HABEAS CORPUS
1928
*
Stan and Ollie are hired by a scientist to steal dead bodies from a cemetery.
Untypical star comedy that provides only a few macabre chuckles, with some slightly tiresome episodes, like the boys trying to get over a wall for five minutes or so (but it is funny when the wall eventually collapses). Probably not one to show to the younger generation to draw them into L&H's world.
Dir: Leo McCarey, James Parrott
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Richard Carle
HACHI: A DOG'S TALE
2008
**
After he finds a lost Akita puppy at his local railway station, the dog shows a professor astonishing loyalty.
If you have tears prepare to shed them: a sad story (but sad is happy for deep people...) that, yes, is sentimental, but never goes totally overboard, preferring to slowly build and build until anyone with a heart will be left in a state by the closing credits. It proves that, should there be any doubt, dogs are the most wonderful creatures on earth and that loyalty and love are the most powerful forces in the universe.
Dir: Lasse Hallstrom
Stars: Richard Gere, Joan Allen, Sarah Roemer, Jason Alexander
HACKERS
1996
*
Young computer hotshots try to stop an evil genius unleashing a deadly virus.
Confident hi-tech drama, superficial but pacy, with an agreeable devil-may-care attitude.
Dir: Iain Softley
Stars: Jonny Lee Miller, Angelina Jolie, Jesse Bradford, Matthew Lillard
HACKSAW RIDGE
2016
***
The story of Desmond Doss, who became the first conscientious objector to win the Medal of Honor for his actions in World War 2.
As ever from Gibson, a weirdly schizophrenic and slightly troubling movie, one which almost fetishises violence but paints itself as anti-war, one that pretends to appeal to reason but celebrates ignorance. It's also a film of two halves dramatically speaking, the first fairly conventional, the second featuring some of the most pulsating, brilliantly shot and edited battle scenes ever put on the screen; it's certainly a powerful and magnetic picture, splendidly acted by Garfield in particular, but one wishes this director wasn't as mentally skewed as he seems to be - basically, it's great stuff except for the religion. At least it shows that it's still possible to make a war film without any strong expletives.
Dir: Mel Gibson
Stars: Andrew Garfield, Hugo Weaving, Teresa Palmer, Vince Vaughn, Sam Worthington
HAIL, CAESAR!
2016
0
A slice of life from a big Fifties film studio.
It's difficult to see what the Coens were trying to do here, what points they were trying to make; while this isn't a serious film it isn't a funny one (in the slightest, despite what the misleading trailer indicates), and its succession of loosely connected episodes only sometimes hit the mark and usually drag on for too long - the only consolation is that it looks terrific. Most audiences are likely to feel cheated by this flat, pizzazz-less movie which only gives brief screen time for many of the names in its cast.
Dir: Joel Coen, Ethan Coen
Stars: Josh Brolin, George Clooney, Alden Ehrenreich, Ralph Fiennes, Scarlet Johansson, Tilda Swinton, Channing Tatum, Jonah Hill
LA HAINE
1995
**
A day in the life of three young thugs on a rough Parisian estate.
This raw French drama caused a stir at the time but now doesn’t appear as powerful or visceral as it did, having been superseded by other films, not to mention real-life happenings; the events it portrays vary in interest, from dinner with Mum to a fight with a group of skinheads, but are all vividly shot. A problem, if there is one, is the director’s hope that we sympathise with such unpleasant, narcissistic and criminal youths.
Dir: Mathieu Kassovitz
Stars: Vincent Cassel, Hubert Kounde, Said Taghmaoui
THE HAIRDRESSER’S HUSBAND
1991
*
A man who gets an erotic charge from having his hair cut constantly visits a certain female barber.
If this was British it'd probably be a bad sex comedy; as it is, it's a quirky curiosity, a string of humorous and sexy anecdotes.
Dir: Patrice Leconte
Stars: Jean Rochefort, Anna Galiena
HALF HUMAN
1957
0
A monster takes revenge on villagers for shooting its son.
This was a Japanese horror film which Americans took and inserted new scenes, including a narration, turning it into an all-time bad movie.
Dir: Kenneth G Crane, Ishiro Honda
Stars: John Carradine, Momoko Hochi
HALF MOON STREET
1986
0
A female doctor becomes a high class prostitute by night.
Sexy but slight romantic thriller which stays too much with the in-the-dark heroine rather than where the espionage action really is.
Dir: Bob Swaim
Stars: Sigourney Weaver, Michael Caine, Patrick Kavanagh
THE HALFWAY HOUSE
1944
*
A group of travellers stay at a remote Welsh pub which seems to be one year behind and where the owners cast no shadows.
A partial foreshadowing of Dead Of Night, Ealing’s message-infused drama is a comforting watch which drags a little at times.
Dir: Basil Dearden
Stars: Mervyn Johns, Glynis Johns, Sally Ann Howes, Richard Bird
HALLAM FOE
2007
***
A troubled teenager who has lost his mother spies on her lookalike living in Edinburgh.
That rare thing, a film which feels original and vital, thanks to canny location shooting (which gives it a strong sense of time and place), well-judged performances, a script that rarely goes for the easy option and a soundtrack of unfamiliar songs. It also manages to pull off several tricks including making you root for a strange lead character and successfully mixing psychological issues, a vague murder mystery and a coming-of-age tale into its heady brew.
Dir: David Mackenzie
Stars: Jamie Bell, Sophia Myles, Claire Forlani, Ciaran Hinds
HALLOWEEN
1978
**
A murderer escapes from an asylum the night before Halloween.
This film's reputation is now its curse, in that countless imitations and spoofs have severely blunted its dramatic impact so it's not quite the experience it once was; the sense of unease it creates, as aided by the music, can still be appreciated, and Curtis’ final battle with Myers remains thrilling, but the general pace and shock value seem a little demure when viewed in the 21st century.
Dir: John Carpenter
Stars: Donald Pleasence, Jamie Lee Curtis, Nancy Loomis, P J Soles
HALLOWEEN II
1981
0
In the hours after Halloween, Michael Myers is still on the rampage.
Much less interesting sequel that only picks up towards the end; Lee Curtis is barely used and it's arguable whether making the killer virtually indestructible was a wise idea.
Dir: Rick Rosenthal
Stars: Jamie Lee Curtis, Donald Pleasence, Dick Warlock
HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH
1983
*
A company makes Halloween masks that have a gruesome effect on wearers.
Thankfully not just another stalk and slash movie; instead a mildly entertaining, gory gimmick horror that gets in plenty of in-jokes (including several references to the original film, plus The Fog, Psycho and, possibly, Quatermass) and offers what is a pretty basic sci-fi plot that's also ridiculous in many ways (the robots, the villain's motive, the roaches and snakes etc); its reputation has fluctuated over the years. After this it was back to true boredom.
Dir: Tommy Lee Wallace
Stars: Tom Atkins, Stacey Nelkin, Dan O'Herlihy
HALLOWEEN 4
1989
0
Michael Myers returns to town to kill his seven-year-old niece...
...which he can't even do in this ridiculous and washed-up horror film.
Dir: Dwight H Little
Stars: Donald Pleasence, Danielle Harris, Ellie Cornell, George P Wilbur
HALLOWEEN 5
1990
0
Myers searches for his niece, now in a children's hospital.
Brain-bruisingly inept and repetitive garbage. Oh look, that bimbo is getting followed by that man again...
Dir: Dominique Othenin-Girard
Stars: Donald Pleasence, Danielle Harris, Ellie Cornell, Don Shanks
HALLOWEEN: THE CURSE OF MICHAEL MYERS
1995
0
The masked killer continues his slaughter of the residents of the Illinois town.
Tedious and interminable trash.
Dir: Joe Chappelle
Stars: Donald Pleasence, Paul Rudd, Marianne Hagan, George P Wilbur
HALLOWEEN H20: TWENTY YEARS LATER
1998
*
Laurie Strode, now a headmistress with a different name, is hunted down by her murderous brother once more.
The best one for several years, which really isn't saying that much: this entry ignores most of the sequels and gives the tale a light post-modern/Scream dusting, but the structure and setpieces are much the same as before. The killings aren't actually very gory and the loud 'jump' technique is predictably over-used. The final credit pays tribute to Donald Pleasence but unfortunately manages to spell his name wrong.
Dir: Steve Miner
Stars: Jamie Lee Curtis, Josh Hartnett, Adam Arkin, LL Cool J, Janet Leigh
HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION
2002
*
After disposing of a long-lasting problem, Michael Myers heads to his old house, where a group of teenagers are taking part in a scare-based reality show.
Part eight is marginally original, with a framework that couldn't have been used in the previous century, but the most effective part of it is probably the prologue where Michael and Laurie meet up again; the haunted house bits are fairly standard stuff, often irritatingly shot on blurry cameras in the darkness, the kills aren't outstanding and performers like Rhymes really do try the patience. As is often the case with MM, he's just not quite as great a villain as you feel he could be.
Dir: Rick Rosenthal
Stars: Jamie Lee Curtis, Brad Loree, Busta Rhymes, Bianca Kajlicj, Katee Sackhoff
HALLOWEEN
2007
0
Cripplingly boring remake with a callous streak; it’s a brutal trial all the way from the lengthy preamble featuring Michael as a child to the tediously predictable, drawn out conclusion.
Dir: Rob Zombie
Stars: Malcolm McDowell, Tyler Mane, Brad Dourif, Sheri Moon Zombie, Udo Kier
HALLOWEEN II
2009
0
Laurie Strode is haunted by the thought of Michael Myers returning.
Not only the worst Halloween of them all, but one of the worst horror films of all time, a testament to a director whose ego is as large as his talent is tiny (and who must presumably be a pretty ghastly person). To catalogue its faults would take all night, but to mention a few in bullet-point form: it's obnoxious, vile, ridiculously overlong, full of laughable 'deep' touches (the white horse etc), tedious, dreary and inane. It should barely even be thought of as a Halloween movie, and stains the earth by its very presence.
Dir: Rob Zombie
Stars: Scout Taylor-Compton, Malcolm McDowell, Tyler Mane
HALLOWEEN
2018
0
Forty years after the original killings, Michael Myers returns.
The meeting of the creators of this must have gone something like this: 'Okay, we'll do a sequel which isn't as postmodern as H20 and Resurrection that nods to the original but isn't as trashily horrible as the Rob Zombie films, and we'll present it as something fresh despite it not being in any way innovative or exciting, and we'll make a mint.' If that occurred, they were mostly right - it just doesn't have a personality of its own.
Dir: David Gordon Green
Stars: Jamie Lee Curtis, Judy Greer, Andi Matichak
HAMBURGER… THE MOTION PICTURE
1986
0
A hapless boy enrols at the crazy Busterburger University.
Pitiful farce, a miserable combination of stereotypical characters and feeble jokes.
Dir: Mike Marvin
Stars: Leigh McCloskey, Dick Butkus, Randi Brooks
HAMILTON
2020
**
The life of Founding Father Alexander Hamilton.
Is this actually a film? It seems to be classed as one, even though it's just a filmed rendition of the somewhat vulgar but popular stage musical whose colour blind casting says much more about these times than the time it is set in. Coming to it for the first time, and as a non-American, it's difficult to fully get into, but for those who have seen it a hundred times and/or are familiar with the story, it's probably a right royal treat. But it is a little strange and exhausting.
Dir: Thomas Kail
Stars: Lin-Manuel Miranda, Phillipa Soo, Leslie Odom Jr
THE HAMILTONS
2006
0
A strange family of siblings keep secrets and chained up girls in their cellar.
Unappealing low budget horror that thinks it’s considerably more worthy than it is. A grey, talky and nasty effort.
Dir: Mitchell Altieri, Phil Flores
Stars: Cory Knauf, Samuel Child, Joseph McKelheer
HAMLET
1948
***
A Danish prince is slow to make up his mind as to his course of action after his father dies.
A lauded version and certainly one of the very best, it retains a haunting power and is a valuable record of Olivier's portrayal.
Dir: Laurence Olivier
Stars: Laurence Olivier, Jean Simmons, Norman Wooland, Felix Aylmer, Anthony Quayle, Patrick Troughton, Peter Cushing, Stanley Holloway
HAMLET
1963
**
Visually striking, somewhat heavy-going Russian version; on the English version the subtitles can be difficult to read.
Dir: Grigori Kozintsev, Iosif Shapiro
Stars: Innokenti Smoktunovsky, Mikhail Nazvanov, Elze Radzinva
HAMLET
1969
**
Enjoyable treatment which rattles through the plot at a fair pace. Shot on dark theatre sets with extensive full face photography.
Dir: Tony Richardson
Stars: Nicol Williamson, Judy Parfitt, Anthony Hopkins, Marianne Faithfull, Michael Pennington, Gordon Jackson
HAMLET
1976
0
Extremely obscure micro budget arthouse version with twins playing the prince, male and female nudity and a bona fide star actress (as Gertrude and Ophelia) - a curious mix then. Impossible to understand for those unfamiliar with the play, and quite difficult for those of us who are, it's not without a distinct sense of style and decent line readings, but one can't help feel grateful that it's just one hour long, not four.
Dir: Celestino Coronado
Stars: Tony Meyer, David Meyer, Helen Mirren, Quentin Crisp
HAMLET
1990
**
Vigorous and accessible version with a surprisingly adept lead; this is probably the one English teachers should show to their pupils.
Dir: Franco Zeffirelli
Stars: Mel Gibson, Glenn Close, Alan Bates, Paul Scofield, Ian Holm, Helena Bonham Carter, Nathaniel Parker
HAMLET
1996
*
A version with the full text intact, which isn't necessarily the best idea for cinema; in a way, Branagh could be accused of laziness (which, on the other hand, might be tad unfair, as he obviously put an enormous amount of work into this project). On the plus side, the cast is remarkable and the Blenheim Palace locations lend real majesty.
Dir: Kenneth Branagh
Stars: Kenneth Branagh, Kate Winslet, Richard Briers, Julie Christie, John Gielgud, Derek Jacobi, John Mills
HAMLET
2000
*
A modern-day version of Shakespeare set in the world of big business.
Ingenious but cold, distant treatment that at least proves that the Bard can be presented in pretty much any scenario.
Dir: Michael Almereyda
Stars: Ethan Hawke, Kyle MacLachlan, Sam Shepard, Bill Murray, Julia Stiles
HAMLET
1990
**
Vigorous and accessible version with a surprisingly adept lead; this is probably the one English teachers should show to their pupils.
Dir: Franco Zeffirelli
Stars: Mel Gibson, Glenn Close, Alan Bates, Paul Scofield, Ian Holm, Helena Bonham Carter, Nathaniel Parker
HAMLET
1996
*
A version with the full text intact, which isn't necessarily the best idea for cinema; in a way, Branagh could be accused of laziness (which, on the other hand, might be tad unfair, as he obviously put an enormous amount of work into this project). On the plus side, the cast is remarkable and the Blenheim Palace locations lend real majesty.
Dir: Kenneth Branagh
Stars: Kenneth Branagh, Kate Winslet, Richard Briers, Julie Christie, John Gielgud, Derek Jacobi, John Mills
HAMLET
2000
*
A modern-day version of Shakespeare set in the world of big business.
Ingenious but cold, distant treatment that at least proves that the Bard can be presented in pretty much any scenario.
Dir: Michael Almereyda
Stars: Ethan Hawke, Kyle MacLachlan, Sam Shepard, Bill Murray, Julia Stiles
HAMMERHEAD
1968
0
An American agent tracks a master villain to Portugal where he's up to no good.
A pretty lousy film, half a James Bond wannabe, half a modish reflection of the pop culture of the time, but with a mostly rubbishy plot (the diplomat swap stuff is okay) and a weak lead. Nice scenery but that's about it.
Dir: David Miller
Stars: Vince Edwards, Judy Geeson, Peter Vaughan, Diana DorsTHE HAND
1960
0
A murder investigation is launched when a tramp is found in a river, with one hand missing.
Extremely confusing B-feature which turns into a talkative police drama after a promising, gory beginning in Burma.
Dir: Henry Cass
Stars: Derek Bond, Ronald Leigh-Hunt, Ray Cooney
THE HAND
1981
*
A comic book artist loses his hand in an accident. It returns to help murder those who anger him.
The concept is nothing new but this is a tolerable horror with a few interesting ideas.
Dir: Oliver Stone
Stars: Michael Caine, Andrea Marcovicci, Annie McEnroe
THE HAND OF NIGHT
1966
0
A man stays at a castle in the desert but the following day it has disappeared and no one will believe that it existed.
Primary colours and odd images don't make up for a second-rate script.
Dir: Frederic Goode
Stars: William Sylvester, Diane Clare, William Dexter
THE HAND OF PLEASURE
1971
0
Dr Dreadful turns women into brainwashed sex slaves.
This eventually showed up on the Something Weird label - aptly, as it is, indeed, something weird, a zero-dollar clinker that's part travelogue footage of London, part [unconvincing] softcore action, shot on the dingiest of sets (in California). Beyond belief, among other things, and a labour even at 65 minutes.
Dir: Zoltan G Spencer
Stars: Maria Arnold, Roxanne Brewer, Ron Darby
THE HAND THAT ROCKS THE CRADLE
1992
*
The perfect nanny may not be all she seems.
Formulaic thriller with developments telegraphed well in advance, it reaches a predictably histrionic and violent climax after doses of sentiment and unintentional hilarity.
Dir: Curtis Hanson
Stars: Rebecca De Mornay, Annabella Sciorra, Ernie Hudson, Julianne Moore
THE HANDMAIDEN
2016
**
A handmaiden hired to look after an heiress is part of a plot to defraud her.
Layered, thematically complex mystery drama with dashes of Rashomon and lesbian sex; rewarding for those who can stick with it.
Dir: Park Chan-wook
Stars: Kim Min-hee, Kim Tae-ri, Ha Jung-woo, Jo Jin-woong
THE HANDMAID’S TALE
1989
*
In an oppressive future state, a young woman is put into sexual slavery.
Dour fantasy more interested in feminism than sci-fi.
Dir: Volker Schlondorff
Stars: Natasha Richardson, Faye Dunaway, Aidan Quinn, Elizabeth McGovern, Victoria Tennant, Robert Duvall
HANDS OF A MURDERER
1990 (TV)
0
Sherlock Holmes becomes concerned when Moriarty escapes hanging at the gallows.
Uninspired Holmesian adventure that is confined and lumpy until its lively final chase; the script isn’t especially clever – there’s a lot of reliance on guns - and a bulky Woodward illustrates why gaunt actors are generally cast as Holmes. This sort of stuff looks so much worse after viewing the BBC’s excellent modern-day Sherlock series.
Dir: Stuart Orme
Stars: Edward Woodward, John Hillerman, Anthony Andrews, Peter Jeffrey, Warren Clarke
THE HANDS OF ORLAC
1960
0
A pianist who has been badly burned in a plane crash believes he has the hands of a murderer grafted onto him.
Woeful, bottom-of-the-barrel horror devoid of sense, atmosphere and drive.
Dir: Edmond T Greville
Stars: Mel Ferrer, Christopher Lee, Dany Carrel, Lucile Saint-Simon, Felix Aylmer, Basil Sydney, Donald Pleasence, Donald Wolfit
HANDS ON A HARDBODY: THE DOCUMENTARY
1997
**
Documentary about a competition in America that sees people try to win a truck by placing a hand on it for longer than any other entrant.
The subject matter is absolutely ideal for a documentary, and this does indeed provide the viewer with pleasure and pain, as the group of disparate, eccentric characters are profiled in their desperate quest (subtitles might have been welcome in some cases). But one can't help wish it was a more professional, more cinematic effort, with more cameras, better sound and in-screen graphics - occasionally it's frustratingly unclear what has happened - to really sharpen the narrative. It could still make a superb fictionalised movie (even though the competition was discontinued after a typically American-style tragedy in 2005).
Dir: SR Bindler
HANG ’EM HIGH
1967
*
After he is almost killed by a group of vigilantes, a lawman swears to track them down.
Eastwood’s first American western is faltering but may provide some pleasures for fans of the genre.
Dir: Ted Post
Stars: Clint Eastwood, Inger Stevens, Ed Begley, Pat Hingle
HANGAR 18
1980
0
The United States government attempt to hide a UFO in a hanger in the desert.
Mildly sensationalist filming of a fascinating real-life happening which unfortunately looks a bit like a TV movie.
Dir: James L Conway
Stars: Darren McGavin, Robert Vaughn, Gary Collins
THE HANGOVER
2009
*
Three friends wake up in Las Vegas with virtually no memory of the horrors of the previous night.
Not wonderful comedy that will provide what's expected of it by different audiences coming to it with different wants: it has raucousness and a sense of absurdity but it rarely elevates its concept to anything profound.
Dir: Todd Phillips
Stars: Bradley Cooper, Zach Galifianakis, Justin Bartha, Heather Graham
HANNAH AND HER SISTERS
1986
****
The varied love lives of a woman, her two sisters, her husband and her ex-husband.
What a joy this movie is, one of Allen's greatest, an immaculately ordered ensemble drama that not only has hilarious funny bits and affecting drama bits but feels warm and humanistic - the settings are as much a part of it as the cast (and the cast is exceptional). A juggling of elements that shows Allen off as a consummate, brilliantly intelligent filmmaker.
Dir: Woody Allen
Stars: Woody Allen, Mia Farrow, Barbara Hershey, Dianne Wiest, Michael Caine, Max von Sydow, Maureen O'Sullivan, Carrie Fisher, Julie Kavner, Tony Roberts
HANNIBAL
2001
*
A victim of Hannibal Lecter's seeks revenge, but the cannibal has gone into hiding.
Belated follow-up to Silence Of The Lambs, somewhat less gritty and more glossy in style, it could move faster but does provide some tasty set-pieces.
Dir: Ridley Scott
Stars: Anthony Hopkins, Julianne Moore, Gary Oldman, Ray Liotta
THE HAPPIEST DAYS OF YOUR LIFE
1950
***
The routine of an English boys' school is broken by a girls' school being billeted there.
Delightful farce with an especially ingenious last act in which the boys and girls have to keep swapping places to fool unsuspecting visitors. Two greats, Sim and Rutherford, lead a splendid cast in what's a shining example of British humour near its best.
Dir: Frank Launder
Stars: Alastair Sim, Margaret Rutherford, Joyce Grenfell, Richard Wattis, Laurence Naismith
HAPPINESS
1998
****
The unhappy sex lives of various members of a family and people they know.
Coruscating ensemble piece that showcases a brave and talented filmmaker who pushes things that little bit further. With the realistic message that happiness is a state that cannot be achieved, it portrays eye-watering lives of desperation with extreme honesty and a dollop of jet-black humour.
Dir: Todd Solondz
Stars: Jane Adams, Dylan Baker, Cynthia Stevenson, Lara Flynn Boyle, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Louise Lasser, Ben Gazzara, Jared Harris, Jon Lovitz
HAPPY DEATH DAY
2017
*
A female student has to re-live the day of her death until she discovers who her killer is.
Groundhog Day meets Halloween in this novelty shocker for teens, one that doesn't quite fulfil the promise of its premise. There's of course some fun to be had as the heroine goes about her repetitive existence (learning life lessons), and some quirky twists, but much of the horror is half-hearted and the emotional beats don't land.
Dir: Christopher Landon
Stars: Jessica Rothe, Israel Broussard, Ruby Modine
HAPPY-GO-LUCKY
2008
*
A north London primary school teacher, Poppy, improves the lives of most people she encounters.
Airy comic drama mostly content to just babble and float, although the driving instructor scenes have some bite and the lead performance is exceptionally bright - the character is actually considerably less annoying than many in Leigh’s work.
Dir: Mike Leigh
Stars: Sally Hawkins, Eddie Marsan, Sinead Matthews, Kate O’Flynn
HAPPY LAND
1943
**
Grandpa's ghost comes back to comfort a family who have lost their son.
Weepie made by experts at this sort of thing.
Dir: Irving Pichel
Stars: Don Ameche, Frances Dee, Harry Carey
HARD CANDY
2005
0
A suspected paedophile brings a teenage girl back to her house - but things are not quite what they seem.
The most painful experience you could have outside a hospital, this hateful two-hander is only made worse by its slick handling.
Dir: David Slade
Stars: Patrick Wilson, Ellen Page
A HARD DAY’S NIGHT
1964
****
John, Paul, George and Ringo head around the country performing songs while being bothered by screaming fans and Paul's grandfather.
A unique, dynamic and sublime film that is important for all sorts of reasons, not least brilliantly capturing a snapshot of an effervescent musical and social explosion that we will never see the like of again. Cinematically its influence was immense thanks to its fast-cutting, no-holds-barred style that perfectly reflected the music and personality of the Beatles, who here embody, for eternity, youth, positivity and creativity. Viewed one more time, what strikes you further is the idiosyncratic wit, its marvellous freewheeling nature, its pace and its unerring capture of the real British life that went on around the Fab Four - there's so much in it, it's such a sophisticated and wise film. And seeing the visible ecstasy of the screaming fans brings tears to the eyes, for all sorts of deep reasons.
Dir: Richard Lester
Stars: The Beatles, Wilfrid Brambell, Norman Rossington, John Junkin, Victor Spinetti
HARDBODIES
1984
0
Three middle-aged men attempt to get in with attractive young women.
Eventless sex comedy only of interest to students of such things, if they can see through the blurry picture. Don't believe the hype.
Dir: Mark Griffiths
Stars: Grant Cramer, Teal Roberts, Courtney Gains
HARDCORE
1977
0
The amorous exploits of a young woman of pleasure.
Expensive looking 'biography' of one of the best known adult performers of her day, who looked rather better than she acted, this is a bright but utterly vacuous picture, and sure isn't anything approaching 'hardcore'.
Dir: James Kenelm Clarke
Stars: Fiona Richmond, Anthony Steel, Victor Spinetti, Graham Stark
HARDCORE
1978
**
A father searches for his daughter who has become involved in the world of pornography.
Extremely well made exposé of a sordid way of life; it pulls few punches.
Dir: Paul Schrader
Stars: George C Scott, Peter Boyle, Season Hubley, Dick Sargent
HARDCORE HENRY
2015
0
A man is brought back to life and reinvented as an unstoppable warrior.
Like a videogame first-person shooter, this is a relentless, brutal thriller with impressive stunt work and plenty of bombastic style but no heart. And although it has a bit of humour, albeit mostly dark and cynical humour, it gets wearying long before the end; there's a reason hardly any other films are POV ones.
Dir: Ilya Naishuller
Stars: Sharlto Copley, Andrei Dementiev, Haley Bennett, Tim Roth
HARDCOVER
1989
0
The killer in a book appears to be on the rampage in real life.
Fair-to-middling horror with similarities to many others.
Dir: Tibor Takacs
Stars: Jenny Wright, Clayton Rohner
THE HAUNTED HOUSE OF HORROR
1969
0
Teenagers at an old mansion are picked off by a killer who may be one of them.
Crass shocker, dated as soon as it came out.
Dir: Michael Armstrong
Stars: Frankie Avalon, Jill Haworth, Dennis Price, George Sewell
HAUNTED SPOOKS
1920
*
A young man is caught up in a haunted house scam.
The first part of this short, in which Lloyd keeps failing to commit suicide, is better than the second, which is largely knockabout 'sheets on heads' antics. Some sequences will be familiar to viewers of the Harold Lloyd TV compilation series which ran in Britain in the Eighties, catchy theme tune and all.
Dir: Alf Goulding, Hal Roach
Stars: Harold Lloyd, Mildred Davis, Wallace Howe
HAUNTERS OF THE DEEP
1984
0
A ghost helps a boy rescue some trapped tin miners.
Pleasant little junior adventure with attractive Cornish scenery. There's possibly some lesson in there about the environment and changing working habits, but it's not especially clear, and the drama will be too anodyne except for the very young.
Dir: Andrew Bogle
Stars: Andrew Keir, Barbara Ewing, Bob Sherman
THE HAUNTING PASSION
1984 (TV)
0
A woman's frightening dreams of demons come true.
Directed with very little passion indeed, this ghost story plods throughout, sometimes trying to be dirty but mostly just reminding you of The Uninvited or The Entity.
Dir: John Korty
Stars: Jane Seymour, Gerald McRaney, Millie Perkins
HAUNTS OF THE VERY RICH
1972 (TV)
**
A group of people who have narrowly escaped death fly to a strange island resort.
Incessantly compelling Outward Bound-type mystery, one of the very best TV movies of the '70s.
Dir: Paul Wendkos
Stars: Lloyd Bridges, Cloris Leachman, Edward Asner, Anne Francis
THE HAWK
1993
*
A housewife suspects her husband of being a serial killer.
Dank thriller, quite nicely mounted but all too often revealing its TV origins.
Dir: David Hayman
Stars: Helen Mirren, David Harewood, Rosemary Leach
HAWK OF THE WILDERNESS
1938 (serial)
0
A jungle boy seeks to help natives escape from an about-to-erupt volcano.
Potboiling serial with a barely visible plot, not that the kids watching it would have minded, and it does conjure up some nice suspense at times, particularly in the final episode.
Dir: John English, William Witney
Stars: Bruce Bennett, Mala, Monte Blue
HAWK THE SLAYER
1980
0
A warrior sets out to avenge the death of his father and bride.
Dour fantasy with a decent cast.
Dir: Terry Marcel
Stars: Jack Palance, John Terry, Bernard Bresslaw, Roy Kinnear, Patrick Magee, Annette Crosbie
HAXAN: WITCHCRAFT THROUGH THE AGES
1922
**
The story of the persecution of 'witches' through history, in seven chapters.
A distinct artefact that has survived through the years - some of the segments are much less interesting than others (the first is a little dry while the last one, set in the modern day, is intriguing) but its sceptical tone, highlighting the crimes committed in the name of religion, stands it in good stead. In 1967 a shorter version with a jazz score, narrated by William Boroughs, entitled Witchcraft Through The Ages, was released and gained the film more fans.
Dir: Benjamin Christensen
Stars: Benjamin Christensen, Elisabeth Christensen, Maren Pedersen
HE KNOWS YOU’RE ALONE
1980
0
A young bride-to-be is stalked by a psycho.
Routine stalk-and-slasher, not particularly thrilling.
Dir: Armand Mastroianni
Stars: Don Scardino, Caitlin O'Heaney, Elizabeth Kemp, Tom Hanks
HEAD
1968
*
The Monkees have a crazy psychedelic journey.
The manufactured American pop group go psychedelic and bamboozle most of their audience; it remains of minor interest because it sheds light on the kind of chemicals the entertainment industry was taking back then.
Dir: Bob Rafelson
Stars: The Monkees, Victor Mature, Frank Zappa, Timothy Carey
THE HEADLESS EYES
1971
0
An artist who has had an eye gouged out attacks women to gouge their eyes out.
Grindhouse horror flick of almost exquisite trashiness, not likely to make it to Blu-ray anytime soon.
Dir: Kent Bateman
Stars: Bo Brundin, Ramon Gordon, Kelley Swartz
THE HEADLESS GHOST
1959
0
Tourists help out a ghost at a haunted castle.
Dismissable comedy that's just over an hour long but is full of padding, including a scene with an exotic dancer and another in which a woman harangues her husband for not wanting to move out of the countryside - she then disappears. Which, presumably, the audience must also have done for this poorly scripted and acted film that's as flat as a glass of day-old Tizer.
Dir: Peter Graham Scott
Stars: Richard Lyon, Liliane Sottane, David Rose, Clive Revill
THE HEARSE
1980
0
A woman is haunted by a strange black hearse.
Absolutely standard chiller that could have been a TV movie.
Dir: George Bowers
Stars: Trish Van Devere, Joseph Cotten, David Gautreaux
HEART CONDITION
1990
0
A white cop is given the heart of a black cop who he hated.
Tasteless curiosity which belies its label as a comedy.
Dir: James D Parriott
Stars: Bob Hoskins, Denzel Washington, Chloe Webb
HEART OF MIDNIGHT
1988
0
A girl moves into the nightclub previously owned by her strange uncle.
Boring, tasteless and risible fantasy, merely a succession of nasty little incidents.
Dir: Matthew Chapman
Stars: Jennifer Jason Leigh, Peter Coyote, Frank Stallone
THE HEART OF THE GAME
2005
*
Documentary about a girls' basketball team and one troubled player in particular.
While not particularly affable, this is a decent small-scale effort which touches on broader matters that it rarely explores.
Dir: Ward Serrill
Narrator: Ludacris
HEARTS AND ARMOUR
1983
0
A girl becomes a knight and is told she will marry a prince.
Shaky fantasy in the Excalibur mode which appears to have been badly edited down from something much longer.
Dir: Giacomo Battiato
Stars: Tanya Roberts, Ronn Moss, Zeudi Araya
HEARTS OF DARKNESS: A FILMMAKER'S APOCALYPSE
1991
**
Documentary chronicling the fraught making of Francis Ford Coppola's Apocalypse Now.
This chronicle of on-set disasters could hardly fail to make engrossing viewing, and it makes some interesting points about creating art along the way.
Dir: Fax Bahr, George Hickenlooper
Stars: Francis Ford Coppola, Marlon Brando, Robert De Niro, Harrison Ford, George Lucas, Robert Duvall, Laurence Fishburne, Martin Sheen
HEAT
1995
*
A cop with marital problems goes after murderous robbers.
Essentially a soap opera with actionful asides, most of which are impressively done, with the exception of the rather flat airport climax; heavily billed as the meeting of two movie heavyweights, it’s too long, too unbelievable and peopled with too many characters to become a well-loved classic.
Dir: Michael Mann
Stars: Al Pacino, Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, Jon Voight, Tom Sizemore, Ashley Judd, Natalie Portman
HEATHERS
1989
*
A college girl is encouraged to murder those she despises by a wild young man.
Odd, quirky black comedy with more to it than meets the eye, now a little dimmed by the years.
Dir: Michael Lehmann
Stars: Winona Ryder, Christian Slater, Shannen Doherty
HEAVENS ABOVE!
1963
*
A liberal-minded minister is accidentally posted to a posh parish.
Idea-heavy comic drama that perhaps takes too many satirical pot shots for its own good - and it's certainly quite lengthy. On the plus side the cast is wonderful and it's a snapshot of its time, both political and religious, from wise observers the Boultings.
Dir: John Boulting, Roy Boulting
Stars: Peter Sellers, Cecil Parker, Ian Carmichael, Bernard Miles, Eric Sykes, Irene Handl, William Hartnell, Roy Kinnear, Joan Hickson, Isabel Jeans
HEAVY METAL
1981
*
Fantastical stories connected by a mysterious, threatening orb: Harry Canyon, Den, Captain Sternn, B-17, So Beautiful And So Dangerous and Taarna.
Roughly made but quite likeable animation, based on a magazine, whose main attraction to its intended audience will be the naked, large-breasted women who light up several of the tales. Some of the other imagery is eye-catching too, but the script could have done with more work.
Dir: Gerald Potterton
Voices: Richard Romanus, John Candy, Joe Flaherty, Eugene Levy
THE HEIRESS
1949
**
The plain daughter of a wealthy man is sought by a handsome young man, but his attentions may not be honourable.
Extremely well made drama that examines the complexity of human emotions; de Havilland's performance, which sees her character change from one thing to another, encompasses all that is good about it.
Dir: William Wyler
Stars: Olivia de Havilland, Montgomery Clift, Ralph Richardson, Miriam Hopkins
HELLGATE
1989
0
Students holiday in a town where a vengeful female monster resides.
Incoherent horror, the sort with a mischievously attractive video sleeve. It's gained a small cult following over the years, and viewed now you can appreciate how its bonkers random elements - bats on strings, exploding mutant goldfish, a talking head in a fridge and so on - have some appeal to bad movie fans. It's good-natured, unpretentious rubbish, and you'd never guess it was shot in South Africa, as is revealed on the 2014 DVD release.
Dir: William A Levey
Stars: Ron Palillo, Abigail Wolcott, Carel Trichardt
HELLO, DOLLY!
1969
0
A matchmaker in Yonkers wants a man for herself.
One of those films that you might have the misfortune in catching during a deep depression, perhaps on a Sunday afternoon, that seemingly goes on forever, force-feeding you with inanely false, mind-numbingly vacant scenes punctuated by songs that say 'show tunes' and nothing else. And yet this torture was a big hit and got Oscar nominations.
Dir: Gene Kelly
Stars: Barbra Streisand, Walter Matthau, Michael Crawford, Marianne McAndrew
HELLO DOWN THERE
1969
0
A family choose to live in an underwater house.
Embarrassing comedy with embarrassing performances; of little appeal to anyone.
Dir: Jack Arnold, Ricou Browning
Stars: Tony Randall, Janet Leigh, Roddy McDowall, Richard Dreyfuss
HELLO MARY LOU: PROM NIGHT 2
1987
*
A murdered 1950s prom queen comes back for revenge.
Surprisingly lively and polished sequel with a few fresh ideas of its own.
Dir: Bruce Pittman
Stars: Michael Ironside, Wendy Lyon, Justin Louis
HELLRAISER
1987
*
An unfaithful wife is plagued by the zombie of her dead lover.
Spirited horror with many imaginative, horrible ideas, a little hemmed in by its budget and settings. Its fright factor has gone down a few notches in the last 20 years, partly due to an almost never-ending succession of loosely connected follow-ups.
Dir: Clive Barker
Stars: Andrew Robinson, Claire Higgins, Ashley Laurence, Sean Chapman, Doug Bradley
HELLRAISER 2: HELLBOUND
1988
0
The head of a psychiatric prison unwittingly unleashes a mass of demons.
A very poor sequel which offers a series of gory images without a clear storyline to hang them on to. Its use of American characters (including police) in what looks like a British setting only irritates more.
Dir: Tony Randel
Stars: Claire Higgins, Ashley Laurence, Kenneth Cranham, Imogen Boorman, Sean Chapman, Doug Bradley
HELLRAISER 3: HELL ON EARTH
1992
0
A reporter battles Pinhead and his hellish friends.
Now fully Americanised, the third in the series has a cheesy script but a certain gumption presentation-wise.
Dir: Anthony Hickox
Stars: Kevin Bernhardt, Terry Farrell, Ken Carpenter, Doug Bradley
HELL’S ANGELS
1930
**
Two brothers fly with the RAF in World War 1.
Howard Hughes' labour of love was extremely popular and mildly shocking in its day - now, with the exception of a striking sequence in which zeppelins bomb London, it is stilted and turgid.
Dir: Howard Hughes
Stars: Jean Harlow, Ben Lyon, James Hall
HELLZAPOPPIN
1942
***
The making of a movie is fraught with craziness.
Zany comedy with many ideas ahead of its time, its whirlwind paces barely lets up.
Dir: H C Potter
Stars: Ole Olsen, Chic Johnson, Martha Raye, Hugh Herbert
THE HELP
2012
**
In segregated 1960s Mississippi, a young white woman decides to write a book showing life from the viewpoint of black maids.
Manipulative and sensationalist it may be (but, hey, this is Hollywood), this is nevertheless a compelling film that's a sort of wish-fulfillment fantasy that doesn't stint on distorting the truth for its own ends. There are lots of good scenes in a highly professional production.
Dir: Tate Taylor
Stars: Emma Stone, Viola Davis, Bryce Dallas Howard, Octavia Spencer, Jessica Chastain
HELPMATES
1931
****
Ollie calls Stan over to help him clean his house after it has been half-wrecked by a party. Stan completes the wrecking.
One of the comedians' most inspired and gag-packed shorts sees both sublime dialogue and brilliantly engineered calamities, most of which follow logically on from each other as opposed to being separate disasters.
Dir: James Parrott
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy
HELTER SKELTER
1976 (TV)
***
The story of the brutal murder of Sharon Tate and her friends in Los Angeles in 1969 by members of the Manson family.
One of the best American TV movies ever made (it can hold a candle to Duel), this is a very straight, no-frills examination of the case from the night in question to the end of the trial; it realises the real-life tale is so horrible and gripping it wisely avoids adding any distractions like over-heavy stylisation, dramatic ticks or excessive personal stories, and also benefits from hugely impressive acting from those playing Manson and his disciples.
Dir: Tom Gries
Stars: George DiCenzo, Steve Railsback, Nancy Wolfe, Marilyn Burns
A HEN IN THE WIND
1948
**
A wife is forced to prostitute herself for one night to pay her ill child’s medical bills.
One of Ozu’s lesser known but more interesting films, with a little more physical movement and outside shooting than some, it tells a piquant story of a time and place.
Dir: Yasujiro Ozu
Stars: Kinuyo Tanaka, Shuji Sano, Chieko Murata
HENNESSY
1975
0
An Irishman plots to blow up the Queen.
A minor league Day Of The Jackal that uses footage of the State Opening of Parliament at its climax, spliced in quite convincingly: other than that it's a bit silly and shorter on suspense than it should be - the director is not adept at handling this sort of material.
Dir: Don Sharp
Stars; Rod Steiger, Lee Remick, Richard Johnson, Trevor Howard
HENRY & JUNE
1990
0
In 1931 Paris, Anais Nin meets Henry Miller and his wife June.
Not a bad sitcom as the title might suggest, but a slow and dull exploration of adult sexuality, one that led to the creation of the American rating, NC-17.
Dir: Philip Kaufman
Stars: Fred Ward, Uma Thurman, Richard E Grant, Maria de Medeiros, Kevin Spacey
HENRY 9 'TIL 5
1970
*
An office worker passes his day by fantasising about sex.
Bob Godfrey's first 'sextoon' is among his better ones, with the greyness of 9 to 5 contrasting with effervescent fantasies.
Dir: Bob Godfrey
HENRY: PORTRAIT OF A SERIAL KILLER
1987
*
A man who exterminates insects also exterminates humans in his spare time.
Grim account of a murderer and his methods; suitably unedifying to watch.
Dir: John McNaughton
Stars: Michael Rooker
HENRY V
1944
***
Henry V defeats the French at Agincourt.
Innovative, richly coloured interpretation of Shakespeare which set a very high standard for filmed versions of the Bard.
Dir: Laurence Olivier
Stars: Laurence Olivier, Robert Newton, Leslie Banks, Esmond Knight, Ernest Thesiger
HENRY V
1988
**
A darker and more bloody version than Olivier's, confidently handled by a young talent; the battle scenes are Henry's speech prior to it are particularly inspiring.
Dir: Kenneth Branagh
Stars: Kenneth Branagh, Derek Jacobi, Simon Shepherd, Brian Blessed, Ian Holm
HER
2013
**
In the near future, a lonely man falls in love with his computer's Operating System.
A timely film if ever there was one, this comic drama has some lovely ideas that reflect how we live now and are likely to in days to come, Phoenix and Johansson excel in their unusual roles and it has a keenly distinct look. But it's essentially a two-hour movie in which a man, largely in close-up, talks to himself - or rather, with his sexy voiced OS - and that's quite a long time for such a thing, no matter how good the writing; it's also a tad difficult to relate to directly.
Dir: Spike Jonze
Stars: Joaquin Phoenix, Scarlet Johansson, Amy Adams, Rooney Mara
HER PRIVATE HELL
1968
0
Skullduggery at a modelling agency.
Low budget tack which may have given the dirty mac brigade a cheap thrill. Now: nothing for anyone.
Dir: Norman J Warren
Stars: Lucia Modungo, Terence Skelton
HERBIE GOES BANANAS
1980
0
The VW with a mind of its own helps break up a counterfeiting ring.
Scrappy addition to a boring saga.
Dir: Vincent McEveety
Stars: Cloris Leachman, Charles Martin Smith, John Vernon
HERBIE GOES TO MONTE CARLO
1977
0
Thieves hide stolen jewellery inside Herbie.
Dumb third in the series.
Dir: Vincent McEveety
Stars: Dean Jones, Don Knotts, Roy Kinnear, Bernard Fox
HERBIE RIDES AGAIN
1974
0
The intelligent VW helps an old lady face down property developers.
Tolerable sequel to The Love Bug (qv).
Dir: Robert Stevenson
Stars: Helen Hayes, Ken Berry, Stefanie Powers
HERCULES
1983
0
Hercules must performs a series of labours to prove he is a hero.
Incredibly bad rubbish which would be hilarious if it were not so boring.
Dir: Luigi Cozzi
Stars: Lou Ferrigno, Sybil Danning, Brad Harris
HERCULES IN THE CENTER OF THE EARTH
1961
*
Hercules journeys to Hell to retrieve a magic stone.
Lopsided but colourful and atmospheric fantasy with some choice moments of madness.
Dir: Mario Bava, Franco Prosperi
Stars: Reg Park, Christopher Lee, Leonara Ruffo
HERE COMES MR JORDAN
1941
**
A boxer who dies 50 years before he is meant to is given a new life as a millionaire.
Meandering but good-hearted fantasy that led to several other celestial comedy dramas that quickly became tiresome and sentimental.
Dir: Alexander Hall
Stars: Robert Montgomery, Evelyn Kees, Claude Rains, Edward Everett Horton
HERE COMES THE NAVY
1934
*
A hot-headed man joins the Navy.
In a way, it's the machismo that dates this most, as Cagney nearly threatens to pick fights in empty rooms, and it gets a tad tiresome. Overall it's a reasonable picture, not intolerable, and found audience and Academy plaudits in its day (and may be of interest now to US Navy historians - the ship much of it was filmed on was bombed at Pearl Harbor).
Dir: Lloyd Bacon
Stars: James Cagney, Pat O'Brien, Gloria Stuart, Frank McHugh
HERE WE GO ROUND THE MULBERRY BUSH
1967
**
A teenager attempts to lose his virginity in an English New Town.
There’s no other film quite like this one, a weird, often surreal youthful sex comedy that’s strangely likeable despite its deficiencies. The script is undeniably weak but it’s not really about content, it’s about creating a mood through experimental photography and the soundtrack, which is terrific, especially the frequently reprised title track. It chimes perfectly with the time and place (it has extensive marvellous location shots of Stevenage, a town in Hertfordshire), being an honest evocation of youth seeking the opposite sex in late Sixties Britain, a truly wonderful time. The vast majority of dialogue appears to have been done in post, giving it a further degree of ‘otherness’. The passing of time always creates melancholy, though: for one thing, both Evans and Scoular died before their time in grim circumstances.
Dir: Clive Donner
Stars: Barry Evans, Judy Geeson, Angela Scoular, Sheila White, Adrienne Posta, Denholm Elliott, Vanessa Howard
HERETIC
2012
0
A Catholic priest is haunted by a girl from his parish who committed suicide.
Very low budget British horror film which resurrects all the old, tiresome Catholic Church tropes and painfully drags on and on. One sympathises with the character who says, 'How come we're trapped in this stupid house?'
Dir: Peter Handford
Stars: Andrew Squires, Michael J Tait, James Zakeri
HERO
2002
*
Assassins plot to dispose of an emperor.
Relentlessly good looking but dramatically stuttering fantasy which unsurprisingly found much acclaim with fans of this sort of thing.
Dir: Zhang Yimou
Stars: Jet Li, Tony Leung Chiu-wai, Maggie Cheung, Zhang Ziyi
HERO AT LARGE
1980
0
An actor decides to become the superhero he is portraying on screen.
Mistaken attempt to formulate some sort of moral, humorous tale, this will appeal to few.
Dir: Martin Davidson
Stars: John Ritter, Anne Archer, Bert Convy
THE HEROES OF TELEMARK
1965
*
The Allies attempt to stop the Nazis' plans for building nuclear weapons by targeting their heavy water supply in Norway.
Long, often silent action scenes in the beautiful, snowy Scandinavian landscape complement this war film's other solid qualities and make it the sort of picture that is more of a pleasure to catch on television during the Christmas period. It isn't as good as the not dissimilar Where Eagles Dare, though - a more concise running time would have eliminated the parts which don't grip.
Dir: Anthony Mann
Stars: Kirk Douglas, Richard Harris, Ula Jacobsson, Michael Redgrave
HEROSTRATUS
1967
*
A young man plans to kill himself and enlists a marketing agency to promote it.
A cultural sign post: one of the pictures that signified that Western civilisation was now in a comfortable, affluent place, with the most desperate problems of the past largely eradicated. Hence the room for arty stuff like this, which is totally pretentious - but not too obnoxiously so, like Godard, for example - and obtuse; its postmodernism shines through, along with the elevation of the individual: this chap is a typically irritating example of the placing of the 'self' above all else, and there are digs at capitalism. Both the director and the star later took their own lives, which is not too surprising given their enthusiastic involvement in this strange, leisurely, handsomely shot film which was made over a couple of years and then disappeared for 40 after a few screenings in 1968.
Dir: Don Levy
Stars: Michael Gothard, Gabriella Licudi, Peter Stephens, Helen Mirren
HEY! HEY! USA
1938
0
A porter on an ocean liner gets mixed up with gangsters.
Exhausting star vehicle which tries too hard to cram too much in.
Dir: Marcel Varnel
Stars: Will Hay, Edgar Kennedy, David Burns, Charlie Hall
HI, MOM!
1970
**
A Vietnam vet returns to New York and gets involved with a Black Power group.
Quirky, refreshing, deliciously unconventional early De Palma, it has raw talent written all over it.
Dir: Brian De Palma
Stars: Robert De Niro, Charles Durning, Allen Garfield
THE HIDDEN
1988
*
An alien uses a human body to travel around slaying folk.
Brisk, no-nonsense (well, quite a bit of nonsense, actually) thriller which wastes little time.
Dir: Jack Sholder
Stars: Kyle MacLachlan, Claudia Christian, Clu Gulager
HIDDEN (CACHE)
2005
*
A married couple receive video tapes which show their house under surveillance; things only get worse for them.
Don't mistake this for a thriller: the director has other things in mind, including meditations on guilt, colonialism and the nature of truth, and his lack of interest in a conventional wrap-up is a little frustrating. There's much to chew on for those sympathetic to his approach - and a case can certainly be made for it as quality cinema - but it's a shame that the viewer isn't given just a bit more (and a bit less running time).
Dir: Michael Haneke
Stars: Daniel Auteuil, Juliette Binoche, Maurice Benichou
HIDDEN FIGURES
2016
**
African-American women working at Nasa offer invaluable help to the American space program.
This would be a very good TV movie, but an Oscar-nominated film? Not so much. The reason that happened is the previous year’s overblown race controversy, which led to 'ethnic' pictures getting prominence in 2017. It’s certainly obsessed with racial matters, not only portraying all the black characters in saintly fashion and most of the whites as dastardly, but exaggerates all events to make unsubtle points - anything else is secondary. White liberals will lap it up, and it’s not without merit, but its distortion of history would not be tolerated were it coming from another angle.
Dir: Theodore Melfi
Stars: Taraji P Henson, Octavia Spencer, Janelle Monae, Kevin Costner, Kirsten Dunst, Jim Parsons
THE HIDDEN HAND
1942
0
A maniac is on the loose in a mansion.
Lively spoof on old dark house thunderstorm mysteries, worth catching for Willie Best's turn as Eustis - we shall not see his like again.
Dir: Benjamin Stoloff
Stars: Craig Stevens, Elisabeth Fraser, Willie Best
HIDE AND SEEK
1972
0
A boy breaks out of borstal to try and track down his father.
Not unpleasing addition to the Children's Film Foundation catalogue, with decent performances and lots of footage of Deptford in South-East London, half of which seems to be a building site. The story, which features many untrustworthy adults, is well pitched for its young audience.
Dir: David Eady
Stars: Gary Kemp, Peter Newby, Robin Askwith, Alan Lake, Liz Fraser
HIDE AND SHRIEK
1987
0
Travellers unwittingly stay with a homicidal family.
Silly but watchable horror that could have been much worse.
Dir: John Hough
Stars: Rod Steiger, Yvonne De Carlo, Sarah Torgov
HIGH SCHOOL
THE HISTORY OF MR POLLY
1949
*
A timid clerk has a midlife crisis.
Simple tale of an unsatisfied man which is told in a light-hearted fashion – indeed, if it wasn’t for the jaunty score it could be a very serious and dark tale. It doesn’t say quite as much about life as we’d like it to.
Dir: Anthony Pellisier
Stars: John Mills, Betty Ann Davies, Megs Jenkins, Finlay Currie
A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE
2005
**
A family man is confronted by violent figures from his past.
The viewer is never certain what will happen next in Cronenberg's engaging examination of primal acts, although it is a little too deliberately paced.
Dir: David Cronenberg
Stars: Viggo Mortensen, Maria Bello, Ed Harris, William Hurt
THE HIT
1984
**
Two hitmen attempt to escort a supergrass, who has been in Spain for ten years, to his fate in Paris.
Effortlessly competent thriller which doesn't make a song and dance, just tells its little story well, underpinned by quality in all departments. At the end you wonder what point it was trying to make: perhaps there was none, or perhaps it was just that life is random, people are crazy and it all ends in death...
Dir: Stephen Frears
Stars: Terence Stamp, John Hurt, Tim Roth, Laura del Sol
HITCHCOCK
2012
*
Alfred Hitchcock has problems with his marriage and his film company during the making of his 1960 masterpiece Psycho.
Although not nearly as poisonous as the same year's The Girl, an HBO production about the making of The Birds, this is an absurd and misguided movie that presents a completely false picture of the master working on his brilliant horror thriller: what we get is a tiresome focus on his marriage, bizarre prominence for killer Ed Gein, little appreciation of his genius and way too much credit given to his wife (who did not have an affair with Whitfield Cook, despite what this film implies). There are a few pleasures but this is an opportunity missed and it's appalling that future film fans coming to this may consider it to be an accurate portrayal of Hitch.
Dir: Sacha Gervasi
Stars: Anthony Hopkins, Helen Mirren, Scarlet Johannson, Jessica Biel
HITCHCOCK/TRUFFAUT
2015
***
Documentary drawing on French film director Francois Truffaut's 1962 interviews with Alfred Hitchcock, plus insight into the master's work from various other moviemakers, including Martin Scorsese, David Fincher, Peter Bogdanovich and Richard Linklater. Most of Hitch's career is covered, with the greatest time devoted to Vertigo and Psycho.
Engrossing stuff for cinephiles, who could probably happily watch another hour of this stuff. It'd be easy to be niggardly, because there are so many other things you could imagine doing with this immense subject and raw material, but it's rarely less than stimulating and sends the viewer away wanting to watch a Hitchcock film.
Dir: Kent Jones
Narrator: Bob Balaban
HITCH-HIKE
1978
*
A bickering couple driving across the desert pick up a murderous hitch-hiker.
In some ways a juicy slice of exploitation, in others a slackly handled thriller that goes on for far too long - it's a shame that the script is so poor because all the ingredients are in place for fun, including Hess as another psycho and the incredibly beautiful Clery as the hassled wife. Great moments but a less than satisfactory whole.
Dir: Pasquale Festa Campanile
Stars: Franco Nero, Corinne Clery, David Hess
HOLD THAT GHOST
1941
*
Two dolts who have been left a fortune are forced to spend the night in a haunted house.
Thought to be one of Abbott and Costello’s best, and a few routines do survive quite well among the tiresomeness.
Dir: Arthur Lubin
Stars: Bud Abbott, Lou Costello, Joan Davis, Richard Carlson, Evelyn Ankers
A HOLE LOT OF TROUBLE
1969
0
Workmen have difficulties digging a hole.
Disheartening comedy short that never even begins to be funny.
Dir: Francis Searle
Stars: Arthur Lowe, Victor Maddern, Tim Barrett, Bill Maynard
HOLIDAY ON THE BUSES
1973
0
Stan and Jack are made redundant but find work in a holiday camp.
The situations in this jejune rubbish are so unambitious, trite and devoid of wit it's staggering that people bothered to get out of bed to make it.
Dir: Bryan Izzard
Stars: Reg Varney, Bob Grant, Stephen Lewis, Doris Hare, Michael Robbins, Wilfrid Brambell, Arthur Mullard, Queenie Watts, Henry McGee
HOLIDAYS
2016
0
Horror portmanteau with stories based on the following days: Valentine's Day, St Patrick's Day, Easter, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Halloween, Christmas and New Year's Eve.
Unattractive and underwhelming shocker with no stand-out tales - perhaps Father's Day is best, but it has a weak finish after a decent build-up. Some are over-stylised (Valentine's Day, St Patrick's Day), some are too slight (Easter, New Year's Eve), and one is just vile and obnoxious (Smith's Halloween, which also could be set at any time); most are female-centric but all lack proper human insight. Seven minutes of end credits is testimony to a waste of effort.
Dir: Kevin Smith et al
Stars: Seth Green, Harley Quinn Smith, Michael Gross, Lorenza Izzo
HOLLOW
2011
0
Four romantically entangled people spend time in a spooky part of Sussex where an old evil legend appears to be stirring.
Although this found-footage horror is very low budget it still lasts an hour and a half, much more than the material deserves - material that will be familiar to patrons of such films, but which also includes tangled relationship issues. Fairly average stuff.
Dir: Michael Axelgaard
Stars: Emily Plumtree, Sam Stockman, Matt Stokoe, Jessica Ellerby
HOLLOW MAN
2000
*
A man is made invisible but goes mad in the process.
Invisibility thriller that could and should have been a lot better, but after setting up a promising scenario doesn't go anywhere, literally or geographically. The special effects are a cinematic step forward though.
Dir: Paul Verhoeven
Stars: Elisabeth Shue, Kevin Bacon, Josh Brolin
THE HOLLY AND THE IVY
1952
*
At Christmas time, a family confront their parson father on issues they've kept buried for years.
Stagey but likeable adaptation of a popular play about a family gone mildly wrong, very well acted. The festive adornments make it a much more memorable picture than it otherwise would have been, and those adornments are indeed rather attractive.
Dir: George More O'Ferrall
Stars: Ralph Richardson, Celia Johnson, Margaret Leighton, Denholm Elliott, John Gegson
HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD
1976
*
A killer picks off cast members of a low budget movie.
B-movie spoof of some perceptiveness, but the low budget does show.
Dir: Allan Arkush, Joe Dante
Stars: Candice Rialson, Mary Woronov, Paul Bartel
HOLLYWOOD PARTY
1934
0
An eccentric actor throws a chaotic party.
A bizarre mess intended to celebrate MGM's box office prowess, this short but tiring revue throws in Mickey Mouse, strange Disney cartoon The Hot Choc-Late Soldiers, Durante as a Tarzan-type character who later wrestles a lion and many song and dance numbers; Laurel and Hardy are probably the high point but even their routines are below par.
Dir: various
Stars: Jimmy Durante, Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, The Three Stooges, Lupe Velez
THE HOLLYWOOD REVUE OF 1929
1929
*
All-star revue featuring MGM stars.
Something of a shining light of its year, even getting a Best Picture Oscar nomination, this lengthy revue, while inevitably dated, features sequences that still have vim, such as the Lon Chaney and Singing In The Rain (sic) sections, and the Technicolor parts like the Romeo And Juliet sketch. There are even trick effects, including a tiny lady (Bessie Love) emerging from a jacket pocket. Very few people will bother setting aside a couple of hours for it nowadays, but it's a noteworthy historical document.
Dir: Charles Reisner
Stars: Jack Benny, Conrad Nagel, Joan Crawford, Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Buster Keaton
HOLMES & WATSON
2018
0
The duo attempt to thwart a plan to kill Queen Victoria.
Dreadful comedic take on Conan Doyle's creations which plays like a series of roughly thought out skits that are neither consistent with one another, nor funny. A waste of a good cast and a well recreated period setting, its gags are so weirdly lame it's remarkable the makers had the affront to release the film to theatres.
Dir: Etan Cohen
Stars: Will Ferrell, John C Reilly, Kelly Macdonald, Rebecca Hall, Ralph Fiennes
HOLOCAUST 2000
1977
0
The head of a nuclear power plant discovers his son is the anti-Christ.
Inane melding of The Omen and The China Syndrome.
Dir: Alberto De Martino
Stars: Kirk Douglas, Simon Ward, Anthony Quayle, Virginia McKenna
HOLY MOTORS
2012
0
A man travels around in his limo taking on the roles of different characters.
Insufferable and pretentious fantasy, a triumph of imagery over story - essentially, it doesn't really have one, and the result is 'floaty' drama that is either boring or mystifying. It inevitably brought out the pseuds in the critics.
Dir: Leos Carax
Stars: Denis Lavant, Edith Scob, Kylie Minogue, Eva Mendes
HOME ALONE
1990
**
An eight-year-old accidentally left at home while his parents are on holiday has to defend the house against a pair of incompetent burglars.
Knowingly crafted for mass audience consumption, this sentimental comedy works a treat and was a massive hit, projecting its young, wily star to fame and fortune.
Dir: Chris Columbus
Stars: Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern, John Heard, John Candy
HOME AT SEVEN
1952
*
A commuter returns home at the usual time one night... but his wife claims he spent the previous evening away, much to his befuddlement.
The premise is sparkling, and the explanation not bad, but this isn't really cinema, more a filmed stage play; it's probably also a bit 'home counties' for a modern audience, but the performances are solid and it keeps you watching.
Dir: Ralph Richardson
Stars: Ralph Richardson, Margaret Leighton, Jack Hawkins, Campbell Singer
HOME BEFORE MIDNIGHT
1979
0
A young man is charged with having sex with an under-age girl.
Interesting if unsuccessful attempt at a 'social' picture by the director, although thankfully not free of his exploitation touches or period emblems. It's quite likely that it already seemed a bit weird and dated when it first came out.
Dir: Pete Walker
Stars: James Aubrey, Alison Elliott, Mark Burns, Richard Todd, Debbie Linden
HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS
1972 (TV)
0
Four daughters visit their father at Christmas, and he claims he is being poisoned by his new wife.
The image used to promote this film - the character in the yellow raincoat with a pitchfork - is a splendid one, but the actual dramatics are a little less dynamic, and a bit soapy. Still, the bad weather makes for a brooding backdrop, and you want to find out how it turns out; it feels a little long getting there despite the short running time. The four really don’t seem like sisters!
Dir: John Llewellyn Moxey
Stars: Jessica Walter, Sally Field, Eleanor Parker, Walter Brennan
A HOME OF YOUR OWN
1965
*
Incidents and pratfalls on a building site.
Predictable but chuckleworthy short with plenty of familiar faces.
Dir: Jay Lewis
Stars: Ronnie Barker, Richard Briers, Peter Butterworth, Bernard Cribbins, Janet Brown, Bill Fraser
HOME SWEET HOME
1981
0
An escaped mental patient spoils a Thanksgiving party.
Unintentionally (?) hilarious slasher picture that's a truly hysterical experience, providing you can stay awake; the victims' ambling goes on for ages, the killer is devoid of motivation or speech, and the murders, when they finally happen, are so much in the dark you can barely see what's going on. The shame is that some of the characters are a bit quirky and kooky, but sadly they're given no decent dialogue to deliver.
Dir: Nettie Pena
Stars: Jake Steinfeld, Vinessa Shaw, Peter De Paula
THE HOME WRECKER
1923
0
An ex-soldier causes chaos on a building site.
Basic short in which Laurel and Finlayson demonstrate some flashes of comic skill atop a half-built house.
Dir: George Jeske, Hal Roach
Stars: Stan Laurel, James Finlayson
HONEST
2000
0
In 1960s London, three glamorous girls get involved in organised crime.
Limp, floppy crime caper, a vehicle for three attractive non-actresses that doesn't have the saving grace of a swinging '60s London atmosphere.
Dir: David A Stewart
Stars: Nicole Appleton, Natalie Appleton, Corin Redgrave, Melanie Blatt
HONEY, I SHRUNK THE KIDS
1989
**
An eccentric scientist accidentally shrinks his children.
A recognisable idea given a fresh look, this popular Disney production works well despite the occasional dip in the narrative's strength.
Dir: Joe Johnston
Stars: Rick Moranis, Matt Frewer, Marcia Strassman
HONEYMOON HORROR
1983
0
Newlyweds are menaced by a lunatic.
Astonishingly inept and paltry shocker.
Dir: Harry Preston
Stars: Bob Wagner, Cheryl Black
THE HONEYMOON KILLERS
1969
0
A pair of lonely hearts come together and plot to murder young women and take their money.
Understated shocker which may have attracted praise because it wasn't the truly terrible film that might have been expected. Sympathy is thin on the ground.
Dir: Leonard Kastle
Stars: Shirley Stoler, Tony Lo Bianco, Doris Roberts
HONKY TONK FREEWAY
1982
*
A town is painted pink to attract tourists, but attracts the wrong sort.
A collection of various incidents and characters with nary a plot in sight, but some of it is quite funny in a coarse, obvious sort of way.
Dir: John Schlesinger
Stars: Beau Bridges, Teri Garr, Beverly D'Angelo, Hume Cronyn
HONKYTONK MAN
1982
*
A boy journeys with his uncle to avoid becoming a cotton picker.
Easygoing road movie with some pleasures on the way.
Dir: Clint Eastwood
Stars: Clint Eastwood, Kyle Eastwood, John McIntire
THE HONORARY CONSUL
1983
0
A doctor is asked to help kidnap a diplomat.
Uninspired filming of Graham Greene, a bore to sit through.
Dir: John Mackenzie
Stars: Michael Caine, Richard Gere, Bob Hoskins
HOOK
1991
0
When Captain Hook kidnaps his children, an adult Peter Pan must journey to Neverland to rescue them.
Spielberg at his sentimental worst, this is sickly, garbled, studio-confined, overlong, cluttered sludge for under-tens.
Dir: Steven Spielberg
Stars: Robin Williams, Dustin Hoffman, Julia Roberts, Bob Hoskins, Maggie Smith
THE HOOSE-GOW
1929
*
Stan and Ollie cause chaos at a prison labour camp.
Brittle short with nice ideas uncertainly handled, like the climactic rice fight, which echoes The Battle Of The Century.
Dir: James Parrott
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Tiny Sandford, James Finlayson, Charlie Hall
HOPE AND GLORY
1987
**
A boy experiences the Blitz in his suburban London neighbourhood.
The director's most personal film will also chime with those who went through similar experiences (although they are, obviously, diminishing by the year), and it is extremely well mounted, capturing the time and place proficiently. Never interested in commenting on anything beyond the family's experiences, it loses something when it heads to the countryside - and some of the characters' behaviour is a little irritating - but it is by and large a consistent and inviting picture. A few of the performances are so broad they're almost pantomime.
Dir: John Boorman
Stars: Sebastian Rice Edwards, Sarah Miles, David Hayman, Sammi Davis, Ian Bannen
HORNS
2013
0
A youth suspected of his girlfriend's murder mysteriously grows a pair of horns.
All-over-the-place fantasy, around half an hour too long, with bizarre changes of tone; the shame is that it starts with great, blackly comic promise, as the town's residents confess their innermost feelings to the newly horned Ig. Harry Potter is constantly angry in it, swears a lot and puts on an American accent.
Dir: Alexandre Aja
Stars: Daniel Radcliffe, Juno Temple, Max Minghella, Joe Anderson
THE HORRIBLE DR HICHCOCK
1962
0
A mad doctor plans to use the blood of his new wife to bring his old wife back to life.
Slow moving, mild shocker with a vaguely endearing sense of bizarre gothic style.
Dir: Riccardo Freda
Stars: Barbara Steele, Robert Flemyng
THE HORROR AT 37,000 FEET
1973 (TV)
0
An invisible demon brings death and destruction to a long-haul flight.
Inane rubbish with sub-standard production.
Dir: David Lowell Rich
Stars: William Shatner, Chuck Connors, Buddy Ebsen
HORROR CASTLE
1963
0
A woman makes some unpleasant discoveries in her new abode.
Further proof that the Italians can't do gothic horror nearly as well as the British; this paper-thin yarn is poorly paced and largely consists of the leading lady wandering around a castle, occasionally discovering something, while the soundtrack gets way too excited. It picks up towards the end with its Nazi twist, when a character who looks like a cross between the Red Skull and Voldemort turns up, but it's much too late.
Dir: Antonio Margheriti
Stars: Rossana Podesta, Georges Riviere, Christopher Lee
THE HORROR NETWORK VOL 1
2015
0
Five stories: 3.00 AM, Edward, The Quiet, Merry Little Christmas, The Deviant One.
Both painfully extreme and extremely painful to watch, this is a dire horror anthology that's semi-professional at best. Story one doesn't realise that loud, disturbing noises alone do not a spooky film make; two is a tedious talk piece; three is wearisomely stretched out; four is vile and impenetrable; five is even less bearable. Please: no volume two.
Dir: various
Stars: Nick Frangione, Brian Dorton, Charlotte Armstrong
THE HORROR OF FRANKENSTEIN
1970
0
Dr Frankenstein builds a creature from body parts that turns into a menace.
A very familiar tale bolstered by Bates's consistent performance but weakened by the unambitious, verbose script and low production values; there are odd moments of humour and horror-wise it's compromised by Prowse's silly looking monster.
Dir: Jimmy Sangster
Stars: Ralph Bates, Kate O'Mara, Veronica Carlson, Dennis Price, David Prowse, Jon Finch
THE HORROR OF IT ALL
1964
0
An American salesman visits the strange family home of his British girlfriend.
Laughless horror comedy with a bizarre double twist ending; a curiously flat effort from a usually reliable Hammer director.
Dir: Terence Fisher
Stars: Pat Boone, Erica Richards, Dennis Price, Valentine Dyall
HORSE FEATHERS
1932
**
The Marx Brothers go to college.
Scatty Marx feature with a fair quota of memorable lines, but almost too stupid to be sympathetically funny.
Dir: Norman Z McLeod
Stars: Groucho Marx, Harpo Marx, Chico Marx, Zeppo Marx, Thelma Todd
THE HORSE WITHOUT A HEAD
1963
**
Crooks try to retrieve stolen loot hidden in a toy horse, but youngsters get in their way.
Cleverly plotted children's adventure which doesn't patronise its audience and varies its action.
Dir: Don Chaffey
Stars: Herbert Lom, Leo McKern, Pamela Franklin, Peter Butterworth, Peter Vaughan
HORTON HEARS A WHO!
2008
**
A kindly elephant helps out the people of a world that inhabits a tiny speck in his world.
One of the better Dr Seuss adaptations, this witty and proficient cartoon serves up succinct entertainment for both children and adults, partly due to a story that comfortably works on two levels.
Dir: Jimmy Hayward, Steve Martino
Voices: Jim Carrey, Steve Carell, Carol Burnett, Will Arnett, Seth Rogen
HOSTEL
2006
**
A pair of young American tourists touring Eastern Europe encounter death, torture and misery at a bizarre establishment near their hostel.
Highly effective extreme horror, a real one for the boys, it successfully creates a feeling of hopelessness and terror in an isolated foreign setting, and is now credited with ushering the sub genre of ‘torture porn’. Viewed some years later, it remains a pretty compelling, simple thriller, but if you watch the behind the scenes featurettes it slightly lessens its effectiveness - not surprisingly, perhaps.
Dir: Eli Roth
Stars: Jay Hernandez, Derek Richardson, Eythor Gudjonsson
HOSTEL PART II
2007
**
Female American back-packers are lured to the ghastly torture dungeons of Eastern Europe.
A sequel which attempts to do things a little differently, with mixed results. The story is opened up and varied, not just settling for a chased/caught/killed theme, but the film doesn't quite have the zip or clarity of the first one. Still, there are some memorably disturbing sequences, most notably the Elizabeth Bathory one, and it can't be accused of blandness or compromise.
Dir: Eli Roth
Stars: Lauren German, Rogert Bart, Heather Matarazzo, Bijou Phillips, Edwige Fenech
HOSTEL PART III
2011 (V)
0
A pre-wedding party in Las Vegas turns into something pretty horrible.
By far the weakest of the three, this straight-to-video effort lacks the grit and vigour of its predecessors, and much else besides; about the only thing that can be said in the script's favour is that it has a nicely done opening scene.
Dir: Scott Spiegel
Stars: Kip Pardue, Brian Hallisay, John Hensley
HOT CHILI
1986
0
American teenagers seek sun and sex at a Mexican resort.
Mindless, frothy teenage comedy with enough tits ‘n’ bums to please its intended audience.
Dir: William Sachs
Stars: Allan Kayser, Joe Rubbo
HOT DOG… THE MOVIE
1984
0
A skiing champion is distracted from the sport by various beautiful women.
Feeble Porky's-type comedy with underdeveloped characters, not redeemed by a few exhilarating ski sequences.
Dir: Peter Markle
Stars: David Naughton, Patrick Houser, Shannon Tweed
HOT DOGS ON IBIZA
1979
0
Holidaymakers enjoy the Spanish island.
Plotless, moronic drivel much worse than the worst Carry On film, irredeemable in every way.
Dir: Max Pecas
Stars: Marco Perrin, Sylvain Chamarande, Andrea Schmidt
HOT FUZZ
2007
*
A top London police officer is assigned to a sleepy Gloucestershire village where he comes across murders passed off as accidents.
Droll, knowing comedy that's like a potpourri of cinematic influences; mainly agreeable despite an unpleasant streak.
Dir: Edgar Wright
Stars: Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Timothy Dalton, Jim Broadbent, Paddy Considine, Bill Nighy, Edward Woodward, Billie Whitelaw, Bill Bailey, Martin Freeman, Steve Coogan
HOT MOVES
1985
0
Four Californian teenage boys attempt to lose their virginity before summer's out.
As typical a 1980s teen sex comedy as there could be, not the worst, but certainly not among the best: slickness or subtlety isn't in its vocabulary and while there are a few smiles and some sexiness - the nude beach scene is something else - it's generally of lowish quality.
Dir: Jim Sotos
Stars: Michael Zorek, Adam Silbar, Jeff Fishman, Johnny Timko
HOT SHOTS!
1991
*
An unbalanced pilot must save a mission sabotaged by devious weapons manufacturers.
Top Gun is the source of this rapid-fire spoof which is little different from the likes of Airplane and The Naked Gun; it provides a few giggles.
Dir: Jim Abrahams
Stars: Charlie Sheen, Lloyd Bridges, Cary Elwes, Jon Cryer
HOT SHOTS! PART DEUX
1993
0
A rescue mission to Iraq is undertaken.
Mostly dismally unfunny spoof of Rambo and many other better films, with the majority of gags falling flat. It's remarkable how these sub-Airplane spoofs are either hilarious (Top Secret, Naked Gun) or utterly awful (this, Airplane 2, Dracula: Dead And Loving It).
Dir: Jim Abrahams
Stars: Charlie Sheen, Lloyd Bridges, Valeria Golino, Richard Crenna
HOT TUB TIME MACHINE 2
2015
0
Three men travel forward in time to stop an event in the past happening.
Relentlessly obnoxious and pitifully witless comedy that should be avoided like electrocution.
Dir: Steve Pink
Stars: Rob Corddry, Craig Robinson, Clark Duke, Adam Scott
HOT WATER
1924
*
Harold has problems with his wife, a turkey and his mother-in-law.
Overstretched but amusing Lloyd comedy effectively in three parts.
Dir: Fred C Newmeyer, Sam Taylor
Stars: Harold Lloyd, Jobyna Ralston
HOTEL RWANDA
2004
*
In war-torn Rwanda, a hotel manager houses scores of refugees.
Serious, worthy drama which runs at panic pitch for the majority of its running time.
Dir: Terry George
Stars: Don Cheadle, Sophie Okonedo, Nick Nolte
H.O.T.S.
1979
0
Disgruntled female students set up a rebellious sorority house.
Goofy, asinine and ham-fisted teen comedy, terrible scene-for-scene and poorly structured, even for this genre. The final strip football game is the one semi-redeeming feature.
Dir: Gerald Seth Sindell
Stars: Susan Kiger, Lisa London, Pamela Jean Bryant
HOUDINI
1953
*
The life of the escapologist and movie star.
Fictionalised biopic with the emphasis on romance, but some of the on-stage trickery is almost as engrossing as the real thing must have been.
Dir: George Marshall
Stars: Tony Curtis, Janet Leigh, Torin Thatcher
THE HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES
1939
**
Sherlock Holmes heads to Dartmoor to investigate a huge dog that may be a threat to a young heir of a grand estate.
The first of the magisterial Basil Rathbone's 14 films as the great detective is a juicy adaptation of the Holmes story that became the most adapted for the screen, a super-foggy, well-constructed mystery with various shifty characters milling in and out, and one of the most remarkable final lines in movie history (surely many in the audience didn't understand it?). This and its follow-up, Adventures Of (qv), both made by Twentieth Century Fox, are markedly more expensive-looking than the subsequent 12 made by Universal; but all the Rathbone-Bruce movies will be returned to by viewers long into the future.
THE HOUSE OF THE DEAD
1978
0
A mortician tells a man four ghoulish tales.
Undistinguished horror anthology with the appearance of a TV movie. It's slow to start, then presents four simple morality tales: the first is decidedly small-scale; the second a novel premise that doesn't go anywhere; the third has some cleverness but not much horror; the fourth offers a few effective moments. But dull handling means it doesn't thrill.
Dir: Sharron Miller
Stars: John Ericson, Ivor Francis, Judith Novgrod
THE HOUSE OF THE YELLOW CARPET
1983
0
A couple are menaced by a man who comes to their apartment.
A mildly intriguing idea not particularly well handled.
Dir: Carlo Lizzani
Stars: Erland Josephson, Beatrice Romand
HOUSE OF USHER
1989
0
A couple visit a mansion which appears to be cursed by madness.
Melodramatic Edgar Allan Poe full of hammy, over-the-top performances.
Dir: Alan Birkinshaw
Stars: Oliver Reed, Donald Pleasence, Romy Windsor
HOUSE OF WAX
1953
***
A mad sculptor opens a wax museum which features his victims encased in wax.
First class remake of Mystery Of The Wax Museum, thankfully free of tiresome sub-plots and powered by a juicy lead performance (Price's first major horror role). 3D and stereophonic sound must have only added to the original viewers' enjoyment.
Dir: Andre De Toth
Stars: Vincent Price, Frank Lovejoy, Phyllis Kirk
HOUSE ON BARE MOUNTAIN
1962
0
Sunbathing lovelies are plagued by Dracula, the Wolf Man and Frankenstein's monster.
Nudie cutie that's so bizarre and bad it's scary.
Dir: Lee Frost
Stars: Bob Cresse, Laine Carlin
HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL
1958
*
Five people are offered a fortune to spend the night in a haunted house.
Rickety fun - standard horror gimmickry with a predictable twist.
Dir: William Castle
Stars: Vincent Price, Carolyn Craig, Richard Long
THE HOUSE ON 92ND STREET
1945
***
A man becomes a double agent for the FBI in a Nazi spy ring.
Though now dated, this semi-documentary drama was a milestone in naturalistic filmmaking, and is still fairly engrossing.
Dir: Henry Hathaway
Stars: William Eythe, Lloyd Nolan, Gene Lockhart, Leo G Carroll
THE HOUSE ON THE EDGE OF THE PARK
1980
**
Two thugs torture and humiliate a group of people at a remote house.
One of the nastiest of the video nasties, this extreme shocker, with its uncompromising sexual violence and willing rape victims, could barely be more irksome to the BBFC. In itself, it’s not too badly done, with a few scenes that grab the viewer, and there’s a dominant performance from Hess (most of the rest of the cast aren’t up to much) but just be prepared for the stench of sleaze that hangs heavily over every scene.
Dir: Ruggero Deodato
Stars: David Hess, Annie Bell, Christian Borromeo
HOUSE ON THE ROCKS
1974
0
A young man has a relationship with his stepmother on her remote Aegean island.
Deadly dull puff of nothing with a nice, exotic setting but absolutely zero in the way of tension, depth or eroticism.
Dir: George Zervoulakos
Stars: Bente Børsum, Christo Spyropoulos, Andreas Barkoulis
THE HOUSE THAT DRIPPED BLOOD
1970
*
Four horrific tales: Method For Murder, Waxworks, Sweets To The Sweet and The Cloak.
Fairly mild Amicus anthology which goes downhill after a bright start - the third story is particularly stolid. Five shorter stories might have been a better idea.
Dir: Peter Duffell
Stars: Christopher Lee, Peter Cushing, Nyree Dawn Porter, Denholm Elliott, Jon Pertwee, Joss Ackland, Ingrid Pitt
THE HOUSE THAT MARY BOUGHT
1994 (TV)
0
A couple buy what may be a haunted house off the coast of Brittany.
Exceptionally dull chiller, all very demure and cultured; not a goer.
Dir: Simon MacCorkindale
Stars: Susan George, Ben Cross, Maurice Thorogood
THE HOUSE THAT WOULD NOT DIE
1970 (TV)
0
A woman and her niece moved into a haunted house in Amish country.
Horror much like many others, except with the Amish thrown in.
Dir: John Llewellyn Moxey
Stars: Barbara Stanwyck, Richard Egan, Michael Anderson Jr
THE HOUSE WHERE EVIL DWELLS
1982
0
A young couple experience ghosts in the Japanese house they move into.
Ridiculous horror, too funny to be scary (but is it meant to be funny?).
Dir: Kevin Connor
Stars: Edward Albert, Susan George, Doug McClure, Amy Barrett
HOW AWFUL ABOUT ALLAN
1970 (TV)
0
A young man whose father has died starts to hear strange voices.
Suspenser with a plot one could scribble down after watching the first five minutes, and on a beer mat at that. And with this being a TV movie, there's no glossy production to soup it up.
Dir: Curtis Harrington
Stars: Anthony Perkins, Julie Harris, Joan Hackett
HOW GREEN WAS MY VALLEY
1941
***
Life for a coal mining family in Wales at the turn of the century.
This really shouldn't work but somehow it does: the story is episodic, manipulative and soapy, several of the characters (eg the brothers) are totally underdeveloped and the setting is rural Wales as concocted in Hollywood. But it has a good heart and is from the old school of film-making when directors tried to please their audiences.
Dir: John Ford
Stars: Walter Pidgeon, Maureen O'Hara, Anna Lee, Donald Crisp, Roddy McDowall, John Loder
HOW I WON THE WAR
1966
0
In World War 2, a useless army officer leads his troops into dangerous situations.
When Lester's good, he's very good (A Hard Day's Night, The Knack, Superman II) and when he's bad, he's bloody awful (The Mouse On The Moon, The Bed Sitting Room and this); a jaded, self-indulgent black comedy ideal for alienating the audience.
Dir: Richard Lester
Stars: Michael Crawford, John Lennon, Roy Kinnear, Michael Hordern, Lee Montague
THE HURT LOCKER
2009
***
Bomb disposal experts risk their lives every day in the warzone of modern-day Iraq.
Highly accomplished thriller that’s one suspenseful situation after another, with a constant undercurrent of tension – could that guy with a camcorder be an insurgent? What about the guy waving from the building? – and brilliant cinematography that wrings every ounce of agony out of the script; it looks especially stunning on Blu-ray. The film submerges you in a dangerous foreign land with total conviction, doesn’t ignore its characters’ feelings (with Renner particularly good in the lead) and thankfully doesn’t choose to make simplistic political points. A sleeper of a movie that socked it to the big guys.
Dir: Kathryn Bigelow
Stars: Jeremy Renner, Anthony Mackie, Brian Geraghty, David Morse, Guy Pearce, Evangeline Lilly, Ralph Fiennes
THE HUSTLER
1961
**
A cocksure young pool shark takes on an old-time champion.
A grim slice of Americana usually acclaimed as a classic, but although the acting, photography and writing are all excellent it's a tough, dour film with no light relief of any kind. Still, it's grown up cinema providing acres of character analysis for those who wish to analyse.
Dir: Robert Rossen
Stars: Paul Newman, Piper Laurie, George C Scott, Jackie Gleason
HUSTLING FOR HEALTH
1918
0
A man looks for a quiet time in the countryside, but doesn't get it.
Early Stan Laurel solo comedy, a slim, unremarkable short.
Dir: Frank Terry
Stars: Stan Laurel
HYSTERIA
1964
*
A man wakes up in a hospital with no memory of how he got there, but he may be involved in a strange murder puzzle.
Complicated psychological drama effective in fits and starts.
Dir: Freddie Francis
Stars: Robert Webber, Anthony Newlands, Maurice Denham, Jennifer Jayne
1960
0
A murder investigation is launched when a tramp is found in a river, with one hand missing.
Extremely confusing B-feature which turns into a talkative police drama after a promising, gory beginning in Burma.
Dir: Henry Cass
Stars: Derek Bond, Ronald Leigh-Hunt, Ray Cooney
THE HAND
1981
*
A comic book artist loses his hand in an accident. It returns to help murder those who anger him.
The concept is nothing new but this is a tolerable horror with a few interesting ideas.
Dir: Oliver Stone
Stars: Michael Caine, Andrea Marcovicci, Annie McEnroe
HAND OF DEATH
1962
0
A scientist accidentally transforms himself into a monster.
Rudimentary fun featuring a guy in a bulky costume running around California, which was apparently as uncomfortable as it sounds. One hour of not-too-disagreeable-to-watch hooey, with the best bits after he transforms.
Dir: Gene Nelson
Stars: John Agar, Paula Raymond, Stephen Dunne
THE HAND OF NIGHT
1966
0
A man stays at a castle in the desert but the following day it has disappeared and no one will believe that it existed.
Primary colours and odd images don't make up for a second-rate script.
Dir: Frederic Goode
Stars: William Sylvester, Diane Clare, William Dexter
THE HAND OF PLEASURE
1971
0
Dr Dreadful turns women into brainwashed sex slaves.
This eventually showed up on the Something Weird label - aptly, as it is, indeed, something weird, a zero-dollar clinker that's part travelogue footage of London, part [unconvincing] softcore action, shot on the dingiest of sets (in California). Beyond belief, among other things, and a labour even at 65 minutes.
Dir: Zoltan G Spencer
Stars: Maria Arnold, Roxanne Brewer, Ron Darby
THE HAND THAT ROCKS THE CRADLE
1992
*
The perfect nanny may not be all she seems.
Formulaic thriller with developments telegraphed well in advance, it reaches a predictably histrionic and violent climax after doses of sentiment and unintentional hilarity.
Dir: Curtis Hanson
Stars: Rebecca De Mornay, Annabella Sciorra, Ernie Hudson, Julianne Moore
THE HANDMAIDEN
2016
**
A handmaiden hired to look after an heiress is part of a plot to defraud her.
Layered, thematically complex mystery drama with dashes of Rashomon and lesbian sex; rewarding for those who can stick with it.
Dir: Park Chan-wook
Stars: Kim Min-hee, Kim Tae-ri, Ha Jung-woo, Jo Jin-woong
THE HANDMAID’S TALE
1989
*
In an oppressive future state, a young woman is put into sexual slavery.
Dour fantasy more interested in feminism than sci-fi.
Dir: Volker Schlondorff
Stars: Natasha Richardson, Faye Dunaway, Aidan Quinn, Elizabeth McGovern, Victoria Tennant, Robert Duvall
HANDS OF A MURDERER
1990 (TV)
0
Sherlock Holmes becomes concerned when Moriarty escapes hanging at the gallows.
Uninspired Holmesian adventure that is confined and lumpy until its lively final chase; the script isn’t especially clever – there’s a lot of reliance on guns - and a bulky Woodward illustrates why gaunt actors are generally cast as Holmes. This sort of stuff looks so much worse after viewing the BBC’s excellent modern-day Sherlock series.
Dir: Stuart Orme
Stars: Edward Woodward, John Hillerman, Anthony Andrews, Peter Jeffrey, Warren Clarke
HANDS OF A STRANGER
1962
0
A pianist is given new hands after he loses his in a car crash, but they affect his behaviour.
A spin on the old Orlac story that's essentially a succession of elongated talk scenes nearly drowned by loud incidental music. It's remarkable how flammable some women can be, but then this is a very daft movie.
Dir: Newt Arnold
Stars: Paul Lukather, Joan Harvey, James Noah
THE HANDS OF ORLAC
1960
0
A pianist who has been badly burned in a plane crash believes he has the hands of a murderer grafted onto him.
Woeful, bottom-of-the-barrel horror devoid of sense, atmosphere and drive.
Dir: Edmond T Greville
Stars: Mel Ferrer, Christopher Lee, Dany Carrel, Lucile Saint-Simon, Felix Aylmer, Basil Sydney, Donald Pleasence, Donald Wolfit
HANDS OF THE RIPPER
1971
*
The daughter of Jack the Ripper appears to be possessed by his murderous spirit.
Slim, unusual Hammer horror that sees the company experimenting with more original material; its slightly silly but not dislikeable plot features some mild reflections on human nature while being punctured by gory violence.
Dir: Peter Sasdy
Stars: Eric Porter, Angharad Rees, Jane Merrow, Keith Bell, Dora Bryan
HANDS ON A HARDBODY: THE DOCUMENTARY
1997
**
Documentary about a competition in America that sees people try to win a truck by placing a hand on it for longer than any other entrant.
The subject matter is absolutely ideal for a documentary, and this does indeed provide the viewer with pleasure and pain, as the group of disparate, eccentric characters are profiled in their desperate quest (subtitles might have been welcome in some cases). But one can't help wish it was a more professional, more cinematic effort, with more cameras, better sound and in-screen graphics - occasionally it's frustratingly unclear what has happened - to really sharpen the narrative. It could still make a superb fictionalised movie (even though the competition was discontinued after a typically American-style tragedy in 2005).
Dir: SR Bindler
HANG ’EM HIGH
1967
*
After he is almost killed by a group of vigilantes, a lawman swears to track them down.
Eastwood’s first American western is faltering but may provide some pleasures for fans of the genre.
Dir: Ted Post
Stars: Clint Eastwood, Inger Stevens, Ed Begley, Pat Hingle
HANGAR 18
1980
0
The United States government attempt to hide a UFO in a hanger in the desert.
Mildly sensationalist filming of a fascinating real-life happening which unfortunately looks a bit like a TV movie.
Dir: James L Conway
Stars: Darren McGavin, Robert Vaughn, Gary Collins
THE HANGOVER
2009
*
Three friends wake up in Las Vegas with virtually no memory of the horrors of the previous night.
Not wonderful comedy that will provide what's expected of it by different audiences coming to it with different wants: it has raucousness and a sense of absurdity but it rarely elevates its concept to anything profound.
Dir: Todd Phillips
Stars: Bradley Cooper, Zach Galifianakis, Justin Bartha, Heather Graham
HANGOVER SQUARE
1945
*
In 1903 London, a composer believes that he must be responsible for the murders of several young women.
Atmospheric but thin drama that lacks a twist. It's vastly different from the far superior book it was adapted from - the makers' lack of understanding of the source material is exemplified by the fact that there is an actual street sign for 'Hangover Square'. The star went on a crash diet for the role, which killed him.
Dir: John Brahm
Stars: Laird Cregar, Linda Darnell, George Sanders, Alan Napier
HANNAH AND HER SISTERS
1986
****
The varied love lives of a woman, her two sisters, her husband and her ex-husband.
What a joy this movie is, one of Allen's greatest, an immaculately ordered ensemble drama that not only has hilarious funny bits and affecting drama bits but feels warm and humanistic - the settings are as much a part of it as the cast (and the cast is exceptional). A juggling of elements that shows Allen off as a consummate, brilliantly intelligent filmmaker.
Dir: Woody Allen
Stars: Woody Allen, Mia Farrow, Barbara Hershey, Dianne Wiest, Michael Caine, Max von Sydow, Maureen O'Sullivan, Carrie Fisher, Julie Kavner, Tony Roberts
HANNIBAL
2001
*
A victim of Hannibal Lecter's seeks revenge, but the cannibal has gone into hiding.
Belated follow-up to Silence Of The Lambs, somewhat less gritty and more glossy in style, it could move faster but does provide some tasty set-pieces.
Dir: Ridley Scott
Stars: Anthony Hopkins, Julianne Moore, Gary Oldman, Ray Liotta
THE HAPPIEST DAYS OF YOUR LIFE
1950
***
The routine of an English boys' school is broken by a girls' school being billeted there.
Delightful farce with an especially ingenious last act in which the boys and girls have to keep swapping places to fool unsuspecting visitors. Two greats, Sim and Rutherford, lead a splendid cast in what's a shining example of British humour near its best.
Dir: Frank Launder
Stars: Alastair Sim, Margaret Rutherford, Joyce Grenfell, Richard Wattis, Laurence Naismith
HAPPINESS
1998
****
The unhappy sex lives of various members of a family and people they know.
Coruscating ensemble piece that showcases a brave and talented filmmaker who pushes things that little bit further. With the realistic message that happiness is a state that cannot be achieved, it portrays eye-watering lives of desperation with extreme honesty and a dollop of jet-black humour.
Dir: Todd Solondz
Stars: Jane Adams, Dylan Baker, Cynthia Stevenson, Lara Flynn Boyle, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Louise Lasser, Ben Gazzara, Jared Harris, Jon Lovitz
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
1980
*
A student approaching her 18th birthday finds that all her friends are being killed.
Outlandish shocker with some nicely gory, inventive kills but way too much length, partly due to the amount of twists it has, including a silly, final Scooby-Doo type one. This director had a funny old CV (one of slow decline, really), and this film suggests his work was getting a little wayward by this point.
Dir: J Lee Thompson
Stars: Melissa Sue Anderson, Glenn Ford, Lawrence Dane
HAPPY DEATH DAY
2017
*
A female student has to re-live the day of her death until she discovers who her killer is.
Groundhog Day meets Halloween in this novelty shocker for teens, one that doesn't quite fulfil the promise of its premise. There's of course some fun to be had as the heroine goes about her repetitive existence (learning life lessons), and some quirky twists, but much of the horror is half-hearted and the emotional beats don't land.
Dir: Christopher Landon
Stars: Jessica Rothe, Israel Broussard, Ruby Modine
HAPPY-GO-LUCKY
2008
*
A north London primary school teacher, Poppy, improves the lives of most people she encounters.
Airy comic drama mostly content to just babble and float, although the driving instructor scenes have some bite and the lead performance is exceptionally bright - the character is actually considerably less annoying than many in Leigh’s work.
Dir: Mike Leigh
Stars: Sally Hawkins, Eddie Marsan, Sinead Matthews, Kate O’Flynn
HAPPY LAND
1943
**
Grandpa's ghost comes back to comfort a family who have lost their son.
Weepie made by experts at this sort of thing.
Dir: Irving Pichel
Stars: Don Ameche, Frances Dee, Harry Carey
HARD CANDY
2005
0
A suspected paedophile brings a teenage girl back to her house - but things are not quite what they seem.
The most painful experience you could have outside a hospital, this hateful two-hander is only made worse by its slick handling.
Dir: David Slade
Stars: Patrick Wilson, Ellen Page
A HARD DAY’S NIGHT
1964
****
John, Paul, George and Ringo head around the country performing songs while being bothered by screaming fans and Paul's grandfather.
A unique, dynamic and sublime film that is important for all sorts of reasons, not least brilliantly capturing a snapshot of an effervescent musical and social explosion that we will never see the like of again. Cinematically its influence was immense thanks to its fast-cutting, no-holds-barred style that perfectly reflected the music and personality of the Beatles, who here embody, for eternity, youth, positivity and creativity. Viewed one more time, what strikes you further is the idiosyncratic wit, its marvellous freewheeling nature, its pace and its unerring capture of the real British life that went on around the Fab Four - there's so much in it, it's such a sophisticated and wise film. And seeing the visible ecstasy of the screaming fans brings tears to the eyes, for all sorts of deep reasons.
Dir: Richard Lester
Stars: The Beatles, Wilfrid Brambell, Norman Rossington, John Junkin, Victor Spinetti
HARD LUCK
1921
*
Buster tries to kill himself, then tries to capture an armadillo.
One of the star's most bizarre shorts, an assembly of random mad incidents, some of which are wearing, some of which are inspired, such as the car that turns out to be two motorcycles, or the bonkers final gag, which is strange and hilarious (and was once lost, but thankfully rediscovered, as was the case with the film itself shortly before that). No wonder French surrealists liked him.
Dir: Edward F Cline, Buster Keaton
Stars: Buster Keaton, Virginia Fox, Joe Roberts
1984
0
Three middle-aged men attempt to get in with attractive young women.
Eventless sex comedy only of interest to students of such things, if they can see through the blurry picture. Don't believe the hype.
Dir: Mark Griffiths
Stars: Grant Cramer, Teal Roberts, Courtney Gains
HARDCORE
1977
0
The amorous exploits of a young woman of pleasure.
Expensive looking 'biography' of one of the best known adult performers of her day, who looked rather better than she acted, this is a bright but utterly vacuous picture, and sure isn't anything approaching 'hardcore'.
Dir: James Kenelm Clarke
Stars: Fiona Richmond, Anthony Steel, Victor Spinetti, Graham Stark
HARDCORE
1978
**
A father searches for his daughter who has become involved in the world of pornography.
Extremely well made exposé of a sordid way of life; it pulls few punches.
Dir: Paul Schrader
Stars: George C Scott, Peter Boyle, Season Hubley, Dick Sargent
HARDCORE HENRY
2015
0
A man is brought back to life and reinvented as an unstoppable warrior.
Like a videogame first-person shooter, this is a relentless, brutal thriller with impressive stunt work and plenty of bombastic style but no heart. And although it has a bit of humour, albeit mostly dark and cynical humour, it gets wearying long before the end; there's a reason hardly any other films are POV ones.
Dir: Ilya Naishuller
Stars: Sharlto Copley, Andrei Dementiev, Haley Bennett, Tim Roth
HARDCOVER
1989
0
The killer in a book appears to be on the rampage in real life.
Fair-to-middling horror with similarities to many others.
Dir: Tibor Takacs
Stars: Jenny Wright, Clayton Rohner
THE HARDER THEY COME
1972
*
In Jamaica, a young singer's attempts to break into the music business run into trouble.
Said to be the 'first reggae film' this certainly feels authentic - and doesn't exactly have you booking your trip to Jamaica - in part because it's pretty rough and ready acting, scripting and directing wise. It tells a squalid tale with unsympathetic characters which doesn't fill the heart with much joy; but really it's all about the vibe and the music is good, if repetitive. If watched, a subtitled version is preferable to make it more understandable.
Dir: Perry Henzell
Stars: Jimmy Cliff, Janet Bartley, Carl BradshawHARDWARE
1990
*
A smashed up robot begins to reassemble itself and threaten all in its path.
Promising but ultimately flat horror suffocated by its confined setting and constant nightmare-like red lighting effects.
Dir: Richard Stanley
Stars: Dylan McDermott, Stacey Davis, John Lynch
HARLEQUIN
1980
*
A politician meets a magical stranger who influences his actions.
Patchy fantasy which leaves too much unexplained.
Dir: Simon Wincer
Stars: Robert Powell, David Hemmings, Carmen Duncan, Broderick Crawford
HAROLD AND MAUDE
1971
*
A young man and an old woman are brought together by their love of funerals.
Deliberately arch black comedy that developed a minor cult following, it’s funny for those in the mood and who don’t mind the rather intrusive soundtrack.
Dir: Hal Ashby
Stars: Bud Cort, Ruth Gordon, Vivian Pickles, Cyril Cusack
HAROLD LLOYD’S WORLD OF COMEDY
1962
****
Compilation featuring the best of the silent comedian, including clips from Safety Last, Feet First, Hot Water, Why Worry, The Freshman, Movie Crazy and Girl Shy (all qv).
One of the greatest silent comedians saluted in the best way possible, this hilarious and sprightly film sagaciously showcases all that made him a marvel.
Narrator: Art Ross
Stars: Harold Lloyd
HARRY BROWN
2009
**
A pensioner on a crime-ridden south London estate fights back.
Enjoyable thriller which takes a reliable vigilante story and places it in a vile modern-day environment that is all too familiar to many. Half predictable, half surprising, it’s better than its stateside cousin Gran Torino and an impressive directorial debut – how lucky Barber was to get Michael Caine, who gives a tremendous performance, to star in his first film.
Dir: Daniel Barber
Stars: Michael Caine, Emily Mortimer, Charlie Creed-Miles, David Bradley
HARRY POTTER AND THE PHILOSOPHER’S STONE
2001
*
A young boy escapes his wicked aunt and uncle to take up at Hogwarts School, where his magic powers come to the fore.
Film number one in the series now looks nascent in comparison with its successors and a little green about the gills but provides a fair measure of fun. Essentially it’s a well executed, traditional romp with appeal to both children and their parents.
Dir: Chris Columbus
Stars: Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Robbie Coltrane, Maggie Smith, Ian Hart, John Hurt, Richard Harris, Julie Walters, John Cleese
HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS
2002
*
Harry is plagued by a strange voice while Hogwarts comes under attack.
Sequel which should please fans as much as the first one did, despite its tiresomely gargantuan length.
Dir: Chris Columbus
Stars: Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Robbie Coltrane, Maggie Smith, Alan Rickman, Richard Harris, John Cleese, Miriam Margolyes, Kenneth Branagh
HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN
2004
**
A convicted murderer escapes from prison and comes after Harry.
Similar in structure to the previous two, (school-related trickery followed by meaty plot stuff) this is a shade better, complete with many imaginative flourishes and adorned with a great British cast.
Dir: Alfonso Cuaron
Stars: Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Gary Oldman, David Thewliss, Michael Gambon, Robbie Coltrane, Maggie Smith, Alan Rickman, Emma Thompson, Timothy Spall, Julie Christie, Julie Walters, Dawn French
HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE
2005
*
Harry is selected as a competitor in a dangerous wizard competition.
The series takes a glum turn; rather gloomy set pieces intersperse busy narrative action with a more 'mature' theme.
Dir: Mike Newell
Stars: Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Michael Gambon, Robbie Coltrane, Maggie Smith, Alan Rickman, Timothy Spall, David Tennant, Eric Sykes, Mark Williams
HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX
2007
0
A new teacher at Hogwarts spells trouble for Harry and co.
Number five is even more stuffed up with its own mythology than before and those who don't buy into it are in for a hard time as there's barely any action to atone.
Dir: David Yates
Stars: Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Imelda Staunton, Gary Oldman, David Thewliss, Michael Gambon, Robbie Coltrane, Maggie Smith, Alan Rickman, Mark Williams, Ralph Fiennes, Julie Walters, Emma Thompson
HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE
2009
0
Dumbledore and Harry attempt to unlock the key to Voldemort’s defences.
It’s a strange thing that children enjoy entries like this into Potter series: there’s an almost total dearth of action, the photography looks like it’s been done through pea green soup and the plot is almost invisible. If you don’t know the books or previous films your pleasure is likely to be curtailed too. What’s so special about Harry Potter as a character anyway, and why have a villain who hardly ever appears?
Dir: David Yates
Stars: Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Michael Gambon, Jim Broadbent, Maggie Smith, Alan Rickman, Robbie Coltrane, Mark Williams, Julie Walters, Timothy Spall, Helena Bonham Carter
HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART 1
2010
*
Potter and friends try to find the secret that will destroy Voldemort.
A bit better than the previous two entries, this has a more focused plot and some thick atmosphere, but once again suffers from erratic pacing and an overload of information that will befuddle all but acolytes. Luckily for the franchise, the three young leads have all grown into impressive performers.
Dir: David Yates
Stars: Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Helena Bonham Carter, Ralph Fiennes, Alan Rickman, Robbie Coltrane, Mark Williams, Julie Walters, Timothy Spall, Michael Gambon, Bill Nighy
HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART 2
2011
*
Harry comes face to face with Voldermort.
Finally, the last in the series, and it is one of the better ones, with a bit more action with significance than usual, but those who have never been into the adaptations are unlikely to be converted here. Many of the old faults remain, including too much exposition, and, particularly viewed in its 3D version, such a grey and gloomy picture you think you’re lost in old London fog.
Dir: David Yates
Stars: Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Ralph Fiennes, Alan Rickman, Robbie Coltrane, Helena Bonham Carter, Maggie Smith, Julie Walters, Timothy Spall, Michael Gambon,
HARVEY
1950
**
A man enjoys the company of his six-foot, invisible rabbit.
The star is superb in one of his best-known roles and the movie is close to the hearts of many, but it does now seem a tad dull in places.
Dir: Henry Koster
Stars: James Stewart, Josephine Hull, Peggy Dow, Charles Drake
HATCHET III
2013
0
Man-monster Victor Crowley terrorises the police force who have mistakenly locked up the only person who can stop him.
Third in the lower league Friday The 13th series is massively simplistic, wearisomely coarse dialogue-wise and utterly meaningless, but it does have some inventively graphic gore - perhaps you need that in a film dealing with an unstoppable, invincible killer, as that tends to suppress the tension and the suspense.
Dir: BJ McDonnell
Stars: Kane Hodder, Danielle Harris, Zach Galligan
HATCHET FOR THE HONEYMOON
1970
*
A man has to keep murdering brides because of the terrible memories he has of his mother’s wedding night.
Seriously weird, semi-supernatural suspense thriller (with very little suspense) that, like most Bavas, isn’t well crafted or very coherent but has a certain something, perhaps its twisted storyline (that has similarities to Psycho and American Psycho and many others) or attractive visuals; not its score though, which is ill-chosen. Amid the plot’s pondering we get an element that makes little sense: how can other people see his wife’s ghost? It’s not so much a ‘refrigerator moment’ as a walk-in freezer room moment.
Dir: Mario Bava
Stars: Stephen Forsyth, Dagmar Lassander, Laura Betti
THE HATEFUL EIGHT
2015
**
Shortly after the American Civil War, various nefarious personalities are stuck together in a snowbound Colorado cabin.
Appositely Tarantino's eight film (ninth if you count Kill Bill as two), this is indeed about hateful people and it includes most of the self-loving director's now familiar traits: extreme verbosity, inordinate length, nasty violence and an obsession with racial matters. While it's overlong and sometimes tiresome it does come good in the end - you need to see how it finishes - and the quality of the acting, photography and music scoring is high. But its hatefulness does temporarily stain the soul.
Dir: Quentin Tarantino
Stars: Samuel L Jackson, Kurt Russell, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Walton Goggins, Demian Bichir, Tim Roth, Michael Madsen, Bruce Dern
THE HATTER’S GHOST
1982
**
In a dank French town, old women are being murdered.
Tense psychological study with a suitably grim atmosphere.
Dir: Claude Chabrol
Stars: Michel Serrault, Charles Aznavour, Monique Chaumette
HAUNTED HONEYMOON
1988
0
A radio personality takes his new bride to a house full of pesky spirits.
The kind of comedy we used to see Bob Hope in, but this has a disappointing lack of good jokes.
Dir: Gene Wilder
Stars: Gene Wilder, Gilda Radner, Dom DeLuise, Jonathan Pryce
1990
*
A smashed up robot begins to reassemble itself and threaten all in its path.
Promising but ultimately flat horror suffocated by its confined setting and constant nightmare-like red lighting effects.
Dir: Richard Stanley
Stars: Dylan McDermott, Stacey Davis, John Lynch
HARLEQUIN
1980
*
A politician meets a magical stranger who influences his actions.
Patchy fantasy which leaves too much unexplained.
Dir: Simon Wincer
Stars: Robert Powell, David Hemmings, Carmen Duncan, Broderick Crawford
HAROLD AND MAUDE
1971
*
A young man and an old woman are brought together by their love of funerals.
Deliberately arch black comedy that developed a minor cult following, it’s funny for those in the mood and who don’t mind the rather intrusive soundtrack.
Dir: Hal Ashby
Stars: Bud Cort, Ruth Gordon, Vivian Pickles, Cyril Cusack
HAROLD LLOYD’S WORLD OF COMEDY
1962
****
Compilation featuring the best of the silent comedian, including clips from Safety Last, Feet First, Hot Water, Why Worry, The Freshman, Movie Crazy and Girl Shy (all qv).
One of the greatest silent comedians saluted in the best way possible, this hilarious and sprightly film sagaciously showcases all that made him a marvel.
Narrator: Art Ross
Stars: Harold Lloyd
HARRY BROWN
2009
**
A pensioner on a crime-ridden south London estate fights back.
Enjoyable thriller which takes a reliable vigilante story and places it in a vile modern-day environment that is all too familiar to many. Half predictable, half surprising, it’s better than its stateside cousin Gran Torino and an impressive directorial debut – how lucky Barber was to get Michael Caine, who gives a tremendous performance, to star in his first film.
Dir: Daniel Barber
Stars: Michael Caine, Emily Mortimer, Charlie Creed-Miles, David Bradley
HARRY POTTER AND THE PHILOSOPHER’S STONE
2001
*
A young boy escapes his wicked aunt and uncle to take up at Hogwarts School, where his magic powers come to the fore.
Film number one in the series now looks nascent in comparison with its successors and a little green about the gills but provides a fair measure of fun. Essentially it’s a well executed, traditional romp with appeal to both children and their parents.
Dir: Chris Columbus
Stars: Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Robbie Coltrane, Maggie Smith, Ian Hart, John Hurt, Richard Harris, Julie Walters, John Cleese
HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS
2002
*
Harry is plagued by a strange voice while Hogwarts comes under attack.
Sequel which should please fans as much as the first one did, despite its tiresomely gargantuan length.
Dir: Chris Columbus
Stars: Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Robbie Coltrane, Maggie Smith, Alan Rickman, Richard Harris, John Cleese, Miriam Margolyes, Kenneth Branagh
HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN
2004
**
A convicted murderer escapes from prison and comes after Harry.
Similar in structure to the previous two, (school-related trickery followed by meaty plot stuff) this is a shade better, complete with many imaginative flourishes and adorned with a great British cast.
Dir: Alfonso Cuaron
Stars: Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Gary Oldman, David Thewliss, Michael Gambon, Robbie Coltrane, Maggie Smith, Alan Rickman, Emma Thompson, Timothy Spall, Julie Christie, Julie Walters, Dawn French
HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE
2005
*
Harry is selected as a competitor in a dangerous wizard competition.
The series takes a glum turn; rather gloomy set pieces intersperse busy narrative action with a more 'mature' theme.
Dir: Mike Newell
Stars: Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Michael Gambon, Robbie Coltrane, Maggie Smith, Alan Rickman, Timothy Spall, David Tennant, Eric Sykes, Mark Williams
HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX
2007
0
A new teacher at Hogwarts spells trouble for Harry and co.
Number five is even more stuffed up with its own mythology than before and those who don't buy into it are in for a hard time as there's barely any action to atone.
Dir: David Yates
Stars: Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Imelda Staunton, Gary Oldman, David Thewliss, Michael Gambon, Robbie Coltrane, Maggie Smith, Alan Rickman, Mark Williams, Ralph Fiennes, Julie Walters, Emma Thompson
HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE
2009
0
Dumbledore and Harry attempt to unlock the key to Voldemort’s defences.
It’s a strange thing that children enjoy entries like this into Potter series: there’s an almost total dearth of action, the photography looks like it’s been done through pea green soup and the plot is almost invisible. If you don’t know the books or previous films your pleasure is likely to be curtailed too. What’s so special about Harry Potter as a character anyway, and why have a villain who hardly ever appears?
Dir: David Yates
Stars: Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Michael Gambon, Jim Broadbent, Maggie Smith, Alan Rickman, Robbie Coltrane, Mark Williams, Julie Walters, Timothy Spall, Helena Bonham Carter
HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART 1
2010
*
Potter and friends try to find the secret that will destroy Voldemort.
A bit better than the previous two entries, this has a more focused plot and some thick atmosphere, but once again suffers from erratic pacing and an overload of information that will befuddle all but acolytes. Luckily for the franchise, the three young leads have all grown into impressive performers.
Dir: David Yates
Stars: Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Helena Bonham Carter, Ralph Fiennes, Alan Rickman, Robbie Coltrane, Mark Williams, Julie Walters, Timothy Spall, Michael Gambon, Bill Nighy
HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART 2
2011
*
Harry comes face to face with Voldermort.
Finally, the last in the series, and it is one of the better ones, with a bit more action with significance than usual, but those who have never been into the adaptations are unlikely to be converted here. Many of the old faults remain, including too much exposition, and, particularly viewed in its 3D version, such a grey and gloomy picture you think you’re lost in old London fog.
Dir: David Yates
Stars: Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Ralph Fiennes, Alan Rickman, Robbie Coltrane, Helena Bonham Carter, Maggie Smith, Julie Walters, Timothy Spall, Michael Gambon,
HARVEY
1950
**
A man enjoys the company of his six-foot, invisible rabbit.
The star is superb in one of his best-known roles and the movie is close to the hearts of many, but it does now seem a tad dull in places.
Dir: Henry Koster
Stars: James Stewart, Josephine Hull, Peggy Dow, Charles Drake
HATCHET III
2013
0
Man-monster Victor Crowley terrorises the police force who have mistakenly locked up the only person who can stop him.
Third in the lower league Friday The 13th series is massively simplistic, wearisomely coarse dialogue-wise and utterly meaningless, but it does have some inventively graphic gore - perhaps you need that in a film dealing with an unstoppable, invincible killer, as that tends to suppress the tension and the suspense.
Dir: BJ McDonnell
Stars: Kane Hodder, Danielle Harris, Zach Galligan
HATCHET FOR THE HONEYMOON
1970
*
A man has to keep murdering brides because of the terrible memories he has of his mother’s wedding night.
Seriously weird, semi-supernatural suspense thriller (with very little suspense) that, like most Bavas, isn’t well crafted or very coherent but has a certain something, perhaps its twisted storyline (that has similarities to Psycho and American Psycho and many others) or attractive visuals; not its score though, which is ill-chosen. Amid the plot’s pondering we get an element that makes little sense: how can other people see his wife’s ghost? It’s not so much a ‘refrigerator moment’ as a walk-in freezer room moment.
Dir: Mario Bava
Stars: Stephen Forsyth, Dagmar Lassander, Laura Betti
THE HATEFUL EIGHT
2015
**
Shortly after the American Civil War, various nefarious personalities are stuck together in a snowbound Colorado cabin.
Appositely Tarantino's eight film (ninth if you count Kill Bill as two), this is indeed about hateful people and it includes most of the self-loving director's now familiar traits: extreme verbosity, inordinate length, nasty violence and an obsession with racial matters. While it's overlong and sometimes tiresome it does come good in the end - you need to see how it finishes - and the quality of the acting, photography and music scoring is high. But its hatefulness does temporarily stain the soul.
Dir: Quentin Tarantino
Stars: Samuel L Jackson, Kurt Russell, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Walton Goggins, Demian Bichir, Tim Roth, Michael Madsen, Bruce Dern
THE HATTER’S GHOST
1982
**
In a dank French town, old women are being murdered.
Tense psychological study with a suitably grim atmosphere.
Dir: Claude Chabrol
Stars: Michel Serrault, Charles Aznavour, Monique Chaumette
HAUNTED
1995
0
A cynic investigates reports of spirits at an old country house.
Determinedly old-fashioned ghost story which plods along for quite some time until it reaches its not unpredictable conclusion; it's to horror films what AC/DC are to rock music - basic. Beckinsale is luminescent but Quinn's face says 'bargain basement token American'. Not a terrible film, just a rather tired and hackneyed one.
Dir: Lewis Gilbert
Stars: Aidan Quinn, Kate Beckinsale, Anthony Andrews, John Gielgud, Anna Massey
HAUNTED HONEYMOON
1988
0
A radio personality takes his new bride to a house full of pesky spirits.
The kind of comedy we used to see Bob Hope in, but this has a disappointing lack of good jokes.
Dir: Gene Wilder
Stars: Gene Wilder, Gilda Radner, Dom DeLuise, Jonathan Pryce
THE HAUNTED HOUSE
1921
0
A bank clerk ends up in a house being used by crooks that they pretend is haunted.
A short of two halves: the first involves Buster getting glue on his hands and stuck to bank notes, and is a bit tiresome, followed by a second set in the house, which has some laughs despite the staircase being over-used for gags. A dream ending that has the star visit heaven and then hell is crackers and possibly the highlight.
Dir: Edward F Cline, Buster Keaton
Stars: Buster Keaton, Virginia Fox, Joe Roberts
THE HAUNTED HOUSE OF HORROR
1969
0
Teenagers at an old mansion are picked off by a killer who may be one of them.
Crass shocker, dated as soon as it came out.
Dir: Michael Armstrong
Stars: Frankie Avalon, Jill Haworth, Dennis Price, George Sewell
THE HAUNTED PALACE
1963
*
A man arrives in a village where his evil ancestor was burnt at the stake hundreds of years before.
Corman’s Poe films were generally good value and this is no exception. Based more on an HP Lovecraft tale, it features Price at pretty much his best in a (sort of) dual role, and he gets solid support from the rest of the cast, along with the set designer and cinematographer. The story is straightforward and spooky and fun, and it ends in a big fire, naturally.
Dir: Roger Corman
Stars: Vincent Price, Lon Chaney Jr, Debra Paget, Frank Maxwell
HAUNTED SPOOKS
1920
*
A young man is caught up in a haunted house scam.
The first part of this short, in which Lloyd keeps failing to commit suicide, is better than the second, which is largely knockabout 'sheets on heads' antics. Some sequences will be familiar to viewers of the Harold Lloyd TV compilation series which ran in Britain in the Eighties, catchy theme tune and all.
Dir: Alf Goulding, Hal Roach
Stars: Harold Lloyd, Mildred Davis, Wallace Howe
HAUNTERS OF THE DEEP
1984
0
A ghost helps a boy rescue some trapped tin miners.
Pleasant little junior adventure with attractive Cornish scenery. There's possibly some lesson in there about the environment and changing working habits, but it's not especially clear, and the drama will be too anodyne except for the very young.
Dir: Andrew Bogle
Stars: Andrew Keir, Barbara Ewing, Bob Sherman
THE HAUNTING
1963
*
A group of people stay at a house where strange and terrible apparitions have appeared.
Chilly, bloodless horror with attention most paid to characterisation and unnerving spooky effects - ghost story lovers will have a good, scary time. But for those of us with a preference for more rational subject matter, it's a padded film that's difficult to warm to, with not that many relatable human beings; also, many similar flicks since have eroded its shock value. Still, black and white photography was made for movies like this.
Dir: Robert Wise
Stars: Julie Harris, Claire Bloom, Richard Johnson, Russ Tamblyn, Fay Compton
THE HAUNTING PASSION
1984 (TV)
0
A woman's frightening dreams of demons come true.
Directed with very little passion indeed, this ghost story plods throughout, sometimes trying to be dirty but mostly just reminding you of The Uninvited or The Entity.
Dir: John Korty
Stars: Jane Seymour, Gerald McRaney, Millie Perkins
HAUNTS OF THE VERY RICH
1972 (TV)
**
A group of people who have narrowly escaped death fly to a strange island resort.
Incessantly compelling Outward Bound-type mystery, one of the very best TV movies of the '70s.
Dir: Paul Wendkos
Stars: Lloyd Bridges, Cloris Leachman, Edward Asner, Anne Francis
THE HAWK
1993
*
A housewife suspects her husband of being a serial killer.
Dank thriller, quite nicely mounted but all too often revealing its TV origins.
Dir: David Hayman
Stars: Helen Mirren, David Harewood, Rosemary Leach
HAWK OF THE WILDERNESS
1938 (serial)
0
A jungle boy seeks to help natives escape from an about-to-erupt volcano.
Potboiling serial with a barely visible plot, not that the kids watching it would have minded, and it does conjure up some nice suspense at times, particularly in the final episode.
Dir: John English, William Witney
Stars: Bruce Bennett, Mala, Monte Blue
HAWK THE SLAYER
1980
0
A warrior sets out to avenge the death of his father and bride.
Dour fantasy with a decent cast.
Dir: Terry Marcel
Stars: Jack Palance, John Terry, Bernard Bresslaw, Roy Kinnear, Patrick Magee, Annette Crosbie
HAXAN: WITCHCRAFT THROUGH THE AGES
1922
**
The story of the persecution of 'witches' through history, in seven chapters.
A distinct artefact that has survived through the years - some of the segments are much less interesting than others (the first is a little dry while the last one, set in the modern day, is intriguing) but its sceptical tone, highlighting the crimes committed in the name of religion, stands it in good stead. In 1967 a shorter version with a jazz score, narrated by William Boroughs, entitled Witchcraft Through The Ages, was released and gained the film more fans.
Dir: Benjamin Christensen
Stars: Benjamin Christensen, Elisabeth Christensen, Maren Pedersen
HE KNOWS YOU’RE ALONE
1980
0
A young bride-to-be is stalked by a psycho.
Routine stalk-and-slasher, not particularly thrilling.
Dir: Armand Mastroianni
Stars: Don Scardino, Caitlin O'Heaney, Elizabeth Kemp, Tom Hanks
HE WALKED BY NIGHT
1948
*
Los Angeles police track down a man who shot a cop.
Neat, methodical thriller which ends in a chase in the sewers, a la The Third Man. Its bones are so bare it doesn't even offer an explanation of the villain's motives. Overall, a pretty good watch.
Dir: Alfred L Werker
Stars: Richard Basehart, Scott Brady, Roy Roberts
HEAD
1968
*
The Monkees have a crazy psychedelic journey.
The manufactured American pop group go psychedelic and bamboozle most of their audience; it remains of minor interest because it sheds light on the kind of chemicals the entertainment industry was taking back then.
Dir: Bob Rafelson
Stars: The Monkees, Victor Mature, Frank Zappa, Timothy Carey
THE HEADLESS EYES
1971
0
An artist who has had an eye gouged out attacks women to gouge their eyes out.
Grindhouse horror flick of almost exquisite trashiness, not likely to make it to Blu-ray anytime soon.
Dir: Kent Bateman
Stars: Bo Brundin, Ramon Gordon, Kelley Swartz
THE HEADLESS GHOST
1959
0
Tourists help out a ghost at a haunted castle.
Dismissable comedy that's just over an hour long but is full of padding, including a scene with an exotic dancer and another in which a woman harangues her husband for not wanting to move out of the countryside - she then disappears. Which, presumably, the audience must also have done for this poorly scripted and acted film that's as flat as a glass of day-old Tizer.
Dir: Peter Graham Scott
Stars: Richard Lyon, Liliane Sottane, David Rose, Clive Revill
THE HEARSE
1980
0
A woman is haunted by a strange black hearse.
Absolutely standard chiller that could have been a TV movie.
Dir: George Bowers
Stars: Trish Van Devere, Joseph Cotten, David Gautreaux
HEART CONDITION
1990
0
A white cop is given the heart of a black cop who he hated.
Tasteless curiosity which belies its label as a comedy.
Dir: James D Parriott
Stars: Bob Hoskins, Denzel Washington, Chloe Webb
HEART OF MIDNIGHT
1988
0
A girl moves into the nightclub previously owned by her strange uncle.
Boring, tasteless and risible fantasy, merely a succession of nasty little incidents.
Dir: Matthew Chapman
Stars: Jennifer Jason Leigh, Peter Coyote, Frank Stallone
THE HEART OF THE GAME
2005
*
Documentary about a girls' basketball team and one troubled player in particular.
While not particularly affable, this is a decent small-scale effort which touches on broader matters that it rarely explores.
Dir: Ward Serrill
Narrator: Ludacris
THE HEARTBREAK KID
1972
*
While on his honeymoon, a man falls for another woman.
Eccentric comedy drama in which we follow an oddball around as he causes emotional unrest and whose actions don't get him punished as much as they might. The film frequently seems about to be very good indeed but often doesn't quite get there, in part because some of the long dialogue scenes need clipping and also because there's no proper conclusion. Still, it's one of the better female-directed Hollywood films of the 1970s.
Dir: Elaine May
Stars: Charles Grodin, Cybill Shepherd, Jeannie Berlin, Edward Albert
HEARTS AND ARMOUR
1983
0
A girl becomes a knight and is told she will marry a prince.
Shaky fantasy in the Excalibur mode which appears to have been badly edited down from something much longer.
Dir: Giacomo Battiato
Stars: Tanya Roberts, Ronn Moss, Zeudi Araya
HEARTS OF DARKNESS: A FILMMAKER'S APOCALYPSE
1991
**
Documentary chronicling the fraught making of Francis Ford Coppola's Apocalypse Now.
This chronicle of on-set disasters could hardly fail to make engrossing viewing, and it makes some interesting points about creating art along the way.
Dir: Fax Bahr, George Hickenlooper
Stars: Francis Ford Coppola, Marlon Brando, Robert De Niro, Harrison Ford, George Lucas, Robert Duvall, Laurence Fishburne, Martin Sheen
HEAT
1995
*
A cop with marital problems goes after murderous robbers.
Essentially a soap opera with actionful asides, most of which are impressively done, with the exception of the rather flat airport climax; heavily billed as the meeting of two movie heavyweights, it’s too long, too unbelievable and peopled with too many characters to become a well-loved classic.
Dir: Michael Mann
Stars: Al Pacino, Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, Jon Voight, Tom Sizemore, Ashley Judd, Natalie Portman
HEATHERS
1989
*
A college girl is encouraged to murder those she despises by a wild young man.
Odd, quirky black comedy with more to it than meets the eye, now a little dimmed by the years.
Dir: Michael Lehmann
Stars: Winona Ryder, Christian Slater, Shannen Doherty
HEAVEN AND EARTH MAGIC
1962
0
Imagine one of Terry Gilliam's animated Monty Python passages stretched out to 66 minutes and you have this crackpot avant-garde piece, which throws everything from bloated eyeballs to watermelons to dentist's chairs at the screen, occasionally putting you in the mind of videogames that would come decades later. The soundtrack also sparks recalls of the Beatles' Revolution 9 - now that was an avant-garde production that was a lot more famous than this one, a film that's hard to keep concentrating on and you sure as heck don't want to watch twice.
Dir: Harry SmithHEAVEN CAN WAIT
1943
**
A man recounts the good he has done in his life to get into Heaven.
Stylish comedy with familiar fantasy bookends and a light touch.
Dir: Ernst Lubitsch
Stars: Don Ameche, Gene Tierney, Charles Coburn
HEAVEN CAN WAIT
1978
*
A footballer dies but comes back to Earth in the body of a millionaire.
Fair remake of 1941's Here Comes Mr Jordan (qv), although one gets the impression, as always with Beatty, that the movie's just an ego trip for him.
Dir: Warren Beatty, Buck Henry
Stars: Warren Beatty, Julie Christie, James Mason, Charles Grodin, Dyan Cannon
1943
**
A man recounts the good he has done in his life to get into Heaven.
Stylish comedy with familiar fantasy bookends and a light touch.
Dir: Ernst Lubitsch
Stars: Don Ameche, Gene Tierney, Charles Coburn
HEAVEN CAN WAIT
1978
*
A footballer dies but comes back to Earth in the body of a millionaire.
Fair remake of 1941's Here Comes Mr Jordan (qv), although one gets the impression, as always with Beatty, that the movie's just an ego trip for him.
Dir: Warren Beatty, Buck Henry
Stars: Warren Beatty, Julie Christie, James Mason, Charles Grodin, Dyan Cannon
HEAVENLY CREATURES
1994
*
Two inseparable teenage girls plot a terrible crime.
Jackson said he wanted to make the dramatisation of one of New Zealand's most infamous crimes 'neutral', a choice that could be described as dubious; when a film leaves you with such anger after you learn that these indulged, spoilt incarnations of banal evil only received five years in jail for their wicked act, it seems quite repellent. Some more emotion might have livened up a story whose main point of interest is a brief act near the end - before that we get many fantasy sequences that Tolkien nerd Jackson must have been determined to get in. The two leads, who both play their roles as if they're on stage at a fifth form drama production, do not help.
Dir: Peter Jackson
Stars: Melanie Lynskey, Kate Winslet, Sarah Peirse, Diana Kent
HEAVENS ABOVE!
1963
*
A liberal-minded minister is accidentally posted to a posh parish.
Idea-heavy comic drama that perhaps takes too many satirical pot shots for its own good - and it's certainly quite lengthy. On the plus side the cast is wonderful and it's a snapshot of its time, both political and religious, from wise observers the Boultings.
Dir: John Boulting, Roy Boulting
Stars: Peter Sellers, Cecil Parker, Ian Carmichael, Bernard Miles, Eric Sykes, Irene Handl, William Hartnell, Roy Kinnear, Joan Hickson, Isabel Jeans
HEAVY METAL
1981
*
Fantastical stories connected by a mysterious, threatening orb: Harry Canyon, Den, Captain Sternn, B-17, So Beautiful And So Dangerous and Taarna.
Roughly made but quite likeable animation, based on a magazine, whose main attraction to its intended audience will be the naked, large-breasted women who light up several of the tales. Some of the other imagery is eye-catching too, but the script could have done with more work.
Dir: Gerald Potterton
Voices: Richard Romanus, John Candy, Joe Flaherty, Eugene Levy
THE HEIRESS
1949
**
The plain daughter of a wealthy man is sought by a handsome young man, but his attentions may not be honourable.
Extremely well made drama that examines the complexity of human emotions; de Havilland's performance, which sees her character change from one thing to another, encompasses all that is good about it.
Dir: William Wyler
Stars: Olivia de Havilland, Montgomery Clift, Ralph Richardson, Miriam Hopkins
HELGA, SHE WOLF OF STILBERG
1978
0
A female boss at a women's camp, who runs it with an iron fist, falls for one of her prisoners.
From its hilarious, Benny Hill type theme music onwards, this is another kooky entry into the women-in-prison genre (with a dash of Nazisploitation), not nearly as extreme as some. More pleasure can be gained from the eccentric dubbing and Longo's whole-breasted commitment to the role than its formless plot.
Dir: Alain Payet
Stars: Malisa Longo, Patrizia Gori, Claude Janna
THE HELICOPTER SPIES
1968
0
The Men from UNCLE track down a secret weapon which is in the possession of a strange sect.
Another uninspired UNCLE movie.
Dir: Boris Sagal
Stars: Robert Vaughn, David McCallum, Carol Lynley, Leo G Carroll
HELL COMES TO FROGTOWN
1987
0
In post-apocalyptic America, a soldier, Hell, is tasked with rescuing fertile women from a band of giant frog men.
Light-hearted sci-fi whose cheekiness means that it doesn’t fall totally flat on its face.
Dir: Donald G Jackson, R J Kizer
Stars: Roddy Piper, William Smith, Sandahl Bergman
HELL DRIVERS
1957
*
A trucker tries to expose his boss's rackets.
Unusual, heated melodrama with a good cast, not especially sympathetic.
Dir: Cy Endfield
Stars: Stanley Baker, Patrick McGoohan, Herbert Lom, Peggy Cummins, William Hartnell, Sid James, Jill Ireland, Alfie Bass, Gordon Jackson, David McCallum, Sean Connery
HELL IS A CITY
1960
*
A Manchester policeman tracks down a recently released criminal who has re-offended.
Competent police procedural with few big surprises; extensive location shooting and fast, bold dialogue have helped it retain freshness. The DVD features an alternate ending that wisely wasn't used.
Dir: Val Guest
Stars: Stanley Baker, John Crawford, Donald Pleasence, Billie Whitelaw
HELL NIGHT
1981
0
College students are murdered one by one in an old mansion.
Undemanding shocker which doesn't bring anything new to the table.
Dir: Tom DeSimone
Stars: Linda Blair, Vincent Van Patten, Peter Barton
HELL OR HIGH WATER
2016
**
Two brothers rob banks to try and save their family's ranch.
A mature and measured film, a sort of modern-day Western and a slow-motion chase movie, it makes points about modern-day America and certainly makes its landscapes look terrific, if sometimes haunting. Better than most of the year's blockbusters.
Dir: David Mackenzie
Stars: Jeff Bridges, Chris Pine, Ben Foster, Gil Birmingham
HELLBRIDE
2007
0
A cursed wedding ring ruins a bride’s wedding day.
Another rather painful low budget British horror film shot on video; snippets of decent dialogue can’t make the padded, underlit and overly quiet enterprise any more alluring.
Dir: Pat Higgins
Stars: Rebecca Herod, James Fisher, Eleanor James
THE HELICOPTER SPIES
1968
0
The Men from UNCLE track down a secret weapon which is in the possession of a strange sect.
Another uninspired UNCLE movie.
Dir: Boris Sagal
Stars: Robert Vaughn, David McCallum, Carol Lynley, Leo G Carroll
HELL COMES TO FROGTOWN
1987
0
In post-apocalyptic America, a soldier, Hell, is tasked with rescuing fertile women from a band of giant frog men.
Light-hearted sci-fi whose cheekiness means that it doesn’t fall totally flat on its face.
Dir: Donald G Jackson, R J Kizer
Stars: Roddy Piper, William Smith, Sandahl Bergman
HELL DRIVERS
1957
*
A trucker tries to expose his boss's rackets.
Unusual, heated melodrama with a good cast, not especially sympathetic.
Dir: Cy Endfield
Stars: Stanley Baker, Patrick McGoohan, Herbert Lom, Peggy Cummins, William Hartnell, Sid James, Jill Ireland, Alfie Bass, Gordon Jackson, David McCallum, Sean Connery
HELL IS A CITY
1960
*
A Manchester policeman tracks down a recently released criminal who has re-offended.
Competent police procedural with few big surprises; extensive location shooting and fast, bold dialogue have helped it retain freshness. The DVD features an alternate ending that wisely wasn't used.
Dir: Val Guest
Stars: Stanley Baker, John Crawford, Donald Pleasence, Billie Whitelaw
HELL NIGHT
1981
0
College students are murdered one by one in an old mansion.
Undemanding shocker which doesn't bring anything new to the table.
Dir: Tom DeSimone
Stars: Linda Blair, Vincent Van Patten, Peter Barton
HELL OR HIGH WATER
2016
**
Two brothers rob banks to try and save their family's ranch.
A mature and measured film, a sort of modern-day Western and a slow-motion chase movie, it makes points about modern-day America and certainly makes its landscapes look terrific, if sometimes haunting. Better than most of the year's blockbusters.
Dir: David Mackenzie
Stars: Jeff Bridges, Chris Pine, Ben Foster, Gil Birmingham
HELLBRIDE
2007
0
A cursed wedding ring ruins a bride’s wedding day.
Another rather painful low budget British horror film shot on video; snippets of decent dialogue can’t make the padded, underlit and overly quiet enterprise any more alluring.
Dir: Pat Higgins
Stars: Rebecca Herod, James Fisher, Eleanor James
HELLCAT MUD WRESTLERS
1983
0
Semi-staged documentary about an evening of female mud wrestling in Croydon.
Essentially the very last British sex flick released to cinemas (the first was Nudist Paradise in 1958), this is Wheeltappers and Shunters with added dirty grappling (which takes an age to start), intercut with fake interviews with glamour girls purporting to be mud wrestlers - a couple of whom casually wear nothing but a robe. You could call it a nadir of UK culture, or you could be kinder and say 'well, you had to be there...' Sound recording, photography and acting are all out of the bottom drawer. It is perhaps proof, though, that even an enterprise as low rent and dingy as this has some sort of cultural value - and anything with sizeable American wrestler Queen Kong in it will at least raise one or two smiles.
Dir: Alan Hall, David Sullivan
Stars: John M East, Sandy Wolshin, Queen Kong, Vicki Scott
HELLGATE
1989
0
Students holiday in a town where a vengeful female monster resides.
Incoherent horror, the sort with a mischievously attractive video sleeve. It's gained a small cult following over the years, and viewed now you can appreciate how its bonkers random elements - bats on strings, exploding mutant goldfish, a talking head in a fridge and so on - have some appeal to bad movie fans. It's good-natured, unpretentious rubbish, and you'd never guess it was shot in South Africa, as is revealed on the 2014 DVD release.
Dir: William A Levey
Stars: Ron Palillo, Abigail Wolcott, Carel Trichardt
HELLO, DOLLY!
1969
0
A matchmaker in Yonkers wants a man for herself.
One of those films that you might have the misfortune in catching during a deep depression, perhaps on a Sunday afternoon, that seemingly goes on forever, force-feeding you with inanely false, mind-numbingly vacant scenes punctuated by songs that say 'show tunes' and nothing else. And yet this torture was a big hit and got Oscar nominations.
Dir: Gene Kelly
Stars: Barbra Streisand, Walter Matthau, Michael Crawford, Marianne McAndrew
HELLO DOWN THERE
1969
0
A family choose to live in an underwater house.
Embarrassing comedy with embarrassing performances; of little appeal to anyone.
Dir: Jack Arnold, Ricou Browning
Stars: Tony Randall, Janet Leigh, Roddy McDowall, Richard Dreyfuss
HELLO MARY LOU: PROM NIGHT 2
1987
*
A murdered 1950s prom queen comes back for revenge.
Surprisingly lively and polished sequel with a few fresh ideas of its own.
Dir: Bruce Pittman
Stars: Michael Ironside, Wendy Lyon, Justin Louis
HELLRAISER
1987
*
An unfaithful wife is plagued by the zombie of her dead lover.
Spirited horror with many imaginative, horrible ideas, a little hemmed in by its budget and settings. Its fright factor has gone down a few notches in the last 20 years, partly due to an almost never-ending succession of loosely connected follow-ups.
Dir: Clive Barker
Stars: Andrew Robinson, Claire Higgins, Ashley Laurence, Sean Chapman, Doug Bradley
HELLRAISER 2: HELLBOUND
1988
0
The head of a psychiatric prison unwittingly unleashes a mass of demons.
A very poor sequel which offers a series of gory images without a clear storyline to hang them on to. Its use of American characters (including police) in what looks like a British setting only irritates more.
Dir: Tony Randel
Stars: Claire Higgins, Ashley Laurence, Kenneth Cranham, Imogen Boorman, Sean Chapman, Doug Bradley
HELLRAISER 3: HELL ON EARTH
1992
0
A reporter battles Pinhead and his hellish friends.
Now fully Americanised, the third in the series has a cheesy script but a certain gumption presentation-wise.
Dir: Anthony Hickox
Stars: Kevin Bernhardt, Terry Farrell, Ken Carpenter, Doug Bradley
HELL’S ANGELS
1930
**
Two brothers fly with the RAF in World War 1.
Howard Hughes' labour of love was extremely popular and mildly shocking in its day - now, with the exception of a striking sequence in which zeppelins bomb London, it is stilted and turgid.
Dir: Howard Hughes
Stars: Jean Harlow, Ben Lyon, James Hall
HELL'S KITCHEN
1939
*
A well-meaning gangster takes over a boys' school run by a corrupt governor.
The Dead End Kids star in this boisterous drama that was considered so near the knuckle it was awarded an 'H' certificate in Britain. It definitely has a rough edge, and captures a certain vibe of down-at-heel Thirties America, while the photography is above average, especially during the ice hockey match. Not a bad watch.
Dir: Ewald Andre Dupont, Lewis Seiler
Stars: Billy Halop, Bobby Jordan, Leo Gorcery, Huntz Hall, Margaret Lindsay, Stanley Fields, Ronald Reagan
1942
***
The making of a movie is fraught with craziness.
Zany comedy with many ideas ahead of its time, its whirlwind paces barely lets up.
Dir: H C Potter
Stars: Ole Olsen, Chic Johnson, Martha Raye, Hugh Herbert
HELP!
1965
**
Ringo is pursued by a mysterious Indian cult thanks to a ring in his possession.
The Beatles' second film is a good deal glossier than the very different A Hard Day’s Night but far more muted in terms of script, allowing the Fab Four limited spontaneous interaction and often dwarfing them with travelogue locations. The ‘plot’, such as it is, is a little boring, but the songs sound as glorious as they ever did. It also looks fabulous, a 2007 restoration being particularly excellent, and it's undoubtedly a hugely valuable snapshot of the amazing group and of Sixties London - it's just a shame it's not nearly as zippy as its predecessor (but it is considerably better than Magical Mystery Tour).
Dir: Richard Lester
Stars: The Beatles, Leo McKern, Eleanor Bron, Victor Spinetti, Roy Kinnear, Patrick Cargill, Alfie Bass, Warren Mitchell
THE HELP
2012
**
In segregated 1960s Mississippi, a young white woman decides to write a book showing life from the viewpoint of black maids.
Manipulative and sensationalist it may be (but, hey, this is Hollywood), this is nevertheless a compelling film that's a sort of wish-fulfillment fantasy that doesn't stint on distorting the truth for its own ends. There are lots of good scenes in a highly professional production.
Dir: Tate Taylor
Stars: Emma Stone, Viola Davis, Bryce Dallas Howard, Octavia Spencer, Jessica Chastain
HELPMATES
1931
****
Ollie calls Stan over to help him clean his house after it has been half-wrecked by a party. Stan completes the wrecking.
One of the comedians' most inspired and gag-packed shorts sees both sublime dialogue and brilliantly engineered calamities, most of which follow logically on from each other as opposed to being separate disasters.
Dir: James Parrott
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy
HELTER SKELTER
1976 (TV)
***
The story of the brutal murder of Sharon Tate and her friends in Los Angeles in 1969 by members of the Manson family.
One of the best American TV movies ever made (it can hold a candle to Duel), this is a very straight, no-frills examination of the case from the night in question to the end of the trial; it realises the real-life tale is so horrible and gripping it wisely avoids adding any distractions like over-heavy stylisation, dramatic ticks or excessive personal stories, and also benefits from hugely impressive acting from those playing Manson and his disciples.
Dir: Tom Gries
Stars: George DiCenzo, Steve Railsback, Nancy Wolfe, Marilyn Burns
A HEN IN THE WIND
1948
**
A wife is forced to prostitute herself for one night to pay her ill child’s medical bills.
One of Ozu’s lesser known but more interesting films, with a little more physical movement and outside shooting than some, it tells a piquant story of a time and place.
Dir: Yasujiro Ozu
Stars: Kinuyo Tanaka, Shuji Sano, Chieko Murata
HENNESSY
1975
0
An Irishman plots to blow up the Queen.
A minor league Day Of The Jackal that uses footage of the State Opening of Parliament at its climax, spliced in quite convincingly: other than that it's a bit silly and shorter on suspense than it should be - the director is not adept at handling this sort of material.
Dir: Don Sharp
Stars; Rod Steiger, Lee Remick, Richard Johnson, Trevor Howard
HENRY & JUNE
1990
0
In 1931 Paris, Anais Nin meets Henry Miller and his wife June.
Not a bad sitcom as the title might suggest, but a slow and dull exploration of adult sexuality, one that led to the creation of the American rating, NC-17.
Dir: Philip Kaufman
Stars: Fred Ward, Uma Thurman, Richard E Grant, Maria de Medeiros, Kevin Spacey
HENRY 9 'TIL 5
1970
*
An office worker passes his day by fantasising about sex.
Bob Godfrey's first 'sextoon' is among his better ones, with the greyness of 9 to 5 contrasting with effervescent fantasies.
Dir: Bob Godfrey
HENRY: PORTRAIT OF A SERIAL KILLER
1987
*
A man who exterminates insects also exterminates humans in his spare time.
Grim account of a murderer and his methods; suitably unedifying to watch.
Dir: John McNaughton
Stars: Michael Rooker
HENRY V
1944
***
Henry V defeats the French at Agincourt.
Innovative, richly coloured interpretation of Shakespeare which set a very high standard for filmed versions of the Bard.
Dir: Laurence Olivier
Stars: Laurence Olivier, Robert Newton, Leslie Banks, Esmond Knight, Ernest Thesiger
HENRY V
1988
**
A darker and more bloody version than Olivier's, confidently handled by a young talent; the battle scenes are Henry's speech prior to it are particularly inspiring.
Dir: Kenneth Branagh
Stars: Kenneth Branagh, Derek Jacobi, Simon Shepherd, Brian Blessed, Ian Holm
HER
2013
**
In the near future, a lonely man falls in love with his computer's Operating System.
A timely film if ever there was one, this comic drama has some lovely ideas that reflect how we live now and are likely to in days to come, Phoenix and Johansson excel in their unusual roles and it has a keenly distinct look. But it's essentially a two-hour movie in which a man, largely in close-up, talks to himself - or rather, with his sexy voiced OS - and that's quite a long time for such a thing, no matter how good the writing; it's also a tad difficult to relate to directly.
Dir: Spike Jonze
Stars: Joaquin Phoenix, Scarlet Johansson, Amy Adams, Rooney Mara
HER PRIVATE HELL
1968
0
Skullduggery at a modelling agency.
Low budget tack which may have given the dirty mac brigade a cheap thrill. Now: nothing for anyone.
Dir: Norman J Warren
Stars: Lucia Modungo, Terence Skelton
HERBIE GOES BANANAS
1980
0
The VW with a mind of its own helps break up a counterfeiting ring.
Scrappy addition to a boring saga.
Dir: Vincent McEveety
Stars: Cloris Leachman, Charles Martin Smith, John Vernon
HERBIE GOES TO MONTE CARLO
1977
0
Thieves hide stolen jewellery inside Herbie.
Dumb third in the series.
Dir: Vincent McEveety
Stars: Dean Jones, Don Knotts, Roy Kinnear, Bernard Fox
HERBIE RIDES AGAIN
1974
0
The intelligent VW helps an old lady face down property developers.
Tolerable sequel to The Love Bug (qv).
Dir: Robert Stevenson
Stars: Helen Hayes, Ken Berry, Stefanie Powers
HERCULES
1983
0
Hercules must performs a series of labours to prove he is a hero.
Incredibly bad rubbish which would be hilarious if it were not so boring.
Dir: Luigi Cozzi
Stars: Lou Ferrigno, Sybil Danning, Brad Harris
HERCULES IN THE CENTER OF THE EARTH
1961
*
Hercules journeys to Hell to retrieve a magic stone.
Lopsided but colourful and atmospheric fantasy with some choice moments of madness.
Dir: Mario Bava, Franco Prosperi
Stars: Reg Park, Christopher Lee, Leonara Ruffo
HERE COMES MR JORDAN
1941
**
A boxer who dies 50 years before he is meant to is given a new life as a millionaire.
Meandering but good-hearted fantasy that led to several other celestial comedy dramas that quickly became tiresome and sentimental.
Dir: Alexander Hall
Stars: Robert Montgomery, Evelyn Kees, Claude Rains, Edward Everett Horton
HERE COMES THE NAVY
1934
*
A hot-headed man joins the Navy.
In a way, it's the machismo that dates this most, as Cagney nearly threatens to pick fights in empty rooms, and it gets a tad tiresome. Overall it's a reasonable picture, not intolerable, and found audience and Academy plaudits in its day (and may be of interest now to US Navy historians - the ship much of it was filmed on was bombed at Pearl Harbor).
Dir: Lloyd Bacon
Stars: James Cagney, Pat O'Brien, Gloria Stuart, Frank McHugh
HERE WE GO ROUND THE MULBERRY BUSH
1967
**
A teenager attempts to lose his virginity in an English New Town.
There’s no other film quite like this one, a weird, often surreal youthful sex comedy that’s strangely likeable despite its deficiencies. The script is undeniably weak but it’s not really about content, it’s about creating a mood through experimental photography and the soundtrack, which is terrific, especially the frequently reprised title track. It chimes perfectly with the time and place (it has extensive marvellous location shots of Stevenage, a town in Hertfordshire), being an honest evocation of youth seeking the opposite sex in late Sixties Britain, a truly wonderful time. The vast majority of dialogue appears to have been done in post, giving it a further degree of ‘otherness’. The passing of time always creates melancholy, though: for one thing, both Evans and Scoular died before their time in grim circumstances.
Dir: Clive Donner
Stars: Barry Evans, Judy Geeson, Angela Scoular, Sheila White, Adrienne Posta, Denholm Elliott, Vanessa Howard
HERETIC
2012
0
A Catholic priest is haunted by a girl from his parish who committed suicide.
Very low budget British horror film which resurrects all the old, tiresome Catholic Church tropes and painfully drags on and on. One sympathises with the character who says, 'How come we're trapped in this stupid house?'
Dir: Peter Handford
Stars: Andrew Squires, Michael J Tait, James Zakeri
HERETIC
2024
**
Two Mormon women pay a visit to a man who may be worse than eccentric.
Many viewers found the climactic stages unsatisfactory, perhaps justifiably, but this is an agreeable diversion because of Grant's splendidly judged performance and the script's scything analysis of organised religion; it also has a really, really creepy atmosphere - the set design, and lighting, of the house, never mind what's underneath it, is spot on. It also teaches you something about Radiohead's debt to The Hollies.
Dir: Scott Beck, Bryan Woods
Stars: Hugh Grant, Sophie Thatcher, Chloe East
HERO
2002
*
Assassins plot to dispose of an emperor.
Relentlessly good looking but dramatically stuttering fantasy which unsurprisingly found much acclaim with fans of this sort of thing.
Dir: Zhang Yimou
Stars: Jet Li, Tony Leung Chiu-wai, Maggie Cheung, Zhang Ziyi
HERO AT LARGE
1980
0
An actor decides to become the superhero he is portraying on screen.
Mistaken attempt to formulate some sort of moral, humorous tale, this will appeal to few.
Dir: Martin Davidson
Stars: John Ritter, Anne Archer, Bert Convy
THE HEROES OF TELEMARK
1965
*
The Allies attempt to stop the Nazis' plans for building nuclear weapons by targeting their heavy water supply in Norway.
Long, often silent action scenes in the beautiful, snowy Scandinavian landscape complement this war film's other solid qualities and make it the sort of picture that is more of a pleasure to catch on television during the Christmas period. It isn't as good as the not dissimilar Where Eagles Dare, though - a more concise running time would have eliminated the parts which don't grip.
Dir: Anthony Mann
Stars: Kirk Douglas, Richard Harris, Ula Jacobsson, Michael Redgrave
HEROSTRATUS
1967
*
A young man plans to kill himself and enlists a marketing agency to promote it.
A cultural sign post: one of the pictures that signified that Western civilisation was now in a comfortable, affluent place, with the most desperate problems of the past largely eradicated. Hence the room for arty stuff like this, which is totally pretentious - but not too obnoxiously so, like Godard, for example - and obtuse; its postmodernism shines through, along with the elevation of the individual: this chap is a typically irritating example of the placing of the 'self' above all else, and there are digs at capitalism. Both the director and the star later took their own lives, which is not too surprising given their enthusiastic involvement in this strange, leisurely, handsomely shot film which was made over a couple of years and then disappeared for 40 after a few screenings in 1968.
Dir: Don Levy
Stars: Michael Gothard, Gabriella Licudi, Peter Stephens, Helen Mirren
HEY! HEY! USA
1938
0
A porter on an ocean liner gets mixed up with gangsters.
Exhausting star vehicle which tries too hard to cram too much in.
Dir: Marcel Varnel
Stars: Will Hay, Edgar Kennedy, David Burns, Charlie Hall
HI, MOM!
1970
**
A Vietnam vet returns to New York and gets involved with a Black Power group.
Quirky, refreshing, deliciously unconventional early De Palma, it has raw talent written all over it.
Dir: Brian De Palma
Stars: Robert De Niro, Charles Durning, Allen Garfield
THE HIDDEN
1988
*
An alien uses a human body to travel around slaying folk.
Brisk, no-nonsense (well, quite a bit of nonsense, actually) thriller which wastes little time.
Dir: Jack Sholder
Stars: Kyle MacLachlan, Claudia Christian, Clu Gulager
HIDDEN (CACHE)
2005
*
A married couple receive video tapes which show their house under surveillance; things only get worse for them.
Don't mistake this for a thriller: the director has other things in mind, including meditations on guilt, colonialism and the nature of truth, and his lack of interest in a conventional wrap-up is a little frustrating. There's much to chew on for those sympathetic to his approach - and a case can certainly be made for it as quality cinema - but it's a shame that the viewer isn't given just a bit more (and a bit less running time).
Dir: Michael Haneke
Stars: Daniel Auteuil, Juliette Binoche, Maurice Benichou
HIDDEN FIGURES
2016
**
African-American women working at Nasa offer invaluable help to the American space program.
This would be a very good TV movie, but an Oscar-nominated film? Not so much. The reason that happened is the previous year’s overblown race controversy, which led to 'ethnic' pictures getting prominence in 2017. It’s certainly obsessed with racial matters, not only portraying all the black characters in saintly fashion and most of the whites as dastardly, but exaggerates all events to make unsubtle points - anything else is secondary. White liberals will lap it up, and it’s not without merit, but its distortion of history would not be tolerated were it coming from another angle.
Dir: Theodore Melfi
Stars: Taraji P Henson, Octavia Spencer, Janelle Monae, Kevin Costner, Kirsten Dunst, Jim Parsons
THE HIDDEN HAND
1942
0
A maniac is on the loose in a mansion.
Lively spoof on old dark house thunderstorm mysteries, worth catching for Willie Best's turn as Eustis - we shall not see his like again.
Dir: Benjamin Stoloff
Stars: Craig Stevens, Elisabeth Fraser, Willie Best
HIDE AND SEEK
1972
0
A boy breaks out of borstal to try and track down his father.
Not unpleasing addition to the Children's Film Foundation catalogue, with decent performances and lots of footage of Deptford in South-East London, half of which seems to be a building site. The story, which features many untrustworthy adults, is well pitched for its young audience.
Dir: David Eady
Stars: Gary Kemp, Peter Newby, Robin Askwith, Alan Lake, Liz Fraser
HIDE AND SHRIEK
1987
0
Travellers unwittingly stay with a homicidal family.
Silly but watchable horror that could have been much worse.
Dir: John Hough
Stars: Rod Steiger, Yvonne De Carlo, Sarah Torgov
THE HIDEOUS SUN DEMON
1958
0
A scientist with radiation poisoning turns into a monster when exposed to sunlight.
Run for your lives, it's the Hideous Sun Demon! No really, do keep on running. Having said that, this all-in-the-family micro budgeter isn't too painful. It isn't good, but, in trying to scrabble for positives: the demon's costume ain't bad and there is a scene with a rat which will make you go 'yuck' (Peterson won't, though). It's a simple werewolf-in-reverse flick that later found a few fans.
Dir: Robert Clarke, Tom Boutross
Stars: Robert Clarke, Patricia Manning, Nan Peterson
HIDER IN THE HOUSE
1989
*
An unbalanced man hides out in the attic of a couple.
Not always believable thriller which holds the interest.
Dir: Matthew Patrick
Stars: Gary Busey, Mimi Rogers, Michael McKean
HIGH AND DIZZY
1920
*
A drunk doctor gets into tricky situations at a hotel.
Moderately funny Lloyd short with just a small section of the film spent on a window ledge - he would get more daring, and more assured.
Dir: Hal Roach
Stars: Harold Lloyd, Mildred Davis, Roy Brooks
HIGH AND LOW
1963
**
A businessman is blackmailed by a kidnapper who has taken what he believes to be the businessman’s son.
Extremely well made thriller that is among the director’s most compelling films, although it is rather long – it is at its sharpest in the first hour and a half.
Dir: Akira Kurosawa
Stars: Toshiro Mifune, Tastsuya Nakadai, Kyoko Kagawa
HIDER IN THE HOUSE
1989
*
An unbalanced man hides out in the attic of a couple.
Not always believable thriller which holds the interest.
Dir: Matthew Patrick
Stars: Gary Busey, Mimi Rogers, Michael McKean
HIGH AND DIZZY
1920
*
A drunk doctor gets into tricky situations at a hotel.
Moderately funny Lloyd short with just a small section of the film spent on a window ledge - he would get more daring, and more assured.
Dir: Hal Roach
Stars: Harold Lloyd, Mildred Davis, Roy Brooks
HIGH AND LOW
1963
**
A businessman is blackmailed by a kidnapper who has taken what he believes to be the businessman’s son.
Extremely well made thriller that is among the director’s most compelling films, although it is rather long – it is at its sharpest in the first hour and a half.
Dir: Akira Kurosawa
Stars: Toshiro Mifune, Tastsuya Nakadai, Kyoko Kagawa
THE HIGH AND THE MIGHTY
1954
*
A plane flying from Hawaii to San Francisco runs into trouble.
Not a great film, but an interesting one for several reasons. It's a precursor of airborne disaster movies like the Airport series, not to mention spoof Airplane!, which also features Stack in a similar role, to hilarious effect; it was unseen for many years; and it stars John Wayne (although he isn't in it for long stretches). Essentially a soap opera with a bit of mild peril thrown in, it's not a dislikeable movie but modern viewers might struggle with its extremely unhurried pace and hugely stretched out plot - but they might find amusement at the casual nature of 1950s air travel, including what happens when someone has a gun on board.
Dir: William A Wellman
Stars: John Wayne, Claire Trevor, Laraine Day, Robert Stack
HIGH ANXIETY
1977
**
A doctor framed for murder must confront his own condition, High Anxiety, in order to find the real culprit.
Brooks’ humorous homage to Hitchcock may not be the most sophisticated or dynamically shot of motion pictures but most of the cast and are a pleasure to be with and it provides a fair quota of belly laughs with its unsubtle but likeable take-offs of scenes from the master’s films, including Psycho, The Birds, Vertigo and Spellbound. It’s a bit of a shame there aren’t a few more spoof scenes, though, and the gag rate is nothing compared to the likes of Airplane! in a few years’ time.
Dir: Mel Brooks
Stars: Mel Brooks, Madeline Kahn, Cloris Leachman, Harvey Korman, Howard Morris
HIGH DESERT KILL
1989 (TV)
0
Campers find they are being controlled by an alien power.
Mystic mystery which builds up lots of questions then in the end fails to provide satisfactory explanations.
Dir: Harry Falk
Stars: Marc Singer, Anthony Geary, Chuck Connors
HIGH FIDELITY
2000
**
An obsessive record collector and list maker has a string of unsuccessful relationships.
The book was much better but a fair amount of the comedy and observations remain intact; but one can't help wondering whether movies are drowning in a sea of obscenity.
Dir: Stephen Frears
Stars: John Cusack, Jack Black, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Tim Robbins, Lisa Bonet
HIGH HEELS
1991
*
A mother and daughter get mixed up with the same man along with a transvestite and the police.
Not the director’s most successful film, but one full of his usual touches, including bright primary colours, kinky sex, off-kilter humour and complicated family and gender issues. A little overwrought at times, it’s nevertheless pleasingly unconventional and almost much better than it is.
Dir: Pedro Almodovar
Stars: Victoria Abril, Marisa Paredes, Feodor Atkine
HIGH HEELS AND LOW LIFES
2001
0
Two women plan to rob some bank robbers.
Breezy comic thriller whose main problem is a total lack of credibility and weak character motivation - and a script that isn't funny enough.
Dir: Mel Smith
Stars: Minnie Driver, Mary McCormack, Kevin McNally, Mark Williams, Danny Dyer, Michael Gambon
HIGH HOPES
1988
*
A London couple struggle with the problems of life, including his aging mother.
This comic drama’s appeal rests squarely on whether you consider its characters to be funny and/or realistic, as narrative drive is almost non-existent: judged on that score, results are mixed – the posh couple are not believable and the daughter is irritating but the main, lefty couple are fairly endearing. The film increasingly resembles a parochial period piece that will one day be of purely minor historical value.
Dir: Mike Leigh
Stars: Philip Davis, Ruth Sheen, Edna Dore, Philip Jackson, Heather Tobias
HIGH-RISE
2015
*
An exclusive residential tower block descends into chaos and carnage.
The first hour of this JG Ballard adaptation is its best, visually sumptuous, consummately stylish and darkly hinting at things to come, but the second hour loses the plot, or rather sticks to it, and nothing of great interest happens over a lengthy period - drama is absent; it then ends by making a stupid, irrelevant political point that fatefully cheapens it. Another problem is that its heightened reality makes it seem like no incident really matters, which it doesn't, because this is an exercise in aesthetics - pity the director doesn't have the talent of someone like Kubrick to make it a fully rounded movie.
Dir: Ben Wheatley
Stars: Tom Hiddleston, Jeremy Irons, Sienna Miller, Luke Evans, Keeley Hawes
HIGH ROAD TO CHINA
1983
0
A pilot helps an industrialist's daughter search for her missing father.
Half-baked mishmash of Raiders Of The Lost Ark and those old romantic comedies.
Dir: Brian G Hutton
Stars: Tom Selleck, Bess Armstrong, Robert Morley, Brian Blessed, Wilford Brimley
HIGH ANXIETY
1977
**
A doctor framed for murder must confront his own condition, High Anxiety, in order to find the real culprit.
Brooks’ humorous homage to Hitchcock may not be the most sophisticated or dynamically shot of motion pictures but most of the cast and are a pleasure to be with and it provides a fair quota of belly laughs with its unsubtle but likeable take-offs of scenes from the master’s films, including Psycho, The Birds, Vertigo and Spellbound. It’s a bit of a shame there aren’t a few more spoof scenes, though, and the gag rate is nothing compared to the likes of Airplane! in a few years’ time.
Dir: Mel Brooks
Stars: Mel Brooks, Madeline Kahn, Cloris Leachman, Harvey Korman, Howard Morris
HIGH DESERT KILL
1989 (TV)
0
Campers find they are being controlled by an alien power.
Mystic mystery which builds up lots of questions then in the end fails to provide satisfactory explanations.
Dir: Harry Falk
Stars: Marc Singer, Anthony Geary, Chuck Connors
HIGH FIDELITY
2000
**
An obsessive record collector and list maker has a string of unsuccessful relationships.
The book was much better but a fair amount of the comedy and observations remain intact; but one can't help wondering whether movies are drowning in a sea of obscenity.
Dir: Stephen Frears
Stars: John Cusack, Jack Black, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Tim Robbins, Lisa Bonet
HIGH HEELS
1991
*
A mother and daughter get mixed up with the same man along with a transvestite and the police.
Not the director’s most successful film, but one full of his usual touches, including bright primary colours, kinky sex, off-kilter humour and complicated family and gender issues. A little overwrought at times, it’s nevertheless pleasingly unconventional and almost much better than it is.
Dir: Pedro Almodovar
Stars: Victoria Abril, Marisa Paredes, Feodor Atkine
HIGH HEELS AND LOW LIFES
2001
0
Two women plan to rob some bank robbers.
Breezy comic thriller whose main problem is a total lack of credibility and weak character motivation - and a script that isn't funny enough.
Dir: Mel Smith
Stars: Minnie Driver, Mary McCormack, Kevin McNally, Mark Williams, Danny Dyer, Michael Gambon
HIGH HOPES
1988
*
A London couple struggle with the problems of life, including his aging mother.
This comic drama’s appeal rests squarely on whether you consider its characters to be funny and/or realistic, as narrative drive is almost non-existent: judged on that score, results are mixed – the posh couple are not believable and the daughter is irritating but the main, lefty couple are fairly endearing. The film increasingly resembles a parochial period piece that will one day be of purely minor historical value.
Dir: Mike Leigh
Stars: Philip Davis, Ruth Sheen, Edna Dore, Philip Jackson, Heather Tobias
HIGH NOON
1952
***
A retiring lawman is faced with engaging a band of ex-prisoners in combat when they swear revenge on him.
Classic western directed with great clarity; it manages to build the suspense to a pitch while creating a good deal of sympathy for the lead character. He represents the male of the species at its zenith - brave, honourable and dedicated to doing the right thing, unlike the weak people of his town, who nevertheless still benefit from his protection. And backing most scenes is that unforgettable theme song.
Dir: Fred Zinnemann
Stars: Gary Cooper, Grace Kelly, Otto Kruger, Thomas Mitchell, Lloyd Bridges, Lon Chaney Jr, Lee Van Cleef
HIGH PLAINS DRIFTER
1973
**
A small town hires a wandering gunfighter to help protect them.
The second film Eastwood directed features him playing a character not unlike those of the Leon Westerns, but here there are supernatural overtones. It has panache and borrows from others, including High Noon, although the villains take a mighty long time to come into town. One might ask: why does he paint the town red? Why does he throw people out of the hotel? Why is the town so useless it can't take out three interlopers themselves? Why do they give Eastwood's character so much licence to do what he likes? Perhaps put aside such questions to indulge in a dark, masculine, mostly compelling movie.
Dir: Clint Eastwood
Stars: Clint Eastwood, Geoffrey Lewis, Verna Bloom, Marianna Hill
HIGH-RISE
2015
*
An exclusive residential tower block descends into chaos and carnage.
The first hour of this JG Ballard adaptation is its best, visually sumptuous, consummately stylish and darkly hinting at things to come, but the second hour loses the plot, or rather sticks to it, and nothing of great interest happens over a lengthy period - drama is absent; it then ends by making a stupid, irrelevant political point that fatefully cheapens it. Another problem is that its heightened reality makes it seem like no incident really matters, which it doesn't, because this is an exercise in aesthetics - pity the director doesn't have the talent of someone like Kubrick to make it a fully rounded movie.
Dir: Ben Wheatley
Stars: Tom Hiddleston, Jeremy Irons, Sienna Miller, Luke Evans, Keeley Hawes
HIGH ROAD TO CHINA
1983
0
A pilot helps an industrialist's daughter search for her missing father.
Half-baked mishmash of Raiders Of The Lost Ark and those old romantic comedies.
Dir: Brian G Hutton
Stars: Tom Selleck, Bess Armstrong, Robert Morley, Brian Blessed, Wilford Brimley
HIGH SCHOOL
1968
**
Documentary about life in a Pennsylvania high school.
With
no narration or interviews with participants, this doc allows you to
interpret it in your own way, and you can be sure that different viewers
will come away with different interpretations. For this viewer,
watching in 2023, it seems to portray, on balance, a better
teaching environment than in many American schools now, with reasonable
discipline and no predilection for dangerous postmodern and neo-Marxist
ideas that have afflicted all levels of education. As a film
experience, in a similar way, its main appeal is that it's a historical
document, a pointed snapshot of a time and place.
Dir: Frederick Wiseman HIGH SCHOOL CONFIDENTIAL!
1958
0
Teachers try and reform a tough nut kid.
Inept moralising drama with lots of hilarious dialogue.
Dir: Jack Arnold
Stars: Russ Tamblyn, Jan Sterling, John Drew Barrymore
1958
0
Teachers try and reform a tough nut kid.
Inept moralising drama with lots of hilarious dialogue.
Dir: Jack Arnold
Stars: Russ Tamblyn, Jan Sterling, John Drew Barrymore
HIGH SIERRA
1940
*
After being released from prison, a crook is recruited to do a robbery in California.
A mix of gangster and Noir, this hard-boiled drama gave Bogart his big break and features his familiar dialogue delivery, usually with a scowl on his face. The story may not convince but the location shooting gives it more oxygen, while fans of Forties dames will enjoy the performances of Lupino and Leslie. It's not an insignificant film but it is rather unsympathetic.
Dir: Raoul Walsh
Stars: Humphrey Bogart, Ida Lupino, Alan Curtis, Arthur Kennedy, Joan Leslie
THE 'HIGH SIGN'
1921
**
Our hero is asked to both protect and kill a man.
The plot may not hang together completely but, as ever with Keaton somewhere near his peak, there are sublime highlights such as the surreal opening of the newspaper and the chase in the house towards the end, most notably the shot that shows all four rooms at once.
Dir: Edward F Cline, Buster Keaton
Stars: Buster Keaton, Bartine Burkett, Ingram B Pickett
HIGH SOCIETY
1956
*
A woman about to be married is tempted by her ex-husband and a reporter.
Musical remake of The Philadelphia Story with Kelly as the upper class slapper and Crosby and Sinatra as the old men tempting her, along with several mostly boring songs from Cole Porter, shot like the stage play it originally was. On the plus side... it's elegant and attractive, and fairly light, and it does have three of the biggest stars of the mid Twentieth century. Not a classic, but a small fraction of a classic.
Dir: Charles Walters
Stars: Bing Crosby, Grace Kelly, Frank Sinatra, Louis ArmstrongHIGH SPIRITS
1988
*
The owner of an Irish castle pretends it is haunted to attract tourists, but then real ghosts turn up.
A not particularly original tale done with some panache, and a willing cast, excellent special effects and marvellous Irish locations all help.
Dir: Neil Jordan
Stars: Steve Guttenberg, Beverly D'Angelo, Peter O'Toole, Liz Smith, Jennifer Tilly, Peter Gallagher, Connie Booth
HIGH STRUNG
1992
0
A writer rants in his apartment.
Not really a proper film, just an irritating man doing a lame stand-up routine within four walls; Carrey's brief exertions can't redeem it.
Dir: Roger Nygard
Stars: Steve Oedekerk, Jim Carrey, Thomas F Wilson
HIGHLANDER
1986
*
An immortal Scottish swordsman faces his ultimate enemy in the search for the truth.
Hearty fantasy with plenty going on; the director sadly failed to live up to the promise shown here.
Dir: Russell Mulcahy
Stars: Christopher Lambert, Roxanne Hart, Clancy Brown, Sean Connery
HIGHWAY TO HEAVEN
1984 (TV)
0
An angel teams with an ex-cop to help people out.
Soggy pilot which hardly makes one avid to see the series it spawned.
Dir: Michael Landon
Stars: Michael Landon, Victor French, Helen Hayes
THE HILLS HAVE EYES
1977
**
A family whose car breaks down are attacked by demented primitives.
Savage and exciting shocker which became a cult film; the director effectively utilises the barren, eerie landscape, and its relentless screaming terror is nearly as uncompromising as The Last House On The Left’s (qv). It largely avoids the pitfalls that many future Eighties slasher films would fall into – this is a family, rather than kids, and they behave fairly logically, while their attackers are a memorable, quirky lot – and although it may not have quite the impact it once did, it’s still easily the best of the four Hills Have Eyes films.
Dir: Wes Craven
Stars: Susan Lanier, Robert Houston, Dee Wallace, Michael Berryman
THE HILLS HAVE EYES PART 2
1984
0
A group of bikers come up against the crazy killers.
Ordinary sequel which regrettably uses teenagers and gives the cannibals little screen time.
Dir: Wes Craven
Stars: Tamara Stafford, Kevin Spirtas, John Bloom, Michael Berryman
THE HILLS HAVE EYES
2006
0
Rather tiresome remake that lasts too long and makes key mistakes in its attempts to generate excitement: we're never sure exactly how many of the mutants there actually are, so the process of them being picked off has no sense of satisfaction or closure; similarly they seem to somehow be almost superhuman, keeping on trotting along despite axes in the head, or whatever. Along with the likes of Last House On The Left and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre it's another example of more expensive and more unpleasant modern retreads of famous Seventies horrors that don't necessarily improve on the originals.
Dir: Alexandre Aja
Stars: Aaron Stanford, Kathleen Quinlan, Vanessa Shaw, Emilie de Ravin
THE HILLS HAVE EYES II
2007
0
A group of soldiers are picked off in the desert by a gang of mutants.
Pointless follow-up which plays like an American Descent, complete with hi-def fast-cutting; it's not a bad horror thriller but it's not a likeable one, full of foul-mouthed grunts clueless as to how to escape from these brain-lite monsters.
Dir: Martin Weisz
Stars: Michael McMillian, Jessica Stroup, Jacob Vargas
HINDLE WAKES
1988
*
The owner of an Irish castle pretends it is haunted to attract tourists, but then real ghosts turn up.
A not particularly original tale done with some panache, and a willing cast, excellent special effects and marvellous Irish locations all help.
Dir: Neil Jordan
Stars: Steve Guttenberg, Beverly D'Angelo, Peter O'Toole, Liz Smith, Jennifer Tilly, Peter Gallagher, Connie Booth
HIGH STRUNG
1992
0
A writer rants in his apartment.
Not really a proper film, just an irritating man doing a lame stand-up routine within four walls; Carrey's brief exertions can't redeem it.
Dir: Roger Nygard
Stars: Steve Oedekerk, Jim Carrey, Thomas F Wilson
HIGHLANDER
1986
*
An immortal Scottish swordsman faces his ultimate enemy in the search for the truth.
Hearty fantasy with plenty going on; the director sadly failed to live up to the promise shown here.
Dir: Russell Mulcahy
Stars: Christopher Lambert, Roxanne Hart, Clancy Brown, Sean Connery
HIGHWAY TO HEAVEN
1984 (TV)
0
An angel teams with an ex-cop to help people out.
Soggy pilot which hardly makes one avid to see the series it spawned.
Dir: Michael Landon
Stars: Michael Landon, Victor French, Helen Hayes
HILL 24 DOESN'T ANSWER
1955
*
Four Israeli troops defend a strategically vital location.
Important as the first film that came out of the newly created Israel, and met with some critical success internationally, this may be a bit rough and ready on the storytelling front but the time and the place it was made automatically give it weight, novelty and a dramatic tang. The overarching historical story is far grander than the story it tells.
Dir: Thorold Dickinson
Stars: Edward Mulhare, Haya Harareet, Michael Shillo, Michael Wager
HILLBILLY ELEGY
2020
*
A Yale Law student is dragged back to his hillbilly past.
Future VP of the US JD Vance's bestselling book was sure to be adapted for the screen - but would it have been more suited to a TV series? This feels like a moderate portion of the characters' lives and of their community (more of them and less of Freida Pinto on the phone might have been an idea); its fragmentary, back-and-forth-in-time approach may irk some - not to mention its many scenes of people yelling at one another. Critical reaction to it was surely affected by the political leanings of those critics (and film critics are almost always left wing), but it was much watched on Netflix.
Dir: Ron Howard
Stars: Amy Adams, Glenn Close, Gabriel Basso, Haley Bennett, Freida Pinto
1977
**
A family whose car breaks down are attacked by demented primitives.
Savage and exciting shocker which became a cult film; the director effectively utilises the barren, eerie landscape, and its relentless screaming terror is nearly as uncompromising as The Last House On The Left’s (qv). It largely avoids the pitfalls that many future Eighties slasher films would fall into – this is a family, rather than kids, and they behave fairly logically, while their attackers are a memorable, quirky lot – and although it may not have quite the impact it once did, it’s still easily the best of the four Hills Have Eyes films.
Dir: Wes Craven
Stars: Susan Lanier, Robert Houston, Dee Wallace, Michael Berryman
THE HILLS HAVE EYES PART 2
1984
0
A group of bikers come up against the crazy killers.
Ordinary sequel which regrettably uses teenagers and gives the cannibals little screen time.
Dir: Wes Craven
Stars: Tamara Stafford, Kevin Spirtas, John Bloom, Michael Berryman
THE HILLS HAVE EYES
2006
0
Rather tiresome remake that lasts too long and makes key mistakes in its attempts to generate excitement: we're never sure exactly how many of the mutants there actually are, so the process of them being picked off has no sense of satisfaction or closure; similarly they seem to somehow be almost superhuman, keeping on trotting along despite axes in the head, or whatever. Along with the likes of Last House On The Left and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre it's another example of more expensive and more unpleasant modern retreads of famous Seventies horrors that don't necessarily improve on the originals.
Dir: Alexandre Aja
Stars: Aaron Stanford, Kathleen Quinlan, Vanessa Shaw, Emilie de Ravin
THE HILLS HAVE EYES II
2007
0
A group of soldiers are picked off in the desert by a gang of mutants.
Pointless follow-up which plays like an American Descent, complete with hi-def fast-cutting; it's not a bad horror thriller but it's not a likeable one, full of foul-mouthed grunts clueless as to how to escape from these brain-lite monsters.
Dir: Martin Weisz
Stars: Michael McMillian, Jessica Stroup, Jacob Vargas
HINDLE WAKES
1952
*
Northern workers holiday in Blackpool, and romantic complications ensue.
It's difficult to watch this now without seeing it as purely a historical and sociological record of Britain at the time, even if some contemporary reviews thought the oft-filmed story already a little dated. The footage of ordinary Brits on their holidays is priceless, and the story itself agreeably well crafted and still of interest.
Dir: Arthur Crabtree
Stars: Leslie Dwyer, Lisa Daniely, Brian Worth, Joan Hickson
THE HIRED HAND
1971
**
A cowboy faces a dilemma after choosing to return home to his wife and child.
Deliberately very slow and visually stylish Western (if it can even be called that) which turns into a deeply touching meditation on love and companionship - you feel the aching loneliness of Bloom's character, and the slivers of loneliness in Fonda's character also. If only things could be different you cry, but that is one of the tragedies of human existence, and in the Hollywood era where a happy ending was anything but guaranteed, you can guess how the tale will go.
Dir: Peter Fonda
Stars: Peter Fonda, Warren Oates, Verna Bloom, Robert Pratt
HIS AND HERS
1961
0
A married couple run into conflict after the writer husband returns from the Middle East with a different view of how women should be treated.
Laughless and dated comedy (some of the action would raise eyebrows nowadays), largely confined to interiors. It even makes the usually genial Terry-Thomas and Hyde-White quite unlikeable, and Carry On stars Kenneth Williams, Joan Sims and Kenneth Connor, who get reasonable billing, have very small parts, especially Williams.
Dir: Brian Desmond Hurst
Stars: Terry-Thomas, Janette Scott, Wilfrid Hyde-White
HIS GIRL FRIDAY
1940
**
A newspaper editor tries to stop his ace reporter from getting married.
Remake of 1931 comedy The Front Page, with the character of Hildy now being a woman. Spirited stuff, with some of the fastest dialogue ever seen on the screen.
Dir: Howard Hawks
Stars: Cary Grant, Rosalind Russell, Ralph Bellamy, Gene Lockhart
HIS ROYAL SLYNESS
1920
0
A young American impersonates a foreign prince.
This Lloyd short isn't the most sympathetic settings wise, but the double special effects are truly amazing for the time - the Lloyds actually physically touch each other.
Dir: Hal Roach
Stars: Harold Lloyd, Mildred Davis, Snub Pollard
1961
0
A married couple run into conflict after the writer husband returns from the Middle East with a different view of how women should be treated.
Laughless and dated comedy (some of the action would raise eyebrows nowadays), largely confined to interiors. It even makes the usually genial Terry-Thomas and Hyde-White quite unlikeable, and Carry On stars Kenneth Williams, Joan Sims and Kenneth Connor, who get reasonable billing, have very small parts, especially Williams.
Dir: Brian Desmond Hurst
Stars: Terry-Thomas, Janette Scott, Wilfrid Hyde-White
HIS GIRL FRIDAY
1940
**
A newspaper editor tries to stop his ace reporter from getting married.
Remake of 1931 comedy The Front Page, with the character of Hildy now being a woman. Spirited stuff, with some of the fastest dialogue ever seen on the screen.
Dir: Howard Hawks
Stars: Cary Grant, Rosalind Russell, Ralph Bellamy, Gene Lockhart
HIS ROYAL SLYNESS
1920
0
A young American impersonates a foreign prince.
This Lloyd short isn't the most sympathetic settings wise, but the double special effects are truly amazing for the time - the Lloyds actually physically touch each other.
Dir: Hal Roach
Stars: Harold Lloyd, Mildred Davis, Snub Pollard
HIS WEDDING NIGHT
1917
0
At a drugstore, two men fight for the hand of one woman.
Not-very-good comic short only notable for being one of the few times that Keaton smiled on film. Comedy inspiration is not high here, some of the gags odd; don't get too excited by the title.
Dir: Roscoe 'Fatty' Arbuckle
Stars: Roscoe 'Fatty' Arbuckle, Buster Keaton, Al St John, Alice Mann
THE HISTORY OF MR POLLY
1949
*
A timid clerk has a midlife crisis.
Simple tale of an unsatisfied man which is told in a light-hearted fashion – indeed, if it wasn’t for the jaunty score it could be a very serious and dark tale. It doesn’t say quite as much about life as we’d like it to.
Dir: Anthony Pellisier
Stars: John Mills, Betty Ann Davies, Megs Jenkins, Finlay Currie
A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE
2005
**
A family man is confronted by violent figures from his past.
The viewer is never certain what will happen next in Cronenberg's engaging examination of primal acts, although it is a little too deliberately paced.
Dir: David Cronenberg
Stars: Viggo Mortensen, Maria Bello, Ed Harris, William Hurt
THE HIT
1984
**
Two hitmen attempt to escort a supergrass, who has been in Spain for ten years, to his fate in Paris.
Effortlessly competent thriller which doesn't make a song and dance, just tells its little story well, underpinned by quality in all departments. At the end you wonder what point it was trying to make: perhaps there was none, or perhaps it was just that life is random, people are crazy and it all ends in death...
Dir: Stephen Frears
Stars: Terence Stamp, John Hurt, Tim Roth, Laura del Sol
A HITCH IN TIME
1978
0
Children journey through various time zones thanks to an eccentric professor.
Lively kids' sci-fi done on a low budget, of some interest to Doctor Who completists or those who want to see what TEB Clarke was writing at the end of his career. Coming out shortly after Star Wars, it's difficult to see what the appeal of this non-cynical yarn would have been to children, apart from to the very young.
Dir: Jan Darnley-Smith
Stars: Patrick Troughton, Michael McVey, Pheona Mclellan
2012
*
Alfred Hitchcock has problems with his marriage and his film company during the making of his 1960 masterpiece Psycho.
Although not nearly as poisonous as the same year's The Girl, an HBO production about the making of The Birds, this is an absurd and misguided movie that presents a completely false picture of the master working on his brilliant horror thriller: what we get is a tiresome focus on his marriage, bizarre prominence for killer Ed Gein, little appreciation of his genius and way too much credit given to his wife (who did not have an affair with Whitfield Cook, despite what this film implies). There are a few pleasures but this is an opportunity missed and it's appalling that future film fans coming to this may consider it to be an accurate portrayal of Hitch.
Dir: Sacha Gervasi
Stars: Anthony Hopkins, Helen Mirren, Scarlet Johannson, Jessica Biel
HITCHCOCK/TRUFFAUT
2015
***
Documentary drawing on French film director Francois Truffaut's 1962 interviews with Alfred Hitchcock, plus insight into the master's work from various other moviemakers, including Martin Scorsese, David Fincher, Peter Bogdanovich and Richard Linklater. Most of Hitch's career is covered, with the greatest time devoted to Vertigo and Psycho.
Engrossing stuff for cinephiles, who could probably happily watch another hour of this stuff. It'd be easy to be niggardly, because there are so many other things you could imagine doing with this immense subject and raw material, but it's rarely less than stimulating and sends the viewer away wanting to watch a Hitchcock film.
Dir: Kent Jones
Narrator: Bob Balaban
HITCH-HIKE
1978
*
A bickering couple driving across the desert pick up a murderous hitch-hiker.
In some ways a juicy slice of exploitation, in others a slackly handled thriller that goes on for far too long - it's a shame that the script is so poor because all the ingredients are in place for fun, including Hess as another psycho and the incredibly beautiful Clery as the hassled wife. Great moments but a less than satisfactory whole.
Dir: Pasquale Festa Campanile
Stars: Franco Nero, Corinne Clery, David Hess
THE HITCH-HIKER
1953
*
Two men driving through Mexico pick up a homicidal hitch-hiker.
Straightforward, not-that-surprising thriller, well enough done in some respects, that eventually gained something of a following. A rare Fifties film directed by a woman, and actress Lupino at that.
Dir: Ida Lupino
Stars: Edmond O'Brien, Frank Lovejoy, William Talman
THE HITCHER
1986
**
A man picks up a hitch-hiker with murderous intentions.
Gripping thriller with a memorable lead performance.
Dir: Robert Harmon
Stars: Rutger Hauer, C Thomas Howell, Jennifer Jason Leigh
THE HITCHER
1986
**
A man picks up a hitch-hiker with murderous intentions.
Gripping thriller with a memorable lead performance.
Dir: Robert Harmon
Stars: Rutger Hauer, C Thomas Howell, Jennifer Jason Leigh
HITLER'S LAST TRAIN
1977
0
A train full of lovely ladies entertain German troops in World War II.
Sleazy trash in the Nazisploitation genre, with little direction or masterplan; it goes on for way, way too long and thrills are few. If only the Germans had won the war it would never have been made.
Dir: Alain Payet
Stars: Monica Swinn, Christine Aurel, Sandra Mozarowsky
THE HOBBIT: AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEY
2012
*
Wizard Gandalf arrives to take a little hobbit on a quest to reclaim a stolen mountain.
The grandiosity of this project - to take a slim book and turn it into three Lord Of The Rings-sized movies - smacks of a director who's got too big and greedy, and producers who are afraid to say no to him. Predictably, this film is ridiculously inflated and a bore to anyone who isn't a Tolkien/Jackson acolyte, full of incident that just doesn't matter, either because things hardly seem to matter in such removed-from-reality situations anyway, or the excess of computer generated special effects that look anything but real. It's a sobering thought that there are two more of these to come.
Dir: Peter Jackson
Stars: Martin Freeman, Ian McKellen, Richard Armitage, James Nesbitt, Cate Blanchett, Christopher Lee
HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN
2011
**
An armed vigilante gives a lawless town a taste of its own medicine.
Hysterically nasty homage to old grindhouse cinema that has the look and soundtrack of an Eighties trash movie, and knowingly arch dialogue and performances to match. Some loathed it but others, even those who weren’t fully aware of its skills, revelled in the madness – yes, many of them might have been brainless, but there are enough clever techniques and other qualities in this film for the intelligent to appreciate too.
Dir: Jason Eisener
Stars: Rutger Hauer, Molly Dunsworth, Gregory Smith, Nick Bateman
HOCKNEY
2014
*
Documentary about the painter David Hockney, who went from Bradford to LA.
This doesn't really get under the skin of the painter or the art world, but is a decent stab at a biography, with some interesting insights into how works were created and, frequently, interviews with those who were the subject of them.
Dir: Randall Wright
HOFFMAN
1970
*
A businessman blackmails his pretty secretary into spending the weekend with him.
Odd little drama which unsurprisingly failed to find much of an audience; pleasant but not very exciting.
Dir: Alvin Rakoff
Stars: Peter Sellers, Sinead Cusack, Jeremy Bulloch, Ruth Dunning, David Lodge
HOG WILD
1930
***
Stan and Ollie encounter problems trying to mount a radio aerial on Ollie's roof.
Classic comedy of serial disaster demonstrating the pair's ability to run with a simple gag and turn it into gold. It's essentially in three different parts - the initial dialogue about the hat, the incidents on the roof, then the trip through the Californian streets - and while it perhaps lack the substance and verbal wit of much of their work, it's nevertheless a likeable addition to the canon.
Dir: James Parrott
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Fay Holderness
HOLD BACK THE DAWN
1941
*
A Romanian tries to get into the US faster by marrying an American.
A romantic drama on a topic that would become especially hot in the decades to come, this is well mounted and nicely acted but a little overlong - hence it's not quite as involving as might have been.
Dir: Mitchell Leisen
Stars: Charles Boyer, Olivia de Havilland, Paulette Goddard, Victor Francen
THE HOBBIT: AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEY
2012
*
Wizard Gandalf arrives to take a little hobbit on a quest to reclaim a stolen mountain.
The grandiosity of this project - to take a slim book and turn it into three Lord Of The Rings-sized movies - smacks of a director who's got too big and greedy, and producers who are afraid to say no to him. Predictably, this film is ridiculously inflated and a bore to anyone who isn't a Tolkien/Jackson acolyte, full of incident that just doesn't matter, either because things hardly seem to matter in such removed-from-reality situations anyway, or the excess of computer generated special effects that look anything but real. It's a sobering thought that there are two more of these to come.
Dir: Peter Jackson
Stars: Martin Freeman, Ian McKellen, Richard Armitage, James Nesbitt, Cate Blanchett, Christopher Lee
HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN
2011
**
An armed vigilante gives a lawless town a taste of its own medicine.
Hysterically nasty homage to old grindhouse cinema that has the look and soundtrack of an Eighties trash movie, and knowingly arch dialogue and performances to match. Some loathed it but others, even those who weren’t fully aware of its skills, revelled in the madness – yes, many of them might have been brainless, but there are enough clever techniques and other qualities in this film for the intelligent to appreciate too.
Dir: Jason Eisener
Stars: Rutger Hauer, Molly Dunsworth, Gregory Smith, Nick Bateman
HOCKNEY
2014
*
Documentary about the painter David Hockney, who went from Bradford to LA.
This doesn't really get under the skin of the painter or the art world, but is a decent stab at a biography, with some interesting insights into how works were created and, frequently, interviews with those who were the subject of them.
Dir: Randall Wright
HOFFMAN
1970
*
A businessman blackmails his pretty secretary into spending the weekend with him.
Odd little drama which unsurprisingly failed to find much of an audience; pleasant but not very exciting.
Dir: Alvin Rakoff
Stars: Peter Sellers, Sinead Cusack, Jeremy Bulloch, Ruth Dunning, David Lodge
HOG WILD
1930
***
Stan and Ollie encounter problems trying to mount a radio aerial on Ollie's roof.
Classic comedy of serial disaster demonstrating the pair's ability to run with a simple gag and turn it into gold. It's essentially in three different parts - the initial dialogue about the hat, the incidents on the roof, then the trip through the Californian streets - and while it perhaps lack the substance and verbal wit of much of their work, it's nevertheless a likeable addition to the canon.
Dir: James Parrott
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Fay Holderness
HOLD BACK THE DAWN
1941
*
A Romanian tries to get into the US faster by marrying an American.
A romantic drama on a topic that would become especially hot in the decades to come, this is well mounted and nicely acted but a little overlong - hence it's not quite as involving as might have been.
Dir: Mitchell Leisen
Stars: Charles Boyer, Olivia de Havilland, Paulette Goddard, Victor Francen
HOLD ME WHILE I'M NAKED
1966
*
A director has problems when he wants his actresses to get naked.
Experimental short which at least has some energy, some arresting colour saturation and, yes, some nudity. Whether that makes this very weird film worth watching is another matter.
Dir: George Kuchar
Stars: Donna Kerness, George Kuchar, Stella Kuchar
HOLD THAT GHOST
1941
*
Two dolts who have been left a fortune are forced to spend the night in a haunted house.
Thought to be one of Abbott and Costello’s best, and a few routines do survive quite well among the tiresomeness.
Dir: Arthur Lubin
Stars: Bud Abbott, Lou Costello, Joan Davis, Richard Carlson, Evelyn Ankers
THE HOLDOVERS
2023
*
Christmas 1970 sees a group of boarding school pupils having to stay there for the festive period with their grouchy history teacher.
Although it tries to present itself as a good-natured Christmas movie, there's no disguising the sourness of this film as it subtly takes jabs at established norms, while being overly pleased with itself - but what most disappoints after a promising start is how rambling, boring and overlong it becomes; it seems never-ending, predictable and sentimental. There's much of quality in it - not least Giamatti and Sessa's performances, and the mahogany recreation of the period - but it's not nearly as sympathetic as it'd like to be, especially perhaps to non-American audiences who didn't go to college.
Dir: Alexander Payne
Stars: Paul Giamatti, Dominic Sessa, Da'Vine Joy Randolph, Brady Hepner
A HOLE LOT OF TROUBLE
1969
0
Workmen have difficulties digging a hole.
Disheartening comedy short that never even begins to be funny.
Dir: Francis Searle
Stars: Arthur Lowe, Victor Maddern, Tim Barrett, Bill Maynard
HOLIDAY ON THE BUSES
1973
0
Stan and Jack are made redundant but find work in a holiday camp.
The situations in this jejune rubbish are so unambitious, trite and devoid of wit it's staggering that people bothered to get out of bed to make it.
Dir: Bryan Izzard
Stars: Reg Varney, Bob Grant, Stephen Lewis, Doris Hare, Michael Robbins, Wilfrid Brambell, Arthur Mullard, Queenie Watts, Henry McGee
HOLIDAYS
2016
0
Horror portmanteau with stories based on the following days: Valentine's Day, St Patrick's Day, Easter, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Halloween, Christmas and New Year's Eve.
Unattractive and underwhelming shocker with no stand-out tales - perhaps Father's Day is best, but it has a weak finish after a decent build-up. Some are over-stylised (Valentine's Day, St Patrick's Day), some are too slight (Easter, New Year's Eve), and one is just vile and obnoxious (Smith's Halloween, which also could be set at any time); most are female-centric but all lack proper human insight. Seven minutes of end credits is testimony to a waste of effort.
Dir: Kevin Smith et al
Stars: Seth Green, Harley Quinn Smith, Michael Gross, Lorenza Izzo
HOLLOW
2011
0
Four romantically entangled people spend time in a spooky part of Sussex where an old evil legend appears to be stirring.
Although this found-footage horror is very low budget it still lasts an hour and a half, much more than the material deserves - material that will be familiar to patrons of such films, but which also includes tangled relationship issues. Fairly average stuff.
Dir: Michael Axelgaard
Stars: Emily Plumtree, Sam Stockman, Matt Stokoe, Jessica Ellerby
HOLLOW MAN
2000
*
A man is made invisible but goes mad in the process.
Invisibility thriller that could and should have been a lot better, but after setting up a promising scenario doesn't go anywhere, literally or geographically. The special effects are a cinematic step forward though.
Dir: Paul Verhoeven
Stars: Elisabeth Shue, Kevin Bacon, Josh Brolin
HOLLOW TRIUMPH
1948
*
A criminal on the run assumes a new identity, but his problems only deepen.
Far-fetched thriller with effectively shadowy sequences and a punchy final twist. Also known by the somehow more memorable title The Scar.
Dir: Steve Sekely
Stars: Paul Henreid, Joan Bennett, Eduard Franz
THE HOLLY AND THE IVY
1952
*
At Christmas time, a family confront their parson father on issues they've kept buried for years.
Stagey but likeable adaptation of a popular play about a family gone mildly wrong, very well acted. The festive adornments make it a much more memorable picture than it otherwise would have been, and those adornments are indeed rather attractive.
Dir: George More O'Ferrall
Stars: Ralph Richardson, Celia Johnson, Margaret Leighton, Denholm Elliott, John Gegson
HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD
1976
*
A killer picks off cast members of a low budget movie.
B-movie spoof of some perceptiveness, but the low budget does show.
Dir: Allan Arkush, Joe Dante
Stars: Candice Rialson, Mary Woronov, Paul Bartel
HOLLYWOOD ENDING
2002
*
A filmmaker goes blind when he has to direct a film he has been hired for by his ex-wife.
Allen was pleased with this picture even if many critics and audiences weren't, but it's nice to spend time with, even if it's at least quarter of an hour too long (maybe the bits with the son could have been excised for starters?) - it'd have been so much sharper if shorter, something we can say about too many movies. Woody's persona carries it most - although his supporting cast is, as ever, excellent - even if his portrayal of a blind person is bizarre, looking away from the other person as they speak. Yes, it's unconvincing and a bit silly, but, hey, it's metaphorical and often very funny, offering a fair bit of self-satire too. Probably wisely, it's the last of his films in which young, gorgeous women lust after Allen.
Dir: Woody Allen
Stars: Woody Allen, Tea Leoni, Mark Rydell, Debra Messing, George Hamilton, Treat Williams
1934
0
An eccentric actor throws a chaotic party.
A bizarre mess intended to celebrate MGM's box office prowess, this short but tiring revue throws in Mickey Mouse, strange Disney cartoon The Hot Choc-Late Soldiers, Durante as a Tarzan-type character who later wrestles a lion and many song and dance numbers; Laurel and Hardy are probably the high point but even their routines are below par.
Dir: various
Stars: Jimmy Durante, Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, The Three Stooges, Lupe Velez
THE HOLLYWOOD REVUE OF 1929
1929
*
All-star revue featuring MGM stars.
Something of a shining light of its year, even getting a Best Picture Oscar nomination, this lengthy revue, while inevitably dated, features sequences that still have vim, such as the Lon Chaney and Singing In The Rain (sic) sections, and the Technicolor parts like the Romeo And Juliet sketch. There are even trick effects, including a tiny lady (Bessie Love) emerging from a jacket pocket. Very few people will bother setting aside a couple of hours for it nowadays, but it's a noteworthy historical document.
Dir: Charles Reisner
Stars: Jack Benny, Conrad Nagel, Joan Crawford, Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Buster Keaton
HOLMES & WATSON
2018
0
The duo attempt to thwart a plan to kill Queen Victoria.
Dreadful comedic take on Conan Doyle's creations which plays like a series of roughly thought out skits that are neither consistent with one another, nor funny. A waste of a good cast and a well recreated period setting, its gags are so weirdly lame it's remarkable the makers had the affront to release the film to theatres.
Dir: Etan Cohen
Stars: Will Ferrell, John C Reilly, Kelly Macdonald, Rebecca Hall, Ralph Fiennes
HOLOCAUST 2000
1977
0
The head of a nuclear power plant discovers his son is the anti-Christ.
Inane melding of The Omen and The China Syndrome.
Dir: Alberto De Martino
Stars: Kirk Douglas, Simon Ward, Anthony Quayle, Virginia McKenna
HOLY MOTORS
2012
0
A man travels around in his limo taking on the roles of different characters.
Insufferable and pretentious fantasy, a triumph of imagery over story - essentially, it doesn't really have one, and the result is 'floaty' drama that is either boring or mystifying. It inevitably brought out the pseuds in the critics.
Dir: Leos Carax
Stars: Denis Lavant, Edith Scob, Kylie Minogue, Eva Mendes
HOME ALONE
1990
**
An eight-year-old accidentally left at home while his parents are on holiday has to defend the house against a pair of incompetent burglars.
Knowingly crafted for mass audience consumption, this sentimental comedy works a treat and was a massive hit, projecting its young, wily star to fame and fortune.
Dir: Chris Columbus
Stars: Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern, John Heard, John Candy
HOME AT SEVEN
1952
*
A commuter returns home at the usual time one night... but his wife claims he spent the previous evening away, much to his befuddlement.
The premise is sparkling, and the explanation not bad, but this isn't really cinema, more a filmed stage play; it's probably also a bit 'home counties' for a modern audience, but the performances are solid and it keeps you watching.
Dir: Ralph Richardson
Stars: Ralph Richardson, Margaret Leighton, Jack Hawkins, Campbell Singer
HOME BEFORE MIDNIGHT
1979
0
A young man is charged with having sex with an under-age girl.
Interesting if unsuccessful attempt at a 'social' picture by the director, although thankfully not free of his exploitation touches or period emblems. It's quite likely that it already seemed a bit weird and dated when it first came out.
Dir: Pete Walker
Stars: James Aubrey, Alison Elliott, Mark Burns, Richard Todd, Debbie Linden
HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS
1972 (TV)
0
Four daughters visit their father at Christmas, and he claims he is being poisoned by his new wife.
The image used to promote this film - the character in the yellow raincoat with a pitchfork - is a splendid one, but the actual dramatics are a little less dynamic, and a bit soapy. Still, the bad weather makes for a brooding backdrop, and you want to find out how it turns out; it feels a little long getting there despite the short running time. The four really don’t seem like sisters!
Dir: John Llewellyn Moxey
Stars: Jessica Walter, Sally Field, Eleanor Parker, Walter Brennan
A HOME OF YOUR OWN
1965
*
Incidents and pratfalls on a building site.
Predictable but chuckleworthy short with plenty of familiar faces.
Dir: Jay Lewis
Stars: Ronnie Barker, Richard Briers, Peter Butterworth, Bernard Cribbins, Janet Brown, Bill Fraser
HOME SWEET HOME
1981
0
An escaped mental patient spoils a Thanksgiving party.
Unintentionally (?) hilarious slasher picture that's a truly hysterical experience, providing you can stay awake; the victims' ambling goes on for ages, the killer is devoid of motivation or speech, and the murders, when they finally happen, are so much in the dark you can barely see what's going on. The shame is that some of the characters are a bit quirky and kooky, but sadly they're given no decent dialogue to deliver.
Dir: Nettie Pena
Stars: Jake Steinfeld, Vinessa Shaw, Peter De Paula
THE HOME WRECKER
1923
0
An ex-soldier causes chaos on a building site.
Basic short in which Laurel and Finlayson demonstrate some flashes of comic skill atop a half-built house.
Dir: George Jeske, Hal Roach
Stars: Stan Laurel, James Finlayson
HOMICIDAL
1961
*
A strange blonde murders to gain an inheritance.
Cheap and cheeky shocker inspired by Psycho; what it lacks in technique it makes up for in audacity - there is a 'fright break' near the end when scared patrons can leave. The first 20 minutes are compelling, with a very surprising murder, but after that it loses shape somewhat and a lot of us can guess the twist well before it arrives (in part because of the dubbing of a particular character).
Dir: William Castle
Stars: Glenn Corbett, Patricia Breslin, Jean Arless, Eugenie Leontovich
HONEST
2000
0
In 1960s London, three glamorous girls get involved in organised crime.
Limp, floppy crime caper, a vehicle for three attractive non-actresses that doesn't have the saving grace of a swinging '60s London atmosphere.
Dir: David A Stewart
Stars: Nicole Appleton, Natalie Appleton, Corin Redgrave, Melanie Blatt
HONEY, I SHRUNK THE KIDS
1989
**
An eccentric scientist accidentally shrinks his children.
A recognisable idea given a fresh look, this popular Disney production works well despite the occasional dip in the narrative's strength.
Dir: Joe Johnston
Stars: Rick Moranis, Matt Frewer, Marcia Strassman
HONEYMOON HORROR
1983
0
Newlyweds are menaced by a lunatic.
Astonishingly inept and paltry shocker.
Dir: Harry Preston
Stars: Bob Wagner, Cheryl Black
THE HONEYMOON KILLERS
1969
0
A pair of lonely hearts come together and plot to murder young women and take their money.
Understated shocker which may have attracted praise because it wasn't the truly terrible film that might have been expected. Sympathy is thin on the ground.
Dir: Leonard Kastle
Stars: Shirley Stoler, Tony Lo Bianco, Doris Roberts
HONKY TONK FREEWAY
1982
*
A town is painted pink to attract tourists, but attracts the wrong sort.
A collection of various incidents and characters with nary a plot in sight, but some of it is quite funny in a coarse, obvious sort of way.
Dir: John Schlesinger
Stars: Beau Bridges, Teri Garr, Beverly D'Angelo, Hume Cronyn
HONKYTONK MAN
1982
*
A boy journeys with his uncle to avoid becoming a cotton picker.
Easygoing road movie with some pleasures on the way.
Dir: Clint Eastwood
Stars: Clint Eastwood, Kyle Eastwood, John McIntire
THE HONORARY CONSUL
1983
0
A doctor is asked to help kidnap a diplomat.
Uninspired filming of Graham Greene, a bore to sit through.
Dir: John Mackenzie
Stars: Michael Caine, Richard Gere, Bob Hoskins
HOOK
1991
0
When Captain Hook kidnaps his children, an adult Peter Pan must journey to Neverland to rescue them.
Spielberg at his sentimental worst, this is sickly, garbled, studio-confined, overlong, cluttered sludge for under-tens.
Dir: Steven Spielberg
Stars: Robin Williams, Dustin Hoffman, Julia Roberts, Bob Hoskins, Maggie Smith
HOOP DREAMS
1994
**
Documentary about two Chicago teenagers who aim to become NBA stars.
An acclaimed film that really gets under the fingernails of black America, this lengthy, years-spanning production offers insights into both the sport and the lives of urban ethnics: hence it might mean more to stateside viewers than, say, British viewers. Nevertheless, it is measured, balanced and sympathetic, and speaks to the innate desire to succeed that is inside most of us. Perhaps it seems a little strange to us UK viewers that the kids' basketball career is so intrinsically tied up with their education.
Dir: Steve James
1929
*
Stan and Ollie cause chaos at a prison labour camp.
Brittle short with nice ideas uncertainly handled, like the climactic rice fight, which echoes The Battle Of The Century.
Dir: James Parrott
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Tiny Sandford, James Finlayson, Charlie Hall
HOPE AND GLORY
1987
**
A boy experiences the Blitz in his suburban London neighbourhood.
The director's most personal film will also chime with those who went through similar experiences (although they are, obviously, diminishing by the year), and it is extremely well mounted, capturing the time and place proficiently. Never interested in commenting on anything beyond the family's experiences, it loses something when it heads to the countryside - and some of the characters' behaviour is a little irritating - but it is by and large a consistent and inviting picture. A few of the performances are so broad they're almost pantomime.
Dir: John Boorman
Stars: Sebastian Rice Edwards, Sarah Miles, David Hayman, Sammi Davis, Ian Bannen
HORNS
2013
0
A youth suspected of his girlfriend's murder mysteriously grows a pair of horns.
All-over-the-place fantasy, around half an hour too long, with bizarre changes of tone; the shame is that it starts with great, blackly comic promise, as the town's residents confess their innermost feelings to the newly horned Ig. Harry Potter is constantly angry in it, swears a lot and puts on an American accent.
Dir: Alexandre Aja
Stars: Daniel Radcliffe, Juno Temple, Max Minghella, Joe Anderson
THE HORRIBLE DR HICHCOCK
1962
0
A mad doctor plans to use the blood of his new wife to bring his old wife back to life.
Slow moving, mild shocker with a vaguely endearing sense of bizarre gothic style.
Dir: Riccardo Freda
Stars: Barbara Steele, Robert Flemyng
THE HORROR AT 37,000 FEET
1973 (TV)
0
An invisible demon brings death and destruction to a long-haul flight.
Inane rubbish with sub-standard production.
Dir: David Lowell Rich
Stars: William Shatner, Chuck Connors, Buddy Ebsen
HORROR CASTLE
1963
0
A woman makes some unpleasant discoveries in her new abode.
Further proof that the Italians can't do gothic horror nearly as well as the British; this paper-thin yarn is poorly paced and largely consists of the leading lady wandering around a castle, occasionally discovering something, while the soundtrack gets way too excited. It picks up towards the end with its Nazi twist, when a character who looks like a cross between the Red Skull and Voldemort turns up, but it's much too late.
Dir: Antonio Margheriti
Stars: Rossana Podesta, Georges Riviere, Christopher Lee
HORROR EXPRESS
1972
*
In 1906 China, an anthropologist unwittingly unleashes a monster on the Trans-Siberian Express.
You can never go totally wrong on films set on trains, and this is a mad sci-fi horror with some novel ideas (the creature who can accumulate intelligence and see the dinosaurs; the last image left in the blood in the eye) and plenty of grisly images (usually involving eyes - bloated, white eyes with blood around them). The cast ain't bad, it's pretty busy and the sets and locations are handsome.
Dir: Eugenio Martin
Stars: Christopher Lee, Peter Cushing, Telly Savalas, Alberto de Mendoza
HORROR HOSPITAL
1973
*
A pop star in search of convalescence stays at a rural hospital where the head doctor plans to take over the world.
This batty British horror has some juicy imagery and eccentric ideas but is rather shoddily made, with several scenes outstaying their welcome (how many times must we endure fights involving the motorcycle goons!) and a general feeling of coming up a little short; it's uncertain whether it knows just how ridiculous it is. Some might prefer to look at photographs of the movie rather than watch it.
Dir: Antony Balch
Stars: Michael Gough, Robin Askwith, Vanessa Shaw, Dennis Price, Skip Martin
THE HORROR NETWORK VOL 1
2015
0
Five stories: 3.00 AM, Edward, The Quiet, Merry Little Christmas, The Deviant One.
Both painfully extreme and extremely painful to watch, this is a dire horror anthology that's semi-professional at best. Story one doesn't realise that loud, disturbing noises alone do not a spooky film make; two is a tedious talk piece; three is wearisomely stretched out; four is vile and impenetrable; five is even less bearable. Please: no volume two.
Dir: various
Stars: Nick Frangione, Brian Dorton, Charlotte Armstrong
THE HORROR OF FRANKENSTEIN
1970
0
Dr Frankenstein builds a creature from body parts that turns into a menace.
A very familiar tale bolstered by Bates's consistent performance but weakened by the unambitious, verbose script and low production values; there are odd moments of humour and horror-wise it's compromised by Prowse's silly looking monster.
Dir: Jimmy Sangster
Stars: Ralph Bates, Kate O'Mara, Veronica Carlson, Dennis Price, David Prowse, Jon Finch
THE HORROR OF IT ALL
1964
0
An American salesman visits the strange family home of his British girlfriend.
Laughless horror comedy with a bizarre double twist ending; a curiously flat effort from a usually reliable Hammer director.
Dir: Terence Fisher
Stars: Pat Boone, Erica Richards, Dennis Price, Valentine Dyall
HORRORS OF THE BLACK MUSEUM
1959
*
A crime writer knows more about a series of gruesome murders than he is letting on.
It may be flatly directed, stiffly acted and totally absurd, but this colourful shocker is reasonably fun at times, although its most shocking moment comes right at the start, with the binoculars; after that there's a lot of inert chatter. It's remarkable how Gough used to switch between such deliciously OTT performances in schlocky horror and fine, composed performances in respectable productions.
Dir: Arthur Crabtree
Stars: Michael Gough, Graham Gurnow, Shirley Anne Field, Geoffrey Keen
HORSE FEATHERS
1932
**
The Marx Brothers go to college.
Scatty Marx feature with a fair quota of memorable lines, but almost too stupid to be sympathetically funny.
Dir: Norman Z McLeod
Stars: Groucho Marx, Harpo Marx, Chico Marx, Zeppo Marx, Thelma Todd
THE HORSE WITHOUT A HEAD
1963
**
Crooks try to retrieve stolen loot hidden in a toy horse, but youngsters get in their way.
Cleverly plotted children's adventure which doesn't patronise its audience and varies its action.
Dir: Don Chaffey
Stars: Herbert Lom, Leo McKern, Pamela Franklin, Peter Butterworth, Peter Vaughan
HORTON HEARS A WHO!
2008
**
A kindly elephant helps out the people of a world that inhabits a tiny speck in his world.
One of the better Dr Seuss adaptations, this witty and proficient cartoon serves up succinct entertainment for both children and adults, partly due to a story that comfortably works on two levels.
Dir: Jimmy Hayward, Steve Martino
Voices: Jim Carrey, Steve Carell, Carol Burnett, Will Arnett, Seth Rogen
HOSTEL
2006
**
A pair of young American tourists touring Eastern Europe encounter death, torture and misery at a bizarre establishment near their hostel.
Highly effective extreme horror, a real one for the boys, it successfully creates a feeling of hopelessness and terror in an isolated foreign setting, and is now credited with ushering the sub genre of ‘torture porn’. Viewed some years later, it remains a pretty compelling, simple thriller, but if you watch the behind the scenes featurettes it slightly lessens its effectiveness - not surprisingly, perhaps.
Dir: Eli Roth
Stars: Jay Hernandez, Derek Richardson, Eythor Gudjonsson
HOSTEL PART II
2007
**
Female American back-packers are lured to the ghastly torture dungeons of Eastern Europe.
A sequel which attempts to do things a little differently, with mixed results. The story is opened up and varied, not just settling for a chased/caught/killed theme, but the film doesn't quite have the zip or clarity of the first one. Still, there are some memorably disturbing sequences, most notably the Elizabeth Bathory one, and it can't be accused of blandness or compromise.
Dir: Eli Roth
Stars: Lauren German, Rogert Bart, Heather Matarazzo, Bijou Phillips, Edwige Fenech
HOSTEL PART III
2011 (V)
0
A pre-wedding party in Las Vegas turns into something pretty horrible.
By far the weakest of the three, this straight-to-video effort lacks the grit and vigour of its predecessors, and much else besides; about the only thing that can be said in the script's favour is that it has a nicely done opening scene.
Dir: Scott Spiegel
Stars: Kip Pardue, Brian Hallisay, John Hensley
HOT CHILI
1986
0
American teenagers seek sun and sex at a Mexican resort.
Mindless, frothy teenage comedy with enough tits ‘n’ bums to please its intended audience.
Dir: William Sachs
Stars: Allan Kayser, Joe Rubbo
HOT DOG… THE MOVIE
1984
0
A skiing champion is distracted from the sport by various beautiful women.
Feeble Porky's-type comedy with underdeveloped characters, not redeemed by a few exhilarating ski sequences.
Dir: Peter Markle
Stars: David Naughton, Patrick Houser, Shannon Tweed
HOT DOGS ON IBIZA
1979
0
Holidaymakers enjoy the Spanish island.
Plotless, moronic drivel much worse than the worst Carry On film, irredeemable in every way.
Dir: Max Pecas
Stars: Marco Perrin, Sylvain Chamarande, Andrea Schmidt
HOT FUZZ
2007
*
A top London police officer is assigned to a sleepy Gloucestershire village where he comes across murders passed off as accidents.
Droll, knowing comedy that's like a potpourri of cinematic influences; mainly agreeable despite an unpleasant streak.
Dir: Edgar Wright
Stars: Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Timothy Dalton, Jim Broadbent, Paddy Considine, Bill Nighy, Edward Woodward, Billie Whitelaw, Bill Bailey, Martin Freeman, Steve Coogan
HOT MOVES
1985
0
Four Californian teenage boys attempt to lose their virginity before summer's out.
As typical a 1980s teen sex comedy as there could be, not the worst, but certainly not among the best: slickness or subtlety isn't in its vocabulary and while there are a few smiles and some sexiness - the nude beach scene is something else - it's generally of lowish quality.
Dir: Jim Sotos
Stars: Michael Zorek, Adam Silbar, Jeff Fishman, Johnny Timko
THE HOT ROCK
1972
***
A group of professional thieves steal a valuable diamond from a museum but have problems holding on to it.
Highly accomplished caper comedy that's very well played by a good cast and vividly shot on location - but it's the clever script, with the ever-mounting mishaps, that is its real special sauce. Solid movie entertainment; it's deservedly gained more plaudits in the passing years.
Dir: Peter Yates
Stars: Robert Redford, George Segal, Ron Leibman, Paul Sand, Zero Mostel
HOT SHOTS!
1991
*
An unbalanced pilot must save a mission sabotaged by devious weapons manufacturers.
Top Gun is the source of this rapid-fire spoof which is little different from the likes of Airplane and The Naked Gun; it provides a few giggles.
Dir: Jim Abrahams
Stars: Charlie Sheen, Lloyd Bridges, Cary Elwes, Jon Cryer
HOT SHOTS! PART DEUX
1993
0
A rescue mission to Iraq is undertaken.
Mostly dismally unfunny spoof of Rambo and many other better films, with the majority of gags falling flat. It's remarkable how these sub-Airplane spoofs are either hilarious (Top Secret, Naked Gun) or utterly awful (this, Airplane 2, Dracula: Dead And Loving It).
Dir: Jim Abrahams
Stars: Charlie Sheen, Lloyd Bridges, Valeria Golino, Richard Crenna
HOT TUB TIME MACHINE 2
2015
0
Three men travel forward in time to stop an event in the past happening.
Relentlessly obnoxious and pitifully witless comedy that should be avoided like electrocution.
Dir: Steve Pink
Stars: Rob Corddry, Craig Robinson, Clark Duke, Adam Scott
HOT WATER
1924
*
Harold has problems with his wife, a turkey and his mother-in-law.
Overstretched but amusing Lloyd comedy effectively in three parts.
Dir: Fred C Newmeyer, Sam Taylor
Stars: Harold Lloyd, Jobyna Ralston
HOTEL RWANDA
2004
*
In war-torn Rwanda, a hotel manager houses scores of refugees.
Serious, worthy drama which runs at panic pitch for the majority of its running time.
Dir: Terry George
Stars: Don Cheadle, Sophie Okonedo, Nick Nolte
H.O.T.S.
1979
0
Disgruntled female students set up a rebellious sorority house.
Goofy, asinine and ham-fisted teen comedy, terrible scene-for-scene and poorly structured, even for this genre. The final strip football game is the one semi-redeeming feature.
Dir: Gerald Seth Sindell
Stars: Susan Kiger, Lisa London, Pamela Jean Bryant
HOUDINI
1953
*
The life of the escapologist and movie star.
Fictionalised biopic with the emphasis on romance, but some of the on-stage trickery is almost as engrossing as the real thing must have been.
Dir: George Marshall
Stars: Tony Curtis, Janet Leigh, Torin Thatcher
THE HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES
1931
*
Sherlock Holmes investigates a family curse.
The first sound version of this story was once thought lost but was thankfully recovered, although it can now only be viewed at the BFI Mediatheque on London's South Bank. It's a decent, industrious adaptation, unsophisticated but plucky, with a script by Edgar Wallace (who writes some good dialogue and makes a few changes to the story - Holmes doesn't dress up in this one, for instance) and the odd performance redolent of the silent era. It also features plenty of outdoor shooting, and a hound played by Champion Egmund of Send. Definitely worth catching for Holmes acolytes.
Dir: Gareth Gundrey
Stars: Robert Rendel, Frederick Lloyd, John Stuart, Heather Angel
THE HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES
1939
**
Sherlock Holmes heads to Dartmoor to investigate a huge dog that may be a threat to a young heir of a grand estate.
The first of the magisterial Basil Rathbone's 14 films as the great detective is a juicy adaptation of the Holmes story that became the most adapted for the screen, a super-foggy, well-constructed mystery with various shifty characters milling in and out, and one of the most remarkable final lines in movie history (surely many in the audience didn't understand it?). This and its follow-up, Adventures Of (qv), both made by Twentieth Century Fox, are markedly more expensive-looking than the subsequent 12 made by Universal; but all the Rathbone-Bruce movies will be returned to by viewers long into the future.
Dir: Sidney Lanfield
Stars: Basil Rathbone, Nigel Bruce, Richard Greene, Lionel Atwill, Wendy Barrie, John Carradine
THE HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES
1972 (TV)
0
It's curious that this book has been made into so many features when it's not even among the best Sherlock Holmes stories (and the one he appears in least), especially when the results are as they are here - desperately ropey, the worst filming by far.
Dir: Barry Crane
Stars: Stewart Granger, Bernard Fox, William Shatner, Sally Ann Howes
THE HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES
1977
0
Misfiring spoof with unlikeable leads but a good supporting cast. A peeing Chihuahua provides the longest laugh.
Dir: Paul Morrissey
Stars: Peter Cook, Dudley Moore, Denholm Elliott, Joan Greenwood, Hugh Griffith, Irene Handl, Terry-Thomas, Max Wall, Kenneth Williams, Roy Kinnear
THE HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES
1983 (TV)
0
Plodding and padded version with miscast leads.
Dir: Douglas Hickox
Stars: Ian Richardson, Donald Churchill, Denholm Elliott, Glynis Barber, Brian Blessed, Eleanor Bron, Edward Judd, Ronald Lacey, Connie Booth
THE HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES
2000 (TV)
0
Over-bright, corner-cutting adaptation that suffers from an over-the-top, weird Holmes (here around even less than ever) and typical TV inadequacies, including a Sir Henry Baskerville more suited to modern-day California and a hound that appears to be wearing red contact lenses.
Dir: Rodney Gibbons
Stars: Matt Frewer, Kenneth Welsh, Jason London
THE HOURS
2002
**
Three women, including writer Virginia Woolf, have troubled lives in three different time periods.
Intelligent, demanding drama from a pretentious director and writer, a tale of depression, suicide and lesbianism that keeps you watching despite its sometimes irritating convulsions.
Dir: Stephen Daldry
Stars: Julianne Moore, Meryl Streep, Nicole Kidman, Ed Harris, Toni Collette, Jeff Daniels
HOUSE
1986
0
An author and Vietnam vet moves into a house with an evil presence.
Silly horror with unsubtle comedy and a mistaken Vietnam subtext.
Dir: Steve Miner
Stars: William Katt, George Wendt, Richard Moll
HOUSE II: THE SECOND STORY
1987
0
The new owner of a malevolent house has to battle demons in search of an Aztec skull.
Even worse than its predecessor, the idea presumably being to make a much wilder movie, it just succeeds in being more childish than an episode of Scooby-Doo.
Dir: Ethan Wiley
Stars: Arye Gross, Jonathan Stark, John Ratzenberger
HOUSE III
1989
0
A detective is haunted by the killer he had executed.
Hot and bothered horror similar to Shocker (qv) with an ending that makes nonsense of the preceding events.
Dir: James Isaac
Stars: Lance Henriksen, Brion James, Dedee Pfeiffer
THE HOUSE BY THE CEMETERY
1981
0
A family move into a house with something nasty in the basement.
Untidy, weakly scripted shocker that suffered further abuse at the hands of the British censors. When finally released uncut in 2009, its incoherence and senselessness was still there to see, although there are a few juicy ‘solid horror’ moments, particularly near the end.
Dir: Lucio Fulci
Stars: Catriona MacColl, Paolo Malco, Ania Pieroni
THE HOUSE IN MARSH ROAD
1960
0
An adulterer plans to murder his wife for her house.
Tepid B-feature with unrealistic characters that plays like a squabbly domestic drama adorned with supernatural trimmings.
Dir: Montgomery Tully
Stars: Tony Wright, Patricia Dainton, Sandra Dorne, Derek Aylward
THE HOUSE IN NIGHTMARE PARK
1973
*
In 1907, a hammy actor encounters a murderous family in a remote country house.
The always likeable Howerd does his thing to mostly amusing effect in this old dark house comedy that manages a few genuinely creepy moments, including the adults' performance play and the veiled attacker - while an impressive cast performs adeptly. Not in any way scintillating, but diverting on a wet afternoon, except perhaps for those not enamoured with the star.
Dir: Peter Sykes
Stars: Frankie Howerd, Ray Milland, Hugh Burden, Kenneth Griffith
THE HOUSE IN THE SQUARE
1951
*
A man travels back in time 200 years and falls in love with someone he shouldn't.
Decent retread of Berkeley Square, still a little stagey, but with interesting ideas and dialogue: it would lend itself well to a modern remake.
Dir: Roy Ward Baker
Stars: Tyrone Power, Ann Blyth, Michael Rennie, Dennis Price
THE HOUSE IN THE WOODS
1959
*
A couple move into a remote country house owned by a man who may be a killer.
Rudimentary B-feature not without its charms, mainly period ones, although there are also some nice spooky moments - and Gough's always good value.
Dir: Maxwell Munden
Stars: Michael Gough, Patricia Roc, Ronald Howard
Stars: Basil Rathbone, Nigel Bruce, Richard Greene, Lionel Atwill, Wendy Barrie, John Carradine
THE HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES
1959
**
Released when Hammer were making horror films of everything except Cinderella (though that might have been fun), this was advertised with the emphasis on the terror, and was the first Holmes film in colour, and rich colour at that. The story is altered somewhat - some of which works, some not so much - and the impressive cast keep it going.
Dir: Terence Fisher
Stars: Peter Cushing, Andre Morell, Christopher Lee, Marla Landi, John Le Mesurier
THE HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES
1972 (TV)
0
It's curious that this book has been made into so many features when it's not even among the best Sherlock Holmes stories (and the one he appears in least), especially when the results are as they are here - desperately ropey, the worst filming by far.
Dir: Barry Crane
Stars: Stewart Granger, Bernard Fox, William Shatner, Sally Ann Howes
THE HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES
1977
0
Misfiring spoof with unlikeable leads but a good supporting cast. A peeing Chihuahua provides the longest laugh.
Dir: Paul Morrissey
Stars: Peter Cook, Dudley Moore, Denholm Elliott, Joan Greenwood, Hugh Griffith, Irene Handl, Terry-Thomas, Max Wall, Kenneth Williams, Roy Kinnear
THE HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES
1983 (TV)
0
Plodding and padded version with miscast leads.
Dir: Douglas Hickox
Stars: Ian Richardson, Donald Churchill, Denholm Elliott, Glynis Barber, Brian Blessed, Eleanor Bron, Edward Judd, Ronald Lacey, Connie Booth
THE HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES
2000 (TV)
0
Over-bright, corner-cutting adaptation that suffers from an over-the-top, weird Holmes (here around even less than ever) and typical TV inadequacies, including a Sir Henry Baskerville more suited to modern-day California and a hound that appears to be wearing red contact lenses.
Dir: Rodney Gibbons
Stars: Matt Frewer, Kenneth Welsh, Jason London
THE HOUR BEFORE THE DAWN
1944
*
In World War 2, a pacifist opts out of combat and unwittingly marries a woman who is a Nazi agent.
Lesser Somerset Maugham for sure, but it's still Maugham, so it's still worth the effort: admittedly the story is silly and not among his strongest, and nor is the acting, with the film company evidently not deeming it deserving of a top-line director, but it's an enjoyable, old-fashioned effort that pleasantly passes the time. That poor dog at the start!
Dir: Frank Tuttle
Stars: Veronica Lake, Franchot Tone, John Sutton
THE HOURS
2002
**
Three women, including writer Virginia Woolf, have troubled lives in three different time periods.
Intelligent, demanding drama from a pretentious director and writer, a tale of depression, suicide and lesbianism that keeps you watching despite its sometimes irritating convulsions.
Dir: Stephen Daldry
Stars: Julianne Moore, Meryl Streep, Nicole Kidman, Ed Harris, Toni Collette, Jeff Daniels
HOUSE
1986
0
An author and Vietnam vet moves into a house with an evil presence.
Silly horror with unsubtle comedy and a mistaken Vietnam subtext.
Dir: Steve Miner
Stars: William Katt, George Wendt, Richard Moll
HOUSE II: THE SECOND STORY
1987
0
The new owner of a malevolent house has to battle demons in search of an Aztec skull.
Even worse than its predecessor, the idea presumably being to make a much wilder movie, it just succeeds in being more childish than an episode of Scooby-Doo.
Dir: Ethan Wiley
Stars: Arye Gross, Jonathan Stark, John Ratzenberger
HOUSE III
1989
0
A detective is haunted by the killer he had executed.
Hot and bothered horror similar to Shocker (qv) with an ending that makes nonsense of the preceding events.
Dir: James Isaac
Stars: Lance Henriksen, Brion James, Dedee Pfeiffer
THE HOUSE BY THE CEMETERY
1981
0
A family move into a house with something nasty in the basement.
Untidy, weakly scripted shocker that suffered further abuse at the hands of the British censors. When finally released uncut in 2009, its incoherence and senselessness was still there to see, although there are a few juicy ‘solid horror’ moments, particularly near the end.
Dir: Lucio Fulci
Stars: Catriona MacColl, Paolo Malco, Ania Pieroni
THE HOUSE IN MARSH ROAD
1960
0
An adulterer plans to murder his wife for her house.
Tepid B-feature with unrealistic characters that plays like a squabbly domestic drama adorned with supernatural trimmings.
Dir: Montgomery Tully
Stars: Tony Wright, Patricia Dainton, Sandra Dorne, Derek Aylward
THE HOUSE IN NIGHTMARE PARK
1973
*
In 1907, a hammy actor encounters a murderous family in a remote country house.
The always likeable Howerd does his thing to mostly amusing effect in this old dark house comedy that manages a few genuinely creepy moments, including the adults' performance play and the veiled attacker - while an impressive cast performs adeptly. Not in any way scintillating, but diverting on a wet afternoon, except perhaps for those not enamoured with the star.
Dir: Peter Sykes
Stars: Frankie Howerd, Ray Milland, Hugh Burden, Kenneth Griffith
THE HOUSE IN THE SQUARE
1951
*
A man travels back in time 200 years and falls in love with someone he shouldn't.
Decent retread of Berkeley Square, still a little stagey, but with interesting ideas and dialogue: it would lend itself well to a modern remake.
Dir: Roy Ward Baker
Stars: Tyrone Power, Ann Blyth, Michael Rennie, Dennis Price
THE HOUSE IN THE WOODS
1959
*
A couple move into a remote country house owned by a man who may be a killer.
Rudimentary B-feature not without its charms, mainly period ones, although there are also some nice spooky moments - and Gough's always good value.
Dir: Maxwell Munden
Stars: Michael Gough, Patricia Roc, Ronald Howard
THE HOUSE IS BLACK
1963
**
Documentary about an Iranian leper colony.
A lyrical 20-minute film that manages to find a light in darkness - the darkness is terrible disease, and perhaps the light is the winsome faces of the boys in the class (and that it's curable). It's bleak, but not entirely bleak, ending with lilting poetry.
Dir: Forugh FarrokhzadHOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES
2003
0
Teenagers come a cropper when they meet a family of deranged killers.
A Texas Chainsaw Massacre for the Marilyn Manson generation, this is a truly sick movie, but one with moments of spry imagination.
Dir: Rob Zombie
Stars: Sid Haig, Bill Moseley, Karen Black
HOUSE OF A THOUSAND DOLLS
1967
0
A magician's act is the cover to spirit women into the white slave trade.
Low brow melodrama that probably would have been a good deal sleazier if made a couple of years later: it has a certain ripeness, if not campness, but too much flab - some chases and fights go on interminably - and would be worse still without Vincent, who gives it a little class despite not being full throttle and not in it as much he should be. A digestible dollop of Euro-fudge that could have been a lot tastier.
Dir: Jeremy Summers
Stars: Vincent Price, Martha Hyer, George Nader, Maria Rohm
HOUSE OF DARKNESS
1948
0
At the turn of the century, a greedy young man is determined to get his hands on the family fortune.
Undramatic demi-horror with few surprises apart from its bizarre orchestral bookends; the first of many vexing performances from Harvey.
Dir: Oswald Mitchell
Stars: Laurence Harvey, Lesley Brook, John Stuart
HOUSE OF DRACULA
1945
*
Dracula and the Wolf Man ask a doctor to cure them, and soon Frankenstein's monster is in on the fun too.
For the last of their monster movies, Universal threw in everything including the mad scientist's sink, the result essentially being a regurgitation of bits from many of their previous horrors; quite fun to watch but a long way in quality from the characters' original films, most of which were classics.
Dir: Erle C Kenton
Stars: Lon Chaney Jr, John Carradine, Martha O'Driscoll, Lionel Atwill, Onslow Stevens
HOUSE OF EVIL
1968
0
Relatives of a recently deceased man gather at his house for the reading of the will.
Murky horror, one of Karloff's final, Mexican, films - that they all ended up with multiple titles and were unreleased for years says it all. There's a certain fascination for fans in catching up with and logging the movies, but no one else will be in the slightest bit bothered.
Dir: Jack Hill, Juan Ibanez
Stars: Boris Karloff, Julissa, Andres Garcia
THE HOUSE OF FEAR
1945
**
Sherlock Holmes investigates a series of deaths where the victim is first sent some orange pips.
Rathbone's Holmes and Bruce's Watson (and Hoey's Lestrade) in an Old Dark House adventure, based on a Conan Doyle story and owing something to Agatha Christie... with these ingredients it was never going to be a write-off. Indeed, it's good stuff for fans of this series, and for those who aren't, well, it's just 70 minutes long.
2003
0
Teenagers come a cropper when they meet a family of deranged killers.
A Texas Chainsaw Massacre for the Marilyn Manson generation, this is a truly sick movie, but one with moments of spry imagination.
Dir: Rob Zombie
Stars: Sid Haig, Bill Moseley, Karen Black
HOUSE OF A THOUSAND DOLLS
1967
0
A magician's act is the cover to spirit women into the white slave trade.
Low brow melodrama that probably would have been a good deal sleazier if made a couple of years later: it has a certain ripeness, if not campness, but too much flab - some chases and fights go on interminably - and would be worse still without Vincent, who gives it a little class despite not being full throttle and not in it as much he should be. A digestible dollop of Euro-fudge that could have been a lot tastier.
Dir: Jeremy Summers
Stars: Vincent Price, Martha Hyer, George Nader, Maria Rohm
HOUSE OF DARKNESS
1948
0
At the turn of the century, a greedy young man is determined to get his hands on the family fortune.
Undramatic demi-horror with few surprises apart from its bizarre orchestral bookends; the first of many vexing performances from Harvey.
Dir: Oswald Mitchell
Stars: Laurence Harvey, Lesley Brook, John Stuart
HOUSE OF DRACULA
1945
*
Dracula and the Wolf Man ask a doctor to cure them, and soon Frankenstein's monster is in on the fun too.
For the last of their monster movies, Universal threw in everything including the mad scientist's sink, the result essentially being a regurgitation of bits from many of their previous horrors; quite fun to watch but a long way in quality from the characters' original films, most of which were classics.
Dir: Erle C Kenton
Stars: Lon Chaney Jr, John Carradine, Martha O'Driscoll, Lionel Atwill, Onslow Stevens
HOUSE OF EVIL
1968
0
Relatives of a recently deceased man gather at his house for the reading of the will.
Murky horror, one of Karloff's final, Mexican, films - that they all ended up with multiple titles and were unreleased for years says it all. There's a certain fascination for fans in catching up with and logging the movies, but no one else will be in the slightest bit bothered.
Dir: Jack Hill, Juan Ibanez
Stars: Boris Karloff, Julissa, Andres Garcia
THE HOUSE OF FEAR
1945
**
Sherlock Holmes investigates a series of deaths where the victim is first sent some orange pips.
Rathbone's Holmes and Bruce's Watson (and Hoey's Lestrade) in an Old Dark House adventure, based on a Conan Doyle story and owing something to Agatha Christie... with these ingredients it was never going to be a write-off. Indeed, it's good stuff for fans of this series, and for those who aren't, well, it's just 70 minutes long.
Dir: Roy William Neill
Stars: Basil Rathbone, Nigel Bruce, Aubrey Mather, Dennis Hoey
HOUSE OF FRANKENSTEIN
1944
*
A mad doctor revives Dracula, the Wolf Man and Frankenstein's monster to help destroy his enemies.
Effectively two different stories, this sequel to Frankenstein Meets The Wolf Man has plenty to recommend it in the way of casting even if the plot is campy schlock.
Dir: Erle C Kenton
Stars: Boris Karloff, J Carrol Naish, Lon Chaney Jr, John Carradine, Anne Gwynne, Lionel Atwill, George Zucco
HOUSE OF GAMES
1987
***
A female doctor is drawn into a web of deceit and intrigue after meeting a top class con man.
A con man's trade oft makes for riveting viewing and this ingenious and absorbing (if tall) thriller is no exception.
Dir: David Mamet
Stars: Lindsay Crouse, Joe Mantegna, Mike Nussbaum, Lilia Skala
HOUSE OF MORTAL SIN
1975
**
A young woman confesses to a priest who is actually a blackmailer and a killer.
Stars: Basil Rathbone, Nigel Bruce, Aubrey Mather, Dennis Hoey
HOUSE OF FRANKENSTEIN
1944
*
A mad doctor revives Dracula, the Wolf Man and Frankenstein's monster to help destroy his enemies.
Effectively two different stories, this sequel to Frankenstein Meets The Wolf Man has plenty to recommend it in the way of casting even if the plot is campy schlock.
Dir: Erle C Kenton
Stars: Boris Karloff, J Carrol Naish, Lon Chaney Jr, John Carradine, Anne Gwynne, Lionel Atwill, George Zucco
HOUSE OF GAMES
1987
***
A female doctor is drawn into a web of deceit and intrigue after meeting a top class con man.
A con man's trade oft makes for riveting viewing and this ingenious and absorbing (if tall) thriller is no exception.
Dir: David Mamet
Stars: Lindsay Crouse, Joe Mantegna, Mike Nussbaum, Lilia Skala
HOUSE OF MORTAL SIN
1975
**
A young woman confesses to a priest who is actually a blackmailer and a killer.
Could this be Walker's finest hour? It's up there with his best, even if it lacks some of the more accessible horror antics of Frightmare and House Of Whipcord, being a denser and more serious work: in fact, what it does awfully well is strap some familiar horror/thriller tropes - the woman no one will believe whose world is closing in, the mad killer, the dark and scary house in the thunderstorm etc - to a strong attack on the Catholic Church (probably not undeserved); some might say the use of the ceremonial censer and the communion wafer as killing objects is unsubtle, but many won't even make the connection. The director controls his material with an assured hand and the many excellent actors put in highly characterful performances; maybe it could have been ten minutes shorter, but how refreshing to see a scary movie about something.
Dir: Pete Walker
Stars: Anthony Sharp, Susan Penhaligon, Stephanie Beacham, Sheila Keith, Norman Eshley
HOUSE OF MYSTERY
1961
0
A couple considering buying a house hear tales of its terrible past.
Mild B-feature whose dramatic thrust is rather weakened by having flashbacks within flashbacks. There's an effective final scare but mostly it's bogged down [and padded out by] hilarious trivialities and curious absurdities that are especially evident to a modern audience.
Dir: Vernon Sewell
Stars: Peter Dyneley, Jane Hylton, Nanette Newman, Colin Gordon
THE HOUSE OF ROTHSCHILD
1934
**
How during the Napoleonic wars the Jewish banking family managed to become even more rich and powerful than before.
A quite sprightly history lesson, at easily digestible length; proof that films about finance don't have to be dry - in fact, it offers solid evidence that money has a great power to do good. The final sequence holds a surprise (it's in Technicolor).
Dir: Alfred Werker
Stars: George Arliss, Loretta Young, Boris Karloff, Robert Young, C Aubrey Smith
THE HOUSE OF SEVEN CORPSES
1973
0
The makers of a film get more than they'd bargained for when they shoot in a house where several murders were committed.
Incompetent low budget clinker; it's amazing that they could actually afford as many as seven corpses.
Dir: Paul Harrison
Stars: John Ireland, Faith Domergue, John Carradine
Dir: Pete Walker
Stars: Anthony Sharp, Susan Penhaligon, Stephanie Beacham, Sheila Keith, Norman Eshley
HOUSE OF MYSTERY
1961
0
A couple considering buying a house hear tales of its terrible past.
Mild B-feature whose dramatic thrust is rather weakened by having flashbacks within flashbacks. There's an effective final scare but mostly it's bogged down [and padded out by] hilarious trivialities and curious absurdities that are especially evident to a modern audience.
Dir: Vernon Sewell
Stars: Peter Dyneley, Jane Hylton, Nanette Newman, Colin Gordon
THE HOUSE OF ROTHSCHILD
1934
**
How during the Napoleonic wars the Jewish banking family managed to become even more rich and powerful than before.
A quite sprightly history lesson, at easily digestible length; proof that films about finance don't have to be dry - in fact, it offers solid evidence that money has a great power to do good. The final sequence holds a surprise (it's in Technicolor).
Dir: Alfred Werker
Stars: George Arliss, Loretta Young, Boris Karloff, Robert Young, C Aubrey Smith
THE HOUSE OF SEVEN CORPSES
1973
0
The makers of a film get more than they'd bargained for when they shoot in a house where several murders were committed.
Incompetent low budget clinker; it's amazing that they could actually afford as many as seven corpses.
Dir: Paul Harrison
Stars: John Ireland, Faith Domergue, John Carradine
HOUSE OF THE DAMNED
1974
0
A woman leaves a mental institution for home, but home might be even madder.
Deeply incompetent British/Spanish semi-horror which is befuddling from start to finish, mostly because it tries to be artsy and different. A real oddity seen by very few human beings.
Dir: Gonzalo Suarez
Stars: Donald Pleasence, Carmen Sevilla, Michael Dunn, Muriel Catala
THE HOUSE OF THE DEAD
1978
0
A mortician tells a man four ghoulish tales.
Undistinguished horror anthology with the appearance of a TV movie. It's slow to start, then presents four simple morality tales: the first is decidedly small-scale; the second a novel premise that doesn't go anywhere; the third has some cleverness but not much horror; the fourth offers a few effective moments. But dull handling means it doesn't thrill.
Dir: Sharron Miller
Stars: John Ericson, Ivor Francis, Judith Novgrod
HOUSE OF THE GORGON
2019
0
An ancient horror is unleashed.
Appalling rubbish very fortunate to get a showing on British television thanks to its star, Munro, presenting it on Talking Pictures TV's Cellar Club. Dire, amateurish stuff.
Dir: Joshua Kennedy
Stars: Caroline Munro, Martine Beswick, Veronica Carlson, Christopher Neame
HOUSE OF THE LONG SHADOWS
1983
*
A novelist goes to a remote Welsh manor to write his masterpiece but is plagued by the strange inhabitants.
Restricted but mildly enjoyable spoof variation on an old theme which deserves some praise for bringing together three [and a half] masters of the genre - it certainly gives it more gravitas, which it needs, because the final twist makes so much of what has gone before totally ridiculous (it couldn't be more of a cheat). Not too surprisingly, the film flopped and this distinctive director, for whom this was an atypical project, was seen no more.
Dir: Pete Walker
Stars: Vincent Price, Christopher Lee, Peter Cushing, John Carradine, Desi Arnaz Jr, Sheila Keith, Louise English
THE HOUSE OF THE YELLOW CARPET
1983
0
A couple are menaced by a man who comes to their apartment.
A mildly intriguing idea not particularly well handled.
Dir: Carlo Lizzani
Stars: Erland Josephson, Beatrice Romand
HOUSE OF USHER
1989
0
A couple visit a mansion which appears to be cursed by madness.
Melodramatic Edgar Allan Poe full of hammy, over-the-top performances.
Dir: Alan Birkinshaw
Stars: Oliver Reed, Donald Pleasence, Romy Windsor
HOUSE OF WAX
1953
***
A mad sculptor opens a wax museum which features his victims encased in wax.
First class remake of Mystery Of The Wax Museum, thankfully free of tiresome sub-plots and powered by a juicy lead performance (Price's first major horror role). 3D and stereophonic sound must have only added to the original viewers' enjoyment.
Dir: Andre De Toth
Stars: Vincent Price, Frank Lovejoy, Phyllis Kirk
HOUSE OF WHIPCORD
1974
**
A young woman is imprisoned in an institute set up by those who feel sinners have been let off lightly by the country's judicial system.
Walker's then best film to date successfully melds his darkly satiric and angry criticism of the moral guardians of the country with a pungent women-in-prison thriller that is elevated by mostly excellent performances (with Sheila Keith a standout) and its well chosen locations, grimy places reeking with atmosphere that, in the case of the institution, highlight the desperation of the inmates. Just a tad too long, as some Walker films were, it's still an effective and efficient feature from the glory days of sleazy British horror cinema.
Dir: Pete Walker
Stars: Penny Irving, Sheila Keith, Patrick Barr, Ann Michelle, Barbara Markham, Ray Brooks
HOUSE ON BARE MOUNTAIN
1962
0
Sunbathing lovelies are plagued by Dracula, the Wolf Man and Frankenstein's monster.
Nudie cutie that's so bizarre and bad it's scary.
Dir: Lee Frost
Stars: Bob Cresse, Laine Carlin
HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL
1958
*
Five people are offered a fortune to spend the night in a haunted house.
Rickety fun - standard horror gimmickry with a predictable twist.
Dir: William Castle
Stars: Vincent Price, Carolyn Craig, Richard Long
THE HOUSE ON 92ND STREET
1945
***
A man becomes a double agent for the FBI in a Nazi spy ring.
Though now dated, this semi-documentary drama was a milestone in naturalistic filmmaking, and is still fairly engrossing.
Dir: Henry Hathaway
Stars: William Eythe, Lloyd Nolan, Gene Lockhart, Leo G Carroll
THE HOUSE ON SORORITY ROW
1982
0
After a prank goes wrong, girls at a sorority house are stalked by a killer.
Heady slasher flick with a dose of Les Diaboliques thrown in, not bad by this genre's standards - it engineers some moderately imaginative incidents and characters are slightly more fleshed out than usual. There are surreal interludes and flashes of style but it's still just a slasher film and it gets somewhat confusing by the end.
Dir: Mark Rosman
Stars: Kate McNeil, Eileen Davidson, Janis Zido, Robin Meloy
THE HOUSE ON THE EDGE OF THE PARK
1980
**
Two thugs torture and humiliate a group of people at a remote house.
One of the nastiest of the video nasties, this extreme shocker, with its uncompromising sexual violence and willing rape victims, could barely be more irksome to the BBFC. In itself, it’s not too badly done, with a few scenes that grab the viewer, and there’s a dominant performance from Hess (most of the rest of the cast aren’t up to much) but just be prepared for the stench of sleaze that hangs heavily over every scene.
Dir: Ruggero Deodato
Stars: David Hess, Annie Bell, Christian Borromeo
HOUSE ON THE ROCKS
1974
0
A young man has a relationship with his stepmother on her remote Aegean island.
Deadly dull puff of nothing with a nice, exotic setting but absolutely zero in the way of tension, depth or eroticism.
Dir: George Zervoulakos
Stars: Bente Børsum, Christo Spyropoulos, Andreas Barkoulis
THE HOUSE THAT DRIPPED BLOOD
1970
*
Four horrific tales: Method For Murder, Waxworks, Sweets To The Sweet and The Cloak.
Fairly mild Amicus anthology which goes downhill after a bright start - the third story is particularly stolid. Five shorter stories might have been a better idea.
Dir: Peter Duffell
Stars: Christopher Lee, Peter Cushing, Nyree Dawn Porter, Denholm Elliott, Jon Pertwee, Joss Ackland, Ingrid Pitt
THE HOUSE THAT MARY BOUGHT
1994 (TV)
0
A couple buy what may be a haunted house off the coast of Brittany.
Exceptionally dull chiller, all very demure and cultured; not a goer.
Dir: Simon MacCorkindale
Stars: Susan George, Ben Cross, Maurice Thorogood
THE HOUSE THAT WOULD NOT DIE
1970 (TV)
0
A woman and her niece moved into a haunted house in Amish country.
Horror much like many others, except with the Amish thrown in.
Dir: John Llewellyn Moxey
Stars: Barbara Stanwyck, Richard Egan, Michael Anderson Jr
THE HOUSE WHERE EVIL DWELLS
1982
0
A young couple experience ghosts in the Japanese house they move into.
Ridiculous horror, too funny to be scary (but is it meant to be funny?).
Dir: Kevin Connor
Stars: Edward Albert, Susan George, Doug McClure, Amy Barrett
HOW AWFUL ABOUT ALLAN
1970 (TV)
0
A young man whose father has died starts to hear strange voices.
Suspenser with a plot one could scribble down after watching the first five minutes, and on a beer mat at that. And with this being a TV movie, there's no glossy production to soup it up.
Dir: Curtis Harrington
Stars: Anthony Perkins, Julie Harris, Joan Hackett
HOW GREEN WAS MY VALLEY
1941
***
Life for a coal mining family in Wales at the turn of the century.
This really shouldn't work but somehow it does: the story is episodic, manipulative and soapy, several of the characters (eg the brothers) are totally underdeveloped and the setting is rural Wales as concocted in Hollywood. But it has a good heart and is from the old school of film-making when directors tried to please their audiences.
Dir: John Ford
Stars: Walter Pidgeon, Maureen O'Hara, Anna Lee, Donald Crisp, Roddy McDowall, John Loder
HOW I WON THE WAR
1966
0
In World War 2, a useless army officer leads his troops into dangerous situations.
When Lester's good, he's very good (A Hard Day's Night, The Knack, Superman II) and when he's bad, he's bloody awful (The Mouse On The Moon, The Bed Sitting Room and this); a jaded, self-indulgent black comedy ideal for alienating the audience.
Dir: Richard Lester
Stars: Michael Crawford, John Lennon, Roy Kinnear, Michael Hordern, Lee Montague
HOW SLEEP THE BRAVE
1981
0
A troop of US soldiers fight an unwinnable war against the Viet Cong.
A few years before Kubrick's Full Metal Jacket, almost-always-terrible director Shonteff (here working under yet another pseudonym) shot a Vietnam War movie in southern England and its worst sin is actually not its unauthentic location work, but its utter shapelessness, lack of narrative drive and absence of variety. Hilariously, it uses mournful classical music over battle scenes, in a similar way as Stone would on his overrated Platoon.
Dir: Lindsay Shonteff
Stars: Lawrence Day, Luis Manuel, Thomas M Pollard
HOW THE WEST WAS WON
1962
*
The story of how America became rich and prosperous in the nineteenth century despite many obstacles.
This epic isn't quite as long as you expect it to be, but in between the superb set pieces - like the buffalo stampede and the climactic train battle - it's pretty dull fare, perhaps especially for non-American viewers; it does, however, manage to retain some sort of 'special' feel, perhaps in part due to the starry cast. As it was shot in 'Cinerama' (a tri-projector process) viewing it on television can feel a little strange, what with the segmented imagery.
Dir: John Ford, Henry Hathaway, George Marshall
Narrator: Spencer Tracy. Stars: James Stewart, George Peppard, Lee J Cobb, Gregory Peck, Karl Malden, Richard Widmark, Henry Fonda, John Wayne, Debbie Reynolds, Eli Wallach
HOW TO GET AHEAD IN ADVERTISING
1987
0
An advertising executive develops a rather large and angry spot on his neck which turns into a second head.
Vicious satire on commercialism, all too weird; Guardian readers will appreciate it most.
Dir: Bruce Robinson
Stars: Richard E Grant, Rachel Ward, Richard Wilson, Jacqueline Tong
HOW TO LOSE FRIENDS & ALIENATE PEOPLE
2008
0
An English journalist moves to New York where he makes a fool of himself.
A prime example of how Hollywood can sometimes get it badly wrong, adapting a biting non-fiction book and reshaping it to fit the norms of a romantic comedy while adding crudity and slapstick; this also has the effect of producing a tonally all-over-the-place film. A grittier, less broad adaptation, with a less goofy leading performance, recreating Toby Young's blunter anecdotes, would have made a much more honest and therefore more compelling movie. Very disappointing, especially from a director who worked on Curb Your Enthusiasm.
Dir: Robert B Weide
Stars: Simon Pegg, Kirsten Dunst, Megan Fox, Jeff Bridges
HOW TO MAKE A MONSTER
1958
0
A vengeful make-up artist whose services are no longer required gets his revenge by committing murders using actors he has made up as monsters.
One appreciates the unusual, self-referential touches but after a short while this curio doesn't really go anywhere. Its eccentricities include the final eight minutes being in colour.
Dir: Herbert L Strock
Stars: Robert H Harris, Paul Brinegar, Gary Conway
HOW TO MARRY A MILLIONAIRE
1953
*
Three women set out to find themselves a rich husband.
Slightly tedious comedy allayed by its stars and some sharp wisecracks.
Dir: Jean Negulesco
Stars: Marilyn Monroe, Betty Grable, Lauren Bacall, David Wayne
HOW TO STEAL THE WORLD
1968
0
The Men from UNCLE try to counter a gas that destroys people's wills.
Limp spy adventure culled from TV, and the fourth season of a mediocre show at that.
Dir: Sutton Roley
Stars: Robert Vaughn, David McCallum, Leo G Carroll, Leslie Nielsen
HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON
2010
*
A young Viking who should be killing dragons ends up nurturing one.
Familiar but pretty well done animation that looks good, especially in the boisterous finale. Detractions include slightly irritating accents (the adults are Scottish, the kids are American) and a message of ‘love your enemy’ – which isn’t always the best of ideas.
Dir: Dean DeBlois, Chris Sanders
Voices: Jay Baruchel, Gerard Butler, Craig Ferguson, America Ferrera
HOW THE WEST WAS WON
1962
*
The story of how America became rich and prosperous in the nineteenth century despite many obstacles.
This epic isn't quite as long as you expect it to be, but in between the superb set pieces - like the buffalo stampede and the climactic train battle - it's pretty dull fare, perhaps especially for non-American viewers; it does, however, manage to retain some sort of 'special' feel, perhaps in part due to the starry cast. As it was shot in 'Cinerama' (a tri-projector process) viewing it on television can feel a little strange, what with the segmented imagery.
Dir: John Ford, Henry Hathaway, George Marshall
Narrator: Spencer Tracy. Stars: James Stewart, George Peppard, Lee J Cobb, Gregory Peck, Karl Malden, Richard Widmark, Henry Fonda, John Wayne, Debbie Reynolds, Eli Wallach
HOW TO GET AHEAD IN ADVERTISING
1987
0
An advertising executive develops a rather large and angry spot on his neck which turns into a second head.
Vicious satire on commercialism, all too weird; Guardian readers will appreciate it most.
Dir: Bruce Robinson
Stars: Richard E Grant, Rachel Ward, Richard Wilson, Jacqueline Tong
HOW TO LOSE FRIENDS & ALIENATE PEOPLE
2008
0
An English journalist moves to New York where he makes a fool of himself.
A prime example of how Hollywood can sometimes get it badly wrong, adapting a biting non-fiction book and reshaping it to fit the norms of a romantic comedy while adding crudity and slapstick; this also has the effect of producing a tonally all-over-the-place film. A grittier, less broad adaptation, with a less goofy leading performance, recreating Toby Young's blunter anecdotes, would have made a much more honest and therefore more compelling movie. Very disappointing, especially from a director who worked on Curb Your Enthusiasm.
Dir: Robert B Weide
Stars: Simon Pegg, Kirsten Dunst, Megan Fox, Jeff Bridges
HOW TO MAKE A MONSTER
1958
0
A vengeful make-up artist whose services are no longer required gets his revenge by committing murders using actors he has made up as monsters.
One appreciates the unusual, self-referential touches but after a short while this curio doesn't really go anywhere. Its eccentricities include the final eight minutes being in colour.
Dir: Herbert L Strock
Stars: Robert H Harris, Paul Brinegar, Gary Conway
HOW TO MARRY A MILLIONAIRE
1953
*
Three women set out to find themselves a rich husband.
Slightly tedious comedy allayed by its stars and some sharp wisecracks.
Dir: Jean Negulesco
Stars: Marilyn Monroe, Betty Grable, Lauren Bacall, David Wayne
HOW TO STEAL THE WORLD
1968
0
The Men from UNCLE try to counter a gas that destroys people's wills.
Limp spy adventure culled from TV, and the fourth season of a mediocre show at that.
Dir: Sutton Roley
Stars: Robert Vaughn, David McCallum, Leo G Carroll, Leslie Nielsen
HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON
2010
*
A young Viking who should be killing dragons ends up nurturing one.
Familiar but pretty well done animation that looks good, especially in the boisterous finale. Detractions include slightly irritating accents (the adults are Scottish, the kids are American) and a message of ‘love your enemy’ – which isn’t always the best of ideas.
Dir: Dean DeBlois, Chris Sanders
Voices: Jay Baruchel, Gerard Butler, Craig Ferguson, America Ferrera
HOW TO UNDRESS IN PUBLIC WITHOUT UNDUE EMBARRASSMENT
1965
*
Comic documentary about taking one's clothes off.
A real curio, a mix of humorous sketches of varying amusement and striptease footage that's surprisingly fleshy and titillating for the time (the dam was beginning to burst). Fifty offbeat minutes that are worth catching for British sexploitation fans.
Dir: Compton Bennett
Narrator: Fenella Fielding, John Deacon. Stars: Jon Pertwee, Reginald Beckwith
HOWARD THE DUCK
1986
0
A humanoid duck saves the world.
Crass and awful fantasy with a story seemingly aimed at slow five-year-olds, but weirdly done in an adult manner. It sucks, big time.
Dir: Willard Huyck
Stars: Lea Thompson, Jeffrey Jones, Tim Robbins, Ed Gale
HOWARDS END
1992
**
In Edwardian England, class differences make for uneasy relations between three families.
One of the better Merchant-Ivory productions - a good story is well acted and attractively shot.
Dir: James Ivory
Stars: Emma Thompson, Anthony Hopkins, Helena Bonham Carter, Samuel West, Vanessa Redgrave, Prunella Scales
THE HOWLING
1980
*
A newswoman attends a rehab centre where the inhabitants are particularly hairy.
The film responsible for a title that found itself lent to any number of appalling and unrelated sequels, but the original stands up well, full as it is of movie in-jokes and spectacular, if self conscious special effects.
Dir: Joe Dante
Stars: Dee Wallace, Patrick Macnee, Dennis Dugan, Kevin McCarthy, John Carradine, Slim Pickens, Belinda Balaski
HOWLING II
1985
0
A woman whose sister was murdered by werewolves helps track them down in Europe.
Ghastly sequel that sinks into a swamp of tatty confusion; the director thinks he is offering up the sort of horror that people want to see – gory close-ups, sinister puppet shows, kinky monsters – but it’s all a heinous, hideous mess soundtracked by especially egregious music.
Dir: Philippe Mora
Stars: Christopher Lee, Annie McEnroe, Sybil Danning, Jimmy Nail
HOWARD THE DUCK
1986
0
A humanoid duck saves the world.
Crass and awful fantasy with a story seemingly aimed at slow five-year-olds, but weirdly done in an adult manner. It sucks, big time.
Dir: Willard Huyck
Stars: Lea Thompson, Jeffrey Jones, Tim Robbins, Ed Gale
HOWARDS END
1992
**
In Edwardian England, class differences make for uneasy relations between three families.
One of the better Merchant-Ivory productions - a good story is well acted and attractively shot.
Dir: James Ivory
Stars: Emma Thompson, Anthony Hopkins, Helena Bonham Carter, Samuel West, Vanessa Redgrave, Prunella Scales
THE HOWLING
1980
*
A newswoman attends a rehab centre where the inhabitants are particularly hairy.
The film responsible for a title that found itself lent to any number of appalling and unrelated sequels, but the original stands up well, full as it is of movie in-jokes and spectacular, if self conscious special effects.
Dir: Joe Dante
Stars: Dee Wallace, Patrick Macnee, Dennis Dugan, Kevin McCarthy, John Carradine, Slim Pickens, Belinda Balaski
HOWLING II
1985
0
A woman whose sister was murdered by werewolves helps track them down in Europe.
Ghastly sequel that sinks into a swamp of tatty confusion; the director thinks he is offering up the sort of horror that people want to see – gory close-ups, sinister puppet shows, kinky monsters – but it’s all a heinous, hideous mess soundtracked by especially egregious music.
Dir: Philippe Mora
Stars: Christopher Lee, Annie McEnroe, Sybil Danning, Jimmy Nail
HOWLING III
1987
0
A female werewolf and a guy in the movie industry have a strange baby together and go on the run.
Ludicrous rubbish, unrelated to its predecessors, in which the director goes for a light-hearted approach (it was PG-13 in the US) while also believing he's telling an epic tale of family lore. The special effects are as bad as the script which is as bad as the acting, and it's horribly icky at times. The onscreen title is The Marsupials: The Howling III.
Dir: Philippe Mora
Stars: Barry Otto, Max Fairchild, Imogen AnnesleyHOWLING IV: THE ORIGINAL NIGHTMARE
1989 (V)
0
An exhausted author stays in a small town where she encounters ghosts and werewolves.
Average, trite horror in which the shocks and special effects don't come until the very end.
Dir: John Hough
Stars: Romy Windsor, Michael T Weiss, Antony Hamilton
HOWLING V: THE REBIRTH
1990 (V)
0
A group of people in a Romanian castle are picked off one by one by a werewolf.
One of the better entries in the series, it tries hard but can't avoid the pitfalls of an overly familiar script, which is reminiscent of Amicus's The Beast Must Die (qv).
Dir: Neal Sundstrom
Stars: Philip Davis, Victoria Catlin, Ben Cole
THE HOWLING: REBORN
2011 (V)
0
A bullied high school boy comes to realise he is a werewolf.
Painful attempt to continue the series in name only, this is an angsty Donnie Darko meets werewolves horror that barely escapes from its high school confines and specialises in tiresome, preachy voiceovers from the lead character. It’s forever betraying its made-for-video origins.
Dir: Joe Nimziki
Stars: Landon Liboiron, Lindsey Shaw, Ivana Milicevic
HOWL’S MOVING CASTLE
2004
*
A young girl is turned into an old woman by a spiteful witch, and seeks an insecure young wizard to help out.
Japanese animation which displays visual imagination but is a little stodgy plot-wise.
Dir: Hayao Miyazaki
Voices (English version): Jean Simmons, Christian Bale, Lauren Bacall, Blythe Danner, Emily Mortimer, Billy Crystal
HUD
1963
**
A young cowboy is at odds with his father over how to run the family farm.
Intelligent character drama memorably shot against stark landscapes.
Dir: Martin Ritt
Stars: Paul Newman, Melvyn Douglas, Patricia Neal
HUDSON HAWK
1991
*
A cat burglar is forced to steal Da Vinci works of art.
All-action extravaganza designed exclusively for escapism.
Dir: Michael Lehmann
Stars: Bruce Willis, Danny Aiello, Andie MacDowell, James Coburn, Richard E Grant, Sandra Bernhard, Frank Stallone
HUGO
2011
*
A boy who lives in a Paris railway station dreams of perfecting his late father's automation.
Gorgeous but rather boring fantasia which is only marginally more alive than Spielberg's Tintin: it's Scorsese saying how much he loves the cinema but it's a shame his contribution to it here isn't more dramatic, pointed or succinct. A great cast is its main asset, along with the flawless technical credits, but you can imagine many children who were taken to it by well-meaning middle-class parents were bored stiff.
Dir: Martin Scorsese
Stars: Asa Butterfield, Chloe Grace Moretz, Ben Kingsley, Sacha Baron Cohen, Emily Mortimer, Christopher Lee, Ray Winstone, Jude Law
HULK
2003
*
A scientist is transformed into a rampaging green monster that becomes a target for the army.
Dour, downbeat version of one of Marvel's most popular comics, this takes an age to start but eventually provides computer-generated action that is dynamic if unreal. The 1970s TV show probably had more of the right idea of how to interpret Stan Lee's ideas.
Dir: Ang Lee
Stars: Eric Bana, Jennifer Connelly, Sam Elliott, Nick Nolte
THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE (FIRST SEQUENCE)
2009
**
Two unfortunate American women stumble upon a doctor who hates human beings.
This instantly notorious horror film is actually very traditional in structure – a mad scientist abducts people for nefarious experiments – but of course takes things to extreme lengths, and perhaps deserves praise for being daring and unpredictable. Some may dislike it even more than they would have already due to the fact that it’s stylishly shot and convincingly performed, but it’s undeniable that a noteworthy new cinema monster has been introduced to the world. And the slow-moving chase towards the end is a thing of near blackly comic genius, a neat inversion of a well-worn trope.
Dir: Tom Six
Stars: Dieter Laser, Ashley C Williams, Ashlynn Yennie, Akihiro Kitamura
THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE 2 (FULL SEQUENCE)
2011
0
A man obsessed with the film The Human Centipede creates his own multi-human monster.
A sequel that almost (but not quite) makes the first one look like a standard horror film, because this is one of the ugliest, most horrible, most vile, most repugnant movies ever made. Shot in black and white, it presents without comment a demented individual degrading, mutilating and destroying human beings, leaving the viewer with questions like: who would want to see this? Who would want to act in this? Who would want to have anything to do with this? It became one of the few films to be banned outright by the BBFC until a cut version was later submitted. The director has clearly gone too far, and even the most devoted horror hound will have problems watching it.
Dir: Tom Six
Stars: Laurence R Harvey, Ashlynn Yennie, Maddi Black
THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE 3 (FINAL SEQUENCE)
2015
0
An American prison is the setting for the latest Human Centipede experiment.
Well done, in a way, to the director for managing to make three very distinct Centipede films, although this is something of an endurance, largely consisting of Laser shouting and screaming at Harvey, who attempts the most appalling American accent. Director Tom Six appears in it and also demonstrates that he is a dreadful actor, and his film, in which the Centipede only appears very briefly towards the end, not surprisingly drew ire from most horror hounds; there are moments of repulsive fantasticness, but this is a long way from the solid first film.
Dir: Tom Six
Stars: Dieter Laser, Laurence R Harvey, Eric Roberts, Bree Olson
THE HUMAN COMEDY
1943
*
Life in small-town America during the Second World War.
Sentimental drama so wholesome it becomes sickly, and some sequences drag on interminably. Very much a film of a time and a place, and therefore more meaningful to those fond of either, it wears its patriotism and faith on its sleeve.
Dir: Clarence Brown
Stars: Mickey Rooney, Frank Morgan, James Craig, Marsha Hunt
HUMAN EXPERIMENTS
1980
0
A woman is sent to a sinister correction centre after she is mistakenly found guilty of murder.
Dim shocker which after a properly intriguing and unsettling beginning is content to settle down to being just another women-in-prison movie, and one without any thrills, although a couple of the nasty ‘experiments’ are reasonably well-mounted.
Dir: Gregory Goodell
Stars: Linda Haynes, Geoffrey Lewis, Ellen Travolta
THE ‘HUMAN’ FACTOR
1975
0
A NATO worker goes after the terrorists who slaughtered his family.
Ordinary thriller with boring murderers and a plot devoid of tension or purpose.
Dir: Edward Dmytryk
Stars: George Kennedy, John Mills, Raf Vallone, Rita Tushingham
THE HUMAN SCALE
2012
*
Documentary about the growth in the world's city populations, and how the world can cope with it.
This may be of interest to future historians, and is currently most suitable for architects and engineers, but along with its industry-based musings there's a dollop of philosophy. Its content also ensures impressive vistas.
Dir: Andreas Dalsgaard
HUMAN TRAFFIC
1999
**
The drug-addled lifestyles of a group of Welsh teenagers.
Authentic slice of depressingly nasty lives divorced from reality, this will strike a chord with those in the know and has a quirky style which is eminently watchable.
Dir: Justin Kerrigan
Stars: John Simm, Shaun Parkes, Lorraine Pilkington, Danny Dyer
THE HUMANOID
1979
0
A mad scientist seeks to create an army of murderous, mindless soldiers.
Mindless Star Wars-style shoot ’em up, incompetent on every level.
Dir: Aldo Lado
Stars: Richard Kiel, Barbara Bach, Corinne Clery
HUMANOID DEFENDER
1985 (TV)
0
Scientists create a perfect soldier in the lab, then send him on dangerous missions.
Sci-fi codswallop with much mindless violence.
Dir: Ron Satlof
Stars: Terence Knox, Gary Kasper
HUMONGOUS
1982
0
A monster slays holidaying teenagers.
Crude and predictable 'teens in trouble' shocker.
Dir: Paul Lynch
Stars: Janet Julian, David Wallace, John Wildman
THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME
1923
**
A deformed bellringer tries to help a gypsy dancing girl from persecution.
Important early horror with a striking star performance.
Dir: Wallace Worsley
Stars: Lon Chaney, Patsy Ruth Miller, Norman Kerry
THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME
1939
***
Technically brilliant remake, meticulously crafted on every level, especially notable for Laughton's theatrics.
Dir: William Dieterle
Stars: Charles Laughton, Cedric Hardwicke, Maureen O'Hara, Edmond O'Brien
THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME
1996
**
Animated Disney version of Hugo's novel.
Lively cartoon on predictable studio lines, it made a mint.
Dir: Gary Trousdale, Kirk Wise
Voices: Tom Hulce, Demi Moore, Kevin Kline, Tony Jay
HUNDRA
1983
0
A man-hating warrior woman decides she must become pregnant.
Wretched sword and sorcery flick in which the only redeeming feature is Ennio Morricone’s score: the editing’s incompetent, the choreography’s unconvincing (and often seen in excruciating slow motion), the story’s hopeless and it’s hysterically anti-male. Plus the quality of the British DVD is simply insulting.
Dir: Matt Cimber
Stars: Laurene Landon, Cihangir Gaffari, Maria Casal
THE HUNGER
1983
0
An ancient female vampire preys on modern club-goers.
Abysmal high-brow horror, flashy and incomprehensible.
Dir: Tony Scott
Stars: Catherine Deneuve, David Bowie, Susan Sarandon
THE HUNT
2012
****
When a kindergarten worker is falsely accused of improper sexual conduct his life starts to unravel.
Brilliant, searing drama which tells a frighteningly plausible, not to mention timely, story of how civilised people can create hell for one another. Character motivations are never less than completely believable, performances - including the little girl in some incredibly powerful sequences - are faultless, and the script is as lean as could be, with tension maintained as taut as a piano wire - the result is a near-perfect film.
Dir: Thomas Vinterberg
Stars: Mads Mikkelsen, Thomas Bo Larsen, Annika Wedderkopp, Lasse Fogelstrom
THE HUNT
2020
*
People with apparently 'deplorable' views find themselves being hunted down in a rural setting.
Something of a political hot potato at the end of 2019, this isn't actually massively political, nor is it especially clear-sighted or incisive: it runs out of ideas well before the end, choosing to instead go for an elaborately choreographed catfight. While it does a few things that are admirably edgy - and there's some inventive violence - it also falls back on what's now a very tired trope, that of the ultra tough, ultra resourceful and brilliant female fighter who swats all before her. It's essentially a sort of Most Dangerous Game/Hunger Games/Saw mash-up.
Dir: Craig Zobel
Stars: Betty Gilpin, Hilary Swank, Ike Barinholtz
THE HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER
1990
*
A Russian submarine heads for American waters, but is its captain planning to defect rather than attack?
Complex, talkative thriller in a dark and claustrophobic setting.
Dir: John McTiernan
Stars: Sean Connery, Alec Baldwin, Sam Neill, James Earl Jones, Joss Ackland, Scott Glenn, Peter Firth, Tim Curry
1989 (V)
0
An exhausted author stays in a small town where she encounters ghosts and werewolves.
Average, trite horror in which the shocks and special effects don't come until the very end.
Dir: John Hough
Stars: Romy Windsor, Michael T Weiss, Antony Hamilton
HOWLING V: THE REBIRTH
1990 (V)
0
A group of people in a Romanian castle are picked off one by one by a werewolf.
One of the better entries in the series, it tries hard but can't avoid the pitfalls of an overly familiar script, which is reminiscent of Amicus's The Beast Must Die (qv).
Dir: Neal Sundstrom
Stars: Philip Davis, Victoria Catlin, Ben Cole
THE HOWLING: REBORN
2011 (V)
0
A bullied high school boy comes to realise he is a werewolf.
Painful attempt to continue the series in name only, this is an angsty Donnie Darko meets werewolves horror that barely escapes from its high school confines and specialises in tiresome, preachy voiceovers from the lead character. It’s forever betraying its made-for-video origins.
Dir: Joe Nimziki
Stars: Landon Liboiron, Lindsey Shaw, Ivana Milicevic
HOWL’S MOVING CASTLE
2004
*
A young girl is turned into an old woman by a spiteful witch, and seeks an insecure young wizard to help out.
Japanese animation which displays visual imagination but is a little stodgy plot-wise.
Dir: Hayao Miyazaki
Voices (English version): Jean Simmons, Christian Bale, Lauren Bacall, Blythe Danner, Emily Mortimer, Billy Crystal
HUD
1963
**
A young cowboy is at odds with his father over how to run the family farm.
Intelligent character drama memorably shot against stark landscapes.
Dir: Martin Ritt
Stars: Paul Newman, Melvyn Douglas, Patricia Neal
HUDSON HAWK
1991
*
A cat burglar is forced to steal Da Vinci works of art.
All-action extravaganza designed exclusively for escapism.
Dir: Michael Lehmann
Stars: Bruce Willis, Danny Aiello, Andie MacDowell, James Coburn, Richard E Grant, Sandra Bernhard, Frank Stallone
HUE AND CRY
1946
***
A gang of street urchins foil a master criminal who is using comics to send coded messages.
A charming idea which makes a thunderously pacey cloak-and-dagger yarn largely performed in the refreshing open air of post-war London before it underwent radical demographic and social transformation. The cinematography is razor-sharp, really bracing, and it remains an early Ealing and English classic.
Dir: Charles Crichton
Stars: Harry Fowler, Alastair Sim, Douglas Barr, Jack Warner
HUGO
2011
*
A boy who lives in a Paris railway station dreams of perfecting his late father's automation.
Gorgeous but rather boring fantasia which is only marginally more alive than Spielberg's Tintin: it's Scorsese saying how much he loves the cinema but it's a shame his contribution to it here isn't more dramatic, pointed or succinct. A great cast is its main asset, along with the flawless technical credits, but you can imagine many children who were taken to it by well-meaning middle-class parents were bored stiff.
Dir: Martin Scorsese
Stars: Asa Butterfield, Chloe Grace Moretz, Ben Kingsley, Sacha Baron Cohen, Emily Mortimer, Christopher Lee, Ray Winstone, Jude Law
HULK
2003
*
A scientist is transformed into a rampaging green monster that becomes a target for the army.
Dour, downbeat version of one of Marvel's most popular comics, this takes an age to start but eventually provides computer-generated action that is dynamic if unreal. The 1970s TV show probably had more of the right idea of how to interpret Stan Lee's ideas.
Dir: Ang Lee
Stars: Eric Bana, Jennifer Connelly, Sam Elliott, Nick Nolte
THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE (FIRST SEQUENCE)
2009
**
Two unfortunate American women stumble upon a doctor who hates human beings.
This instantly notorious horror film is actually very traditional in structure – a mad scientist abducts people for nefarious experiments – but of course takes things to extreme lengths, and perhaps deserves praise for being daring and unpredictable. Some may dislike it even more than they would have already due to the fact that it’s stylishly shot and convincingly performed, but it’s undeniable that a noteworthy new cinema monster has been introduced to the world. And the slow-moving chase towards the end is a thing of near blackly comic genius, a neat inversion of a well-worn trope.
Dir: Tom Six
Stars: Dieter Laser, Ashley C Williams, Ashlynn Yennie, Akihiro Kitamura
THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE 2 (FULL SEQUENCE)
2011
0
A man obsessed with the film The Human Centipede creates his own multi-human monster.
A sequel that almost (but not quite) makes the first one look like a standard horror film, because this is one of the ugliest, most horrible, most vile, most repugnant movies ever made. Shot in black and white, it presents without comment a demented individual degrading, mutilating and destroying human beings, leaving the viewer with questions like: who would want to see this? Who would want to act in this? Who would want to have anything to do with this? It became one of the few films to be banned outright by the BBFC until a cut version was later submitted. The director has clearly gone too far, and even the most devoted horror hound will have problems watching it.
Dir: Tom Six
Stars: Laurence R Harvey, Ashlynn Yennie, Maddi Black
THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE 3 (FINAL SEQUENCE)
2015
0
An American prison is the setting for the latest Human Centipede experiment.
Well done, in a way, to the director for managing to make three very distinct Centipede films, although this is something of an endurance, largely consisting of Laser shouting and screaming at Harvey, who attempts the most appalling American accent. Director Tom Six appears in it and also demonstrates that he is a dreadful actor, and his film, in which the Centipede only appears very briefly towards the end, not surprisingly drew ire from most horror hounds; there are moments of repulsive fantasticness, but this is a long way from the solid first film.
Dir: Tom Six
Stars: Dieter Laser, Laurence R Harvey, Eric Roberts, Bree Olson
THE HUMAN COMEDY
1943
*
Life in small-town America during the Second World War.
Sentimental drama so wholesome it becomes sickly, and some sequences drag on interminably. Very much a film of a time and a place, and therefore more meaningful to those fond of either, it wears its patriotism and faith on its sleeve.
Dir: Clarence Brown
Stars: Mickey Rooney, Frank Morgan, James Craig, Marsha Hunt
HUMAN EXPERIMENTS
1980
0
A woman is sent to a sinister correction centre after she is mistakenly found guilty of murder.
Dim shocker which after a properly intriguing and unsettling beginning is content to settle down to being just another women-in-prison movie, and one without any thrills, although a couple of the nasty ‘experiments’ are reasonably well-mounted.
Dir: Gregory Goodell
Stars: Linda Haynes, Geoffrey Lewis, Ellen Travolta
THE ‘HUMAN’ FACTOR
1975
0
A NATO worker goes after the terrorists who slaughtered his family.
Ordinary thriller with boring murderers and a plot devoid of tension or purpose.
Dir: Edward Dmytryk
Stars: George Kennedy, John Mills, Raf Vallone, Rita Tushingham
THE HUMAN SCALE
2012
*
Documentary about the growth in the world's city populations, and how the world can cope with it.
This may be of interest to future historians, and is currently most suitable for architects and engineers, but along with its industry-based musings there's a dollop of philosophy. Its content also ensures impressive vistas.
Dir: Andreas Dalsgaard
HUMAN TRAFFIC
1999
**
The drug-addled lifestyles of a group of Welsh teenagers.
Authentic slice of depressingly nasty lives divorced from reality, this will strike a chord with those in the know and has a quirky style which is eminently watchable.
Dir: Justin Kerrigan
Stars: John Simm, Shaun Parkes, Lorraine Pilkington, Danny Dyer
THE HUMANOID
1979
0
A mad scientist seeks to create an army of murderous, mindless soldiers.
Mindless Star Wars-style shoot ’em up, incompetent on every level.
Dir: Aldo Lado
Stars: Richard Kiel, Barbara Bach, Corinne Clery
HUMANOID DEFENDER
1985 (TV)
0
Scientists create a perfect soldier in the lab, then send him on dangerous missions.
Sci-fi codswallop with much mindless violence.
Dir: Ron Satlof
Stars: Terence Knox, Gary Kasper
HUMANOIDS FROM THE DEEP
1980
*
Scientific mutations terrorise a fishing village.
Famously, producer Roger Corman ordered extra shoots after director Peeters had completed the film as he wanted more sex and violence, so we get a drive-in-pleasing horror comic with a fair bit of that - although the deleted scenes later seen on the Blu-ray suggest there could have been more. It's fairly simplistic stuff, with an energy, and Rob Bottin's humanoids are pretty tasty creations; it has its moments.
Dir: Barbara Peeters
Stars: Vic Morrow, Ann Turkel, Doug McClure, Cindy Weintraub
HUMONGOUS
1982
0
A monster slays holidaying teenagers.
Crude and predictable 'teens in trouble' shocker.
Dir: Paul Lynch
Stars: Janet Julian, David Wallace, John Wildman
THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME
1923
**
A deformed bellringer tries to help a gypsy dancing girl from persecution.
Important early horror with a striking star performance.
Dir: Wallace Worsley
Stars: Lon Chaney, Patsy Ruth Miller, Norman Kerry
THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME
1939
***
Technically brilliant remake, meticulously crafted on every level, especially notable for Laughton's theatrics.
Dir: William Dieterle
Stars: Charles Laughton, Cedric Hardwicke, Maureen O'Hara, Edmond O'Brien
THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME
1996
**
Animated Disney version of Hugo's novel.
Lively cartoon on predictable studio lines, it made a mint.
Dir: Gary Trousdale, Kirk Wise
Voices: Tom Hulce, Demi Moore, Kevin Kline, Tony Jay
HUNDRA
1983
0
A man-hating warrior woman decides she must become pregnant.
Wretched sword and sorcery flick in which the only redeeming feature is Ennio Morricone’s score: the editing’s incompetent, the choreography’s unconvincing (and often seen in excruciating slow motion), the story’s hopeless and it’s hysterically anti-male. Plus the quality of the British DVD is simply insulting.
Dir: Matt Cimber
Stars: Laurene Landon, Cihangir Gaffari, Maria Casal
THE HUNGER
1983
0
An ancient female vampire preys on modern club-goers.
Abysmal high-brow horror, flashy and incomprehensible.
Dir: Tony Scott
Stars: Catherine Deneuve, David Bowie, Susan Sarandon
THE HUNT
2012
****
When a kindergarten worker is falsely accused of improper sexual conduct his life starts to unravel.
Brilliant, searing drama which tells a frighteningly plausible, not to mention timely, story of how civilised people can create hell for one another. Character motivations are never less than completely believable, performances - including the little girl in some incredibly powerful sequences - are faultless, and the script is as lean as could be, with tension maintained as taut as a piano wire - the result is a near-perfect film.
Dir: Thomas Vinterberg
Stars: Mads Mikkelsen, Thomas Bo Larsen, Annika Wedderkopp, Lasse Fogelstrom
THE HUNT
2020
*
People with apparently 'deplorable' views find themselves being hunted down in a rural setting.
Something of a political hot potato at the end of 2019, this isn't actually massively political, nor is it especially clear-sighted or incisive: it runs out of ideas well before the end, choosing to instead go for an elaborately choreographed catfight. While it does a few things that are admirably edgy - and there's some inventive violence - it also falls back on what's now a very tired trope, that of the ultra tough, ultra resourceful and brilliant female fighter who swats all before her. It's essentially a sort of Most Dangerous Game/Hunger Games/Saw mash-up.
Dir: Craig Zobel
Stars: Betty Gilpin, Hilary Swank, Ike Barinholtz
THE HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER
1990
*
A Russian submarine heads for American waters, but is its captain planning to defect rather than attack?
Complex, talkative thriller in a dark and claustrophobic setting.
Dir: John McTiernan
Stars: Sean Connery, Alec Baldwin, Sam Neill, James Earl Jones, Joss Ackland, Scott Glenn, Peter Firth, Tim Curry
HUNTED IN HOLLAND
1961
0
Kids get involved with stolen diamonds in Holland.
The CFF carry on abroad, ensuring that its location footage will be treasured for longer than the juvenile antics of the child actors (who are often watched by people stopping and looking towards the camera).
Dir: Derek Williams
Stars: Sean Scully, Jacques Verbrugge, Sandra Spurr
THE HURT LOCKER
2009
***
Bomb disposal experts risk their lives every day in the warzone of modern-day Iraq.
Highly accomplished thriller that’s one suspenseful situation after another, with a constant undercurrent of tension – could that guy with a camcorder be an insurgent? What about the guy waving from the building? – and brilliant cinematography that wrings every ounce of agony out of the script; it looks especially stunning on Blu-ray. The film submerges you in a dangerous foreign land with total conviction, doesn’t ignore its characters’ feelings (with Renner particularly good in the lead) and thankfully doesn’t choose to make simplistic political points. A sleeper of a movie that socked it to the big guys.
Dir: Kathryn Bigelow
Stars: Jeremy Renner, Anthony Mackie, Brian Geraghty, David Morse, Guy Pearce, Evangeline Lilly, Ralph Fiennes
HUSBANDS AND WIVES
1992
***
A couple are shocked when their friends announce they are splitting up.
Perhaps at the time it was difficult to judge this movie because of the huge story about Allen and Farrow splitting up in very acrimonious circumstances, but the passage of [relationships-addled] time informs us that this is another triumph for the director, a searing drama, with humour that naturally arises at times, that is not among his optimistic pictures - it says that relationships will only endure through great compromise or sacrifice. The complex characters furnish many fine sequences, many of which are extremely intense, followed by a roving hand-held camera that acutely captures the emotions, not least the last ever scene Allen and Farrow shot together. Jerky edits add to the edginess. A mature film for mature audiences with killer lines and some historical importance.
Dir: Woody Allen
Stars: Woody Allen, Mia Farrow, Judy Davis, Sydney Pollack, Juliette Lewis, Liam Neeson, Lysette Anthony
HUSH... HUSH, SWEET CHARLOTTE
1964
*
A reclusive woman lives in the shadow of a murder she may have committed 40 years previously.
More claustrophobic Baby Jane dramatics and proof that real star quality doesn't fade, this lurid suspenser recovers after a flabby first half to deliver an exciting Les Diaboliques-type denouement. Overall, though, it has a feeling of being overblown in every regard - its length, individual scenes and performances, with the temperature turned up as high as a Southern summer's day.
Dir: Robert Aldrich
Stars: Bette Davis, Olivia de Havilland, Joseph Cotten, Agnes Moorehead, Cecil Kellaway, Bruce Dern
HUSSY
1980
0
A single mother prostitute falls for a fellow worker, but her past intrudes.
Glum melodrama that mashes together some familiar themes, including that of a prostitute with a heart of gold; a man who falls in love with her then gets angry about her trade; low-life London criminals doing their thing. Mirren is luminous but gets little screen time in the second half, while Shea is far less sympathetic. It's not much of a goer.
Dir: Matthew Chapman
Stars: Helen Mirren, John Shea, Paul Angelis, Murray Salem
THE HUSTLER
1961
**
A cocksure young pool shark takes on an old-time champion.
A grim slice of Americana usually acclaimed as a classic, but although the acting, photography and writing are all excellent it's a tough, dour film with no light relief of any kind. Still, it's grown up cinema providing acres of character analysis for those who wish to analyse.
Dir: Robert Rossen
Stars: Paul Newman, Piper Laurie, George C Scott, Jackie Gleason
HUSTLING FOR HEALTH
1918
0
A man looks for a quiet time in the countryside, but doesn't get it.
Early Stan Laurel solo comedy, a slim, unremarkable short.
Dir: Frank Terry
Stars: Stan Laurel
HYSTERIA
1964
*
A man wakes up in a hospital with no memory of how he got there, but he may be involved in a strange murder puzzle.
Complicated psychological drama effective in fits and starts.
Dir: Freddie Francis
Stars: Robert Webber, Anthony Newlands, Maurice Denham, Jennifer Jayne
HYSTERIA
1997
0
A doctor visits an asylum where the head is as mad as the patients.
Strange journey into eccentricity that gives the actors what must have been an invigorating workshop while eventually being a bit much for most of the viewing public. Perhaps it would have been a little less wayward and more pointed had it been shorter; still, it's nice to see the legendary McGoohan in his last movie role, and Vaugier is a visual treat amid much ugliness and darkness.
Dir: Rene Daalder
Stars: Michael Maloney, Patrick McGoohan, Amanda Plummer, Emmanuelle Vaugier
