, and the car losing its windscreen - then getting another one, besides balloons and bees. Neeson is fine but he's no Nielsen, while most of the other characters don't offer as much comic support as hoped, and as many gags fall flat (like the coffee cup ones) as they do sing. It maybe does a job if you're in the mood.
Dir: Akiva Schaffer
Stars: Liam Neeson, Pamela Anderson, Danny Huston, Paul Walter Hauser
THE NAKED KISS
1964
*
A prostitute tries to leave her old life behind by taking a job at a handicapped children's school, but all does not go smoothly.
Nutty melodrama that shocked at the time; now the average viewer will be part hysterical, part bored (that song), part amazed, part hypnotised. The director may be overrated by some but there's no doubt this is a very unusual movie with a strong personality, full of crazy people yelling at each other about sexual and moral matters.
Dir: Samuel Fuller
Stars: Constance Towers, Anthony Eisley, Karen ConradNAKED LUNCH
1992
*
After getting addicted to the substance he uses to kill insects, an exterminator accidentally kills his wife.
Words can barely describe this movie, which is among the strangest ever made, but it hasn't quite succeeded in becoming as cultish as the book it's based on.
Dir: David Cronenberg
Stars: Peter Weller, Judy Davis, Ian Holm, Julian Sands, Roy Scheider
NAKED MASSACRE
1976
0
A disturbed Vietnam veteran breaks into a house of nurses.
Shot in Belfast, presumably to make some point about the ubiquity of violence, this is a desperately grim movie with little to redeem it – characterisation, humour, tension and suspense are absent, and it’s fairly gruelling, particularly in the final hour. The fact that it was one of the rare films made in Northern Ireland gives it some claim to novelty.
Dir: Denis Heroux
Stars: Mathieu Carrière, Debra Berger, Christine Boisson
1992
*
After getting addicted to the substance he uses to kill insects, an exterminator accidentally kills his wife.
Words can barely describe this movie, which is among the strangest ever made, but it hasn't quite succeeded in becoming as cultish as the book it's based on.
Dir: David Cronenberg
Stars: Peter Weller, Judy Davis, Ian Holm, Julian Sands, Roy Scheider
NAKED MASSACRE
1976
0
A disturbed Vietnam veteran breaks into a house of nurses.
Shot in Belfast, presumably to make some point about the ubiquity of violence, this is a desperately grim movie with little to redeem it – characterisation, humour, tension and suspense are absent, and it’s fairly gruelling, particularly in the final hour. The fact that it was one of the rare films made in Northern Ireland gives it some claim to novelty.
Dir: Denis Heroux
Stars: Mathieu Carrière, Debra Berger, Christine Boisson
THE NAKED SPUR
1953
**
A bounty hunter enlists help to track down a murderer.
It's hard to add anything to what's been written about this film in numerous places: it's intelligent and well-acted, it's a tight, small-scale story, the location shooting in Colorado is excellent, the psychological elements intrigue, it's a solid picture all round.
Dir: Anthony Mann
Stars: James Stewart, Janet Leigh, Robert Ryan, Ralph Meeker
THE NAKED TRUTH
1957
**
Celebrities are targeted by a blackmailer who runs a scandal magazine.
Engaging farce with an excellent cast, including Sellers being given an early chance to show his remarkable versatility as a character who plays several different roles. A fair few big laughs still come to the fore.
Dir: Mario Zampi
Stars: Peter Sellers, Terry-Thomas, Peggy Mount, Shirley Eaton, Dennis Price, Joan Sims
NAKED YOGA
1974
*
Documentary relating the practice of naked yoga to Buddhist philosophy.
This short was actually nominated for an Oscar (Best Documentary, Short Subjects), but dare one imagine that its main fans would have been teenage boys who caught it as a supporting feature? It certainly offers very fit young ladies with no clothes on in Cyprus (funnily enough, a country where public nudity is not allowed), albeit crowded out by psychedelic visuals and other scenery, with an occasional voiceover by blues man Korner; all of which does manage to create a strange, otherworldly atmosphere. A little curio that has a following - 24 minutes is enough, though.
Dir: Paul Corsden
Narrator: Alexis Korner
THE NAME OF THE ROSE
1987
*
A monk investigates deaths in an isolated abbey.
This gloomy murder mystery may look good but it's difficult to care about who the killer really is.
Dir: Jean-Jacques Annaud
Stars: Sean Connery, Christian Slater, Helmut Qualtinger
THE NANNY
1965
***
A boy claims that his nanny is trying to kill him... but no one believes him.
Extremely effective, always compelling horror thriller with great shock moments and a superb lead performance; one of Hammer's very best, it has a distinctively mid-Sixties London feel, excellent photography and characters that are all convincingly written and played.
Dir: Seth Holt
Stars: Bette Davis, Wendy Craig, James Villiers, Jill Bennett, William Dix, Pamela Franklin, Maurice Denham
NANOOK OF THE NORTH
1922
***
Documentary charting the impossibly tough life of a band of Eskimos.
The first feature-length documentary, which may have been partially dramatised by the director, nevertheless remains an outstanding piece of work, capturing a way of existence that to most viewers will seem unimaginable in its hardships. The photography is superb and Nanook's daily ordeals transfix.
Dir: Robert J Flaherty
NAPOLEON
1927
***
Episodes in the life of French general Napoleon Bonaparte.
One of cinema's landmarks, Gance's mammoth project - intended to be the first of six films - has been released in several versions of different lengths over the years. It is unlikely that the five and a half hour version made available on DVD/Blu-ray by the BFI in 2016 will be bettered; newly restored and flawlessly presented, it includes numerous special features including an interview with Carl Davis, who provided the superb new score. The movie itself, with its cross-cutting, double exposures, triptych panels and more, is of course remarkable, and the early scenes in particular - Napoleon as a boy and the Siege of Toulon - and the climactic ones, still grip. It dips in interest in the middle, with a lengthy party sequence, but it's still essential viewing for students of the world's greatest art form.
Dir: Abel Gance
Stars: Albert Deudonne, Andree Standard, Adrien Caillard, Valdimir Roudenko
THE NARROW CORNER
1933
0
On a South Seas island, an escaped murderer meets an engaged temptress.
Maugham's story worked extremely well on the printed page, but this adaptation and another, Isle Of Fury (1936, qv), aren't successes: they fall in the wasteland between literate and exciting. There's little chance to get under the skin of the many interesting characters.
Dir: Alfred E Green
Stars: Douglas Fairbanks Jr, Patricia Ellis, Ralph Bellamy, Reginald Owen
THE NARROW MARGIN
1950
**
A woman planning to testify against the mob is protected against assassins on her long train journey to court.
Tight little B picture, quite suspenseful, well done on a small budget.
Dir: Richard Fleischer
Stars: Charles McGraw, Marie Windsor, Jacqueline White
NASHVILLE
1975
**
Nashville, Tennessee, is the setting for a political rally where various residents and passers-through converge.
A curious film, difficult to categorise, which is largely fairly boring scene for scene - and very long - but somehow coalesces into a quality whole; containing a remarkable amount of music, it's a frustrating slice of cinema in which it's hard to discern any sort of meaning. Is it pompous? Is it mocking? Is it worth the accolades it's been awarded? It's difficult to say. Those familiar with the area or who are big country and western fans may get most out of it - but even they must surely find the Geraldine Chaplin character irritating. The director's most typical movie.
Dir: Robert Altman
Stars: Henry Gibson, Lily Tomlin, Keith Carradine, Karen Black, Geraldine Chaplin, Ned Beatty, Ronee Blakley, Shelley Duvall, Jeff Goldblum
NATHALIE: ESCAPE FROM HELL
1978
0
Nazis imprison a female Russian doctor at a chateau, where she tries to find a missing British agent.
The usual Eurocine stuff, with lots of sleazy goings on familiar to fans, and even some scenes repeated from their earlier movies (including Hitler's Last Train, qv). The dubbing is hysterical, including a posh English-sounding German officer and an actress reading Helga's lines as if she'd just come to them (and, boy, that laugh). It would have been more fun at around 20 minutes shorter.
Dir: Alain Payet
Stars: Patrizia Gori, Jacqueline Laurent, Jack Taylor
NATHALIE GRANGER
1972
0
Two women are visited by a washer salesman.
A synopsis is almost impossible for this comatose art film in which almost nothing happens. Who cares what it means?
Dir: Marguerite Duras
Stars: Lucia Bose, Jeanne Moreau, Gerard Depardieu
THE NATIONAL HEALTH
1973
*
A doctor works in grim conditions in an NHS hospital.
Incisive opening up of a stage play that gets a lot of comic mileage from contrasting life in a real hospital with that of one on a glossy television soap.
Dir: Jack Gold
Stars: Jim Dale, Mervyn Johns, Lynn Redgrave, Bob Hoskins, John Hamill, Colin Blakely, Donald Sinden
NATIONAL LAMPOON’S ANIMAL HOUSE
1978
**
Revolting and rude incidents in a frat house.
Influential comedy that's to blame for much worse films; here the bad taste gags are funnier and better performed than in its imitators.
Dir: John Landis
Stars: John Belushi, Tim Matheson, John Vernon, Tom Hulce
NATIONAL LAMPOON’S CHRISTMAS VACATION
1989
0
The Griswold family's festivities go horribly wrong.
Tedious flim-flam with visual jokes exhausted 30 years ago. Somehow the Griswold kids have got younger since the last film.
Dir: Jeremiah S Chechik
Stars: Chevy Chase, Beverly D'Angelo, Juliette Lewis, Diane Ladd
NATIONAL LAMPOON’S CLASS REUNION
1982
0
A killer lurks at a school reunion.
Slight comedy in which no quality stands out.
Dir: Michael Miller
Stars: Gerrit Graham, Michael Lerner, Misty Rowe
NATIONAL LAMPOON’S EUROPEAN VACATION
1985
*
The Griswolds win a holiday to Europe.
Middling comedy for the uncritical; some countries are more fun than others.
Dir: Amy Heckerling
Stars: Chevy Chase, Beverly D'Angelo, Mel Smith, Robbie Coltrane, Maureen Lipman, Eric Idle
NATIONAL LAMPOON’S LOADED WEAPON
1993
*
A pair of cops take on crooks putting cocaine in biscuits.
Another distant cousin of Airplane, with enough sight gags and movie spoofs to keep the laugh meter ticking.
Dir: Gene Quintano
Stars: Emilio Estevez, Samuel L Jackson, Jon Lovitz, Tim Curry, William Shatner
NATIONAL LAMPOON’S VACATION
1983
*
The Griswolds' drive to a theme park is fraught with problems.
Sunny comedy split into a succession of disasters; the best of the Vacation movies.
Dir: Harold Ramis
Stars: Chevy Chase, Beverly D'Angelo, Randy Quaid, Anthony Michael Hall
THE NATURAL
1984
*
A middle-aged baseball player comes out of nowhere to electrify the game.
A film made by baseball fans for baseball fans - most other folk, including many of us Brits, won't have the time for this sport(s) drama, so saturated is it in the game and Americana (and Robert Redford-ness). Surely it's overlong, though, and meandering, and with sketchy characters?
Dir: Barry Levinson
Stars: Robert Redford, Robert Duvall, Glenn Close, Kim Basinger, Wilford BrimleyNATURAL BORN KILLERS
1994
0
Two psychopaths go on a killing spree which is glorified by the media.
Obnoxious media satire, like being stuck inside a particularly unpleasant nightmare, and not worth the controversy it generated.
Dir: Oliver Stone
Stars: Woody Harrelson, Juliette Lewis, Tom Sizemore, Rodney Dangerfield
NAUGHTY!
1971
*
Semi-documentary looking at the history of pornography.
Long wanted to chronicle the contemporary porn scene, while contrasting it with the past, and he did a pretty good job: the fictional enactments are fairly amusing and the then current-day footage is interesting from a historical perspective - it very much gets under the dirty fingernails of an industry that is just one supplying human beings' natural needs. A decent watch, or is that an indecent watch?
Dir: Stanley A Long
Stars: C Lethbridge-Baker, Lee Donald, Brenda Peters, Jane Cardew
NAUGHTY GIRLS
1975
0
The tales of four English women working abroad in Bangkok, Kuala Lumpur, Bali and Sydney.
An artefact that's fascinating because it's like nothing else you'll ever see (four travelogues interspersed with nakedness, the last of which turns into a bizarre dream) and titillating because the frank eroticness comes out of the innocent-seeming, brightly shot scenarios.
Dir: Peter Shillingford
Stars: Brenda Holder, Angela Unwin
NAUGHTY MARIETTA
1935
*
A French princess avoids an arranged marriage by fleeing to New Orleans.
Well-mounted operetta whose appeal will be somewhat narrower now than it was at the time. Lanchester's bits survive best.
Dir: Robert Z Leonard, WS Van Dyke
Stars: Jeanette MacDonald, Nelson Eddy, Frank Morgan, Elsa Lanchester
NAUSICAA OF THE VALLEY OF THE WIND
1984
*
A princess attempts to stop two nations from destroying themselves.
One of the first and best anime epics, full of brashly colourful and imaginative imagery.
Dir: Hayao Miyazaki
Voices: Patrick Stewart, Uma Thurman, Edward James Olmos
THE NAVIGATOR
1924
**
A rich pair of young folk find themselves alone and adrift at sea.
Measured comedy in which the star exhibits his ability to be creative if not sympathetic.
Dir: Donald Crisp, Buster Keaton
Stars: Buster Keaton, Frederick Vroom
THE NAVIGATOR
1988
0
Seeking relief from the plague, a boy leads a tribe from 14th century England to 20th century New Zealand.
Incomprehensible fantasy, a dank and dark oddity which will bring a chill to most audiences.
Dir: Vincent Ward
Stars: Bruce Lyons, Chris Haywood
NETHERWORLD
1991
0
A young man discovers that his father is raising the dead.
Tragic horror rubbish from the notoriously woeful Charles Band stable.
Dir: David Schmoeller
Stars: Michael Bendetti, Denise Gentile, Holly Floria
NETWORK
1976
**
A newsman about to sacked announces that he will commit suicide on air.
Deeply cynical satire with most of the cast hot under the collar, it packs a punch initially but fades in the second half.
Dir: Sidney Lumet
Stars: Peter Finch, Faye Dunaway, William Holden, Robert Duvall, Ned Beatty
NEVER BACK LOSERS
1961
*
An insurance man investigates a horse racing scam.
Another 'just-about-one-star' Edgar Wallace Mystery, with a plot that doesn't make much sense and an odd climax, but a good turn from Patrick Magee and his unusual voice.
Dir: Robert Tronson
Stars: Jack Hedley, Jacqueline Ellis, Patrick Magee
NEVER LET GO
1960
**
A cosmetics salesman tracks down car thieves who have stolen his prize possession.
Gritty small-scale thriller, about as strong as could be at the time, notable for giving Sellers a villainous role, which he accepts with relish - as the film progresses he becomes increasingly deranged until he practically explodes. It's also an interesting study of middle-aged angst, with Todd's character trying to prove he's not already on the scrapheap - getting his car back validates him. Plus, the location shooting adds atmosphere.
Dir: John Guillermin
Stars: Richard Todd, Peter Sellers, Elizabeth Sellars, Adam Faith, Carol White, Mervyn Johns, David Lodge
NEVER MENTION MURDER
1964
0
A doctor plans to do away with the man having an affair with his wife.
Edgar Wallace Mystery which doesn't hang together as well as some - there's much focus on the cold, unsympathetic lead which gives it a built-in disadvantage.
Dir: John Nelson Burton
Stars: Dudley Foster, Maxine Audley, Michael Coles, Pauline Yates
NEVER MIND THE QUALITY FEEL THE WIDTH
1973
0
The trials and tribulations of a tailors shop partnership owned by a Jew and an Irish Catholic.
This film version of a popular British television series follows the template that so many did during this decade: old episodes stitched together plus a dash of (titillating) nudity and a trip to foreign climes. Agreeably natured but full of things that tedious people would no doubt manage to get 'offended' by these days, it's not one of the worst adaps of its kind, with a clutch of smiles, but still isn't what you could unflinchingly call good. Future historians might be astounded by how white the East End looks here.
Dir: Ronnie Baxter
Stars: John Bluthal, Joe Lynch, Yootha Joyce, Wendy King
NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN
1983
*
James Bond looks for two stolen American warheads.
Connery's last and unofficial Bond movie is unfortunately one of the very worst of the lot, and surely all of the blame can't be attached to the production and legal troubles that beset it. The too-old lead, a less cool and dynamic version of his former self, creaks through a film that has a nasty, cheap Eighties sheen from the start and, aside from the fight in the hospital, has very few memorable setpieces: the computer game battle, in which it's impossible to tell what's actually happening, is a particular low, and the underwater sequences in no way match up to Thunderball's. Blofeld might as well not be here (though Brandauer is a decent villain) and the climax is a completely damp squib. To be sure, it misses the James Bond Theme, some of the regular actors and much of the official iconography, but it still should have been much better than this.
Dir: Irvin Kershner
Stars: Sean Connery, Klaus Maria Brandauer, Kim Basinger, Barbara Carrera, Max von Sydow, Alec McCowen, Edward Fox, Rowan Atkinson, Valerie Leon, Pat Sharp
NEVER TAKE SWEETS FROM A STRANGER
1960
**
The daughter of an English couple in Canada appears to have been abused by a wealthy old man in the district.
Remarkable that it was even made, and now even more uncomfortable to watch because of paedophilia in the news, this is a tightly made, fascinating movie that won’t turn up on TV soon. The old man is actually one of the most terrifying monsters Hammer ever created and the final act, after the courtroom sequences have concluded, is full of memorable imagery and suspense.
Dir: Cyril Frankel
Stars: Gwen Watford, Patrick Allen, Felix Aylmer
NEVER TOO YOUNG TO ROCK
1975
0
In near-future England, the authorities try to squash rock'n'roll.
Proof that terrible films can still be canny time capsules, this ramshackle oddity features many of the bigger glam rock outfits of the era amidst a threadbare storyline (that kind of disappears before the end) - it's a Tragical History Tour. The music varies in quality, the storytelling doesn't (it's always low), but acolytes of this stuff may have some fun.
Dir: Dennis Abey
Stars: Peter Denyer, Freddie Jones, Sheila Steafel, John Clive
NEVER WEAKEN
1921
**
A boy attempts suicide when he thinks his girl has been unfaithful, but somehow ends up dangling from a scaffold instead.
The first half is moderately funny, as Harold tries to drum up business for an osteopath venture, but the second half, in which he does his daredevil stuff, is the focal point of this career-defining short.
Dir: Fred C Newmeyer
Stars: Harold Lloyd, Mildred Davis
THE NEVERENDING STORY
1985
0
A troubled boy dives into a fantasy world through the pages of a strange book.
Well meaning but unmagical children's fantasy with lumpy special effects.
Dir: Wolfgang Petersen
Stars: Barret Oliver, Gerald McRaney, Deep Roy, Patricia Hayes
THE NEW ADVENTURES OF SNOW WHITE
1969
0
Two bungling fools get involved in some fairy tales.
Peculiar German fantasy, the first in the 'fairy tales for adults' genre, full of allusions to bestiality and bizarre scenes that in some cases are actually close to the original source material. It's too goofy and ambling, though would the viewing of an uncut HD quality edition with proper audio make it a better experience? Quite possibly.
Dir: Rolf Thiele
Stars: Marie Liljedahl, Eva Reuber-Staier, Gaby Fuchs
THE NEW ADVENTURES OF TARZAN
1935
0
Tarzan searches for a lost friend in the jungle.
An edited down feature version of a serial of the same name, and considering it's had around three hours chopped out of it is still full of dull bits.
Dir: Edward A Kull
Stars: Herman Brix (Bruce Bennett), Ula Holt, Frank Baker
NEW JACK CITY
1989
**
A police detective vows to stop a powerful crime lord.
Powerful, exciting thriller highlighting a modern-day tragedy.
Dir: Mario Van Peebles
Stars: Wesley Snipes, Ice-T, Chris Rock, Mario Van Peebles
THE NEW LAND
1972
***
Struggles of newly arrived Swedes in America in the mid 19th century.
Direct follow-up to The Emigrants (qv) that deepens and widens the drama, with more time given to Axberg's character in scenes that often become impressionistic. The two films put together would make for an immersive, high quality television series, and that is indeed what happened; this is important viewing for those with affection for foreign-language cinema or of a historical bent (it is the purest distillation of what the American dream is that could be wished for). One of the many interesting things to note is how these immigrants were - by and large - happy to embrace their new country and have respect for its way of life.
Dir: Jan Troell
Stars: Max von Sydow, Liv Ullmann, Eddie Axberg, Pierre Lindstedt
THE NEW ORIGINAL WONDER WOMAN
1975 (TV)
0
A woman clad in a skimpy red, white and blue costume helps fight the Nazis.
If this tries to be hilarious it succeeds admirably, and the series that followed was of a similar standard.
Dir: Leonard Horn
Stars: Lynda Carter, Lyle Waggoner, John Randolph, Red Buttons
NEW TOWN UTOPIA
2017
*
Documentary about Basildon, a post-war New Town that has had varying fortunes over the years.
Anyone coming to this intriguing film should be aware that it has an agenda: it's told very much from a socialist viewpoint, and most of its contributors are from an artistic background, rather than ordinary families. This means that its focus is quite narrow; it wants to blame many of its problems on Thatcherism as opposed to the multitude of other factors that have shaped it, or the 1945 Labour government that actually created it (even though it has returned a Conservative MP for most of the post-1979 period), and forgets that, in a free market, the people get what the people want, by and large. Some of the photography is impressive (it's reminiscent of Patrick Keiller's Robinson trilogy (qv)), even Kubrick-esque at times, and it will undoubtedly gain period charm in the future.
Dir: Christopher Ian Smith
NEW YEAR’S EVIL
1981
0
A psycho threatens to kill women on the strike of each New Year in different time zones.
Rubbishy horror with little talent in evidence.
Dir: Emmett Alston
Stars: Roz Kelly, Kip Niven
NEW YORK DOLL
2005
**
Documentary about the bass player of the New York Dolls and his fall from grace until a 2005 reformation of the band.
Slight but perfectly formed biopic that mainly focuses on the fragile Kane's remarkable return to music, just before his unfortunate death.
Dir: Greg Whiteley
Stars: Arthur 'Killer' Kane, Morrissey, Bob Geldof, Mick Jones
NEW YORK, NEW YORK
1977
**
The day World War 2 ends, a musician and a singer begin a love affair.
Great to look at and technically supreme (some of the numbers are electrifying) but this big band homage isn't quite what it might have been - perhaps it's too long.
Dir: Martin Scorsese
Stars: Liza Minnelli, Robert De Niro, Lionel Stander
THE NEW YORK RIPPER
1981
*
A detective and psychoanalyst team up to hunt a serial killer.
Explicit shocker which alternates between extreme sexual violence and long passages of dialogue but just about maintains its grip.
Dir: Lucio Fulci
Stars: Jack Hedley, Almanta Suska, Howard Ross
THE NEXT ONE
1984
0
A widow on a Greek island meets a mysterious figure from the future.
Boring religious sci-fi never theatrically released in Britain.
Dir: Nico Mastorakis
Stars: Keir Dullea, Adrienne Barbeau, Peter Hobbs
NIAGARA
1952
**
Marital tension leads to murder in the setting of Niagara Falls.
One of the movies that helped send Monroe into the stratosphere, this location-shot thriller is extremely handsome, albeit sometimes at the expense of edginess and suspense.
Dir: Henry Hathaway
Stars: Marilyn Monroe, Joseph Cotten, Jean Peters
NICHOLAS AND ALEXANDRA
1971
*
Tsar Nicholas finds the Russian people turning against him.
Not as heavy-going as it might have been, this three-hour historical epic is pretty well done, with lots of fine character actors popping up; its snowiness possibly helped it become a sometime fixture of Christmas TV schedules. It's certainly much more watchable than Fiddler On The Roof.
Dir: Franklin J Schaffner
Stars: Michael Jayston, Janet Suzman, Roderic Noble, Tom Baker, Jack Hawkins, Harry Andrews, Laurence Olivier
NICK KNIGHT
1989 (TV)
0
A vampire detective investigates when bodies drained of blood are found.
Not a bad idea but shot like a pop video and therefore hollow.
Dir: Farhad Mann
Stars: Rick Springfield, Irene Miracle, Richard Fancy
NICKELODEON
1976
0
A young man starts a career around the time of the birth of the movie industry.
Unsatisfactory attempt to make nostalgia funny - details of early filmmaking are amusing but the imitations of its slapstick style are decidedly unamusing.
Dir: Peter Bogdanovich
Stars: Ryan O'Neal, Burt Reynolds, Tatum O'Neal, Stella Stevens
NIGHT AFTER NIGHT AFTER NIGHT
1969
0
A transvestite judge is suspected of terrorising London prostitutes.
Simplistic, lurid shocker from the low rent end of the industry, it descends into delightful sleaziness as the judge goes off the deep end.
Dir: Lindsay Shonteff
Stars: Jack May, Justine Lord, Linda Marlowe
NIGHT AND DAY
1946
*
The life of musician Cole Porter.
Highly fictionalised, artificial-feeling biopic with a miscast lead; the real-life story would have made for a superior film. It doesn't even feature that many of Porter's best tunes, but some are well staged.
Dir: Michael Curtiz
Stars: Cary Grant, Alexis Smith, Monty Woolley, Jane Wyman
NIGHT AND THE CITY
1950
***
An American hustler in London hatches a scheme to become a powerful wrestling promoter but is brought down by his greedy impulses.
Like a fine wine, this noirish thriller has improved with age; strikingly shot on location, it twists its plot hither and thither, presents some virtuoso set pieces (the wrestling match is bewitching) and offers a marvellous array of dodgy characters, with even those in small parts given life. The 2007 DVD release is the one to watch as it has a gleaming print of the movie and an important featurette showing the differences between the US and UK versions – the US version is the preferable one, partly due to its livelier score.
Dir: Jules Dassin
Stars: Richard Widmark, Francis L Sullivan, Gene Tierney, Googie Withers, Herbert Lom, Hugh Marlowe, Stanislaus Zbyszko
NIGHT ANGEL
1989
0
A beautiful woman is possessed by an evil, murderous spirit.
Mediocre horror with a few choice gory moments atoning for the lack of fresh ideas.
Dir: Dominique Othenin-Girard
Stars: Isa Jank, Karen black, Gary Hudson
A NIGHT AT THE OPERA
1935
**
The Marx Brothers help out an aspiring opera singer.
Dated antics generally, but much-loved by Marx fanatics.
Dir: Sam Wood
Stars: Groucho Marx, Chico Marx, Harpo Marx, Margaret Dumont
THE NIGHT CALLER
1965
*
Aliens arrive on Earth looking for women to breed with.
Slow starting, studio-set sci-fi which picks up midway then comes to an unedifying conclusion.
Dir: John Gilling
Stars: John Saxon, Alfred Burke, Maurice Denham
THE NIGHT CHILD
1975
0
A young girl is possessed by the spirit of a murderess.
Nicely shot but somewhat pedestrian horror, especially keen on the colour red.
Dir: Massimo Dallamano
Stars: Richard Johnson, Joanna Cassidy, Nicoletta Elmi, Edmund Purdom
NIGHT CREATURES
1962
**
In an 18th century Cornish town, locals are scared by what appear to be phantoms on horseback.
Also known as Captain Clegg, this is another version of a story filmed at least another two times, but this is perhaps the best one: Cushing is as splendid as ever (his character a little more complex than sometimes), backed by a fine cast, and the production bears all the hallmarks of Hammer's general prudent efficiency. Nice colour, too.
Dir: Peter Graham Scott
Stars: Peter Cushing, Oliver Reed, Patrick Allen, Yvonne Romain, Michael Ripper, David Lodge
THE NIGHT DIGGER
1971
0
A middle-aged spinster takes on a young handyman with a dark secret.
Lacklustre shocker short on suspense, very similar to Night Must Fall (qv).
Dir: Alastair Reid
Stars: Patricia Neal, Pamela Brown, Yootha Joyce, Peter Sallis
THE NIGHT EVELYN CAME OUT OF THE GRAVE
1971
0
A debauched Lord abducts and tortures women who resemble his dead wife.
Overlong horror which follows a not unpredictable path towards a twist-packed conclusion; there are choice moments of kinkiness and some tasty visuals, but it's all pretty daft in the familiar Italian thriller fashion.
Dir: Emilio Miraglia
Stars: Anthony Steffen, Marina Malfatti, Enzo Tarascio
NIGHT FERRY
1976
*
Children attempt to stop criminals smuggling a valuable sarcophagus out of the country.
As so often with Children's Film Foundation productions, the location photography is the thing: here we get lots of lovely railway footage, including the London to Dover to Paris/Brussels night ferry, which ceased service just four years later. Funny to think the locations would barely have been noted by the young audience, most of whom would have just enjoyed the hectic chasing around.
Dir: David Eady
Stars: Bernard Cribbins, Aubrey Morris, Graham Fletcher, Jeremy Bulloch
NIGHT HAIR CHILD
1971
*
A 12-year-old boy has a strange attraction to his father's new bride.
Bizarre exploitation film that's a unique experience, with all sorts of perverse and sleazy overtones; it's actually not a bad movie, if a little ploddy and vague at times, benefiting from a low-key approach and the lead actress at her most beautiful. Worth seeing, although censors may prove to be an obstacle.
Dir: James Kelley, Andrea Bianchi
Stars: Britt Ekland, Mark Lester, Hardy Kruger, Harry Andrews
NIGHT HAS A THOUSAND EYES
1948
*
A clairvoyant predicts many incidents including his own death.
Efficient spooky drama along similar lines to 1935's The Clairvoyant (qv).
Dir: John Farrow
Stars: Edward G Robinson, Gail Russell, Virginia Bruce, Onslow Stevens
NIGHT MAIL
1936
**
Documentary that follows the mail's journey from post box to letterbox, from south to north.
A few scenes in the manner of Harry Enfield's Mr Cholmondley-Warner only go to make this fondly remembered short even more endearing. More importantly, it provides a fascinating record of a vanished Britain and its working practices; there's a little fakery, but brisk editing, top photography and some poetry from WH Auden have ensured its longevity.
Dir: Harry Watt, Basil Wright
Narrator: John Grierson, Stuart Legg
NIGHT TRAIN MURDERS
1975
*
A pair of scumbags terrorise a pair of girls going home for Christmas on the train.
A retread of Last House On The Left that’s possibly even more sleazy and unsettling but sets its nastiest moments in the dark (which is dark blue). It starts hesitantly, and the opening and closing theme song is ill-chosen, but by the end it’s done its dodgy Euro exploitation job.
Dir: Aldo Lado
Stars: Flavio Bucci, Macha Meril, Irene Miracle, Gianfranco De Grassi
NIGHT TRAIN TO TERROR
1985
0
Sat on a train, which also houses a group of singers and dancers, God and Satan have a discussion about evil, which is illustrated by three stories.
Hilariously awful horror anthology which besides the above throws in claymation and some gore and sleaze; all three tales were actually badly edited bits of other movies, (Scream Your Head Off, The Death Wish Club and Cataclysm, all also known under different titles), and it shows - number three actually seems like three different plots in one! A hysterical treat for those who love bad horrors and Eighties-isms.
Dir: John Carr etc
Stars: Ferdy Mayne, Tony Giorgio, John Phillip Law
THE NIGHT VISITOR
1971
**
Murders are blamed on a prisoner who has escaped from an asylum.
Unusual and really quite good Scandinavian thriller that gains immeasurably from its barren, snowy setting - it's best watched on a chilly winter's night (the slightly faded film stock actually helps). A little slow to begin, certain scenes towards the end are nicely Hitchcockian in nature.
Dir: Laslo Benedek
Stars: Max von Sydow, Trevor Howard, Liv Ullmann, Rupert Davies
THE NIGHT WALKER
1964
*
A woman's dreams of a terrifying man seem to be coming true.
Artificial but scary shocker with a couple of twists.
Dir: William Castle
Stars: Robert Taylor, Barbara Stanwyck, Judi Meredith
NIGHT WAS OUR FRIEND
1951
0
A man thought dead returns to his wife, who has met someone else.
Stiff mystery drama with almost no mystery. Gough's usually worth watching but this is very plain fare.
Dir: Michael Anderson
Stars: Michael Gough, Elizabeth Sellars, Ronald Howard
NIGHT WATCH
1973
*
A rich widow recovering from a nervous breakdown witnesses a murder but no one believes her.
Reasonably effective chiller with as unexpected a climax as could be hoped for.
Dir: Brian G Hutton
Stars: Elizabeth Taylor, Laurence Harvey, Billie Whitelaw, Linda Hayden
NIGHTBEAST
1982
0
A reptilian alien arrives in a small town where it vaporises the locals.
Gloriously abysmal sci-fi horror, about as inane as they get, a mad mix of childish special effects and strong gore, rounded off by one of the least erotic sex scenes ever committed to film.
Dir: Don Dohler
Stars: Tom Griffith, Jamie Zemarel, Karin Kardian
NIGHTBIRDS
1970
0
Two lost souls come together in contemporary London.
Thought lost for many years, this is an unusual film for Milligan, mostly known for his cheapjack horrors, and while it has a sort of hardy rawness, poor acting and not-very-interesting dialogue dissipate its effectiveness. Too many scenes go nowhere; maybe with a bigger budget it could have achieved more - but then again, maybe not.
Dir: Andy Milligan
Stars: Berwick Kaler, Julie Shaw
NIGHTBREED
1990
*
A serial killer goes after a band of mutants.
An attempt to create a Tolkienish world and fill it with gory set pieces delivered at pace; the creator's fans may enjoy it but the casual viewer is likely to feel detached from the action.
Dir: Clive Barker
Stars: Craig Sheffer, David Cronenberg, Anne Bobby
NIGHTFLYERS
1987
0
A group of scientists realise the computer aboard their spaceship is trying to kill them.
Murky sci-fi with tedious over-use of hardware and dank, unattractive sets.
Dir: Robert Collector
Stars: Catherine Mary Stewart, Michael Praed, John Standing
NIGHTHAWKS
1978
**
A gay London school teacher has a succession of lovers.
Credited as the first British film to properly show the gay scene, this informally played drama is very much a semi-professional effort, painfully pieced together over several years: the drawbacks of this are that there are some sequences where little happens that should have been excised, the dialogue lacks sheen and zip, and many of the actors crash each other's lines, but not in a natural way; on the upside it unerringly captures late Seventies grottiness and shadowy homosexual lifestyles, from the sweaty clubs to the cold and squalid bedsits peopled by pale-skinned, hungry souls. Its non-demonstrative style suits the subject matter well and certain scenes, particularly the one in the classroom when the pupils quiz Jim on his sexuality, have great raw power.
Dir: Ron Peck
Stars: Ken Robertson, Tony Westrope, Rachel Nicholas James
NIGHTHAWKS 2: STRIP JACK NAKED
1991
*
The director of Nighthawks talks about his life and the struggle to get his film made, largely accompanied by scenes from the original that failed to make it to the screen.
Another personal project for Peck, this should be of interest to scholars of gay history in modern Britain, although he almost spoils things with some fatuous comments on the Falklands War. Cut sequences from the 1978 film recall its mood and occasional perspicacity; this brave brace of pictures is worth seeing. Who's Jack?
Dir/Narrator: Ron Peck
NIGHTMARE
1964
**
A schoolgirl whose mother was insane appears to be descending into madness too.
Unlikely and calculable it may be, but this Hammer effort is eminently watchable and genuinely scary, thanks in no small part to excellent black and white photography of wintry locations.
Dir: Freddie Francis
Stars: David Knight, Moira Redmond, Jennie Linden, George A Cooper
NIGHTMARE
1981
0
An escaped mental patient goes on a killing spree.
One of the 39 movies branded as 'video nasties' in 1980s Britain, most of which would disappoint viewers tracking them down years later (they'd acquired celebrity status); this is grim stuff enlivened by some over the top gore effects.
Dir: Romano Scavolini
Stars: Baird Stafford, Sharon Smith, CJ Cooke
THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS
1993
*
The Pumpkin King aims to turn Christmas into another Halloween.
Quirky, cleverly animated fantasy which may appeal to adults more than children.
Dir: Henry Selick
Voices: Danny Elfman, Chris Sarandon, Catherine O'Hara
NIGHTMARE CITY
1980
0
The occupants of an aeroplane are exposed to radiation and turn into bloodthirsty zombies.
While never in any danger of being in the category of 'good', this energetic horror film serves up plenty of trashy treats, including lots of amusing gore and violence, gore and violence that previously got it into trouble with the British authorities but now looks comic book-esque. Fans of insane Italian Dawn Of The Dead rip-offs will find much to like.
Dir: Umberto Lenzi
Stars: Hugo Stiglitz, Laura Trotter, Maria Rosaria Omaggio
NIGHTMARE HONEYMOON
1973
0
Two newlyweds are terrorised by two killer rapists.
Depressing shocker which immerses the viewer in misery and vice.
Dir: Elliot Silverstein
Stars: John Beck, Jim Boles
NIGHTMARE MAKER
1982
*
A 17-year-old boy is taken care of by his aunt, who is mad and getting madder.
Twisted creepy that can’t quite sustain its plot – it’s not that it’s too absurd (although it is) but it hasn’t got the courage of its sleazy convictions. Still, it’s one of the more thoughtful video nasties and can genuinely fuel nightmares.
Dir: William Asher
Stars: Jimmy McNichol, Susan Tyrell, Bo Svenson
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET
1985
**
A girl's sleep is disturbed by dreams of a killer with razors on his gloves, Fred Krueger.
Slick horror comic with plenty of wild invention, it introduced a new first-class bogeyman and became its director's biggest hit. The pacing is a tad off but its imagination ensures a fair few memorable and iconic fright sequences.
Dir: Wes Craven
Stars: John Saxon, Heather Langenkamp, Robert Englund, Johnny Depp
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET PART 2: FREDDY’S REVENGE
1986
0
A teenage boy is pursued by Freddy in his dreams and real life.
Ill-starred sequel which lies there and dies there.
Dir: Jack Sholder
Stars: Mark Patton, Robert Englund, Clu Gulager, Sydney Walsh
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET PART 3: DREAM WARRIORS
1987
*
Nancy fights back against the razor-bladed one.
Corny stuff with a few stunning special effects.
Dir: Chuck Russell
Stars: Heather Langenkamp, Robert Englund, Craig Wasson, Patricia Arquette
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET PART 4: THE DREAM MASTER
1988
0
Freddy terrorises the sleeping hours of the remaining Dream Warriors.
Contrived trick effects leap out of an incohesive whole.
Dir: Renny Harlin
Stars: Robert Englund, Tuesday Knight, Lisa Wilcox
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 5: THE DREAM CHILD
1989
0
Alice battles Freddy once more.
More young and beautiful Americans dismembered in dazzlingly inventive ways, which keeps one's mind off the ridiculous plot.
Dir: Stephen Hopkins
Stars: Robert Englund, Lisa Wilcox, Erika Anderson
Sequels: Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare, Wes Craven's New Nightmare, Freddy Vs Jason (all qv)
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET
2010
0
Dour reboot which wasn't especially necessary; it goes for grit and a less campy Freddy but is short of originality in other areas.
Dir: Samuel Bayer
Stars: Jackie Earle Hayley, Kyle Gallner, Rooney Mara
NIGHTMARE VACATION
1983
0
Campers start dying in mysterious ways.
A movie probably too bad even for middle-of-the-night satellite TV exposure, this truly awful melding of Friday The 13th and Degrassi Junior High caps it all off with the most inept twist ever.
Dir: Robert Hiltzik
Stars: Felissa Rose, Jonathan Tiersten
NIGHTMARE WEEKEND
1986
0
A scientist turns three college girls into hideous mutants.
Sloppy and senseless shocker which borrows the idea of a deadly silver ball from Phantasm (qv).
Dir: Henry Sala
Stars: Debbie Laster, Dale Midkiff
NIGHTMARES
1983
*
Four horror stories: Terror In Topanga, Bishop Of Battle, The Benediction and Night Of The Rat.
Competent anthology with the most effective moments coming in the first two stories.
Dir: Joseph Sargent
Stars: Emilio Estevez, Gary Cervantes, Lance Henriksen
NIGHTMARES COME AT NIGHT
1970
0
A woman has recurring nightmares of killing people.
Bamboozling balderdash, terrible on every level.
Dir: Jess Franco
Stars: Diana Lorys, Paul Muller, Soledad Miranda
THE NIGHTS OF TERROR
1981
0
Re-awoken zombies attack a party of socialites.
One for the horror fan who isn't too bothered if there's no plot, characterisation, logic, sane dialogue, decent acting, proper pacing or variety of action: but you could, just about, make an argument that it deliberately plays out like a bad dream and that the unrelenting tide of terror is effective on a visceral level. That's highly debatable, but it does have good zombie make-up and a unique charge due to its bizarre sleaze - there aren't many films where a midget actor plays a young boy who fancies his mother and, in a zombiefied state, bites her breast off...
Dir: Andrea Bianchi
Stars: Karin Well, Gianluigi Chirizzi, Simone Mattioli, Antonella Antinori, Pietro Barzocchini
NIGHTWING
1979
0
Killer bats plague an Indian reservation in New Mexico.
Weary horror with the odd diversion.
Dir: Arthur Hiller
Stars: David Warner, Nick Mancuso, Kathryn Harrold
NIKITA
1990
*
A female criminal is given a new identity and trained to become a super-spy.
French thriller accessible enough to be attractive to international audiences.
Dir: Luc Besson
Stars: Anne Parillaud, Marc Duret, Patrick Fontana
NIL BY MOUTH
1997
**
Desperate lives in a working class district of South London.
An all-too believable portrayal of life in what to many will look like an urban hell – but these people take solace from family and tradition, as well as escaping into drugs and drink. Note the final scenes and what they say about what has gone on before and the cycle of these characters’ lives. Much of what can be written about it has been voiced many times before: Winstone’s performance is mighty, the rest of the cast is excellent too; the film is obviously a highly personal project by the director; it’s bracing and well shot. It would have been even better at a shorter length – the Billy character’s tale should have been curtailed a little.
Dir: Gary Oldman
Stars: Ray Winstone, Kathy Burke, Charlie Creed-Miles, Laila Morse
9 AGES OF NAKEDNESS
1969
0
Nine sketches featuring the nudes through the ages.
Nutty rag bag of barely scripted tat, quite strong for the time - in fact it commits the cardinal sin of a saucy film: too much nudity.
Dir: George Harrison Marks
Narrator: Charles Gray. Stars: George Harrison Marks, Sue Bond
NINE 1/2 WEEKS
1986
0
A man and a woman have an intense sexual relationship.
Glossy but boring 'erotic' drama shot like a pop video, it became a big commercial success because people thought there was more nudity in it than there actually was.
Dir: Adrian Lyne
Stars: Mickey Rourke, Kim Basinger, Margaret Whitton
THE NINE DEMONS
1984
0
A kung fu expert gets demonic powers to avenge the death of his father.
Bizarre nonsense consisting of endless fights, somersaults, wire work, jump cuts, crash zooms and slappy sound effects. Although it's imaginative and frantic, the novelty soon palls thanks to its one-tone feel (all either tussles or talk); the ultimate effect is numbness.
Dir: Cheh Chang
Stars: Tien-Chi Cheng, Li Wang, Fu-Chien Chang, Seng Chiang
NINE LIVES
2016
0
An unlikeable businessman becomes trapped in the body of a cat.
Laughless comedy which never begins to work; watching cat videos on YouTube is vastly preferable. Spacey is less amusing as the cat as Bill Murray was as Garfield, and the moggy's meowing is really annoying.
Dir: Barry Sonnenfeld
Stars: Kevin Spacey, Jennifer Garner, Christopher Walken, Robbie Amell, Cheryl Hines
NINE QUEENS
2002
***
Two con men try to swindle a stamp collector by selling him fake rare stamps.
Possibly the best film ever to come out of Argentina is an intense, gripping tale full of clever twists which makes for sophisticated adult entertainment.
Dir: Fabian Bielinsky
Stars: Gaston Pauls, Ricardo Darin, Leticia Bredice
NINE SONGS
2004
0
A couple go to rock concerts and have sex.
An experiment in irregular narrative complete with explicit sex; it is neither endearing nor enlightening.
Dir: Michael Winterbottom
Stars: Kieran O'Brien, Margo Stilley
THE NINES
2007
*
An actor, a writer and a videogame maker, who look remarkably similar, find their lives mysteriously intertwining.
A movie that relishes its own state of perpetual confusion – which is all very well, but it courts danger in never making it clear to the viewer what is happening. The ending doesn’t make things completely obvious either, and the whole film looks like it was expressly designed to send its audiences to internet message boards after its conclusion.
Dir: John August
Stars: Ryan Reynolds, Melissa McCarthy, Hope Davis, Elle Fanning
1984
1956
0
Winston Smith battles against an all-powerful totalitarian state.
Worn version of Orwell’s novel that lacks style and panache; the lead could barely be more ill-chosen – a chubby American who has only one expression – the relationship between Winston and Julia never convinces, and you don’t see a single rat in Room 101. The adaptation below is much superior.
Dir: Michael Anderson
Stars: Edmond O’Brien, Michael Redgrave, Jan Sterling, David Kossoff, Mervyn Johns, Donald Pleasence
1941
1979
*
After Pearl Harbour is bombed, Americans expect a Japanese invasion.
Manic farce in which subtly is not on the menu; instead we have big, brash comic episodes that are only occasionally amusing.
Dir: Stephen Spielberg
Stars: Dan Aykroyd, Ned Beatty, John Belushi, Christopher Lee, Tim Matheson
NINETY DEGREES IN THE SHADE
1965
**
A woman is asked to take the rap for her lover when theft is uncovered at his shop.
What makes this obscure drama a pleasing discovery is its unusualness and off-kilter way of making things seem unsettled and unsettling, from its Prague setting to its dubbed voices to its strange score. Most of the characters have fascinating faces to look at – including the beautiful lead actress – and there are interesting themes going on, including ones on the alienation and desperation in some people’s lives, and a few vaguely Hitchcockian suspense scenes (the scene with the bottles in the cellar recalls Notorious).
Dir: Jiri Weiss
Stars: Anne Heywood, James Booth, Rudolf Hrusinsky, Donald Wolfit, Ann Todd
1917
2019
***
In World War I, two young soldiers are given the onerous task of delivering a vital message to their colleagues in a different division.
The astonishing technical achievements of this picture somewhat overshadow the on-screen dramatics: the viewer is more likely to think 'How did the production designers and special effects wizards do that?' rather than be absorbed in the characters' travails. And the film does in many ways resemble a triple-A videogame - perhaps that's why it was such a success. But it feels big, it feels like an event, probably enough to mask its script deficiencies, if not quite enough to stop one thinking that movies tend to benefit from edits - they help eliminate the more mundane bits, for a start.
Dir: Sam Mendes
Stars: Dean Charles-Chapman, George MacKay, Colin Firth, Andrew Scott
NINJA 3: THE DOMINATION
1985
*
An evil ninja possesses a woman in order to finish his dirty work.
Fast moving nonsense with a surfeit of action-packed tear-ups.
Dir: Sam Firstenberg
Stars: Sho Kosugi, Lucinda Dickey, Jordan Bennett
NINOTCHKA
1939
**
A Russian woman in Paris is attracted to a man who represents everything she should hate.
Much imitated comedy which flies until the final half hour (roughly after the words 'Garbo laughs' have been uttered, in fact).
Dir: Ernst Lubitsch
Stars: Greta Garbo, Melvyn Douglas, Ina Claire, Bela Lugosi
THE NINTH GATE
1999
*
A book dealer is drawn into a supernatural quagmire.
Conventional, methodically paced horror in which you expect more to happen than actually does.
Dir: Roman Polanski
Stars: Johnny Depp, Frank Langella, Lena Olin, Emmanuelle Seigner
NIXON
1996
**
The life of President Richard Nixon, whose time in the White House ended in disgrace.
Very Oliver Stone - a meaty biopic, all flashy technique, with a strong lead performance, but perhaps just a little too aware of its own importance.
Dir: Oliver Stone
Stars: Anthony Hopkins, Joan Allen, Powers Boothe, Ed Harris, Bob Hoskins, E G Marshall, Mary Steenburgen, James Woods
NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN
2007
***
A man finds a suitcase full of money and is relentlessly pursued by a psychopathic hitman who wants it back.
Highly praised but far from flawless thriller about blank figures on a landscape; the first half in particular is a terse, taciturn exercise in suspense but none of the characters ever come to life – Brolin and Macdonald are feautureless, Bardem is a killing machine and nothing more, and Jones only offers weary, difficult-to-hear soliloquies. It looks good and some of the dialogue is very crisp but a peculiarly unsatisfactory climax rounds off a sometimes frustrating experience.
Dir: Ethan Coen, Joel Coen
Stars: Josh Brolin, Javier Bardem, Tommy Lee Jones, Kelly Macdonald, Woody Harrelson
NO LIMIT
1935
*
George competes in the Isle of Man TT races.
Cheerful star comedy with nice landscapes.
Dir: Monty Banks
Stars: George Formby, Florence Desmond, Howard Douglas
NO SECRETS!
1979
0
An incompetent US marine tries to retrieve a space capsule from an African dictator.
A retarded seven-year-old could probably make a better film than this, an unbelievably egregious mess, a true low for all concerned.
Dir: Peter Curran
Stars: Oliver Reed, Peter Cushing, Sylvaine Charlet, Keenan Wynn, Wilfrid Hyde-White, Melvyn Hayes
NO SEX PLEASE - WE’RE BRITISH
1972
*
Dirty books are accidentally sent to a mild-mannered bank worker.
The archetypal trouser-dropping-vicar-appearing farce transfers to the screen with the odd bump but keeps a good deal of the bright farce intact.
Dir: Cliff Owen
Stars: Ronnie Corbett, Beryl Reid, Arthur Lowe, Ian Ogilvy, Susan Penhaligon
NOBODY LOVES ME
1994
*
A lonely 29-year-old woman seeks spiritual help to find a man.
Quirky (perhaps too self-consciously so) little drama, with a few longeurs but a few perfectly judged moments of humour and pathos.
Dir: Doris Dorrie
Stars: Maria Schrader, Pierre Sanoussi-Bliss
NOISES OFF
1991
**
A theatre production is chaotic backstage but somehow still plays on.
The beguiling ingenuities of this clever play are a little muted by slack direction but there’s much to enjoy, especially during the middle section.
Dir: Peter Bogdanovich
Stars: Michael Caine, Carol Burnett, Denholm Elliott, Julie Hagerty, Christopher Reeve
NOMADS
1985
0
A young doctor takes on demons.
Perplexing and lethargic fantasy in which even the incidental music is dreadful.
Dir: John McTiernan
Stars: Adam Ant, Paul Anselmo, Pierce Brosnan, Lesley-Anne Down
NORMA RAE
1979
*
A young female textile worker aims to unionise her mill.
Well made drama with nothing but sympathy for unions, powered by an Oscar-winning lead performance; interesting but not thrilling.
Dir: Martin Ritt
Stars: Sally Field, Ron Leibman, Beau Bridges, Pat Hingle
NORTH BY NORTHWEST
1959
****
An advertising man is forced to go on the run when he is mistaken for a secret agent.
Hitchcock's most perfectly realised chase thriller in which every single element - the score, the witty script, the fine cast, the titles - come together to produce a movie of the first order. Elegant, exquisite and exciting, it's also a journey through America when the country was at its absolute peak, and one can only sit back and admire the master's grasp of the medium.
Dir: Alfred Hitchcock
Stars: Cary Grant, Eva Marie Saint, James Mason, Jessie Royce Landis, Leo G Carroll, Martin Landau
NORTHSTAR
1985 (TV)
0
An astronaut gains super-human powers after passing through a magnetic field.
Derivative and rather gruesome failed TV pilot.
Dir: Peter Levin
Stars: Greg Evigan, Deborah Wakeham, Mitch Ryan
NOSFERATU
1921
***
A vampire has a particular interest in an estate agent's wife.
One of the cinema's most genuinely unsettling pictures, thanks to its unnerving conviction and the legendary, unique performance from Schreck.
Dir: F W Murnau
Stars: Max Schreck, Gustav von Wangenheim, Greta Schroder
NOSFERATU THE VAMPYRE
1979
*
Dracula searches for a bride, bringing death and pestilence with him.
Dawdling version of the familiar tale which has some merit thanks to the star's powerful performance and a thick atmosphere of foreboding.
Dir: Werner Herzog
Stars: Klaus Kinski, Isabelle Adjani, Bruno Ganz
NOSTRADAMUS
1994
0
The story of the man who claimed he could see the future.
Surly biopic disappointing in every respect.
Dir: Roger Christian
Stars: Tcheky Karyo, F Murray Abraham, Rutger Hauer, Amanda Plummer
NOT NOW, COMRADE
1977
0
Complications arise when a Russian ballet dancer decides to defect to Britain.
Stupefying and inane farce almost entirely shot in the hallway of a big house, it demonstrates why alternative comedy arose a few years later to wipe this sort of thing off the map. The dumb machinations would bore after 20 minutes, never mind an hour and a half.
Dir: Ray Cooney, Harold Snoad
Stars: Leslie Phillips, Ian Lavender, Carol Hawkins, Roy Kinnear, Ray Cooney, Michele Dotrice, June Whitfield, Windsor Davies
NOT NOW DARLING
1973
*
A posh salon owner gets into difficulties when he attempts to give his mistress an expensive fur.
A more faithful transfer of a stage play to the screen you could not see, with virtually all the action taking place on one set; the frenetic goings on will be familiar to anyone acquainted with Cooney’s brand of farce. Despite the efforts of a bright cast, it soon becomes irritatingly ridiculous and highlights how much more subtle movies must be than theatre productions.
Dir: Ray Cooney, David Croft
Stars: Leslie Phillips, Julie Ege, Ray Cooney, Barbara Windsor, Joan Sims, Derren Nesbitt, Bill Fraser, Jack Hulbert, Peter Butterworth, Graham Stark
NOT OF THIS EARTH
1957
*
A sunglasses-wearing alien comes to Earth in search of human blood.
Talky and very low budget it may be, but this Corman flick has a strong following and does manage to evoke a certain mood with a few mildly scary moments, most courtesy of people in white contact lenses. An onscreen message at the start warns you that it’s your fault if you don’t enjoy it!
Dir: Roger Corman
Stars: Paul Birch, Beverly Garland, Morgan Jones
NOT OF THIS EARTH
1988
0
A vampire alien seeks blood for his world.
Sexed up remake of the 1957 Roger Corman movie with a senseless script and acting that has to be seen to be believed.
Dir: Jim Wynorski
Stars: Traci Lords, Arthur Roberts, Ava Cadell
NOT QUITE HOLLYWOOD
2008
**
Documentary about Australian exploitation films from the early ’70s onwards.
A fast-paced treat that offers up lots of juicy anecdotes (the tales of the wilful ignoring of health and safety are amazing) and lots of clips from deliciously delirious Aussie movies (including Patrick, Roadgames, Razorback, Harlequin, The Survivor, Felicity, Alison’s Birthday and Turkey Shoot, all qv). Worth a look even if you’re not a fan of the genre.
Dir: Mark Hartley
Stars: Quentin Tarantino, George Lazenby, Dennis Hopper, Barry Humphries
NOT TONIGHT, DARLING!
1971
0
A bored housewife seeks excitement but gets involved with a blackmailer.
Sex in the suburbs, or at least West London, and typical of the period in so many ways it couldn't have known. It's a low-key tale of quiet desperation with life and the search for an escape, which is ultimately futile - and it's also an excuse to show off the wonderful charms of gorgeous Peters, who gives it her all; it's a shame the director isn't a bit more sure-handed, but it's not without allure for those hooked on the place, time and genre.
NUDIST PARADISE
1959
0
A nudist camp attracts some intrigued new members.
The very first British nudie flick is obviously both propaganda for the naturists of Great Britain and an attempt to get punters in who wanted a rare look at naked female flesh - and it was more successful in the latter category. It's a stilted, disordered film, a mix of voiceover documentary and basic drama, and nowadays you'd struggle to get much excitement from it, sexual or otherwise. It's shot in 'Nudiscope'...
Dir: Charles Saunders
Stars: Anita Love, Katy Cashfield, Carl Conway, Dennis Carnell
THE NUDIST STORY
1960
*
A nudist camp is in danger of closure after the death of its patron.
One of the first British nudie flicks is a rather lovely little film, with an appealing look and plot and likeable characters; it really has the ideal storyline for such a flick and male audiences must have been titillated to frenzy by pert Shelly Martin's discovery that she enjoyed getting naked. The less said about the (strangely fully clothed) song and dance sequences in the middle the better. Even though a good quality print still exists in full, Amazon Video viewers were in for a nasty shock when a severely edited and cropped version appeared on its site - the mind boggles at who would do such a thing.
Dir: Ramsey Herrington
Stars: Shelly Martin, Brian Cobby, Natalie Lynn, Joy Hinton
NUMBER ONE OF THE SECRET SERVICE
1977
0
A top spy goes after the killer of international money men.
Cheapjack tat, a thousand times worse than the worst James Bond movie.
Dir: Lindsay Shonteff
Stars: Nicky Henson, Richard Todd, Geoffrey Keen, Jon Pertwee, Milton Reid
NUMBER, PLEASE?
1920
*
Two men compete for the love of one girl.
A lot of Lloyd's shorts, such as this one, retain most of their appeal after all these years - many of the visual gags are snappy even if the situations can be drawn out a little too long. There's plenty of footage of a long-gone Californian amusement park in this one.
Dir: Hal Roach, Fred Newmeyer
Stars: Harold Lloyd, Mildred Davis, Roy Brooks
NUMBER SEVENTEEN
1932
*
A detective tracks down robbers at an anonymous address.
Odd, gothic-tinged early Hitchcock mainly set in an old dark house in which characters constantly pop up, but it does open up towards the end thanks to a train chase.
Dir: Alfred Hitchcock
Stars: Leon M Lion, Anne Grey, John Stuart
NUMBER SIX
1962
0
Police aim to trap a foreign criminal.
Fairly average Edgar Wallace Mystery with the usual surfeit of chat.
Dir: Robert Tronson
Stars: Ivan Desny, Nadja Regin, Michael Goodliffe, Brian Bedford
THE NUMBER 23
2007
0
A man becomes obsessed with the number 23 while reading a book about its terrifying effects.
Preposterous thriller which dissolves the germ of a great idea in a murky and muddled scenario that neither lends itself to convincing conspiracy theory nor compelling mystery. It might have worked better as a comedy and would have definitely worked better if it was less heavily stylised.
Dir: Joel Schumacher
Stars: Jim Carrey, Virginia Madsen, Logan Lerman, Rhona Mitra
NUNS ON THE RUN
1990
0
Crooks hide from villains in a convent, dressed as nuns.
The title, the film's promotion and the plot suggested a broad farce, but there's barely a single laugh in this comedy (unless, bizarrely, you find nuns intrinsically funny), in part because the tone is bleak and not comforting, with it being shot with a filter that ensures dreariness; also, Idle is a dislikeable man. Only the shower sequence is memorable and canny. Remarkable that it came from the pen of Lynn, one of the co-writers of the superlative TV sitcom Yes, Minister.
Dir: Jonathan Lynn
Stars: Robbie Coltrane, Eric Idle, Camille Coduri, Janet Suzman, Doris Hare
THE NUN'S STORY
1959
**
A young Belgian woman becomes a nun and travels to the Congo to help the sick.
Quietly impressive depiction of life in cloisters, very well made and acted, likely to find admirers among both believers and non-believers.
Dir: Fred Zinnemann
Stars: Audrey Hepburn, Peter Finch, Edith Evans, Peggy Ashcroft, Dean Jagger
NURSE ON WHEELS
1963
0
A pretty young nurse goes to work in a small village.
Trying comic drama whose succession of trivial incidents adds up to very little despite a smattering of familiar faces; not even relief for an afternoon ill in bed, and nothing like a Carry On film.
Dir: Gerald Thomas
Stars: Juliet Mills, Ronald Lewis, Joan Sims, Norman Rossington, Jim Dale, Raymond Huntley, Joan Hickson
NUTCRACKER
1982
0
A Russian ballet dancer defects to England.
A cold fish of a film, an odd old-fashioned soap opera with cheap production and trashy dialogue.
Dir: Anwar Kawadri
Stars: Joan Collins, Carol White, Paul Nicholas, Leslie Ash
THE NUTTY PROFESSOR
1963
*
A nerdy professor imbibes a potion that makes him into a super-smooth lady seducer.
Comic variation of Dr Jekyll And Mr Hyde which struggles to provide laughs after a decent opening.
Dir: Jerry Lewis
Stars: Jerry Lewis, Stella Stevens, Del Moore
A NYMPHOID BARBARIAN IN DINOSAUR HELL
1991
0
In a world devastated by war, a young woman battles cavemen and monsters.
Proof that very bad films aren't always fun to watch; someone forgot to order a plot for starters.
Dir: Brett Piper
Stars: Paul Guzzi, Linda Corwin, Alex Pirnie
NYMPHOMANIAC
2013
**
A nymphomaniac recounts her colourful life to a man who has found her beaten on the street.
The director's most controversial project so far is of course full of interesting things, and can be discussed into the small hours, but it is flawed. Thankfully very different to most films ever made, it has many hugely impressive sequences, including very dark and very funny ones, but the story is rather too stretched out, with a few dead scenes (there's too much dialogue in the Skarsgard interludes). It was released in two volumes totalling four hours, although a longer cut is also said to exist, with even more uncompromising visions of sex.
Dir: Lars von Trier
Stars: Charlotte Gainsbourg, Stellan Skarsgard, Stacy Martin, Shia LaBeouf, Jamie Bell, Willem Dafoe, Christian Slater, Uma Thurman, Mia Goth
1994
0
Two psychopaths go on a killing spree which is glorified by the media.
Obnoxious media satire, like being stuck inside a particularly unpleasant nightmare, and not worth the controversy it generated.
Dir: Oliver Stone
Stars: Woody Harrelson, Juliette Lewis, Tom Sizemore, Rodney Dangerfield
NATURE OF THE BEAST
2017
**
Documentary about fiery Labour MP Dennis Skinner, the 'Beast of Bolsover'.
A good watch for politicos, this hagiographic portrait of one of the most principled of men shows a side of him that many of us were unaware of - his love of nature, his singing talents, his fondness for Woody Allen films, his part in ensuring stem cell research continued - along with his robust campaigning and trenchant wit. One wishes for a little more detail about many of the causes he's supported, but this will provide a fitting career retrospective for Skinner when he finally, sadly, departs the stage.
Dir: Daniel Draper
1971
*
Semi-documentary looking at the history of pornography.
Long wanted to chronicle the contemporary porn scene, while contrasting it with the past, and he did a pretty good job: the fictional enactments are fairly amusing and the then current-day footage is interesting from a historical perspective - it very much gets under the dirty fingernails of an industry that is just one supplying human beings' natural needs. A decent watch, or is that an indecent watch?
Dir: Stanley A Long
Stars: C Lethbridge-Baker, Lee Donald, Brenda Peters, Jane Cardew
NAUGHTY GIRLS
1975
0
The tales of four English women working abroad in Bangkok, Kuala Lumpur, Bali and Sydney.
An artefact that's fascinating because it's like nothing else you'll ever see (four travelogues interspersed with nakedness, the last of which turns into a bizarre dream) and titillating because the frank eroticness comes out of the innocent-seeming, brightly shot scenarios.
Dir: Peter Shillingford
Stars: Brenda Holder, Angela Unwin
NAUGHTY MARIETTA
1935
*
A French princess avoids an arranged marriage by fleeing to New Orleans.
Well-mounted operetta whose appeal will be somewhat narrower now than it was at the time. Lanchester's bits survive best.
Dir: Robert Z Leonard, WS Van Dyke
Stars: Jeanette MacDonald, Nelson Eddy, Frank Morgan, Elsa Lanchester
NAUSICAA OF THE VALLEY OF THE WIND
1984
*
A princess attempts to stop two nations from destroying themselves.
One of the first and best anime epics, full of brashly colourful and imaginative imagery.
Dir: Hayao Miyazaki
Voices: Patrick Stewart, Uma Thurman, Edward James Olmos
THE NAVIGATOR
1924
**
A rich pair of young folk find themselves alone and adrift at sea.
Measured comedy in which the star exhibits his ability to be creative if not sympathetic.
Dir: Donald Crisp, Buster Keaton
Stars: Buster Keaton, Frederick Vroom
THE NAVIGATOR
1988
0
Seeking relief from the plague, a boy leads a tribe from 14th century England to 20th century New Zealand.
Incomprehensible fantasy, a dank and dark oddity which will bring a chill to most audiences.
Dir: Vincent Ward
Stars: Bruce Lyons, Chris Haywood
NAZI LOVE CAMP 27
1977
0
As World War II begins, a young couple are separated: she, a Jew, becomes a prostitute at a Nazi camp; he becomes a soldier.
1977 was a bumper year for Nazisploitation, and this is one of the riper examples of the genre - the British censors never would have passed it, especially the version with hardcore inserts. One scene sums up the madness, and probably dictates whether it's for you or not: the naked female exercise class in front of a big swastika flag. At least the movie isn't as grim and grotty as many of its type.
Dir: Mario Caiano
Stars: Sirpa Lane, Giancarlo Sisti, Roberto Posse
NEAR DARK
1987
**
A boy joins a group of vampires because the woman he desires is one.
Confident, good looking and exciting horror which energised the genre.
Dir: Kathryn Bigelow
Stars: Adrian Pasdar, Jenny Wright, Lance Henriksen, Bill Paxton
NEAREST AND DEAREST
1972
0
A man tries to have his sister marry into money.
Hylda Baker may have been one of Britain’s funniest ever women, but this film version of her TV comedy is a truly painful experience which encapsulates all that was wrong in putting sitcoms on the big screen.
Dir: John Robins
Stars: Hylda Baker, Jimmy Jewel, Edward Malin, Madge Hindle, Yootha Joyce
NEARLY A NASTY ACCIDENT
1961
*
An RAF handy man causes hiccups wherever he goes.
A hit and miss affair, but enthusiastically played.
Dir: Don Chaffey
Stars: Kenneth Connor, Jimmy Edwards, Shirley Eaton, Jon Pertwee, Richard Wattis, Terry Scott
NEBRASKA
2013
***
A man accompanies his elderly father on a trip to Nebraska in order to collect the million dollar prize the old man believes he has won.
An affectionate, reflective film, easy to enjoy, which finds humour amid bleak surroundings and lives; gleamingly shot in monochrome, it features some lovely performances.
Dir: Alexander Payne
Stars: Will Forte, Bruce Dern, June Squibb, Stacy Keach
NECRONOMICON
1993
0
HP Lovecraft reads three stories from a strange book: The Drowned, The Cold and Whispers.
As usual, Lovecraft's tales fail to light up the screen (perhaps they just weren't very good); lots of gore and ickiness can't disguise slack storytelling. It looks more like a TV movie than a cinema release.
Dir: Christophe Gans, Shushuke Kaneko, Brian Yuzna
Stars: Jeffrey Combs, Belinda Bauer, David Warner, Tony Azito
NEGATIVES
1968
0
A couple live out a life of strange fantasies, and then a third person comes along.
Tiresome from start to finish, this is like a student art film with better acting - although all three main characters are repellent. The first movie of this director's curious, varied career.
Dir: Peter Medak
Stars: Peter McEnery, Glenda Jackson, Diane Cilento, Maurice Denham
NEAR DARK
1987
**
A boy joins a group of vampires because the woman he desires is one.
Confident, good looking and exciting horror which energised the genre.
Dir: Kathryn Bigelow
Stars: Adrian Pasdar, Jenny Wright, Lance Henriksen, Bill Paxton
NEAREST AND DEAREST
1972
0
A man tries to have his sister marry into money.
Hylda Baker may have been one of Britain’s funniest ever women, but this film version of her TV comedy is a truly painful experience which encapsulates all that was wrong in putting sitcoms on the big screen.
Dir: John Robins
Stars: Hylda Baker, Jimmy Jewel, Edward Malin, Madge Hindle, Yootha Joyce
NEARLY A NASTY ACCIDENT
1961
*
An RAF handy man causes hiccups wherever he goes.
A hit and miss affair, but enthusiastically played.
Dir: Don Chaffey
Stars: Kenneth Connor, Jimmy Edwards, Shirley Eaton, Jon Pertwee, Richard Wattis, Terry Scott
NEBRASKA
2013
***
A man accompanies his elderly father on a trip to Nebraska in order to collect the million dollar prize the old man believes he has won.
An affectionate, reflective film, easy to enjoy, which finds humour amid bleak surroundings and lives; gleamingly shot in monochrome, it features some lovely performances.
Dir: Alexander Payne
Stars: Will Forte, Bruce Dern, June Squibb, Stacy Keach
NECRONOMICON
1993
0
HP Lovecraft reads three stories from a strange book: The Drowned, The Cold and Whispers.
As usual, Lovecraft's tales fail to light up the screen (perhaps they just weren't very good); lots of gore and ickiness can't disguise slack storytelling. It looks more like a TV movie than a cinema release.
Dir: Christophe Gans, Shushuke Kaneko, Brian Yuzna
Stars: Jeffrey Combs, Belinda Bauer, David Warner, Tony Azito
NEGATIVES
1968
0
A couple live out a life of strange fantasies, and then a third person comes along.
Tiresome from start to finish, this is like a student art film with better acting - although all three main characters are repellent. The first movie of this director's curious, varied career.
Dir: Peter Medak
Stars: Peter McEnery, Glenda Jackson, Diane Cilento, Maurice Denham
NEIGHBORS
1920
*
A young couple try to be together despite their warring families.
Keaton short with some inspired visual gags, particularly towards the close.
Dir: Edward F Cline, Buster Keaton
Stars: Buster Keaton, Virginia Fox, Edward F Cline
NEITHER THE SEA NOR THE SAND
1972
*
A woman who lives by the coast refuses to accept her husband's death.
Haunting romantic chiller shot in raw, windswept locations, quite successful in its attempt to peddle sinister and bizarre undertones.
Dir: Fred Burnley
Stars: Susan Hampshire, Frank Finlay, Michael Craze
THE NEON DEMON
2016
*
A 16-year-old girl goes to LA to try and make it in the cutthroat world of fashion modelling.
Style over substance: a visually opulent film, full of striking colour symbolism, and with a unique soundtrack, but neither the necessary characterisation nor strong story to make it an all-rounder. It could be argued that these defects aren't defects, they reflect the vapid, shallow world of fashion, but that doesn't really wash, and it's overly opaque and glacial. The lesbian necrophilia is something of a first, though.
Dir: Nicolas Winding Refn
Stars: Elle Fanning, Jena Malone, Bella Heathcote, Abbey Lee, Keanu Reeves, Christina Hendricks
NEON GENESIS EVANGELION: THE END OF EVANGELION
1997
*
A boy goes to the limits of sanity as he is forced to decide the fate of humanity.
Totally incomprehensible to the point of hilariousness for anyone who hasn't seen the television series on which this is apparently an alternate ending to, this is quite an experience - perhaps those who have ingested certain chemicals may get most out of it. If nothing else, its animation is extremely colourful and vibrant.
Dir: Hideaki Anno, Kazuya Tsurumaki
Voices: Megumi Ogata, Megumi Hayashibara, Yûko Miyamura
THE NESTING
1981
0
A woman with various issues moves into a haunted house.
A former porn director makes a not very good horror film, one that bores after a half-promising set-up. Too long too.
Dir: Armand Weston
Stars: Robin Groves, Christopher Loomis, Michael David Lally, John Carradine
THE NET
1953
0
Scientists squabble over a new supersonic jet being developed.
Never has a synopsis been so descriptive: pretty much all that happens here is people stand around discussing the plot, with the jet itself not getting airborne for forty minutes. The final five minutes, spent in the jet’s cockpit, are quite fun, but this is a disappointingly sterile SF drama.
Dir: Anthony Asquith
Stars: James Donald, Phyllis Calvert, Robert Beatty, Herbert Lom
NEITHER THE SEA NOR THE SAND
1972
*
A woman who lives by the coast refuses to accept her husband's death.
Haunting romantic chiller shot in raw, windswept locations, quite successful in its attempt to peddle sinister and bizarre undertones.
Dir: Fred Burnley
Stars: Susan Hampshire, Frank Finlay, Michael Craze
THE NEON DEMON
2016
*
A 16-year-old girl goes to LA to try and make it in the cutthroat world of fashion modelling.
Style over substance: a visually opulent film, full of striking colour symbolism, and with a unique soundtrack, but neither the necessary characterisation nor strong story to make it an all-rounder. It could be argued that these defects aren't defects, they reflect the vapid, shallow world of fashion, but that doesn't really wash, and it's overly opaque and glacial. The lesbian necrophilia is something of a first, though.
Dir: Nicolas Winding Refn
Stars: Elle Fanning, Jena Malone, Bella Heathcote, Abbey Lee, Keanu Reeves, Christina Hendricks
NEON GENESIS EVANGELION: THE END OF EVANGELION
1997
*
A boy goes to the limits of sanity as he is forced to decide the fate of humanity.
Totally incomprehensible to the point of hilariousness for anyone who hasn't seen the television series on which this is apparently an alternate ending to, this is quite an experience - perhaps those who have ingested certain chemicals may get most out of it. If nothing else, its animation is extremely colourful and vibrant.
Dir: Hideaki Anno, Kazuya Tsurumaki
Voices: Megumi Ogata, Megumi Hayashibara, Yûko Miyamura
THE NESTING
1981
0
A woman with various issues moves into a haunted house.
A former porn director makes a not very good horror film, one that bores after a half-promising set-up. Too long too.
Dir: Armand Weston
Stars: Robin Groves, Christopher Loomis, Michael David Lally, John Carradine
THE NET
1953
0
Scientists squabble over a new supersonic jet being developed.
Never has a synopsis been so descriptive: pretty much all that happens here is people stand around discussing the plot, with the jet itself not getting airborne for forty minutes. The final five minutes, spent in the jet’s cockpit, are quite fun, but this is a disappointingly sterile SF drama.
Dir: Anthony Asquith
Stars: James Donald, Phyllis Calvert, Robert Beatty, Herbert Lom
THE NET
1995
*
A computer programmer's life spirals out of control thanks to the new thing known as the internet.
Formulaic chase-the-lady thriller given a shine by its adoption of a technology that had just arrived and would change the world (for better and for worse); in that sense it is something of a time capsule, and it is quite interesting to see that it was as early as 1995 that many people were already on the web. A bit more originality in the actual plot mechanics wouldn't have gone amiss.
Dir: Irwin Winkler
Stars: Sandra Bullock, Jeremy Northam, Dennis Miller
NETHERWORLD
1991
0
A young man discovers that his father is raising the dead.
Tragic horror rubbish from the notoriously woeful Charles Band stable.
Dir: David Schmoeller
Stars: Michael Bendetti, Denise Gentile, Holly Floria
NETWORK
1976
**
A newsman about to sacked announces that he will commit suicide on air.
Deeply cynical satire with most of the cast hot under the collar, it packs a punch initially but fades in the second half.
Dir: Sidney Lumet
Stars: Peter Finch, Faye Dunaway, William Holden, Robert Duvall, Ned Beatty
NEVER BACK LOSERS
1961
*
An insurance man investigates a horse racing scam.
Another 'just-about-one-star' Edgar Wallace Mystery, with a plot that doesn't make much sense and an odd climax, but a good turn from Patrick Magee and his unusual voice.
Dir: Robert Tronson
Stars: Jack Hedley, Jacqueline Ellis, Patrick Magee
NEVER LET GO
1960
**
A cosmetics salesman tracks down car thieves who have stolen his prize possession.
Gritty small-scale thriller, about as strong as could be at the time, notable for giving Sellers a villainous role, which he accepts with relish - as the film progresses he becomes increasingly deranged until he practically explodes. It's also an interesting study of middle-aged angst, with Todd's character trying to prove he's not already on the scrapheap - getting his car back validates him. Plus, the location shooting adds atmosphere.
Dir: John Guillermin
Stars: Richard Todd, Peter Sellers, Elizabeth Sellars, Adam Faith, Carol White, Mervyn Johns, David Lodge
NEVER MENTION MURDER
1964
0
A doctor plans to do away with the man having an affair with his wife.
Edgar Wallace Mystery which doesn't hang together as well as some - there's much focus on the cold, unsympathetic lead which gives it a built-in disadvantage.
Dir: John Nelson Burton
Stars: Dudley Foster, Maxine Audley, Michael Coles, Pauline Yates
NEVER MIND THE QUALITY FEEL THE WIDTH
1973
0
The trials and tribulations of a tailors shop partnership owned by a Jew and an Irish Catholic.
This film version of a popular British television series follows the template that so many did during this decade: old episodes stitched together plus a dash of (titillating) nudity and a trip to foreign climes. Agreeably natured but full of things that tedious people would no doubt manage to get 'offended' by these days, it's not one of the worst adaps of its kind, with a clutch of smiles, but still isn't what you could unflinchingly call good. Future historians might be astounded by how white the East End looks here.
Dir: Ronnie Baxter
Stars: John Bluthal, Joe Lynch, Yootha Joyce, Wendy King
NEVER RARELY SOMETIMES ALWAYS
2020
***
A pregnant teenager from rural Philadelphia has to travel with her cousin to New York to get an abortion.
One of this film's many strengths is the way it subtly puts its message across by merely detailing the process the girl has to go through - she is quietly desperate, and fully human, negotiating a raw urban landscape not quite alone. Compelling possibly because of rather than despite its careful detail, it's a well acted, well shot, well worth seeing indie drama.
Dir: Eliza Hittman
Stars: Sidney Flanigan, Talia Ryder, Theodore Pellerin
NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN
1983
*
James Bond looks for two stolen American warheads.
Connery's last and unofficial Bond movie is unfortunately one of the very worst of the lot, and surely all of the blame can't be attached to the production and legal troubles that beset it. The too-old lead, a less cool and dynamic version of his former self, creaks through a film that has a nasty, cheap Eighties sheen from the start and, aside from the fight in the hospital, has very few memorable setpieces: the computer game battle, in which it's impossible to tell what's actually happening, is a particular low, and the underwater sequences in no way match up to Thunderball's. Blofeld might as well not be here (though Brandauer is a decent villain) and the climax is a completely damp squib. To be sure, it misses the James Bond Theme, some of the regular actors and much of the official iconography, but it still should have been much better than this.
Dir: Irvin Kershner
Stars: Sean Connery, Klaus Maria Brandauer, Kim Basinger, Barbara Carrera, Max von Sydow, Alec McCowen, Edward Fox, Rowan Atkinson, Valerie Leon, Pat Sharp
NEVER TAKE SWEETS FROM A STRANGER
1960
**
The daughter of an English couple in Canada appears to have been abused by a wealthy old man in the district.
Remarkable that it was even made, and now even more uncomfortable to watch because of paedophilia in the news, this is a tightly made, fascinating movie that won’t turn up on TV soon. The old man is actually one of the most terrifying monsters Hammer ever created and the final act, after the courtroom sequences have concluded, is full of memorable imagery and suspense.
Dir: Cyril Frankel
Stars: Gwen Watford, Patrick Allen, Felix Aylmer
NEVER TOO YOUNG TO ROCK
1975
0
In near-future England, the authorities try to squash rock'n'roll.
Proof that terrible films can still be canny time capsules, this ramshackle oddity features many of the bigger glam rock outfits of the era amidst a threadbare storyline (that kind of disappears before the end) - it's a Tragical History Tour. The music varies in quality, the storytelling doesn't (it's always low), but acolytes of this stuff may have some fun.
Dir: Dennis Abey
Stars: Peter Denyer, Freddie Jones, Sheila Steafel, John Clive
NEVER WEAKEN
1921
**
A boy attempts suicide when he thinks his girl has been unfaithful, but somehow ends up dangling from a scaffold instead.
The first half is moderately funny, as Harold tries to drum up business for an osteopath venture, but the second half, in which he does his daredevil stuff, is the focal point of this career-defining short.
Dir: Fred C Newmeyer
Stars: Harold Lloyd, Mildred Davis
THE NEVERENDING STORY
1985
0
A troubled boy dives into a fantasy world through the pages of a strange book.
Well meaning but unmagical children's fantasy with lumpy special effects.
Dir: Wolfgang Petersen
Stars: Barret Oliver, Gerald McRaney, Deep Roy, Patricia Hayes
THE NEW ADVENTURES OF SNOW WHITE
1969
0
Two bungling fools get involved in some fairy tales.
Peculiar German fantasy, the first in the 'fairy tales for adults' genre, full of allusions to bestiality and bizarre scenes that in some cases are actually close to the original source material. It's too goofy and ambling, though would the viewing of an uncut HD quality edition with proper audio make it a better experience? Quite possibly.
Dir: Rolf Thiele
Stars: Marie Liljedahl, Eva Reuber-Staier, Gaby Fuchs
THE NEW ADVENTURES OF TARZAN
1935
0
Tarzan searches for a lost friend in the jungle.
An edited down feature version of a serial of the same name, and considering it's had around three hours chopped out of it is still full of dull bits.
Dir: Edward A Kull
Stars: Herman Brix (Bruce Bennett), Ula Holt, Frank Baker
NEW JACK CITY
1989
**
A police detective vows to stop a powerful crime lord.
Powerful, exciting thriller highlighting a modern-day tragedy.
Dir: Mario Van Peebles
Stars: Wesley Snipes, Ice-T, Chris Rock, Mario Van Peebles
THE NEW LAND
1972
***
Struggles of newly arrived Swedes in America in the mid 19th century.
Direct follow-up to The Emigrants (qv) that deepens and widens the drama, with more time given to Axberg's character in scenes that often become impressionistic. The two films put together would make for an immersive, high quality television series, and that is indeed what happened; this is important viewing for those with affection for foreign-language cinema or of a historical bent (it is the purest distillation of what the American dream is that could be wished for). One of the many interesting things to note is how these immigrants were - by and large - happy to embrace their new country and have respect for its way of life.
Dir: Jan Troell
Stars: Max von Sydow, Liv Ullmann, Eddie Axberg, Pierre Lindstedt
THE NEW ORIGINAL WONDER WOMAN
1975 (TV)
0
A woman clad in a skimpy red, white and blue costume helps fight the Nazis.
If this tries to be hilarious it succeeds admirably, and the series that followed was of a similar standard.
Dir: Leonard Horn
Stars: Lynda Carter, Lyle Waggoner, John Randolph, Red Buttons
NEW TOWN UTOPIA
2017
*
Documentary about Basildon, a post-war New Town that has had varying fortunes over the years.
Anyone coming to this intriguing film should be aware that it has an agenda: it's told very much from a socialist viewpoint, and most of its contributors are from an artistic background, rather than ordinary families. This means that its focus is quite narrow; it wants to blame many of its problems on Thatcherism as opposed to the multitude of other factors that have shaped it, or the 1945 Labour government that actually created it (even though it has returned a Conservative MP for most of the post-1979 period), and forgets that, in a free market, the people get what the people want, by and large. Some of the photography is impressive (it's reminiscent of Patrick Keiller's Robinson trilogy (qv)), even Kubrick-esque at times, and it will undoubtedly gain period charm in the future.
Dir: Christopher Ian Smith
NEW YEAR’S EVIL
1981
0
A psycho threatens to kill women on the strike of each New Year in different time zones.
Rubbishy horror with little talent in evidence.
Dir: Emmett Alston
Stars: Roz Kelly, Kip Niven
NEW YORK DOLL
2005
**
Documentary about the bass player of the New York Dolls and his fall from grace until a 2005 reformation of the band.
Slight but perfectly formed biopic that mainly focuses on the fragile Kane's remarkable return to music, just before his unfortunate death.
Dir: Greg Whiteley
Stars: Arthur 'Killer' Kane, Morrissey, Bob Geldof, Mick Jones
NEW YORK, NEW YORK
1977
**
The day World War 2 ends, a musician and a singer begin a love affair.
Great to look at and technically supreme (some of the numbers are electrifying) but this big band homage isn't quite what it might have been - perhaps it's too long.
Dir: Martin Scorsese
Stars: Liza Minnelli, Robert De Niro, Lionel Stander
THE NEW YORK RIPPER
1981
*
A detective and psychoanalyst team up to hunt a serial killer.
Explicit shocker which alternates between extreme sexual violence and long passages of dialogue but just about maintains its grip.
Dir: Lucio Fulci
Stars: Jack Hedley, Almanta Suska, Howard Ross
NEW YORK STORIES
1989
*
Three stories centring around the Big Apple: Life Lessons, Life Without Zoe and Oedipus Wrecks.
Disappointing in view of the talents involved, especially Coppola's awful whimsy which has to be the most godawful thing conceived since the beginning of time, although Allen's droll tale of a man plagued by his pesky Jewish mother rescues it (it's his most Jewish comedy ever, and his broadest comedy in a while). Scorsese's story is pretty well done but perhaps feels a little pointless - certainly as part of a movie in which the three parts don't really coalesce.
Dir: Martin Scorsese, Francis Coppola, Woody Allen
Stars: Woody Allen, Mia Farrow, Mae Questel, Rosanna Arquette, Nick Nolte, Talia Shire
NEXT OF KIN
1982
0
A girl suspects strange things are happening at the old people's home she has inherited.
Run of the mill thriller with a moderate pace, little humour and above average cinematography. But a movie set in an elderly folks' home was always unlikely to be a real goer; slasher film fans might have been disappointed (it was sort of sold as such).
Dir: Tony Williams
Stars: Jacki Kerin, John Jarratt, Alex Scott
THE NEXT ONE
1984
0
A widow on a Greek island meets a mysterious figure from the future.
Boring religious sci-fi never theatrically released in Britain.
Dir: Nico Mastorakis
Stars: Keir Dullea, Adrienne Barbeau, Peter Hobbs
NIAGARA
1952
**
Marital tension leads to murder in the setting of Niagara Falls.
One of the movies that helped send Monroe into the stratosphere, this location-shot thriller is extremely handsome, albeit sometimes at the expense of edginess and suspense.
Dir: Henry Hathaway
Stars: Marilyn Monroe, Joseph Cotten, Jean Peters
NICHOLAS AND ALEXANDRA
1971
*
Tsar Nicholas finds the Russian people turning against him.
Not as heavy-going as it might have been, this three-hour historical epic is pretty well done, with lots of fine character actors popping up; its snowiness possibly helped it become a sometime fixture of Christmas TV schedules. It's certainly much more watchable than Fiddler On The Roof.
Dir: Franklin J Schaffner
Stars: Michael Jayston, Janet Suzman, Roderic Noble, Tom Baker, Jack Hawkins, Harry Andrews, Laurence Olivier
NICHOLAS NICKLEBY
1947
**
A young man endeavours to look after himself and his family when his father dies and they become reliant on his cold uncle.
While inevitably overshadowed by David Lean's Dickens films of the same decade, this is a pretty solid adaptation, well mounted and well cast - Hardwicke and Miles stand out, and Stanley Holloway is always fun to watch. Not too bad an edit of the novel.
Dir: Alberto Cavalcanti
Stars: Derek Bond, Cedric Hardwicke, Mary Merrall, Sally Ann Howes, Bernard Miles
NICK KNIGHT
1989 (TV)
0
A vampire detective investigates when bodies drained of blood are found.
Not a bad idea but shot like a pop video and therefore hollow.
Dir: Farhad Mann
Stars: Rick Springfield, Irene Miracle, Richard Fancy
NICKEL BOYS
2024
*
Two black boys have a tough time at a reform school in Florida.
The director has chosen to take a deliberately arty approach to the material here, and while this makes for some striking imagery, it probably doesn't serve the plot as well as could be - the fragmentary narrative could be hard-going for those who don't want something too testing or unclear (at such length). It smacks of over-ambition. It has qualities, but you suspect that its best film Oscar nomination was more because of its racial subject matter.
Dir: RaMell Ross
Stars: Ethan Herisse, Brandon Wilson, Aunjanue Ellis- Taylor
NICKELODEON
1976
0
A young man starts a career around the time of the birth of the movie industry.
Unsatisfactory attempt to make nostalgia funny - details of early filmmaking are amusing but the imitations of its slapstick style are decidedly unamusing.
Dir: Peter Bogdanovich
Stars: Ryan O'Neal, Burt Reynolds, Tatum O'Neal, Stella Stevens
NIGHT AFTER NIGHT AFTER NIGHT
1969
0
A transvestite judge is suspected of terrorising London prostitutes.
Simplistic, lurid shocker from the low rent end of the industry, it descends into delightful sleaziness as the judge goes off the deep end.
Dir: Lindsay Shonteff
Stars: Jack May, Justine Lord, Linda Marlowe
NIGHT AND DAY
1946
*
The life of musician Cole Porter.
Highly fictionalised, artificial-feeling biopic with a miscast lead; the real-life story would have made for a superior film. It doesn't even feature that many of Porter's best tunes, but some are well staged.
Dir: Michael Curtiz
Stars: Cary Grant, Alexis Smith, Monty Woolley, Jane Wyman
NIGHT AND FOG
1956
****
Documentary about how horrific the Nazi death camps were.
A stunning film which briskly and succinctly (it's just 32 minutes long) portrays the absolute horror of what the Germans did in World War Two, with the coda that none of the perpetrators took responsibility for what they did. Images are extra shattering because they are presented so matter-of-factly. It should be watched by all young people today, especially those who, absurdly, think ill of Churchill, and those who couldn't see that the authoritarian overreach of 2020 and 2021 was on its way to being another version of this.
Dir: Alain Resnais
NIGHT AND THE CITY
1950
***
An American hustler in London hatches a scheme to become a powerful wrestling promoter but is brought down by his greedy impulses.
Like a fine wine, this noirish thriller has improved with age; strikingly shot on location, it twists its plot hither and thither, presents some virtuoso set pieces (the wrestling match is bewitching) and offers a marvellous array of dodgy characters, with even those in small parts given life. The 2007 DVD release is the one to watch as it has a gleaming print of the movie and an important featurette showing the differences between the US and UK versions – the US version is the preferable one, partly due to its livelier score.
Dir: Jules Dassin
Stars: Richard Widmark, Francis L Sullivan, Gene Tierney, Googie Withers, Herbert Lom, Hugh Marlowe, Stanislaus Zbyszko
NIGHT ANGEL
1989
0
A beautiful woman is possessed by an evil, murderous spirit.
Mediocre horror with a few choice gory moments atoning for the lack of fresh ideas.
Dir: Dominique Othenin-Girard
Stars: Isa Jank, Karen black, Gary Hudson
A NIGHT AT THE OPERA
1935
**
The Marx Brothers help out an aspiring opera singer.
Dated antics generally, but much-loved by Marx fanatics.
Dir: Sam Wood
Stars: Groucho Marx, Chico Marx, Harpo Marx, Margaret Dumont
THE NIGHT CALLER
1965
*
Aliens arrive on Earth looking for women to breed with.
Slow starting, studio-set sci-fi which picks up midway then comes to an unedifying conclusion.
Dir: John Gilling
Stars: John Saxon, Alfred Burke, Maurice Denham
THE NIGHT CHILD
1975
0
A young girl is possessed by the spirit of a murderess.
Nicely shot but somewhat pedestrian horror, especially keen on the colour red.
Dir: Massimo Dallamano
Stars: Richard Johnson, Joanna Cassidy, Nicoletta Elmi, Edmund Purdom
NIGHT CREATURES
1962
**
In an 18th century Cornish town, locals are scared by what appear to be phantoms on horseback.
Also known as Captain Clegg, this is another version of a story filmed at least another two times, but this is perhaps the best one: Cushing is as splendid as ever (his character a little more complex than sometimes), backed by a fine cast, and the production bears all the hallmarks of Hammer's general prudent efficiency. Nice colour, too.
Dir: Peter Graham Scott
Stars: Peter Cushing, Oliver Reed, Patrick Allen, Yvonne Romain, Michael Ripper, David Lodge
THE NIGHT DIGGER
1971
0
A middle-aged spinster takes on a young handyman with a dark secret.
Lacklustre shocker short on suspense, very similar to Night Must Fall (qv).
Dir: Alastair Reid
Stars: Patricia Neal, Pamela Brown, Yootha Joyce, Peter Sallis
THE NIGHT EVELYN CAME OUT OF THE GRAVE
1971
0
A debauched Lord abducts and tortures women who resemble his dead wife.
Overlong horror which follows a not unpredictable path towards a twist-packed conclusion; there are choice moments of kinkiness and some tasty visuals, but it's all pretty daft in the familiar Italian thriller fashion.
Dir: Emilio Miraglia
Stars: Anthony Steffen, Marina Malfatti, Enzo Tarascio
NIGHT FERRY
1976
*
Children attempt to stop criminals smuggling a valuable sarcophagus out of the country.
As so often with Children's Film Foundation productions, the location photography is the thing: here we get lots of lovely railway footage, including the London to Dover to Paris/Brussels night ferry, which ceased service just four years later. Funny to think the locations would barely have been noted by the young audience, most of whom would have just enjoyed the hectic chasing around.
Dir: David Eady
Stars: Bernard Cribbins, Aubrey Morris, Graham Fletcher, Jeremy Bulloch
NIGHT GALLERY
1969 (TV)
**
Three paintings hold tales of terror: The Cemetery, Eyes and Escape Route.
Pilot for the Twilight Zone-type show: the first tale is silly fun that doesn't make much sense but is something of a guilty pleasure, with McDowall giving it all his ham; the second, directed by Spielberg, in his first gig, showcases dynamic style and marked him out as a talent to watch - he manages to make a loopy story almost convincing and quite compelling; the third has a similar level of subtlety (ie not much) and is again fairly enjoyable. The overriding theme is essentially 'bad people being punished', just like in EC Comics. It's no surprise the series went ahead after this piquant initial taste of Rod Serling's new project (he wrote all three stories, and hosts), though many episodes didn't maintain this standard.
Dir: Boris Sagal, Steven Spielberg, Barry Shear
Stars: Roddy McDowall, Ossie Davis, Joan Crawford, Tom Bosley, Richard Kiley, Sam Jaffe
NIGHT HAIR CHILD
1971
*
A 12-year-old boy has a strange attraction to his father's new bride.
Bizarre exploitation film that's a unique experience, with all sorts of perverse and sleazy overtones; it's actually not a bad movie, if a little ploddy and vague at times, benefiting from a low-key approach and the lead actress at her most beautiful. Worth seeing, although censors may prove to be an obstacle.
Dir: James Kelley, Andrea Bianchi
Stars: Britt Ekland, Mark Lester, Hardy Kruger, Harry Andrews
NIGHT HAS A THOUSAND EYES
1948
*
A clairvoyant predicts many incidents including his own death.
Efficient spooky drama along similar lines to 1935's The Clairvoyant (qv).
Dir: John Farrow
Stars: Edward G Robinson, Gail Russell, Virginia Bruce, Onslow Stevens
NIGHT MAIL
1936
**
Documentary that follows the mail's journey from post box to letterbox, from south to north.
A few scenes in the manner of Harry Enfield's Mr Cholmondley-Warner only go to make this fondly remembered short even more endearing. More importantly, it provides a fascinating record of a vanished Britain and its working practices; there's a little fakery, but brisk editing, top photography and some poetry from WH Auden have ensured its longevity.
Dir: Harry Watt, Basil Wright
Narrator: John Grierson, Stuart Legg
There was a sequel, of sorts, in 1987, a TV film called Night Mail II. It was not without value
NIGHT MONSTER
1942
0
Who is killing doctors at a strange, remote house?
There are so many characters in this horror mystery that it takes time to work out what the heck's going on - it eventually settles into being a whodunit complete with bizarre and quite endearing solution.
Dir: Ford Beebe
Stars: Ralph Morgan, Bela Lugosi, Lionel Atwill, Leif Erickson, Irene Hervey
NIGHT MUST FALL
1937
**
An old lady's new handyman may be a psychopath.
Partially effective thriller that betrays its stage origins but is well performed.
Dir: Richard Thorpe
Stars: Robert Montgomery, Rosalind Russell, Dame May Whitty, E E Clive
NIGHT MUST FALL
1964
0
Unlikeable remake with little suspense or incident and a lack of psychological insight to make the plot work.
Dir: Karel Reisz
Stars: Albert Finney, Mona Washbourne, Susan Hampshire, Sheila Hancock
THE NIGHT MY NUMBER CAME UP
1954
*
A man fears that the dream he had in which his aircraft crashed is about to come true.
Intriguing melodrama with efficient production but predictable plot development. Directed by Barry Norman's dad.
Dir: Leslie Norman
Stars: Michael Redgrave, Sheila Sim, Alexander Knox, Denholm Elliott, Michael Hordern, Nigel Stock, Bill Kerr, Alfie Bass
NIGHT MONSTER
1942
0
Who is killing doctors at a strange, remote house?
There are so many characters in this horror mystery that it takes time to work out what the heck's going on - it eventually settles into being a whodunit complete with bizarre and quite endearing solution.
Dir: Ford Beebe
Stars: Ralph Morgan, Bela Lugosi, Lionel Atwill, Leif Erickson, Irene Hervey
NIGHT MUST FALL
1937
**
An old lady's new handyman may be a psychopath.
Partially effective thriller that betrays its stage origins but is well performed.
Dir: Richard Thorpe
Stars: Robert Montgomery, Rosalind Russell, Dame May Whitty, E E Clive
NIGHT MUST FALL
1964
0
Unlikeable remake with little suspense or incident and a lack of psychological insight to make the plot work.
Dir: Karel Reisz
Stars: Albert Finney, Mona Washbourne, Susan Hampshire, Sheila Hancock
THE NIGHT MY NUMBER CAME UP
1954
*
A man fears that the dream he had in which his aircraft crashed is about to come true.
Intriguing melodrama with efficient production but predictable plot development. Directed by Barry Norman's dad.
Dir: Leslie Norman
Stars: Michael Redgrave, Sheila Sim, Alexander Knox, Denholm Elliott, Michael Hordern, Nigel Stock, Bill Kerr, Alfie Bass
A NIGHT OF MAGIC
1944
0
A playboy finds a beautiful 3,000-year-old princess in his flat (or does he?).
Less than an hour long, this is just a cheap musical revue that will nowadays be dismissible and unwatchable to anyone except completists of obscure British fantasy cinema - and even we struggle. It certainly demonstrates that the past is a different country.
Dir: Herbert Wynne
Stars: Robert Griffith, Marian Olive, Gerald PringNIGHT OF TERROR
1933
0
Members of a family congregate in a spooky mansion for a will-reading, but get bumped off one by one.
Primitive shocker, painless for those who have an affection for this sort of thing, with a quirky finale.
Dir: Benjamin Stoloff
Stars: Bela Lugosi, Wallace Ford, Sally Blane
NIGHT OF THE BIG HEAT
1967
0
An island off the coast of Britain mysteriously experiences extremely hot weather.
Cheap and chatty sci-fi which ambles towards a sudden conclusion; largely set in a Milton Keynes inn, it's like a soap opera with stern characters who occasionally get involved with fried egg-like aliens. With writers like the infamous Pip and Jane Baker it was never going to be up to much, and the US title, Island Of The Burning Damned, promised thrills it could never deliver.
Dir: Terence Fisher
Stars: Christopher Lee, Patrick Allen, Peter Cushing, Jane Merrow, Kenneth Cope
NIGHT OF THE BLOOD BEAST
1958
0
An astronaut returns to Earth contaminated by alien spores.
Cheapjack sci-fi with a few nice ideas amongst the chatter; the tatty monster is emblematic of the budget not being able to realise these ideas.
Dir: Bernard L Kowalski
Stars: Michael Emmet, Angela Greene, John Baer
NIGHT OF THE BLOODY APES
1968
0
A mad scientist transplants the heart of a gorilla into his cancer-struck son.
Demented B-movie quickie which would have faded into obscurity had it not been on the 'video nasty' banned list. The thin plot is padded out by masked wrestling and incidents repeated over and over.
Dir: Rene Cardona
Stars: Armando Silvestre, Norma Lazareno
NIGHT OF THE COBRA WOMAN
1972
0
A beautiful woman turns into a man-eating snake.
Colourful bizarreness with the odd original idea.
Dir: Andrew Meyer
Stars: Joy Bang, Marlene Clark
NIGHT OF THE COMET
1984
*
A comet decimates life on Earth - two Valley girls struggle to survive in the new, harsh conditions.
Unusual sci-fi which tries hard but doesn't have quite enough thrills to make it wholly successful.
Dir: Thom Eberhardt
Stars: Robert Beltran, Catherine Mary Stewart, Kelli Maroney
NIGHT OF THE DEMON
1956
**
A sceptic comes face to face with a demonic curse.
One of the best British horror films of the 1950s, a straightforward but extremely well handled suspenser which isn't spoiled by the insertion of a large, real demon, despite what some might say; it's nicely shot in black and white and not short of clever touches. It also stands as an example of the sort of supernatural story that presents the sceptics as the idiots, whereas in real life that is not the case - whether this sort of film is harmful to the progress of science and philosophy is an interesting debate.
Dir: Jacques Tourneur
Stars: Dana Andrews, Peggy Cummins, Niall MacGinnis, Maurice Denham
NIGHT OF THE DEMON
1980
0
A group of students seek a Bigfoot-type creature.
Dire shocker notable only for a handful of outlandish gory moments (a man’s penis ripped off, another in a sleeping bag flung round onto a fence etc) which aren’t even that well done but nevertheless got the film banned and given its eternal badge of notoriety.
Dir: James C Wasson
Stars: Joy Allen, Bob Collins, Michael Cutt
NIGHT OF THE DEMONS
1987
0
Teenagers spend a bloody night at a funeral parlour.
A few glimpses of imagination make this better than other awful teens-in-trouble movies, but not by much.
Dir: Kevin Tenney
Stars: Cathy Podewell, Alvin Alexis, Allison Barron
NIGHT OF THE EAGLE
1962
*
An academic's life starts to become overrun by witchcraft.
One person's descent into a maelstrom of madness, well shot and acted, it sort of maintains a balance between what is supernatural and what may be in the protagonist's mind, but in a sense it doesn't because it's obvious the direction the filmmakers are pushing in, because they want to make a horror film; it has qualities but one can't help but think that a rationally framed descent into the abyss usually makes for a more compelling feature.
Dir: Sidney Hayers
Stars: Peter Wyngrade, Margaret Johnston, Janet Blair, Anthony Nicholls
NIGHT OF THE GHOULS
1959
0
A fake spiritualist somehow raises the dead.
Grade Z horror from the world's worst director.
Dir: Edward D Wood Jr
Stars: Kenne Duncan, Duke Moore, Tor Johnson
THE NIGHT OF THE HUNTED
1980
0
A man picks up a woman in a nightdress in the middle of nowhere who claims she has no memory of how she got there.
Insane and illogical creepy with some agonisingly slow scenes and a risible closing one; slapdash, to say the least.
Dir: Jean Rollin
Stars: Brigitte Lahaie, Vincent Gardere, Dominique Journet
THE NIGHT OF THE HUNTER
1955
***
A dangerous criminal posing as a preacher goes after two children who know where stolen loot is hidden.
Laughton's only directed film is a classic and remarkable for its brooding feel and Mitchum's performance as the priest who is the personification of evil in the garb of a paragon.
Dir: Charles Laughton
Stars: Robert Mitchum, Shelley Winters, Lillian Gish, James Gleason, Peter Graves
NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD
1968
**
A group of people take refuge in a farmhouse from marauding zombies.
Seminal shocker which led the horror new wave; one of the surprises in viewing it now is that it somewhat lacks action, particularly in the middle section, as the characters squabble and argue in the house. Still, there are unnerving images, including the unsentimental conclusion, which must have shocked viewers at the time. On the whole, though, this low budget film doesn't deserve to be grouped with the likes of Psycho, The Birds and Rosemary's Baby as one of the horror classics of its era.
Dir: George A Romero
Stars: Duane Jones, Judith O'Dea, Karl Hardman
NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD 3D
2006
0
Utterly crap remake with terrible dialogue, unconvincing action and deadly dull longeurs devoid of zombies; even the 3D is dire and you soon have to take the glasses off to avoid eye damage.
Dir: Jeff Broadstreet
Stars: Brianna Brown, Joshua DesRoches, Sid Haig
THE NIGHT OF THE PROWLER
1962
0
The director of a racing company is shot dead.
One of innumerable British B-pics made by Butcher's Film Services, this isn't quite as dramatic as the title suggests. Not terrible, but there's not much to say about it.
Dir: Francis Searle
Stars: Patrick Holt, Colette Wilde, Bill Nagy
NIGHT OWLS
1930
*
To escape jail, Stan and Ollie agree to burgle the police chief's house.
Star comedy in which their incompetent behaviour is heavily laid on - the actual process of them getting into the house takes quite a while. There are many hearty chuckles, though, in part due to the fabulous Finlayson.
Dir: James Parrott
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Edgar Kennedy, James Finlayson
1933
0
Members of a family congregate in a spooky mansion for a will-reading, but get bumped off one by one.
Primitive shocker, painless for those who have an affection for this sort of thing, with a quirky finale.
Dir: Benjamin Stoloff
Stars: Bela Lugosi, Wallace Ford, Sally Blane
NIGHT OF THE BIG HEAT
1967
0
An island off the coast of Britain mysteriously experiences extremely hot weather.
Cheap and chatty sci-fi which ambles towards a sudden conclusion; largely set in a Milton Keynes inn, it's like a soap opera with stern characters who occasionally get involved with fried egg-like aliens. With writers like the infamous Pip and Jane Baker it was never going to be up to much, and the US title, Island Of The Burning Damned, promised thrills it could never deliver.
Dir: Terence Fisher
Stars: Christopher Lee, Patrick Allen, Peter Cushing, Jane Merrow, Kenneth Cope
NIGHT OF THE BLOOD BEAST
1958
0
An astronaut returns to Earth contaminated by alien spores.
Cheapjack sci-fi with a few nice ideas amongst the chatter; the tatty monster is emblematic of the budget not being able to realise these ideas.
Dir: Bernard L Kowalski
Stars: Michael Emmet, Angela Greene, John Baer
NIGHT OF THE BLOODY APES
1968
0
A mad scientist transplants the heart of a gorilla into his cancer-struck son.
Demented B-movie quickie which would have faded into obscurity had it not been on the 'video nasty' banned list. The thin plot is padded out by masked wrestling and incidents repeated over and over.
Dir: Rene Cardona
Stars: Armando Silvestre, Norma Lazareno
NIGHT OF THE COBRA WOMAN
1972
0
A beautiful woman turns into a man-eating snake.
Colourful bizarreness with the odd original idea.
Dir: Andrew Meyer
Stars: Joy Bang, Marlene Clark
NIGHT OF THE COMET
1984
*
A comet decimates life on Earth - two Valley girls struggle to survive in the new, harsh conditions.
Unusual sci-fi which tries hard but doesn't have quite enough thrills to make it wholly successful.
Dir: Thom Eberhardt
Stars: Robert Beltran, Catherine Mary Stewart, Kelli Maroney
NIGHT OF THE CREEPS
1987
*
Alien brain parasites turn their victims into zombies.
Unpretentious, in-jokey horror that ambles along with the usual American high school stuff before coming good as a wacky shocker that enjoys its own gruesome craziness. It hardly deserves the lofty reputation it seems to have now acquired amongst many horror heads, though - there's not a great deal of substance to it.
Dir: Fred Dekker
Stars: Jason Lively, Tom Atkins, Steve Marshall, Jill Whitlow
NIGHT OF THE DEMON
1956
**
A sceptic comes face to face with a demonic curse.
One of the best British horror films of the 1950s, a straightforward but extremely well handled suspenser which isn't spoiled by the insertion of a large, real demon, despite what some might say; it's nicely shot in black and white and not short of clever touches. It also stands as an example of the sort of supernatural story that presents the sceptics as the idiots, whereas in real life that is not the case - whether this sort of film is harmful to the progress of science and philosophy is an interesting debate.
Dir: Jacques Tourneur
Stars: Dana Andrews, Peggy Cummins, Niall MacGinnis, Maurice Denham
NIGHT OF THE DEMON
1980
0
A group of students seek a Bigfoot-type creature.
Dire shocker notable only for a handful of outlandish gory moments (a man’s penis ripped off, another in a sleeping bag flung round onto a fence etc) which aren’t even that well done but nevertheless got the film banned and given its eternal badge of notoriety.
Dir: James C Wasson
Stars: Joy Allen, Bob Collins, Michael Cutt
NIGHT OF THE DEMONS
1987
0
Teenagers spend a bloody night at a funeral parlour.
A few glimpses of imagination make this better than other awful teens-in-trouble movies, but not by much.
Dir: Kevin Tenney
Stars: Cathy Podewell, Alvin Alexis, Allison Barron
NIGHT OF THE EAGLE
1962
*
An academic's life starts to become overrun by witchcraft.
One person's descent into a maelstrom of madness, well shot and acted, it sort of maintains a balance between what is supernatural and what may be in the protagonist's mind, but in a sense it doesn't because it's obvious the direction the filmmakers are pushing in, because they want to make a horror film; it has qualities but one can't help but think that a rationally framed descent into the abyss usually makes for a more compelling feature.
Dir: Sidney Hayers
Stars: Peter Wyngrade, Margaret Johnston, Janet Blair, Anthony Nicholls
NIGHT OF THE GHOULS
1959
0
A fake spiritualist somehow raises the dead.
Grade Z horror from the world's worst director.
Dir: Edward D Wood Jr
Stars: Kenne Duncan, Duke Moore, Tor Johnson
THE NIGHT OF THE HUNTED
1980
0
A man picks up a woman in a nightdress in the middle of nowhere who claims she has no memory of how she got there.
Insane and illogical creepy with some agonisingly slow scenes and a risible closing one; slapdash, to say the least.
Dir: Jean Rollin
Stars: Brigitte Lahaie, Vincent Gardere, Dominique Journet
THE NIGHT OF THE HUNTER
1955
***
A dangerous criminal posing as a preacher goes after two children who know where stolen loot is hidden.
Laughton's only directed film is a classic and remarkable for its brooding feel and Mitchum's performance as the priest who is the personification of evil in the garb of a paragon.
Dir: Charles Laughton
Stars: Robert Mitchum, Shelley Winters, Lillian Gish, James Gleason, Peter Graves
NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD
1968
**
A group of people take refuge in a farmhouse from marauding zombies.
Seminal shocker which led the horror new wave; one of the surprises in viewing it now is that it somewhat lacks action, particularly in the middle section, as the characters squabble and argue in the house. Still, there are unnerving images, including the unsentimental conclusion, which must have shocked viewers at the time. On the whole, though, this low budget film doesn't deserve to be grouped with the likes of Psycho, The Birds and Rosemary's Baby as one of the horror classics of its era.
Dir: George A Romero
Stars: Duane Jones, Judith O'Dea, Karl Hardman
NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD 3D
2006
0
Utterly crap remake with terrible dialogue, unconvincing action and deadly dull longeurs devoid of zombies; even the 3D is dire and you soon have to take the glasses off to avoid eye damage.
Dir: Jeff Broadstreet
Stars: Brianna Brown, Joshua DesRoches, Sid Haig
THE NIGHT OF THE PROWLER
1962
0
The director of a racing company is shot dead.
One of innumerable British B-pics made by Butcher's Film Services, this isn't quite as dramatic as the title suggests. Not terrible, but there's not much to say about it.
Dir: Francis Searle
Stars: Patrick Holt, Colette Wilde, Bill Nagy
NIGHT OWLS
1930
*
To escape jail, Stan and Ollie agree to burgle the police chief's house.
Star comedy in which their incompetent behaviour is heavily laid on - the actual process of them getting into the house takes quite a while. There are many hearty chuckles, though, in part due to the fabulous Finlayson.
Dir: James Parrott
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Edgar Kennedy, James Finlayson
NB Remade in a Spanish language edition, fairly well, as Ladrones
THE NIGHT PORTER
1973
0
A female concentration camp survivor and her tormentor meet in a Vienna hotel 13 years after the end of World War 2 and continue their masochistic relationship.
Said to be one of the most controversial films of our time - certainly one of the most boring.
Dir: Liliana Cavani
Stars: Dirk Bogarde, Charlotte Rampling, Philippe Leroy
NIGHT SLAVES
1970 (TV)
*
A couple stranded in a small town realise the inhabitants have been taken over by a strange force.
Sci-fi similar to They Came From Beyond Space (qv), quite nicely done until the risible romantic climax.
Dir: Ted Post
Stars: James Franciscus, Lee Grant, Leslie Nielsen
THE NIGHT STALKER
1971 (TV)
*
A grizzled newspaper reporter investigates murders committed by a vampire.
Neat little horror with a nice line in wisecracks.
Dir: John Llewellyn Moxey
Stars: Darren McGavin, Carol Lynley, Simon Oakland
THE NIGHT STRANGLER
1972 (TV)
*
Kolchak goes after an ancient alchemist who is killing women for their blood.
Sequel to the above and the precursor to a TV series; tolerable enough but with more shouting than scares.
Dir: Dan Curtis
Stars: Darren McGavin, Jo Ann Pflug, Simon Oakland, John Carradine
THE NIGHT THAT PANICKED AMERICA
1975 (TV)
*
Drama based on the true story of Orson Welles' War Of The Worlds broadcast and the effect it had on Americans.
The studio setting is carefully recreated but as a slice of drama for general audiences it doesn't deliver.
Dir: Joseph Sargent
Stars: Vic Morrow, Cliff De Young, Michael Constantine
THE NIGHT THE WORLD EXPLODED
1957
0
Scientists discover an element that explodes when it gets dry.
What you get if you cross a bad physics lecture with a romance, and mix long, studio-bound scenes with stock footage (mostly of demolitions posing as earthquakes). Crackpot but not thrilling stuff.
Dir: Fred F Sears
Stars: William Leslie, Kathryn Grant, Tristram Coffin
THE NIGHT THEY SAVED CHRISTMAS
1984 (TV)
0
Santa Claus's home is threatened by oil developers.
Childish codswallop which makes Santa Claus The Movie look like a classic.
Dir: Jackie Cooper
Stars: Jaclyn Smith, Art Carney, June Lockhart
THE NIGHT PORTER
1973
0
A female concentration camp survivor and her tormentor meet in a Vienna hotel 13 years after the end of World War 2 and continue their masochistic relationship.
Said to be one of the most controversial films of our time - certainly one of the most boring.
Dir: Liliana Cavani
Stars: Dirk Bogarde, Charlotte Rampling, Philippe Leroy
NIGHT SLAVES
1970 (TV)
*
A couple stranded in a small town realise the inhabitants have been taken over by a strange force.
Sci-fi similar to They Came From Beyond Space (qv), quite nicely done until the risible romantic climax.
Dir: Ted Post
Stars: James Franciscus, Lee Grant, Leslie Nielsen
THE NIGHT STALKER
1971 (TV)
*
A grizzled newspaper reporter investigates murders committed by a vampire.
Neat little horror with a nice line in wisecracks.
Dir: John Llewellyn Moxey
Stars: Darren McGavin, Carol Lynley, Simon Oakland
THE NIGHT STRANGLER
1972 (TV)
*
Kolchak goes after an ancient alchemist who is killing women for their blood.
Sequel to the above and the precursor to a TV series; tolerable enough but with more shouting than scares.
Dir: Dan Curtis
Stars: Darren McGavin, Jo Ann Pflug, Simon Oakland, John Carradine
THE NIGHT THAT PANICKED AMERICA
1975 (TV)
*
Drama based on the true story of Orson Welles' War Of The Worlds broadcast and the effect it had on Americans.
The studio setting is carefully recreated but as a slice of drama for general audiences it doesn't deliver.
Dir: Joseph Sargent
Stars: Vic Morrow, Cliff De Young, Michael Constantine
THE NIGHT THE WORLD EXPLODED
1957
0
Scientists discover an element that explodes when it gets dry.
What you get if you cross a bad physics lecture with a romance, and mix long, studio-bound scenes with stock footage (mostly of demolitions posing as earthquakes). Crackpot but not thrilling stuff.
Dir: Fred F Sears
Stars: William Leslie, Kathryn Grant, Tristram Coffin
THE NIGHT THEY SAVED CHRISTMAS
1984 (TV)
0
Santa Claus's home is threatened by oil developers.
Childish codswallop which makes Santa Claus The Movie look like a classic.
Dir: Jackie Cooper
Stars: Jaclyn Smith, Art Carney, June Lockhart
NIGHT TIDE
1961
0
A sailor becomes obsessed with a woman at a fairground who may be a real mermaid.
Strange experimental indie piece not without atmosphere, but there isn't the sure hand to make it fully work - several sequences cause the attention to slip away, and it's too long. Maybe a second viewing would be more rewarding? Maybe?
Dir: Curtis Harrington
Stars: Dennis Hopper, Linda Lawson, Gavin Muir
A NIGHT TO REMEMBER
1958
***
The RMS Titanic sinks on its maiden voyage.
Still the best film made about the disaster (and far from the first - there was actually one made just months after the event!), it marshals classy British professionalism to tell the tale in a sober, restrained fashion, mirroring the actions of many of those on the ship - at least at first. The vessel seems to go down in slow motion, with time for all sorts of dramatic vignettes before it does. This expensive and well-researched movie has barely dated and still impresses and grips; the title almost seems rather flippant.
Dir: Roy Ward Baker
Stars: Kenneth More, Ronald Allen, Robert Ayres, Kenneth Griffith, David McCallum
NIGHT TRAIN MURDERS
1975
*
A pair of scumbags terrorise a pair of girls going home for Christmas on the train.
A retread of Last House On The Left that’s possibly even more sleazy and unsettling but sets its nastiest moments in the dark (which is dark blue). It starts hesitantly, and the opening and closing theme song is ill-chosen, but by the end it’s done its dodgy Euro exploitation job.
Dir: Aldo Lado
Stars: Flavio Bucci, Macha Meril, Irene Miracle, Gianfranco De Grassi
NIGHT TRAIN TO LISBON
2013
0
A teacher throws in his job to travel to Lisbon after he becomes intrigued by a book he has got from a suicidal woman.
Lovely, evocative title, shame about the movie. It's just very fragmentary, mostly consisting of people - many people - talking about incidents that happened years ago, incidents that might make more sense to those familiar with Portuguese history. Elegant but dry, like some wines.
Dir: Bille August
Stars: Jeremy Irons, Melanie Laurent, Jack Huston, Tom Courtenay, Charlotte Rampling, Christopher Lee
NIGHT TRAIN TO TERROR
1985
0
Sat on a train, which also houses a group of singers and dancers, God and Satan have a discussion about evil, which is illustrated by three stories.
Hilariously awful horror anthology which besides the above throws in claymation and some gore and sleaze; all three tales were actually badly edited bits of other movies, (Scream Your Head Off, The Death Wish Club and Cataclysm, all also known under different titles), and it shows - number three actually seems like three different plots in one! A hysterical treat for those who love bad horrors and Eighties-isms.
Dir: John Carr etc
Stars: Ferdy Mayne, Tony Giorgio, John Phillip Law
THE NIGHT VISITOR
1971
**
Murders are blamed on a prisoner who has escaped from an asylum.
Unusual and really quite good Scandinavian thriller that gains immeasurably from its barren, snowy setting - it's best watched on a chilly winter's night (the slightly faded film stock actually helps). A little slow to begin, certain scenes towards the end are nicely Hitchcockian in nature.
Dir: Laslo Benedek
Stars: Max von Sydow, Trevor Howard, Liv Ullmann, Rupert Davies
THE NIGHT WALKER
1964
*
A woman's dreams of a terrifying man seem to be coming true.
Artificial but scary shocker with a couple of twists.
Dir: William Castle
Stars: Robert Taylor, Barbara Stanwyck, Judi Meredith
NIGHT WAS OUR FRIEND
1951
0
A man thought dead returns to his wife, who has met someone else.
Stiff mystery drama with almost no mystery. Gough's usually worth watching but this is very plain fare.
Dir: Michael Anderson
Stars: Michael Gough, Elizabeth Sellars, Ronald Howard
NIGHT WATCH
1973
*
A rich widow recovering from a nervous breakdown witnesses a murder but no one believes her.
Reasonably effective chiller with as unexpected a climax as could be hoped for.
Dir: Brian G Hutton
Stars: Elizabeth Taylor, Laurence Harvey, Billie Whitelaw, Linda Hayden
NIGHTBEAST
1982
0
A reptilian alien arrives in a small town where it vaporises the locals.
Gloriously abysmal sci-fi horror, about as inane as they get, a mad mix of childish special effects and strong gore, rounded off by one of the least erotic sex scenes ever committed to film.
Dir: Don Dohler
Stars: Tom Griffith, Jamie Zemarel, Karin Kardian
NIGHTBIRDS
1970
0
Two lost souls come together in contemporary London.
Thought lost for many years, this is an unusual film for Milligan, mostly known for his cheapjack horrors, and while it has a sort of hardy rawness, poor acting and not-very-interesting dialogue dissipate its effectiveness. Too many scenes go nowhere; maybe with a bigger budget it could have achieved more - but then again, maybe not.
Dir: Andy Milligan
Stars: Berwick Kaler, Julie Shaw
NIGHTBREED
1990
*
A serial killer goes after a band of mutants.
An attempt to create a Tolkienish world and fill it with gory set pieces delivered at pace; the creator's fans may enjoy it but the casual viewer is likely to feel detached from the action.
Dir: Clive Barker
Stars: Craig Sheffer, David Cronenberg, Anne Bobby
THE NIGHTCOMERS
1971
0
A prequel to The Turn Of The Screw (filmed as The Innocents in 1961, qv), explaining how the children became the way they did.
Chiller low on tension and suspense, a curious fish really, technically pretty good but rather wan, with grotty elements. It lacks sympathetic characters - one who could have been, the governess, is severely underwritten. Is there much of a point to this film?
Dir: Michael Winner
Stars: Marlon Brando, Stephanie Beacham, Thora Hird, Harry Andrews
NIGHTFLYERS
1987
0
A group of scientists realise the computer aboard their spaceship is trying to kill them.
Murky sci-fi with tedious over-use of hardware and dank, unattractive sets.
Dir: Robert Collector
Stars: Catherine Mary Stewart, Michael Praed, John Standing
NIGHTHAWKS
1978
**
A gay London school teacher has a succession of lovers.
Credited as the first British film to properly show the gay scene, this informally played drama is very much a semi-professional effort, painfully pieced together over several years: the drawbacks of this are that there are some sequences where little happens that should have been excised, the dialogue lacks sheen and zip, and many of the actors crash each other's lines, but not in a natural way; on the upside it unerringly captures late Seventies grottiness and shadowy homosexual lifestyles, from the sweaty clubs to the cold and squalid bedsits peopled by pale-skinned, hungry souls. Its non-demonstrative style suits the subject matter well and certain scenes, particularly the one in the classroom when the pupils quiz Jim on his sexuality, have great raw power.
Dir: Ron Peck
Stars: Ken Robertson, Tony Westrope, Rachel Nicholas James
NIGHTHAWKS 2: STRIP JACK NAKED
1991
*
The director of Nighthawks talks about his life and the struggle to get his film made, largely accompanied by scenes from the original that failed to make it to the screen.
Another personal project for Peck, this should be of interest to scholars of gay history in modern Britain, although he almost spoils things with some fatuous comments on the Falklands War. Cut sequences from the 1978 film recall its mood and occasional perspicacity; this brave brace of pictures is worth seeing. Who's Jack?
Dir/Narrator: Ron Peck
A NIGHTINGALE SANG IN BERKELEY SQUARE
1979
*
An ex-con gets a job in a bank, so villains move in on him to get help with a huge robbery.
Unflashy but quite enjoyable caper enhanced by London location shooting and a very solid cast; it's not a challenge to keep watching. Pity the print's not better! Poorly titled; some of the alternate titles are better.
Dir: Ralph Thomas
Stars: Richard Jordan, David Niven, Oliver Tobias, Elke Sommer, Richard Johnson, Gloria Grahame
1964
**
A schoolgirl whose mother was insane appears to be descending into madness too.
Unlikely and calculable it may be, but this Hammer effort is eminently watchable and genuinely scary, thanks in no small part to excellent black and white photography of wintry locations.
Dir: Freddie Francis
Stars: David Knight, Moira Redmond, Jennie Linden, George A Cooper
NIGHTMARE
1981
0
An escaped mental patient goes on a killing spree.
One of the 39 movies branded as 'video nasties' in 1980s Britain, most of which would disappoint viewers tracking them down years later (they'd acquired celebrity status); this is grim stuff enlivened by some over the top gore effects.
Dir: Romano Scavolini
Stars: Baird Stafford, Sharon Smith, CJ Cooke
NIGHTMARE ALLEY
1947
**
The rise and fall of a man who gets into mentalism.
Unusual and effective drama that would eventually be eclipsed by the Del Torro version in 2021, which gives more depth to the characters and adds more detail all round. But this remains a very watchable cautionary tale.
Dir: Edmund Goulding
Stars: Tyrone Power, Joan Blondell, Coleen Gray, Helen Walker
NIGHTMARE ALLEY
2021
***
A carnival worker with a dark past develops a mind-reading act that gives him wealth and fame.
A glossy retelling of the novel previously shot in 1947, this is overlong but richly developed, with added character dimensions (to some of the characters, not all) and sumptuous set design and wardrobe, plus a well-etched portrayal of carnival life. Cooper carries the show with some aplomb, while the creative-in-chief Del Torro more than has his fingerprints all over it; possibly too slow for some, it is rewarding for the patient.
Dir: Guillermo del Torro
Stars: Bradley Cooper, Cate Blanchett, Toni Collette, Willem Dafoe, Richard Jenkins, Rooney Mara
THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS
1993
*
The Pumpkin King aims to turn Christmas into another Halloween.
Quirky, cleverly animated fantasy which may appeal to adults more than children.
Dir: Henry Selick
Voices: Danny Elfman, Chris Sarandon, Catherine O'Hara
NIGHTMARE CITY
1980
0
The occupants of an aeroplane are exposed to radiation and turn into bloodthirsty zombies.
While never in any danger of being in the category of 'good', this energetic horror film serves up plenty of trashy treats, including lots of amusing gore and violence, gore and violence that previously got it into trouble with the British authorities but now looks comic book-esque. Fans of insane Italian Dawn Of The Dead rip-offs will find much to like.
Dir: Umberto Lenzi
Stars: Hugo Stiglitz, Laura Trotter, Maria Rosaria Omaggio
NIGHTMARE HONEYMOON
1973
0
Two newlyweds are terrorised by two killer rapists.
Depressing shocker which immerses the viewer in misery and vice.
Dir: Elliot Silverstein
Stars: John Beck, Jim Boles
NIGHTMARE MAKER
1982
*
A 17-year-old boy is taken care of by his aunt, who is mad and getting madder.
Twisted creepy that can’t quite sustain its plot – it’s not that it’s too absurd (although it is) but it hasn’t got the courage of its sleazy convictions. Still, it’s one of the more thoughtful video nasties and can genuinely fuel nightmares.
Dir: William Asher
Stars: Jimmy McNichol, Susan Tyrell, Bo Svenson
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET
1985
**
A girl's sleep is disturbed by dreams of a killer with razors on his gloves, Fred Krueger.
Slick horror comic with plenty of wild invention, it introduced a new first-class bogeyman and became its director's biggest hit. The pacing is a tad off but its imagination ensures a fair few memorable and iconic fright sequences.
Dir: Wes Craven
Stars: John Saxon, Heather Langenkamp, Robert Englund, Johnny Depp
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET PART 2: FREDDY’S REVENGE
1986
0
A teenage boy is pursued by Freddy in his dreams and real life.
Ill-starred sequel which lies there and dies there.
Dir: Jack Sholder
Stars: Mark Patton, Robert Englund, Clu Gulager, Sydney Walsh
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET PART 3: DREAM WARRIORS
1987
*
Nancy fights back against the razor-bladed one.
Corny stuff with a few stunning special effects.
Dir: Chuck Russell
Stars: Heather Langenkamp, Robert Englund, Craig Wasson, Patricia Arquette
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET PART 4: THE DREAM MASTER
1988
0
Freddy terrorises the sleeping hours of the remaining Dream Warriors.
Contrived trick effects leap out of an incohesive whole.
Dir: Renny Harlin
Stars: Robert Englund, Tuesday Knight, Lisa Wilcox
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 5: THE DREAM CHILD
1989
0
Alice battles Freddy once more.
More young and beautiful Americans dismembered in dazzlingly inventive ways, which keeps one's mind off the ridiculous plot.
Dir: Stephen Hopkins
Stars: Robert Englund, Lisa Wilcox, Erika Anderson
Sequels: Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare, Wes Craven's New Nightmare, Freddy Vs Jason (all qv)
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET
2010
0
Dour reboot which wasn't especially necessary; it goes for grit and a less campy Freddy but is short of originality in other areas.
Dir: Samuel Bayer
Stars: Jackie Earle Hayley, Kyle Gallner, Rooney Mara
NIGHTMARE VACATION
1983
0
Campers start dying in mysterious ways.
A movie probably too bad even for middle-of-the-night satellite TV exposure, this truly awful melding of Friday The 13th and Degrassi Junior High caps it all off with the most inept twist ever.
Dir: Robert Hiltzik
Stars: Felissa Rose, Jonathan Tiersten
NIGHTMARE WEEKEND
1986
0
A scientist turns three college girls into hideous mutants.
Sloppy and senseless shocker which borrows the idea of a deadly silver ball from Phantasm (qv).
Dir: Henry Sala
Stars: Debbie Laster, Dale Midkiff
NIGHTMARES
1983
*
Four horror stories: Terror In Topanga, Bishop Of Battle, The Benediction and Night Of The Rat.
Competent anthology with the most effective moments coming in the first two stories.
Dir: Joseph Sargent
Stars: Emilio Estevez, Gary Cervantes, Lance Henriksen
NIGHTMARES COME AT NIGHT
1970
0
A woman has recurring nightmares of killing people.
Bamboozling balderdash, terrible on every level.
Dir: Jess Franco
Stars: Diana Lorys, Paul Muller, Soledad Miranda
THE NIGHTS OF TERROR
1981
0
Re-awoken zombies attack a party of socialites.
One for the horror fan who isn't too bothered if there's no plot, characterisation, logic, sane dialogue, decent acting, proper pacing or variety of action: but you could, just about, make an argument that it deliberately plays out like a bad dream and that the unrelenting tide of terror is effective on a visceral level. That's highly debatable, but it does have good zombie make-up and a unique charge due to its bizarre sleaze - there aren't many films where a midget actor plays a young boy who fancies his mother and, in a zombiefied state, bites her breast off...
Dir: Andrea Bianchi
Stars: Karin Well, Gianluigi Chirizzi, Simone Mattioli, Antonella Antinori, Pietro Barzocchini
NIGHTWING
1979
0
Killer bats plague an Indian reservation in New Mexico.
Weary horror with the odd diversion.
Dir: Arthur Hiller
Stars: David Warner, Nick Mancuso, Kathryn Harrold
NIKITA
1990
*
A female criminal is given a new identity and trained to become a super-spy.
French thriller accessible enough to be attractive to international audiences.
Dir: Luc Besson
Stars: Anne Parillaud, Marc Duret, Patrick Fontana
NIL BY MOUTH
1997
**
Desperate lives in a working class district of South London.
An all-too believable portrayal of life in what to many will look like an urban hell – but these people take solace from family and tradition, as well as escaping into drugs and drink. Note the final scenes and what they say about what has gone on before and the cycle of these characters’ lives. Much of what can be written about it has been voiced many times before: Winstone’s performance is mighty, the rest of the cast is excellent too; the film is obviously a highly personal project by the director; it’s bracing and well shot. It would have been even better at a shorter length – the Billy character’s tale should have been curtailed a little.
Dir: Gary Oldman
Stars: Ray Winstone, Kathy Burke, Charlie Creed-Miles, Laila Morse
9 AGES OF NAKEDNESS
1969
0
Nine sketches featuring the nudes through the ages.
Nutty rag bag of barely scripted tat, quite strong for the time - in fact it commits the cardinal sin of a saucy film: too much nudity.
Dir: George Harrison Marks
Narrator: Charles Gray. Stars: George Harrison Marks, Sue Bond
NINE 1/2 WEEKS
1986
0
A man and a woman have an intense sexual relationship.
Glossy but boring 'erotic' drama shot like a pop video, it became a big commercial success because people thought there was more nudity in it than there actually was.
Dir: Adrian Lyne
Stars: Mickey Rourke, Kim Basinger, Margaret Whitton
THE NINE DEMONS
1984
0
A kung fu expert gets demonic powers to avenge the death of his father.
Bizarre nonsense consisting of endless fights, somersaults, wire work, jump cuts, crash zooms and slappy sound effects. Although it's imaginative and frantic, the novelty soon palls thanks to its one-tone feel (all either tussles or talk); the ultimate effect is numbness.
Dir: Cheh Chang
Stars: Tien-Chi Cheng, Li Wang, Fu-Chien Chang, Seng Chiang
NINE LIVES
2016
0
An unlikeable businessman becomes trapped in the body of a cat.
Laughless comedy which never begins to work; watching cat videos on YouTube is vastly preferable. Spacey is less amusing as the cat as Bill Murray was as Garfield, and the moggy's meowing is really annoying.
Dir: Barry Sonnenfeld
Stars: Kevin Spacey, Jennifer Garner, Christopher Walken, Robbie Amell, Cheryl Hines
NINE QUEENS
2002
***
Two con men try to swindle a stamp collector by selling him fake rare stamps.
Possibly the best film ever to come out of Argentina is an intense, gripping tale full of clever twists which makes for sophisticated adult entertainment.
Dir: Fabian Bielinsky
Stars: Gaston Pauls, Ricardo Darin, Leticia Bredice
976-EVIL
1988
0
A bullied boy gets satanic powers by dialling a certain phone number.
The actor-turned-director's effort at a film is probably what you'd expect of an actor-turned-director's film, not telling a strong, compelling story, having many poorly developed characters and frequently verging on narrative incoherence. It livens up towards the end when the kid goes on his killing spree (is that the only 'spree' except for a 'shopping spree'?), but it's a trashy trip to get there. A small example of its weird decisions is that after people call the number they are then asked to dial '666' to get their 'horrorscope'; and the lack of explanation for what's going on is insulting.
Dir: Robert Englund
Stars: Stephen Geoffreys, Patrick O'Bryan, Jim Metzler, Sandy Dennis
NINE SONGS
2004
0
A couple go to rock concerts and have sex.
An experiment in irregular narrative complete with explicit sex; it is neither endearing nor enlightening.
Dir: Michael Winterbottom
Stars: Kieran O'Brien, Margo Stilley
THE NINES
2007
*
An actor, a writer and a videogame maker, who look remarkably similar, find their lives mysteriously intertwining.
A movie that relishes its own state of perpetual confusion – which is all very well, but it courts danger in never making it clear to the viewer what is happening. The ending doesn’t make things completely obvious either, and the whole film looks like it was expressly designed to send its audiences to internet message boards after its conclusion.
Dir: John August
Stars: Ryan Reynolds, Melissa McCarthy, Hope Davis, Elle Fanning
1984
1956
0
Winston Smith battles against an all-powerful totalitarian state.
Worn version of Orwell’s novel that lacks style and panache; the lead could barely be more ill-chosen – a chubby American who has only one expression – the relationship between Winston and Julia never convinces, and you don’t see a single rat in Room 101. The adaptation below is much superior.
Dir: Michael Anderson
Stars: Edmond O’Brien, Michael Redgrave, Jan Sterling, David Kossoff, Mervyn Johns, Donald Pleasence
1984
1984
*
In a totalitarian society, a man rebels against the state by falling in love.
As bleak as Orwell's brilliant novel (the best ever written?), cold and clammy and grey, reinforcing the author's theme of totalitarianism being like a boot stamping on a human face forever. Hurt's performance could not be better, with excellent support from Burton and Hamilton.
Dir: Michael Radford
Stars: John Hurt, Richard Burton, Suzanna Hamilton, Cyril Cusack
1941
1979
*
After Pearl Harbour is bombed, Americans expect a Japanese invasion.
Manic farce in which subtly is not on the menu; instead we have big, brash comic episodes that are only occasionally amusing.
Dir: Stephen Spielberg
Stars: Dan Aykroyd, Ned Beatty, John Belushi, Christopher Lee, Tim Matheson
NINETY DEGREES IN THE SHADE
1965
**
A woman is asked to take the rap for her lover when theft is uncovered at his shop.
What makes this obscure drama a pleasing discovery is its unusualness and off-kilter way of making things seem unsettled and unsettling, from its Prague setting to its dubbed voices to its strange score. Most of the characters have fascinating faces to look at – including the beautiful lead actress – and there are interesting themes going on, including ones on the alienation and desperation in some people’s lives, and a few vaguely Hitchcockian suspense scenes (the scene with the bottles in the cellar recalls Notorious).
Dir: Jiri Weiss
Stars: Anne Heywood, James Booth, Rudolf Hrusinsky, Donald Wolfit, Ann Todd
1917
2019
***
In World War I, two young soldiers are given the onerous task of delivering a vital message to their colleagues in a different division.
The astonishing technical achievements of this picture somewhat overshadow the on-screen dramatics: the viewer is more likely to think 'How did the production designers and special effects wizards do that?' rather than be absorbed in the characters' travails. And the film does in many ways resemble a triple-A videogame - perhaps that's why it was such a success. But it feels big, it feels like an event, probably enough to mask its script deficiencies, if not quite enough to stop one thinking that movies tend to benefit from edits - they help eliminate the more mundane bits, for a start.
Dir: Sam Mendes
Stars: Dean Charles-Chapman, George MacKay, Colin Firth, Andrew Scott
NINJA 3: THE DOMINATION
1985
*
An evil ninja possesses a woman in order to finish his dirty work.
Fast moving nonsense with a surfeit of action-packed tear-ups.
Dir: Sam Firstenberg
Stars: Sho Kosugi, Lucinda Dickey, Jordan Bennett
NINOTCHKA
1939
**
A Russian woman in Paris is attracted to a man who represents everything she should hate.
Much imitated comedy which flies until the final half hour (roughly after the words 'Garbo laughs' have been uttered, in fact).
Dir: Ernst Lubitsch
Stars: Greta Garbo, Melvyn Douglas, Ina Claire, Bela Lugosi
THE NINTH CONFIGURATION
1980
0
In a remote castle an ex-marine psychiatrist tries to rehabilitate patients with deluded fantasies.
Surely only a fraction of a fraction of people would find this movie an attractive watch - you have to wonder who would get pleasure out of it. It's a succession of angry men shouting and doing nutty things, and in familiar Blatty style it's almost humourless - Keach's blank, unchanging expression is testament to that. The late biker sequence which eventually changes the tone is a bit risible, but at least it's different to the irritating grind that preceded it.
Dir: William Peter Blatty
Stars: Stacy Keach, Scott Wilson, Jason Miller, Ed Flanders
THE NINTH GATE
1999
*
A book dealer is drawn into a supernatural quagmire.
Conventional, methodically paced horror in which you expect more to happen than actually does.
Dir: Roman Polanski
Stars: Johnny Depp, Frank Langella, Lena Olin, Emmanuelle Seigner
THE NINTH GUEST
1934
*
A group of people are invited to an apartment for a party where death is on the menu.
A Saw for its time! Also a possible inspiration for Agatha Christie's Ten Little Indians, and while it doesn't have the supreme skill of that story it's quite neatly done with some quirks including shots from inside the radio. Some of the killings have tang and the final scene is impressively dark.
Dir: Roy William Neill
Stars: Donald Cook, Genevieve Tobin, Hardie Albright
NIXON
1996
**
The life of President Richard Nixon, whose time in the White House ended in disgrace.
Very Oliver Stone - a meaty biopic, all flashy technique, with a strong lead performance, but perhaps just a little too aware of its own importance.
Dir: Oliver Stone
Stars: Anthony Hopkins, Joan Allen, Powers Boothe, Ed Harris, Bob Hoskins, E G Marshall, Mary Steenburgen, James Woods
NO BLADE OF GRASS
1970
*
A family flee disease-ridden London for the safety of the countryside.
Humourless and weird this sci-fi may be, but it's oddly likeable, and the action sequences are decent enough. It's certainly not subtle, and is at times pedantic, with its environmental message hammered home, though who's to say its scenes of citizens panicked by a virus weren't a little prophetic? Its eccentric Seventies-isms extend to a childbirth and a bit of rape, plus some effective flash-forwards, while its syrupy main title theme is possibly ill-chosen.
Dir: Cornel Wilde
Stars: Nigel Davenport, Jean Wallace, John Hamill, Lynne Frederick
NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN
2007
***
A man finds a suitcase full of money and is relentlessly pursued by a psychopathic hitman who wants it back.
Highly praised but far from flawless thriller about blank figures on a landscape; the first half in particular is a terse, taciturn exercise in suspense but none of the characters ever come to life – Brolin and Macdonald are feautureless, Bardem is a killing machine and nothing more, and Jones only offers weary, difficult-to-hear soliloquies. It looks good and some of the dialogue is very crisp but a peculiarly unsatisfactory climax rounds off a sometimes frustrating experience.
Dir: Ethan Coen, Joel Coen
Stars: Josh Brolin, Javier Bardem, Tommy Lee Jones, Kelly Macdonald, Woody Harrelson
NO HIGHWAY IN THE SKY
1951
*
A boffin predicts that a certain type of aircraft will fail mid-flight and kill all on board.
Unusual - actually really rather odd - drama that's extremely talkative and doesn't develop in the manner that might have been expected, but is technically proficient and expertly acted. One wonders, though, if it left a few dissatisfied customers. Stewart does a mini Mr Smith Goes to Washington near the end, which is good to see.
Dir: Henry Koster
Stars: James Stewart, Marlene Dietrich, Glynis Johns, Jack Hawkins
NO LIMIT
1935
*
George competes in the Isle of Man TT races.
Cheerful star comedy with nice landscapes.
Dir: Monty Banks
Stars: George Formby, Florence Desmond, Howard Douglas
NO SECRETS!
1979
0
An incompetent US marine tries to retrieve a space capsule from an African dictator.
A retarded seven-year-old could probably make a better film than this, an unbelievably egregious mess, a true low for all concerned.
Dir: Peter Curran
Stars: Oliver Reed, Peter Cushing, Sylvaine Charlet, Keenan Wynn, Wilfrid Hyde-White, Melvyn Hayes
NO SEX PLEASE - WE’RE BRITISH
1972
*
Dirty books are accidentally sent to a mild-mannered bank worker.
The archetypal trouser-dropping-vicar-appearing farce transfers to the screen with the odd bump but keeps a good deal of the bright farce intact.
Dir: Cliff Owen
Stars: Ronnie Corbett, Beryl Reid, Arthur Lowe, Ian Ogilvy, Susan Penhaligon
NO TIME TO DIE
2021
*
James Bond comes up against a villain who has got hold of deadly new technology.
This long - and long-awaited - final Bond film of Craig’s ends up quality-wise in the middle of his five efforts. Pleasingly, the actor is a bit more alive and awake than in his previous entries, and it’s nice to see the series going a bit sci-fi again, unafraid to reclaim the dastardly-villain-with-an-underground-lair from Austin Powers. As ever, the locations, photography and set-pieces are top notch, but it is too long: they could have cut the running time by not bothering with the new 007 character, who comes across as tokenistic, and her removal would have barely affected the plot. There’s not a huge amount of passion between Bond and Madeleine despite there being plenty of emoting on show, Malek’s villain is underwhelming, and M’s swearing is so spectacularly pointless as to be insulting. It’s the movie’s climax that got most tongues wagging, and in a way it’s fitting for this era, an era in which the heroic likes of Thomas Jefferson have their statues torn down: we get rid of our heroes at our peril. In a period in which cinema attendance was decimated, though, it feels good to have a ’special’ movie event, and despite its flaws this does feel a bit special.
Dir: Cary Joji Fukunaga
Stars: Daniel Craig, Lea Seydoux, Rami Malek, Lashana Lynch, Ana de Armas, Ben Whishaw, Ralph Fiennes, Jeffrey Wright, Christoph Waltz
NO WAY OUT
1987
*
When a politician accidentally kills his mistress, the other man who went with her looks like he may be framed for it.
Decent thriller mainly set in the Pentagon, with a lot of high-powered men getting hot under the collar, following earlier scenes of Young raising men's temperatures (during the otherwise laboured start). There is silliness, particularly near the end, but it's fairly interesting stuff, a much updated remake of The Big Clock (qv) with now outdated tech.
Dir: Roger Donaldson
Stars: Kevin Costner, Gene Hackman, Sean Young, Will Patton
1994
*
A lonely 29-year-old woman seeks spiritual help to find a man.
Quirky (perhaps too self-consciously so) little drama, with a few longeurs but a few perfectly judged moments of humour and pathos.
Dir: Doris Dorrie
Stars: Maria Schrader, Pierre Sanoussi-Bliss
NOISES OFF
1991
**
A theatre production is chaotic backstage but somehow still plays on.
The beguiling ingenuities of this clever play are a little muted by slack direction but there’s much to enjoy, especially during the middle section.
Dir: Peter Bogdanovich
Stars: Michael Caine, Carol Burnett, Denholm Elliott, Julie Hagerty, Christopher Reeve
NOMADLAND
2020
***
A widow whose town has been closed down travels around in her van, going from one job to the next.
A naturalistic slice of life - life spent on the margins of society, a transient way of being. And it feels completely authentic, using as it does many real travelling people in the cast, really getting under the fingernails of such an existence (it also gets close to nature thanks to its camerawork). Criticism could be levelled that it shows the existence as not as tough as it really is, and that in turn means a film that is low on incident or drama, but as a lyrical expression of human beings' interaction with their raw environment it is something of a triumph.
Dir: Chloe Zhao
Stars: Frances McDormand, David Strathairn
NOMADS
1985
0
A young doctor takes on demons.
Perplexing and lethargic fantasy in which even the incidental music is dreadful.
Dir: John McTiernan
Stars: Adam Ant, Paul Anselmo, Pierce Brosnan, Lesley-Anne Down
NORMA RAE
1979
*
A young female textile worker aims to unionise her mill.
Well made drama with nothing but sympathy for unions, powered by an Oscar-winning lead performance; interesting but not thrilling.
Dir: Martin Ritt
Stars: Sally Field, Ron Leibman, Beau Bridges, Pat Hingle
NORTH BY NORTHWEST
1959
****
An advertising man is forced to go on the run when he is mistaken for a secret agent.
Hitchcock's most perfectly realised chase thriller in which every single element - the score, the witty script, the fine cast, the titles - come together to produce a movie of the first order. Elegant, exquisite and exciting, it's also a journey through America when the country was at its absolute peak, and one can only sit back and admire the master's grasp of the medium.
Dir: Alfred Hitchcock
Stars: Cary Grant, Eva Marie Saint, James Mason, Jessie Royce Landis, Leo G Carroll, Martin Landau
NORTH WEST FRONTIER
1959
**
In the days of the Raj, a young Indian prince is escorted to safety on an old train.
Pleasingly plotted adventure that gains from spectacular location shooting and an eminent cast, with More and Hyde-White giving delightful renditions of old-school Englishmen. It mixes set-pieces that are subtly suspenseful with intelligent discussions often concerning Empire and religion, and any movie largely set on a vintage steam locomotive has got to be a canny one; a solid Sunday afternoon film.
Dir: J Lee Thompson
Stars: Kenneth More, Lauren Bacall, Herbert Lom, Wilfrid Hyde-White
NORTHSTAR
1985 (TV)
0
An astronaut gains super-human powers after passing through a magnetic field.
Derivative and rather gruesome failed TV pilot.
Dir: Peter Levin
Stars: Greg Evigan, Deborah Wakeham, Mitch Ryan
NOSFERATU
1921
***
A vampire has a particular interest in an estate agent's wife.
One of the cinema's most genuinely unsettling pictures, thanks to its unnerving conviction and the legendary, unique performance from Schreck.
Dir: F W Murnau
Stars: Max Schreck, Gustav von Wangenheim, Greta Schroder
NOSFERATU THE VAMPYRE
1979
*
Dracula searches for a bride, bringing death and pestilence with him.
Dawdling version of the familiar tale which has some merit thanks to the star's powerful performance and a thick atmosphere of foreboding.
Dir: Werner Herzog
Stars: Klaus Kinski, Isabelle Adjani, Bruno Ganz
NOSTRADAMUS
1994
0
The story of the man who claimed he could see the future.
Surly biopic disappointing in every respect.
Dir: Roger Christian
Stars: Tcheky Karyo, F Murray Abraham, Rutger Hauer, Amanda Plummer
NOT NOW, COMRADE
1977
0
Complications arise when a Russian ballet dancer decides to defect to Britain.
Stupefying and inane farce almost entirely shot in the hallway of a big house, it demonstrates why alternative comedy arose a few years later to wipe this sort of thing off the map. The dumb machinations would bore after 20 minutes, never mind an hour and a half.
Dir: Ray Cooney, Harold Snoad
Stars: Leslie Phillips, Ian Lavender, Carol Hawkins, Roy Kinnear, Ray Cooney, Michele Dotrice, June Whitfield, Windsor Davies
NOT NOW DARLING
1973
*
A posh salon owner gets into difficulties when he attempts to give his mistress an expensive fur.
A more faithful transfer of a stage play to the screen you could not see, with virtually all the action taking place on one set; the frenetic goings on will be familiar to anyone acquainted with Cooney’s brand of farce. Despite the efforts of a bright cast, it soon becomes irritatingly ridiculous and highlights how much more subtle movies must be than theatre productions.
Dir: Ray Cooney, David Croft
Stars: Leslie Phillips, Julie Ege, Ray Cooney, Barbara Windsor, Joan Sims, Derren Nesbitt, Bill Fraser, Jack Hulbert, Peter Butterworth, Graham Stark
NOT OF THIS EARTH
1957
*
A sunglasses-wearing alien comes to Earth in search of human blood.
Talky and very low budget it may be, but this Corman flick has a strong following and does manage to evoke a certain mood with a few mildly scary moments, most courtesy of people in white contact lenses. An onscreen message at the start warns you that it’s your fault if you don’t enjoy it!
Dir: Roger Corman
Stars: Paul Birch, Beverly Garland, Morgan Jones
NOT OF THIS EARTH
1988
0
A vampire alien seeks blood for his world.
Sexed up remake of the 1957 Roger Corman movie with a senseless script and acting that has to be seen to be believed.
Dir: Jim Wynorski
Stars: Traci Lords, Arthur Roberts, Ava Cadell
NOT QUITE HOLLYWOOD
2008
**
Documentary about Australian exploitation films from the early ’70s onwards.
A fast-paced treat that offers up lots of juicy anecdotes (the tales of the wilful ignoring of health and safety are amazing) and lots of clips from deliciously delirious Aussie movies (including Patrick, Roadgames, Razorback, Harlequin, The Survivor, Felicity, Alison’s Birthday and Turkey Shoot, all qv). Worth a look even if you’re not a fan of the genre.
Dir: Mark Hartley
Stars: Quentin Tarantino, George Lazenby, Dennis Hopper, Barry Humphries
NOT TONIGHT, DARLING!
1971
0
A bored housewife seeks excitement but gets involved with a blackmailer.
Sex in the suburbs, or at least West London, and typical of the period in so many ways it couldn't have known. It's a low-key tale of quiet desperation with life and the search for an escape, which is ultimately futile - and it's also an excuse to show off the wonderful charms of gorgeous Peters, who gives it her all; it's a shame the director isn't a bit more sure-handed, but it's not without allure for those hooked on the place, time and genre.
Dir: Anthony Sloman
Stars: Luan Peters, Vincent Ball, Jason Twelvetrees
NOTES ON A SCANDAL
2006
*
An art teacher has an affair with one of her pupils, leading to all manner of recriminations.
Woe and fury in north London, very typical of its writer, Patrick Marber, the sexual politics man; a slightly wearisome journey from mundanity to hysteria, fortified by at least one excellent performance.
Dir: Richard Eyre
Stars: Judi Dench, Cate Blanchett, Bill Nighy
NOTHING BUT THE BEST
1964
*
A young man gets ahead in business with the help of a slippery associate.
Oleaginous comic drama which is very well made and must have seemed terribly with-it and daring at the time, but now largely comes across as neither personable nor cogent.
Dir: Clive Donner
Stars: Alan Bates, Denholm Elliott, Millicent Martin, Harry Andrews
NOTHING BUT THE NIGHT
1972
*
A mysterious orphanage is investigated after several deaths occur.
Curious, rather confused mystery film with fantastic elements, never quite well written or well directed enough to satisfy, certainly not a match the cast: the focus is just off (why so much of Dors' character?), despite a semi-effective climax which vaguely resembles that of The Wicker Man. A tad too verbose, while at the same time being underpowered dramatically, it's something of a misfire which will nevertheless be tracked down by Cushing-Lee acolytes.
Dir: Peter Sasdy
Stars: Christopher Lee, Peter Cushing, Diana Dors, Georgia Brown, Keith Barron, Fulton Mackay, Michael Gambon
NOTHING BUT TROUBLE
1944
0
Stan and Ollie cause chaos as a chef and butler but save a young king.
One of the boys’ worst, with far too many characters, no decent comic foils, too much sentiment and no laughs.
Dir: Sam Taylor
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Mary Boland
NOTHING SACRED
1937
**
A woman discovers that she doesn't really have the radium poisoning she was diagnosed with but pretends she still has it to ensure a reporter's attention.
Fast and funny satire in excellent early colour.
Dir: William A Wellman
Stars: Carole Lombard, Fredric March, Charles Winninger
NOTHING UNDERNEATH
1986
*
Top models are being picked off by a serial killer.
Easy on the eye and mind Italian shocker in a familiar vein.
Dir: Carlo Vanzina
Stars: Tom Schanley, Donald Pleasence, Renee Simonsen
NOTTING HILL
1999
**
A glamorous American film star falls for a London bookshop owner.
Cunningly crafted film for couples, this deliberately structured comedy makes good use of contemporary London settings and allows its cast to turn on the charm.
Dir: Roger Mitchell
Stars: Hugh Grant, Julia Roberts, Rhys Ifans, James Dreyfus, Dylan Moran
NOTORIOUS
1946
****
A woman is asked by the secret service to marry a Nazi to get vital war secrets.
Masterful thriller that is among Hitchcock's most brilliant achievements, as it encompasses so much more than the main theme, that of uranium stored in wine bottles, and builds towards a magnificent climax that exhibits all that is great in cinema. Is there another film which has so many entrancing close-ups of the wonderful faces of the actors (Grant and Bergman in particular)? As is frequently the case, Donald Spoto's essay on this classic is the one to read and absorb.
Dir: Alfred Hitchcock
Stars: Cary Grant, Ingrid Bergman, Claude Rains, Leopoldine Konstantin
NOTORIOUS
1992 (TV)
*
A decent enough remake, but the cast is decidedly second rate and the espionage plot a little outdated.
Dir: Colin Bucksey
Stars: John Shea, Jenny Robertson, Jean-Pierre Cassel
THE NOTORIOUS BETTIE PAGE
2005
**
The story of the woman who became synonymous with fetish modelling.
Simplistic biopic which looks terrifically authentic but leaves its central character only lightly sketched in.
Dir: Mary Harron
Stars: Gretchen Mol, Chris Bauer, Jared Harris
Stars: Luan Peters, Vincent Ball, Jason Twelvetrees
NOTES ON A SCANDAL
2006
*
An art teacher has an affair with one of her pupils, leading to all manner of recriminations.
Woe and fury in north London, very typical of its writer, Patrick Marber, the sexual politics man; a slightly wearisome journey from mundanity to hysteria, fortified by at least one excellent performance.
Dir: Richard Eyre
Stars: Judi Dench, Cate Blanchett, Bill Nighy
NOTHING BUT THE BEST
1964
*
A young man gets ahead in business with the help of a slippery associate.
Oleaginous comic drama which is very well made and must have seemed terribly with-it and daring at the time, but now largely comes across as neither personable nor cogent.
Dir: Clive Donner
Stars: Alan Bates, Denholm Elliott, Millicent Martin, Harry Andrews
NOTHING BUT THE NIGHT
1972
*
A mysterious orphanage is investigated after several deaths occur.
Curious, rather confused mystery film with fantastic elements, never quite well written or well directed enough to satisfy, certainly not a match the cast: the focus is just off (why so much of Dors' character?), despite a semi-effective climax which vaguely resembles that of The Wicker Man. A tad too verbose, while at the same time being underpowered dramatically, it's something of a misfire which will nevertheless be tracked down by Cushing-Lee acolytes.
Dir: Peter Sasdy
Stars: Christopher Lee, Peter Cushing, Diana Dors, Georgia Brown, Keith Barron, Fulton Mackay, Michael Gambon
NOTHING BUT TROUBLE
1944
0
Stan and Ollie cause chaos as a chef and butler but save a young king.
One of the boys’ worst, with far too many characters, no decent comic foils, too much sentiment and no laughs.
Dir: Sam Taylor
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Mary Boland
NOTHING SACRED
1937
**
A woman discovers that she doesn't really have the radium poisoning she was diagnosed with but pretends she still has it to ensure a reporter's attention.
Fast and funny satire in excellent early colour.
Dir: William A Wellman
Stars: Carole Lombard, Fredric March, Charles Winninger
NOTHING UNDERNEATH
1986
*
Top models are being picked off by a serial killer.
Easy on the eye and mind Italian shocker in a familiar vein.
Dir: Carlo Vanzina
Stars: Tom Schanley, Donald Pleasence, Renee Simonsen
NOTTING HILL
1999
**
A glamorous American film star falls for a London bookshop owner.
Cunningly crafted film for couples, this deliberately structured comedy makes good use of contemporary London settings and allows its cast to turn on the charm.
Dir: Roger Mitchell
Stars: Hugh Grant, Julia Roberts, Rhys Ifans, James Dreyfus, Dylan Moran
NOTORIOUS
1946
****
A woman is asked by the secret service to marry a Nazi to get vital war secrets.
Masterful thriller that is among Hitchcock's most brilliant achievements, as it encompasses so much more than the main theme, that of uranium stored in wine bottles, and builds towards a magnificent climax that exhibits all that is great in cinema. Is there another film which has so many entrancing close-ups of the wonderful faces of the actors (Grant and Bergman in particular)? As is frequently the case, Donald Spoto's essay on this classic is the one to read and absorb.
Dir: Alfred Hitchcock
Stars: Cary Grant, Ingrid Bergman, Claude Rains, Leopoldine Konstantin
NOTORIOUS
1992 (TV)
*
A decent enough remake, but the cast is decidedly second rate and the espionage plot a little outdated.
Dir: Colin Bucksey
Stars: John Shea, Jenny Robertson, Jean-Pierre Cassel
THE NOTORIOUS BETTIE PAGE
2005
**
The story of the woman who became synonymous with fetish modelling.
Simplistic biopic which looks terrifically authentic but leaves its central character only lightly sketched in.
Dir: Mary Harron
Stars: Gretchen Mol, Chris Bauer, Jared Harris
A NOUS LES PETITES ANGLAISES!
1976
0
To help improve their English, two French boys are sent to England - but they just want to chase girls.
Shapeless, overlong and boring French romance that doesn't make you feel much for the boys or the girls - the boys are especially a rum lot, and get away scot-free robbing a nice old woman's shop. There's some canny footage of contemporary Kent, but this is a disappointingly leaden, prudish, misfiring flick.
Dir: Michel Lang
Stars: Remi Laurent, Stephane Hillel, Veronique Delbourg
NOW I'LL TELL ONE
1927
0
A woman goes to court to prosecute her husband for being a bad spouse.
This short was completely lost until 1989, when the second reel was unearthed and was found to feature not just Stan Laurel but Oliver Hardy (in a small role as a policeman), thereby making it something of historical importance, at least to some of us. There are 100 stills and 10 minutes of poor quality footage online but it's not overly surprising that it's very difficult to connect to or feel affection for; still, let's be grateful that it exists.
Dir: James Parrott
Stars: Charley Chase, Edna Marion, Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy
NOW OR NEVER
1921
0
A young man prone to mishaps must accompany a small child on a train.
This Lloyd short doesn't feel short enough, and when he gets on top of the train near the end of it that's when it peaks - were it that there were more al fresco antics.
Dir: Fred C Newmeyer, Hal Roach
Stars: Harold Lloyd, Mildred Davis, Anna Mae Bilson
NOW YOU SEE ME
2013
*
Four magicians are hired to become a 'superteam' and commit huge crimes.
Perhaps one day the ultimate film about magic will be made (although The Prestige comes close) - this isn't it but it passes the time agreeably: ever-babbling, and shot by an ever-roving camera, it's bustling, slick and glossy, with some clever ideas and a strong cast. Unfortunately it's peopled by paper-thin characters and the only magic tricks that impress are those that seem to be real, as opposed to CGI; it also has an outrageous twist which makes most of what's gone before nonsensical.
Dir: Louis Leterrier
Stars: Mark Ruffalo, Jesse Eisenberg, Woody Harrelson, Isla Fisher, Melanie Laurent, Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman
NOW YOU SEE ME 2
2016
0
The Four Horsemen are asked to pull off a complex heist.
Inferior follow-up with many of the same problems as the first, notably that the tricks can't fully be appreciated since many of them appear to be accomplished by CGI. The ridiculous plot collapses under the weight of its own absurdity, but some set-pieces are fun, especially the crazy card-throwing one.
Dir: Jon M Chu
Stars: Mark Ruffalo, Jesse Eisenberg, Woody Harrelson, Dave Franco, Lizzy Caplan, Daniel Radcliffe, Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman
NOWHERE BOY
2009
*
A teenage John Lennon is frustrated by his relationship with his flighty mother but takes solace in music.
A reasonably worthy addition to the canon of Beatles biopic pictures, this meat-and-potatoes picture is good on period detail and adequately acted, but there’s the nagging feeling that if this wasn’t about John Lennon, would it be a noteworthy movie? A dash more humour, accuracy and ‘Beatles-ness’ would have been nice, but emotional targets are hit and it is dramatically competent.
Dir: Sam Taylor-Wood
Stars: Aaron Johnson, Kristin Scott Thomas, Anne-Marie Duff, Thomas Sangster, David Morrissey
NUDE FOR SATAN
1974
0
A man discovers the dark side of himself at a lonely castle he stops at.
Abominable sexy horror that confuses twaddle for profoundness, a fact that’s particularly evident in the excruciating dialogue and absurd slow-motion sequences. The nadir is reached in the scene with the most fake-looking giant spider ever.
Dir: Luigi Batzella
Stars: Rita Caldana, James Harris, Renato Lupi
NUDE ON THE MOON
1961
0
Scientists land on the moon and discover it is inhabited by naked females!
Hysterical nudie cutie which revels in boobs and brainlessness.
Dir: Raymond Phelan, Doris Wishman
Stars: Marietta, William Mayer, Lester Brown
THE NUDE VAMPIRE
1969
0
A man happens upon a ghostly woman who may be a vampire.
Rollin’s second film is among his most bizarre, which is saying something. It doesn’t really work, though, and will likely test the patience of almost any viewer.
Dir: Jean Rollin
Stars: Oliver Martin, Maurice Lemaitre, Caroline Cartier
NUDES OF THE WORLD
1962
0
A group of beauty queens start a naturist camp.
One of the many censor-dodging nudist films of the time, this is no better or no worse than the majority of them, quite pleasantly shot in the open air, complete with the usual narrative absurdities and anodyne storytelling. No adults actually get fully nude - indeed, many of the men sport hideous g-strings. Some modern viewers might raise an eyebrow at the sight of the naked children.
Dir: Arnold L Miller
Narrator: Valerie Singleton. Stars: Vivienne Raimon, Antony Dell, Susan Clift, Janet Ash
NOW OR NEVER
1921
0
A young man prone to mishaps must accompany a small child on a train.
This Lloyd short doesn't feel short enough, and when he gets on top of the train near the end of it that's when it peaks - were it that there were more al fresco antics.
Dir: Fred C Newmeyer, Hal Roach
Stars: Harold Lloyd, Mildred Davis, Anna Mae Bilson
NOW, VOYAGER
1942
**
A woman escapes the clutches of her cruel, domineering mother.
This unusually titled romantic drama, with its unusual final line (what exactly does it mean?), is a curious beast, probably a triumph of panache and professionalism over script, acted for all it's worth by Hollywood heavyweights. The story is a melange of elements that range from just about convincing to unconvincing, giving it a mildly surreal edge, and it is all of the above that have helped cement its reputation. Aspects of it have inevitably dated, so that the whole adultery angle hardly registers now, nor perhaps the much talked-about at the time cigarette lighting scene.
Dir: Irving Rapper
Stars: Bette Davis, Paul Henreid, Claude Rains, Gladys Cooper
NOW YOU SEE ME
2013
*
Four magicians are hired to become a 'superteam' and commit huge crimes.
Perhaps one day the ultimate film about magic will be made (although The Prestige comes close) - this isn't it but it passes the time agreeably: ever-babbling, and shot by an ever-roving camera, it's bustling, slick and glossy, with some clever ideas and a strong cast. Unfortunately it's peopled by paper-thin characters and the only magic tricks that impress are those that seem to be real, as opposed to CGI; it also has an outrageous twist which makes most of what's gone before nonsensical.
Dir: Louis Leterrier
Stars: Mark Ruffalo, Jesse Eisenberg, Woody Harrelson, Isla Fisher, Melanie Laurent, Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman
NOW YOU SEE ME 2
2016
0
The Four Horsemen are asked to pull off a complex heist.
Inferior follow-up with many of the same problems as the first, notably that the tricks can't fully be appreciated since many of them appear to be accomplished by CGI. The ridiculous plot collapses under the weight of its own absurdity, but some set-pieces are fun, especially the crazy card-throwing one.
Dir: Jon M Chu
Stars: Mark Ruffalo, Jesse Eisenberg, Woody Harrelson, Dave Franco, Lizzy Caplan, Daniel Radcliffe, Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman
NOWHERE BOY
2009
*
A teenage John Lennon is frustrated by his relationship with his flighty mother but takes solace in music.
A reasonably worthy addition to the canon of Beatles biopic pictures, this meat-and-potatoes picture is good on period detail and adequately acted, but there’s the nagging feeling that if this wasn’t about John Lennon, would it be a noteworthy movie? A dash more humour, accuracy and ‘Beatles-ness’ would have been nice, but emotional targets are hit and it is dramatically competent.
Dir: Sam Taylor-Wood
Stars: Aaron Johnson, Kristin Scott Thomas, Anne-Marie Duff, Thomas Sangster, David Morrissey
NUDE FOR SATAN
1974
0
A man discovers the dark side of himself at a lonely castle he stops at.
Abominable sexy horror that confuses twaddle for profoundness, a fact that’s particularly evident in the excruciating dialogue and absurd slow-motion sequences. The nadir is reached in the scene with the most fake-looking giant spider ever.
Dir: Luigi Batzella
Stars: Rita Caldana, James Harris, Renato Lupi
NUDE ON THE MOON
1961
0
Scientists land on the moon and discover it is inhabited by naked females!
Hysterical nudie cutie which revels in boobs and brainlessness.
Dir: Raymond Phelan, Doris Wishman
Stars: Marietta, William Mayer, Lester Brown
THE NUDE VAMPIRE
1969
0
A man happens upon a ghostly woman who may be a vampire.
Rollin’s second film is among his most bizarre, which is saying something. It doesn’t really work, though, and will likely test the patience of almost any viewer.
Dir: Jean Rollin
Stars: Oliver Martin, Maurice Lemaitre, Caroline Cartier
NUDES OF THE WORLD
1962
0
A group of beauty queens start a naturist camp.
One of the many censor-dodging nudist films of the time, this is no better or no worse than the majority of them, quite pleasantly shot in the open air, complete with the usual narrative absurdities and anodyne storytelling. No adults actually get fully nude - indeed, many of the men sport hideous g-strings. Some modern viewers might raise an eyebrow at the sight of the naked children.
Dir: Arnold L Miller
Narrator: Valerie Singleton. Stars: Vivienne Raimon, Antony Dell, Susan Clift, Janet Ash
NUDIST MEMORIES
1961
0
A young woman persuades her friends to accompany her to Spielplatz naturist resort.
This early British nudist film is typically sweet and innocent, and has some suspense worthy of Hitchcock as the girls stop off en route to Spielplatz to get petrol and admire the historical buildings of St Albans, before finally disrobing - although the efforts to prevent you from seeing their pubic hair are truly heroic. It's funny to see Olive from On The Buses in the lead, here looking rather nicer than she did in that show. This short's message to take off your clothes is all well and good, but the British climate isn't exactly suited to doing that for more than a few days a year...
Dir: Arnold L Miller
Narrator: Jill Gascoine. Stars: Anna Karen, Mitzi Mayo, Laura Mason
NUDIST PARADISE
1959
0
A nudist camp attracts some intrigued new members.
The very first British nudie flick is obviously both propaganda for the naturists of Great Britain and an attempt to get punters in who wanted a rare look at naked female flesh - and it was more successful in the latter category. It's a stilted, disordered film, a mix of voiceover documentary and basic drama, and nowadays you'd struggle to get much excitement from it, sexual or otherwise. It's shot in 'Nudiscope'...
Dir: Charles Saunders
Stars: Anita Love, Katy Cashfield, Carl Conway, Dennis Carnell
THE NUDIST STORY
1960
*
A nudist camp is in danger of closure after the death of its patron.
One of the first British nudie flicks is a rather lovely little film, with an appealing look and plot and likeable characters; it really has the ideal storyline for such a flick and male audiences must have been titillated to frenzy by pert Shelly Martin's discovery that she enjoyed getting naked. The less said about the (strangely fully clothed) song and dance sequences in the middle the better. Even though a good quality print still exists in full, Amazon Video viewers were in for a nasty shock when a severely edited and cropped version appeared on its site - the mind boggles at who would do such a thing.
Dir: Ramsey Herrington
Stars: Shelly Martin, Brian Cobby, Natalie Lynn, Joy Hinton
NUMBER ONE OF THE SECRET SERVICE
1977
0
A top spy goes after the killer of international money men.
Cheapjack tat, a thousand times worse than the worst James Bond movie.
Dir: Lindsay Shonteff
Stars: Nicky Henson, Richard Todd, Geoffrey Keen, Jon Pertwee, Milton Reid
NUMBER, PLEASE?
1920
*
Two men compete for the love of one girl.
A lot of Lloyd's shorts, such as this one, retain most of their appeal after all these years - many of the visual gags are snappy even if the situations can be drawn out a little too long. There's plenty of footage of a long-gone Californian amusement park in this one.
Dir: Hal Roach, Fred Newmeyer
Stars: Harold Lloyd, Mildred Davis, Roy Brooks
NUMBER SEVENTEEN
1932
*
A detective tracks down robbers at an anonymous address.
Odd, gothic-tinged early Hitchcock mainly set in an old dark house in which characters constantly pop up, but it does open up towards the end thanks to a train chase.
Dir: Alfred Hitchcock
Stars: Leon M Lion, Anne Grey, John Stuart
NUMBER SIX
1962
0
Police aim to trap a foreign criminal.
Fairly average Edgar Wallace Mystery with the usual surfeit of chat.
Dir: Robert Tronson
Stars: Ivan Desny, Nadja Regin, Michael Goodliffe, Brian Bedford
THE NUMBER 23
2007
0
A man becomes obsessed with the number 23 while reading a book about its terrifying effects.
Preposterous thriller which dissolves the germ of a great idea in a murky and muddled scenario that neither lends itself to convincing conspiracy theory nor compelling mystery. It might have worked better as a comedy and would have definitely worked better if it was less heavily stylised.
Dir: Joel Schumacher
Stars: Jim Carrey, Virginia Madsen, Logan Lerman, Rhona Mitra
NUNS ON THE RUN
1990
0
Crooks hide from villains in a convent, dressed as nuns.
The title, the film's promotion and the plot suggested a broad farce, but there's barely a single laugh in this comedy (unless, bizarrely, you find nuns intrinsically funny), in part because the tone is bleak and not comforting, with it being shot with a filter that ensures dreariness; also, Idle is a dislikeable man. Only the shower sequence is memorable and canny. Remarkable that it came from the pen of Lynn, one of the co-writers of the superlative TV sitcom Yes, Minister.
Dir: Jonathan Lynn
Stars: Robbie Coltrane, Eric Idle, Camille Coduri, Janet Suzman, Doris Hare
THE NUN'S STORY
1959
**
A young Belgian woman becomes a nun and travels to the Congo to help the sick.
Quietly impressive depiction of life in cloisters, very well made and acted, likely to find admirers among both believers and non-believers.
Dir: Fred Zinnemann
Stars: Audrey Hepburn, Peter Finch, Edith Evans, Peggy Ashcroft, Dean Jagger
NURSE ON WHEELS
1963
0
A pretty young nurse goes to work in a small village.
Trying comic drama whose succession of trivial incidents adds up to very little despite a smattering of familiar faces; not even relief for an afternoon ill in bed, and nothing like a Carry On film.
Dir: Gerald Thomas
Stars: Juliet Mills, Ronald Lewis, Joan Sims, Norman Rossington, Jim Dale, Raymond Huntley, Joan Hickson
NUTCRACKER
1982
0
A Russian ballet dancer defects to England.
A cold fish of a film, an odd old-fashioned soap opera with cheap production and trashy dialogue.
Dir: Anwar Kawadri
Stars: Joan Collins, Carol White, Paul Nicholas, Leslie Ash
THE NUTTY PROFESSOR
1963
*
A nerdy professor imbibes a potion that makes him into a super-smooth lady seducer.
Comic variation of Dr Jekyll And Mr Hyde which struggles to provide laughs after a decent opening.
Dir: Jerry Lewis
Stars: Jerry Lewis, Stella Stevens, Del Moore
A NYMPHOID BARBARIAN IN DINOSAUR HELL
1991
0
In a world devastated by war, a young woman battles cavemen and monsters.
Proof that very bad films aren't always fun to watch; someone forgot to order a plot for starters.
Dir: Brett Piper
Stars: Paul Guzzi, Linda Corwin, Alex Pirnie
NYMPHOMANIAC
2013
**
A nymphomaniac recounts her colourful life to a man who has found her beaten on the street.
The director's most controversial project so far is of course full of interesting things, and can be discussed into the small hours, but it is flawed. Thankfully very different to most films ever made, it has many hugely impressive sequences, including very dark and very funny ones, but the story is rather too stretched out, with a few dead scenes (there's too much dialogue in the Skarsgard interludes). It was released in two volumes totalling four hours, although a longer cut is also said to exist, with even more uncompromising visions of sex.
Dir: Lars von Trier
Stars: Charlotte Gainsbourg, Stellan Skarsgard, Stacy Martin, Shia LaBeouf, Jamie Bell, Willem Dafoe, Christian Slater, Uma Thurman, Mia Goth
