1963
*
Mondo style documentary about curious things from around the globe, including the drinking of reindeer blood, python-skinning, lepers, Indian prostitutes, opium addicts, Swedish delinquents and much more.
Fairly standard mondo movie of the time, likeable enough, with a few high points, or low points, depending on your predilections, and Vincent Price apparently narrated the original print. How much of this stuff was exaggerated, how much still goes on?
Dir: Romolo Marcellini
TABU: A STORY OF THE SOUTH SEAS
1931
*
On a South Pacific island, a young couple are torn asunder when she is declared a prized virgin.
Much-praised final film from Murnau is a slender tragic love story that gains in novelty due to its location shooting in a locale that was very foreign to most Western viewers. Perhaps its lyricism means it never feels urgent.
Dir: FW Murnau
Stars: Anne Chevalier, Matahi, Hitu
1977
0
A killer on the loose picks up unsuspecting hitch-hikers.
Unique curio which is a madcap mix of all kinds of genres and couldn't have been made at any time other than the mid-'70s. It'd be pushing it to say it's well made, but it does have a peculiar charm.
Dir: Kenneth F Rowles
Stars: Helen Bernat, Margaret Heald, Pauline Bates
TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES AND LIVE
1963
0
Various girls travel to a naturist camp in the South of France.
Mainly tedious, highly artificial travelogue with a corny voiceover, it might have frustrated the men in Macs as it's almost half an hour before the first naked breasts are unveiled. It probably also did its bit to promote continental holidays. It was finally released on DVD in 2012 but the picture quality was very poor.
Dir: Arnold L Miller
Stars: Ian Michael, Jenny Lane, Maureen Haydon
TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN
1969
*
A perennial small-time criminal finds it difficult to stop his dishonest ways.
Allen's first feature as director, writer and star is an uneven affair which drags a little in places but provides a few belly laughs, with Beck's stern narration a big asset. Comic hits include Allen playing cello in a walking band, the bank hold-up derailed by bad handwriting on the note, and the vaccine whose side effects include turning the recipient into a rabbi; the star's nebbish personality is vital in bringing gags like this home, with many seeming funnier still on the printed page.
Dir: Woody Allen
Stars: Woody Allen, Janet Margolin, Marcel Hillaire, Jackson Beck
TAKING LIBERTIES
2007
**
Documentary detailing the loss of civil liberties in Britain under the Blair government.
A film similar in style to Private Eye’s In The Back section, in that it is passionately on the side of the people against the State, sometimes giving too much credence to the perceived victim. Much of it is effective and suitably frightening, particularly the sections on the man thrown out of the Labour conference for shouting ‘Nonsense!’ and peace campaigners seeing their efforts thwarted, but it ends on a facile, unpleasant note with a stupid, obscene pop song (which, unbelievably, didn’t see the movie awarded more than a 12 certificate). The DVD comes with a plethora of extras, which range from very interesting to rather whiny.
Dir: Chris Atkins
Narrators: Ashley Jensen, David Morrissey
THE TAKING OF PELHAM ONE TWO THREE
1974
*
A New York subway train is hijacked.
Self-confident thriller with a distinct Big Apple feel and plenty of solid male character actors doing their stuff in Seventies fashion. Nice final couple lines of dialogue, and nice original poster.
Dir: Joseph Sargent
Stars: Walter Matthau, Robert Shaw, Martin Balsam, Hector Elizondo, Jerry Stiller
TALE OF A VAMPIRE
1992
0
A vampire in modern-day south London falls in love with a woman who resembles one he knew centuries ago.
Anaemic horror, sadly ordinary and plodding, but with a moody atmosphere.
Dir: Shimako Sato
Stars: Julian Sands, Suzanna Hamilton, Kenneth Cranham
A TALE OF TWO CITIES
1935
*
An alcohol-soaked barrister aids a member of the doomed French aristocracy.
Expensive Dickens adaptation full of detail, a prized picture of its day.
Dir: Jack Conway
Stars: Ronald Colman, Elizabeth Allan, Edna May Oliver, Reginald Owen, Basil Rathbone
A TALE OF TWO CITIES
1958
**
An English barrister becomes involved in the French revolution.
Solid version of Dickens' novel, soundly performed.
Dir: Ralph Thomas
Stars: Dirk Bogarde, Dorothy Tutin, Ian Bannen, Cecil Parker, Alfie Bass, Christopher Lee, Leo McKern, Donald Pleasence
1992
0
A vampire in modern-day south London falls in love with a woman who resembles one he knew centuries ago.
Anaemic horror, sadly ordinary and plodding, but with a moody atmosphere.
Dir: Shimako Sato
Stars: Julian Sands, Suzanna Hamilton, Kenneth Cranham
A TALE OF TWO CITIES
1935
*
An alcohol-soaked barrister aids a member of the doomed French aristocracy.
Expensive Dickens adaptation full of detail, a prized picture of its day.
Dir: Jack Conway
Stars: Ronald Colman, Elizabeth Allan, Edna May Oliver, Reginald Owen, Basil Rathbone
A TALE OF TWO CITIES
1958
**
An English barrister becomes involved in the French revolution.
Solid version of Dickens' novel, soundly performed.
Dir: Ralph Thomas
Stars: Dirk Bogarde, Dorothy Tutin, Ian Bannen, Cecil Parker, Alfie Bass, Christopher Lee, Leo McKern, Donald Pleasence
THE TALENTED MR RIPLEY
1999
**
A man with a knack for impersonation impinges on the life of a couple who are living the high life in Italy.
Impressive if overlong adaptation of Patricia Highsmith (they could have cut 20 minutes out of the middle of it), displaying that author's interest in people taking on different guises - which, after all, is essentially what we all do - while turning homosexual undertones into overtones. It's frustrating that it's not better still, but there are many enjoyable scenes and performances, with a side serving of attractive European holiday-ish scenery.
Dir: Anthony Minghella
Stars: Matt Damon, Jude Law, Gwyneth Paltrow, Cate Blanchett, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Jack Davenport
TALES FROM THE DARKSIDE: THE MOVIE
1990
*
A boy tells three stories to delay being cooked alive: Lot 249, Cat From Hell and Lover's Vow.
Entertaining compendium; tale one is a decent yarn adapted from a Conan Doyle original, tale two is stylish and gory, based on Stephen King’s writings, and the third is dark and creepy but predictable.
Dir: John Harrison
Stars: Deborah Harry, Christian Slater, Steve Buscemi, Julianne Moore
TALES FROM THE HOOD
1995
0
A funeral director tells four dark stories: Rogue Cop Revelation, Boys Do Get Bruised, KKK Comeuppance and Hard Core Convert.
The first three yarns stretch thin material to breaking point and the fourth just comes across as a politically furious rant which prolongs the pain. Incapable of painting characters in shades of grey, its anti-white agenda may alienate some, along with its superabundance of bad language and nasty violence.
Dir: Rusty Cundieff
Stars: Clarence Williams III, Wings Hauser, Joe Torry
TALES FROM THE CRYPT
1972
***
Five ghoulish stories: And All Through The House, Reflection Of Death, Poetic Justice, Wish You Were Here and Blind Alleys.
The best of the Amicus horror anthologies and possibly the all-time best of anyone's. The tales are varied, beautifully cast and pack a punch, with several having the real quality of nightmares, and strong, memorable imagery. The first is a visceral, appropriately dialogue-lite opener, the second short and impactful, the third not subtle (as none of them are) but delightful, the fourth properly ghastly, and the fifth particularly far-fetched but effective - they all lovingly pay tribute to the garish glories of EC Comics.
Dir: Freddie Francis
Stars: Joan Collins, Ian Hendry, Peter Cushing, Richard Greene, Patrick Magee, Nigel Patrick, Ralph Richardson
TALES FROM THE DARKSIDE: THE MOVIE
1990
*
A boy tells three stories to delay being cooked alive: Lot 249, Cat From Hell and Lover's Vow.
Entertaining compendium; tale one is a decent yarn adapted from a Conan Doyle original, tale two is stylish and gory, based on Stephen King’s writings, and the third is dark and creepy but predictable.
Dir: John Harrison
Stars: Deborah Harry, Christian Slater, Steve Buscemi, Julianne Moore
TALES FROM THE HOOD
1995
0
A funeral director tells four dark stories: Rogue Cop Revelation, Boys Do Get Bruised, KKK Comeuppance and Hard Core Convert.
The first three yarns stretch thin material to breaking point and the fourth just comes across as a politically furious rant which prolongs the pain. Incapable of painting characters in shades of grey, its anti-white agenda may alienate some, along with its superabundance of bad language and nasty violence.
Dir: Rusty Cundieff
Stars: Clarence Williams III, Wings Hauser, Joe Torry
TALES OF HALLOWEEN
2015
0
Ten horror stories: Sweet Tooth, The Night Billy Raised Hell, Trick, The Weak And The Wicked, Grim Grinning Ghost, Ding Dong, This Means War, Friday The 31st, The Ransom Of Rusty Rex and Bad Seed.
Too many of these tales (and perhaps there are too many of these tales) fail to make the necessary impact; they vary from disposable to tolerable. Easily pleased teenagers up for a scary movie will be its main cheerleaders.
Dir: various
Stars: Adrienne Barbeau, Hunter Smit, Barry Bostwick, Ben StillwellTALES OF MYSTERY AND IMAGINATION
1968
0
Three Edgar Alan Poe stories: Metzengerstein, William Wilson and Toby Dammit.
Filed under F for Failure, this pretentious anthology only comes to life with Fellini's nightmarish visions in the final segment.
Dir: Roger Vadim, Louis Malle, Federico Fellini
Stars: Jane Fonda, Peter Fonda, James Robertson Justice, Alain Delon, Brigitte Bardot, Terence Stamp
TALES OF ORDINARY MADNESS
1981
0
A man is a slave to the bottle and to women.
Rather stagnant attempt to bring Bukowski to the big screen; Factotum (qv) was more successful at conveying the bleary lifestyle in compelling fashion.
Dir: Marco Ferreri
Stars: Ben Gazzara, Ornella Muti, Susan Tyrrell
TALES OF TERROR
1962
*
Three Edgar Allen Poe stories: Morella, The Black Cat and The Case Of M Valdemar.
Ghoulish laughs and scares fortified by a splendid trio of lead actors, particularly Price who appears in all three stories. The first tale doesn’t quite have enough drama to sustain it; the second offers many hearty chuckles, especially during Lorre and Price’s wine-drinking competition; the third has a macabre charm – but all three tales could have done with a little cutting.
Dir: Roger Corman
Stars: Vincent Price, Peter Lorre, Basil Rathbone
TARANTULA
1955
*
A tarantula is injected with a special nutrient formula and grows to an enormous size. It then terrorises Arizona.
B-movie chiller with good special effects but no real surprises.
Dir: Jack Arnold
Stars: John Agar, Mara Corday, Leo G Carroll
TARGET EARTH
1954
0
Various people wake up to find themselves in a deserted city: why?
After a hugely promising beginning (similar to a clutch of other sci-fi classics) this gets badly bogged down: the actors appear stuck in treacle as they talk to one another in small rooms while a robot army - actually just the one [archetypally Fifties-ish] robot - wanders the streets and a group of military men chat away. Most of its time bit: 'Take it easy. I'm not going to hurt you.' [Slaps her]
Dir: Sherman A Rose
Stars: Richard Denning, Kathleen Crowley, Virginia Grey, Richard Reeves
TARGET FOR TONIGHT
1941
*
Wartime docudrama detailing an RAF bombing raid on Germany.
Disappointingly dated propaganda film that just doesn’t ring true, especially compared to the likes of 1945’s The True Glory (qv).
Dir: Harry Watt
TARGET: HARRY
1969
0
A pilot gets caught up in a smuggling plot.
Uninteresting, po-faced thriller originally made for television but rejected for being too violent; a decent cast is wasted in travelogue locations that fail to charm.
Dir: Roger Corman
Stars: Vic Morrow, Suzanne Pleshette, Victor Buono, Cesar Romero, Stanley Holloway, Charlotte Rampling, Milton Reid
TARGETS
1968
**
A horror film star feels his movies pale beside modern-day violence; meanwhile, a serial sniper is on the loose.
Taut melodrama which rises above its low budget to offer a succinct and frightening comment on crazy gun laws and the fine line between fantasy and reality.
Dir: Peter Bogdanovich
Stars: Boris Karloff, Tim O'Kelly, Arthur Peterson
TARZAN
1999
*
A male English baby is left in the jungle where he is brought up by apes.
Disney's cartoon is very much aimed at youngsters and is unfortunately saddled with an emetic songtrack by the ghastly Phil Collins; it hits all the beats you expect it to, including the PC ones, and looks decent enough. Funny that it's taken all these years to have a film simply called 'Tarzan'.
Dir: Chris Buck, Kevin Lima
Voices: Tony Goldwyn, Minnie Driver, Brian Blessed, Glenn Close, Nigel Hawthorne
TARZAN
2013
0
A boy grows up in the jungle after his parents are killed; eventually nefarious men arrive to look for a strange and powerful rock from space.
Motion-capture is the only noteworthy feature of this undistinguished effort, which is especially dull in the mid-section.
Dir: Reinhard Klooss
Voices: Kellan Lutz, Spencer Locke, Les Bubb
TARZAN AND HIS MATE
1934
**
English explorers try to persuade Jane to leave Tarzan and come home.
Probably the best of the Weissmuller Tarzans, this raw and vital adventure has a genuine erotic charge and a rip-roaring climax.
Dir: Cedric Gibbons
Stars: Johnny Weissmuller, Maureen O'Sullivan, Neil Hamilton
TARZAN & JANE
2005 (V)
*
Jane remembers three of her adventures with Tarzan.
Around this time Disney was releasing many straight-to-video sequels to their cinema movies, and this one is actually a kind of compilation of three episodes from The Legend Of Tarzan TV series, the episodes here being entitled British Invasion, Volcanic Diamond Mine and Flying Ace. The animators' idea of having jungle shadows cast on the characters is a debatable one but the stories are quite lively, the visuals are decent and it's quite likeable. Young children will enjoy it most.
Dir: Steve Loter etc
Voices: Michael T Weiss, Olivia D'Abo, Jeff Bennett
TARZAN AND THE AMAZONS
1945
0
Explorers attempt to steal gold from an obscure tribe of women.
Largely uninteresting antics – the majority of the film doesn’t deign to be part of the Amazons plotline and this Jane doesn’t convince at all; Cheetah is the best thing about it.
Dir: Kurt Neumann
Stars: Johnny Weissmuller, Brenda Joyce, Johnny Sheffield, Henry Stephenson, Maria Ouspenskaya
TARZAN AND THE GOLDEN LION
1927
0
Lord Greystoke's jungle is invaded by diamond thieves.
Primitive, unthrilling adventure with an unimposing Tarzan (who in real life married Edgar Rice Burroughs' daughter) but with brief better moments provided by a darkened Karloff. Once thought lost forever, its reappearance didn't set the world alight.
Dir: JP McGowan
Stars: James Pierce, Frederick Peters, Edna Murphy, Boris Karloff
TARZAN AND THE GREAT RIVER
1967
0
Tarzan heads to Brazil to stop an evil tribal cult.
Pathetic, juvenile stuff.
Dir: Robert Day
Stars: Mike Henry, Jan Murray, Manuel Padilla Jr
TARZAN AND THE GREEN GODDESS
1938
0
An edited version of the 1935 serial The New Adventures Of Tarzan (qv).
A weird little production with hilariously speeded up fights and a really awful Tarzan cry.
Dir: Edward A Kull, Wilbur McGaugh
Stars: Herman Brix (Bruce Bennett), Ula Holt, Frank Baker
TARZAN AND THE HUNTRESS
1947
0
An animal trainer's boss attempts to steal animals from the jungle.
Run of the mill entry, Sheffield's last as Boy.
Dir: Kurt Neumann
Stars: Johnny Weissmuller, Brenda Joyce, Johnny Sheffield, Patricia Morison
TARZAN AND THE JUNGLE BOY
1968
0
A search party scour the jungle for a boy lost some years previously.
Tedious rubbish which put a stop to the regular flow of Tarzans.
Dir: Robert Gordon
Stars: Mike Henry, Rafer Johnson, Aliza Gur
TARZAN AND THE LEOPARD WOMAN
1946
*
Tarzan battles a cult determined to keep Africa a primitive land.
Above average episode; Acquanetta as the titular villainess adds a bit of exotic colour.
Dir: Kurt Neumann
Stars: Johnny Weissmuller, Brenda Joyce, Johnny Sheffield, Acquanetta
TARZAN AND THE LOST CITY
1998
0
Tarzan protects Amazon from evil white men after a mythical city.
Clichéd adventure that looks like a TV movie trying to be like Indiana Jones.
Dir: Carl Schenkel
Stars: Casper Van Dien, Jane March, Steven Waddington
TARZAN AND THE LOST SAFARI
1957
0
The Jungle King leads five passengers from a crashed aircraft to safety.
Routine jungle antics, the first shot in colour and in African locations, which helps a bit.
Dir: H Bruce Humberstone
Stars: Gordon Scott, Robert Beatty, Yolande Donlan, Wilfrid Hyde-White, George Coulouris
TARZAN AND THE MERMAIDS
1948
0
An evil pearl trader gives Tarzan problems.
Weissmuller's final loin cloth outing was a location-shot 'epic' but suffers from padding despite its short running time.
Dir: Robert Florey
Stars: Johnny Weissmuller, Brenda Joyce, George Zucco
TARZAN AND THE SHE DEVIL
1953
0
Tarzan goes head to head with ivory poachers.
Thin Ape Man adventures with much stock footage, Barker's last in the role.
Dir: Kurt Neumann
Stars: Lex Barker, Joyce Mackenzie, Raymond Burr
TARZAN AND THE SLAVE GIRL
1951
0
A tribe kidnap Jane.
An hour of cheap jungle fun, done exactly the same as before.
Dir: Lee Sholem
Stars: Lex Barker, Vanessa Brown, Robert Alda, Hurd Hatfield
TARZAN AND THE VALLEY OF GOLD
1966
0
Tarzan battles a mad millionaire who believes in a fabled valley of gold.
Mike Henry's first sees the hero modernised and once you're over the shock, this colourful entry has the odd pleasure.
Dir: Robert Day
Stars: Mike Henry, David Opatoshu, Nancy Kovack
TARZAN ESCAPES
1936
*
A white hunter attempts to cage Tarzan and return him to civilisation.
Much re-cut yarn that's among the better ones in the series despite the growing domestication of Tarzan and Jane.
Dir: Richard Thorpe
Stars: Johnny Weissmuller, Maureen O'Sullivan, John Buckler, E E Clive
TARZAN FINDS A SON!
1939
*
The jungle pair find an orphan in the jungle and raise him as their own.
Patchy but generally agreeable adventure with the debut of Boy to add something different.
Dir: Richard Thorpe
Stars: Johnny Weissmuller, Maureen O'Sullivan, Johnny Sheffield, Ian Hunter
TARZAN GOES TO INDIA
1962
0
Tarzan helps save hundreds of elephants from drowning.
Location-shot, quite honourable but regrettably dull Ape Man anecdote.
Dir: John Guillermin
Stars: Jock Mahoney, Leo Gordon, Mark Dana
TARZAN IN MANHATTAN
1989 (TV)
0
The ape man travels to America when Cheeta is kidnapped.
Dumb fun that's pointless to take seriously; very much a TV movie, the bargain-bin actors are strangely likeable, especially Curtis, who's a bit of a hoot.
Dir: Michael Schultz
Stars: Joe Lara, Kim Crosby, Jan-Michael Vincent, Tony Curtis
TARZAN OF THE APES
1918
*
An aristocratic British couple die in the jungle but their son grows up to be its king.
The very first Tarzan film - the first of many - was a big popular success but now, of course, seems extremely basic; its naked boy Tarzan and some other aspects would also bother a modern-day audience. It's a fairly faithful adaptation of Burroughs' novel, and perfectly well constructed (an hour-long version is most commonly seen now), just not for anyone but Tarzan or silent film devotees. Lincoln, who very much looks of his time, played the ape man twice more.
Dir: Scott Sidney
Stars: Elmo Lincoln, Gordon Griffith, Enid Markey, True Boardman
TARZAN THE APE MAN
1932
*
Explorers in Africa include a young woman called Jane, who takes a shine to jungle living.
The first talkie Tarzan and the one with the best ever leads, this unrefined artefact contains a surprising amount of sex and violence.
Dir: W S Van Dyke
Stars: Johnny Weissmuller, Maureen O'Sullivan, Neil Hamilton, C Aubrey Smith
TARZAN THE APE MAN
1959
0
The ape man finds a new friend among some explorers.
Stodgy remake using much stock footage.
Dir: Joseph M Newman
Stars: Denny Miller, Cesare Danova, Joanna Barnes
TARZAN THE APE MAN
1981
0
The tale once more, mainly from Jane's point of view.
A truly abhorrent feature in which the viewer has to sit through mounds of tedium and irritating shouting by Harris to get to the sexy bits with dozy Bo; a rare example of a feature whose end credits are a thousand times more interesting than the film itself.
Dir: John Derek
Stars: Bo Derek, Richard Harris, John Phillip Law, Miles O'Keefe
TARZAN THE FEARLESS
1933
0
A price of £1,000 is put on Tarzan's head by white hunters.
As primitive as the ape man therein, and a chore to watch now. Edited from the first four chapters of a serial.
Dir: Robert F Hill
Stars: Buster Crabbe, Julie Bishop, Edward Woods
TARZAN THE MAGNIFICENT
1960
**
Tarzan escorts a dangerous prisoner out of the jungle to the authorities.
Confident, relatively sophisticated entry that benefits from no Jane, location shooting and a good cast.
Dir: Robert Day
Stars: Gordon Scott, Jock Mahoney, Betta St John, John Carradine, Lionel Jeffries
THE TEMP
1993
0
A businessman's secretary subtly makes life unbearable for him.
Dim thriller which gets more ridiculous the longer it lasts.
Dir: Tom Holland
Stars: Timothy Hutton, Lara Flynn Boyle, Dwight Schultz, Faye Dunaway
THE TEMPEST
1980
0
An elderly magician lives on a desolate isle with his innocent daughter.
The director's idiosyncratic take on Shakespeare's play is adorned with his usual bizarre and vulgar imagery and none the better for it.
Dir: Derek Jarman
Stars: Peter Bull, David Meyer, Neil Cunningham, Toyah Wilcox
THE TEMPEST
2010
*
Another version in which Prospero is a woman (Prospera).
The last of the Bard’s plays was never the most appealing, and this adaptation, despite iridescent special effects and star names, never looks to be capable of attracting more than a small audience. The director struggles to make the plot feel relevant or engage us with the characters, although it is impressively shot (on an obscure, privately-owned island).
Dir: Julie Taymor
Stars: Helen Mirren, Russell Brand, Djimon Hounsou, Alfred Molina, Alan Cumming, Tom Conti, Felicity Jones, David Strathairn, Ben Wishaw, Reeve Carney
‘10’
1979
*
A man scores women out of ten, then meets one who most definitely deserves the top score.
Fitfully funny comedy which made worldwide stars out of Moore and Derek, who here looks sensational.
Dir: Blake Edwards
Stars: Dudley Moore, Julie Andrews, Bo Derek, Robert Webber, Dee Wallace-Stone, Brian Dennehy
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS
1956
**
Moses frees the slaves and is given the law of God on a stone tablet.
De Mille's remake of his own 1923 film, endowed with even more spectacular Almighty-inspired special effects, is an example of decent, weighty, lengthy storytelling.
Dir: Cecil B De Mille
Stars: Charlton Heston, Yul Brynner, Anne Baxter, Edward G Robinson, Yvonne De Carlo, Debra Paget, Cedric Hardwicke, Nina Foch, Vincent Price, John Carradine
TEN LITTLE INDIANS
1966
*
Ten people are lured to an isolated house and killed one by one.
Sometimes light-hearted version of the Agatha Christie mystery, complete with a 'Whodunit Break' near the end (in some prints); perfectly tolerable and nicely wintry in its settings, although the direction is unremarkable.
Dir: George Pollock
Stars: Hugh O'Brian, Wilfrid Hyde-White, Dennis Price, Shirley Eaton, Fabian, Stanley Holloway, Leo Genn, Daliah Lavi
10 RILLINGTON PLACE
1971
*
The life and crimes of London murderer John Christie.
Rather pedestrian, giving little insight into his motives, and too earnestly unexciting for its own good.
Dir: Richard Fleischer
Stars: Richard Attenborough, Judy Geeson, John Hurt, Pat Heywood
THE TENANT
1976
0
A man moving into an apartment where the last tenant killed himself fears that it is his destiny to go the same way.
Long-drawn-out and boring psychological drama some way from the director's slightly similar Repulsion. Polanski's character elicits zero sympathy - is he even meant to? - and the fact that we're not sure what is real and what is fantasy blunts any would-be tension or drama.
Dir: Roman Polanski
Stars: Roman Polanski, Isabelle Adjani, Melvyn Douglas, Shelley Winters
TENDER AND PERVERSE EMMANUELLE
1973
0
A pianist is found dead at the bottom of a cliff.
Like a bad dream you'd have after eating too much cheese; you'd be mighty confused but at least enjoy the sexy bits if nothing else.
Dir: Jess Franco
Stars: Norma Castell, Jack Taylor, Lina Romay
TENDER COUSINS
1980
0
A 14-year-old boy takes his first steps into sex in a busy country house in 1939.
This photographer-turned-director may be able to frame a pretty picture but he knows very little about character or narrative, as way too many sketched-in folk amble around chitter-chattering to no discernible effect. There are moments of eroticism but the film’s a huge missed opportunity considering the storyline’s potential.
Dir: David Hamilton
Stars: Thierry Tevini, Anja Schute, Valerie Dumas
TENDER DRACULA
1974
0
Two writers spend the night at the castle of an actor known for his vampire roles.
A horror comedy musical that you quickly realise is senseless garbage without a single redeeming feature, including Cushing. Why did he sign up for trash like this?
Dir: Pierre Grunstein
Stars: Peter Cushing, Alida Valli, Nathalie Corval
TENDER MERCIES
1983
*
A country and western singer brought down by the booze takes up with a single mother.
Slight, low-key drama of redemption, quite nicely done but something of a wisp of a film.
Dir: Bruce Beresford
Stars: Robert Duvall, Tess Harper, Betty Buckley, Wilford Brimley, Ellen Barkin
TENEBRAE
1982
*
An American writer in Rome is stalked by a serial killer.
Ludicrous shocker with more holes than a string vest, redeemed by some smart dialogue and a vibrant sense of style.
Dir: Dario Argento
Stars: Anthony Franciosa, Christian Borromeo, Mirella D'Angelo
TENTACLES
1977
0
An octopus threatens a Florida resort.
Deadly Jaws rip-off which plays like a lesson in how not to make a thriller: scenes range from being weirdly insignificant and boring to hilariously inappropriate and badly done, such as the one in which the whale-keeper tells his pets to go and kill the octopus - which leads to the only half-decent sequence at the very end, although it's so dark it's difficult to see what's going on. Jaws sure did inspire some terrible movies.
Dir: Ovidio Assonitis
Stars: John Huston, Shelley Winters, Bo Hopkins, Henry Fonda
THE TENTH VICTIM
1965
0
At some point in the future, a deadly game is played where people hunt one another down.
Bland and uninvolving sci-fi satire that has compensations by way of the iridescent visuals; there are some nice ideas but it's all very silly.
Dir: Elio Petri
Stars: Marcello Mastroianni, Ursula Andress, Elsa Martinelli
TERKEL IN TROUBLE
2004
0
A boy bullied at school turns on his tormentors.
Astonishingly appalling drivel, an animated Danish feature that loses everything in translation, although it may well have always been plotless, irritating, unsympathetic, unfunny and inane.
Dir: Lresten Vestbjerg Andersen etc
Voices: Bill Bailey, Adrian Edmondson, Johnny Vegas
THE TERMINAL
2004
*
A man from an East European country becomes resident of an American airport when his nation is invaded.
Unconvincing drama with a sluggish pace and vats of sentimental sludge.
Dir: Steven Spielberg
Stars: Tom Hanks, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Stanley Tucci
THE TERMINAL MAN
1974
*
A scientist is given a microcomputer in his head to control his violent impulses, but things go wrong.
Slow starting sci-fi with a polished look.
Dir: Mike Hodges
Stars: George Segal, Joan Hackett, Richard A Dysart, Donald Moffat
THE TERMINATOR
1984
***
A cyborg from the future is sent to kill a woman who will give birth to a male who will go on to be victorious in a war against robots.
Ruthless, thrilling sci-fi that gave the monosyllabic star one of his most iconic roles.
Dir: James Cameron
Stars: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Michael Biehn, Linda Hamilton, Lance Henriksen
TERMINATOR 2: JUDGEMENT DAY
1991
****
A cyborg arrives from the future to kill John Connor, but help is at hand.
Almost relentless action thriller whose superbly realised chase and combat sequences more than mask the minor holes in the compelling story; easily the best of the Terminator films, and one of the best action pictures of the Nineties, it also finds time for humour and pathos, alongside stunning imagery and revolutionary special effects. It goes straight to the top of the class.
Dir: James Cameron
Stars: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton, Edward Furlong, Robert Patrick
TERMINATOR 3: RISE OF THE MACHINES
2003
0
A female Terminator comes from the future to slay John Connor.
Soulless, vacuous, ridiculous sequel whose lenient 12 certificate brings shame on the BBFC.
Dir: Jonathan Mostow
Stars: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Nick Stahl, Claire Danes, Kristanna Loken
TERMINUS
1961
**
Documentary following comings and goings at London's Waterloo station.
A valuable slice of real-life filmmaking that provides a droll look at everyday existence.
Dir: John Schlesinger
TERMS OF ENDEARMENT
1983
***
An eccentric widow dabbles in dating while her daughter struggles with bringing up a family.
Loosely constructed but immensely successful combination of laughs and tears that allows the actors to perform at optimum levels. Viewed in the right mood it's emotionally devastating by its conclusion; viewed in a less forgiving mood it can seem rather like a schmaltzy TV movie, but star quality and smart scripting still shine through.
Dir: James L Brooks
Stars: Shirley MacLaine, Debra Winger, Jack Nicholson, Jeff Daniels, John Lithgow, Danny DeVito
THE TERROR
1963
0
A soldier in Napoleon's army pursues a mysterious young woman to an elderly baron's castle.
The stories behind this film are more fulsome than the plot itself - after an enticing beginning it soon turns into a bit of a shaggy-dog story, although there's some distinct imagery (and grand sets from previous Corman horrors). What's most interesting is the collision of the two stars, each representing such very different eras of the movies.
Dir: Roger Corman (and others)
Stars: Jack Nicholson, Boris Karloff, Sandra Knight, Dick Miller
TERROR AT LONDON BRIDGE
1985 (TV)
0
London Bridge is moved brick by brick to Arizona, and a phantom of Jack the Ripper appears to go with it.
Bizarre little horror with shocks telegraphed well in advance; but not quite as bad as it might have been.
Dir: E W Swackhamer
Stars: David Hasselhoff, Adrienne Barbeau, Clu Gulager
TERROR AT THE OPERA
1990
*
An opera singer is plagued by a deranged fan.
The photography is more than stylish, the story somewhat senseless and the Sound Of Music ending a mistake.
Dir: Dario Argento
Stars: Cristina Marsillach, Ian Charleson, Daria Nicolodi
TERROR EXPRESS!
1979
*
A gang of thugs terrorise the inhabitants of a night train.
Deliciously seedy and sleazy shocker with utterly corrupt morals. Sounds bad to say it, but it's quite refreshing to see artistic endeavour so freely expressed.
Dir: Ferdinando Baldi
Stars: Silvia Dionisio, Werner Pochath, Zora Kerova
TERROR EYES
1981
*
A murderer in a motorcycle helmet picks off pupils from a night school.
Adequate, rather wishy-washy horror thriller with a few above average scenes, chiefly the ones in the shower and the cafe kitchen, which both slowly build titillating suspense. The motorcyclist killer’s getup is also quite effective.
Dir: Ken Hughes
Stars: Leonard Mann, Rachel Ward, Drew Snyder
TERROR FROM THE YEAR 5000
1958
0
Scientists discover an object sent from the future.
The title's fab, the poster's fab, the premise is pretty good... but the film is awful, with people wandering about and chatting to no one's benefit; as Bill Warren said, it has a hangdog air about it. One suspects that the director had a fondness for ladies' bare bodies but wasn't allowed to show any.
Dir: Robert J Gurney Jr
Stars: Ward Costello, Joyce Holden, Frederic Downs
TERROR IN THE AISLES
1984
*
Compilation of clips and trailers from mainly horror films.
Curious but somehow beguiling oddity that features clips from films as diverse as The Omen, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Scared Stiff and Marathon Man. Nothing's particularly scary because the footage is all ripped out of context, but there's some pleasure is seeing them assembled into a celebration of the genre.
Dir: Andrew J Kuehn
Stars: Donald Pleasence, Nancy Allen
TERROR IN THE WAX MUSEUM
1973
0
The owner of a wax museum gets villainous exhibit figures to do his dirty work.
Shoddily made horror, a bit like a TV movie, which provides the odd decent waxwork-inspired shock for us and the elderly cast.
Dir: Georg Fenady
Stars: Ray Milland, Broderick Crawford, Elsa Lanchester, Louis Hayward, Maurice Evans, John Carradine
TERROR IS A MAN
1959
0
A sailor washes up on an island where a scientist is carrying out unethical experiments.
Slow, moody retread of The Island Of Dr Moreau which turns up the frights towards the end - the creature looks and sounds really quite unpleasant. The first Philippines horror film released in the US.
Dir: Gerry de Leon
Stars: Francis Lederer, Greta Thyssen, Richard Derr
TERROR OF MECHAGODZILLA
1974
0
Godzilla faces a mechanical version of himself.
The makers of these Japanese Godzilla films rarely strayed from their nutty formula, and one imagines poor little kids sat in the cinema, dumped there by their parents. It's interesting to note, however, the devoted following the series has by otherwise intelligent European and American adults.
Dir: Ishiro Honda
Stars: Katsuhiko Sasaki, Tomoko Ai
THE TERROR OF THE TONGS
1961
*
In Hong Kong in 1910, an evil gang rules the province.
Flattish Hammer yarn enlivened by the odd gory moment, Lee's usual majesty, colour, and that special 'feel' that the studio was beginning to regularly deliver. Quite a slight yarn, it provides minor pleasures rather than pain (except for many of the Tongs' victims...).
Dir: Anthony Bushell
Stars: Geoffrey Toone, Christopher Lee, Yvonne Monlaur, Roger Delgado, Burt Kwouk
TERROR ON THE 40TH FLOOR
1974 (TV)
0
The Christmas office party is interrupted by fire.
TV's Towering Inferno, boring and padded, and peopled by cardboard characters who aren't even played by star names.
Dir: Jerry Jameson
Stars: John Forsythe, Joseph Campanella, Lynn Carlin
TERROR TRACT
2000
0
An estate agent tells three gruesome stories connected with three houses: Nightmare, Bobo and Come To Granny (the wraparound tale is known as Make Me An Offer).
Stories one and two are both elongated and absurd - the father in Bobo is clearly the stupidest father who ever existed - but at least the first has quite a neat ending. Story three is likeably daft, as is the wraparound story, which ends on an overblown comedy note. But this often familiar anthology struggles to play better than your average TV movie, and it could have done with a better title (among other things).
Dir: Lance W Dreese, Clint Hutchison
Stars: John Ritter, David DeLuise, Allison Smith
TERRORGRAM
1988
0
Three tales instigated by a mysterious delivery: Heroine Addiction, Pandora and Veteran's Day.
Low budget horror anthology very much bent on delivering a comeuppance to its protagonists; the first story is the best of a bad lot, with some knowing humour, the second is even less subtle than its predecessor and the third wears on for too long.
Dir: Stephen M Kienzle
Stars: Steven Field, JT Wallace, Jerry Anderson, Linda Carol Toner, James Earl Jones
TERRY ON THE FENCE
1985
*
A young lad gets involved with a gang of ruffians.
One of the last Children's Film Foundation productions, this is one of the most gritty entries, and its grainy 16mm aspect seems apt for a tale involving violence and threat among soon-to-be-renovated districts of South London. In aiming to present a story of moral light and shade for youngsters, it more or less succeeds.
Dir: Frank Godwin
Stars: Jack McNicholl, Neville Watson, Tracey Ann-Morris
TESS
1981
**
In the 19th century, a simple rural girl is sought by two different men.
Classy version of Thomas Hardy's novel in which both the star and the surrounding landscape look gorgeous.
Dir: Roman Polanski
Stars: Nastassja Kinski, Peter Firth, Leigh Lawson, John Collin
TEST PILOT
1938
*
A woman marries a daring test pilot whose every trip may be his last.
Odd, reasonably endearing drama with lightheartedness and romance, not entirely unpredictable, a tad too long. The flying scenes must have thrilled back in the day.
Dir: Victor Fleming
Stars: Clark Gable, Myrna Loy, Spencer Tracy, Lionel Barrymore
TESTAMENT
1983
*
Life for an American family after a nuclear attack.
Low key, glum post-apocalyptic drama concentrating on personal agonies.
Dir: Lynne Littman
Stars: Jane Alexander, William Devane, Lukas Haas
TEXAS CHAINSAW 3D
2013
0
A teenage girl discovers she is related to Leatherface's family.
Sequel to the 1974 film that lacks personality and anything like the intensity of the original. It has little to offer except Alexandra Daddario's flat stomach.
Dir: John Luessenhop
Stars: Alexandra Daddario, Tanya Raymonde, Scott Eastwood, Dan Yeager
THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE
2003
**
Slick remake that's technically better than the original if without its rawness. It hikes the tension up early on and keeps it at a pitch.
Dir: Marcus Nispel
Stars: Jessica Biel, Jonathan Tucker, Erica Leerhsen, R Lee Ermey, Andrew Bryniarski
THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE PART 2
1986
*
A marshal goes after the cannibal family.
Madcap sequel that effectively turns into a hilarious, even more violent remake of the first movie.
Dir: Tobe Hooper
Stars: Dennis Hopper, Caroline Williams, Bill Moseley
Sequel: Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (qv)
THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE BEGINNING
2006
0
In 1969 four young people encounter the cannibalistic family.
Rather tiresome torture porn that doesn’t offer many surprises.
Dir: Jonathan Liebesman
Stars: Jordana Brewster, Taylor Handley, Diora Baird, Matt Bomer, R Lee Ermey
TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE NEXT GENERATION
1994
0
Teenagers on their prom night get lost in the woods where they meet a warped, murderous family.
A film that is nowhere near as bad as some have claimed: like most of the TCM movies it's essentially a retread of the first one, only here Leatherface is bizarrely done out like a woman and doesn't kill anyone. Future stars Zellweger and McConaughey add some gravitas to the strange, disturbing proceedings, and even if the film doesn't really go anywhere, and ends on an extremely odd note, it's worth seeing for followers of the franchise, as it immerses the audience in a very different, uncomfortable reality.
Dir: Kim Henkel
Stars: Renee Zellweger, Matthew McConaughey, Robert Jacks
THANK YOU FOR SMOKING
2005
***
A spinmaster for a tobacco company is forced to examine his role.
Super-smart satire that sees the best dialogue in years mouthed by a fine cast under quirky but sure-handed direction.
Dir: Jason Reitman
Stars: Aaron Eckhart, Maria Bello, William H Macy, Rob Lowe, Katie Holmes, Robert Duvall
THANK YOU, JEEVES!
1936
0
English aristocrat Bertie Wooster and his manservant Jeeves get involved in a mysterious woman and some shady hoods.
When is PG Wodehouse not PG Wodehouse? When it's this first movie version of Jeeves and Wooster who are present in name only and take part in a minor criminal caper that obviously isn't even in London. Moderate pleasures, and a long way from the sophistication and wit of the books.
Dir: Arthur Greville Collins
Stars: David Niven, Arthur Treacher, Virginia Field
THAT KIND OF GIRL
1963
*
A beautiful Austrian au pair in London unfortunately contracts VD.
A warning against sexual promiscuousness that thankfully doesn’t become preachy until the latter stages – before then we get a rather sweet tale of naivety set against a background that captures a flavour of the times. Although made very cheaply and with an intrusive score, it has some quiet charm.
Dir: Gerry O’Hara
Stars: Margaret-Rose Keil, David Weston, Linda Marlowe, Peter Burton
THAT SUMMER!
1979
*
Two northern girls head to Torquay to work as chambermaids where they meet different males vying for their attention.
Nostalgia enshrouds this parochial drama, but presumably that was the idea from the start – note the tense of the title – and viewed now, nostalgia is certainly what you feel, ostensibly for far away west coast summers discovering the opposite sex, real life and another corner of the world. Dramatically and technically it’s no great shakes, but it doesn’t matter too much: you go with it because of the mood and the feelings it imbues, not to mention the great music often playing in the background.
Dir: Harvey Cokeliss
Stars: Ray Winstone, Emily Moore, Tony London, Julie Shipley
THAT TOUCH OF MINK
1962
*
A rich businessman is smitten with a woman whose coat he dirties.
Of its time comic romance, somewhat obsessed with sex, that could be all sorts of 'inappropriate' to certain modern viewers: more importantly, judged now it's just not that thrilling. Neither star would do this sort of thing for much longer.
Dir: Delbert Mann
Stars: Cary Grant, Doris Day, Gig Young, John Astin
THAT’LL BE THE DAY
1973
*
A discontented young man decides on a career in the pop business.
Curious, downbeat drama which kind of ends at what could be the beginning. In its favour, the cast and song numbers have interest.
Dir: Claude Whatham
Stars: David Essex, Ringo Starr, Rosemary Leach, James Booth, Billy Fury, Keith Moon
THAT'S SEXPLOITATION!
2013
*
Documentary about American sexploitation films from the 1920s to the 1970s.
Essentially an advert for the Something Weird video label, this features an enormous amount of trailers and footage from various slipshod sexy efforts, many curated by Friedman, who has a very good memory (and who died shortly after completing this). There's some fun stuff here but the film is at least half an hour too long and gets boring at times.
Dir/Narrator: Frank Henenlotter
Stars: David F Friedman
THAT'S YOUR FUNERAL
1972
0
Rival funeral firms do battle.
There's not a single laugh in this comedy, perhaps the all-time low of Hammer films; the stiflingly male-heavy cast (there's one female speaking part) struggle through a verbose, wearying plot it's difficult to want to keep up with. This unwelcome spin-off from a nondescript TV series is so incompetent that the opening titles spell That's without an apostrophe.
Dir: John Robins
Stars: Bill Fraser, Raymond Huntley, David Battley, Dennis Price
THEATRE OF DEATH
1966
0
Vampiric murders in Paris are traced back to a theatre.
Dingy thriller with very little horror or flavour of Paris.
Dir: Samuel Gallu
Stars: Christopher Lee, Julian Glover, Leila Goldoni
THEIR FIRST MISTAKE
1932
**
Ollie adopts a baby to assuage his wife, but he and Stan end up having to care for it.
Bright star comedy with a particularly splendid first two thirds, as the boys set out their demented plan for happiness; it then runs out of ideas and ends on an inconsequential note.
Dir: George Marshall
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Mae Busch, Billy Gilbert
THEIR PURPLE MOMENT
1928
*
Stan and Ollie sneak out on their wives for a night on the town.
The ideas in this short would be developed with more success later; here the comedy bubbles along nicely enough until the rather abrupt, unsatisfying conclusion.
Dir: James Parrott
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Tiny Sandford
THELMA & LOUISE
1991
**
A waitress and a housewife shoot a rapist and take off in their car through the desert.
Smart and offbeat road movie, skilfully shot and performed, a satisfying entertainment.
Dir: Ridley Scott
Stars: Susan Sarandon, Geena Davis, Harvey Keitel, Michael Madsen, Brad Pitt
THEM!
1954
**
Thanks to nuclear tests, ants grow to an enormous size and attack the population.
Beginning with eerie desert scenes and ending in fiery sewer destruction, this is the first and possibly best of the '50s giant bug movies, although it has less impact now, inevitably. One problem is that the threat is more talked about than seen (there are a lot of meetings in this movie), and the critters themselves aren’t hugely impressive; the real-life nature film about ants shown halfway is probably the most fascinating bit of it.
Dir: Gordon Douglas
Stars: James Whitmore, Edmund Gwenn, Joan Weldon, James Arness
THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING
2014
**
The life of physicist Stephen Hawking from him meeting his first wife to the publication of his bestseller A Brief History Of Time.
The story of an extraordinary man - and an extraordinary medical case - told in a straightforward, no-frills fashion, which actually suits it very well; refreshingly free of cliche, it's never less than authentic looking and assuredly handled, and boats the performance of a lifetime from Redmayne.
Dir: James Marsh
Stars: Eddie Redmayne, Felicity Jones, Tom Prior, David Thewlis
THERE WILL BE BLOOD
2007
***
At the start of the 20th century, an oil man tries to make as much money as possible by finding lucrative new fields.
Character-driven epic that offers a great deal to chew on and admire: the sweeping cinematography, a meaty, layered storyline, an unusual, effective score and, most of all, Day-Lewis's deep, textured performance that’s worth the price of admission alone – he ensures that nothing is assumable about his character and, as the movie progresses, it becomes impossible to guess what he will do next. Remarkably different from pretty much any other film, it's easily one of the best of its year.
Dir: Paul Thomas Anderson
Stars: Daniel Day-Lewis, Paul Dano, Kevin J O’Connor, Ciaran Hinds
THERE’S A GIRL IN MY SOUP
1970
*
A vain, womanising TV personality takes on the tough job of seducing a 19-year-old girl he desires.
Sellers just about lifts this middling, aimless sex comedy out of the ordinary, wickedly playing an ageing lothario with similarities to his real life self. It still can't escape its stage origins, though, and nowadays plays a little oddly - there are certainly not that many laughs in it.
Dir: Roy Boulting
Stars: Peter Sellers, Goldie Hawn, Tony Britton, Nicky Henson, Diana Dors
THERE’S NO BUSINESS LIKE SHOW BUSINESS
1954
*
A family showbiz act begins to break up when one meets a beautiful girl.
Entertaining musical with good tunes and cast, particularly a luscious Monroe.
Dir: Walter Lang
Stars: Marilyn Monroe, Dan Dailey, Ethel Merman, Donald O'Connor
THERE’S ONLY ONE JIMMY GRIMBLE
2000
*
A bullied schoolboy takes solace in football, and tastes success thanks to a former professional player.
Hardly original or unpredictable drama which nevertheless, after a gloomy start, becomes quite uplifting.
Dir: John Hay
Stars: Lewis McKenzie, Jane Lapotaire, Gina McKee, Robert Carlyle
THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY
1998
*
A man gets the chance to once again meet up with the girl he adored at high school.
Nasty comedy that treads an uncertain line between high farce (which is sometimes very funny) and serious unpleasantness.
Dir: Bobby Farrelly, Peter Farrelly
Stars: Cameron Diaz, Matt Dillon, Ben Stiller, Lee Evans
THEY DRIVE BY NIGHT
1938
**
An ex con is accused of the murder of his girlfriend.
Superior British thriller showing some excellent work, particularly in the first half.
Dir: Arthur B Woods
Stars: Emlyn Williams, Ernest Thesiger, Anna Konstam
THEY GO BOOM
1929
*
Stan tries to help Ollie with his cold, but only makes things worse.
Confined star comedy providing some amusement; there’s little that’s truly side-splitting but it’s nice to see them work pratfalls out of a very limited plot. A couple of years later, after the partnership had been further honed and the dialogue advanced, they added a dog to the basic scenario, with much success, in Laughing Gravy (qv, natch).
Dir: James Parrott
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Charlie Hall
THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS
1972
0
A modern-day New Yorker believes that he is Sherlock Holmes.
A strange film about hiding from the awfulness of reality that’s not especially appetising.
Dir: Anthony Harvey
Stars: George C Scott, Joanne Woodward, Jack Gilford
THEY SHALL NOT GROW OLD
2018
***
Documentary about the First World War that uses mostly colourised footage from the conflict set to the remembrances of the Allied soldiers involved.
Not just a triumph of 21st century technology (its many innovations include adding a verbal soundtrack to 100-year-old silent film, achieved through lip-reading) but a stirring chronicle of first-hand experiences - which are relentlessly delivered amidst remarkable pictures that make it feel like this all happened yesterday. Maybe that's the point: that just because this is 'history' we should not ignore it or think it not relevant to us. Whatever the case, it's a valuable document.
Dir: Peter Jackson
THEY SHOOT HORSES, DON'T THEY?
1969
**
Desperate contestants take part in a prize-winning dance marathon in Depression-era America.
Movies do not get much bleaker than this one, and while made with great skill, in the end it's just so wretchedly depressing as to be almost laughable (and you'd be forgiven for branding the climax ridiculous): the mood is set by the beautiful but permanently vile Fonda, acting her heart out, and the 'derby' scenes are brutal and remarkable. The story, what there is of it, sometimes stops dead still for more anguish and fretting. Perhaps the details are accurate, but did such marathons really go on for weeks and weeks? How did these characters manage to compete in them?
Dir: Sydney Pollack
Stars: Jane Fonda, Michael Sarrazin, Gig Young, Susannah York, Red Buttons
THEY’RE PLAYING WITH FIRE
1984
0
A man appears to be murdering his way to an inheritance.
Acceptable exploitation film in which the killer can be guessed 20 minutes from the end. Danning could never be a teacher.
Dir: Howard Avedis
Stars: Sybil Danning, Eric Brown, Andrew Prine
THICKER THAN WATER
1935
**
Stan and Ollie waste the housekeeping money on a grandfather clock which is promptly destroyed.
The boys' last short is much better than some say and has some quirky ideas, including the optical wipes and the finale in which Stan and Ollie end up having swapped bodies. There's also plenty of priceless absurdist inanity, and Finlayson's wonderful 'he gave that to you, you gave that to him...' bluster.
Dir: James W Horne
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Daphne Pollard, James Finlayson, Charlie Hall
THE THIEF
1952
0
A nuclear physicist in Washington is really a foreign spy.
An attempt to make a thriller with no dialogue whatsoever - not surprisingly the strain soon shows and the film struggles to maintain the interest.
Dir: Russell Rouse
Stars: Ray Milland, Martin Gabel, Harry Bronson
THE THIEF
1997
***
Soon after World War Two, a woman with a young son meets a soldier who is not all he seems.
One of the best and most accessible Russian films of recent decades, this is a stirring, human drama about how children can be betrayed by adults; much of the imagery may be dour but it fittingly embellishes the sad, emotional tale.
Dir: Pavel Chukhray
Stars: Vladimir Mashkov, Yekaterina Rednikova, Mikhail Filipchuk
THE THIEF OF BAGDAD
1924
*
To win the hand of a Caliph's daughter, a thief embarks on a perilous quest.
What was breathtaking and bewitching at the time now seems obvious and yawn-worthy, although the monsters have retained a certain charm.
Dir: Raoul Walsh
Stars: Douglas Fairbanks, Snitz Edwards, Charles Belcher
THE THIEF OF BAGHDAD
1978
0
A wily thief helps a prince win the hand of a beautiful princess.
Made for TV but given a cinema release in Britain, this pedestrian remake lacks the splendour and technical proficiency of the movie made 38 years previously.
Dir: Clive Donner
Stars: Roddy McDowall, Frank Finlay, Peter Ustinov, Terence Stamp, Ian Holm
THIEF OF HEARTS
1984
0
A married woman is seduced by a stranger who knows all about her because he has read her diaries.
Minor studio product, something to watch on a rainy day.
Dir: Douglas Day Stewart
Stars: Steven Bauer, Barbara Williams, John Getz, David Caruso
THE THIN BLUE LINE
1988
*
Documentary which successfully attempted to prove the innocence of a man accused of killing a policeman.
Probing and responsible filmmaking that’s among the most praised of its genre – it’s certainly tightly controlled and technically adept but it can’t escape the fact that it’s largely footage of people sitting talking to the camera.
Dir: Errol Morris
THE THIN MAN
1934
***
A husband and wife detective team solve a murder.
Delightful freewheeling comedy thriller which spawned several imitations and sequels.
Dir: W S Van Dyke
Stars: William Powell, Myrna Loy, Maureen O'Sullivan, Cesar Romero
THE THIN RED LINE
1998
**
In 1942, American soldiers aim to take a hill occupied by the Japanese.
A very typical film of its director, this is an intelligent and beautifully photographed but confused, sometimes dull and overlong picture that will likely split its audience down the middle. Unfailingly arty, perhaps it's ironic that by far the most arresting sequences are those that feature the fighting, which is convincingly shot and exciting; one suspects that the director may not be keen on this verdict.
Dir: Terrence Malick
Stars: Sean Penn, Jim Caviezel, Nick Nolte, Adrien Brody, Woody Harrelson, John Travolta, George Clooney, John Cusack, Ben Chaplin
THE THING
1982
***
Scientists in the Antarctic are menaced by a shape-shifting alien.
Superior remake of the below that ratchets up the tension, then frequently splits it asunder with superbly gruesome special effects.
Dir: John Carpenter
Stars: Kurt Russell, Wilford Brimley, T K Carter, Keith David
THE THING FROM ANOTHER WORLD
1951
**
Scientists battle a blood-thirsty alien amid snowy wastes.
Terse sci-fi offering a few well-timed shocks.
Dir: Christian Nyby, Howard Hawks
Stars: Kenneth Tobey, Margaret Sheridan, James Arness
THINGS TO COME
1936
***
Earth's future goes from war and deprivation to a new age of reason.
For the time, a movie that was immense in scope and ambition and one that dazzled and frightened movie goers. Time has not treated it well, with the stilted acting and dry, humourless scripting being particularly evident, but it remains a dynamic spectacle that still demands attention.
Dir: William Cameron Menzies
Stars: Raymond Massey, Edward Chapman, Ralph Richardson, Cedric Hardwicke
THE THIRD MAN
1949
****
An American writer arriving in post-war Vienna is informed that the friend who was waiting for him has been murdered.
A classic slice of post-war cinema that's strikingly shot from first frame to last, backed by that zimmer score and bolstered by superb performances from every member of the cast. One of the great British films, and certainly one of the most astonishingly original.
Dir: Carol Reed
Stars: Joseph Cotten, Alida Valli, Orson Welles, Trevor Howard, Bernard Lee, Wilfrid Hyde-White, Paul Horbiger
THIRST
1979
*
A modern-day vampire cult try to recruit the ancestor of legendary bloodsucker Elizabeth Bathory.
The concept is fairly original and there are some attention-grabbing surreal images, but the plot's thinness does show through – a sparse amount of dialogue and an ambling, dreamlike midsection are notable signs of this.
Dir: Rod Hardy
Stars: Chantal Contouri, Shirley Cameron, Max Phipps, David Hemmings
THIRTEEN GHOSTS
2001
0
A family are forced to endure a house that is a box of deadly tricks as part of an inheritance.
A lesson in how not to make a shocker, this tat is devoid of suspense and subtlety, has a rubbish cast, is confined and claustrophobic, and is never less than extremely grating.
Dir: Steve Beck
Stars: Tony Shalhoub, Embeth Davidtz, Matthew Lillard, Shannon Elizabeth
THOR
2011
*
The god of thunder comes to Earth to learn some humility.
Thor never was a particularly interesting or likeable superhero and this production doesn’t do much to make him any more empathetic, or a big-time player, but it’s not a bad movie, although the pacing is not quite right and locations a little odd.
Dir: Kenneth Branagh
Stars: Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Tom Hiddleston, Anthony Hopkins
THOR: THE DARK WORLD
2013
*
Thor faces the threat of Malekith and the Dark Elves.
Confident follow-up with a fair bit of humour, though probably not enough to make it sympathetic - it has too much sci-fi and fantasy to interest as a human story. Legitimate moans might also include that there's not enough Loki and most characters are just sketched in, but it's quite lively by the end and the London locations help.
Dir: Alan Taylor
Stars: Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Tom Hiddleston, Anthony Hopkins, Christopher Eccleston
THOR: RAGNAROK
2017
**
Thor must defeat goddess Hela to free Asgard, but is imprisoned on another planet.
Easily the best of the Thor movies, and one of the better Marvel Universe ones, this light-hearted blockbuster with the usual stupendous special effects works because it doesn't take the fantasy stuff 'n' nonsense too seriously, cracking jokes at every opportunity, and because it's pacey, colourful and full of decent actors giving it a good go (apart from dull Elba and Thompson, who convinces neither as a boozer nor a warrior). It gets away with making Thor a bit of a buffoon, not to mention being the whipping boy of females, and gives the audience as fun a time as it looks like was had on set (but watching it once is, as ever, probably enough).
Dir: Taika Waititi
Stars: Chris Hemsworth, Tom Hiddleston, Cate Blanchett, Mark Ruffalo, Anthony Hopkins, Benedict Cumberbatch, Tessa Thompson, Jeff Goldblum, Idris Elba, Karl Urban
THOR THE CONQUEROR
1982
0
Thor goes on a conquest to avenge his dead father.
The worst sword and sorcery picture you could possibly imagine.
Dir: Tonino Ricci
Stars: Conrad Nichols, Maria Romano, Malisa Lang
THOSE WERE THE DAYS
1934
*
A magistrate visits a music hall against the wishes of his father.
The great Will Hay's first film vehicle is essentially a record of the music hall - which was in decline when this came out - and is therefore largely of historical interest.
Dir: Thomas Bentley
Stars: Will Hay, Iris Hoey, John Mills
A THOUSAND AND ONE NIGHTS
1944
0
Aladdin uses a genie to help him win a princess' hand.
Dull Arabian Nights comedy.
Dir: Alfred E Green
Stars: Cornel Wilde, Evelyn Keyes, Phil Silvers, Adele Jergens
A THOUSAND CLOWNS
1965
0
An unemployed man faces losing custody of his young ward.
Passé not to say unbearable drama which for the most part is hideously theatrical (it was based on a two-set play) but unsuccessfully tries to disguise this by having 'quirky' scenes out in New York City set to silly music, which only serve to irritate. Robards isn't at all right for the role, Balsam isn't in it long enough to deserve his Oscar and Gordon was nearer 17 than the 12-year-old he is meant to be playing. Whatever it was once trying to verbosely say it's not saying anything of interest now.
Dir: Fred Coe
Stars: Jason Robards, Barry Gordon, Martin Balsam, Barbara Harris, Gene Saks
1,000 CONVICTS AND A WOMAN
1971
*
The sexually promiscuous daughter of a prison governor causes chaos at his establishment.
Inviting exploitation sub-matter, quite fun until it gets a bit exhausted later on.
Dir: Ray Austin
Stars: Alexandra Hay, Sandor Eles, Harry Baird, Neil Hallet
THREE
2006
0
After their boat is wrecked, two angry men and a desirable woman end up on island.
Lousy continuity is the least of this thriller's worries, with absurdities too many to list - although you could start with the waterproof cigarettes and the lack of sunburn - and characters that do not behave in any sort of believable manner. Still, the sea's a nice shade of blue and Miss Brook is exceptionally easy on the eye.
Dir: Stewart Raffill
Stars: Billy Zane, Kelly Brook, Juan Pablo Di Pace
THREE AMIGOS
1987
0
Three actors head to a Mexican village to perform as bandits, unaware that it is the real thing.
Forced, childish comedy revelling in old jokes.
Dir: John Landis
Stars: Chevy Chase, Steve Martin, Martin Short
THREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE EBBING, MISSOURI
2017
***
A mother whose daughter has been raped and killed takes dramatic action when the case remains unsolved.
Not your average movie: a blacker-than-black black comedy that examines guilt, forgiveness, redemption and how anger begets anger through a roster of multi-dimensional characters. It never does anything that is predictable and keeps you on edge through the hate that continually bubbles below the surface - it feels like it could at any time explode into violence, and there are indeed many jaw-dropping moments in its caustic and twisted universe; easily one of the best films of its year.
Dir: Martin McDonagh
Stars: Frances McDormand, Sam Rockwell, Woody Harrelson, Caleb Landry Jones
THREE CASES OF MURDER
1954
*
Three stories of expiration: In The Picture, You Killed Elizabeth and Lord Mountdrago.
Likeable compendium; the first tale is imaginative and stylish if a little on the verbose side, the second is utter piffle but still quite fun, the third sees a richly enjoyable performance from Welles although the intrinsic logic of the story is at fault: in the House of Commons, a politician has a right to do down an opponent; it’s also unlikely that Mountdrago would be later perturbed by this Welsh pipsqueak. The sequences where Welles loses his trousers and sings to the House are a hoot.
Dir: David Eady, Wendy Toye, George More O'Ferrall
Stars: Orson Welles, John Gregson, Emrys Jones, Elizabeth Sellars, Andre Morell, Alan Badel, Eamonn Andrews
THREE COINS IN THE FOUNTAIN
1954
*
Three American women in Rome find romance.
Popular in its day, the main attractions of this wishy-washy drama are now largely scenic, and although the concept is attractive it isn't bolstered by a sharp script. Plus the cast aren't very exciting.
Dir: Jean Negulesco
Stars: Dorothy McGuire, Jean Peters, Clifton Webb, Louis Jordan, Maggie McNamara, Rossano Brazzi
THREE COLOURS: BLUE
1993
**
A woman withdraws from life after the death of her husband and daughter.
Exquisitely shot in a manner that illustrates Binoche’s character’s relationship with the world, the first part of the Colours trilogy – which concerns liberty, equality and fraternity - is not nearly as bleak as it might have been and benefits from a flawless lead performance.
Dir: Krzysztof Kieslowski
Stars: Juliette Binoche, Benoit Regent, Florence Pernel
THREE COLOURS: WHITE
1994
**
A Polish man is humiliated by his French wife and seeks revenge.
The middle instalment maintains the standard of the first and tells an interesting tale with oodles of metaphor - but it's never less than chilly and detached.
Dir: Krzysztof Kieslowski
Stars: Zbigniew Zamachowski, Julie Delphy, Janusz Gajos
THREE COLOURS: RED
1994
*
A beautiful model runs over the dog of a retired judge who spies on his neighbours; they strike up a strange friendship.
The final part of Kieslowski's Colours trilogy had many critics in raptures, but despite its intellectual grounding it is not an especially engaging or enlightening film - the overall effect is muffled and as the plot features characters who pass like ships in the night you feel little for them, and by extension, little for the film itself.
Dir: Krzysztof Kieslowski
Stars: Irene Jacob, Jean-Louis Trintignant, Jean-Pierre Lorit
THREE DAYS OF THE CONDOR
1974
*
A CIA researcher finds his co-workers dead and finds he can trust nobody.
Complex, confident thriller in the style of The 39 Steps.
Dir: Sydney Pollack
Stars: Robert Redford, Faye Dunaway, Cliff Robertson, Max von Sydow
THREE EXTREMES
2004
0
A trio of nasty stories: Dumplings, Cut and Box.
Something of an endurance: the first story is hugely unpleasant, the second is confined and boring, the third is like a plotless art film. Of course there are incidents of high style as well as unexpected endings, but you have to ask why there are such sick minds in this world.
Dir: Fruit Chan, Takashi Miike, Chan-wook Park
Stars: Bai Ling, Byung-hun Lee, Kyoko Hasegawa
THE THREE FACES OF EVE
1957
*
A doctor treats a woman suffering from multiple personality disorder.
Apparently based on a true story, this is a rather stiff psychiatric drama with few frills.
Dir: Nunnally Johnson
Stars: Joanne Woodward, David Wayne, Lee J Cobb
THREE FOR ALL
1975
0
Three girls follow their pop star boyfriends to Spain.
The Casino Royale director's penny dreadful, a choppy and uninteresting musical drama aimed at no one. The best review of it is in Julian Upton's excellent 2011 book Offbeat.
Dir: Martin Campbell
Stars: Adrienne Posta, Lesley North, Cheryl Hall, Richard Beckinsale, Robert Lindsay
365 DAYS
THUNDERING FLEAS
1926
0
A group of kids cause havoc at a wedding with some fleas.
Primitive short, an Our Gang subject, which uses occasional animation for its fleas. Strictly of historical interest only.
Dir: Robert F McGowan
Stars: Oliver Hardy, Charley Chase, Jackie Condon, Mickey Daniels
THX1138
1970
*
In the 25th century, a man and a woman rebel against their strict masters.
Unfriendly sci-fi, the antithesis of Star Wars, that drags the viewer into its dystopian gloom.
Dir: George Lucas
Stars: Robert Duvall, Donald Pleasence, Don Pedro Colley
THE TICKET OF LEAVE MAN
1937
0
A villain named The Tiger frames an innocent man for forgery.
Not one of Tod Slaughter's best pictures - he doesn't get to be horrible enough - this melodrama over-indulges on chewy dialogue, often regarding financial matters, but is some of historical interest nonetheless, because this type of stagey Victoriana was disappearing from view.
Dir: George King
Stars: Tod Slaughter, John Warwick, Marjorie Taylor
TIDAL WAVE
1975
0
The race is on to stop Japan from sinking into the sea.
Essentially a re-edit of the Japanese epic The Submersion Of Japan with added American scenes that are not as conspicuous as might have been. The end result is better than the average ’70s disaster movie, but it still is a ’70s disaster movie...
Dir: Shiro Moritani/Andrew Meyer
Stars: Lorne Greene, Rhonda Leigh Hopkins/Keiju Kobayashi, Hiroshi Fujioka
TIE ME UP! TIE ME DOWN!
1990
*
A man pleads with a porn star to become his wife.
Steamy melodrama that basks in the dark side of human nature.
Dir: Pedro Almodovar
Stars: Victoria Abril, Antonio Banderas, Loles Leon
TIGHTROPE
1985
*
A cop's daughters are targeted by a serial rapist.
Watchable thriller on familiar lines.
Dir: Richard Tuggle
Stars: Clint Eastwood, Genevieve Bujold, Dan Hedaya, Alison Eastwood
TILL DEATH US DO PART
1969
*
East End bigot Alf Garnett and family survive the London Blitz.
Episodic, stretched out version of the seminal TV comedy; vintage moments but a little slow.
Dir: Norman Cohen
Stars: Warren Mitchell, Dandy Nichols, Una Stubbs, Anthony Booth, Bill Maynard, Brian Blessed
TIME AFTER TIME
1979
**
H G Wells pursues Jack the Ripper to the 20th century in his time machine.
Audacious and enjoyable sci-fi cleverly utilising the concept of time paradoxes.
Dir: Nicholas Meyer
Stars: Malcolm McDowell, David Warner, Mary Steenburgen, Charles Cioffi
TIME BANDITS
1981
*
A young boy joins a group of dwarves who jump from one time period to another to steal treasure.
Imaginative fantasy which lasts too long but has some select comedic high spots.
Dir: Terry Gilliam
Stars: David Rappaport, Kenny Baker, John Cleese, Sean Connery, Shelley Duvall, Ian Holm, Michael Palin, Ralph Richardson, Peter Vaughan, David Warner
TIME FLIES
1944
0
A music hall star heads back in time to the days of Queen Elizabeth I.
Sadly dated farce which probably cheered up war-torn Blighty.
Dir: Walter Forde
Stars: Tommy Handley, Evelyn Dall, Felix Aylmer, Moore Marriott, Graham Moffatt
TIME GAMES
1985
0
A girl travel backs to 19th century Australia thanks to a strange antique lace collar.
Nice looking but soppy fantasy made in the wake of Back To The Future.
Dir: Donald Crombie
Stars: Imogen Annesley, Peter Phelps, Mouche Phillips
TIME GENTLEMEN PLEASE
1952
0
The Prime Minister is due to visit a 'perfect' village, but residents are determined to hide a dirty tramp who blights it.
Flat and unsympathetic comedy that feels false.
Dir: Lewis Gilbert
Stars: Eddie Byrne, Hermione Baddeley, Dora Bryan, Thora Hird, Sid James, Edie Martin
TIME LOCK
1957
**
A boy is accidentally locked in a vault and the race is on to get him out before his oxygen runs out.
Tight, neat suspenser with little flab and factual, no-nonsense dialogue. Most likeable but a truly great director might have created a mini masterpiece.
Dir: Gerald Thomas
Stars: Robert Beatty, Lee Patterson, Betty McDowall
THE TIME MACHINE
1960
**
A Victorian gentleman travels far into the future to discover a planet at war.
H G Wells goes to Hollywood; miscast but rather splendid fantasy that takes the viewer on an entertaining ride.
Dir: George Pal
Stars: Rod Taylor, Alan Young, Yvette Mimieux, Sebastian Cabot
TIME MASTERS
1982
0
A small boy is the only survivor of an attack by giant hornets.
Tedious, barely coherent cartoon with no sense of fun.
Dir: Rene Laloux
Voices: Jean Valmont, Michel Elias, Frederic Legros
A TIME TO KILL
1955
0
Police investigate when a woman is poisoned.
Fairly standard whodunit in which the killer isn't hard to ascertain, and is made especially obvious 20 minutes from the end.
Dir: Charles Saunders
Stars: Jack Watling, Rona Anderson, John Horsley, Joan Hickson
TIME TO REMEMBER
1962
0
A jewel robbery at a large London house goes wrong.
This Edgar Wallace Mystery strikes the viewer as not making much sense: why, for instance, is the Corbett character so intent on buying the house when he already has the jewels? His silly behaviour is one reason why this is so much less effective than it initially promises to be. There's some nice wintry location shooting, however.
Dir: Charles Jarrott
Stars: Harry H Corbett, Yvonne Monlaur, Robert Rietty, David Lodge
TIME TRAP
2017
*
Students looking for their missing teacher in a cave get more than they bargained for.
Nifty little sci-fi thriller with some cute ideas.
Dir: Mark Dennis, Ben Foster
Stars: Cassidy Gifford, Brianne Howey, Reiley McClendon, Andrew Wilson
THE TIME TRAVELERS
1964
*
A group of scientists travel 107 years into the future… and regret it.
Low budget sci-fi with a good reputation, but apart from its unexpected climax, there’s nothing too remarkable for the modern viewer.
Dir: Ib Melchior
Stars: Preston Foster, Philip Carey, Merry Anders
TIME TRAVELERS
1976 (TV)
0
Scientists head back to 1871 Chicago to find a cure for a deadly disease.
Trifling fantasy that sees Irwin Allen try to resurrect his Time Tunnel scenario, only on what looks like an even more modest budget. The idea may be quite neat but too much dull chat and that puny budget mean it struggles to get out of the starting blocks.
Dir: Alexander Singer
Stars: Sam Groom, Tom Hallick, Richard Basehart, Francine York
THE TIME TRAVELER’S WIFE
2009
*
A man has a genetic disease which causes him to suddenly travel through time.
Decent adaptation of an absurd but interesting and very successful book that wisely makes its central characters a good deal more likeable than they are on the page but still doesn’t move very far from their personal anguishes. Predictably aimed more at the female crowd than the sci-fi crowd, it’s an earnest film that tantalises and teases but doesn’t quite deliver a knockout punch.
Dir: Robert Schwentke
Stars: Eric Bana, Rachel McAdams
TIME TRAVELLER: THE GIRL WHO LEAPT THROUGH TIME
2010
0
A schoolgirl whose scientist mother has been seriously hurt in an accident takes a potion that allows her to travel back in time.
The 2006 anime of a similar name had the heroine jumping around different time zones – this just sees the girl head back to 1974 and stay there. It doesn’t get especially interesting until near the end when the other time traveller shows up, and the love story that unfolds is barely affecting, making you rile against elements like the sentimental music score.
Dir: Masaaki Taniguchi
Stars: Riisa Naka, Akinobu Nakao, Narumi Yasuda
TIME WALKER
1982
0
An alien that has been buried in a tomb returns to life to terrorise students.
Unsurprising sci-fi horror which looks a bit like a TV movie.
Dir: Tom Kennedy
Stars: Ben Murphy, Michelle Avonne, Nina Axelrod
TIMECOP
1994
*
When a scientist ‘invents’ time travel a special band of cops are introduced to ensure there are no abuses of it.
A Lidl version of Terminator that starts especially well but then becomes little more than a vehicle for Van Damme to beat people up. The plot truly makes no sense - and there may have been wiser places to set the climax than a big house on a dark and rainy night - but this is acceptable escapist fantasy fun.
Dir: Peter Hyams
Stars: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Mia Sara, Ron Silver, Bruce McGill
TIMECRIMES
2007
***
A man being chased by a masked figure escapes to the lab of a scientist who is experimenting with time travel.
There's barely an ounce of fat on this supremely efficient low budget sci-fi thriller, one which cleverly utilises the possibilities of time travelling at the same time as embracing moral quandaries. It almost becomes too brain-bending near the end but by and large is a delicious yarn, economically told - with a wee dash of eroticism.
Dir: Nacho Vigalondo
Stars: Karra Elejalde, Nacho Vigalondo, Barbara Goenaga
TIMER
2009
0
In a world where most adults wear timers on their wrists to tell them when their true love will come along, one woman finds that hers is still stuck at zero.
A high-concept drama in low-fi dress, a sort of indie Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind that’s sadly never quite as good as you hope: very much a film more suited to a female audience, it’s hellishly overlong considering how slight it is and, although the interesting (if unlikely) concept lends itself to intriguing drama, there doesn't appear to be the talent or ambition to truly make it sing.
Dir: Jac Schaeffer
Stars: Emma Caulfield, Michelle Borth, John Patrick Amedori, Desmond Harrington
THE TIMES OF HARVEY MILK
1984
***
Documentary looking at the life and assassination of gay politician Harvey Milk.
Oscar-winning doc that successfully presents Milk as an important player in the struggle for human rights and the advancement of civilisation, even in death. That it’s structured almost like a thriller doesn’t cheapen its message.
Dir: Rob Epstein
Narrator: Harvey Fierstein
TIMESLIP
1955
0
After he is shot, a scientist lives life 7.5 seconds in the future.
That synopsis is a mischievous one (and the one usually given by film guides), but this tantalising idea is only used as a very small part of this minor thriller, during hospital bed conversations which resemble a Two Ronnies sketch. Other than that it’s a rather dull effort which now seems to only exist in a dim and scratchy version.
Dir: Ken Hughes
Stars: Gene Nelson, Faith Domergue, Peter Arne, Joseph Tomelty, Charles Hawtrey
TIMESTALKERS
1986 (TV)
0
A history professor gets involved with time travellers from the far future.
Back To The Future type stuff which never reaches great heights of excitement.
Dir: Michael Schultz
Stars: William Devane, Lauren Hutton, John Ratzenberger, Klaus Kinski
THE TIN DRUM
1979
*
A young boy refuses to grow up when he sees the horror of the world around him.
Well made but heavy going fable that both unsettles and amuses thanks to its morbid sense of humour.
Dir: Volker Schlondorff
Stars: Mario Adorf, Angela Winkler, David Bennent
TINA: WHAT’S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT
1993
**
The life of singer Tina Turner, who suffered abuse at the hands of her hubby, Ike.
Dark and compelling biopic which pulls no punches in its portrayal of Ike.
Dir: Brian Gibson
Stars: Angela Bassett, Laurence Fishburne, Khandi Alexander
TINTORERA
1978
0
A large shark terrorises the Mexican coast.
Bad beyond belief soap opera/horror with less dramatic tension than an episode of Postman Pat. One of those films that makes you exclaim, 'This is the worst film I've ever seen!'
Dir: Rene Cardona Jr
Stars: Susan George, Fiona Lewis, Hugo Stiglitz
THE TIT AND THE MOON
1995
*
A young boy longs to drink his mother's milk once again.
Irritating, self-consciously quirky fantasy using that type of child's narration all too frequently heard in foreign films.
Dir: Bigas Luna
Stars: Mathilda May, Biel Duran, Gerard Darmon
TIT FOR TAT
1935
*
Stan and Ollie open an electrical repair shop but unfortunately it is next to a grocery store run by one of their old enemies.
A chronicle of mass destruction, a follow up to their Them Thar Hills (qv), with a slightly sour taste but many gags that hit the spot; Hall is always a canny adversary.
Dir: Charley Rogers
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Charlie Hall, Mae Busch
TITANIC
1997
**
On board the doomed passenger liner in 1912, an unhappy, headstrong woman in first class falls in love with a young American in third class.
Hollywood at its most Hollywood-like, a remarkably planned, incredibly detailed and sumptuously set extravaganza that presents a tragic love story alongside sequences of super-expensive and spectacular destruction, and at gargantuan length. Despite the odd lapse in narrative and historical accuracy it holds the interest and is a testament to the director's unswerving passion in his ambitious project.
Dir: James Cameron
Stars: Leonardo DiCaprio, Kate Winslet, Billy Zane, Kathy Bates, Gloria Stuart, Bill Paxton, Bernard Hill, David Warner
THE TITFIELD THUNDERBOLT
1952
****
Villagers attempt to keep their branch line train service running despite competition from the local bus service.
Like an on-the-move postcard of '50s rural Britain, this beautifully shot, pacy, very special comedy could not be more English, presenting as it does the derring-do and decency of its people against a backdrop of luscious countryside, flagons of ale and village cricket; one of Ealing's loveliest pictures, it's also delightful in its romanticisation of steam railways.
Dir: Charles Crichton
Stars: Stanley Holloway, George Relph, John Gregson, Godfrey Tearle, Naunton Wayne, Hugh Griffith, Sid James, Edie Martin
TITUS
1999
*
A Roman soldier returns from war to set a series of terrible events in motion.
Visually engulfing adaptation of Shakespeare's 'horror play', full of spectacle, sound and fury. Mighty long, too.
Dir: Julie Taymor
Stars: Anthony Hopkins, Jessica Lange, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Matthew Rhys
TO BE OR NOT TO BE
1942
***
In occupied Poland, a group of actors attempt to foil the Nazis.
The outrageous concept of this comic thriller is sure to prove surprising to delicate modern viewers, and the farcical, twisting plot is likely to delight also.
Dir: Ernst Lubitsch
Stars: Carole Lombard, Jack Benny, Robert Stack, Lionel Atwill
TO CATCH A THIEF
1955
*
An apparently retired cat burglar living on the French Riviera is suspected when there is an outbreak of jewel thefts.
Hitchcock and co go on holiday and serve up this luscious looking if dramatically languorous thriller that is not among his most penetrating works. It’s a shame that such a classy film is so dull.
Dir: Alfred Hitchcock
Stars: Cary Grant, Grace Kelly, Jessie Royce Landis, John Williams
TO HAVE AND HAVE NOT
1945
**
An American boat captain in Martinique gets involved with Nazis.
In many ways a fairly ordinary war thriller, but one’s that lifted considerably by its famous first pairing of Bogart and Bacall and the shards of dialogue they deliver.
Dir: Howard Hawks
Stars: Humphrey Bogart, Lauren Bacall, Walter Brennan, Hoggy Carmichael
TO HAVE AND TO HOLD
1963
0
A policeman gets personally involved in the case of a frightened woman.
One of the longest Edgar Wallace Mysteries but not one of the best - a slightly dull tale with no star quality. Not as grand as the title somehow suggests.
Dir: Herbert Wise
Stars: Ray Barrett, Katharine Blake, Nigel Stock, William Hartnell
TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD
1962
**
In the Depression-era South, a lawyer defends a black man on a rape charge.
Probably as good a film as could be made of the socially conscious Pulitzer Prize winning book, it is undoubtedly moving but eventually goes on for too long.
Dir: Robert Mulligan
Stars: Gregory Peck, Mary Badham, John Megna, Frank Overton, Robert Duvall
TO OUR LOVES
1983
*
A teenager leads a promiscuous lifestyle.
Noisy, often ponderous drama that’s typically French.
Dir: Maurice Pialat
Stars: Sandrine Bonnaire, Evelyne Ker, Dominique Besnehard
TO THE DEVIL A DAUGHTER
1976
0
A novelist battles to save the soul of a young girl from Satanists.
Largely soporific horror that comes to a shuddering halt. Hammer's final creepy movie of the Seventies isn't a terrible film - the cast have weight - but constant flitting between different story strands ensures that it never builds up any drive or suspense; it's cold, uninvolving and sometimes confusing. It is, however, fondly recalled by Kinski fans.
Dir: Peter Sykes
Stars: Richard Widmark, Christopher Lee, Nastassja Kinski, Honor Blackman, Denholm Elliott
TO TRAP A SPY
1966
*
The Men from UNCLE attempt to stop an African leader being assassinated.
The first of the UNCLE ‘movies’ (ie extended television episodes), a series that added little to the development of the cinematic form but gave someone fun, somewhere.
Dir: Don Medford
Stars: Robert Vaughn, David McCallum, Luciana Paluzzi
TOBOR THE GREAT
1954
*
A professor invents a robot designed to pilot space vehicles that could be dangerous to humans; villains interfere.
Amiable junior sci-fi with some fun stuff, like the robot driving (and a tiny bit of incongruous darker stuff, when the hoods threaten the boy with the blow torch). No art is made in a vacuum and this film, and many others like it, reflected the feelings of the time in the US, notably excitement about new technology and worries about the nuclear age. 'Tobor' is, of course, 'robot' backwards.
Dir: Lee Sholem
Stars: Charles Drake, Billy Chapin, Karin Booth, Taylor Holmes
TOGO
2020
*
In Alaska in the 1920s, a hardy dog leads a mission to get a serum for diphtheria.
Animated feature Balto (qv) covered this story in 1995 but now, in this age of apparently discovering the 'unsung hero', we get this take on it, one of the few new, original features to drop into the Disney+ streaming service, and it was a hit, especially with American audiences, who are more familiar with the true-life yarn. One could quibble with its back-and-forth narrative, which probably lessens its drive, the obvious CGI, and the fact that it's quite manipulative, but it is well enough done for what it is.
Dir: Ericson Core
Stars: Willem Dafoe, Julianne Nicholson, Christopher Heyerdahl
TOKYO STORY
1953
***
An elderly couple visit their children in the city.
High-brow critics fall over themselves to heap adulation on this Japanese film, and it would be easy to take the opposing view and point out that almost nothing happens in it and what does is pretty dull; but there is much to appreciate, from the distinctive, stubbornly non-mobile camerawork to the little behavioural nuances that hint at much more. In summary, a peaceful, tranquil film that is at least totally different from the majority of Hollywood products.
Dir: Yasujiro Ozu
Stars: Chishu Ryu, Chieko Higashiyama, Setsuko Hara
TOM JONES
1963
**
In 18th-century England, a squire's son has a series of adventures.
Despite the director's modern, jokey approach this famous film is a rather tortuous wander through Fielding's material, neither as bawdy or rollicking as one is led to expect. There are some nicely executed interludes – like the deer hunt and the well-known gorging scene - but it’s hard to feel much for our titular hero, and his escapades seem to drag on for a considerable time.
Dir: Tony Richardson
Stars: Albert Finney, Susannah York, Hugh Griffith, Edith Evans, Joan Greenwood
TOM THUMB
1958
*
A woodcutter has his wishes granted by the queen of the forest.
A happy little film with energetic singing and dancing and decent trick effects.
Dir: George Pal
Stars: Russ Tamblyn, Terry-Thomas, Peter Sellers, Bernard Miles, Peter Butterworth
TOMBS OF THE BLIND DEAD
1972
0
A confused girl wanders into the burial ground of some strange zombies.
Empty, slow and tedious horror whose only redeeming feature is the visual treat of the ghouls on horseback. Remarkably, there were three sequels.
Dir: Amando de Ossorio
Stars: Cesar Burner, Lone Fleming, Maria Elena Arpon
TOMMY
1975
**
A deaf, dumb and blind kid is roundly abused but his talent for pinball turns him into a modern-day messiah.
The Who’s dippy but beguiling rock opera is given the full, double-barrelled Ken Russell treatment and the result is an ostentatious and sometimes powerful fantasy that’s difficult to ignore. The alluring soundtrack helps, but it's not as good as the group's original album (except for Tina Turner's Acid Queen turn).
Dir: Ken Russell
Stars: Roger Daltrey, Oliver Reed, Ann-Margret, Elton John, Keith Moon, Jack Nicholson, Robert Powell, Tina Turner
TOMMY BOY
1995
0
A dimwitted man inherits a factory.
Awful all-American comedy which pairs unoriginal slapstick with a weirdly incoherent, business-obsessed plot.
Dir: Peter Segal
Stars: Chris Farley, Brian Dennehy, Bo Derek, Dan Aykroyd
TOMORROW AT TEN
1962
**
A kidnapper takes a boy and locks him in a room with a golliwog that has a bomb in it.
Neat, well controlled little thriller that benefits from two meaty lead performances and an absence of female characters. The police’s calmness is a little incredulous at times, and there might have been a few more shots of the clock, but the gently twisting tale and period asides make it a nice film to spend time with.
Dir: Lance Comfort
Stars: John Gregson, Robert Shaw, Alec Clunes, Kenneth Cope, William Hartnell
TOMORROW NEVER COMES
1978
0
A nutter holds an ex-girlfriend hostage at a holiday resort.
Terrible thriller from a (mostly) terrible director, utterly devoid of tension, platitudinous, cliched (the title gives a clue) and full of characters behaving in absurd ways - why, for instance, would the man tell the crazed, blood-soaked villain where the female employee lives, and why do the police not evacuate the area around the crime scene? Backing music is awful and dialogue dire. A sweaty Reed, a double-chinned George and dopey Pleasence with a stupid accent are just a few of personnel insulting our intelligence in this extravaganza of dumb.
Dir: Peter Collinson
Stars: Oliver Reed, Susan George, Raymond Burr, Donald Pleasence
TOMORROW NEVER DIES
1997
**
James Bond tackles a media mastermind intent on provoking war between China and Britain.
Superior follow-up to GoldenEye which, while it relies too heavily on gunplay and explosions, serves up several scenes that can stand among the best in the canon - the remote-control car chase, the encounter with Dr Kaufman the assassin, the motorcycle chase - along with solid baddies, gadgets and quips. Although the main plot is a little thin and daft, Brosnan is fitting the role nicely and Pryce has some fun as the main villain, so it doesn't matter too much.
Dir: Roger Spottiswoode
Stars: Pierce Brosnan, Jonathan Pryce, Michelle Yeoh, Teri Hatcher, Ricky Jay, Gotz Otto, Joe Don Baker, Judi Dench, Desmond Llewelyn, Geoffrey Palmer
TONY BENN: WILL AND TESTAMENT
2014
**
Documentary about the life and career of Labour politician Tony Benn.
In what was a slightly ghoulish turn, Benn died shortly before this film was completed, but here he is to discuss his eventful existence in detail, either in his kitchen or in a dark virtual set - there is also a mass of archive footage, which immerses the viewer in Britain's recent past. He was always a sharply intelligent person, if wrong on virtually every issue, and thus this makes for always interesting viewing, although it's evident that the director is not keen on any negative light being cast on his subject. The DVD has some extra interview footage; more still would have been welcome.
Dir: Skip Kite
TOO BEAUTIFUL TO DIE
1989
0
Someone is murdering fashion models.
Glossy whodunit of little substance or originality.
Dir: Dario Piana
Stars: Francois-Eric Gendron, Florence Guerin, Giovanni Tamberi
TOO MANY CROOKS
1958
*
An accident-prone gang of criminals kidnap a businessman's wife.
Nice and neat comedy which moves briskly and has a great cast.
Dir: Mario Zampi
Stars: Terry-Thomas, George Cole, Bernard Bresslaw, Sid James, Vera Day, John Le Mesurier, Edie Martin
TOO SCARED TO SCREAM
1985
0
A killer stalks women in a high rise apartment building.
Psycho-ish shocker which passes the time, hiding the killer pretty well.
Dir: Tony Lo Bianco
Stars: Mike Connors, Anne Archer, Ian McShane, John Heard, Maureen O'Sullivan
THE TOOLBOX MURDERS
1978
0
Women are murdered by a religious maniac with a big toolbox.
Skill-less horror which starts in deliciously trashy fashion – three brutal murders, including a beautiful naked redhead killed by a nail gun after a bath and a brief chase – but is then unable to mask its huge deficiencies, boring the audience to death with endless scenes of terrible dialogue and shots that are held for far too long. Watch out for the hilariously contaminated crime scenes, too.
Dir: Dennis Donnelly
Stars: Cameron Mitchell, Pamelyn Ferdin, Wesley Eure
TOOMORROW
1970
0
Aliens kidnap a young pop group to improve their society.
Spectacularly unsuccessful sci-fi musical that played for two weeks then very nearly disappeared forever - it's not hard to see why, but it's pleasing that it did resurface because although it's largely guff it's good-natured guff, and it offers a window on a time of more relaxed morals, more laidback students and a less tense London. Kitsch, colourful and daft, it's the non-horror Dracula AD 1972.
Dir: Val Guest
Stars: Olivia Newton-John, Benny Thomas, Vic Cooper, Karl Chambers
TOOTSIE
1983
***
An out-of-work actor is forced to dress as a woman to get work.
One of the films of its year, a funny and sharply scripted comedy full of memorable performances; one in particular.
Dir: Sydney Pollack
Stars: Dustin Hoffman, Jessica Lange, Teri Garr, Bill Murray, Sydney Pollack, Geena Davis
TOP GUN
1986
*
A student at a flying school romances his teacher.
Glossy, shallow drama for boys who like their planes, even if they’re not involved in anything particularly significant.
Dir: Tony Scott
Stars: Tom Cruise, Kelly McGillis, Val Kilmer, Tom Skerritt, Michael Ironside
TOP HAT
1935
****
Numerous obstacles stand in the way of a couple falling in love.
Glorious Fred and Ginger musical featuring top drawer song and dance numbers plus delightfully handled plot complications. Everything about it smacks of expertise.
Dir: Mark Sandrich
Stars: Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers, Edward Everett Horton, Erik Rhodes
TOP SECRET!
1984
**
An American rock and roll singer gets involved with a resistance plot to rescue an imprisoned East German scientist.
High spirited, good natured, sometimes hilarious Airplane-type spoof with too many targets to mention, many based around movie conventions. Viewed today it's lost just a little of its zing.
Dir: Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, Jerry Zucker
Stars: Val Kilmer, Lucy Gutteridge, Michael Gough, Peter Cushing, Jeremy Kemp, Warren Clarke
TOPAZ
1969
*
A French agent gets embroiled in Cold War politics.
One of Hitchcock's most disappointing pictures still stubbornly refuses to be rediscovered as a classic, and that's because it's a hellishly long, well overpopulated and deeply convoluted political thriller with very few sequences in the master's best style. That it was an unhappy production is more than evident, and audiences cannot be blamed for recoiling from a film that is too often grey men in suits standing around talking.
Dir: Alfred Hitchcock
Stars: Frederick Stafford, John Forsythe, John Vernon, Dany Robin, Karin Dor
TOPKAPI
1964
*
Crooks carry out a meticulous plan to steal a precious dagger from a Turkish museum.
Influential, watchable caper which culminates in an engrossing robbery after some dawdling earlier on; a surfeit of local noise and colour adds a good deal of flavour.
Dir: Jules Dassin
Stars: Melina Mercouri, Peter Ustinov, Maximilian Schell, Robert Morley, Jess Hahn
TOPPER
1937
*
A couple don't let death get in the way of them having a good time.
Much imitated fantasy comedy that almost, but not quite, makes mortality amusing.
Dir: Norman Z McLeod
Stars: Cary Grant, Constance Bennett, Roland Young, Billie Burke
TOPPER
1979 (TV)
0
Styleless remake bogged down by the old clichés.
Dir: Charles S Dubin
Stars: Jack Warden, Kate Jackson, Andrew Stevens
TOPPER RETURNS
1941
**
Topper helps the ghost of a woman track down her killer.
Dated but lively comedy for those who can take death lightly.
Dir: Roy Del Ruth
Stars: Joan Blondell, Roland Young, Carole Landis, Billie Burke
TOPPER TAKES A TRIP
1939
0
Mrs Topper seeks to divorce her husband because of his tomfoolery with ghosts.
Weakest of the Topper trilogy with entirely run-of-the-mill antics.
Dir: Norman Z McLeod
Stars: Roland Young, Constance Bennett, Billie Burke
TORMENTED
2009
0
A bullied schoolboy commits suicide but comes back from the dead to slay his persecutors.
Yet another example of how horrible popular culture for young Britons has become, this shallow horror film feigns to condemn bullying but instead condones it as it revels in the unpleasant behaviour of the vile youths who almost exclusively people it. It’s tricky to decide what’s more depressing: the amorality of the filmmakers or the fact that it received just a 15 certificate.
Dir: Jon Wright
Stars: Tuppence Middleton, Alex Pettyfer, April Pearson
TORN CURTAIN
1966
**
An American scientist defects to East Germany, but actually has other motives.
Latter-day Hitch which only sporadically shows the master at his best; two such scenes are the protracted killing in the kitchen and the escape on the bus.
Dir: Alfred Hitchcock
Stars: Paul Newman, Julie Andrews, Wolfgang Kieling, Lila Kedrova
TORSO
1973
0
A hooded killer preys on hapless females.
If ever in need of a manual on how not to make a suspense thriller have a watch of this crass and boring effort with fake gore and bad acting. There’s certainly no other reason to watch it.
Dir: Sergio Martino
Stars: Suzy Kendall, Tina Aumont, Luc Merenda
TOTAL RECALL
1990
***
In 2084, people can have memories implanted in their heads. A construction worker undergoes the process but it leads to a terrifying battle against an evil corporation.
Powerful, eventful sci-fi thriller that disguises its intelligence with tremendous action and violence - perhaps because the star was clearly more suited to the latter.
Dir: Paul Verhoeven
Stars: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sharon Stone, Ronny Cox, Michael Ironside
A TOUCH OF CLASS
1973
0
A pair of lovers, him already married, have trysts in London and Spain.
Dated, unlovely sex comedy (with, predictably, very little of either) in which both the romancers are unsympathetic, him because he's a married man carrying on like a cad, her because she has the sex appeal of Hitler.
Dir: Melvin Frank
Stars: George Segal, Glenda Jackson, Paul Sorvino, K Callan
TOUCH OF EVIL
1958
**
A couple honeymooning in an American border town become embroiled in a political frame-up.
Complicated and unsympathetic thriller redeemed by splendid, moody cinematography.
Dir: Orson Welles
Stars: Charlton Heston, Janet Leigh, Orson Welles, Joseph Calleia
A TOUCH OF LOVE
1968
0
A single girl becomes pregnant and is faced with difficult life choices.
Dreary drama with a drip of a star; Amicus should have stuck to horror films.
Dir: Waris Hussein
Stars: Sandy Dennis, Ian McKellen, Eleanor Bron, John Standing
A TOUCH OF THE OTHER
1970
0
A man is given an office by a dodgy gangster and gets into all sorts of trouble.
Dingy, incompetent and uninteresting crime drama with a touch of sauciness - the US title was House Of Hookers, but many Yanks must have been sorely disappointed at the moderate amount of flesh (Field makes particularly determined efforts not to show her nipples). One for fans of garish period wallpaper and no one else.
Dir: Arnold L Miller
Stars: Kenneth Cope, Shirley Anne Field, Helene Francoise
THE TOUCHABLES
1968
0
Four groovy chicks kidnap a pop star and use him as a sex slave.
Films without a good, proper story are usually a crashing bore, and this pretty much is, apart from some of the pop ephemera on show (plus the big plastic bubble) and its interesting technical credits, including the fact that it was directed by the man who shot five Beatles albums covers. Tedious postmodernism.
Dir: Robert Freeman
Stars: Judy Huxtable, David Anthony, Ester Anderson, James Villiers
TOUCHING THE VOID
2002
**
Documentary focusing on two climbers' attempts to surmount a treacherous mountain.
Stirring tale of despair and heroism, strikingly shot.
Dir: Kevin Macdonald
Stars: Joe Simpson, Simon Yates
TOWED IN A HOLE
1932
**
Stan and Ollie run into difficulties doing up the boat they have bought to help them with their fish business.
Winsome star comedy demonstrating their adeptness at performing something beyond slapstick and their knack with sparing but lunatic dialogue, including Stan's inability to repeat an idea.
Dir: George Marshall
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Billy Gilbert
TOWER OF EVIL
1972
0
Teenagers on a remote island off the coast are stalked by a monster.
Standard shocker with plenty of crowd-pleasing gore and nudity, it plays like a precursor to the next decade’s stalk and slash movies.
Dir: Jim O'Connolly
Stars: Bryant Haliday, Jill Haworth, Robin Askwith, Candace Glendenning, George Coulouris, Anna Palk
TOWER OF LONDON
1939
*
Richard Duke of Gloucester kills those standing between him and the throne.
Historical melodrama with horror overtones, mainly notable for juicy turns from Rathbone, Karloff and Price, those three old masters. One wishes there was more of them and less ‘proper’ history – the movie seems a little stuck between two stools, the horror and historical, and doesn’t have the lavish budget to effectively furnish the latter. Still, painless enough, with some fun scenes.
Dir: Rowland V Lee
Stars: Basil Rathbone, Boris Karloff, Vincent Price, Barbara O’Neil, Ian Hunter
TOWER OF LONDON
1962
0
Richard III is haunted by the ghosts of those he murdered in order to claim the throne.
A bit of Macbeth is thrown in but that's where the Shakespeare connections end in this flattish cheapie with American accents. Olivier was creepier.
Dir: Roger Corman
Stars: Vincent Price, Michael Pate, Joan Freeman
THE TOWERING INFERNO
1974
**
The opening night of a poorly constructed office block soon descends into chaos.
The granddaddy disaster movie and pretty much the start of a cycle that would last for the next decade. Here all the elements, including spectacular special effects and a roster of stars, are in place and provide the reason for watching.
Dir: Irwin Allen, John Guillermin
Stars: Steve McQueen, Paul Newman, William Holden, Faye Dunaway, Fred Astaire, Susan Blakely, Richard Chamberlain, Robert Vaughn, Robert Wagner, O J Simpson
THE TOXIC AVENGER
1985
*
A nerd is turned into a bulky superhero after being exposed to chemical waste.
Loosely structured low budget horror spoof which celebrates the ugly side of life.
Dir: Michael Herz, Lloyd Kaufman
Stars: Mitch Cohen, Andree Maranda, Cindy Manion
THE TOXIC AVENGER PART II
1989
*
The Toxic Avenger fights crime in Japan.
Slightly less nasty and more humorous sequel with dollops of outrageous violence that one can only laugh at.
Dir: Michael Herz, Lloyd Kaufman
Stars: Ron Fazio, John Altamura, Rick Collins
THE TOXIC AVENGER PART III
1989
0
Toxie goes to work for an evil corporation.
Unspeakably awful rubbish, as artless as an art gallery with no pictures in it. Keep an eye out for the hopeless extras in the numerous crowd scenes.
Dir: Michael Herz, Lloyd Kaufman
Stars: Ron Fazio, John Altamura, Rick Collins
TRAIL OF THE PINK PANTHER
1982
0
Former acquaintances of Inspector Clouseau reminisce when the famous detective goes missing.
An attempt to prolong the Pink Panther series two years after Sellers’ death: the first half uses footage not considered good enough for the originals, the second compiles moments from those films. Overall a bit of a tasteless mess, with the end credits providing the funniest bits.
Dir: Blake Edwards
Stars: David Niven, Herbert Lom, Joanna Lumley, Burt Kwouk, Leonard Rossiter, Graham Stark, Ronald Fraser, Peter Sellers
TRAINSPOTTING
1996
****
A Scottish junkie attempts to find a better life but keeps getting dragged back into one of heroin dependency.
Bristling, electric adaptation of a distressingly brilliant novel, this instant classic brought vim and credibility to the British film industry at a time when it needed it. A fantastic soundtrack, great acting and stylish direction has ensured it's retained every drop of its vitality, and like A Clockwork Orange can be enjoyed by everyone from lager lads to the intelligentsia. It feels a little strange to hold a film about such horribleness in great affection (the humour helps).
Dir: Danny Boyle
Stars: Ewan McGregor, Ewen Bremner, Jonny Lee Miller, Robert Carlyle, Kelly Macdonald
T2: TRAINSPOTTING
2017
***
Renton returns to Edinburgh and hooks up with blackmailing Sick Boy and a suicidal Spud, while a vengeful Begbie breaks out of prison.
Twenty-one years later, the band of loveable criminals and junkies return, and it was a worthwhile reunion, even if this sequel is predictably inferior and lacks much of the edge, pace, humour and sordidness of the original - but perhaps it reflects the palling of energy of its middle-aged characters. There's certainly much to enjoy, not least the top-notch cinematography, seeing the actors resurrect their roles, and several bravura sequences typical of the director (including one at a Protestant club, a car park confrontation, and the very final one). Pity about the odd title.
Dir: Danny Boyle
Stars: Ewan McGregor, Ewen Bremner, Jonny Lee Miller, Robert Carlyle, Anjela Nedyalkova
TRANCERS
1985
*
In the LA of the future, a cop chases a criminal who is turning people into zombies.
Lively sci-fi in the manner of The Terminator.
Dir: Charles Band
Stars: Tim Thomerson, Helen Hunt, Michael Stefani
TRANSFORMERS
2007
*
Huge robots that can turn into everyday machines wage war on Earth.
Charmless and unattractive actioner that offers little more than fast-cutting sound and fury and unsubtle humour; the cinematic equivalent of junk food.
Dir: Michael Bay
Stars: Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel, Jon Voight
TRANSYLVANIA 6-5000
1985
0
Two reporters encounter monsters in a strange castle in Transylvania.
Wacky spoof of a much spoofed genre, it provides smiles rather than guffaws.
Dir: Rudy De Luca
Stars: Jeff Goldblum, Joseph Bologna, Ed Begley Jr, Geena Davis
TRAPEZE
1956
*
A trapeze artist is taught the ropes by a former master.
Atmospheric but dry drama shot in strong colour.
Dir: Carol Reed
Stars: Burt Lancaster, Tony Curtis, Gina Lollobrigida, Sidney James
TREASURE ISLAND
1990 (TV)
*
An old pirate map leads to a long sea voyage and buried treasure.
Handsomely mounted adaptation of Stevenson's classic that carefully recreates the period although suffers from the odd longeur.
Dir: Fraser Clarke Heston
Stars: Charlton Heston, Christian Bale, Oliver Reed, Christopher Lee, Julian Glover
TREASURE OF THE AMAZON
1985
0
Various scurrilous types seek treasure in remote jungle.
Trashy adventure with terrible sound - you can hear background noise much too loudly - and murky picture; it also goes on for way too long (about 100 minutes too long). Like virtually all of his performances in the last 15 years of his life, Donald Pleasence is dreadful.
Dir: Rene Cardona Jr
Stars: Stuart Whitman, Donald Pleasence, Bradford Dillman, John Ireland, Sonia Infante
THE TREASURE OF THE SIERRA MADRE
1948
**
Gold prospectors search the dangerous Mexican hills for treasure.
An esteemed picture which retains some power but is a little arid for much of its considerable length.
Dir: John Huston
Stars: Humphrey Bogart, Walter Huston, Tim Holt, Bruce Bennett
A TREE GROWS IN BROOKLYN
1945
***
A Brooklyn family at the beginning of the 20th century endure a harsh existence.
Vivid and detailed family drama that dwells on tragedy throughout but ends on an uplifting, hopeful note.
Dir: Elia Kazan
Stars: Dorothy McGuire, Joan Blondell, James Dunn, Lloyd Nolan
THE TREE OF LIFE
2011
**
A boy in 1956 Texas experiences the highs and lows of youth.
If the viewer can get past the unorthodox first 40 minutes of this unique, personal film they will surely make it to the end and perhaps feel rewarded; a gorgeous looking feature far from the mainstream, it presents a hazy, non-linear narrative and delivers fragments of incident like they're the memories of an older person - which in this case they are. Not an all-conquering triumph because the storytelling is a bit too loose, but nevertheless a remarkably different and skilful slice of cinema.
Dir: Terrence Malick
Stars: Brad Pitt, Jessica Chastain, Sean Penn
TREMORS
1990
**
Huge underground creatures terrorise a small town.
Entertaining monster movie which benefits from bright settings, quirky characters and a firm tongue in cheek.
Dir: Ron Underwood
Stars: Kevin Bacon, Fred Ward, Finn Carter
TRIAL BY COMBAT
1976
*
A group of aristocrats take justice into their own hands if they feel it hasn't been done.
Black comedy obviously inspired by TV's The Avengers, but rarely reaching the wonderfully bizarre heights that that series did.
Dir: Kevin Connor
Stars: John Mills, Donald Pleasence, Barbara Hershey, Peter Cushing, Brian Glover
THE TRIAL OF THE INCREDIBLE HULK
1989 (TV)
0
David Banner employs a blind lawyer, who is also Daredevil, when he is accused of a mob crime that the Kingpin has perpetrated.
Regrettably dull superhero shenanigans.
Dir: Bill Bixby
Stars: Bill Bixby, Lou Ferrigno, Rex Smith, John Rhys-Davies
TRIAL RUN
1984
0
A female photographer working alone at a beach house is menaced by a stranger.
The New Zealand film industry demonstrating once again how to make a monotonous and irksome picture, one that mixes genres together to produce nothing but awfulness.
Dir: Melanie Read
Stars: Annie Whittle, Judith Gibson, Chris Broun
THE TRIALS OF OSCAR WILDE
1960
**
Oscar Wilde goes to court to fight a slander on his name, but lives to regret it.
Compelling and brave biopic, well made all round, brightened by a healthy amount of Wilde's epigrams.
Dir: Ken Hughes
Stars: Peter Finch, Yvonne Mitchell, James Mason, Nigel Patrick, Lionel Jeffries
TRIANGLE
2009
**
A troubled single mother goes on a sailing trip which runs into trouble.
Although this ‘Groundhog Day In Hell’ drama isn’t quite as clever as it thinks it is, it does manage to hold the attention as it twists merrily away, and it successfully swelled messageboards at IMDb. It's the director’s best film so far despite a conclusion that isn’t as satisfying as you’d like; but as soon as it finishes you stick the DVD back on to watch the opening minutes again, if not more of it.
Dir: Christopher Smith
Stars: Melissa George, Michael Dorman, Liam Hemsworth
TRIANGLE OF VENUS
1978
0
There's intrigue and duplicity afoot in the Seychelles.
Inordinately muddled sexy crime drama whose compensations are nearly all unclothed lady shaped - and the weather's nice and the locations are exotic. Oh, the glorious 1970s!
Dir: Hubert Frank
Stars: Olivia Pascal, Philippe Garnier, Elisa Servier, Bea Fiedler
TRICK OR TREAT
1987
0
A rock fan is sent messages from beyond the grave by his dead hero.
Junky horror comic with a superfluity of rock music; tedious and ridiculous.
Dir: Charles Martin Smith
Stars: Marc Price, Tony Fields, Gene Simmons, Ozzy Osbourne
TRICK ‘R TREAT
2008
*
Interwoven horrific stories on Halloween night.
Unfocused shocker that’s a sort of Creepshow-like anthology but goes for ‘clever’ intercutting of the tales whereas they might have worked better kept separate, although since the endings of each barely constitute a twist, perhaps not. All the familiar pats and beats of the modern horror film are here, and there’s an over-reliance on ‘is this real or just someone messing around on Halloween?’ shenanigans; it seems to get plenty of support on the internet as it’s an underdog, not having been awarded a theatrical release.
Dir: Michael Dougherty
Stars: Dylan Baker, Anna Paquin, Brian Cox, Tahmoh Penikett
TRUST THE MAN
2006
**
Two men fight to save their respective relationships.
Smart comedy drama which provides the audience with plenty of characters to empathise with.
Dir: Bart Freundlich
Stars: David Duchovny, Julianne Moore, Billy Crudup, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Ellen Barkin, Gary Shandling
THE TRUTH ABOUT CHARLIE
2002
0
A widow meets a man who claims that he owes her a large amount of money.
Abysmal remake of Charade. How do films like this get made?
Dir: Jonathan Demme
Stars: Mark Wahlberg, Thandie Newton, Tim Robbins
TSOTSI
2005
*
A street thug in South Africa is forced to take a tiny baby into his care.
A film that drags you out of your comfortable world into its own, and what an amoral, frightening world it is. On a dramatic level it starts with several jolts before the pace and violence begin to diminish.
Dir: Gavin Hood
Stars: Presley Chweneyagae, Terry Pheto, Kenneth Nkosi
TUBE TALES
1999 (TV)
0
Short stories set around the London Underground: Rosebud, Horny, My Father The Liar, Grasshopper, Mouth, Mr Cool, A Bird In The Hand, Steal Away and Bone.
Disappointing anthology: most of the tales are glum, humourless and dispiriting. Foul-mouthed and dreary, the film portrays Tube staff as fascist dictators and doesn't even bother to get the Underground's geography right.
Dir: Gaby Dellal et al
Stars: Jason Flemyng, Dexter Fletcher, Kelly Macdonald, Simon Pegg, Sean Pertwee, Liz Smith, Denise Van Outen, Rachel Weisz, Ray Winstone
TUMMY TROUBLE
1989
***
Roger Rabbit has to take Baby Herman to hospital after he swallows his rattle.
Brilliantly inventive short that’s as inspired as the cartoon that begins Who Framed Roger Rabbit, only this time it’s not interrupted.
Dir: Rob Minkoff
Voices: Charles Fleischer, April Winchell, Kathleen Turner
THE TUNNEL
1935
0
Problems beset the building of a tunnel which will link up Britain and America.
Unrealistic and undramatic British sci-fi that has dated badly.
Dir: Maurice Elvey
Stars: Richard Dix, Leslie Banks, Walter Huston
TURKEY SHOOT
1983
0
Prisoners are forced to participate in a deadly game of survival if they want freedom.
A cheap thrill: a savage variant on The Most Dangerous Game that fell foul of the British censors. It must have seemed exciting back then; now it just looks cheesy.
Dir: Brian Trenchard-Smith
Stars: Steve Railsback, Olivia Hussey, Michael Craig, Carmen Duncan
TURKISH DELIGHT
1973
**
A sculptor has a stormy relationship with a headstrong girl.
A popular film in its own country, an art house/semi porno presentation here, this exhibits the weird Dutch sense of humour, which can be gruesomely fascinating.
Dir: Paul Verhoeven
Stars: Rutger Hauer, Monique van de Ven
THE 27TH DAY
1957
*
An alien gives five people the power to end life on Earth, if they wish.
This brassy sci-fi drama is certainly ambitious, with its musings on the human race's capacity for doing bad things, but it's probably over-ambitious: it's unwise to treat it a serious contribution to the debate on what we've got wrong on our planet. It is, however, painless fun and its effort is never wan.
Dir: William Asher
Stars: Gene Barry, Valerie French, George Voskovec, Arnold Moss
THE £20,000 KISS
1962
*
A politician is blackmailed after he is caught in an embrace with a woman not his wife-to-be.
Another Edgar Wallace Mystery with an almost absurdly hectic and convoluted plot, this is at least a little more focused than some, watchable till the last of its crazy plot twists. These second features, shown on television for many years, did much to colour popular perception of crime drama and its various tropes.
Dir: John Moxey
Stars: Dawn Addams, Michael Goodliffe, Richard Thorp, Anthony Newlands
23 PACES TO BAKER STREET
1956
*
A blind playwright in London overhears a murder being planned.
Attractively set up but edgeless thriller which Hitchcock could have made a classic of. As it is, the wintry '50s London locations atone a little.
Dir: Henry Hathaway
Stars: Van Johnson, Vera Miles, Cecil Parker, Maurice Denham
TWICE BITTEN
1978
0
Female vampires earn cash as prostitutes.
Incompetent trash sold as something naughty but containing just one very long, very boring sex scene.
Dir: Cirio H Santiago
Stars: John Carradine, Karen Stride, Katie Dolan
TWICE ROUND THE DAFFODILS
1962
*
Life in a sanatorium for six men.
A gentle and often quite serious comic drama from the Carry On main men, this relaxed film may not set the world alight but leaves you with a little warm glow inside because of its affectionate portrayal of a secure and serene environment populated by decent men and women.
Dir: Gerald Thomas
Stars: Kenneth Williams, Juliet Mills, Donald Sinden, Lance Percival, Donald Houston, Andrew Ray, Ronald Lewis, Joan Sims, Jill Ireland, Sheila Hancock, Nanette Newman
TWICE-TOLD TALES
1963
*
Three horror stories based on the writings of Nathaniel Hawthorne: Dr Heidegger's Experiment, Rappaccini's Daughter and The House Of The Seven Gables.
Low budget, confined-to-studio anthology done in an old fashioned style, perhaps a little too long. The first tale is silly but fun (with the finest image of the movie, the skeleton in the wedding dress), the second is even more daft but has some eccentric appeal, the third is predictable, and even though it's a vastly truncated version of a novel seems sluggish.
Dir: Sidney Salkow
Stars: Vincent Price, Sebastian Cabot, Beverly Garland, Richard Denning
TWICE TWO
1933
**
Stan and Ollie have married each other's sisters; they have a party to celebrate their wedding anniversaries but all goes horribly wrong.
The attraction here is the originality of the idea and the way it is executed via trick photography and the boys in drag, rather than the mostly routine gags (though the fly spray material is quite off-kilter). Still, average Laurel and Hardy is better than most other comedians' best.
Dir: James Parrott
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Charlie Hall
TWILIGHT ZONE: THE MOVIE
1983
*
Four spooky stories.
The series was one of the greatest seen in the early days of television, and this movie, loaded with talent as it is, is mildly disappointing in comparison. Perhaps if three of the tales had not been remakes of originals it would have had more bite; as it is, the prologue in the car and the last tale, featuring Lithgow as a terrified airplane passenger, are the most effective parts of it.
Dir: John Landis, Steven Spielberg, Joe Dante, George Miller
Stars: Dan Aykroyd, Vic Morrow, Kathleen Quinlan, John Lithgow, Scatman Crothers, Kevin McCarthy
TWIN PEAKS: FIRE WALK WITH ME
1993
0
An FBI agent investigates a girl's disappearance.
Incomprehensible, pretentious and interminable garbage; they should have given out 'I Survived Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me' T-shirts to those who did.
Dir: David Lynch
Stars: Sheryl Lee, Madchen Amick, David Bowie, Heather Graham
TWINS OF EVIL
1971
*
Beautiful twins go to stay with their puritanical uncle but one comes under the influence of a vampire in a nearby castle.
A lively, bloody climax follows 80 minutes of just about up-to-par, olde worlde horror antics given gravitas by Cushing’s fine performance as a woman-burning Puritan and spice by the titular twins. It’s interesting to note that it was only a very small window in history that produced these kinds of likeable features (this was the loose third in Hammer’s Karnstein trilogy, preceded by The Vampire Lovers and Lust For A Vampire, both qv).
Dir: John Hough
Stars: Peter Cushing, Mary Collinson, Madeleine Collinson, Dennis Price, Luan Peters
TWISTED NERVE
1968
*
A young man with a split personality may be a murderer.
Underwhelming suspenser, flabbily and unconvincingly developed, also rather sick.
Dir: Roy Boulting
Stars: Hayley Mills, Hywel Bennett, Billie Whitelaw, Frank Finlay, Barry Foster
TWO EVIL EYES
1990
*
A pair of horror stories: The Facts In The Case Of Mr Valdemar and The Black Cat.
Stylish shocker based on tales by Edgar Allan Poe (see also Tales Of Terror), it might have benefited from being a little shorter.
Dir: George A Romero, Dario Argento
Stars: Adrienne Barbeau, E G Marshall, Harvey Keitel, Kim Hunter
THE TWO FACES OF DR JEKYLL
1960
*
A doctor accidentally unleashes the dark side of his nature.
Fair to middling Hammer adaptation which cheats by not showing the actual transformation from the bearded Jekyll to the clean-shaven Hyde (Gillette would love the secret). While making Mr Hyde the suave one is a fun twist, the movie is too colourful and brightly lit to induce creepiness, although some of the bad behaviour is quite naughty for the time. A Blu-ray of the film further exposes the bad make-up on Massie before he transforms; it also includes a few moments previously snipped by the censor.
Dir: Terence Fisher
Stars: Paul Massie, Christopher Lee, Dawn Addams, David Kossoff, Oliver Reed
TWO FEMALE SPIES WITH FLOWERED PANTIES
1980
0
A pair of female convicts are pardoned so they can perform secret service work.
More madness from the mind of one of Spain's wackiest and non-classically trained directors, this is a bit of a mess that's for acolytes only (aren't they all?).
Dir: Jess Franco
Stars: Lina Romay, Nadine Pascal, Olivier Mathot
TWO MOON JUNCTION
1989
0
A well-to-do debutante about to be married has a passionate fling with a carnival worker.
Vacuous erotic drama with more preaching than excitement, although the climactic disrobing is undeniably memorable.
Dir: Zalman King
Stars: Sherilyn Fenn, Richard Tyson, Burt Ives
TWO MULES FOR SISTER SARA
1969
0
A nun is rescued from trouble by a drifting cowboy.
Patchy western with some star quality.
Dir: Don Siegel
Stars: Clint Eastwood, Shirley MacLaine, Manuel Fabregas
TWO OF US
2000 (TV)
*
An imagined version of what happened between John Lennon and Paul McCartney when they met for the last time in New York in 1976.
The idea is a nice one, but to fully succeed this TV movie would have to have been brilliantly scripted and brilliantly acted, and in both areas it falls short – the writing is patchy and often doesn’t ring true and the two actors, especially Lennon’s impersonator, fail to convincingly mimic their men. That said, it’s always a tough job to satisfy Beatles fans (who will be the main audience here), and the film is a decent enough watch, conjuring up wistful thoughts of the Fabs and their towering standing in popular culture.
Dir: Michael Lindsay-Hogg
Stars: Aidan Quinn, Jared Harris
TWO ORPHAN VAMPIRES
1997
0
Two vampire girls are blind by day but can see at night when they go on the prowl.
Regrettably boring chiller which draws out an extremely slim plot to great length through lots of scenes where very little happens.
Dir: Jean Rollin
Stars: Alexandra Pic, Isabelle Teboul, Bernard Charnace
TWO TARS
1928
**
Two sailors, spurred by on by their girlfriends, start a huge ruckus in a traffic jam.
Highly regarded short whose escalation of road rage is expertly executed while never reaching the sort of hilarity pinnacle that they would soon hit, when sound arrived.
Dir: James Parrott
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Edgar Kennedy, Charlie Hall
2019: AFTER THE FALL OF NEW YORK
1983
0
Survivors of a nuclear apocalypse search for the only woman who is still fertile.
Trashy Italian action pic which much borrowing from others; gory, silly and badly acted, it's frequently unintentionally hilarious - the scene with the suicidal dwarf being the pick.
Dir: Sergio Martino
Stars: Michael Sopkiw, Valentine Monnier, George Eastman
2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY
1968
****
Man seeks to discover the mystery behind an object buried on the moon.
Kubrick's masterwork is an experience on a totally different level to other films, one that creates a truly unique and strange atmosphere, an arthouse flick that manages to get away with it: its commercial success was the result of being in tune with the times and yet it is future-proofed thanks to the use of classical music, peerless model work and superlative cinematography, which burns imagery onto the retinas. Like viewing a Shakespeare play, it is probably necessary to understand what it's about to fully appreciate its qualities, but at the same time it may also be extraordinarily hypnotic when viewing it in some sort of altered state.
Dir: Stanley Kubrick
Stars: Keir Dullea, Gary Lockwood, William Sylvester, Leonard Rossiter, Ed Bishop
2001 MANIACS
2005
0
Teenagers end up getting a slice of Southern hospitality.
Rough remake of Lewis's film with added sex, plus murders that are even more graphic than before; there's no tension and don't expect anything like characterisation or sense, but modern horror is often a lot more grim and unwatchable than this kooky brew.
Dir: Tim Sullivan
Stars: Robert Englund, Lin Shaye, Giuseppe Andrews, Jay Gillespie
2010
1984
*
A joint American-Soviet space expedition heads to Jupiter.
Dry, hollow sequel with a minimum of wonderment.
Dir: Peter Hyams
Stars: Roy Scheider, John Lithgow, Helen Mirren, Bob Balaban, Keir Dullea
TWO THOUSAND MANIACS
1964
0
People are lured to a Centennial celebration and gruesomely butchered.
Tiresome slice of bloody nonsense that sets its gore to corny country music.
Dir: Herschell Gordon Lewis
Stars: Thomas Wood, Connie Mason, Jeffrey Allen
TWO WAY STRETCH
1960
**
Prisoners plan the perfect crime - to commit a robbery while still in jail.
Good-natured and pleasantly amusing comedy, the kind that would vanish from Britain in the succeeding decades. The cast is first class and the movie manages to be quite suspenseful as well as funny - it's definitely one to pass a wet Sunday afternoon.
Dir: Robert Day
Stars: Peter Sellers, David Lodge, Bernard Cribbins, Wilfrid Hyde-White, Maurice Denham, Lionel Jeffries, Irene Handl, Liz Fraser, Beryl Reid
1968
0
Three Edgar Alan Poe stories: Metzengerstein, William Wilson and Toby Dammit.
Filed under F for Failure, this pretentious anthology only comes to life with Fellini's nightmarish visions in the final segment.
Dir: Roger Vadim, Louis Malle, Federico Fellini
Stars: Jane Fonda, Peter Fonda, James Robertson Justice, Alain Delon, Brigitte Bardot, Terence Stamp
TALES OF ORDINARY MADNESS
1981
0
A man is a slave to the bottle and to women.
Rather stagnant attempt to bring Bukowski to the big screen; Factotum (qv) was more successful at conveying the bleary lifestyle in compelling fashion.
Dir: Marco Ferreri
Stars: Ben Gazzara, Ornella Muti, Susan Tyrrell
TALES OF TERROR
1962
*
Three Edgar Allen Poe stories: Morella, The Black Cat and The Case Of M Valdemar.
Ghoulish laughs and scares fortified by a splendid trio of lead actors, particularly Price who appears in all three stories. The first tale doesn’t quite have enough drama to sustain it; the second offers many hearty chuckles, especially during Lorre and Price’s wine-drinking competition; the third has a macabre charm – but all three tales could have done with a little cutting.
Dir: Roger Corman
Stars: Vincent Price, Peter Lorre, Basil Rathbone
TALES OF THE THIRD DIMENSION
1984
0
Three stories: Young Blood, The Guardians and Visions Of Sugar Plums.
Cheapjack horror anthology with injections of comedy. Tale one is broad, tale two is rudimentary, tale three is the best of a bad lot (did it inspire Shyamalan's The Visit?), featuring a psychotic grandma hunting her grandkids on Christmas Eve. In an even more bizarre touch, in between tales we have the animatronic figure of Rod Serling-soundalike 'Igor', accompanied by Laurel and Hardy-like vultures. Originally meant to be in 3D, hence the title, and objects occasionally being thrust at the camera.
Dir: Todd Durham, Worth Keeter, Thom McIntyre, Earl Owensby
Stars: Charles Bibby, Robert Bloodworth, Kevin Campbell
TALES THAT WITNESS MADNESS
1973
*
Four tales of terror: Mr Tiger, Penny Farthing, Mel and Luau.
Half-cooked horror compendium whose gleeful absurdities include beautiful Joan Collins' husband being unfaithful to her with a tree. Aside from that, the first story is one-tone and predictable, the second has a risible 'changing photograph' and a very confusing ending, and the final one is promising but somewhat bland; the tree story probably is the highlight - the audience certainly witnesses madness.
Dir: Freddie Francis
Stars: Jack Hawkins, Donald Pleasence, Joan Collins, Michael Jayston, Kim Novak, Mary Tamm, Donald Houston, Peter McEnery, Georgia Brown, Suzy Kendall
THE TALK OF THE TOWN
1942
*
An escaped prisoner and a stuffy professor end up in the house of an attractive schoolteacher.
Unusual and not particularly successful mix of comedy and thriller, stretched out to intolerable length; the grace of the three leads lifts it a bit.
Dir: George Stevens
Stars: Cary Grant, Jean Arthur, Ronald Colman, Edgar Buchanan
TALK RADIO
1989
***
A big-mouthed talk show host plays with fire by infuriating his audience.
A compelling study of the restless mind descending into apoplexy; despite being largely speech-based it exerts a real grip from scene to scene, and only loses points for not entirely ringing true, particularly in the closing stages.
Dir: Oliver Stone
Stars: Eric Bogosian, Alec Baldwin, Ellen Greene, Leslie Hope
TALK TO HER
2002
***
Two men are drawn together by women they love who are both in a comatose state.
Bold and brassy sexual melodrama which entwines dark and daring themes; it slowly exerts a grip after its deceptively quiet beginning.
Dir: Pedro Almodovar
Stars: Javier Camara, Dario Grandinetti, Rosario Flores, Leonor Watling
TALKING WALLS
1986
0
A student tapes sexual couplings in a hotel for his thesis.
Hopes that this movie will rise to the standard of barely acceptable are soon dashed...
Dir: Stephen Verona
Stars: Stephen Shellen, Marie Laurin, Sybil Danning
THE TALL GUY
1988
*
The straight man to a comedian has a fling with a nurse.
Disappointing comedy which fizzles out into nothing.
Dir: Mel Smith
Stars: Rowan Atkinson, Jeff Goldblum, Emma Thompson, Anna Massey
TAM LIN
1971
0
An elderly woman uses witchcraft to hang on to her young friends.
Hazy, portentous drama with an incredibly boring first hour; full of irksome cinematic platitudes.
Dir: Roddy McDowall
Stars: Ava Gardner, Ian McShane, Richard Wattis, Cyril Cusack, Stephanie Beacham, Joanna Lumley, Madeline Smith
THE TAMING OF THE SHREW
1929
*
Petruchio woos Katherine, or is it the other way around?
This adaptation only uses a fraction of Shakespeare’s words (Pickford is especially taciturn) and includes plenty of knockabout physical humour, much of which works (the director had previously worked on several Harold Lloyd films). The camera movement is surprisingly fluid for the time and it’s quite bright and breezy, but very slight.
Dir: Sam Taylor
Stars: Mary Pickford, Douglas Fairbanks, Edwin Maxwell
THE TAMING OF THE SHREW
1967
**
A scoundrel tames his shrewish wife.
Highly accessible Shakespeare with an abundance of bawdy and boisterous antics.
Dir: Franco Zeffirelli
Stars: Elizabeth Taylor, Richard Burton, Michael York, Cyril Cusack, Michael Hordern
TANGERINE
2015
**
On Christmas Eve in LA, a transgender prostitute tracks down the pimp she believes has been unfaithful to her.
Apparently shot on an iPhone 5S, this is a bracingly different film that crackles with energy and finds humour within its darkness, mainly through its larger-than-life characters; there are many memorable sequences and it is uncomfortably atmospheric.
Dir: Sean Baker
Stars: Kitana Kiki Rodriguez, Mya Taylor, Karren Karagulian, Mickey O'Hagan
TANGERINES
2013
**
In 1990, during the war in Georgia, a farmer takes in two soldiers on opposing sides.
Skilfully handled chamber piece that preaches a message of anti-prejudice and brotherhood, but not in an off-putting way. Feeling very authentic and real, much of its drama is measured and downbeat, making the occasional flashes of violence more powerful.
Dir: Zaza Urushadze
Stars: Lembit Ulfsak, Elmo Nuganen, Misha Meskhi, Giorgi Nakashidze
TANGO & CASH
1988
0
Two cops are framed and must clear their names.
Totally unbelievable cop buddy movie with Stallone delivering a self-mocking parody of his usual screen persona.
Dir: Andrei Konchalovsky
Stars: Sylvester Stallone, Kurt Russell, Teri Hatcher, Jack Palance
TANGO OF PERVERSION
1973
*
A love triangle ends in death and disaster.
Essentially a Roald Dahl-esque melodrama but souped up by gaudy visuals, a heady atmosphere and continental kinkiness.
Dir: Costas Karagiannis
Stars: Lakis Komninos, Giorgos Moschidis, Dorothy Moore
TANYA'S ISLAND
1980
0
A love triangle on a desert island involves a man, a woman and an ape.
Strange mixture of The Blue Lagoon and La Bete that's a bit artsy and a bit porny - the opening credits, for instance, are like the naughtiest ever James Bond film. The ape costume (by Rick Baker and Rob Bottin) isn't bad and it's mostly painless, but there isn't really enough going on, or enough decent dialogue, to fully engage the viewer. But if a high-quality DVD of it ever came out it'd be tempting to check Vanity out once more...
Dir: Alfred Sole
Stars: Vanity (as DD Winters), Richard Sargent, Don McLeod
TALES THAT WITNESS MADNESS
1973
*
Four tales of terror: Mr Tiger, Penny Farthing, Mel and Luau.
Half-cooked horror compendium whose gleeful absurdities include beautiful Joan Collins' husband being unfaithful to her with a tree. Aside from that, the first story is one-tone and predictable, the second has a risible 'changing photograph' and a very confusing ending, and the final one is promising but somewhat bland; the tree story probably is the highlight - the audience certainly witnesses madness.
Dir: Freddie Francis
Stars: Jack Hawkins, Donald Pleasence, Joan Collins, Michael Jayston, Kim Novak, Mary Tamm, Donald Houston, Peter McEnery, Georgia Brown, Suzy Kendall
THE TALK OF THE TOWN
1942
*
An escaped prisoner and a stuffy professor end up in the house of an attractive schoolteacher.
Unusual and not particularly successful mix of comedy and thriller, stretched out to intolerable length; the grace of the three leads lifts it a bit.
Dir: George Stevens
Stars: Cary Grant, Jean Arthur, Ronald Colman, Edgar Buchanan
TALK RADIO
1989
***
A big-mouthed talk show host plays with fire by infuriating his audience.
A compelling study of the restless mind descending into apoplexy; despite being largely speech-based it exerts a real grip from scene to scene, and only loses points for not entirely ringing true, particularly in the closing stages.
Dir: Oliver Stone
Stars: Eric Bogosian, Alec Baldwin, Ellen Greene, Leslie Hope
TALK TO HER
2002
***
Two men are drawn together by women they love who are both in a comatose state.
Bold and brassy sexual melodrama which entwines dark and daring themes; it slowly exerts a grip after its deceptively quiet beginning.
Dir: Pedro Almodovar
Stars: Javier Camara, Dario Grandinetti, Rosario Flores, Leonor Watling
TALKING WALLS
1986
0
A student tapes sexual couplings in a hotel for his thesis.
Hopes that this movie will rise to the standard of barely acceptable are soon dashed...
Dir: Stephen Verona
Stars: Stephen Shellen, Marie Laurin, Sybil Danning
TALL, DARK AND GRUESOME
1948
*
A man tries to relax in the country but a gorilla is delivered to his abode.
Simple and actually quite funny comic short, one of those flicks that is so dedicated to silly fun that you can't help but go along with it; both leads are likeable and Corrigan was of course adept at playing gorillas. Hilariously, in the UK it was one of the few films to get an H (for Horror) certificate - which is astounding.
Dir: Del Lord
Stars: Hugh Herbert, Dudley Dickerson, Ray Corrigan
THE TALL GUY
1988
*
The straight man to a comedian has a fling with a nurse.
Disappointing comedy which fizzles out into nothing.
Dir: Mel Smith
Stars: Rowan Atkinson, Jeff Goldblum, Emma Thompson, Anna Massey
TAM LIN
1971
0
An elderly woman uses witchcraft to hang on to her young friends.
Hazy, portentous drama with an incredibly boring first hour; full of irksome cinematic platitudes.
Dir: Roddy McDowall
Stars: Ava Gardner, Ian McShane, Richard Wattis, Cyril Cusack, Stephanie Beacham, Joanna Lumley, Madeline Smith
THE TAMING OF THE SHREW
1929
*
Petruchio woos Katherine, or is it the other way around?
This adaptation only uses a fraction of Shakespeare’s words (Pickford is especially taciturn) and includes plenty of knockabout physical humour, much of which works (the director had previously worked on several Harold Lloyd films). The camera movement is surprisingly fluid for the time and it’s quite bright and breezy, but very slight.
Dir: Sam Taylor
Stars: Mary Pickford, Douglas Fairbanks, Edwin Maxwell
THE TAMING OF THE SHREW
1967
**
A scoundrel tames his shrewish wife.
Highly accessible Shakespeare with an abundance of bawdy and boisterous antics.
Dir: Franco Zeffirelli
Stars: Elizabeth Taylor, Richard Burton, Michael York, Cyril Cusack, Michael Hordern
TANGERINE
2015
**
On Christmas Eve in LA, a transgender prostitute tracks down the pimp she believes has been unfaithful to her.
Apparently shot on an iPhone 5S, this is a bracingly different film that crackles with energy and finds humour within its darkness, mainly through its larger-than-life characters; there are many memorable sequences and it is uncomfortably atmospheric.
Dir: Sean Baker
Stars: Kitana Kiki Rodriguez, Mya Taylor, Karren Karagulian, Mickey O'Hagan
TANGERINES
2013
**
In 1990, during the war in Georgia, a farmer takes in two soldiers on opposing sides.
Skilfully handled chamber piece that preaches a message of anti-prejudice and brotherhood, but not in an off-putting way. Feeling very authentic and real, much of its drama is measured and downbeat, making the occasional flashes of violence more powerful.
Dir: Zaza Urushadze
Stars: Lembit Ulfsak, Elmo Nuganen, Misha Meskhi, Giorgi Nakashidze
TANGO & CASH
1988
0
Two cops are framed and must clear their names.
Totally unbelievable cop buddy movie with Stallone delivering a self-mocking parody of his usual screen persona.
Dir: Andrei Konchalovsky
Stars: Sylvester Stallone, Kurt Russell, Teri Hatcher, Jack Palance
TANGO OF PERVERSION
1973
*
A love triangle ends in death and disaster.
Essentially a Roald Dahl-esque melodrama but souped up by gaudy visuals, a heady atmosphere and continental kinkiness.
Dir: Costas Karagiannis
Stars: Lakis Komninos, Giorgos Moschidis, Dorothy Moore
TANYA'S ISLAND
1980
0
A love triangle on a desert island involves a man, a woman and an ape.
Strange mixture of The Blue Lagoon and La Bete that's a bit artsy and a bit porny - the opening credits, for instance, are like the naughtiest ever James Bond film. The ape costume (by Rick Baker and Rob Bottin) isn't bad and it's mostly painless, but there isn't really enough going on, or enough decent dialogue, to fully engage the viewer. But if a high-quality DVD of it ever came out it'd be tempting to check Vanity out once more...
Dir: Alfred Sole
Stars: Vanity (as DD Winters), Richard Sargent, Don McLeod
TAR
2022
**
A female composer-conductor finds her life spiralling out of control.
This chilly, intellectual drama sets out its stall from the start: it begins with several minutes of credits you'd normally get at the end of a picture, followed by a long on-stage interview of Blanchett's character, followed by another long conversation at a restaurant. Perhaps, it's saying, get past all this and we'll let you in. It's still a long time till we get to the real meat of the story (as Tar's life is sketched out), always asking the viewer to fill in many details for themselves - perhaps too many. What it does provide is a roll-of-a-lifetime for the star, a triumph in sound engineering and some wise observations about the injustice of 'cancel culture'. Those immersed in the world of modern classical music may appreciate it further.
Dir: Todd Field
Stars: Cate Blanchett, Noemie Merlant, Nina Hoss, Sophie Kauer
1955
*
A tarantula is injected with a special nutrient formula and grows to an enormous size. It then terrorises Arizona.
B-movie chiller with good special effects but no real surprises.
Dir: Jack Arnold
Stars: John Agar, Mara Corday, Leo G Carroll
TARGET EARTH
1954
0
Various people wake up to find themselves in a deserted city: why?
After a hugely promising beginning (similar to a clutch of other sci-fi classics) this gets badly bogged down: the actors appear stuck in treacle as they talk to one another in small rooms while a robot army - actually just the one [archetypally Fifties-ish] robot - wanders the streets and a group of military men chat away. Most of its time bit: 'Take it easy. I'm not going to hurt you.' [Slaps her]
Dir: Sherman A Rose
Stars: Richard Denning, Kathleen Crowley, Virginia Grey, Richard Reeves
TARGET FOR TONIGHT
1941
*
Wartime docudrama detailing an RAF bombing raid on Germany.
Disappointingly dated propaganda film that just doesn’t ring true, especially compared to the likes of 1945’s The True Glory (qv).
Dir: Harry Watt
TARGET: HARRY
1969
0
A pilot gets caught up in a smuggling plot.
Uninteresting, po-faced thriller originally made for television but rejected for being too violent; a decent cast is wasted in travelogue locations that fail to charm.
Dir: Roger Corman
Stars: Vic Morrow, Suzanne Pleshette, Victor Buono, Cesar Romero, Stanley Holloway, Charlotte Rampling, Milton Reid
TARGETS
1968
**
A horror film star feels his movies pale beside modern-day violence; meanwhile, a serial sniper is on the loose.
Taut melodrama which rises above its low budget to offer a succinct and frightening comment on crazy gun laws and the fine line between fantasy and reality.
Dir: Peter Bogdanovich
Stars: Boris Karloff, Tim O'Kelly, Arthur Peterson
TARZAN
1999
*
A male English baby is left in the jungle where he is brought up by apes.
Disney's cartoon is very much aimed at youngsters and is unfortunately saddled with an emetic songtrack by the ghastly Phil Collins; it hits all the beats you expect it to, including the PC ones, and looks decent enough. Funny that it's taken all these years to have a film simply called 'Tarzan'.
Dir: Chris Buck, Kevin Lima
Voices: Tony Goldwyn, Minnie Driver, Brian Blessed, Glenn Close, Nigel Hawthorne
TARZAN
2013
0
A boy grows up in the jungle after his parents are killed; eventually nefarious men arrive to look for a strange and powerful rock from space.
Motion-capture is the only noteworthy feature of this undistinguished effort, which is especially dull in the mid-section.
Dir: Reinhard Klooss
Voices: Kellan Lutz, Spencer Locke, Les Bubb
TARZAN AND HIS MATE
1934
**
English explorers try to persuade Jane to leave Tarzan and come home.
Probably the best of the Weissmuller Tarzans, this raw and vital adventure has a genuine erotic charge and a rip-roaring climax.
Dir: Cedric Gibbons
Stars: Johnny Weissmuller, Maureen O'Sullivan, Neil Hamilton
TARZAN & JANE
2005 (V)
*
Jane remembers three of her adventures with Tarzan.
Around this time Disney was releasing many straight-to-video sequels to their cinema movies, and this one is actually a kind of compilation of three episodes from The Legend Of Tarzan TV series, the episodes here being entitled British Invasion, Volcanic Diamond Mine and Flying Ace. The animators' idea of having jungle shadows cast on the characters is a debatable one but the stories are quite lively, the visuals are decent and it's quite likeable. Young children will enjoy it most.
Dir: Steve Loter etc
Voices: Michael T Weiss, Olivia D'Abo, Jeff Bennett
TARZAN AND THE AMAZONS
1945
0
Explorers attempt to steal gold from an obscure tribe of women.
Largely uninteresting antics – the majority of the film doesn’t deign to be part of the Amazons plotline and this Jane doesn’t convince at all; Cheetah is the best thing about it.
Dir: Kurt Neumann
Stars: Johnny Weissmuller, Brenda Joyce, Johnny Sheffield, Henry Stephenson, Maria Ouspenskaya
TARZAN AND THE GOLDEN LION
1927
0
Lord Greystoke's jungle is invaded by diamond thieves.
Primitive, unthrilling adventure with an unimposing Tarzan (who in real life married Edgar Rice Burroughs' daughter) but with brief better moments provided by a darkened Karloff. Once thought lost forever, its reappearance didn't set the world alight.
Dir: JP McGowan
Stars: James Pierce, Frederick Peters, Edna Murphy, Boris Karloff
TARZAN AND THE GREAT RIVER
1967
0
Tarzan heads to Brazil to stop an evil tribal cult.
Pathetic, juvenile stuff.
Dir: Robert Day
Stars: Mike Henry, Jan Murray, Manuel Padilla Jr
TARZAN AND THE GREEN GODDESS
1938
0
An edited version of the 1935 serial The New Adventures Of Tarzan (qv).
A weird little production with hilariously speeded up fights and a really awful Tarzan cry.
Dir: Edward A Kull, Wilbur McGaugh
Stars: Herman Brix (Bruce Bennett), Ula Holt, Frank Baker
TARZAN AND THE HUNTRESS
1947
0
An animal trainer's boss attempts to steal animals from the jungle.
Run of the mill entry, Sheffield's last as Boy.
Dir: Kurt Neumann
Stars: Johnny Weissmuller, Brenda Joyce, Johnny Sheffield, Patricia Morison
TARZAN AND THE JUNGLE BOY
1968
0
A search party scour the jungle for a boy lost some years previously.
Tedious rubbish which put a stop to the regular flow of Tarzans.
Dir: Robert Gordon
Stars: Mike Henry, Rafer Johnson, Aliza Gur
TARZAN AND THE LEOPARD WOMAN
1946
*
Tarzan battles a cult determined to keep Africa a primitive land.
Above average episode; Acquanetta as the titular villainess adds a bit of exotic colour.
Dir: Kurt Neumann
Stars: Johnny Weissmuller, Brenda Joyce, Johnny Sheffield, Acquanetta
TARZAN AND THE LOST CITY
1998
0
Tarzan protects Amazon from evil white men after a mythical city.
Clichéd adventure that looks like a TV movie trying to be like Indiana Jones.
Dir: Carl Schenkel
Stars: Casper Van Dien, Jane March, Steven Waddington
TARZAN AND THE LOST SAFARI
1957
0
The Jungle King leads five passengers from a crashed aircraft to safety.
Routine jungle antics, the first shot in colour and in African locations, which helps a bit.
Dir: H Bruce Humberstone
Stars: Gordon Scott, Robert Beatty, Yolande Donlan, Wilfrid Hyde-White, George Coulouris
TARZAN AND THE MERMAIDS
1948
0
An evil pearl trader gives Tarzan problems.
Weissmuller's final loin cloth outing was a location-shot 'epic' but suffers from padding despite its short running time.
Dir: Robert Florey
Stars: Johnny Weissmuller, Brenda Joyce, George Zucco
TARZAN AND THE SHE DEVIL
1953
0
Tarzan goes head to head with ivory poachers.
Thin Ape Man adventures with much stock footage, Barker's last in the role.
Dir: Kurt Neumann
Stars: Lex Barker, Joyce Mackenzie, Raymond Burr
TARZAN AND THE SLAVE GIRL
1951
0
A tribe kidnap Jane.
An hour of cheap jungle fun, done exactly the same as before.
Dir: Lee Sholem
Stars: Lex Barker, Vanessa Brown, Robert Alda, Hurd Hatfield
TARZAN AND THE TRAPPERS
1958 (TV)
0
The lord of the jungle fights men trying to rob it of animals.
Three jammed together episodes of a TV series that didn't get past its pilots. The result is an extremely basic, episodic Tarzan adventure with low production values and low excitement levels, with nothing remarkable happening; Scott and Brent deserved better.
Dir: Charles F Haas, Sandy Howard
Stars: Gordon Scott, Eve Brent, Rickie Sorensen
TARZAN AND THE VALLEY OF GOLD
1966
0
Tarzan battles a mad millionaire who believes in a fabled valley of gold.
Mike Henry's first sees the hero modernised and once you're over the shock, this colourful entry has the odd pleasure.
Dir: Robert Day
Stars: Mike Henry, David Opatoshu, Nancy Kovack
TARZAN ESCAPES
1936
*
A white hunter attempts to cage Tarzan and return him to civilisation.
Much re-cut yarn that's among the better ones in the series despite the growing domestication of Tarzan and Jane.
Dir: Richard Thorpe
Stars: Johnny Weissmuller, Maureen O'Sullivan, John Buckler, E E Clive
TARZAN FINDS A SON!
1939
*
The jungle pair find an orphan in the jungle and raise him as their own.
Patchy but generally agreeable adventure with the debut of Boy to add something different.
Dir: Richard Thorpe
Stars: Johnny Weissmuller, Maureen O'Sullivan, Johnny Sheffield, Ian Hunter
TARZAN GOES TO INDIA
1962
0
Tarzan helps save hundreds of elephants from drowning.
Location-shot, quite honourable but regrettably dull Ape Man anecdote.
Dir: John Guillermin
Stars: Jock Mahoney, Leo Gordon, Mark Dana
TARZAN IN MANHATTAN
1989 (TV)
0
The ape man travels to America when Cheeta is kidnapped.
Dumb fun that's pointless to take seriously; very much a TV movie, the bargain-bin actors are strangely likeable, especially Curtis, who's a bit of a hoot.
Dir: Michael Schultz
Stars: Joe Lara, Kim Crosby, Jan-Michael Vincent, Tony Curtis
TARZAN OF THE APES
1918
*
An aristocratic British couple die in the jungle but their son grows up to be its king.
The very first Tarzan film - the first of many - was a big popular success but now, of course, seems extremely basic; its naked boy Tarzan and some other aspects would also bother a modern-day audience. It's a fairly faithful adaptation of Burroughs' novel, and perfectly well constructed (an hour-long version is most commonly seen now), just not for anyone but Tarzan or silent film devotees. Lincoln, who very much looks of his time, played the ape man twice more.
Dir: Scott Sidney
Stars: Elmo Lincoln, Gordon Griffith, Enid Markey, True Boardman
TARZAN THE APE MAN
1932
*
Explorers in Africa include a young woman called Jane, who takes a shine to jungle living.
The first talkie Tarzan and the one with the best ever leads, this unrefined artefact contains a surprising amount of sex and violence.
Dir: W S Van Dyke
Stars: Johnny Weissmuller, Maureen O'Sullivan, Neil Hamilton, C Aubrey Smith
TARZAN THE APE MAN
1959
0
The ape man finds a new friend among some explorers.
Stodgy remake using much stock footage.
Dir: Joseph M Newman
Stars: Denny Miller, Cesare Danova, Joanna Barnes
TARZAN THE APE MAN
1981
0
The tale once more, mainly from Jane's point of view.
A truly abhorrent feature in which the viewer has to sit through mounds of tedium and irritating shouting by Harris to get to the sexy bits with dozy Bo; a rare example of a feature whose end credits are a thousand times more interesting than the film itself.
Dir: John Derek
Stars: Bo Derek, Richard Harris, John Phillip Law, Miles O'Keefe
TARZAN THE FEARLESS
1933
0
A price of £1,000 is put on Tarzan's head by white hunters.
As primitive as the ape man therein, and a chore to watch now. Edited from the first four chapters of a serial.
Dir: Robert F Hill
Stars: Buster Crabbe, Julie Bishop, Edward Woods
TARZAN THE MAGNIFICENT
1960
**
Tarzan escorts a dangerous prisoner out of the jungle to the authorities.
Confident, relatively sophisticated entry that benefits from no Jane, location shooting and a good cast.
Dir: Robert Day
Stars: Gordon Scott, Jock Mahoney, Betta St John, John Carradine, Lionel Jeffries
TARZAN THE TIGER
1929 (serial)
0
Tarzan loses his memory and is taken advantage of by various villains.
About a hundred hours (approximately) of repetitive jungle action, fronted by barrel-chested Merrill, who can't remember what's going on for most of the running time, and whose Tarzan yell is hilarious - it sounds like someone's stepped on his toe (it's the only sound effect in an otherwise silent serial). Add in captions that are irritatingly relaxed about capping up random words (like 'jungle') and you've got something only for the most dedicated of the most dedicated of ape man fans.
Dir: Henry MacRae
Stars: Frank Merrill, Natalie Kingston, Al Ferguson
TARZAN TRIUMPHS
1943
*
Nazis invade the jungle.
Silly but quite amusing tosh in which Tarzan does his bit for the war effort.
Dir: Wilhelm Thiele
Stars: Johnny Weissmuller, Johnny Sheffield, Frances Gifford
TARZAN II
2005 (V)
0
A very young Tarzan learns some lessons.
More direct-to-video stuff from Disney, really this is just trash for toddlers, offering very little to advance the ape man's screen adventures, mostly just a story of cute (and not cute) talking animals, with little real plot. And bloody Phil Collins.
Dir: Brian Smith
Voices: Harrison Chad, George Carlin, Ron Perlman
TARZAN’S DESERT MYSTERY
1943
*
The ape man battles Nazis and dinosaurs for a special serum.
Wild war propaganda that revels in its ludicrousness.
Dir: Wilhelm Thiele
Stars: Johnny Weissmuller, Nancy Keller, Johnny Sheffield, Otto Kruger
TARZAN’S FIGHT FOR LIFE
1958
0
Tarzan must find a serum against the clock.
Another simple-minded Tarzan yarn.
Dir: H Bruce Humberstone
Stars: Gordon Scott, Eve Brent, Rickie Sorensen
TARZAN’S GREATEST ADVENTURE
1959
**
Tarzan pits his wits against four merciless diamond hunters.
One of the finest Ape Man adventures, with plenty of meaty action and even sturdy characterisation.
Dir: John Guillermin
Stars: Gordon Scott, Anthony Quayle, Sara Shane, Sean Connery
TARZAN’S HIDDEN JUNGLE
1955
0
Ruthless hunters plague the jungle king.
Low budget debut for Scott offering up the same old story.
Dir: Harold D Schuster
Stars: Gordon Scott, Vera Miles, Jack Elam
TARZAN’S MAGIC FOUNTAIN
1949
0
A fountain in the jungle appears to offer eternal youth.
Dull exploits, the first Tarzan film for an actor who never appeared well built enough for the role.
Dir: Lee Sholem
Stars: Lex Barker, Brenda Joyce, Albert Dekker, Evelyn Ankers
TARZAN’S NEW YORK ADVENTURE
1942
*
The ape man heads to the Big Apple after Boy is kidnapped.
A nice idea not too well handled, resulting in a slow movie.
Dir: Richard Thorpe
Stars: Johnny Weismuller, Maureen O'Sullivan, Johnny Sheffield, Virginia Grey
TARZAN’S PERIL
1951
0
Escaped convicts sell weapons to a violent tribe.
Almost inactive, charmless, cheapjack stuff.
Dir: Byron Haskin
Stars: Lex Barker, Virginia Huston, George Macready
TARZAN’S REVENGE
1938
0
Hunters once again invade Tarzan's land.
Woeful entry, dreadful in every department; the lead is a bad actor even by Tarzan standards.
Dir: D Ross Lederman
Stars: Glenn Morris, Eleanor Holm, George Barbier
TARZAN’S SAVAGE FURY
1952
0
Tarzan's cousin arrives in Africa looking for diamonds.
Another medium jungle story.
Dir: Cy Endfield
Stars: Lex Barker, Dorothy Hart, Patric Knowles
TARZAN’S SECRET TREASURE
1941
0
Gold is discovered near the ape man's home.
Mundane, predictable and unoriginal happenings in darkest Africa.
Dir: Richard Thorpe
Stars: Johnny Weissmuller, Maureen O'Sullivan, Johnny Sheffield, Reginald Owen
TARZAN’S THREE CHALLENGES
1963
0
Tarzan must perform three tasks to stop an evil ruler.
Disappointingly flat Tarzan movie that suffered production troubles.
Dir: Robert Day
Stars: Jock Mahoney, Woody Strode, Tsu Kobayashi
A TASTE OF EXCITEMENT
1968
0
A woman holidaying in the South of France suspects someone is trying to kill her.
Dry, plodding and humourless thriller with colourless leads, it looks like a cross between a TV movie and a travelogue; interminable after a lively beginning.
Dir: Don Sharp
Stars: Eva Renzi, David Buck, Peter Vaughan, Peter Bowles
TASTE OF FEAR
1961
**
A woman who nearly drowned and is confined to a wheelchair keeps seeing her dead father.
Hammer's first and probably best Les Diaboliques imitation is an atmospheric and twisty chiller in which small details are handled with care - the close-up photography, the background sound, the sudden, sharp shocks.
Dir: Seth Holt
Stars: Susan Strasberg, Ronald Lewis, Ann Todd, Christopher Lee
A TASTE OF HONEY
1961
**
A simple young woman becomes pregnant by a black sailor; she is then cared for by a kindly homosexual.
Unusual, quirky characters blend with starkly shot urban settings in this important and striking kitchen sink drama that boasts particularly idiosyncratic dialogue; some of it was lifted for use in songs by The Smiths, and they are also indebted to the dank, salty feel of the film for much of their early work.
Dir: Tony Richardson
Stars: Rita Tushingham, Dora Bryan, Robert Stephens, Murray Melvin
TATTOO
1980
*
A disturbed tattoo artist kidnaps a beautiful model.
Stretched out Psycho-like thriller that might have explored its concept of the obsessed tattooist in more daring fashion, although it does reach a twisted and titillating conclusion. Dern's performance is worth a watch as is Adams' for different reasons.
Dir: Bob Brooks
Stars: Bruce Dern, Maud Adams, Leonard Frey
TATTOO
2002
*
A young cop investigates a series of murders possibly committed by a demented tattooist.
Glum but effective German thriller, moderately paced but quirky in detail.
Dir: Robert Schwentke
Stars: August Diehl, Christian Redl, Nadeshda Brennicke
TEEN WITCH
1989
0
An unpopular teenager discovers she is descended from witches and uses her powers accordingly.
Teen Wolf imitation that will pass the time for undemanding adolescents.
Dir: Dorian Walker
Stars: Robyn Lively, Dan Gauthier, Joshua John Miller
TEEN WOLF
1985
0
A high school boy discovers he is a werewolf.
Cheap and crass teen comedy that would have bombed were it not for the star.
Dir: Rod Daniel
Stars: Michael J Fox, James Hampton, Susan Ursitti
TEEN WOLF TOO
1987
0
Another teenager turns into a werewolf.
As bad as the original, inept in every way, and with a nobody lead this time.
Dir: Christopher Leitch
Stars: Jason Bateman, Kim Darby, John Astin
TEENAGE CAVE MAN
1958
0
A young(ish) caveman seeks to find out what he shouldn't.
Corman's clinker is not involving but it does have a tangy twist in the tale - were it much shorter it would have been an okay(ish) Twilight Zone episode (it's only 65 minutes long, but don't be mistaken in thinking that goes quickly). As ever with these Fifties sci-fi movies, Bill Warren's amazing Keep Watching The Skies! has the most informed write-up of it.
Dir: Roger Corman
Stars: Robert Vaughn, Darah Marshall, Leslie Bradley
TEENAGE MONSTER
1958
0
A teenager is exposed to meteor rays and becomes a monster.
Not just a B film, maybe a C or D one; dialogue, acting and atmosphere are all nondescript.
Dir: Jacques R Marquette
Stars: Anne Gwynne, Stuart Wade, Gloria Castillo
TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES
1990
*
Four humanoid turtles who are martial arts masters battle evil in the sewers.
The strangely popular cartoon characters found themselves dumped in this cheap and murky looking vehicle with a threadbare plot which hollowly echoes similar kiddie adventures of the past. Didn't stop it making a ton of money though.
Dir: Steve Barron
Stars: Judith Hoag, Elias Koteas, Josh Pais
TEENAGERS FROM OUTER SPACE
1959
0
An alien called Derek goes on the run from his fellow English-speaking colleagues on a visit to Earth.
Fondly abused sci-fi also known as The Gargon Terror - which is probably a better title as this lot look like anything but 'teenagers', but having said that, the Gargon isn't especially terrifying, effectively the shadow of a lobster superimposed on the action. The story is actually alright, not unlike Terminator 2's many years later, but the acting, dialogue and effects aren't quite up to that film's standard. The skeletons are fun (actually, just one skeleton was utilised throughout).
Dir: Tom Graeff
Stars: David Love, Dawn Bender, Bryan Grant
THE TELL-TALE HEART
1960
*
A man murders another and puts him beneath the floorboards; he then starts to hear what appears to be a beating heart.
Acceptable version of Poe’s tale which was perhaps more effectively filmed as an eight minute cartoon seven years previously.
Dir: Ernest Morris
Stars: Laurence Payne, Adrienne Corri, Dermot Walsh
TARZAN TRIUMPHS
1943
*
Nazis invade the jungle.
Silly but quite amusing tosh in which Tarzan does his bit for the war effort.
Dir: Wilhelm Thiele
Stars: Johnny Weissmuller, Johnny Sheffield, Frances Gifford
TARZAN II
2005 (V)
0
A very young Tarzan learns some lessons.
More direct-to-video stuff from Disney, really this is just trash for toddlers, offering very little to advance the ape man's screen adventures, mostly just a story of cute (and not cute) talking animals, with little real plot. And bloody Phil Collins.
Dir: Brian Smith
Voices: Harrison Chad, George Carlin, Ron Perlman
TARZAN’S DESERT MYSTERY
1943
*
The ape man battles Nazis and dinosaurs for a special serum.
Wild war propaganda that revels in its ludicrousness.
Dir: Wilhelm Thiele
Stars: Johnny Weissmuller, Nancy Keller, Johnny Sheffield, Otto Kruger
TARZAN’S FIGHT FOR LIFE
1958
0
Tarzan must find a serum against the clock.
Another simple-minded Tarzan yarn.
Dir: H Bruce Humberstone
Stars: Gordon Scott, Eve Brent, Rickie Sorensen
TARZAN’S GREATEST ADVENTURE
1959
**
Tarzan pits his wits against four merciless diamond hunters.
One of the finest Ape Man adventures, with plenty of meaty action and even sturdy characterisation.
Dir: John Guillermin
Stars: Gordon Scott, Anthony Quayle, Sara Shane, Sean Connery
TARZAN’S HIDDEN JUNGLE
1955
0
Ruthless hunters plague the jungle king.
Low budget debut for Scott offering up the same old story.
Dir: Harold D Schuster
Stars: Gordon Scott, Vera Miles, Jack Elam
TARZAN’S MAGIC FOUNTAIN
1949
0
A fountain in the jungle appears to offer eternal youth.
Dull exploits, the first Tarzan film for an actor who never appeared well built enough for the role.
Dir: Lee Sholem
Stars: Lex Barker, Brenda Joyce, Albert Dekker, Evelyn Ankers
TARZAN’S NEW YORK ADVENTURE
1942
*
The ape man heads to the Big Apple after Boy is kidnapped.
A nice idea not too well handled, resulting in a slow movie.
Dir: Richard Thorpe
Stars: Johnny Weismuller, Maureen O'Sullivan, Johnny Sheffield, Virginia Grey
TARZAN’S PERIL
1951
0
Escaped convicts sell weapons to a violent tribe.
Almost inactive, charmless, cheapjack stuff.
Dir: Byron Haskin
Stars: Lex Barker, Virginia Huston, George Macready
TARZAN’S REVENGE
1938
0
Hunters once again invade Tarzan's land.
Woeful entry, dreadful in every department; the lead is a bad actor even by Tarzan standards.
Dir: D Ross Lederman
Stars: Glenn Morris, Eleanor Holm, George Barbier
TARZAN’S SAVAGE FURY
1952
0
Tarzan's cousin arrives in Africa looking for diamonds.
Another medium jungle story.
Dir: Cy Endfield
Stars: Lex Barker, Dorothy Hart, Patric Knowles
TARZAN’S SECRET TREASURE
1941
0
Gold is discovered near the ape man's home.
Mundane, predictable and unoriginal happenings in darkest Africa.
Dir: Richard Thorpe
Stars: Johnny Weissmuller, Maureen O'Sullivan, Johnny Sheffield, Reginald Owen
TARZAN’S THREE CHALLENGES
1963
0
Tarzan must perform three tasks to stop an evil ruler.
Disappointingly flat Tarzan movie that suffered production troubles.
Dir: Robert Day
Stars: Jock Mahoney, Woody Strode, Tsu Kobayashi
A TASTE OF EXCITEMENT
1968
0
A woman holidaying in the South of France suspects someone is trying to kill her.
Dry, plodding and humourless thriller with colourless leads, it looks like a cross between a TV movie and a travelogue; interminable after a lively beginning.
Dir: Don Sharp
Stars: Eva Renzi, David Buck, Peter Vaughan, Peter Bowles
TASTE OF FEAR
1961
**
A woman who nearly drowned and is confined to a wheelchair keeps seeing her dead father.
Hammer's first and probably best Les Diaboliques imitation is an atmospheric and twisty chiller in which small details are handled with care - the close-up photography, the background sound, the sudden, sharp shocks.
Dir: Seth Holt
Stars: Susan Strasberg, Ronald Lewis, Ann Todd, Christopher Lee
A TASTE OF HONEY
1961
**
A simple young woman becomes pregnant by a black sailor; she is then cared for by a kindly homosexual.
Unusual, quirky characters blend with starkly shot urban settings in this important and striking kitchen sink drama that boasts particularly idiosyncratic dialogue; some of it was lifted for use in songs by The Smiths, and they are also indebted to the dank, salty feel of the film for much of their early work.
Dir: Tony Richardson
Stars: Rita Tushingham, Dora Bryan, Robert Stephens, Murray Melvin
TASTE THE BLOOD OF DRACULA
1970
*
Three Victorian gentlemen are coerced into bringing Dracula back to life.
Hammer's fourth Christopher Lee Dracula film has an interesting first half examining the hypocrisy of the upper classes, along with libertine philosophies - it has shades of Dorian Gray and Dr Jekyll And Mr Hyde. And yes, Dracula does then finally turn up, but the script becomes over-familiar and predictable (not to mention illogical - why does the Count want to slay those who resurrected him?), with his eventual demise being pretty dumb. Oh well, it passes the time.
Dir: Peter Sasdy
Stars: Christopher Lee, Geoffrey Keen, Gwen Watford, Linda Hayden, Peter Sallis
TATTOO
1980
*
A disturbed tattoo artist kidnaps a beautiful model.
Stretched out Psycho-like thriller that might have explored its concept of the obsessed tattooist in more daring fashion, although it does reach a twisted and titillating conclusion. Dern's performance is worth a watch as is Adams' for different reasons.
Dir: Bob Brooks
Stars: Bruce Dern, Maud Adams, Leonard Frey
TATTOO
2002
*
A young cop investigates a series of murders possibly committed by a demented tattooist.
Glum but effective German thriller, moderately paced but quirky in detail.
Dir: Robert Schwentke
Stars: August Diehl, Christian Redl, Nadeshda Brennicke
TAXI DRIVER
1976
****
A Vietnam veteran works as a night-time taxi driver in New York and is eventually pushed over the edge.
Scorsese's best film has lost not an ounce of its power of the years: it's still a compelling dive into the mind of a man ill-suited to everyday life who gives up trying to fit in and goes on the offensive. With its stunning photography - it is the film of the gritty side of New York of the period - wonderful final score by Bernard Hermann and De Niro's iconic interpretation of a fascinating character, it crafts scene after scene of incomparable vividness and distinction, whether they be dialogue scenes, violent ones, or simply the taxi gliding through the city streets. And the director's cameo is priceless.
Dir: Martin Scorsese
Stars: Robert De Niro, Cybill Shepherd, Jodie Foster, Harvey Keitel, Albert Brooks, Peter Boyle
TEEN WITCH
1989
0
An unpopular teenager discovers she is descended from witches and uses her powers accordingly.
Teen Wolf imitation that will pass the time for undemanding adolescents.
Dir: Dorian Walker
Stars: Robyn Lively, Dan Gauthier, Joshua John Miller
TEEN WOLF
1985
0
A high school boy discovers he is a werewolf.
Cheap and crass teen comedy that would have bombed were it not for the star.
Dir: Rod Daniel
Stars: Michael J Fox, James Hampton, Susan Ursitti
TEEN WOLF TOO
1987
0
Another teenager turns into a werewolf.
As bad as the original, inept in every way, and with a nobody lead this time.
Dir: Christopher Leitch
Stars: Jason Bateman, Kim Darby, John Astin
TEENAGE CAVE MAN
1958
0
A young(ish) caveman seeks to find out what he shouldn't.
Corman's clinker is not involving but it does have a tangy twist in the tale - were it much shorter it would have been an okay(ish) Twilight Zone episode (it's only 65 minutes long, but don't be mistaken in thinking that goes quickly). As ever with these Fifties sci-fi movies, Bill Warren's amazing Keep Watching The Skies! has the most informed write-up of it.
Dir: Roger Corman
Stars: Robert Vaughn, Darah Marshall, Leslie Bradley
TEENAGE MONSTER
1958
0
A teenager is exposed to meteor rays and becomes a monster.
Not just a B film, maybe a C or D one; dialogue, acting and atmosphere are all nondescript.
Dir: Jacques R Marquette
Stars: Anne Gwynne, Stuart Wade, Gloria Castillo
TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES
1990
*
Four humanoid turtles who are martial arts masters battle evil in the sewers.
The strangely popular cartoon characters found themselves dumped in this cheap and murky looking vehicle with a threadbare plot which hollowly echoes similar kiddie adventures of the past. Didn't stop it making a ton of money though.
Dir: Steve Barron
Stars: Judith Hoag, Elias Koteas, Josh Pais
TEENAGE ZOMBIES
1959
0
A mad scientist uses gas to turn teenagers into slaves.
Beyond diabolical blatherskite. Even though nothing happens, it happens badly.
Dir: Jerry Warren
Stars: Don Sullivan, Katherine Victor, Steve Conte
TEENAGERS FROM OUTER SPACE
1959
0
An alien called Derek goes on the run from his fellow English-speaking colleagues on a visit to Earth.
Fondly abused sci-fi also known as The Gargon Terror - which is probably a better title as this lot look like anything but 'teenagers', but having said that, the Gargon isn't especially terrifying, effectively the shadow of a lobster superimposed on the action. The story is actually alright, not unlike Terminator 2's many years later, but the acting, dialogue and effects aren't quite up to that film's standard. The skeletons are fun (actually, just one skeleton was utilised throughout).
Dir: Tom Graeff
Stars: David Love, Dawn Bender, Bryan Grant
THE TELEPHONE BOX
1972 (TV)
***
A man gets stuck in a telephone box in a public square.
One of the best short films of the Seventies, this surreal little Spanish marvel is always vividly recalled by those who caught it on British television in the Eighties. It's a perfectly paced, deliciously dark and piquant piece with underlying messages about everything from the encroachment of silent authority on everyday life to how easily it is to be mugged by technology and then humiliated in the public arena; the lead actor could not be better for the role, showing first his befuddlement, then anguish, then horror as the film reaches its not-to-be-forgotten conclusion. You might also think it's about how life beats down the middle-aged, not the youthful (the box doesn't shut on the kid).
Dir: Antonio Mercero
Stars: Jose Luis Lopez Vazquez
THE TELL-TALE HEART
1960
*
A man murders another and puts him beneath the floorboards; he then starts to hear what appears to be a beating heart.
Acceptable version of Poe’s tale which was perhaps more effectively filmed as an eight minute cartoon seven years previously.
Dir: Ernest Morris
Stars: Laurence Payne, Adrienne Corri, Dermot Walsh
TELSTAR
2008
0
The life and death of Sixties music producer Joe Meek.
About as loathsome as a film can be, this is an incompetently directed feature that barely has a single sympathetic character and largely consists of horrible people shouting and swearing at one another, or threatening or committing violence. The director, who is not actually a director, has to take the blame because he encourages all his actors to be ridiculously hysterical and unpleasant, and he has no idea how to tell what might be a decent story; this is a stupid and irritating movie that revels in sordidness, not talent.
Dir: Nick Moran
Stars: Con O'Neill, JJ Feild, Tom Burke, Kevin Spacey
1993
0
A businessman's secretary subtly makes life unbearable for him.
Dim thriller which gets more ridiculous the longer it lasts.
Dir: Tom Holland
Stars: Timothy Hutton, Lara Flynn Boyle, Dwight Schultz, Faye Dunaway
THE TEMPEST
1980
0
An elderly magician lives on a desolate isle with his innocent daughter.
The director's idiosyncratic take on Shakespeare's play is adorned with his usual bizarre and vulgar imagery and none the better for it.
Dir: Derek Jarman
Stars: Peter Bull, David Meyer, Neil Cunningham, Toyah Wilcox
THE TEMPEST
2010
*
Another version in which Prospero is a woman (Prospera).
The last of the Bard’s plays was never the most appealing, and this adaptation, despite iridescent special effects and star names, never looks to be capable of attracting more than a small audience. The director struggles to make the plot feel relevant or engage us with the characters, although it is impressively shot (on an obscure, privately-owned island).
Dir: Julie Taymor
Stars: Helen Mirren, Russell Brand, Djimon Hounsou, Alfred Molina, Alan Cumming, Tom Conti, Felicity Jones, David Strathairn, Ben Wishaw, Reeve Carney
‘10’
1979
*
A man scores women out of ten, then meets one who most definitely deserves the top score.
Fitfully funny comedy which made worldwide stars out of Moore and Derek, who here looks sensational.
Dir: Blake Edwards
Stars: Dudley Moore, Julie Andrews, Bo Derek, Robert Webber, Dee Wallace-Stone, Brian Dennehy
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS
1956
**
Moses frees the slaves and is given the law of God on a stone tablet.
De Mille's remake of his own 1923 film, endowed with even more spectacular Almighty-inspired special effects, is an example of decent, weighty, lengthy storytelling.
Dir: Cecil B De Mille
Stars: Charlton Heston, Yul Brynner, Anne Baxter, Edward G Robinson, Yvonne De Carlo, Debra Paget, Cedric Hardwicke, Nina Foch, Vincent Price, John Carradine
TEN LITTLE INDIANS
1966
*
Ten people are lured to an isolated house and killed one by one.
Sometimes light-hearted version of the Agatha Christie mystery, complete with a 'Whodunit Break' near the end (in some prints); perfectly tolerable and nicely wintry in its settings, although the direction is unremarkable.
Dir: George Pollock
Stars: Hugh O'Brian, Wilfrid Hyde-White, Dennis Price, Shirley Eaton, Fabian, Stanley Holloway, Leo Genn, Daliah Lavi
TEN LITTLE INDIANS
1989
0
Harry Alan Towers' third (!) film version of the Agatha Christie perennial, this time set on an African safari.
The setting is different but doesn't really enhance things, and the cast is undistinguished (especially Stallone), except for Pleasence and Lom, who just look tired - perhaps it was the heat. The hardy story still just about does its job despite the best, or worst, efforts of this bargain bucket director to spoil it.
Dir: Alan Birkinshaw
Stars: Donald Pleasence, Frank Stallone, Brenda Vaccaro, Herbert Lom
10 RILLINGTON PLACE
1971
*
The life and crimes of London murderer John Christie.
Rather pedestrian, giving little insight into his motives, and too earnestly unexciting for its own good.
Dir: Richard Fleischer
Stars: Richard Attenborough, Judy Geeson, John Hurt, Pat Heywood
THE TENANT
1976
0
A man moving into an apartment where the last tenant killed himself fears that it is his destiny to go the same way.
Long-drawn-out and boring psychological drama some way from the director's slightly similar Repulsion. Polanski's character elicits zero sympathy - is he even meant to? - and the fact that we're not sure what is real and what is fantasy blunts any would-be tension or drama.
Dir: Roman Polanski
Stars: Roman Polanski, Isabelle Adjani, Melvyn Douglas, Shelley Winters
TENDER AND PERVERSE EMMANUELLE
1973
0
A pianist is found dead at the bottom of a cliff.
Like a bad dream you'd have after eating too much cheese; you'd be mighty confused but at least enjoy the sexy bits if nothing else.
Dir: Jess Franco
Stars: Norma Castell, Jack Taylor, Lina Romay
TENDER COUSINS
1980
0
A 14-year-old boy takes his first steps into sex in a busy country house in 1939.
This photographer-turned-director may be able to frame a pretty picture but he knows very little about character or narrative, as way too many sketched-in folk amble around chitter-chattering to no discernible effect. There are moments of eroticism but the film’s a huge missed opportunity considering the storyline’s potential.
Dir: David Hamilton
Stars: Thierry Tevini, Anja Schute, Valerie Dumas
TENDER DRACULA
1974
0
Two writers spend the night at the castle of an actor known for his vampire roles.
A horror comedy musical that you quickly realise is senseless garbage without a single redeeming feature, including Cushing. Why did he sign up for trash like this?
Dir: Pierre Grunstein
Stars: Peter Cushing, Alida Valli, Nathalie Corval
TENDER MERCIES
1983
*
A country and western singer brought down by the booze takes up with a single mother.
Slight, low-key drama of redemption, quite nicely done but something of a wisp of a film.
Dir: Bruce Beresford
Stars: Robert Duvall, Tess Harper, Betty Buckley, Wilford Brimley, Ellen Barkin
TENEBRAE
1982
*
An American writer in Rome is stalked by a serial killer.
Ludicrous shocker with more holes than a string vest, redeemed by some smart dialogue and a vibrant sense of style.
Dir: Dario Argento
Stars: Anthony Franciosa, Christian Borromeo, Mirella D'Angelo
TENET
2020
*
An agent battles a Russian who appears to be some sort of time terrorist.
Ostentatious sci-fi thriller from a director who presumably doesn't hear the word 'no' much from producers. Big, brash and mad, the general story is just about understandable even if there are a load of smaller things within it that aren't; it has zero time for humour but plenty for globetrotting and spectacular set-pieces. In a year when there was almost nothing else to go out to see it did a job, but it's not what you'd call likeable, and there are no characters you can begin to empathise with.
Dir: Christopher Nolan
Stars: John David Washington, Robert Pattinson, Kenneth Branagh, Elizabeth Debicki
TENTACLES
1977
0
An octopus threatens a Florida resort.
Deadly Jaws rip-off which plays like a lesson in how not to make a thriller: scenes range from being weirdly insignificant and boring to hilariously inappropriate and badly done, such as the one in which the whale-keeper tells his pets to go and kill the octopus - which leads to the only half-decent sequence at the very end, although it's so dark it's difficult to see what's going on. Jaws sure did inspire some terrible movies.
Dir: Ovidio Assonitis
Stars: John Huston, Shelley Winters, Bo Hopkins, Henry Fonda
THE TENTH VICTIM
1965
0
At some point in the future, a deadly game is played where people hunt one another down.
Bland and uninvolving sci-fi satire that has compensations by way of the iridescent visuals; there are some nice ideas but it's all very silly.
Dir: Elio Petri
Stars: Marcello Mastroianni, Ursula Andress, Elsa Martinelli
TERKEL IN TROUBLE
2004
0
A boy bullied at school turns on his tormentors.
Astonishingly appalling drivel, an animated Danish feature that loses everything in translation, although it may well have always been plotless, irritating, unsympathetic, unfunny and inane.
Dir: Lresten Vestbjerg Andersen etc
Voices: Bill Bailey, Adrian Edmondson, Johnny Vegas
THE TERMINAL
2004
*
A man from an East European country becomes resident of an American airport when his nation is invaded.
Unconvincing drama with a sluggish pace and vats of sentimental sludge.
Dir: Steven Spielberg
Stars: Tom Hanks, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Stanley Tucci
THE TERMINAL MAN
1974
*
A scientist is given a microcomputer in his head to control his violent impulses, but things go wrong.
Slow starting sci-fi with a polished look.
Dir: Mike Hodges
Stars: George Segal, Joan Hackett, Richard A Dysart, Donald Moffat
THE TERMINATOR
1984
***
A cyborg from the future is sent to kill a woman who will give birth to a male who will go on to be victorious in a war against robots.
Ruthless, thrilling sci-fi that gave the monosyllabic star one of his most iconic roles.
Dir: James Cameron
Stars: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Michael Biehn, Linda Hamilton, Lance Henriksen
TERMINATOR 2: JUDGEMENT DAY
1991
****
A cyborg arrives from the future to kill John Connor, but help is at hand.
Almost relentless action thriller whose superbly realised chase and combat sequences more than mask the minor holes in the compelling story; easily the best of the Terminator films, and one of the best action pictures of the Nineties, it also finds time for humour and pathos, alongside stunning imagery and revolutionary special effects. It goes straight to the top of the class.
Dir: James Cameron
Stars: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton, Edward Furlong, Robert Patrick
TERMINATOR 3: RISE OF THE MACHINES
2003
0
A female Terminator comes from the future to slay John Connor.
Soulless, vacuous, ridiculous sequel whose lenient 12 certificate brings shame on the BBFC.
Dir: Jonathan Mostow
Stars: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Nick Stahl, Claire Danes, Kristanna Loken
TERMINATOR GENISYS
2015
*
John Connor's associate comes from the future to stop Skynet being set up.
Hectic fifth in the series with the following as a template: something crazy happens and then minutes later turns out not to be what you thought, and then minutes later that something is not what you thought, and then that isn't what you thought, and so on. It all adds up to a fair bit of confusion, lots of explosions, lots of fights, lots of running and a few quips from the good-to-see-back Schwarzenegger; it ticks enough of the boxes that it needs to.
Dir: Alan Taylor
Stars: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jason Clarke, Emilia Clarke, Jai Courtney
TERMINUS
1961
**
Documentary following comings and goings at London's Waterloo station.
A valuable slice of real-life filmmaking that provides a droll look at everyday existence.
Dir: John Schlesinger
TERMS OF ENDEARMENT
1983
***
An eccentric widow dabbles in dating while her daughter struggles with bringing up a family.
Loosely constructed but immensely successful combination of laughs and tears that allows the actors to perform at optimum levels. Viewed in the right mood it's emotionally devastating by its conclusion; viewed in a less forgiving mood it can seem rather like a schmaltzy TV movie, but star quality and smart scripting still shine through.
Dir: James L Brooks
Stars: Shirley MacLaine, Debra Winger, Jack Nicholson, Jeff Daniels, John Lithgow, Danny DeVito
THE TERROR
1938
0
A criminal mastermind plans an elaborate gold robbery.
Creaky remake of an Edgar Wallace mystery previously filmed in 1928, all very, very dated now; the cast is okay, although Lee's drunk act quickly gets tiresome. Old Dark House-ery should be more horror than crime drama.
Dir: Richard Bird
Stars: Wilfrid Lawson, Bernard Lee, Arthur Wontner, Alastair Sim
THE TERROR
1963
0
A soldier in Napoleon's army pursues a mysterious young woman to an elderly baron's castle.
The stories behind this film are more fulsome than the plot itself - after an enticing beginning it soon turns into a bit of a shaggy-dog story, although there's some distinct imagery (and grand sets from previous Corman horrors). What's most interesting is the collision of the two stars, each representing such very different eras of the movies.
Dir: Roger Corman (and others)
Stars: Jack Nicholson, Boris Karloff, Sandra Knight, Dick Miller
TERROR
1978
0
An ancient witch's curse leads to gruesome deaths in the modern-day.
A heavily Suspiria-influenced shocker that like its alma matter is merely a succession of grisly set-pieces lit in garish - and sometimes effective - fashion, hung on a wisp of a plot: the script is indeed poor, with even the Bathtime With Brenda stuff looking pretty fake. It's a humble, often ramshackle, effort with weak characters that nevertheless isn't dislikeable and managed to be the number one film in the UK for one week.
Dir: Norman J Warren
Stars: John Nolan, Carolyn Courage, James Aubrey, Glynis Barber
TERROR AT LONDON BRIDGE
1985 (TV)
0
London Bridge is moved brick by brick to Arizona, and a phantom of Jack the Ripper appears to go with it.
Bizarre little horror with shocks telegraphed well in advance; but not quite as bad as it might have been.
Dir: E W Swackhamer
Stars: David Hasselhoff, Adrienne Barbeau, Clu Gulager
TERROR AT THE OPERA
1990
*
An opera singer is plagued by a deranged fan.
The photography is more than stylish, the story somewhat senseless and the Sound Of Music ending a mistake.
Dir: Dario Argento
Stars: Cristina Marsillach, Ian Charleson, Daria Nicolodi
TERROR BY NIGHT
1945
*
Sherlock Holmes is asked to guard a valuable diamond on a train journey.
Rathbone's penultimate Holmes movie takes place almost entirely on a train, always a pleasing setting; the mystery that unfolds in it is intriguing enough, adorned by an unexpected twist right at the end. Not quite The Lady Vanishes, but lean and a lot of fun, complete with several eccentrics in the cast.
Dir: Roy William Neill
Stars: Basil Rathbone, Nigel Bruce, Alan Mowbray, Dennis Hoey
TERROR EXPRESS!
1979
*
A gang of thugs terrorise the inhabitants of a night train.
Deliciously seedy and sleazy shocker with utterly corrupt morals. Sounds bad to say it, but it's quite refreshing to see artistic endeavour so freely expressed.
Dir: Ferdinando Baldi
Stars: Silvia Dionisio, Werner Pochath, Zora Kerova
TERROR EYES
1981
*
A murderer in a motorcycle helmet picks off pupils from a night school.
Adequate, rather wishy-washy horror thriller with a few above average scenes, chiefly the ones in the shower and the cafe kitchen, which both slowly build titillating suspense. The motorcyclist killer’s getup is also quite effective.
Dir: Ken Hughes
Stars: Leonard Mann, Rachel Ward, Drew Snyder
TERROR FROM THE YEAR 5000
1958
0
Scientists discover an object sent from the future.
The title's fab, the poster's fab, the premise is pretty good... but the film is awful, with people wandering about and chatting to no one's benefit; as Bill Warren said, it has a hangdog air about it. One suspects that the director had a fondness for ladies' bare bodies but wasn't allowed to show any.
Dir: Robert J Gurney Jr
Stars: Ward Costello, Joyce Holden, Frederic Downs
TERROR IN THE AISLES
1984
*
Compilation of clips and trailers from mainly horror films.
Curious but somehow beguiling oddity that features clips from films as diverse as The Omen, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Scared Stiff and Marathon Man. Nothing's particularly scary because the footage is all ripped out of context, but there's some pleasure is seeing them assembled into a celebration of the genre.
Dir: Andrew J Kuehn
Stars: Donald Pleasence, Nancy Allen
TERROR IN THE WAX MUSEUM
1973
0
The owner of a wax museum gets villainous exhibit figures to do his dirty work.
Shoddily made horror, a bit like a TV movie, which provides the odd decent waxwork-inspired shock for us and the elderly cast.
Dir: Georg Fenady
Stars: Ray Milland, Broderick Crawford, Elsa Lanchester, Louis Hayward, Maurice Evans, John Carradine
TERROR IS A MAN
1959
0
A sailor washes up on an island where a scientist is carrying out unethical experiments.
Slow, moody retread of The Island Of Dr Moreau which turns up the frights towards the end - the creature looks and sounds really quite unpleasant. The first Philippines horror film released in the US.
Dir: Gerry de Leon
Stars: Francis Lederer, Greta Thyssen, Richard Derr
TERROR OF MECHAGODZILLA
1974
0
Godzilla faces a mechanical version of himself.
The makers of these Japanese Godzilla films rarely strayed from their nutty formula, and one imagines poor little kids sat in the cinema, dumped there by their parents. It's interesting to note, however, the devoted following the series has by otherwise intelligent European and American adults.
Dir: Ishiro Honda
Stars: Katsuhiko Sasaki, Tomoko Ai
THE TERROR OF THE TONGS
1961
*
In Hong Kong in 1910, an evil gang rules the province.
Flattish Hammer yarn enlivened by the odd gory moment, Lee's usual majesty, colour, and that special 'feel' that the studio was beginning to regularly deliver. Quite a slight yarn, it provides minor pleasures rather than pain (except for many of the Tongs' victims...).
Dir: Anthony Bushell
Stars: Geoffrey Toone, Christopher Lee, Yvonne Monlaur, Roger Delgado, Burt Kwouk
TERROR ON THE 40TH FLOOR
1974 (TV)
0
The Christmas office party is interrupted by fire.
TV's Towering Inferno, boring and padded, and peopled by cardboard characters who aren't even played by star names.
Dir: Jerry Jameson
Stars: John Forsythe, Joseph Campanella, Lynn Carlin
TERROR TRACT
2000
0
An estate agent tells three gruesome stories connected with three houses: Nightmare, Bobo and Come To Granny (the wraparound tale is known as Make Me An Offer).
Stories one and two are both elongated and absurd - the father in Bobo is clearly the stupidest father who ever existed - but at least the first has quite a neat ending. Story three is likeably daft, as is the wraparound story, which ends on an overblown comedy note. But this often familiar anthology struggles to play better than your average TV movie, and it could have done with a better title (among other things).
Dir: Lance W Dreese, Clint Hutchison
Stars: John Ritter, David DeLuise, Allison Smith
TERRORGRAM
1988
0
Three tales instigated by a mysterious delivery: Heroine Addiction, Pandora and Veteran's Day.
Low budget horror anthology very much bent on delivering a comeuppance to its protagonists; the first story is the best of a bad lot, with some knowing humour, the second is even less subtle than its predecessor and the third wears on for too long.
Dir: Stephen M Kienzle
Stars: Steven Field, JT Wallace, Jerry Anderson, Linda Carol Toner, James Earl Jones
THE TERRORNAUTS
1967
0
A group of scientists, along with a cleaner and an accountant, are transported to a saucer in outer space.
Cheapo, mostly studio-bound sci-fi from good ol' Amicus, that shares a bit of DNA with 1960s Doctor Who (although it's in nice bright colour), and there's one vaguely Dalek looking robot, a monster that is really quite peculiar and a group of blokes painted green wearing what appear to be shower caps. It's all rather cute and cosy, clearly for juniors, albeit with a fair bit of chat, and now has nostalgic value: the climactic space battle even resembles a game of Space Invaders. Watch with a cup of hot chocolate and a nice biscuit.
Dir: Montgomery Tully
Stars: Simon Oates, Zena Marshall, Charles Hawtrey, Patricia Hayes
TERRY ON THE FENCE
1985
*
A young lad gets involved with a gang of ruffians.
One of the last Children's Film Foundation productions, this is one of the most gritty entries, and its grainy 16mm aspect seems apt for a tale involving violence and threat among soon-to-be-renovated districts of South London. In aiming to present a story of moral light and shade for youngsters, it more or less succeeds.
Dir: Frank Godwin
Stars: Jack McNicholl, Neville Watson, Tracey Ann-Morris
TESS
1981
**
In the 19th century, a simple rural girl is sought by two different men.
Classy version of Thomas Hardy's novel in which both the star and the surrounding landscape look gorgeous.
Dir: Roman Polanski
Stars: Nastassja Kinski, Peter Firth, Leigh Lawson, John Collin
TEST PILOT
1938
*
A woman marries a daring test pilot whose every trip may be his last.
Odd, reasonably endearing drama with lightheartedness and romance, not entirely unpredictable, a tad too long. The flying scenes must have thrilled back in the day.
Dir: Victor Fleming
Stars: Clark Gable, Myrna Loy, Spencer Tracy, Lionel Barrymore
TESTAMENT
1983
*
Life for an American family after a nuclear attack.
Low key, glum post-apocalyptic drama concentrating on personal agonies.
Dir: Lynne Littman
Stars: Jane Alexander, William Devane, Lukas Haas
TEXAS CHAINSAW 3D
2013
0
A teenage girl discovers she is related to Leatherface's family.
Sequel to the 1974 film that lacks personality and anything like the intensity of the original. It has little to offer except Alexandra Daddario's flat stomach.
Dir: John Luessenhop
Stars: Alexandra Daddario, Tanya Raymonde, Scott Eastwood, Dan Yeager
THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE
1974
**
A giant maniac with a huge chainsaw attacks those who encroach upon his territory.
This famous horror film is a curious beast: you can imagine some coming to it and being crushingly disappointed, seeing little merit in it at all, but although it is quite simple, and at times difficult viewing, it undeniably possesses a strange and heady charge, particularly in the final third, which involves a lot of screaming and running around. While some of us aren't as convinced as others that it's an all-time classic, it is nonetheless powerful and visceral, and probably did change the face of terror cinema.
Dir: Tobe Hooper
Stars: Marilyn Burns, Gunnar Hansen, Edwin Neal, Allen Danziger
THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE
2003
**
Slick remake that's technically better than the original if without its rawness. It hikes the tension up early on and keeps it at a pitch.
Dir: Marcus Nispel
Stars: Jessica Biel, Jonathan Tucker, Erica Leerhsen, R Lee Ermey, Andrew Bryniarski
THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE PART 2
1986
*
A marshal goes after the cannibal family.
Madcap sequel that effectively turns into a hilarious, even more violent remake of the first movie.
Dir: Tobe Hooper
Stars: Dennis Hopper, Caroline Williams, Bill Moseley
Sequel: Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (qv)
THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE BEGINNING
2006
0
In 1969 four young people encounter the cannibalistic family.
Rather tiresome torture porn that doesn’t offer many surprises.
Dir: Jonathan Liebesman
Stars: Jordana Brewster, Taylor Handley, Diora Baird, Matt Bomer, R Lee Ermey
TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE NEXT GENERATION
1994
0
Teenagers on their prom night get lost in the woods where they meet a warped, murderous family.
A film that is nowhere near as bad as some have claimed: like most of the TCM movies it's essentially a retread of the first one, only here Leatherface is bizarrely done out like a woman and doesn't kill anyone. Future stars Zellweger and McConaughey add some gravitas to the strange, disturbing proceedings, and even if the film doesn't really go anywhere, and ends on an extremely odd note, it's worth seeing for followers of the franchise, as it immerses the audience in a very different, uncomfortable reality.
Dir: Kim Henkel
Stars: Renee Zellweger, Matthew McConaughey, Robert Jacks
THANK YOU FOR SMOKING
2005
***
A spinmaster for a tobacco company is forced to examine his role.
Super-smart satire that sees the best dialogue in years mouthed by a fine cast under quirky but sure-handed direction.
Dir: Jason Reitman
Stars: Aaron Eckhart, Maria Bello, William H Macy, Rob Lowe, Katie Holmes, Robert Duvall
THANK YOU, JEEVES!
1936
0
English aristocrat Bertie Wooster and his manservant Jeeves get involved in a mysterious woman and some shady hoods.
When is PG Wodehouse not PG Wodehouse? When it's this first movie version of Jeeves and Wooster who are present in name only and take part in a minor criminal caper that obviously isn't even in London. Moderate pleasures, and a long way from the sophistication and wit of the books.
Dir: Arthur Greville Collins
Stars: David Niven, Arthur Treacher, Virginia Field
THAT KIND OF GIRL
1963
*
A beautiful Austrian au pair in London unfortunately contracts VD.
A warning against sexual promiscuousness that thankfully doesn’t become preachy until the latter stages – before then we get a rather sweet tale of naivety set against a background that captures a flavour of the times. Although made very cheaply and with an intrusive score, it has some quiet charm.
Dir: Gerry O’Hara
Stars: Margaret-Rose Keil, David Weston, Linda Marlowe, Peter Burton
THAT SUMMER!
1979
*
Two northern girls head to Torquay to work as chambermaids where they meet different males vying for their attention.
Nostalgia enshrouds this parochial drama, but presumably that was the idea from the start – note the tense of the title – and viewed now, nostalgia is certainly what you feel, ostensibly for far away west coast summers discovering the opposite sex, real life and another corner of the world. Dramatically and technically it’s no great shakes, but it doesn’t matter too much: you go with it because of the mood and the feelings it imbues, not to mention the great music often playing in the background.
Dir: Harvey Cokeliss
Stars: Ray Winstone, Emily Moore, Tony London, Julie Shipley
THAT TOUCH OF MINK
1962
*
A rich businessman is smitten with a woman whose coat he dirties.
Of its time comic romance, somewhat obsessed with sex, that could be all sorts of 'inappropriate' to certain modern viewers: more importantly, judged now it's just not that thrilling. Neither star would do this sort of thing for much longer.
Dir: Delbert Mann
Stars: Cary Grant, Doris Day, Gig Young, John Astin
THAT’LL BE THE DAY
1973
*
A discontented young man decides on a career in the pop business.
Curious, downbeat drama which kind of ends at what could be the beginning. In its favour, the cast and song numbers have interest.
Dir: Claude Whatham
Stars: David Essex, Ringo Starr, Rosemary Leach, James Booth, Billy Fury, Keith Moon
THAT’S CARRY ON
1977
*
Compilation of the best moments from the 28 Carry On films made up to that point, with the exception of the previous year's Carry On England. The clips are mainly in chronological order, apart from clips at the beginning and the end - which is wise, as we end on a high of the dinner party scene in Carry On Up The Khyber. Williams and Windsor appear in between the footage with a script that doesn't exactly utilise Williams' intellect. Those wanting more gravity or behind the scenes tattle will naturally be disappointed, and the format, with the footage ripped out of context, and some lesser moments, gets a little tiresome midway through, but as Carry On compilations go, it may be the one to see - memorable moments from Nurse, Constable, Camping, Dick and others are present and correct.
Dir: Gerald Thomas
Stars: Kenneth Williams, Barbara Windsor
THAT’S MY WIFE
1929
**
After his wife walks out on him, Ollie enlists Stan to pose as his other half in order to persuade a rich uncle to leave him his fortune.
Sprightly short which sustains its drag premise and provides some amusingly risqué moments in the restaurant. One of their best silent films, it reaches heights of agreeable absurdity, and it inspired routines in Monty Python and Fawlty Towers many years later. Stan as a lady is hysterical.
Dir: Lloyd French
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, William Courtright
THAT'S SEXPLOITATION!
2013
*
Documentary about American sexploitation films from the 1920s to the 1970s.
Essentially an advert for the Something Weird video label, this features an enormous amount of trailers and footage from various slipshod sexy efforts, many curated by Friedman, who has a very good memory (and who died shortly after completing this). There's some fun stuff here but the film is at least half an hour too long and gets boring at times.
Dir/Narrator: Frank Henenlotter
Stars: David F Friedman
THAT'S YOUR FUNERAL
1972
0
Rival funeral firms do battle.
There's not a single laugh in this comedy, perhaps the all-time low of Hammer films; the stiflingly male-heavy cast (there's one female speaking part) struggle through a verbose, wearying plot it's difficult to want to keep up with. This unwelcome spin-off from a nondescript TV series is so incompetent that the opening titles spell That's without an apostrophe.
Dir: John Robins
Stars: Bill Fraser, Raymond Huntley, David Battley, Dennis Price
THEATRE OF BLOOD
1973
***
A failed Shakespearean actor kills his harshest critics in the manner of murders from the Bard's plays.
One of the very best British horror films, this gives Price one of his greatest roles, one which has some pathos while allowing him to both extensively quote Shakespeare and appear in a number of different guises - no wonder it was his favourite of his own movies. Director Hickox does a fine balancing job with the comic and horror elements, with extensive London location filming, particularly of areas around the Thames, enhancing it further. The plot is just such a goer - and the cast is glorious, a beautiful roll call of talent.
Dir: Douglas Hickox
Stars: Vincent Price, Diana Rigg, Ian Hendry, Milo O'Shea, Coral Browne, Harry Andrews, Jack Hawkins, Michael Hordern, Arthur Lowe, Robert Morley, Dennis Price, Eric Sykes, Madeline Smith, Diana Dors
THEATRE OF DEATH
1966
0
Vampiric murders in Paris are traced back to a theatre.
Dingy thriller with very little horror or flavour of Paris.
Dir: Samuel Gallu
Stars: Christopher Lee, Julian Glover, Leila Goldoni
THEIR FIRST MISTAKE
1932
**
Ollie adopts a baby to assuage his wife, but he and Stan end up having to care for it.
Bright star comedy with a particularly splendid first two thirds, as the boys set out their demented plan for happiness; it then runs out of ideas and ends on an inconsequential note.
Dir: George Marshall
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Mae Busch, Billy Gilbert
THEIR PURPLE MOMENT
1928
*
Stan and Ollie sneak out on their wives for a night on the town.
The ideas in this short would be developed with more success later; here the comedy bubbles along nicely enough until the rather abrupt, unsatisfying conclusion.
Dir: James Parrott
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Tiny Sandford
THELMA & LOUISE
1991
**
A waitress and a housewife shoot a rapist and take off in their car through the desert.
Smart and offbeat road movie, skilfully shot and performed, a satisfying entertainment.
Dir: Ridley Scott
Stars: Susan Sarandon, Geena Davis, Harvey Keitel, Michael Madsen, Brad Pitt
THEM!
1954
**
Thanks to nuclear tests, ants grow to an enormous size and attack the population.
Beginning with eerie desert scenes and ending in fiery sewer destruction, this is the first and possibly best of the '50s giant bug movies, although it has less impact now, inevitably. One problem is that the threat is more talked about than seen (there are a lot of meetings in this movie), and the critters themselves aren’t hugely impressive; the real-life nature film about ants shown halfway is probably the most fascinating bit of it.
Dir: Gordon Douglas
Stars: James Whitmore, Edmund Gwenn, Joan Weldon, James Arness
THEM THAR HILLS
1934
**
Stan and Ollie head to the countryside to relax but end up getting inadvertently sloshed on moonshine.
Pleasant bucolic knockabout that pits the boys against their frequent adversary Charlie Hall, which is always great value. It's more moderately paced than some, having us anticipate the hiccups to come as we see Ollie with his foot wrapped up, or the well water being laced with alcohol - and the pay-offs are inevitably mirthsome.
Dir: Charley Rogers
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Mae Busch, Charlie Hall, Billy Gilbert
THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING
2014
**
The life of physicist Stephen Hawking from him meeting his first wife to the publication of his bestseller A Brief History Of Time.
The story of an extraordinary man - and an extraordinary medical case - told in a straightforward, no-frills fashion, which actually suits it very well; refreshingly free of cliche, it's never less than authentic looking and assuredly handled, and boats the performance of a lifetime from Redmayne.
Dir: James Marsh
Stars: Eddie Redmayne, Felicity Jones, Tom Prior, David Thewlis
THERE WILL BE BLOOD
2007
***
At the start of the 20th century, an oil man tries to make as much money as possible by finding lucrative new fields.
Character-driven epic that offers a great deal to chew on and admire: the sweeping cinematography, a meaty, layered storyline, an unusual, effective score and, most of all, Day-Lewis's deep, textured performance that’s worth the price of admission alone – he ensures that nothing is assumable about his character and, as the movie progresses, it becomes impossible to guess what he will do next. Remarkably different from pretty much any other film, it's easily one of the best of its year.
Dir: Paul Thomas Anderson
Stars: Daniel Day-Lewis, Paul Dano, Kevin J O’Connor, Ciaran Hinds
THERE’S A GIRL IN MY SOUP
1970
*
A vain, womanising TV personality takes on the tough job of seducing a 19-year-old girl he desires.
Sellers just about lifts this middling, aimless sex comedy out of the ordinary, wickedly playing an ageing lothario with similarities to his real life self. It still can't escape its stage origins, though, and nowadays plays a little oddly - there are certainly not that many laughs in it.
Dir: Roy Boulting
Stars: Peter Sellers, Goldie Hawn, Tony Britton, Nicky Henson, Diana Dors
THERE’S NO BUSINESS LIKE SHOW BUSINESS
1954
*
A family showbiz act begins to break up when one meets a beautiful girl.
Entertaining musical with good tunes and cast, particularly a luscious Monroe.
Dir: Walter Lang
Stars: Marilyn Monroe, Dan Dailey, Ethel Merman, Donald O'Connor
THERE’S ONLY ONE JIMMY GRIMBLE
2000
*
A bullied schoolboy takes solace in football, and tastes success thanks to a former professional player.
Hardly original or unpredictable drama which nevertheless, after a gloomy start, becomes quite uplifting.
Dir: John Hay
Stars: Lewis McKenzie, Jane Lapotaire, Gina McKee, Robert Carlyle
THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY
1998
*
A man gets the chance to once again meet up with the girl he adored at high school.
Nasty comedy that treads an uncertain line between high farce (which is sometimes very funny) and serious unpleasantness.
Dir: Bobby Farrelly, Peter Farrelly
Stars: Cameron Diaz, Matt Dillon, Ben Stiller, Lee Evans
THEY CAME FROM BEYOND SPACE
1967
*
When meteorites land in Cornwall, it soon transpires it is part of a plot by aliens.
Likeable hokum that one shouldn't take too seriously - it's essentially a boy's own sci-fi adventure imbued with the pleasing Englishness of the time, partly shot on some cute Doctor Who/Avengers-like sets, and it does conjure up some paranoia-tinged suspense at times. Plus, psychedelia like the chief aliens' garb is fun to behold.
Dir: Freddie Francis
Stars: Robert Hutton, Jennifer Jayne, Bernard Kay, Michael Gough
THEY CAME TO A CITY
1944
0
Nine people somehow end up in a strange, otherworldly city.
It's tempting to dismiss this as dangerous utopian thinking although you remind yourself that a war was going on at the time. What it certainly is though, is a highly theatrical piece in which actors make clunky proclamations about the state of the world while on a film set, delivering the writer's misguided political outlook. While it has some interest from a historical perspective, it's not a riveting watch; it's like author JB Priestley's An Inspector Calls but without the tang or intriguing plot.
Dir: Basil Dearden
Stars: John Clements, Googie Withers, Raymond Huntley, Renee Gadd
THEY DRIVE BY NIGHT
1938
**
An ex con is accused of the murder of his girlfriend.
Superior British thriller showing some excellent work, particularly in the first half.
Dir: Arthur B Woods
Stars: Emlyn Williams, Ernest Thesiger, Anna Konstam
THEY GO BOOM
1929
*
Stan tries to help Ollie with his cold, but only makes things worse.
Confined star comedy providing some amusement; there’s little that’s truly side-splitting but it’s nice to see them work pratfalls out of a very limited plot. A couple of years later, after the partnership had been further honed and the dialogue advanced, they added a dog to the basic scenario, with much success, in Laughing Gravy (qv, natch).
Dir: James Parrott
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Charlie Hall
THEY LIVE
1989
*
A construction worker acquires some shades that give him the ability to spot which humans are really invading aliens.
Droll sci-fi which fairly successfully combines social comment and action, even if the social comment is unsubtle and unfocused, and the action sometimes resembles WWF wrestling. The sunglasses gimmick is its most successful idea.
Dir: John Carpenter
Stars: Roddy Piper, Keith David, Meg Foster
THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS
1972
0
A modern-day New Yorker believes that he is Sherlock Holmes.
A strange film about hiding from the awfulness of reality that’s not especially appetising.
Dir: Anthony Harvey
Stars: George C Scott, Joanne Woodward, Jack Gilford
THEY NEST
2000 (TV)
0
An island becomes infested with deadly insects.
Possibly you have to question the motives behind making a movie which relentlessly produces a 'yuck!' reaction - after a while you're so yucked out you think: would my time not be better spent watching something else? It's competent enough, always muddy looking and a bit like a much inferior The Birds with nasty creepy crawlies instead of the feathered lot.
Dir: Ellory Elkayem
Stars: Thomas Calabro, Dean Stockwell, John Savage, Kristen Dalton
THEY SHALL NOT GROW OLD
2018
***
Documentary about the First World War that uses mostly colourised footage from the conflict set to the remembrances of the Allied soldiers involved.
Not just a triumph of 21st century technology (its many innovations include adding a verbal soundtrack to 100-year-old silent film, achieved through lip-reading) but a stirring chronicle of first-hand experiences - which are relentlessly delivered amidst remarkable pictures that make it feel like this all happened yesterday. Maybe that's the point: that just because this is 'history' we should not ignore it or think it not relevant to us. Whatever the case, it's a valuable document.
Dir: Peter Jackson
THEY SHOOT HORSES, DON'T THEY?
1969
**
Desperate contestants take part in a prize-winning dance marathon in Depression-era America.
Movies do not get much bleaker than this one, and while made with great skill, in the end it's just so wretchedly depressing as to be almost laughable (and you'd be forgiven for branding the climax ridiculous): the mood is set by the beautiful but permanently vile Fonda, acting her heart out, and the 'derby' scenes are brutal and remarkable. The story, what there is of it, sometimes stops dead still for more anguish and fretting. Perhaps the details are accurate, but did such marathons really go on for weeks and weeks? How did these characters manage to compete in them?
Dir: Sydney Pollack
Stars: Jane Fonda, Michael Sarrazin, Gig Young, Susannah York, Red Buttons
THEY’RE PLAYING WITH FIRE
1984
0
A man appears to be murdering his way to an inheritance.
Acceptable exploitation film in which the killer can be guessed 20 minutes from the end. Danning could never be a teacher.
Dir: Howard Avedis
Stars: Sybil Danning, Eric Brown, Andrew Prine
THICKER THAN WATER
1935
**
Stan and Ollie waste the housekeeping money on a grandfather clock which is promptly destroyed.
The boys' last short is much better than some say and has some quirky ideas, including the optical wipes and the finale in which Stan and Ollie end up having swapped bodies. There's also plenty of priceless absurdist inanity, and Finlayson's wonderful 'he gave that to you, you gave that to him...' bluster.
Dir: James W Horne
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Daphne Pollard, James Finlayson, Charlie Hall
THE THIEF
1952
0
A nuclear physicist in Washington is really a foreign spy.
An attempt to make a thriller with no dialogue whatsoever - not surprisingly the strain soon shows and the film struggles to maintain the interest.
Dir: Russell Rouse
Stars: Ray Milland, Martin Gabel, Harry Bronson
THE THIEF
1997
***
Soon after World War Two, a woman with a young son meets a soldier who is not all he seems.
One of the best and most accessible Russian films of recent decades, this is a stirring, human drama about how children can be betrayed by adults; much of the imagery may be dour but it fittingly embellishes the sad, emotional tale.
Dir: Pavel Chukhray
Stars: Vladimir Mashkov, Yekaterina Rednikova, Mikhail Filipchuk
A THIEF IN THE NIGHT
1972
0
Christians tell a young woman about the Rapture - and after she gets married it appears to come true.
Hilarious bosh from our religious friends, the first half of this is straight-up, prolix propaganda, the second half tries to be something of a thriller but is so slackly handled it's just completely without worth. You almost feel jealous of the naivety of those who wouldn't laugh it off the screen.
Dir: Donald W Thompson
Stars: Patty Dunning, Mike Niday, Colleen Niday
THE THIEF OF BAGDAD
1924
*
To win the hand of a Caliph's daughter, a thief embarks on a perilous quest.
What was breathtaking and bewitching at the time now seems obvious and yawn-worthy, although the monsters have retained a certain charm.
Dir: Raoul Walsh
Stars: Douglas Fairbanks, Snitz Edwards, Charles Belcher
THE THIEF OF BAGDAD
1940
****
A usurped king joins forces with a thief to try and win back his throne and his true love.
Majestic fantasy filled with an overpowering sense of magic and wonder, and lots of imaginative ideas executed with verve (the flying horse, the genie, the magic carpet, the giant spider etc); it may be the most colourful movie ever made, and was certainly one of the most remarkable films to come out of Britain at the time - which is even more impressive considering a war was on. How it must have enchanted rows upon rows of open-mouthed, google-eyed audiences in the Forties, and it still stands up today, especially after it really gets going, despite the special effects inevitably now looking of their time. The vibrant individual performances remain as striking as ever, though.
Dir: Michael Powell, Ludwig Berger, Tim Whelan
Stars: Conrad Veidt, Sabu, June Duprez, John Justin, Rex Ingram
THE THIEF OF BAGHDAD
1978
0
A wily thief helps a prince win the hand of a beautiful princess.
Made for TV but given a cinema release in Britain, this pedestrian remake lacks the splendour and technical proficiency of the movie made 38 years previously.
Dir: Clive Donner
Stars: Roddy McDowall, Frank Finlay, Peter Ustinov, Terence Stamp, Ian Holm
THIEF OF HEARTS
1984
0
A married woman is seduced by a stranger who knows all about her because he has read her diaries.
Minor studio product, something to watch on a rainy day.
Dir: Douglas Day Stewart
Stars: Steven Bauer, Barbara Williams, John Getz, David Caruso
THE THIN BLUE LINE
1988
*
Documentary which successfully attempted to prove the innocence of a man accused of killing a policeman.
Probing and responsible filmmaking that’s among the most praised of its genre – it’s certainly tightly controlled and technically adept but it can’t escape the fact that it’s largely footage of people sitting talking to the camera.
Dir: Errol Morris
THE THIN MAN
1934
***
A husband and wife detective team solve a murder.
Delightful freewheeling comedy thriller which spawned several imitations and sequels.
Dir: W S Van Dyke
Stars: William Powell, Myrna Loy, Maureen O'Sullivan, Cesar Romero
THE THIN RED LINE
1998
**
In 1942, American soldiers aim to take a hill occupied by the Japanese.
A very typical film of its director, this is an intelligent and beautifully photographed but confused, sometimes dull and overlong picture that will likely split its audience down the middle. Unfailingly arty, perhaps it's ironic that by far the most arresting sequences are those that feature the fighting, which is convincingly shot and exciting; one suspects that the director may not be keen on this verdict.
Dir: Terrence Malick
Stars: Sean Penn, Jim Caviezel, Nick Nolte, Adrien Brody, Woody Harrelson, John Travolta, George Clooney, John Cusack, Ben Chaplin
THE THING
1982
***
Scientists in the Antarctic are menaced by a shape-shifting alien.
Superior remake of the below that ratchets up the tension, then frequently splits it asunder with superbly gruesome special effects.
Dir: John Carpenter
Stars: Kurt Russell, Wilford Brimley, T K Carter, Keith David
THE THING FROM ANOTHER WORLD
1951
**
Scientists battle a blood-thirsty alien amid snowy wastes.
Terse sci-fi offering a few well-timed shocks.
Dir: Christian Nyby, Howard Hawks
Stars: Kenneth Tobey, Margaret Sheridan, James Arness
THINGS TO COME
1936
***
Earth's future goes from war and deprivation to a new age of reason.
For the time, a movie that was immense in scope and ambition and one that dazzled and frightened movie goers. Time has not treated it well, with the stilted acting and dry, humourless scripting being particularly evident, but it remains a dynamic spectacle that still demands attention.
Dir: William Cameron Menzies
Stars: Raymond Massey, Edward Chapman, Ralph Richardson, Cedric Hardwicke
THE THIRD MAN
1949
****
An American writer arriving in post-war Vienna is informed that the friend who was waiting for him has been murdered.
A classic slice of post-war cinema that's strikingly shot from first frame to last, backed by that zimmer score and bolstered by superb performances from every member of the cast. One of the great British films, and certainly one of the most astonishingly original.
Dir: Carol Reed
Stars: Joseph Cotten, Alida Valli, Orson Welles, Trevor Howard, Bernard Lee, Wilfrid Hyde-White, Paul Horbiger
THIRST
1979
*
A modern-day vampire cult try to recruit the ancestor of legendary bloodsucker Elizabeth Bathory.
The concept is fairly original and there are some attention-grabbing surreal images, but the plot's thinness does show through – a sparse amount of dialogue and an ambling, dreamlike midsection are notable signs of this.
Dir: Rod Hardy
Stars: Chantal Contouri, Shirley Cameron, Max Phipps, David Hemmings
13 GHOSTS
1960
0
A family moves into a house with some unusual hauntings.
A fairly juvenile horror with not unpredictable development; the fun factor must have been upped for audiences at the time who used special glasses that allowed them to see or un-see the ghosts. You have to applaud Castle for his showmanship efforts, even if this is a lesser effort.
Dir: William Castle
Stars: Martin Milner, Charles Herbert, Jo Morrow, Rosemary DeCamp
THIRTEEN GHOSTS
2001
0
A family are forced to endure a house that is a box of deadly tricks as part of an inheritance.
A lesson in how not to make a shocker, this tat is devoid of suspense and subtlety, has a rubbish cast, is confined and claustrophobic, and is never less than extremely grating.
Dir: Steve Beck
Stars: Tony Shalhoub, Embeth Davidtz, Matthew Lillard, Shannon Elizabeth
13 GOING ON 30
2004
*
A 13-year-old's wish to be 30 comes true.
A few minor tweaks to a familiar template make this digestible enough, and ideal for 13-year-old girls, if not exclusively so. Its embrace of naivety and innocence is nice-ish, but imagine a proper grown-up film with this subject matter.
Dir: Gary Winick
Stars: Jennifer Garner, Mark Ruffalo, Judy Greer
13HRS
2010
0
Youths hide from a vicious monster in a big house.
Why can’t British horror films have casts of middle-aged or older people any more? Why can’t filmmakers be more imaginative than simply relaying a siege/chase scenario? Why do snotty youths squabbling, swearing, crying and moaning pass for entertainment? Why do dire and depressing movies like these even have to be made?
Dir: Jonathan Glendening
Stars: Isabella Calthorpe, Tom Felton, Gemma Atkinson, Joshua Bowman
13HRS
2010
0
Youths hide from a vicious monster in a big house.
Why can’t British horror films have casts of middle-aged or older people any more? Why can’t filmmakers be more imaginative than simply relaying a siege/chase scenario? Why do snotty youths squabbling, swearing, crying and moaning pass for entertainment? Why do dire and depressing movies like these even have to be made?
Dir: Jonathan Glendening
Stars: Isabella Calthorpe, Tom Felton, Gemma Atkinson, Joshua Bowman
THE THIRTEENTH CHAIR
1929
0
A seance is held to find a murderer - and someone is murdered at it.
Of course this is Dated from Datedsville, Datedsfornia, and watching it now is like trying to crack a code: it's hard to follow because of a) the confusing story, with numerous characters it's impossible to fully identify, b) the terrible sound and picture quality and c) its static and creaky style does not keep the viewer alert. A few hilariously hammy actor moments, and Lugosi showing up, might do though.
Dir: Tod Browning
Stars: Bela Lugosi, Conrad Nagel, Leila Hyams, Margaret WycherlyTHE 39 STEPS
1935
****
A man is forced to go on the run when the spy he has befriended is killed.
The quintessential Hitchcock chase thriller, full of his delicious touches, it comfortably stands up to multiple viewings after all these years; Donat is the perfect lead, the camerawork is exceptional, humour is never far away, even lesser characters are given strong personality - its standing is deserved.
Dir: Alfred Hitchcock
Stars: Robert Donat, Madeleine Carroll, Lucie Mannheim, Godfrey Tearle, Peggy Ashcroft, John Laurie
30 YEARS OF FUN
1963
*
One of the weaker Youngson compilations, this midway effort has highlights in the form of Chaplin’s Easy Street and The Ring, and Stan and Ollie's first meeting in The Lucky Dog, but some lesser material – in fact the historical footage is sometimes more interesting than the comedy footage, and there's a fair bit of it. Poor picture quality is also very evident now, not too surprisingly.
Dir: Robert Youngson
Narrator: Jay Jackson. Stars: Charles Chaplin, Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Buster Keaton, Harry Langdon, Snub Pollard, Charley Chase
THIS FILM IS NOT YET RATED
2006
*
Documentary about the American movie ratings board and its alleged faults. While not the devastating exposé its maker possibly thinks it is, this is an interesting if uneven piece of campaigning filmmaking whose targets vary in validity.
Dir/Narrator: Kirby Dick
THIS HAPPY BREED
1944
**
The story of a London family between the wars.
Flawed it may be, but this very English drama is important because it says a good deal about the character of our people – their humour, resourcefulness, stoicism, habits – and does so in a manner untainted by cynicism and rancour. It’s only cinematic in short bursts, and often too talky and soapy, but was not undeserving of the careful restoration it received in 2008, when its grey skies were literally turned blue.
Dir: David Lean
Stars: Robert Newton, Celia Johnson, Stanley Holloway, John Mills, Kay Walsh
THIS IS AMERICA PART 2
1980
*
Mondo type documentary about the extremes of the US, including an erotic bakery, a topless car wash, homeless underground dwellers, punk group the Dead Kennedys, a fat real-life superhero, worm-eating, a New York bounty hunter and much more.
Sometimes amusing ragbag of borderline craziness, not all of which may be the complete truth, it effectively gives the same treatment to the US as the West often did to Asia and Africa in earlier mondo movies. Perhaps best watched in small excerpts.
Dir: Romano Vanderbes
Narrator: Norman Rose
THIS IS ENGLAND
2007
**
In the Midlands in 1983, a young boy takes up with a group of skinheads.
A kind of compilation of bits from the director's previous features, this honest, vivid drama gains from its naturalistic performances and observant asides, but has brutal and hysterical extremes that may alienate many audiences, and the determination to embed the narrative in a political context (including, for example, the final Falklands montage) is misguided at best and insensitive at worst.
Dir: Shane Meadows
Stars: Thomas Turgoose, Stephen Graham, Joseph Gilgun
THIS IS SPINAL TAP
1983
****
Mock documentary on a hopeless British heavy metal band touring America.
Irresistible comedy classic that masters its subject matter and offers a trough of pleasures; the performances are a joy, the semi-improvised script is witty and perceptive, the editing is bang-on, and even the characters' names are perfectly chosen. Almost every scene is a delight that long stays in the memory. A double-edition DVD features over an hour of deleted scenes and a funny in-character commentary from the three leads.
Dir: Rob Reiner
Stars: Michael McKean, Christopher Guest, Harry Shearer, Tony Hendra, June Chadwick, Rob Reiner
THIS ISLAND EARTH
1955
*
Aliens arrive on Earth looking for scientists to help them in their war.
Moderately intriguing sci-fi mystery diminished by a highly artificial air and lack of pace.
Dir: Joseph M Newman
Stars: Jeff Morrow, Faith Domergue, Rex Reason
THIS SPORTING LIFE
1963
*
A rugby league player is unable to control his anger away from the game.
Surly drama, rather too grim to be widely liked.
Dir: Lindsay Anderson
Stars: Richard Harris, Rachel Roberts, Alan Badel, William Hartnell, Colin Blakely, Arthur Lowe, George Sewell, Leonard Rossiter
THIS VIOLENT WORLD
1976
0
Mondo documentary featuring violence and sex from around the world, including seal-clubbing, an execution, a 'rape class', 'white Aborigines', erectile problems on a porn film, an Indian slicing his tongue, and more.
Textbook mid-Seventies mondo movie, unwatchable for many, particularly the animal cruelty. Alternately boring and arresting, it has a reek of disrepute, sleaze and falsehood that smothers its sometimes valid content.
Dir: Antonio Climati, Mario Morra
1935
****
A man is forced to go on the run when the spy he has befriended is killed.
The quintessential Hitchcock chase thriller, full of his delicious touches, it comfortably stands up to multiple viewings after all these years; Donat is the perfect lead, the camerawork is exceptional, humour is never far away, even lesser characters are given strong personality - its standing is deserved.
Dir: Alfred Hitchcock
Stars: Robert Donat, Madeleine Carroll, Lucie Mannheim, Godfrey Tearle, Peggy Ashcroft, John Laurie
THE 39 STEPS
1959
*
A man is chased for a murder he didn't commit.
Colour may be the only improvement in this remake of Hitchcock's classic (although it almost seems too colourful) which fluffs pretty much everything - the brilliant moments of the original are filed down to nothingness, while affable More is completely wrong for the part of the troubled Hannay. Elg is similarly miscast. The basic story means it doesn't completely sink, but in general it's a lesson in how not to make a thriller, unlike the same year's magnificent North by Northwest, directed by you know who.
Dir: Ralph Thomas
Stars: Kenneth More, Taina Elg, Barry Jones, Reginald Beckwith
THE THIRTY-NINE STEPS
1978
**
In 1914, a man attempts to stop spies blowing up Big Ben.
An enjoyable version which happens to stick a lot closer to the original book than Hitchcock did - it has fun not just recreating the period but its various cheeky set-pieces, like the North By Northwest style plane attack (wonder whether Hitchcock ever saw this film...?) and the Will Hay/Harold Lloyd-inspired finale. With plenty of Scottish location footage and a solid British cast, it's a pleasing diversion with a touch of class.
Dir: Don Sharp
Stars: Robert Powell, David Warner, Eric Porter, Karen Dotrice, John Mills
THIRTY TWO SHORT FILMS ABOUT GLENN GOULD
1993
*
Vignettes concerning the life of the acclaimed Canadian classical pianist.
Well, this is certainly different. Short, sometimes very short, episodes give us vague insights into this talented man's work, character and general existence, ranging from real-life interviews with associates to animation to musical performances (to one entirely featuring images of pharmaceutical drugs). The fragmentary nature of it, though, means interest levels go up and down - some bits are better than others. Like its eccentric subject, it won't be for everybody, because it feels so oblique.
Dir: Francois Girard
Stars: Colm Feore, Derek Keurvorst, Katya Ladan
30 YEARS OF FUN
1963
*
One of the weaker Youngson compilations, this midway effort has highlights in the form of Chaplin’s Easy Street and The Ring, and Stan and Ollie's first meeting in The Lucky Dog, but some lesser material – in fact the historical footage is sometimes more interesting than the comedy footage, and there's a fair bit of it. Poor picture quality is also very evident now, not too surprisingly.
Dir: Robert Youngson
Narrator: Jay Jackson. Stars: Charles Chaplin, Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Buster Keaton, Harry Langdon, Snub Pollard, Charley Chase
THIS FILM IS NOT YET RATED
2006
*
Documentary about the American movie ratings board and its alleged faults. While not the devastating exposé its maker possibly thinks it is, this is an interesting if uneven piece of campaigning filmmaking whose targets vary in validity.
Dir/Narrator: Kirby Dick
THIS HAPPY BREED
1944
**
The story of a London family between the wars.
Flawed it may be, but this very English drama is important because it says a good deal about the character of our people – their humour, resourcefulness, stoicism, habits – and does so in a manner untainted by cynicism and rancour. It’s only cinematic in short bursts, and often too talky and soapy, but was not undeserving of the careful restoration it received in 2008, when its grey skies were literally turned blue.
Dir: David Lean
Stars: Robert Newton, Celia Johnson, Stanley Holloway, John Mills, Kay Walsh
THIS IS AMERICA PART 2
1980
*
Mondo type documentary about the extremes of the US, including an erotic bakery, a topless car wash, homeless underground dwellers, punk group the Dead Kennedys, a fat real-life superhero, worm-eating, a New York bounty hunter and much more.
Sometimes amusing ragbag of borderline craziness, not all of which may be the complete truth, it effectively gives the same treatment to the US as the West often did to Asia and Africa in earlier mondo movies. Perhaps best watched in small excerpts.
Dir: Romano Vanderbes
Narrator: Norman Rose
THIS IS ENGLAND
2007
**
In the Midlands in 1983, a young boy takes up with a group of skinheads.
A kind of compilation of bits from the director's previous features, this honest, vivid drama gains from its naturalistic performances and observant asides, but has brutal and hysterical extremes that may alienate many audiences, and the determination to embed the narrative in a political context (including, for example, the final Falklands montage) is misguided at best and insensitive at worst.
Dir: Shane Meadows
Stars: Thomas Turgoose, Stephen Graham, Joseph Gilgun
THIS IS SPINAL TAP
1983
****
Mock documentary on a hopeless British heavy metal band touring America.
Irresistible comedy classic that masters its subject matter and offers a trough of pleasures; the performances are a joy, the semi-improvised script is witty and perceptive, the editing is bang-on, and even the characters' names are perfectly chosen. Almost every scene is a delight that long stays in the memory. A double-edition DVD features over an hour of deleted scenes and a funny in-character commentary from the three leads.
Dir: Rob Reiner
Stars: Michael McKean, Christopher Guest, Harry Shearer, Tony Hendra, June Chadwick, Rob Reiner
THIS ISLAND EARTH
1955
*
Aliens arrive on Earth looking for scientists to help them in their war.
Moderately intriguing sci-fi mystery diminished by a highly artificial air and lack of pace.
Dir: Joseph M Newman
Stars: Jeff Morrow, Faith Domergue, Rex Reason
THIS SPORTING LIFE
1963
*
A rugby league player is unable to control his anger away from the game.
Surly drama, rather too grim to be widely liked.
Dir: Lindsay Anderson
Stars: Richard Harris, Rachel Roberts, Alan Badel, William Hartnell, Colin Blakely, Arthur Lowe, George Sewell, Leonard Rossiter
THIS, THAT AND THE OTHER
1969
0
Three stories that concern: an ageing sex symbol, a man who considers suicide and a taxi driver who visits an extraordinary place.
Dismal, bizarre, totally unfunny sex comedy that was its director’s first faltering effort - he's not adept at using a camera though the exotic location of the third segment offers the film a touch of class, not to mention psychedelia. It has a small amount of period curiosity value and is at least unusual, even if the viewing experience is not good.
Dir: Derek Ford
Stars: Dennis Waterman, Vanda Hudson, Victor Spinetti, Vanessa Howard, John Bird, Valerie Leon
THIS VIOLENT WORLD
1976
0
Mondo documentary featuring violence and sex from around the world, including seal-clubbing, an execution, a 'rape class', 'white Aborigines', erectile problems on a porn film, an Indian slicing his tongue, and more.
Textbook mid-Seventies mondo movie, unwatchable for many, particularly the animal cruelty. Alternately boring and arresting, it has a reek of disrepute, sleaze and falsehood that smothers its sometimes valid content.
Dir: Antonio Climati, Mario Morra
THOMASINE & BUSHROD
1974
0
In the early twentieth century, a man and a woman go on a bank robbing spree.
Being a black Bonnie & Clyde is this movie's main USP and it doesn't do much else that is unusual - it's a fairly routine picture but it's competent enough and captures the feel of the period.
Dir: Gordon Parks Jr
Stars: Max Julien, Vonetta McGee, George Murdock
THOR
2011
*
The god of thunder comes to Earth to learn some humility.
Thor never was a particularly interesting or likeable superhero and this production doesn’t do much to make him any more empathetic, or a big-time player, but it’s not a bad movie, although the pacing is not quite right and locations a little odd.
Dir: Kenneth Branagh
Stars: Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Tom Hiddleston, Anthony Hopkins
THOR: THE DARK WORLD
2013
*
Thor faces the threat of Malekith and the Dark Elves.
Confident follow-up with a fair bit of humour, though probably not enough to make it sympathetic - it has too much sci-fi and fantasy to interest as a human story. Legitimate moans might also include that there's not enough Loki and most characters are just sketched in, but it's quite lively by the end and the London locations help.
Dir: Alan Taylor
Stars: Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Tom Hiddleston, Anthony Hopkins, Christopher Eccleston
THOR: RAGNAROK
2017
**
Thor must defeat goddess Hela to free Asgard, but is imprisoned on another planet.
Easily the best of the Thor movies, and one of the better Marvel Universe ones, this light-hearted blockbuster with the usual stupendous special effects works because it doesn't take the fantasy stuff 'n' nonsense too seriously, cracking jokes at every opportunity, and because it's pacey, colourful and full of decent actors giving it a good go (apart from dull Elba and Thompson, who convinces neither as a boozer nor a warrior). It gets away with making Thor a bit of a buffoon, not to mention being the whipping boy of females, and gives the audience as fun a time as it looks like was had on set (but watching it once is, as ever, probably enough).
Dir: Taika Waititi
Stars: Chris Hemsworth, Tom Hiddleston, Cate Blanchett, Mark Ruffalo, Anthony Hopkins, Benedict Cumberbatch, Tessa Thompson, Jeff Goldblum, Idris Elba, Karl Urban
THOR THE CONQUEROR
1982
0
Thor goes on a conquest to avenge his dead father.
The worst sword and sorcery picture you could possibly imagine.
Dir: Tonino Ricci
Stars: Conrad Nichols, Maria Romano, Malisa Lang
THOSE WERE THE DAYS
1934
*
A magistrate visits a music hall against the wishes of his father.
The great Will Hay's first film vehicle is essentially a record of the music hall - which was in decline when this came out - and is therefore largely of historical interest.
Dir: Thomas Bentley
Stars: Will Hay, Iris Hoey, John Mills
A THOUSAND AND ONE NIGHTS
1944
0
Aladdin uses a genie to help him win a princess' hand.
Dull Arabian Nights comedy.
Dir: Alfred E Green
Stars: Cornel Wilde, Evelyn Keyes, Phil Silvers, Adele Jergens
A THOUSAND CLOWNS
1965
0
An unemployed man faces losing custody of his young ward.
Passé not to say unbearable drama which for the most part is hideously theatrical (it was based on a two-set play) but unsuccessfully tries to disguise this by having 'quirky' scenes out in New York City set to silly music, which only serve to irritate. Robards isn't at all right for the role, Balsam isn't in it long enough to deserve his Oscar and Gordon was nearer 17 than the 12-year-old he is meant to be playing. Whatever it was once trying to verbosely say it's not saying anything of interest now.
Dir: Fred Coe
Stars: Jason Robards, Barry Gordon, Martin Balsam, Barbara Harris, Gene Saks
1,000 CONVICTS AND A WOMAN
1971
*
The sexually promiscuous daughter of a prison governor causes chaos at his establishment.
Inviting exploitation sub-matter, quite fun until it gets a bit exhausted later on.
Dir: Ray Austin
Stars: Alexandra Hay, Sandor Eles, Harry Baird, Neil Hallet
THREE
2006
0
After their boat is wrecked, two angry men and a desirable woman end up on island.
Lousy continuity is the least of this thriller's worries, with absurdities too many to list - although you could start with the waterproof cigarettes and the lack of sunburn - and characters that do not behave in any sort of believable manner. Still, the sea's a nice shade of blue and Miss Brook is exceptionally easy on the eye.
Dir: Stewart Raffill
Stars: Billy Zane, Kelly Brook, Juan Pablo Di Pace
THREE AMIGOS
1987
0
Three actors head to a Mexican village to perform as bandits, unaware that it is the real thing.
Forced, childish comedy revelling in old jokes.
Dir: John Landis
Stars: Chevy Chase, Steve Martin, Martin Short
THREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE EBBING, MISSOURI
2017
***
A mother whose daughter has been raped and killed takes dramatic action when the case remains unsolved.
Not your average movie: a blacker-than-black black comedy that examines guilt, forgiveness, redemption and how anger begets anger through a roster of multi-dimensional characters. It never does anything that is predictable and keeps you on edge through the hate that continually bubbles below the surface - it feels like it could at any time explode into violence, and there are indeed many jaw-dropping moments in its caustic and twisted universe; easily one of the best films of its year.
Dir: Martin McDonagh
Stars: Frances McDormand, Sam Rockwell, Woody Harrelson, Caleb Landry Jones
THREE CASES OF MURDER
1954
*
Three stories of expiration: In The Picture, You Killed Elizabeth and Lord Mountdrago.
Likeable compendium; the first tale is imaginative and stylish if a little on the verbose side, the second is utter piffle but still quite fun, the third sees a richly enjoyable performance from Welles although the intrinsic logic of the story is at fault: in the House of Commons, a politician has a right to do down an opponent; it’s also unlikely that Mountdrago would be later perturbed by this Welsh pipsqueak. The sequences where Welles loses his trousers and sings to the House are a hoot.
Dir: David Eady, Wendy Toye, George More O'Ferrall
Stars: Orson Welles, John Gregson, Emrys Jones, Elizabeth Sellars, Andre Morell, Alan Badel, Eamonn Andrews
THREE COINS IN THE FOUNTAIN
1954
*
Three American women in Rome find romance.
Popular in its day, the main attractions of this wishy-washy drama are now largely scenic, and although the concept is attractive it isn't bolstered by a sharp script. Plus the cast aren't very exciting.
Dir: Jean Negulesco
Stars: Dorothy McGuire, Jean Peters, Clifton Webb, Louis Jordan, Maggie McNamara, Rossano Brazzi
THREE COLOURS: BLUE
1993
**
A woman withdraws from life after the death of her husband and daughter.
Exquisitely shot in a manner that illustrates Binoche’s character’s relationship with the world, the first part of the Colours trilogy – which concerns liberty, equality and fraternity - is not nearly as bleak as it might have been and benefits from a flawless lead performance.
Dir: Krzysztof Kieslowski
Stars: Juliette Binoche, Benoit Regent, Florence Pernel
THREE COLOURS: WHITE
1994
**
A Polish man is humiliated by his French wife and seeks revenge.
The middle instalment maintains the standard of the first and tells an interesting tale with oodles of metaphor - but it's never less than chilly and detached.
Dir: Krzysztof Kieslowski
Stars: Zbigniew Zamachowski, Julie Delphy, Janusz Gajos
THREE COLOURS: RED
1994
*
A beautiful model runs over the dog of a retired judge who spies on his neighbours; they strike up a strange friendship.
The final part of Kieslowski's Colours trilogy had many critics in raptures, but despite its intellectual grounding it is not an especially engaging or enlightening film - the overall effect is muffled and as the plot features characters who pass like ships in the night you feel little for them, and by extension, little for the film itself.
Dir: Krzysztof Kieslowski
Stars: Irene Jacob, Jean-Louis Trintignant, Jean-Pierre Lorit
THREE DAYS OF THE CONDOR
1974
*
A CIA researcher finds his co-workers dead and finds he can trust nobody.
Complex, confident thriller in the style of The 39 Steps.
Dir: Sydney Pollack
Stars: Robert Redford, Faye Dunaway, Cliff Robertson, Max von Sydow
THREE EXTREMES
2004
0
A trio of nasty stories: Dumplings, Cut and Box.
Something of an endurance: the first story is hugely unpleasant, the second is confined and boring, the third is like a plotless art film. Of course there are incidents of high style as well as unexpected endings, but you have to ask why there are such sick minds in this world.
Dir: Fruit Chan, Takashi Miike, Chan-wook Park
Stars: Bai Ling, Byung-hun Lee, Kyoko Hasegawa
THE THREE FACES OF EVE
1957
*
A doctor treats a woman suffering from multiple personality disorder.
Apparently based on a true story, this is a rather stiff psychiatric drama with few frills.
Dir: Nunnally Johnson
Stars: Joanne Woodward, David Wayne, Lee J Cobb
THREE FOR ALL
1975
0
Three girls follow their pop star boyfriends to Spain.
The Casino Royale director's penny dreadful, a choppy and uninteresting musical drama aimed at no one. The best review of it is in Julian Upton's excellent 2011 book Offbeat.
Dir: Martin Campbell
Stars: Adrienne Posta, Lesley North, Cheryl Hall, Richard Beckinsale, Robert Lindsay
365 DAYS
2020
0
A gangster kidnaps a woman and gives her one year to fall in love with him.
In the grim and desperate days of the 2020 lockdown this cheesy erotic drama became something of a sensation on Netflix, opium for the restless and sex-starved populations. One can only say that each era gets the erotica it perhaps deserves: the 1970s had Last Tango In Paris and The Story Of O; the 1980s had Nine 1/2 Weeks, and now we get this silly, boring film with hilarious genital aversion and terrible songs on the soundtrack - it's about as bad as Fifty Shades Of Grey.
Dir: Barbara Bialowas, Tomasz Mandes
Stars: Michele Morrone, Anna Maria Sieklucka, Bronislaw Wroclawski
THREE IDENTICAL STRANGERS
2018
***
Documentary about three young men who were unaware that they each had two identical brothers.
This film starts out from an arresting position and only becomes more fascinating as it progresses, turning into a dark, investigative story about ethics and social science. While the conclusions it reaches on nature vs nurture are debatable it manages to continually enthral and surprise - truth, as has been said, is stranger than fiction.
Dir: Tim Wardle
3 IDIOTS
2009
*
Old college friends try to track down their fellow pupil who was a hero to them.
This massively popular Bollywood film demonstrates the huge gap in Eastern and Western culture, as to our eyes it's anything but a great film: unbelievably overlong, addled with sickly sentiment and a curious mix of the juvenile and the serious. Nevertheless, brightness shines through and some sequences, particularly the song and dance numbers, can lighten the heaviest heart.
Dir: Rajkumar Hirani
Stars: Aamir Khan, Kareena Kapoor, R Madhavan
THREE MEN AND A BABY
1987
*
Three bachelors are forced to take care of an infant.
Young parents will be most likely to sympathise with this warm and humorous comedy that became a surprise hit.
Dir: Leonard Nimoy
Stars: Tom Selleck, Steve Guttenberg, Ted Danson, Nancy Travis
THE THREE MUSKETEERS
1973
**
A young swordsman comes to Paris to have adventures with his Musketeer pals.
The plot gets a bit lost but the action is splendid and the Musketeers likeable.
Dir: Richard Lester
Stars: Oliver Reed, Raquel Welch, Richard Chamberlain, Michael York, Frank Finlay, Christopher Lee, Faye Dunaway, Charlton Heston
THREE SMART GIRLS
1936
*
Three girls try to be stop their father from remarrying.
Sweetly dated musical drama that apparently made a big star of Deanna Durbin; not quite the sort of film that'd get a Best Film Oscar nomination nowadays.
Dir: Henry Koster
Stars: Deanna Durbin, Barbara Read, Nan Grey, Ray Milland
3:10 TO YUMA
2007
**
A rancher in need of money agrees to help take an outlaw to a prison train.
Frequently implausible but solidly crafted western that invests heavily in the two main characters and sees it pay off; performances, too, are uniformly good.
Dir: James Mangold
Stars: Russell Crowe, Christian Bale, Logan Lerman, Dallas Roberts, Ben Foster, Peter Fonda, Gretchen Mol
THE 3 WORLDS OF GULLIVER
1959
0
A man is washed up on an island where the inhabitants are tiny but war-like.
Spiritless children's version of Swift's book that irritates rather than pleases.
Dir: Jack Sher
Stars: Kerwin Mathews, Jo Morrow, June Thorburn
300
2007
*
Three hundred Spartan warriors take on the might of the Persian army.
A glorification of war based on a graphic novel - the action's the thing, and it does look awesome, but there are chewy bits in between, a grandiloquent narration and a total lack of empathy for any of the characters.
Dir: Zack Snyder
Stars: Gerard Butler, Lena Headey, Dominic West
THRONE OF BLOOD
1957
**
A samurai, spurred on by his wife and a witch, murders his lord.
Atmospheric Japanese take on Macbeth, complete with a spectacular, bloody finale.
Dir: Akira Kurosawa
Stars: Toshiro Mifune, Isuzu Yamada, Takashi Shimura
A THROW OF DICE
THREE IDENTICAL STRANGERS
2018
***
Documentary about three young men who were unaware that they each had two identical brothers.
This film starts out from an arresting position and only becomes more fascinating as it progresses, turning into a dark, investigative story about ethics and social science. While the conclusions it reaches on nature vs nurture are debatable it manages to continually enthral and surprise - truth, as has been said, is stranger than fiction.
Dir: Tim Wardle
3 IDIOTS
2009
*
Old college friends try to track down their fellow pupil who was a hero to them.
This massively popular Bollywood film demonstrates the huge gap in Eastern and Western culture, as to our eyes it's anything but a great film: unbelievably overlong, addled with sickly sentiment and a curious mix of the juvenile and the serious. Nevertheless, brightness shines through and some sequences, particularly the song and dance numbers, can lighten the heaviest heart.
Dir: Rajkumar Hirani
Stars: Aamir Khan, Kareena Kapoor, R Madhavan
THREE MEN AND A BABY
1987
*
Three bachelors are forced to take care of an infant.
Young parents will be most likely to sympathise with this warm and humorous comedy that became a surprise hit.
Dir: Leonard Nimoy
Stars: Tom Selleck, Steve Guttenberg, Ted Danson, Nancy Travis
THE THREE MUSKETEERS
1973
**
A young swordsman comes to Paris to have adventures with his Musketeer pals.
The plot gets a bit lost but the action is splendid and the Musketeers likeable.
Dir: Richard Lester
Stars: Oliver Reed, Raquel Welch, Richard Chamberlain, Michael York, Frank Finlay, Christopher Lee, Faye Dunaway, Charlton Heston
THREE SMART GIRLS
1936
*
Three girls try to be stop their father from remarrying.
Sweetly dated musical drama that apparently made a big star of Deanna Durbin; not quite the sort of film that'd get a Best Film Oscar nomination nowadays.
Dir: Henry Koster
Stars: Deanna Durbin, Barbara Read, Nan Grey, Ray Milland
3:10 TO YUMA
2007
**
A rancher in need of money agrees to help take an outlaw to a prison train.
Frequently implausible but solidly crafted western that invests heavily in the two main characters and sees it pay off; performances, too, are uniformly good.
Dir: James Mangold
Stars: Russell Crowe, Christian Bale, Logan Lerman, Dallas Roberts, Ben Foster, Peter Fonda, Gretchen Mol
THE 3 WORLDS OF GULLIVER
1959
0
A man is washed up on an island where the inhabitants are tiny but war-like.
Spiritless children's version of Swift's book that irritates rather than pleases.
Dir: Jack Sher
Stars: Kerwin Mathews, Jo Morrow, June Thorburn
300
2007
*
Three hundred Spartan warriors take on the might of the Persian army.
A glorification of war based on a graphic novel - the action's the thing, and it does look awesome, but there are chewy bits in between, a grandiloquent narration and a total lack of empathy for any of the characters.
Dir: Zack Snyder
Stars: Gerard Butler, Lena Headey, Dominic West
THRONE OF BLOOD
1957
**
A samurai, spurred on by his wife and a witch, murders his lord.
Atmospheric Japanese take on Macbeth, complete with a spectacular, bloody finale.
Dir: Akira Kurosawa
Stars: Toshiro Mifune, Isuzu Yamada, Takashi Shimura
A THROW OF DICE
1929
*
Two kings compete for the same woman and the same kingdom.
Sets, costumes and locations are the main attractions of this well-reviewed silent Indian drama, the characters not so much: it is hard to get involved with them or be affected by their tribulations.
Dir: Franz Osten
Stars: Seeta Devi, Himanshu Rai, Charu Roy
THUNDER ROCK
1942
**
A man living on his own in a lighthouse has visions of previous people who have visited the outpost.
Curious hymn to pacifism that evolves into a series of human interest stories; interesting rather than exciting.
Dir: Roy Boulting
Stars: Michael Redgrave, James Mason, Barbara Mullen, Lilli Palmer
THUNDERBALL
1965
**
James Bond searches for two nuclear bombs that have been stolen by SPECTRE.
Perhaps the first Bond film that's a definite small step down in quality from its predecessor, this extravaganza is nevertheless a top production full of fine 007ery, including a shark-infested pool, an exploding chair, an eye-patched baddie and astonishingly beautiful women. The plot's pleasingly straightforward, the underwater photography is excellent, although there's a little too much of it, and Connery's at his most quip-tastic - no wonder it made a mint in the UK and around the world.
Dir: Terence Young
Stars: Sean Connery, Claudine Auger, Adolfo Celi, Luciana Paluzzi, Rik Van Nutter, Guy Doleman, Molly Peters, Martine Beswick, Bernard Lee, Desmond Llewelyn, Lois Maxwell
THUNDERBIRD 6
1968
*
The airship that Lady Penelope is touring the world in is hijacked.
Extremely mild, not unpleasant sci-fi puppetry with diligent model work and music scoring.
Dir: David Lane
Voices: Keith Alexander, Sylvia Anderson, Shane Rimmer, Geoffrey Keen
THUNDERBIRDS ARE GO!
1966
*
International Rescue assist Zero-X, a spacecraft that has been sabotaged.
Padded out version of Gerry Anderson’s most popular TV series; the special effects are decent and the puppets are amusing but the scope for excitement is, frankly, limited.
Dir: David Lane
Voices: Sylvia Anderson, Ray Barrett, Bob Monkhouse, Shane Rimmer
THUNDER ROCK
1942
**
A man living on his own in a lighthouse has visions of previous people who have visited the outpost.
Curious hymn to pacifism that evolves into a series of human interest stories; interesting rather than exciting.
Dir: Roy Boulting
Stars: Michael Redgrave, James Mason, Barbara Mullen, Lilli Palmer
THUNDERBALL
1965
**
James Bond searches for two nuclear bombs that have been stolen by SPECTRE.
Perhaps the first Bond film that's a definite small step down in quality from its predecessor, this extravaganza is nevertheless a top production full of fine 007ery, including a shark-infested pool, an exploding chair, an eye-patched baddie and astonishingly beautiful women. The plot's pleasingly straightforward, the underwater photography is excellent, although there's a little too much of it, and Connery's at his most quip-tastic - no wonder it made a mint in the UK and around the world.
Dir: Terence Young
Stars: Sean Connery, Claudine Auger, Adolfo Celi, Luciana Paluzzi, Rik Van Nutter, Guy Doleman, Molly Peters, Martine Beswick, Bernard Lee, Desmond Llewelyn, Lois Maxwell
THUNDERBIRD 6
1968
*
The airship that Lady Penelope is touring the world in is hijacked.
Extremely mild, not unpleasant sci-fi puppetry with diligent model work and music scoring.
Dir: David Lane
Voices: Keith Alexander, Sylvia Anderson, Shane Rimmer, Geoffrey Keen
THUNDERBIRDS ARE GO!
1966
*
International Rescue assist Zero-X, a spacecraft that has been sabotaged.
Padded out version of Gerry Anderson’s most popular TV series; the special effects are decent and the puppets are amusing but the scope for excitement is, frankly, limited.
Dir: David Lane
Voices: Sylvia Anderson, Ray Barrett, Bob Monkhouse, Shane Rimmer
THUNDERBOLT AND LIGHTFOOT
1974
*
A bank robber plans a new heist with a young drifter and two of his old gang.
Rambling, handsome, well performed caper with plenty of machismo and good bits.
Dir: Michael Cimino
Stars: Clint Eastwood, Jeff Bridges, George Kennedy, Geoffrey Lewis
THUNDERING FLEAS
1926
0
A group of kids cause havoc at a wedding with some fleas.
Primitive short, an Our Gang subject, which uses occasional animation for its fleas. Strictly of historical interest only.
Dir: Robert F McGowan
Stars: Oliver Hardy, Charley Chase, Jackie Condon, Mickey Daniels
THX1138
1970
*
In the 25th century, a man and a woman rebel against their strict masters.
Unfriendly sci-fi, the antithesis of Star Wars, that drags the viewer into its dystopian gloom.
Dir: George Lucas
Stars: Robert Duvall, Donald Pleasence, Don Pedro Colley
THE TICKET OF LEAVE MAN
1937
0
A villain named The Tiger frames an innocent man for forgery.
Not one of Tod Slaughter's best pictures - he doesn't get to be horrible enough - this melodrama over-indulges on chewy dialogue, often regarding financial matters, but is some of historical interest nonetheless, because this type of stagey Victoriana was disappearing from view.
Dir: George King
Stars: Tod Slaughter, John Warwick, Marjorie Taylor
TIDAL WAVE
1975
0
The race is on to stop Japan from sinking into the sea.
Essentially a re-edit of the Japanese epic The Submersion Of Japan with added American scenes that are not as conspicuous as might have been. The end result is better than the average ’70s disaster movie, but it still is a ’70s disaster movie...
Dir: Shiro Moritani/Andrew Meyer
Stars: Lorne Greene, Rhonda Leigh Hopkins/Keiju Kobayashi, Hiroshi Fujioka
TIE ME UP! TIE ME DOWN!
1990
*
A man pleads with a porn star to become his wife.
Steamy melodrama that basks in the dark side of human nature.
Dir: Pedro Almodovar
Stars: Victoria Abril, Antonio Banderas, Loles Leon
TIFFANY JONES
1973
0
A glamorous fashion model gets tangled in foreign espionage.
The tone is set early on for this child-like version of a sexy cartoon strip (that resembled Daily Mirror stalwart Jane), as it misfires on all cylinders, especially with the comical cooks. A wrong-step from Walker, it is quite sexy at times but its goofy, silly humour will find few fans (and didn't). Was the weather that murky when they made it, or is it just the print?
Dir: Pete Walker
Stars: Anouska Hempel, Ray Brooks, Susan Sheers, Damien Thomas, Eric Pohlmann
TIGHTROPE
1985
*
A cop's daughters are targeted by a serial rapist.
Watchable thriller on familiar lines.
Dir: Richard Tuggle
Stars: Clint Eastwood, Genevieve Bujold, Dan Hedaya, Alison Eastwood
TILL DEATH US DO PART
1969
*
East End bigot Alf Garnett and family survive the London Blitz.
Episodic, stretched out version of the seminal TV comedy; vintage moments but a little slow.
Dir: Norman Cohen
Stars: Warren Mitchell, Dandy Nichols, Una Stubbs, Anthony Booth, Bill Maynard, Brian Blessed
TIME AFTER TIME
1979
**
H G Wells pursues Jack the Ripper to the 20th century in his time machine.
Audacious and enjoyable sci-fi cleverly utilising the concept of time paradoxes.
Dir: Nicholas Meyer
Stars: Malcolm McDowell, David Warner, Mary Steenburgen, Charles Cioffi
TIME BANDITS
1981
*
A young boy joins a group of dwarves who jump from one time period to another to steal treasure.
Imaginative fantasy which lasts too long but has some select comedic high spots.
Dir: Terry Gilliam
Stars: David Rappaport, Kenny Baker, John Cleese, Sean Connery, Shelley Duvall, Ian Holm, Michael Palin, Ralph Richardson, Peter Vaughan, David Warner
TIME FLIES
1944
0
A music hall star heads back in time to the days of Queen Elizabeth I.
Sadly dated farce which probably cheered up war-torn Blighty.
Dir: Walter Forde
Stars: Tommy Handley, Evelyn Dall, Felix Aylmer, Moore Marriott, Graham Moffatt
TIME GAMES
1985
0
A girl travel backs to 19th century Australia thanks to a strange antique lace collar.
Nice looking but soppy fantasy made in the wake of Back To The Future.
Dir: Donald Crombie
Stars: Imogen Annesley, Peter Phelps, Mouche Phillips
TIME GENTLEMEN PLEASE
1952
0
The Prime Minister is due to visit a 'perfect' village, but residents are determined to hide a dirty tramp who blights it.
Flat and unsympathetic comedy that feels false.
Dir: Lewis Gilbert
Stars: Eddie Byrne, Hermione Baddeley, Dora Bryan, Thora Hird, Sid James, Edie Martin
TIME LOCK
1957
**
A boy is accidentally locked in a vault and the race is on to get him out before his oxygen runs out.
Tight, neat suspenser with little flab and factual, no-nonsense dialogue. Most likeable but a truly great director might have created a mini masterpiece.
Dir: Gerald Thomas
Stars: Robert Beatty, Lee Patterson, Betty McDowall
THE TIME MACHINE
1960
**
A Victorian gentleman travels far into the future to discover a planet at war.
H G Wells goes to Hollywood; miscast but rather splendid fantasy that takes the viewer on an entertaining ride.
Dir: George Pal
Stars: Rod Taylor, Alan Young, Yvette Mimieux, Sebastian Cabot
TIME MASTERS
1982
0
A small boy is the only survivor of an attack by giant hornets.
Tedious, barely coherent cartoon with no sense of fun.
Dir: Rene Laloux
Voices: Jean Valmont, Michel Elias, Frederic Legros
A TIME TO KILL
1955
0
Police investigate when a woman is poisoned.
Fairly standard whodunit in which the killer isn't hard to ascertain, and is made especially obvious 20 minutes from the end.
Dir: Charles Saunders
Stars: Jack Watling, Rona Anderson, John Horsley, Joan Hickson
TIME TO REMEMBER
1962
0
A jewel robbery at a large London house goes wrong.
This Edgar Wallace Mystery strikes the viewer as not making much sense: why, for instance, is the Corbett character so intent on buying the house when he already has the jewels? His silly behaviour is one reason why this is so much less effective than it initially promises to be. There's some nice wintry location shooting, however.
Dir: Charles Jarrott
Stars: Harry H Corbett, Yvonne Monlaur, Robert Rietty, David Lodge
TIME TRAP
2017
*
Students looking for their missing teacher in a cave get more than they bargained for.
Nifty little sci-fi thriller with some cute ideas.
Dir: Mark Dennis, Ben Foster
Stars: Cassidy Gifford, Brianne Howey, Reiley McClendon, Andrew Wilson
THE TIME TRAVELERS
1964
*
A group of scientists travel 107 years into the future… and regret it.
Low budget sci-fi with a good reputation, but apart from its unexpected climax, there’s nothing too remarkable for the modern viewer.
Dir: Ib Melchior
Stars: Preston Foster, Philip Carey, Merry Anders
TIME TRAVELERS
1976 (TV)
0
Scientists head back to 1871 Chicago to find a cure for a deadly disease.
Trifling fantasy that sees Irwin Allen try to resurrect his Time Tunnel scenario, only on what looks like an even more modest budget. The idea may be quite neat but too much dull chat and that puny budget mean it struggles to get out of the starting blocks.
Dir: Alexander Singer
Stars: Sam Groom, Tom Hallick, Richard Basehart, Francine York
THE TIME TRAVELER’S WIFE
2009
*
A man has a genetic disease which causes him to suddenly travel through time.
Decent adaptation of an absurd but interesting and very successful book that wisely makes its central characters a good deal more likeable than they are on the page but still doesn’t move very far from their personal anguishes. Predictably aimed more at the female crowd than the sci-fi crowd, it’s an earnest film that tantalises and teases but doesn’t quite deliver a knockout punch.
Dir: Robert Schwentke
Stars: Eric Bana, Rachel McAdams
TIME TRAVELLER: THE GIRL WHO LEAPT THROUGH TIME
2010
0
A schoolgirl whose scientist mother has been seriously hurt in an accident takes a potion that allows her to travel back in time.
The 2006 anime of a similar name had the heroine jumping around different time zones – this just sees the girl head back to 1974 and stay there. It doesn’t get especially interesting until near the end when the other time traveller shows up, and the love story that unfolds is barely affecting, making you rile against elements like the sentimental music score.
Dir: Masaaki Taniguchi
Stars: Riisa Naka, Akinobu Nakao, Narumi Yasuda
TIME WALKER
1982
0
An alien that has been buried in a tomb returns to life to terrorise students.
Unsurprising sci-fi horror which looks a bit like a TV movie.
Dir: Tom Kennedy
Stars: Ben Murphy, Michelle Avonne, Nina Axelrod
TIMECOP
1994
*
When a scientist ‘invents’ time travel a special band of cops are introduced to ensure there are no abuses of it.
A Lidl version of Terminator that starts especially well but then becomes little more than a vehicle for Van Damme to beat people up. The plot truly makes no sense - and there may have been wiser places to set the climax than a big house on a dark and rainy night - but this is acceptable escapist fantasy fun.
Dir: Peter Hyams
Stars: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Mia Sara, Ron Silver, Bruce McGill
TIMECRIMES
2007
***
A man being chased by a masked figure escapes to the lab of a scientist who is experimenting with time travel.
There's barely an ounce of fat on this supremely efficient low budget sci-fi thriller, one which cleverly utilises the possibilities of time travelling at the same time as embracing moral quandaries. It almost becomes too brain-bending near the end but by and large is a delicious yarn, economically told - with a wee dash of eroticism.
Dir: Nacho Vigalondo
Stars: Karra Elejalde, Nacho Vigalondo, Barbara Goenaga
TIMER
2009
0
In a world where most adults wear timers on their wrists to tell them when their true love will come along, one woman finds that hers is still stuck at zero.
A high-concept drama in low-fi dress, a sort of indie Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind that’s sadly never quite as good as you hope: very much a film more suited to a female audience, it’s hellishly overlong considering how slight it is and, although the interesting (if unlikely) concept lends itself to intriguing drama, there doesn't appear to be the talent or ambition to truly make it sing.
Dir: Jac Schaeffer
Stars: Emma Caulfield, Michelle Borth, John Patrick Amedori, Desmond Harrington
THE TIMES OF HARVEY MILK
1984
***
Documentary looking at the life and assassination of gay politician Harvey Milk.
Oscar-winning doc that successfully presents Milk as an important player in the struggle for human rights and the advancement of civilisation, even in death. That it’s structured almost like a thriller doesn’t cheapen its message.
Dir: Rob Epstein
Narrator: Harvey Fierstein
TIMES SQUARE
1980
0
Two very different girls sample the freedom of New York City.
This captures a time and place for historical posterity, but the film is unsympathetic and annoying, much like the girls; the soundtrack provides brief moments of respite. It doesn't really hang together as a whole.
Dir: Allan Moyle
Stars: Tim Curry, Tina Alvarado, Robin Johnson
TIMESLIP
1955
0
After he is shot, a scientist lives life 7.5 seconds in the future.
That synopsis is a mischievous one (and the one usually given by film guides), but this tantalising idea is only used as a very small part of this minor thriller, during hospital bed conversations which resemble a Two Ronnies sketch. Other than that it’s a rather dull effort which now seems to only exist in a dim and scratchy version.
Dir: Ken Hughes
Stars: Gene Nelson, Faith Domergue, Peter Arne, Joseph Tomelty, Charles Hawtrey
TIMESTALKERS
1986 (TV)
0
A history professor gets involved with time travellers from the far future.
Back To The Future type stuff which never reaches great heights of excitement.
Dir: Michael Schultz
Stars: William Devane, Lauren Hutton, John Ratzenberger, Klaus Kinski
THE TIN DRUM
1979
*
A young boy refuses to grow up when he sees the horror of the world around him.
Well made but heavy going fable that both unsettles and amuses thanks to its morbid sense of humour.
Dir: Volker Schlondorff
Stars: Mario Adorf, Angela Winkler, David Bennent
TINA: WHAT’S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT
1993
**
The life of singer Tina Turner, who suffered abuse at the hands of her hubby, Ike.
Dark and compelling biopic which pulls no punches in its portrayal of Ike.
Dir: Brian Gibson
Stars: Angela Bassett, Laurence Fishburne, Khandi Alexander
THE TINGLER
1959
*
A pathologist discovers a creature that lives in people's vertebrae.
One of the shockers that made Castle's name as a purveyor of gimmickry, and without its gimmicks it would be a fairly ordinary, small-scale drama with many scenes of people talking in rooms - but then towards the end the madness takes off, with the screen going black and Price warning of unleashed terror, cinema patrons having their seats buzz, lots of screaming, and in some prints a lurid scene where a scene in a bathroom is partly coloured: the blood in the bath. This all gives it a lift, which it probably needed.
Dir: William Castle
Stars: Vincent Price, Judith Evelyn, Darryl Hickman
TINTORERA
1978
0
A large shark terrorises the Mexican coast.
Bad beyond belief soap opera/horror with less dramatic tension than an episode of Postman Pat. One of those films that makes you exclaim, 'This is the worst film I've ever seen!'
Dir: Rene Cardona Jr
Stars: Susan George, Fiona Lewis, Hugo Stiglitz
TIRE PAS SUR MON COLLANT
1978
0
Two French secretaries are mistakenly invited on a holiday to Marrakech.
Ditzy comedy, one of the many so full of promise brought down by shapeless writing and direction, not to mention a limited budget. Way too verbal, with a plot possibly thought up by a drunk, it frequently has bystanders staring at the actors and the camera, even in the scenes at the hotel swimming pool - surely that set could have been cleared?! But it's hard to be too rough on a movie that's this breezy, sunny and sexy, a product of a happy time. The title translates as 'Don't Pull My Tights'.
Dir: Michel Lemoine
Stars: Vanessa Vaylord, Corinne Corson, Jerome Foulon
THE TIT AND THE MOON
1995
*
A young boy longs to drink his mother's milk once again.
Irritating, self-consciously quirky fantasy using that type of child's narration all too frequently heard in foreign films.
Dir: Bigas Luna
Stars: Mathilda May, Biel Duran, Gerard Darmon
TIT FOR TAT
1935
*
Stan and Ollie open an electrical repair shop but unfortunately it is next to a grocery store run by one of their old enemies.
A chronicle of mass destruction, a follow up to their Them Thar Hills (qv), with a slightly sour taste but many gags that hit the spot; Hall is always a canny adversary.
Dir: Charley Rogers
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Charlie Hall, Mae Busch
TITANIC
1997
**
On board the doomed passenger liner in 1912, an unhappy, headstrong woman in first class falls in love with a young American in third class.
Hollywood at its most Hollywood-like, a remarkably planned, incredibly detailed and sumptuously set extravaganza that presents a tragic love story alongside sequences of super-expensive and spectacular destruction, and at gargantuan length. Despite the odd lapse in narrative and historical accuracy it holds the interest and is a testament to the director's unswerving passion in his ambitious project.
Dir: James Cameron
Stars: Leonardo DiCaprio, Kate Winslet, Billy Zane, Kathy Bates, Gloria Stuart, Bill Paxton, Bernard Hill, David Warner
THE TITFIELD THUNDERBOLT
1952
****
Villagers attempt to keep their branch line train service running despite competition from the local bus service.
Like an on-the-move postcard of '50s rural Britain, this beautifully shot, pacy, very special comedy could not be more English, presenting as it does the derring-do and decency of its people against a backdrop of luscious countryside, flagons of ale and village cricket; one of Ealing's loveliest pictures, it's also delightful in its romanticisation of steam railways.
Dir: Charles Crichton
Stars: Stanley Holloway, George Relph, John Gregson, Godfrey Tearle, Naunton Wayne, Hugh Griffith, Sid James, Edie Martin
TITUS
1999
*
A Roman soldier returns from war to set a series of terrible events in motion.
Visually engulfing adaptation of Shakespeare's 'horror play', full of spectacle, sound and fury. Mighty long, too.
Dir: Julie Taymor
Stars: Anthony Hopkins, Jessica Lange, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Matthew Rhys
TO BE OR NOT TO BE
1942
***
In occupied Poland, a group of actors attempt to foil the Nazis.
The outrageous concept of this comic thriller is sure to prove surprising to delicate modern viewers, and the farcical, twisting plot is likely to delight also.
Dir: Ernst Lubitsch
Stars: Carole Lombard, Jack Benny, Robert Stack, Lionel Atwill
TO CATCH A THIEF
1955
*
An apparently retired cat burglar living on the French Riviera is suspected when there is an outbreak of jewel thefts.
Hitchcock and co go on holiday and serve up this luscious looking if dramatically languorous thriller that is not among his most penetrating works. It’s a shame that such a classy film is so dull.
Dir: Alfred Hitchcock
Stars: Cary Grant, Grace Kelly, Jessie Royce Landis, John Williams
TO DIE FOR
1995
**
A glamorous weather forecaster will even turn to murder in an effort to promote her career.
For anyone who has worked in TV and movies, Kidman's character will be all too familiar, and she shines in the part, looking as beautiful on screen as any other actress ever has. Her 'Suzanne Stone' makes some curious choices - why does she marry Dillon's Larry? Why does she trust the three schoolkids not to spill the beans? - but all this is presumably to show that she is a bit dim. The chop/chop, backwards/forwards, to camera/not to camera way of the thing is almost a little dizzying, and in the end the film perhaps doesn’t amount to as much as initially hoped for, but it's a journey worth going on.
Dir: Gus Van Sant
Stars: Nicole Kidman, Matt Dillon, Joaquin Phoenix, Casey Affleck
TO HAVE AND HAVE NOT
1945
**
An American boat captain in Martinique gets involved with Nazis.
In many ways a fairly ordinary war thriller, but one’s that lifted considerably by its famous first pairing of Bogart and Bacall and the shards of dialogue they deliver.
Dir: Howard Hawks
Stars: Humphrey Bogart, Lauren Bacall, Walter Brennan, Hoggy Carmichael
TO HAVE AND TO HOLD
1963
0
A policeman gets personally involved in the case of a frightened woman.
One of the longest Edgar Wallace Mysteries but not one of the best - a slightly dull tale with no star quality. Not as grand as the title somehow suggests.
Dir: Herbert Wise
Stars: Ray Barrett, Katharine Blake, Nigel Stock, William Hartnell
TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD
1962
**
In the Depression-era South, a lawyer defends a black man on a rape charge.
Probably as good a film as could be made of the socially conscious Pulitzer Prize winning book, it is undoubtedly moving but eventually goes on for too long.
Dir: Robert Mulligan
Stars: Gregory Peck, Mary Badham, John Megna, Frank Overton, Robert Duvall
TO OUR LOVES
1983
*
A teenager leads a promiscuous lifestyle.
Noisy, often ponderous drama that’s typically French.
Dir: Maurice Pialat
Stars: Sandrine Bonnaire, Evelyne Ker, Dominique Besnehard
TO ROME WITH LOVE
2012
*
Four stories of Rome: a man suddenly, inexplicably becomes famous; a retired opera producer finds a new star who can only sing in the shower; a young couple have sexy adventures, separately; and a man falls for his girlfriend's actress friend.
At 76, Allen hits Europe again and finds fresh-ish avenues to explore - helped by some young actors who fit into his world - and offers gleeful dollops of absurdist comedy and more positive messages than has sometimes been the case. It sees the last appearance of Allen the performer, sadly, and he makes sure he gives himself some nice lines. Overall though, it's too long, and many scenes - including the opera ones, many in Cruz's story and Benigni attracting the paparazzi, should have been way shorter - it's a shame because this has heart and Allen's usual thoughtful themes.
Dir: Woody Allen
Stars: Woody Allen, Judy Davis, Jesse Eisenberg, Alec Baldwin, Penelope Cruz, Ellen Page, Roberto Benigni, Greta Gerwig
TO THE DEVIL A DAUGHTER
1976
0
A novelist battles to save the soul of a young girl from Satanists.
Largely soporific horror that comes to a shuddering halt. Hammer's final creepy movie of the Seventies isn't a terrible film - the cast have weight - but constant flitting between different story strands ensures that it never builds up any drive or suspense; it's cold, uninvolving and sometimes confusing. It is, however, fondly recalled by Kinski fans.
Dir: Peter Sykes
Stars: Richard Widmark, Christopher Lee, Nastassja Kinski, Honor Blackman, Denholm Elliott
TO TRAP A SPY
1966
*
The Men from UNCLE attempt to stop an African leader being assassinated.
The first of the UNCLE ‘movies’ (ie extended television episodes), a series that added little to the development of the cinematic form but gave someone fun, somewhere.
Dir: Don Medford
Stars: Robert Vaughn, David McCallum, Luciana Paluzzi
TOBOR THE GREAT
1954
*
A professor invents a robot designed to pilot space vehicles that could be dangerous to humans; villains interfere.
Amiable junior sci-fi with some fun stuff, like the robot driving (and a tiny bit of incongruous darker stuff, when the hoods threaten the boy with the blow torch). No art is made in a vacuum and this film, and many others like it, reflected the feelings of the time in the US, notably excitement about new technology and worries about the nuclear age. 'Tobor' is, of course, 'robot' backwards.
Dir: Lee Sholem
Stars: Charles Drake, Billy Chapin, Karin Booth, Taylor Holmes
DER TODESRACHER VON SOHO
1972
0
A killer packs his victims' suitcases before stabbing them.
The Germans loved their Edgar Wallace mysteries and usually tried to pretend they were shot in London, and a few early shots here are testament to that; after that it's obvious it's not being shot in Britain. And while the photography is superior to many a Franco film, its barely coherent plot soon befuddles the viewer, while thrills are in short supply.
Dir: Jess Franco
Stars: Horst Tappert, Fred Williams, Barbara Rutting
TOGO
2020
*
In Alaska in the 1920s, a hardy dog leads a mission to get a serum for diphtheria.
Animated feature Balto (qv) covered this story in 1995 but now, in this age of apparently discovering the 'unsung hero', we get this take on it, one of the few new, original features to drop into the Disney+ streaming service, and it was a hit, especially with American audiences, who are more familiar with the true-life yarn. One could quibble with its back-and-forth narrative, which probably lessens its drive, the obvious CGI, and the fact that it's quite manipulative, but it is well enough done for what it is.
Dir: Ericson Core
Stars: Willem Dafoe, Julianne Nicholson, Christopher Heyerdahl
TOKYO STORY
1953
***
An elderly couple visit their children in the city.
High-brow critics fall over themselves to heap adulation on this Japanese film, and it would be easy to take the opposing view and point out that almost nothing happens in it and what does is pretty dull; but there is much to appreciate, from the distinctive, stubbornly non-mobile camerawork to the little behavioural nuances that hint at much more. In summary, a peaceful, tranquil film that is at least totally different from the majority of Hollywood products.
Dir: Yasujiro Ozu
Stars: Chishu Ryu, Chieko Higashiyama, Setsuko Hara
TOM BROWN'S SCHOOL DAYS
1940
*
A young lad has times of joy and misery at Rugby school.
One of many versions of Thomas Hughes' book, and not a bad one, although despite its best efforts it doesn't feel totally authentic. It does, however, capture the sometimes unbearable nature of schooldays, and some of its scenes can be slightly distressing, not to mention puzzling to many. Hardwicke's wise and strict headmaster is perhaps more at home in the setting than some of the youngsters in the cast.
Dir: Robert Stevenson
Stars: Jimmy Lydon, Cedric Hardwicke, Billy Halop, Freddie Bartholomew
TOM BROWN'S SCHOOLDAYS
1951
*
Pretty adequate adaptation of the book, perhaps lacking a bit of the edge and pungency of the previous decade's version. Not bad, not remarkable.
Dir: Gordon Parry
Stars: John Howard Davies, Robert Newton, James Hayter, John Forrest, Michael Hordern
1963
**
In 18th-century England, a squire's son has a series of adventures.
Despite the director's modern, jokey approach this famous film is a rather tortuous wander through Fielding's material, neither as bawdy or rollicking as one is led to expect. There are some nicely executed interludes – like the deer hunt and the well-known gorging scene - but it’s hard to feel much for our titular hero, and his escapades seem to drag on for a considerable time.
Dir: Tony Richardson
Stars: Albert Finney, Susannah York, Hugh Griffith, Edith Evans, Joan Greenwood
TOM THUMB
1958
*
A woodcutter has his wishes granted by the queen of the forest.
A happy little film with energetic singing and dancing and decent trick effects.
Dir: George Pal
Stars: Russ Tamblyn, Terry-Thomas, Peter Sellers, Bernard Miles, Peter Butterworth
THE TOMB OF LIGEIA
1965
*
A nobleman believes that his new bride is possessed by the evil spirit of his dead wife.
Corman's last Poe adaptation is a bit too restrained and elegant for its own good, but Price is as good value as ever. The story (which is similar to many other Corman/Poe films, not least because of the cat) could have more clarity and force, but it's well shot on a budget on location - and of course, with this being AIP, it ends with a big fire!
Dir: Roger Corman
Stars: Vincent Price, Elizabeth Shepherd, John Westbrook, Derek Francis
1972
0
A confused girl wanders into the burial ground of some strange zombies.
Empty, slow and tedious horror whose only redeeming feature is the visual treat of the ghouls on horseback. Remarkably, there were three sequels.
Dir: Amando de Ossorio
Stars: Cesar Burner, Lone Fleming, Maria Elena Arpon
TOMMY
1975
**
A deaf, dumb and blind kid is roundly abused but his talent for pinball turns him into a modern-day messiah.
The Who’s dippy but beguiling rock opera is given the full, double-barrelled Ken Russell treatment and the result is an ostentatious and sometimes powerful fantasy that’s difficult to ignore. The alluring soundtrack helps, but it's not as good as the group's original album (except for Tina Turner's Acid Queen turn).
Dir: Ken Russell
Stars: Roger Daltrey, Oliver Reed, Ann-Margret, Elton John, Keith Moon, Jack Nicholson, Robert Powell, Tina Turner
TOMMY BOY
1995
0
A dimwitted man inherits a factory.
Awful all-American comedy which pairs unoriginal slapstick with a weirdly incoherent, business-obsessed plot.
Dir: Peter Segal
Stars: Chris Farley, Brian Dennehy, Bo Derek, Dan Aykroyd
TOMORROW AT TEN
1962
**
A kidnapper takes a boy and locks him in a room with a golliwog that has a bomb in it.
Neat, well controlled little thriller that benefits from two meaty lead performances and an absence of female characters. The police’s calmness is a little incredulous at times, and there might have been a few more shots of the clock, but the gently twisting tale and period asides make it a nice film to spend time with.
Dir: Lance Comfort
Stars: John Gregson, Robert Shaw, Alec Clunes, Kenneth Cope, William Hartnell
TOMORROW NEVER COMES
1978
0
A nutter holds an ex-girlfriend hostage at a holiday resort.
Terrible thriller from a (mostly) terrible director, utterly devoid of tension, platitudinous, cliched (the title gives a clue) and full of characters behaving in absurd ways - why, for instance, would the man tell the crazed, blood-soaked villain where the female employee lives, and why do the police not evacuate the area around the crime scene? Backing music is awful and dialogue dire. A sweaty Reed, a double-chinned George and dopey Pleasence with a stupid accent are just a few of personnel insulting our intelligence in this extravaganza of dumb.
Dir: Peter Collinson
Stars: Oliver Reed, Susan George, Raymond Burr, Donald Pleasence
TOMORROW NEVER DIES
1997
**
James Bond tackles a media mastermind intent on provoking war between China and Britain.
Superior follow-up to GoldenEye which, while it relies too heavily on gunplay and explosions, serves up several scenes that can stand among the best in the canon - the remote-control car chase, the encounter with Dr Kaufman the assassin, the motorcycle chase - along with solid baddies, gadgets and quips. Although the main plot is a little thin and daft, Brosnan is fitting the role nicely and Pryce has some fun as the main villain, so it doesn't matter too much.
Dir: Roger Spottiswoode
Stars: Pierce Brosnan, Jonathan Pryce, Michelle Yeoh, Teri Hatcher, Ricky Jay, Gotz Otto, Joe Don Baker, Judi Dench, Desmond Llewelyn, Geoffrey Palmer
TONGUES UNTIED
1989
*
Documentary about being gay and black in America.
A personal project that was seen by more eyes than otherwise would have been because of critical plaudits. It certainly has a distinctive personality of its own, taking an unconventional approach to its subject, with modern poetry intermingled with stock footage - this gives it a lively rhythm. It won't be everyone's cup of tea, though, to put it mildly.
Dir: Marlon Riggs
2014
**
Documentary about the life and career of Labour politician Tony Benn.
In what was a slightly ghoulish turn, Benn died shortly before this film was completed, but here he is to discuss his eventful existence in detail, either in his kitchen or in a dark virtual set - there is also a mass of archive footage, which immerses the viewer in Britain's recent past. He was always a sharply intelligent person, if wrong on virtually every issue, and thus this makes for always interesting viewing, although it's evident that the director is not keen on any negative light being cast on his subject. The DVD has some extra interview footage; more still would have been welcome.
Dir: Skip Kite
TOO BEAUTIFUL TO DIE
1989
0
Someone is murdering fashion models.
Glossy whodunit of little substance or originality.
Dir: Dario Piana
Stars: Francois-Eric Gendron, Florence Guerin, Giovanni Tamberi
TOO MANY CROOKS
1958
*
An accident-prone gang of criminals kidnap a businessman's wife.
Nice and neat comedy which moves briskly and has a great cast.
Dir: Mario Zampi
Stars: Terry-Thomas, George Cole, Bernard Bresslaw, Sid James, Vera Day, John Le Mesurier, Edie Martin
TOO MANY HUSBANDS
1940
*
A woman marries again after her husband is drowned at sea - only he isn't dead, and returns to reclaim his wife.
A screwball comedy, not the sort of thing you'd normally associate as being from the pen of the legendary Somerset Maugham, this pummels its concept for pretty much the whole running time, and the ending isn't as clever as it might have been (this viewer expected a different resolution, and there seems to be some set-up for it early in the film, with another female character). Agreeably performed, if a little repetitive and lacking in twists.
Dir: Wesley Ruggles
Stars: Jean Arthur, Fred MacMurray, Melvyn Douglas, Harry Davenport
TOO SCARED TO SCREAM
1985
0
A killer stalks women in a high rise apartment building.
Psycho-ish shocker which passes the time, hiding the killer pretty well.
Dir: Tony Lo Bianco
Stars: Mike Connors, Anne Archer, Ian McShane, John Heard, Maureen O'Sullivan
THE TOOLBOX MURDERS
1978
0
Women are murdered by a religious maniac with a big toolbox.
Skill-less horror which starts in deliciously trashy fashion – three brutal murders, including a beautiful naked redhead killed by a nail gun after a bath and a brief chase – but is then unable to mask its huge deficiencies, boring the audience to death with endless scenes of terrible dialogue and shots that are held for far too long. Watch out for the hilariously contaminated crime scenes, too.
Dir: Dennis Donnelly
Stars: Cameron Mitchell, Pamelyn Ferdin, Wesley Eure
TOOMORROW
1970
0
Aliens kidnap a young pop group to improve their society.
Spectacularly unsuccessful sci-fi musical that played for two weeks then very nearly disappeared forever - it's not hard to see why, but it's pleasing that it did resurface because although it's largely guff it's good-natured guff, and it offers a window on a time of more relaxed morals, more laidback students and a less tense London. Kitsch, colourful and daft, it's the non-horror Dracula AD 1972.
Dir: Val Guest
Stars: Olivia Newton-John, Benny Thomas, Vic Cooper, Karl Chambers
TOOTSIE
1983
***
An out-of-work actor is forced to dress as a woman to get work.
One of the films of its year, a funny and sharply scripted comedy full of memorable performances; one in particular.
Dir: Sydney Pollack
Stars: Dustin Hoffman, Jessica Lange, Teri Garr, Bill Murray, Sydney Pollack, Geena Davis
TOP GUN
1986
*
A student at a flying school romances his teacher.
Glossy, shallow drama for boys who like their planes, even if they’re not involved in anything particularly significant.
Dir: Tony Scott
Stars: Tom Cruise, Kelly McGillis, Val Kilmer, Tom Skerritt, Michael Ironside
TOP GUN: MAVERICK
2022
***
Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell trains a young group of pilots for a very tough mission to take out an enemy's uranium supplies.
An incredible 36 years after the original film (with Cruise having aged remarkably well), this sequel is a bit like a cross between Mission: Impossible and the first Star Wars film (which requires the precision bombing of the Death Star), although it very much has the DNA of the original - it might even be the most Eighties-ish film made in the 2020s, with its period rock numbers, topless men on the beach shot in glowing colours and its many nods back to the original. But it's definitely the better film, albeit still a corny one, with a stronger plot which feels like it means a bit more - and at a time when the US has gone horribly wrong, it celebrates the best of America, which includes brotherhood, ambition, duty and patriotism. The flying sequences are masterful.
Dir: Joseph Kosinski
Stars: Tom Cruise, Jennifer Connelly, Miles Teller, Val Kilmer
TOP HAT
1935
****
Numerous obstacles stand in the way of a couple falling in love.
Glorious Fred and Ginger musical featuring top drawer song and dance numbers plus delightfully handled plot complications. Everything about it smacks of expertise.
Dir: Mark Sandrich
Stars: Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers, Edward Everett Horton, Erik Rhodes
TOP SECRET!
1984
**
An American rock and roll singer gets involved with a resistance plot to rescue an imprisoned East German scientist.
High spirited, good natured, sometimes hilarious Airplane-type spoof with too many targets to mention, many based around movie conventions. Viewed today it's lost just a little of its zing.
Dir: Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, Jerry Zucker
Stars: Val Kilmer, Lucy Gutteridge, Michael Gough, Peter Cushing, Jeremy Kemp, Warren Clarke
TOPAZ
1969
*
A French agent gets embroiled in Cold War politics.
One of Hitchcock's most disappointing pictures still stubbornly refuses to be rediscovered as a classic, and that's because it's a hellishly long, well overpopulated and deeply convoluted political thriller with very few sequences in the master's best style. That it was an unhappy production is more than evident, and audiences cannot be blamed for recoiling from a film that is too often grey men in suits standing around talking.
Dir: Alfred Hitchcock
Stars: Frederick Stafford, John Forsythe, John Vernon, Dany Robin, Karin Dor
TOPKAPI
1964
*
Crooks carry out a meticulous plan to steal a precious dagger from a Turkish museum.
Influential, watchable caper which culminates in an engrossing robbery after some dawdling earlier on; a surfeit of local noise and colour adds a good deal of flavour.
Dir: Jules Dassin
Stars: Melina Mercouri, Peter Ustinov, Maximilian Schell, Robert Morley, Jess Hahn
TOPPER
1937
*
A couple don't let death get in the way of them having a good time.
Much imitated fantasy comedy that almost, but not quite, makes mortality amusing.
Dir: Norman Z McLeod
Stars: Cary Grant, Constance Bennett, Roland Young, Billie Burke
TOPPER
1979 (TV)
0
Styleless remake bogged down by the old clichés.
Dir: Charles S Dubin
Stars: Jack Warden, Kate Jackson, Andrew Stevens
TOPPER RETURNS
1941
**
Topper helps the ghost of a woman track down her killer.
Dated but lively comedy for those who can take death lightly.
Dir: Roy Del Ruth
Stars: Joan Blondell, Roland Young, Carole Landis, Billie Burke
TOPPER TAKES A TRIP
1939
0
Mrs Topper seeks to divorce her husband because of his tomfoolery with ghosts.
Weakest of the Topper trilogy with entirely run-of-the-mill antics.
Dir: Norman Z McLeod
Stars: Roland Young, Constance Bennett, Billie Burke
TORMENTED
1960
0
A man is haunted by his ex-lover whose death he failed to prevent.
Amusing, occasionally unintentionally hilarious ghost story acted with a woodenness that's rather heart-warming (but the kid's not bad). Restricted by its budget to limited settings, that matters not a jot and even gives it a hearty, salty flavour.
Dir: Bert I Gordon
Stars: Richard Carlson, Susan Gordon, Lugene Sanders, Juli Reding
TORMENTED
2009
0
A bullied schoolboy commits suicide but comes back from the dead to slay his persecutors.
Yet another example of how horrible popular culture for young Britons has become, this shallow horror film feigns to condemn bullying but instead condones it as it revels in the unpleasant behaviour of the vile youths who almost exclusively people it. It’s tricky to decide what’s more depressing: the amorality of the filmmakers or the fact that it received just a 15 certificate.
Dir: Jon Wright
Stars: Tuppence Middleton, Alex Pettyfer, April Pearson
TORN CURTAIN
1966
**
An American scientist defects to East Germany, but actually has other motives.
Latter-day Hitch which only sporadically shows the master at his best; two such scenes are the protracted killing in the kitchen and the escape on the bus.
Dir: Alfred Hitchcock
Stars: Paul Newman, Julie Andrews, Wolfgang Kieling, Lila Kedrova
TORSO
1973
0
A hooded killer preys on hapless females.
If ever in need of a manual on how not to make a suspense thriller have a watch of this crass and boring effort with fake gore and bad acting. There’s certainly no other reason to watch it.
Dir: Sergio Martino
Stars: Suzy Kendall, Tina Aumont, Luc Merenda
TORTURE GARDEN
1967
*
Dr Diablo tells four people at a fairground terrible tales of their future: Enoch, Terror Over Hollywood, Mr Steinway and The Man Who Collected Poe.
Rather artificial-seeming Amicus anthology in which the stories range from pretty poor (two and three) to moderately good (one and four); the fairground provides a nice wraparound setting, and there's some lurid lighting. Not among writer Robert Bloch's best work, it features such things as a killer piano, an android starlet and a resurrected author - Amicus would get better at conveying such madness in a more tense fashion.
Dir: Freddie Francis
Stars: Burgess Meredith, Jack Palance, Peter Cushing, Michael Bryant, Beverly Adams, Maurice Denham, Michael Ripper
TOTAL RECALL
1990
***
In 2084, people can have memories implanted in their heads. A construction worker undergoes the process but it leads to a terrifying battle against an evil corporation.
Powerful, eventful sci-fi thriller that disguises its intelligence with tremendous action and violence - perhaps because the star was clearly more suited to the latter.
Dir: Paul Verhoeven
Stars: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sharon Stone, Ronny Cox, Michael Ironside
A TOUCH OF CLASS
1973
0
A pair of lovers, him already married, have trysts in London and Spain.
Dated, unlovely sex comedy (with, predictably, very little of either) in which both the romancers are unsympathetic, him because he's a married man carrying on like a cad, her because she has the sex appeal of Hitler.
Dir: Melvin Frank
Stars: George Segal, Glenda Jackson, Paul Sorvino, K Callan
TOUCH OF EVIL
1958
**
A couple honeymooning in an American border town become embroiled in a political frame-up.
Complicated and unsympathetic thriller redeemed by splendid, moody cinematography.
Dir: Orson Welles
Stars: Charlton Heston, Janet Leigh, Orson Welles, Joseph Calleia
A TOUCH OF LOVE
1968
0
A single girl becomes pregnant and is faced with difficult life choices.
Dreary drama with a drip of a star; Amicus should have stuck to horror films.
Dir: Waris Hussein
Stars: Sandy Dennis, Ian McKellen, Eleanor Bron, John Standing
A TOUCH OF THE OTHER
1970
0
A man is given an office by a dodgy gangster and gets into all sorts of trouble.
Dingy, incompetent and uninteresting crime drama with a touch of sauciness - the US title was House Of Hookers, but many Yanks must have been sorely disappointed at the moderate amount of flesh (Field makes particularly determined efforts not to show her nipples). One for fans of garish period wallpaper and no one else.
Dir: Arnold L Miller
Stars: Kenneth Cope, Shirley Anne Field, Helene Francoise
THE TOUCHABLES
1968
0
Four groovy chicks kidnap a pop star and use him as a sex slave.
Films without a good, proper story are usually a crashing bore, and this pretty much is, apart from some of the pop ephemera on show (plus the big plastic bubble) and its interesting technical credits, including the fact that it was directed by the man who shot five Beatles albums covers. Tedious postmodernism.
Dir: Robert Freeman
Stars: Judy Huxtable, David Anthony, Ester Anderson, James Villiers
TOUCHING THE VOID
2002
**
Documentary focusing on two climbers' attempts to surmount a treacherous mountain.
Stirring tale of despair and heroism, strikingly shot.
Dir: Kevin Macdonald
Stars: Joe Simpson, Simon Yates
TOWED IN A HOLE
1932
**
Stan and Ollie run into difficulties doing up the boat they have bought to help them with their fish business.
Winsome star comedy demonstrating their adeptness at performing something beyond slapstick and their knack with sparing but lunatic dialogue, including Stan's inability to repeat an idea.
Dir: George Marshall
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Billy Gilbert
TOWER OF EVIL
1972
0
Teenagers on a remote island off the coast are stalked by a monster.
Standard shocker with plenty of crowd-pleasing gore and nudity, it plays like a precursor to the next decade’s stalk and slash movies.
Dir: Jim O'Connolly
Stars: Bryant Haliday, Jill Haworth, Robin Askwith, Candace Glendenning, George Coulouris, Anna Palk
TOWER OF LONDON
1939
*
Richard Duke of Gloucester kills those standing between him and the throne.
Historical melodrama with horror overtones, mainly notable for juicy turns from Rathbone, Karloff and Price, those three old masters. One wishes there was more of them and less ‘proper’ history – the movie seems a little stuck between two stools, the horror and historical, and doesn’t have the lavish budget to effectively furnish the latter. Still, painless enough, with some fun scenes.
Dir: Rowland V Lee
Stars: Basil Rathbone, Boris Karloff, Vincent Price, Barbara O’Neil, Ian Hunter
TOWER OF LONDON
1962
0
Richard III is haunted by the ghosts of those he murdered in order to claim the throne.
A bit of Macbeth is thrown in but that's where the Shakespeare connections end in this flattish cheapie with American accents. Olivier was creepier.
Dir: Roger Corman
Stars: Vincent Price, Michael Pate, Joan Freeman
THE TOWERING INFERNO
1974
**
The opening night of a poorly constructed office block soon descends into chaos.
The granddaddy disaster movie and pretty much the start of a cycle that would last for the next decade. Here all the elements, including spectacular special effects and a roster of stars, are in place and provide the reason for watching.
Dir: Irwin Allen, John Guillermin
Stars: Steve McQueen, Paul Newman, William Holden, Faye Dunaway, Fred Astaire, Susan Blakely, Richard Chamberlain, Robert Vaughn, Robert Wagner, O J Simpson
THE TOWN THAT DREADED SUNDOWN
1976
*
The story of a hooded killer who terrorised Texarkana in 1946.
Curious enactment of gruesome historical events - not a horror, it comes with a narrator giving out intermittent facts, and has an inconsistent tone which veers from strong violence to light-heartedness, even veering into kooky Dukes Of Hazzard territory at one point. The story is mildly intriguing, the photography good, the lack of tension and mystery irritating, the lack of a resolution is what it is. Never mind the odd bit with the trombone - at the end, people queue up to watch the film in the modern-day town.
Dir: Charles B Pierce
Stars: Ben Johnson, Andrew Prine, Dawn Wells. Narrator: Vern Stierman
1985
*
A nerd is turned into a bulky superhero after being exposed to chemical waste.
Loosely structured low budget horror spoof which celebrates the ugly side of life.
Dir: Michael Herz, Lloyd Kaufman
Stars: Mitch Cohen, Andree Maranda, Cindy Manion
THE TOXIC AVENGER PART II
1989
*
The Toxic Avenger fights crime in Japan.
Slightly less nasty and more humorous sequel with dollops of outrageous violence that one can only laugh at.
Dir: Michael Herz, Lloyd Kaufman
Stars: Ron Fazio, John Altamura, Rick Collins
THE TOXIC AVENGER PART III
1989
0
Toxie goes to work for an evil corporation.
Unspeakably awful rubbish, as artless as an art gallery with no pictures in it. Keep an eye out for the hopeless extras in the numerous crowd scenes.
Dir: Michael Herz, Lloyd Kaufman
Stars: Ron Fazio, John Altamura, Rick Collins
THE TOY BOX
1971
0
A couple perform sex games for a mysterious 'Uncle' figure in a large house.
Bizarre mix of sex, sci-fi and horror that unsurprisingly ended up on the Something Weird label; it may be ultra cheap and strangely dubbed, but at least it has some imagination and a succession of extremely attractive women with no clothes on. Uschi Digard and her living bed is quite something.
Dir: Ronald Victor Garcia
Stars: Evan Steele, Ann Perry, Neal Bishop
TOY STORY
1995
***
A cowboy toy feels threatened when a fancy spaceman toy arrives in a boy's bedroom.
Marvellous freewheeling cartoon feature, a great leap forward in computer animation techniques, immense fun for all but the most miserable misanthropes.
Dir: John Lasseter
Voices: Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, Don Rickles, R Lee Ermey
TOY STORY 2
1999
***
When Woody is stolen by a toy collector, Buzz and pals set out to rescue him.
Sequel as beautifully made as the first, a slice of intelligent, pure cinema that gives even the most minor characters a life of their own.
Dir: John Lasseter
Voices: Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, Joan Cusack, Don Rickles
TOY STORY 3
2010
***
The toys fear they are destined for the attic when their owner, Andy, prepares to go to college.
A film that’s genuinely for all ages with its mix of comedy, thrills and sentiment: the theme of the loss of childhood has rarely been better handled.
Dir: Lee Unkrich
Voices: Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, Joan Cusack, Ned Beatty, Don Rickles, Michael Keaton
TOY STORY 4
2019
**
The girl who now owns the toys makes a new one, Forky, and an adventure centring on him ensues.
The animation is as superlative as ever but this instalment doesn't quite thrill or move as much as its predecessors: perhaps it's because it doesn't seem as fresh as before, perhaps it's in part due to some feminisation, perhaps it's because the story isn't as smooth and pleasing as before. But there's much good about it, including the wonderfully realised settings of the fair and the antiques shop, and deeper themes than most of its younger audience members will be aware of.
Dir: Josh Cooley
Voices: Tom Hanks, Annie Potts, Tony Hale, Tim Allen
TRACK 29
1987
*
A doctor's wife grows bored with her model-train obsessed husband.
As you'd expect of a combination between director Roeg and writer Dennis Potter, a mighty strange and off-key concoction, one that doesn't provide much surface entertainment but gives the mind much to mull over.
Dir: Nicolas Roeg
Stars: Theresa Russell, Gary Oldman, Christopher Lloyd, Colleen Camp
TRADER HORN
1931
*
Traders in Darkest Africa discover a tribe led by a white woman.
Highly archaic tommyrot that got a lot of attention at the time because of its photography of a continent previously unseen by western audiences. Now likely to give modern audiences, particularly delicate ones, a case of the PC collywobbles, it's a pretty tough watch, and lasts way too long; most Weissmuller Tarzans would be preferable viewing.
Dir: WS Van Dyke
Stars: Harry Carey, Edwina Booth, Duncan Renaldo
TRADER HORNEE
1970
0
A detective journeys to Africa to find a legendary white gorilla.
Sexy spoof which doesn't satisfy as a comedy or a naughty movie.
Dir: Jonathan Lucas
Stars: Buddy Pantsari, Elisabeth Monica, John Alderman
TRAFFIC
2000
*
Various drug trafficking incidents overlap with the story of a judge appointed to fight the war on drugs who discovers his daughter is an addict.
Proficient moviemaking, but a somewhat depressing way to spend two-and-a-half hours, seeing as it's largely in the company of repellent characters; the way it's shot is irritating too - all that portentous colour-coding - and its style might date quickly.
Dir: Steven Soderbergh
Stars: Michael Douglas, Don Cheadle, Benicio Del Toro, Catherine Zeta-Jones
1971
0
A couple perform sex games for a mysterious 'Uncle' figure in a large house.
Bizarre mix of sex, sci-fi and horror that unsurprisingly ended up on the Something Weird label; it may be ultra cheap and strangely dubbed, but at least it has some imagination and a succession of extremely attractive women with no clothes on. Uschi Digard and her living bed is quite something.
Dir: Ronald Victor Garcia
Stars: Evan Steele, Ann Perry, Neal Bishop
TOY STORY
1995
***
A cowboy toy feels threatened when a fancy spaceman toy arrives in a boy's bedroom.
Marvellous freewheeling cartoon feature, a great leap forward in computer animation techniques, immense fun for all but the most miserable misanthropes.
Dir: John Lasseter
Voices: Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, Don Rickles, R Lee Ermey
TOY STORY 2
1999
***
When Woody is stolen by a toy collector, Buzz and pals set out to rescue him.
Sequel as beautifully made as the first, a slice of intelligent, pure cinema that gives even the most minor characters a life of their own.
Dir: John Lasseter
Voices: Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, Joan Cusack, Don Rickles
TOY STORY 3
2010
***
The toys fear they are destined for the attic when their owner, Andy, prepares to go to college.
A film that’s genuinely for all ages with its mix of comedy, thrills and sentiment: the theme of the loss of childhood has rarely been better handled.
Dir: Lee Unkrich
Voices: Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, Joan Cusack, Ned Beatty, Don Rickles, Michael Keaton
TOY STORY 4
2019
**
The girl who now owns the toys makes a new one, Forky, and an adventure centring on him ensues.
The animation is as superlative as ever but this instalment doesn't quite thrill or move as much as its predecessors: perhaps it's because it doesn't seem as fresh as before, perhaps it's in part due to some feminisation, perhaps it's because the story isn't as smooth and pleasing as before. But there's much good about it, including the wonderfully realised settings of the fair and the antiques shop, and deeper themes than most of its younger audience members will be aware of.
Dir: Josh Cooley
Voices: Tom Hanks, Annie Potts, Tony Hale, Tim Allen
TRACK 29
1987
*
A doctor's wife grows bored with her model-train obsessed husband.
As you'd expect of a combination between director Roeg and writer Dennis Potter, a mighty strange and off-key concoction, one that doesn't provide much surface entertainment but gives the mind much to mull over.
Dir: Nicolas Roeg
Stars: Theresa Russell, Gary Oldman, Christopher Lloyd, Colleen Camp
TRADER HORN
1931
*
Traders in Darkest Africa discover a tribe led by a white woman.
Highly archaic tommyrot that got a lot of attention at the time because of its photography of a continent previously unseen by western audiences. Now likely to give modern audiences, particularly delicate ones, a case of the PC collywobbles, it's a pretty tough watch, and lasts way too long; most Weissmuller Tarzans would be preferable viewing.
Dir: WS Van Dyke
Stars: Harry Carey, Edwina Booth, Duncan Renaldo
TRADER HORNEE
1970
0
A detective journeys to Africa to find a legendary white gorilla.
Sexy spoof which doesn't satisfy as a comedy or a naughty movie.
Dir: Jonathan Lucas
Stars: Buddy Pantsari, Elisabeth Monica, John Alderman
TRADING PLACES
1983
**
A white stockbroker and a black hustler swap places due to a bet by two millionaires.
Witty, bold, sharply scripted comedy with a great cast, it moves at a decent clip and takes pleasure in involving its characters in woebegone farcical situations. The fact that it's in no way believable does not harm it - it's in its own way a key 1980s movie, with director Landis fully charged up and switched on.
Dir: John Landis
Stars: Dan Aykroyd, Eddie Murphy, Ralph Bellamy, Don Ameche, Denholm Elliott, Jamie Lee Curtis
TRAFFIC
1971
*
Monsieur Hulot drives a car from Paris to Amsterdam.
Star vehicle (no pun intended) that spreads the generally subtle gags thinly and intermittently, resulting in easy, laidback viewing, at least for those who are Tati fans. After the commercial disaster of Playtime (qv), it's perhaps surprising that Tati didn't get a bit more commercial again: aside from a few moderately funny moments, this echoes that film's vague, dreamy narrative with long scenes of inconsequential meanderings. Many film critics will only reluctantly criticise French cinema, though.
Dir: Jacques Tati
Stars: Jacques Tati, Marcel Fraval, Maria Kimberly
TRAFFIC
2000
*
Various drug trafficking incidents overlap with the story of a judge appointed to fight the war on drugs who discovers his daughter is an addict.
Proficient moviemaking, but a somewhat depressing way to spend two-and-a-half hours, seeing as it's largely in the company of repellent characters; the way it's shot is irritating too - all that portentous colour-coding - and its style might date quickly.
Dir: Steven Soderbergh
Stars: Michael Douglas, Don Cheadle, Benicio Del Toro, Catherine Zeta-Jones
THE TRAGEDY OF MACBETH
2021
*
A lord and his wife scheme to make him king of Scotland.
Shakespeare's bloody play strikingly shot on sound stages, not in old castles, without any Scottish accents; it is done in black and white in more ways than one. Brave and non-commercial, it perhaps lacks passion and anger from Macbeth, and some of the casting is questionable. The witch is arresting, though.
Dir: Joel Coen
Stars: Denzel Washington, Frances McDormand, Alex Hassell, Bertie Carvel
TRAIL OF THE PINK PANTHER
1982
0
Former acquaintances of Inspector Clouseau reminisce when the famous detective goes missing.
An attempt to prolong the Pink Panther series two years after Sellers’ death: the first half uses footage not considered good enough for the originals, the second compiles moments from those films. Overall a bit of a tasteless mess, with the end credits providing the funniest bits.
Dir: Blake Edwards
Stars: David Niven, Herbert Lom, Joanna Lumley, Burt Kwouk, Leonard Rossiter, Graham Stark, Ronald Fraser, Peter Sellers
TRAIL OF THE ROYAL MOUNTED
1931 (serial)
0
Prospectors battle over an old mine.
Originally known as The Mystery Trooper, this is a primitive serial that is hard going nowadays. The actors are more suited to the silent era, the editing is soporific and the lack of a score is detrimental. There's a strange bit with the horses in the last episode.
Dir: Stuart Paton
Stars: Robert Frazer, Blanche Mehaffey, Buzz Barton
TRAIN OF EVENTS
1949
*
Four stories linked by a train crash: The Engine Driver, The Composer, The Actor and The Prisoner-of-war.
On a dramatic level, mostly fairly rudimentary stuff, but with valued period footage of London and the train network, including the Euston Arch. Patchy from minute to minute and story to story, what's surprising is how much of it takes place before anyone gets on the train.
Dir: Sidney Cole, Cahrles Crichton, Basil Dearden
Stars: Jack Warner, Valerie Hobson, Peter Finch, Patric Doonan, Susan Shaw
TRAIN TO BUSAN
2016
*
A train from Seoul to Busan is hit by marauding zombies.
The East's fear of a virus writ large, sharply edited and very well choreographed, definitely one of the better modern zombie movies. Shame it's a bit long and the mid-section is a little repetitive and sapping.
Dir: Sang-ho Yeon
Stars: Gong Yoo, Yu-mi Jung, Ma Dong-seok
TRAINING DAY
2001
*
A rookie cop spends his first day as a narcotics officer in LA with a reprehensible colleague.
The temperature of this film starts high and becomes more overheated as it goes on, eventually busting the mercury and quite possibly stretching credulity. Impressively shot and acted, it shows how parts of California have become an ungovernable hell, with no solutions possible.
Dir: Antoine Fuqua
Stars: Denzel Washington, Ethan Hawke, Scott Glenn, Tom Berenger
1996
****
A Scottish junkie attempts to find a better life but keeps getting dragged back into one of heroin dependency.
Bristling, electric adaptation of a distressingly brilliant novel, this instant classic brought vim and credibility to the British film industry at a time when it needed it. A fantastic soundtrack, great acting and stylish direction has ensured it's retained every drop of its vitality, and like A Clockwork Orange can be enjoyed by everyone from lager lads to the intelligentsia. It feels a little strange to hold a film about such horribleness in great affection (the humour helps).
Dir: Danny Boyle
Stars: Ewan McGregor, Ewen Bremner, Jonny Lee Miller, Robert Carlyle, Kelly Macdonald
T2: TRAINSPOTTING
2017
***
Renton returns to Edinburgh and hooks up with blackmailing Sick Boy and a suicidal Spud, while a vengeful Begbie breaks out of prison.
Twenty-one years later, the band of loveable criminals and junkies return, and it was a worthwhile reunion, even if this sequel is predictably inferior and lacks much of the edge, pace, humour and sordidness of the original - but perhaps it reflects the palling of energy of its middle-aged characters. There's certainly much to enjoy, not least the top-notch cinematography, seeing the actors resurrect their roles, and several bravura sequences typical of the director (including one at a Protestant club, a car park confrontation, and the very final one). Pity about the odd title.
Dir: Danny Boyle
Stars: Ewan McGregor, Ewen Bremner, Jonny Lee Miller, Robert Carlyle, Anjela Nedyalkova
TRANCERS
1985
*
In the LA of the future, a cop chases a criminal who is turning people into zombies.
Lively sci-fi in the manner of The Terminator.
Dir: Charles Band
Stars: Tim Thomerson, Helen Hunt, Michael Stefani
TRANSFORMERS
2007
*
Huge robots that can turn into everyday machines wage war on Earth.
Charmless and unattractive actioner that offers little more than fast-cutting sound and fury and unsubtle humour; the cinematic equivalent of junk food.
Dir: Michael Bay
Stars: Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel, Jon Voight
THE TRANSFORMERS: THE MOVIE
1986
0
Autobots take on Decepticons.
Pretty much indecipherable for those of us who didn't watch the television series, this noisy madness is fondly remembered by those who did grow up with the show, but despite bits of vibrant imagery it's animated in an unsophisticated style (with fade-to-blacks for commercial breaks?) and accompanied by ghastly 1980s songs. They managed to get some impressive actors to voice it, though.
Dir: Nelson Shin
Voices: Leonard Nimoy, Robert Stack, Orson Welles, Scatman Crothers
TRANSSIBERIAN
2008
***
An American couple on the Trans-Siberian Railway encounters a mysterious pair of strangers.
Splendid thriller with a whiff of Hitchcock (not least The Lady Vanishes, what with the vivid train setting); its twists and turns are not telegraphed and it is steeped in local colour, if it can be called that, for it is bleak and chilling. Note-perfect performances - does Kingsley ever let you down? - add to its veracity, since these are characters with complexities, just as the film has moral complexities. It is about big secrets and little secrets.
Dir: Brad Anderson
Stars: Emily Mortimer, Woody Harrelson, Ben Kingsley, Kate Mara, Eduardo Noriega
TRANSYLVANIA 6-5000
1985
0
Two reporters encounter monsters in a strange castle in Transylvania.
Wacky spoof of a much spoofed genre, it provides smiles rather than guffaws.
Dir: Rudy De Luca
Stars: Jeff Goldblum, Joseph Bologna, Ed Begley Jr, Geena Davis
TRAPEZE
1956
*
A trapeze artist is taught the ropes by a former master.
Atmospheric but dry drama shot in strong colour.
Dir: Carol Reed
Stars: Burt Lancaster, Tony Curtis, Gina Lollobrigida, Sidney James
TRAPPED
1949
*
A counterfeiter plans to double cross the police who release him from jail on the condition of helping them.
Knotty little noir with punchy violence and effective location shooting; the climax isn't as you expect and a little unsatisfactory (some say Bridges got ill and a rewrite was necessary).
Dir: Richard Fleischer
Stars: Lloyd Bridges, Barbara Payton, John Hoyt, Russ Conway
TRAPPED ASHES
2006
0
Four gruesome stories are told in a theme park that houses the set of an old horror film: The Girl With Golden Breasts, Jibaku, Stanley’s Girlfriend and My Twin, The Worm.
Fairly disastrous anthology with a weird mix of directors and a weird mix of sex and horror that won’t appeal to anyone. The set-up makes you think it’s going to be a fun shocker in the Amicus mould but instead it resembles a TV movie obsessed with gynaecology: segment one is probably the most entertaining, the second is a bizarre failure, the third much too straight and the fourth does little with a pleasingly twisted idea – a woman is pregnant with both a child and a tapeworm.
Dir: Joe Dante, Ken Russell, Sean S Cunningham, Monte Hellman, John Gaeta
Stars: Rachel Veltri, Dick Miller, John Saxon, Lara Harris
TRASH
2014
0
Street children in Brazil find a wallet in the garbage which leads them into trouble.
A wannabe mix of City Of God and Slumdog Millionaire, but much worse than either of those films, this is an overlong street drama which doesn't convince and lacks any sort of bite (perhaps not a surprise when it's noted that the writer is the antichrist himself, Richard Curtis). Not trash, but not very good.
Dir: Stephen Daldry
Stars: Wagner Moura, Rooney Mara, Martin Sheen
TRAUMA
2004
0
A man is haunted by visions of his dead wife and starts to go mad.
Another dismal dud from the British film industry: incoherent, downbeat, pretentious and laughable.
Dir: Marc Evans
Stars: Colin Firth, Naomie Harris, Mena Suvari
TREAD SOFTLY STRANGER
1958
**
Two brothers plan a robbery but things don't go as planned.
Diana Dors is pretty much at her peak - certainly, physically - in this enjoyable crime drama that may be a heady, melodramatic brew but is greatly lifted by its contemporary location shooting of a northern industrial town (mainly Rotherham), fine expressionist photography and set design (particularly the rooftops). What does the title mean?
Dir: Gordon Parry
Stars: Diana Dors, George Baker, Terence Morgan, Patrick Allen
TRAPPED ASHES
2006
0
Four gruesome stories are told in a theme park that houses the set of an old horror film: The Girl With Golden Breasts, Jibaku, Stanley’s Girlfriend and My Twin, The Worm.
Fairly disastrous anthology with a weird mix of directors and a weird mix of sex and horror that won’t appeal to anyone. The set-up makes you think it’s going to be a fun shocker in the Amicus mould but instead it resembles a TV movie obsessed with gynaecology: segment one is probably the most entertaining, the second is a bizarre failure, the third much too straight and the fourth does little with a pleasingly twisted idea – a woman is pregnant with both a child and a tapeworm.
Dir: Joe Dante, Ken Russell, Sean S Cunningham, Monte Hellman, John Gaeta
Stars: Rachel Veltri, Dick Miller, John Saxon, Lara Harris
TRASH
2014
0
Street children in Brazil find a wallet in the garbage which leads them into trouble.
A wannabe mix of City Of God and Slumdog Millionaire, but much worse than either of those films, this is an overlong street drama which doesn't convince and lacks any sort of bite (perhaps not a surprise when it's noted that the writer is the antichrist himself, Richard Curtis). Not trash, but not very good.
Dir: Stephen Daldry
Stars: Wagner Moura, Rooney Mara, Martin Sheen
TRAUMA
2004
0
A man is haunted by visions of his dead wife and starts to go mad.
Another dismal dud from the British film industry: incoherent, downbeat, pretentious and laughable.
Dir: Marc Evans
Stars: Colin Firth, Naomie Harris, Mena Suvari
TREAD SOFTLY STRANGER
1958
**
Two brothers plan a robbery but things don't go as planned.
Diana Dors is pretty much at her peak - certainly, physically - in this enjoyable crime drama that may be a heady, melodramatic brew but is greatly lifted by its contemporary location shooting of a northern industrial town (mainly Rotherham), fine expressionist photography and set design (particularly the rooftops). What does the title mean?
Dir: Gordon Parry
Stars: Diana Dors, George Baker, Terence Morgan, Patrick Allen
TREASURE AT THE MILL
1957
0
A young boy tries to find some hidden treasure so his mother won't have to work for a cruel shop owner any longer.
Simple, inoffensive fare from the CFF, the sort of thing that very much speaks of pleasant Fifties Britain. The mill family are curiously all played by non-actors, which sort of shows.
Dir: Max Anderson
Stars: Richard Palmer, John Ruddock, Hilda Fenemore
TREASURE ISLAND
1990 (TV)
*
An old pirate map leads to a long sea voyage and buried treasure.
Handsomely mounted adaptation of Stevenson's classic that carefully recreates the period although suffers from the odd longeur.
Dir: Fraser Clarke Heston
Stars: Charlton Heston, Christian Bale, Oliver Reed, Christopher Lee, Julian Glover
TREASURE OF THE AMAZON
1985
0
Various scurrilous types seek treasure in remote jungle.
Trashy adventure with terrible sound - you can hear background noise much too loudly - and murky picture; it also goes on for way too long (about 100 minutes too long). Like virtually all of his performances in the last 15 years of his life, Donald Pleasence is dreadful.
Dir: Rene Cardona Jr
Stars: Stuart Whitman, Donald Pleasence, Bradford Dillman, John Ireland, Sonia Infante
THE TREASURE OF THE SIERRA MADRE
1948
**
Gold prospectors search the dangerous Mexican hills for treasure.
An esteemed picture which retains some power but is a little arid for much of its considerable length.
Dir: John Huston
Stars: Humphrey Bogart, Walter Huston, Tim Holt, Bruce Bennett
A TREE GROWS IN BROOKLYN
1945
***
A Brooklyn family at the beginning of the 20th century endure a harsh existence.
Vivid and detailed family drama that dwells on tragedy throughout but ends on an uplifting, hopeful note.
Dir: Elia Kazan
Stars: Dorothy McGuire, Joan Blondell, James Dunn, Lloyd Nolan
THE TREE OF LIFE
2011
**
A boy in 1956 Texas experiences the highs and lows of youth.
If the viewer can get past the unorthodox first 40 minutes of this unique, personal film they will surely make it to the end and perhaps feel rewarded; a gorgeous looking feature far from the mainstream, it presents a hazy, non-linear narrative and delivers fragments of incident like they're the memories of an older person - which in this case they are. Not an all-conquering triumph because the storytelling is a bit too loose, but nevertheless a remarkably different and skilful slice of cinema.
Dir: Terrence Malick
Stars: Brad Pitt, Jessica Chastain, Sean Penn
TREMORS
1990
**
Huge underground creatures terrorise a small town.
Entertaining monster movie which benefits from bright settings, quirky characters and a firm tongue in cheek.
Dir: Ron Underwood
Stars: Kevin Bacon, Fred Ward, Finn Carter
THE TRIAL
1962
*
An office worker is arrested but is not made aware of the charges.
A predictably challenging film - Welles meets Kafka, how could it not be? - in which Norman Bates descends into a nightmare world, one that is strikingly shot in black and white in unique locations, which sometimes house a remarkable number of extras. After an arresting (no pun intended) beginning it becomes increasingly frustrating and irritating for the average viewer: the characters speak in English but what they are saying does not conventionally make any sense. Which is, of course, as intended. So despite its obvious qualities it's not easy to view sympathetically, and one mentally checks out before the end.
Dir: Orson Welles
Stars: Anthony Perkins, Orson Welles, Jeanne Moreau, Romy Schneider
TRIAL BY COMBAT
1976
*
A group of aristocrats take justice into their own hands if they feel it hasn't been done.
Black comedy obviously inspired by TV's The Avengers, but rarely reaching the wonderfully bizarre heights that that series did.
Dir: Kevin Connor
Stars: John Mills, Donald Pleasence, Barbara Hershey, Peter Cushing, Brian Glover
THE TRIAL OF THE CHICAGO 7
2020
***
The story of the court case that tried seven people for their parts in the violent conflict at the 1968 Democratic National Convention in Chicago.
A demanding watch to be sure, with this writer/director's usual super-fast, super-slick masses of dialogue and plenty of intricacies to take in, this is nevertheless a rewarding watch for those who can keep up with it (perhaps Sorkin was destined to do a courtroom drama). And of course, there's no faulting the performances, the odd wavering American accent aside. How accurate is it? Reasonably so, it seems.
Dir: Aaron Sorkin
Stars: Frank Langella, Mark Rylance, Eddie Redmayne, Sacha Baron Cohen, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Jeremy Strong, Michael Keaton
THE TRIAL OF THE INCREDIBLE HULK
1989 (TV)
0
David Banner employs a blind lawyer, who is also Daredevil, when he is accused of a mob crime that the Kingpin has perpetrated.
Regrettably dull superhero shenanigans.
Dir: Bill Bixby
Stars: Bill Bixby, Lou Ferrigno, Rex Smith, John Rhys-Davies
TRIAL RUN
1984
0
A female photographer working alone at a beach house is menaced by a stranger.
The New Zealand film industry demonstrating once again how to make a monotonous and irksome picture, one that mixes genres together to produce nothing but awfulness.
Dir: Melanie Read
Stars: Annie Whittle, Judith Gibson, Chris Broun
THE TRIALS OF OSCAR WILDE
1960
**
Oscar Wilde goes to court to fight a slander on his name, but lives to regret it.
Compelling and brave biopic, well made all round, brightened by a healthy amount of Wilde's epigrams.
Dir: Ken Hughes
Stars: Peter Finch, Yvonne Mitchell, James Mason, Nigel Patrick, Lionel Jeffries
TRIANGLE
2009
**
A troubled single mother goes on a sailing trip which runs into trouble.
Although this ‘Groundhog Day In Hell’ drama isn’t quite as clever as it thinks it is, it does manage to hold the attention as it twists merrily away, and it successfully swelled messageboards at IMDb. It's the director’s best film so far despite a conclusion that isn’t as satisfying as you’d like; but as soon as it finishes you stick the DVD back on to watch the opening minutes again, if not more of it.
Dir: Christopher Smith
Stars: Melissa George, Michael Dorman, Liam Hemsworth
TRIANGLE OF SADNESS
2022
****
A yacht cruise for the ultra-rich goes badly wrong.
Scintillating stuff from a director who is only getting better, this is a brilliantly controlled jet-black comedy in three acts, all of which are magnetic to watch thanks to pitch-perfect performances, astute scripting and clear, concise direction. Among the many highlights: Harrelson's drunk Marxist captain and his burger and chips; 'I believe this is one of ours', the spaghetti on the fork, 'You should eat if you feel sea sick', the Russian fertiliser dealer, the swimming break, the switcheroo of the roles, the poor donkey, and the pungent, ambiguous ending. It's a very intelligent movie that never gives up its hold; Ostlund has nailed it.
Dir: Ruben Ostlund
Stars: Charlbi Dean, Harris Dickinson, Woody Harrelson, Zlatko Buric
1978
0
There's intrigue and duplicity afoot in the Seychelles.
Inordinately muddled sexy crime drama whose compensations are nearly all unclothed lady shaped - and the weather's nice and the locations are exotic. Oh, the glorious 1970s!
Dir: Hubert Frank
Stars: Olivia Pascal, Philippe Garnier, Elisa Servier, Bea Fiedler
TRICK OR TREAT
1987
0
A rock fan is sent messages from beyond the grave by his dead hero.
Junky horror comic with a superfluity of rock music; tedious and ridiculous.
Dir: Charles Martin Smith
Stars: Marc Price, Tony Fields, Gene Simmons, Ozzy Osbourne
TRICK ‘R TREAT
2008
*
Interwoven horrific stories on Halloween night.
Unfocused shocker that’s a sort of Creepshow-like anthology but goes for ‘clever’ intercutting of the tales whereas they might have worked better kept separate, although since the endings of each barely constitute a twist, perhaps not. All the familiar pats and beats of the modern horror film are here, and there’s an over-reliance on ‘is this real or just someone messing around on Halloween?’ shenanigans; it seems to get plenty of support on the internet as it’s an underdog, not having been awarded a theatrical release.
Dir: Michael Dougherty
Stars: Dylan Baker, Anna Paquin, Brian Cox, Tahmoh Penikett
TRICKED
2012
***
A businessman's 50th birthday party is interrupted by a young woman who may be pregnant by him.
This is the result of a quirky little project by Verhoeven, now seemingly ensconced in his native Netherlands once more, in which he had several thousand people attempt to contribute to the script and then shot it with different crews, some non-professional: its making is documented in a 35-minute film that precedes the main, 50-minute feature. The end result is remarkably good - coherent, clever and compelling, its tangy tale showcases once more a director surely among the most gifted of his era.
Dir: Paul Verhoeven
Stars: Gaite Jansen, Peter Blok, Robert de Hoog, Ricky Koole
TRILOGY OF TERROR
1975 (TV)
*
Three scary stories all starring Karen Black: Julie; Millicent And Therese; Amelia.
Fondly remembered but not great anthology; the first story is fairly intriguing, the second is a predictable slip of a tale, the third is a right laugh - lively, juicy horror.
Dir: Dan Curtis
Stars: Karen Black, Robert Burton, John Karlen
TRILOGY OF TERROR II
1996 (TV)
0
The tales, all starring Lysette Anthony, are The Graveyard Rats, Bobby and He Who Kills.
Doesn't quite match up to the first one, as all the stories are horribly stretched out (it's almost 20 minutes longer than its predecessor): the first tale meanders but reaches a juicy conclusion, the second has a good gothic ambience but, again, meanders, and the third is almost a straight remake of the original's killer doll tale. Likeable, but with greatly underwritten characters.
Dir: Dan Curtis
Stars: Lysette Anthony, Geraint Wyn Davies, Matt Clark
TRIO
1950
*
Three stories from the pen of Somerset Maugham: The Verger, Mr Know-all and Sanitorium.
The follow-up to Quartet (qv) is as enjoyable and cosy as its predecessor.
Dir: Ken Annakin, Harold French
Stars: Michael Hordern, Nigel Patrick, Wilfrid Hyde-White, Jean Simmons, Michael Rennie, James Hayter, Naunton Wayne, Andre Morell
THE TRIP
1967
*
A man's life is changed when he discovers LSD.
Very much a film of its time, this much-banned odyssey is probably best watched when in an 'altered' state of mind. Otherwise, critical comment is pointless.
Dir: Roger Corman
Stars: Peter Fonda, Susan Strasberg, Bruce Dern, Dennis Hopper
A TRIP TO THE MOON
1902
***
Scientists build a rocket and visit the Moon, where they find hostile life.
This famous, highly influential short film is more charming than ever over a hundred years later - its creator's sense of playfulness and sheer joy in moviemaking is absolutely evident. It's one of the pieces that simply must be seen for anyone with a serious interest in cinema.
Dir: Georges Melies
Stars: Georges Melies, Fancois Lallement, Jules-Eugene Legris
TRISTANA
1970
**
A bereaved young woman goes to live with her older guardian who has designs on her.
Bunuel's bitter treatise on illness, disability, dying and revenge is among his strongest work, and in Denueve and Rey he found the perfect outlets for his vision. Its complex study of human behaviour could be discussed at length.
Dir: Luis Bunuel
Stars: Catherine Denueve, Fernando Rey, Franco Nero
THE TRIUMPH OF SHERLOCK HOLMES
1935
*
Sherlock Holmes investigates the death of a police informant in a castle.
Creaky but clever Holmes yarn that's unusual in that the entire mid-section is in flashback and doesn't involve the detective. Wontner looks the part, displays plenty of enthusiasm and occasionally trips over his lines; it's a shame that his Holmes films have not been better preserved (and one is lost altogether).
Dir: Leslie S Hiscott
Stars: Arthur Wontner, Lyn Harding, Ian Fleming, Charles Mortimer
TRIUMPH OF THE WILL
1934
**
A film of the 1934 Nazi Party rally in Nuremberg.
The world's most famous example of filmmaking as powerful propaganda, this unique 'documentary' (it seems disingenuous to call it that when so much of it is staged) basks in stunningly shot images designed to inspire a sense of awe; viewing it 70 years later as anything other than a disturbing historical artefact it bores and is in need of a narrator, but as a testament to the only great female film director it still stands tall.
Dir: Leni Riefenstahl
Stars: Adolf Hitler
TROG
1970
0
A female scientist nurtures a creature that may be the missing link.
Nothing prepares you for this film's awfulness; its infamous reputation rests on the monster's suit, the meaningless plot, the dinosaur inserts and the unspeakable dialogue. Avoid.
Dir: Freddie Francis
Stars: Joan Crawford, Michael Gough, Bernard Kay, Thorley Walters
THE TROJAN WAR
1961
0
The story of events leading up to the building of the wooden horse.
Rotten mythological tale that's badly dubbed and reliant on scenes of fighting, which go on too long.
Dir: Giorgio Ferroni
Stars: Steve Reeves, John Drew Barrymore, Juliette Mayniel
TROMEO AND JULIET
1996
0
A punk version of Romeo And Juliet.
The usual Troma mess: brief moments of invention don't atone for the amateurish tedium.
Dir: Lloyd Kaufman
Stars: Jane Jensen, Will Keenan, Valentine Miele
TRON
1982
*
A hacker is literally sucked into the world of computer games.
A tad long and complicated, but this is a highly original fantasy with breath-taking, innovative special effects.
Dir: Steven Lisberger
Stars: Jeff Bridges, Bruce Boxleitner, David Warner, Cindy Morgan
TROP BELLE POUR TOI
1989
*
A card dealer with a beautiful wife is somehow attracted to his plain secretary.
Typical French romantic comedy which brings some freshness to an old theme.
Dir: Bertrand Blier
Stars: Gerard Depardieu, Josiane Balasko, Carole Bouquet
TROUBLE BREWING
1939
*
George tracks down criminals dealing in counterfeit money.
The usual sweet-natured Formby knockabout antics.
Dir: Anthony Kimmins
Stars: George Formby, Googie Withers, Gus McNaughton
TROUBLE IN PARADISE
1932
*
A gentleman thief and a lady pickpocket join forces to con a beautiful perfume company owner.
Much praised but past its best light comedy, quite sprightly to be sure, but also hard to care about or get involved in.
Dir: Ernst Lubitsch
Stars: Herbert Marshall, Miriam Hopkins, Kay Francis, Charlie Ruggles, Edward Everett Horton, C Aubrey Smith
THE TROUBLE WITH HARRY
1955
**
The inhabitants of a small town find it tricky to get rid of a man's dead body.
This may have been one of Hitchcock's favourites of his own pictures, but it's a curious, static black comedy, beautifully shot and scored, just a trifle dull at times.
Dir: Alfred Hitchcock
Stars: Edmund Gwenn, John Forsythe, Shirley MacLaine, Mildred Natwick
THE TRUE GLORY
1945
***
Documentary detailing the Allies' progress from D-day till the fall of Berlin.
Although perhaps superseded in future years by television documentaries, this is one of the most valuable accounts of the Second World War thanks to its numerous striking images, accounts of action by a wide variety of infantrymen (which sometimes sound a little grandiloquent) and the fact that it appeared so soon after the conflict. Remarkably fast cutting, it holds the eye and stirs the feelings.
Dir: Garson Kanin, Carol Reed
Narrator: Robert Harris
TRUE GRIT
2010
*
A teenage girl enlists a grizzled gunfighter to track down the man who killed her father.
Earnest remake of the John Wayne film, steeped in quality but not enormously entertaining, although it does improve after a very slow start.
Dir: Ethan Coen, Joel Coen
Stars: Jeff Bridges, Matt Damon, Hailee Steinfeld, Josh Brolin
TRUE IDENTITY
1991
*
An African-American disguises himself as a white man in order to escape the mob.
Much of the plot is daft and contrived, but this comedy thriller is diverting enough, providing a juicy part for the British star.
Dir: Charles Lane
Stars: Lenny Henry, Frank Langella, Charles Lane, Michael McKean
TRUE LIES
1994
*
A secret agent who goes on dangerous missions pretends to his wife he has a mundane day job.
Moderately diverting action comedy that lives because of Schwarzenegger and dies because of Schwarzenegger - he's unable to deliver anything except his usual tin-eared performance (in fact he's even worse than normal) but without him where would it be? There are stunts, there are special effects, there's some sexiness, there are jokes; fans will be satisfied.
Dir: James Cameron
Stars: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jamie Lee Curtis, Tom Arnold, Bill Paxton, Art Malik
TRUE ROMANCE
1993
**
Ruthless gangsters go on the trail of a couple of newlyweds who have stolen their cocaine.
Distinct, lilting thriller that gets better the longer it goes on. Scriptwriter Tarantino's marks are all over it like a rash.
Dir: Tony Scott
Stars: Christian Slater, Patricia Arquette, Val Kilmer, Dennis Hopper, Gary Oldman, Brad Pitt, Samuel L Jackson
THE TRUE STORY OF ESKIMO NELL
1975
0
Two cowboys search for a famous prostitute.
Fairly useless comic western, an overlong collection of mainly soporific scenes; the 1974 British film Eskimo Nell (qv) had much more fun with the original source material.
Dir: Richard Franklin
Stars: Max Gillies, Serge Lazareff, Abigail, Jerry Thomas
TRULY MADLY DEEPLY
1989
*
A woman's husband dies but soon returns to give her companionship.
Low key supernatural love story, all terribly English, some of it now appears mawkish and forced.
Dir: Anthony Minghella
Stars: Juliet Stevenson, Alan Rickman, Jenny Howe
THE TRUMAN SHOW
1998
****
An apparently ordinary man begins to realise he is actually the star of a television reality show that has a huge global audience.
Examined closely the scenario may not totally stand up, but this is Hollywood's greatest movie in many a year, a beautifully scripted, shot and scored fable that has appeal to both the masses and those with brains. Carrey's performance is amiable and understated and a perfect accompaniment to a genial and entertaining film which was prescient in its portrayal of the vampiric nature of reality television.
Dir: Peter Weir
Stars: Jim Carrey, Ed Harris, Laura Linney, Noah Emmerich, Natascha McElhone
TRILOGY OF TERROR
1975 (TV)
*
Three scary stories all starring Karen Black: Julie; Millicent And Therese; Amelia.
Fondly remembered but not great anthology; the first story is fairly intriguing, the second is a predictable slip of a tale, the third is a right laugh - lively, juicy horror.
Dir: Dan Curtis
Stars: Karen Black, Robert Burton, John Karlen
TRILOGY OF TERROR II
1996 (TV)
0
The tales, all starring Lysette Anthony, are The Graveyard Rats, Bobby and He Who Kills.
Doesn't quite match up to the first one, as all the stories are horribly stretched out (it's almost 20 minutes longer than its predecessor): the first tale meanders but reaches a juicy conclusion, the second has a good gothic ambience but, again, meanders, and the third is almost a straight remake of the original's killer doll tale. Likeable, but with greatly underwritten characters.
Dir: Dan Curtis
Stars: Lysette Anthony, Geraint Wyn Davies, Matt Clark
TRIO
1950
*
Three stories from the pen of Somerset Maugham: The Verger, Mr Know-all and Sanitorium.
The follow-up to Quartet (qv) is as enjoyable and cosy as its predecessor.
Dir: Ken Annakin, Harold French
Stars: Michael Hordern, Nigel Patrick, Wilfrid Hyde-White, Jean Simmons, Michael Rennie, James Hayter, Naunton Wayne, Andre Morell
THE TRIP
1967
*
A man's life is changed when he discovers LSD.
Very much a film of its time, this much-banned odyssey is probably best watched when in an 'altered' state of mind. Otherwise, critical comment is pointless.
Dir: Roger Corman
Stars: Peter Fonda, Susan Strasberg, Bruce Dern, Dennis Hopper
A TRIP TO THE MOON
1902
***
Scientists build a rocket and visit the Moon, where they find hostile life.
This famous, highly influential short film is more charming than ever over a hundred years later - its creator's sense of playfulness and sheer joy in moviemaking is absolutely evident. It's one of the pieces that simply must be seen for anyone with a serious interest in cinema.
Dir: Georges Melies
Stars: Georges Melies, Fancois Lallement, Jules-Eugene Legris
TRISTANA
1970
**
A bereaved young woman goes to live with her older guardian who has designs on her.
Bunuel's bitter treatise on illness, disability, dying and revenge is among his strongest work, and in Denueve and Rey he found the perfect outlets for his vision. Its complex study of human behaviour could be discussed at length.
Dir: Luis Bunuel
Stars: Catherine Denueve, Fernando Rey, Franco Nero
THE TRIUMPH OF SHERLOCK HOLMES
1935
*
Sherlock Holmes investigates the death of a police informant in a castle.
Creaky but clever Holmes yarn that's unusual in that the entire mid-section is in flashback and doesn't involve the detective. Wontner looks the part, displays plenty of enthusiasm and occasionally trips over his lines; it's a shame that his Holmes films have not been better preserved (and one is lost altogether).
Dir: Leslie S Hiscott
Stars: Arthur Wontner, Lyn Harding, Ian Fleming, Charles Mortimer
TRIUMPH OF THE WILL
1934
**
A film of the 1934 Nazi Party rally in Nuremberg.
The world's most famous example of filmmaking as powerful propaganda, this unique 'documentary' (it seems disingenuous to call it that when so much of it is staged) basks in stunningly shot images designed to inspire a sense of awe; viewing it 70 years later as anything other than a disturbing historical artefact it bores and is in need of a narrator, but as a testament to the only great female film director it still stands tall.
Dir: Leni Riefenstahl
Stars: Adolf Hitler
TROG
1970
0
A female scientist nurtures a creature that may be the missing link.
Nothing prepares you for this film's awfulness; its infamous reputation rests on the monster's suit, the meaningless plot, the dinosaur inserts and the unspeakable dialogue. Avoid.
Dir: Freddie Francis
Stars: Joan Crawford, Michael Gough, Bernard Kay, Thorley Walters
THE TROJAN WAR
1961
0
The story of events leading up to the building of the wooden horse.
Rotten mythological tale that's badly dubbed and reliant on scenes of fighting, which go on too long.
Dir: Giorgio Ferroni
Stars: Steve Reeves, John Drew Barrymore, Juliette Mayniel
THE TROLLENBERG TERROR
1958
*
A remote mountain resort in Switzerland is attacked by big eye-like creatures.
Adaptation of a successful TV serial does things on a slightly bigger budget, with some eeriness in its apparent Alpine setting and not-too-bad monsters; but it's rather talky and too many ideas hinder the flow of the story.
Dir: Quentin Lawrence
Stars: Forrest Tucker, Laurence Payne, Janet Munro, Warren Mitchell
TROMEO AND JULIET
1996
0
A punk version of Romeo And Juliet.
The usual Troma mess: brief moments of invention don't atone for the amateurish tedium.
Dir: Lloyd Kaufman
Stars: Jane Jensen, Will Keenan, Valentine Miele
TRON
1982
*
A hacker is literally sucked into the world of computer games.
A tad long and complicated, but this is a highly original fantasy with breath-taking, innovative special effects.
Dir: Steven Lisberger
Stars: Jeff Bridges, Bruce Boxleitner, David Warner, Cindy Morgan
TROP BELLE POUR TOI
1989
*
A card dealer with a beautiful wife is somehow attracted to his plain secretary.
Typical French romantic comedy which brings some freshness to an old theme.
Dir: Bertrand Blier
Stars: Gerard Depardieu, Josiane Balasko, Carole Bouquet
TROUBLE BREWING
1939
*
George tracks down criminals dealing in counterfeit money.
The usual sweet-natured Formby knockabout antics.
Dir: Anthony Kimmins
Stars: George Formby, Googie Withers, Gus McNaughton
TROUBLE IN PARADISE
1932
*
A gentleman thief and a lady pickpocket join forces to con a beautiful perfume company owner.
Much praised but past its best light comedy, quite sprightly to be sure, but also hard to care about or get involved in.
Dir: Ernst Lubitsch
Stars: Herbert Marshall, Miriam Hopkins, Kay Francis, Charlie Ruggles, Edward Everett Horton, C Aubrey Smith
THE TROUBLE WITH HARRY
1955
**
The inhabitants of a small town find it tricky to get rid of a man's dead body.
This may have been one of Hitchcock's favourites of his own pictures, but it's a curious, static black comedy, beautifully shot and scored, just a trifle dull at times.
Dir: Alfred Hitchcock
Stars: Edmund Gwenn, John Forsythe, Shirley MacLaine, Mildred Natwick
THE TRUE GLORY
1945
***
Documentary detailing the Allies' progress from D-day till the fall of Berlin.
Although perhaps superseded in future years by television documentaries, this is one of the most valuable accounts of the Second World War thanks to its numerous striking images, accounts of action by a wide variety of infantrymen (which sometimes sound a little grandiloquent) and the fact that it appeared so soon after the conflict. Remarkably fast cutting, it holds the eye and stirs the feelings.
Dir: Garson Kanin, Carol Reed
Narrator: Robert Harris
TRUE GRIT
2010
*
A teenage girl enlists a grizzled gunfighter to track down the man who killed her father.
Earnest remake of the John Wayne film, steeped in quality but not enormously entertaining, although it does improve after a very slow start.
Dir: Ethan Coen, Joel Coen
Stars: Jeff Bridges, Matt Damon, Hailee Steinfeld, Josh Brolin
TRUE IDENTITY
1991
*
An African-American disguises himself as a white man in order to escape the mob.
Much of the plot is daft and contrived, but this comedy thriller is diverting enough, providing a juicy part for the British star.
Dir: Charles Lane
Stars: Lenny Henry, Frank Langella, Charles Lane, Michael McKean
TRUE LIES
1994
*
A secret agent who goes on dangerous missions pretends to his wife he has a mundane day job.
Moderately diverting action comedy that lives because of Schwarzenegger and dies because of Schwarzenegger - he's unable to deliver anything except his usual tin-eared performance (in fact he's even worse than normal) but without him where would it be? There are stunts, there are special effects, there's some sexiness, there are jokes; fans will be satisfied.
Dir: James Cameron
Stars: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jamie Lee Curtis, Tom Arnold, Bill Paxton, Art Malik
TRUE ROMANCE
1993
**
Ruthless gangsters go on the trail of a couple of newlyweds who have stolen their cocaine.
Distinct, lilting thriller that gets better the longer it goes on. Scriptwriter Tarantino's marks are all over it like a rash.
Dir: Tony Scott
Stars: Christian Slater, Patricia Arquette, Val Kilmer, Dennis Hopper, Gary Oldman, Brad Pitt, Samuel L Jackson
THE TRUE STORY OF ESKIMO NELL
1975
0
Two cowboys search for a famous prostitute.
Fairly useless comic western, an overlong collection of mainly soporific scenes; the 1974 British film Eskimo Nell (qv) had much more fun with the original source material.
Dir: Richard Franklin
Stars: Max Gillies, Serge Lazareff, Abigail, Jerry Thomas
TRULY MADLY DEEPLY
1989
*
A woman's husband dies but soon returns to give her companionship.
Low key supernatural love story, all terribly English, some of it now appears mawkish and forced.
Dir: Anthony Minghella
Stars: Juliet Stevenson, Alan Rickman, Jenny Howe
THE TRUMAN SHOW
1998
****
An apparently ordinary man begins to realise he is actually the star of a television reality show that has a huge global audience.
Examined closely the scenario may not totally stand up, but this is Hollywood's greatest movie in many a year, a beautifully scripted, shot and scored fable that has appeal to both the masses and those with brains. Carrey's performance is amiable and understated and a perfect accompaniment to a genial and entertaining film which was prescient in its portrayal of the vampiric nature of reality television.
Dir: Peter Weir
Stars: Jim Carrey, Ed Harris, Laura Linney, Noah Emmerich, Natascha McElhone
TRUST
1990
*
A pregnant girl, who is blamed by her mother for her husband's death, meets a graduate with a talent for fixing broken tech.
The director's not dissimilar follow-up to The Unbelievable Truth (qv) isn't quite as fresh and successful - it's an unfortunate 15 minutes longer for starters - but still provides some smiles and nods as the distinct characters go about their business; conversations take believable, rhythmic paths even if the context is unusual. Some time before the end, though, your patience is being a little tried, in part because you wonder what the director was intending to say and what he wants you to make of it.
Dir: Hal Hartley
Stars: Adrienne Shelly, Martin Donovan, Rebecca Nelson
2006
**
Two men fight to save their respective relationships.
Smart comedy drama which provides the audience with plenty of characters to empathise with.
Dir: Bart Freundlich
Stars: David Duchovny, Julianne Moore, Billy Crudup, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Ellen Barkin, Gary Shandling
THE TRUTH ABOUT CHARLIE
2002
0
A widow meets a man who claims that he owes her a large amount of money.
Abysmal remake of Charade. How do films like this get made?
Dir: Jonathan Demme
Stars: Mark Wahlberg, Thandie Newton, Tim Robbins
TSOTSI
2005
*
A street thug in South Africa is forced to take a tiny baby into his care.
A film that drags you out of your comfortable world into its own, and what an amoral, frightening world it is. On a dramatic level it starts with several jolts before the pace and violence begin to diminish.
Dir: Gavin Hood
Stars: Presley Chweneyagae, Terry Pheto, Kenneth Nkosi
TUBE TALES
1999 (TV)
0
Short stories set around the London Underground: Rosebud, Horny, My Father The Liar, Grasshopper, Mouth, Mr Cool, A Bird In The Hand, Steal Away and Bone.
Disappointing anthology: most of the tales are glum, humourless and dispiriting. Foul-mouthed and dreary, the film portrays Tube staff as fascist dictators and doesn't even bother to get the Underground's geography right.
Dir: Gaby Dellal et al
Stars: Jason Flemyng, Dexter Fletcher, Kelly Macdonald, Simon Pegg, Sean Pertwee, Liz Smith, Denise Van Outen, Rachel Weisz, Ray Winstone
TUMMY TROUBLE
1989
***
Roger Rabbit has to take Baby Herman to hospital after he swallows his rattle.
Brilliantly inventive short that’s as inspired as the cartoon that begins Who Framed Roger Rabbit, only this time it’s not interrupted.
Dir: Rob Minkoff
Voices: Charles Fleischer, April Winchell, Kathleen Turner
THE TUNNEL
1935
0
Problems beset the building of a tunnel which will link up Britain and America.
Unrealistic and undramatic British sci-fi that has dated badly.
Dir: Maurice Elvey
Stars: Richard Dix, Leslie Banks, Walter Huston
TURKEY SHOOT
1983
0
Prisoners are forced to participate in a deadly game of survival if they want freedom.
A cheap thrill: a savage variant on The Most Dangerous Game that fell foul of the British censors. It must have seemed exciting back then; now it just looks cheesy.
Dir: Brian Trenchard-Smith
Stars: Steve Railsback, Olivia Hussey, Michael Craig, Carmen Duncan
TURKISH DELIGHT
1973
**
A sculptor has a stormy relationship with a headstrong girl.
A popular film in its own country, an art house/semi porno presentation here, this exhibits the weird Dutch sense of humour, which can be gruesomely fascinating.
Dir: Paul Verhoeven
Stars: Rutger Hauer, Monique van de Ven
TURN THE KEY SOFTLY
1953
*
Three women are released from prison at 8am; we follow their first day out.
Extensive - and skilful - location shooting of London somewhere near its historical all-time high is a major part of this agreeable drama that somewhat curiously switches to a hitherto minor male character for most of its climactic scenes, which resemble the finale of Oliver Twist. A little contrived and unconvincing but quite involving; and thankfully the cute dog survives.
Dir: Jack Lee
Stars: Yvonne Mitchell, Joan Collins, Kathleen Harrison, Terence Morgan
TURNABOUT
1940
0
A man and wife swap bodies for a day.
Promising but disappointing screwball comedy that doesn't get to its gimmick till almost 40 minutes in (after lots of rather random scenes), and then illogically swaps their clothes and unwisely swaps their voices; the results might have been spicy for the time but to make the most of this storyline it'd have to be made at least 30 years later. Landis is lovely - why oh why did she end up killing herself?
Dir: Hal Roach
Stars: Carole Landis, John Hubbard, Adolphe Menjou
THE TURNING POINT
1977
*
A mother of a promising ballerina feels ghosts of the past creeping up on her.
Ballet lovers will obviously get most out of this, but human drama does intrude, and sometimes gives the two fine lead actresses the chance to let rip, particularly during the very nicely lit scene outside the concert hall towards the end. Not a resounding winner of a movie, but a civilised one.
Dir: Herbert Ross
Stars: Shirley MacLaine, Anne Bancroft, Tom Skerritt, Leslie Browne, Mikhail Baryshnikov
TWELFTH NIGHT
1995
*
An identical brother and sister are washed up on foreign shores after a shipwreck.
Slightly stodgy Shakespeare adaptation in which the distinguished cast do their best to liven things up but don't always succeed.
Dir: Trevor Nunn
Stars: Helena Bonham Carter, Nigel Hawthorne, Imogen Stubbs, Ben Kingsley, Mel Smith, Richard E Grant, Imelda Staunton
12 ANGRY MEN
1957
****
Twelve jurors debate a case of murder; initially only one wants to deliver a not guilty verdict, but he gradually manages to persuade the other men.
It's difficult to see how a better film could ever be made of this thought-provoking, eternally relevant play; although set almost entirely in one room, it is shot in such a way as to continually offer variety and vibrancy, with outstanding ensemble performances from a flawless cast making it one of cinema's most unique and spellbinding experiences. Any number of repeat viewings only confirm its sheer unmatched brilliance.
Dir: Sidney Lumet
Stars: Henry Fonda, Lee J Cobb, Ed Begley, E G Marshall, Martin Balsam, Jack Klugman, John Fiedler, Jack Warden, George Voskovec, Robert Webber, Edward Binns, Joseph Sweeney
12 ANGRY MEN
1997 (TV)
**
A solid remake that also boasts fine performances; it sticks closely to the original script, interjecting a couple of select modernisations. What is brought home to the viewer is that the story is perennially excellent, truly something you can't turn away from.
Dir: William Friedkin
Stars: Jack Lemmon, George C Scott, Hume Cronyn, Edward James Olmos
TWELVE MONKEYS
1995
*
In a devastated future world, a convict is sent back in time to gather information on the virus that almost wiped out the entire planet.
One of those tiresome films that thinks itself clever by having an unintelligible story and a cacophonous soundtrack, and takes matters far too seriously.
Dir: Terry Gilliam
Stars: Bruce Willis, Madeleine Stowe, Brad Pitt
TWELVE O'CLOCK HIGH
1949
*
American pilots stationed in England in World War Two are whipped into shape by a tough new general.
Hard, cold war drama largely consisting of long talk scenes, and when flying action comes towards the end much of it is stock footage; a film of some quality but one that's difficult to take to heart (military types might like it most).
Dir: Henry King
Stars: Gregory Peck, Hugh Marlowe, Gary Merrill, Dean Jagger
THE TURNING POINT
1977
*
A mother of a promising ballerina feels ghosts of the past creeping up on her.
Ballet lovers will obviously get most out of this, but human drama does intrude, and sometimes gives the two fine lead actresses the chance to let rip, particularly during the very nicely lit scene outside the concert hall towards the end. Not a resounding winner of a movie, but a civilised one.
Dir: Herbert Ross
Stars: Shirley MacLaine, Anne Bancroft, Tom Skerritt, Leslie Browne, Mikhail Baryshnikov
TWELFTH NIGHT
1995
*
An identical brother and sister are washed up on foreign shores after a shipwreck.
Slightly stodgy Shakespeare adaptation in which the distinguished cast do their best to liven things up but don't always succeed.
Dir: Trevor Nunn
Stars: Helena Bonham Carter, Nigel Hawthorne, Imogen Stubbs, Ben Kingsley, Mel Smith, Richard E Grant, Imelda Staunton
12 ANGRY MEN
1957
****
Twelve jurors debate a case of murder; initially only one wants to deliver a not guilty verdict, but he gradually manages to persuade the other men.
It's difficult to see how a better film could ever be made of this thought-provoking, eternally relevant play; although set almost entirely in one room, it is shot in such a way as to continually offer variety and vibrancy, with outstanding ensemble performances from a flawless cast making it one of cinema's most unique and spellbinding experiences. Any number of repeat viewings only confirm its sheer unmatched brilliance.
Dir: Sidney Lumet
Stars: Henry Fonda, Lee J Cobb, Ed Begley, E G Marshall, Martin Balsam, Jack Klugman, John Fiedler, Jack Warden, George Voskovec, Robert Webber, Edward Binns, Joseph Sweeney
12 ANGRY MEN
1997 (TV)
**
A solid remake that also boasts fine performances; it sticks closely to the original script, interjecting a couple of select modernisations. What is brought home to the viewer is that the story is perennially excellent, truly something you can't turn away from.
Dir: William Friedkin
Stars: Jack Lemmon, George C Scott, Hume Cronyn, Edward James Olmos
TWELVE MONKEYS
1995
*
In a devastated future world, a convict is sent back in time to gather information on the virus that almost wiped out the entire planet.
One of those tiresome films that thinks itself clever by having an unintelligible story and a cacophonous soundtrack, and takes matters far too seriously.
Dir: Terry Gilliam
Stars: Bruce Willis, Madeleine Stowe, Brad Pitt
TWELVE O'CLOCK HIGH
1949
*
American pilots stationed in England in World War Two are whipped into shape by a tough new general.
Hard, cold war drama largely consisting of long talk scenes, and when flying action comes towards the end much of it is stock footage; a film of some quality but one that's difficult to take to heart (military types might like it most).
Dir: Henry King
Stars: Gregory Peck, Hugh Marlowe, Gary Merrill, Dean Jagger
12 TO THE MOON
1960
0
An international expedition to the Moon encounters alien intelligence there.
Shot in a week or so, and looking like it, this is a mostly inert sci-fi flick with a galaxy full of absurdities.
Dir: David Bradley
Stars: Ken Clark, Michi Kobi, Tom Conway, Anthony Dexter
12 YEARS A SLAVE
2013
**
A free black man from New York is abducted and sold into slavery.
Considering this was such a critically lauded film it's something of a disappointment to discover that it doesn't do much that is particularly surprising or radical: what it does do for every minute of its running time is tell you that slavery was a very, very bad thing, and those that operated it were evil incarnate. It has qualities of course, but is lacking in real drama - the director's insistence on many long, lingering shots don't help - and another problem is that we modern audiences know that everything about slavery is reprehensible, so there's not as if there's any grey area about the scenario that we can debate. Performances are predictably solid but Brad Pitt's character appears to have come from 100 years into the future so enlightened is he.
Dir: Steve McQueen
Stars: Chiwetel Ejiofor, Michael Fassbender, Michael K Williams, Brad Pitt
20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA
1954
***
A ship sent to investigate a series of mysterious sinkings encounters a sophisticated submarine run by a stern captain.
Engaging fantasy with strong performances, one of Disney's very best live action pictures.
Dir: Richard Fleischer
Stars: Kirk Douglas, James Mason, Paul Lukas, Peter Lorre
28 DAYS LATER
2002
*
A hospital patient awakes to discover that most of London has been wiped out and zombies roam the land.
Glum horror which begins promisingly but then offers little that's new, a threadbare plot and exceptional nastiness.
Dir: Danny Boyle
Stars: Cillian Murphy, Christopher Eccleston, Naomie Harris
28 WEEKS LATER
2007
*
London is overrun by zombies after a containment plan goes wrong.
Decent sequel that once again piles on the unpleasantness in shots of less than half a second long, which makes for a dizzying experience. Only really thrilling in short stabs – including the helicopters vs zombies sequence – it has the familiar modern horror problem of characters that you don’t feel for, least of all the infected.
Dir: Juan Carlos Fresnadillo
Stars: Robert Carlyle, Rose Byrne, Jeremy Renner, Imogen Poots
24 HOUR PARTY PEOPLE
2001
**
A TV presenter sets up an influential music label in Manchester.
Quirky and thankfully unpretentious true life drama which provides Coogan with his best non-Partridge role yet.
Dir: Michael Winterbottom
Stars: Steve Coogan, John Thomson, Paddy Considine, John Simm
20 MILLION MILES TO EARTH
1957
*
Following man’s first trip to Venus, a scaly monster is accidentally brought back to Earth.
Simplistic creature feature which is little more than an advert for Ray Harryhausen’s considerable talents, and his special effects still impress today, more or less. There’s nothing hugely original about it apart from the Italian setting but it’s generally harmless fun.
Dir: Nathan Juran
Stars: William Hopper, Joan Taylor, Frank Puglia
12 YEARS A SLAVE
2013
**
A free black man from New York is abducted and sold into slavery.
Considering this was such a critically lauded film it's something of a disappointment to discover that it doesn't do much that is particularly surprising or radical: what it does do for every minute of its running time is tell you that slavery was a very, very bad thing, and those that operated it were evil incarnate. It has qualities of course, but is lacking in real drama - the director's insistence on many long, lingering shots don't help - and another problem is that we modern audiences know that everything about slavery is reprehensible, so there's not as if there's any grey area about the scenario that we can debate. Performances are predictably solid but Brad Pitt's character appears to have come from 100 years into the future so enlightened is he.
Dir: Steve McQueen
Stars: Chiwetel Ejiofor, Michael Fassbender, Michael K Williams, Brad Pitt
24x36: A MOVIE ABOUT MOVIE POSTERS
2016
*
Documentary about movie poster art over the decades.
There's a bit of history about the golden days of the illustrated film poster here, but more time is taken up with the [promotional-feeling] study of modern-day artists who do commissions for mainly older movies - many works are excellent, but lack the charm and vividity of the originals. Perhaps less time should have been given to this aspect, but this is an easily watchable film for those with an interest in the subject.
Dir: Kevin Burke
20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA
1954
***
A ship sent to investigate a series of mysterious sinkings encounters a sophisticated submarine run by a stern captain.
Engaging fantasy with strong performances, one of Disney's very best live action pictures.
Dir: Richard Fleischer
Stars: Kirk Douglas, James Mason, Paul Lukas, Peter Lorre
28 DAYS LATER
2002
*
A hospital patient awakes to discover that most of London has been wiped out and zombies roam the land.
Glum horror which begins promisingly but then offers little that's new, a threadbare plot and exceptional nastiness.
Dir: Danny Boyle
Stars: Cillian Murphy, Christopher Eccleston, Naomie Harris
28 WEEKS LATER
2007
*
London is overrun by zombies after a containment plan goes wrong.
Decent sequel that once again piles on the unpleasantness in shots of less than half a second long, which makes for a dizzying experience. Only really thrilling in short stabs – including the helicopters vs zombies sequence – it has the familiar modern horror problem of characters that you don’t feel for, least of all the infected.
Dir: Juan Carlos Fresnadillo
Stars: Robert Carlyle, Rose Byrne, Jeremy Renner, Imogen Poots
24 HOUR PARTY PEOPLE
2001
**
A TV presenter sets up an influential music label in Manchester.
Quirky and thankfully unpretentious true life drama which provides Coogan with his best non-Partridge role yet.
Dir: Michael Winterbottom
Stars: Steve Coogan, John Thomson, Paddy Considine, John Simm
20 MILLION MILES TO EARTH
1957
*
Following man’s first trip to Venus, a scaly monster is accidentally brought back to Earth.
Simplistic creature feature which is little more than an advert for Ray Harryhausen’s considerable talents, and his special effects still impress today, more or less. There’s nothing hugely original about it apart from the Italian setting but it’s generally harmless fun.
Dir: Nathan Juran
Stars: William Hopper, Joan Taylor, Frank Puglia
TWENTY-NINE
1969
*
A young man struggles to remember what nefarious activities he got up to the night before.
Canny short, attractively restored by the BFI for their Short Sharp Shocks Blu-ray, that makes good use of the talented Kanner, so terrific in The Prisoner a couple of years previously. His character represents the freedom of the Western male in the mid-to-late 20th century, as he goes from bar to bar and woman to woman, unconcerned by the consequences: it is a film that engenders much empathy in some of us. And it has a twist at the end.
Dir: Brian Cummins
Stars: Alexis Kanner, Justine Lord, Susan Hunt, Yootha Joyce
THE 27TH DAY
1957
*
An alien gives five people the power to end life on Earth, if they wish.
This brassy sci-fi drama is certainly ambitious, with its musings on the human race's capacity for doing bad things, but it's probably over-ambitious: it's unwise to treat it a serious contribution to the debate on what we've got wrong on our planet. It is, however, painless fun and its effort is never wan.
Dir: William Asher
Stars: Gene Barry, Valerie French, George Voskovec, Arnold Moss
THE £20,000 KISS
1962
*
A politician is blackmailed after he is caught in an embrace with a woman not his wife-to-be.
Another Edgar Wallace Mystery with an almost absurdly hectic and convoluted plot, this is at least a little more focused than some, watchable till the last of its crazy plot twists. These second features, shown on television for many years, did much to colour popular perception of crime drama and its various tropes.
Dir: John Moxey
Stars: Dawn Addams, Michael Goodliffe, Richard Thorp, Anthony Newlands
23 PACES TO BAKER STREET
1956
*
A blind playwright in London overhears a murder being planned.
Attractively set up but edgeless thriller which Hitchcock could have made a classic of. As it is, the wintry '50s London locations atone a little.
Dir: Henry Hathaway
Stars: Van Johnson, Vera Miles, Cecil Parker, Maurice Denham
TWICE BITTEN
1978
0
Female vampires earn cash as prostitutes.
Incompetent trash sold as something naughty but containing just one very long, very boring sex scene.
Dir: Cirio H Santiago
Stars: John Carradine, Karen Stride, Katie Dolan
TWICE ROUND THE DAFFODILS
1962
*
Life in a sanatorium for six men.
A gentle and often quite serious comic drama from the Carry On main men, this relaxed film may not set the world alight but leaves you with a little warm glow inside because of its affectionate portrayal of a secure and serene environment populated by decent men and women.
Dir: Gerald Thomas
Stars: Kenneth Williams, Juliet Mills, Donald Sinden, Lance Percival, Donald Houston, Andrew Ray, Ronald Lewis, Joan Sims, Jill Ireland, Sheila Hancock, Nanette Newman
TWICE-TOLD TALES
1963
*
Three horror stories based on the writings of Nathaniel Hawthorne: Dr Heidegger's Experiment, Rappaccini's Daughter and The House Of The Seven Gables.
Low budget, confined-to-studio anthology done in an old fashioned style, perhaps a little too long. The first tale is silly but fun (with the finest image of the movie, the skeleton in the wedding dress), the second is even more daft but has some eccentric appeal, the third is predictable, and even though it's a vastly truncated version of a novel seems sluggish.
Dir: Sidney Salkow
Stars: Vincent Price, Sebastian Cabot, Beverly Garland, Richard Denning
TWICE TWO
1933
**
Stan and Ollie have married each other's sisters; they have a party to celebrate their wedding anniversaries but all goes horribly wrong.
The attraction here is the originality of the idea and the way it is executed via trick photography and the boys in drag, rather than the mostly routine gags (though the fly spray material is quite off-kilter). Still, average Laurel and Hardy is better than most other comedians' best.
Dir: James Parrott
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Charlie Hall
TWILIGHT ZONE: THE MOVIE
1983
*
Four spooky stories.
The series was one of the greatest seen in the early days of television, and this movie, loaded with talent as it is, is mildly disappointing in comparison. Perhaps if three of the tales had not been remakes of originals it would have had more bite; as it is, the prologue in the car and the last tale, featuring Lithgow as a terrified airplane passenger, are the most effective parts of it.
Dir: John Landis, Steven Spielberg, Joe Dante, George Miller
Stars: Dan Aykroyd, Vic Morrow, Kathleen Quinlan, John Lithgow, Scatman Crothers, Kevin McCarthy
TWIN PEAKS: FIRE WALK WITH ME
1993
0
An FBI agent investigates a girl's disappearance.
Incomprehensible, pretentious and interminable garbage; they should have given out 'I Survived Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me' T-shirts to those who did.
Dir: David Lynch
Stars: Sheryl Lee, Madchen Amick, David Bowie, Heather Graham
TWINS OF EVIL
1971
*
Beautiful twins go to stay with their puritanical uncle but one comes under the influence of a vampire in a nearby castle.
A lively, bloody climax follows 80 minutes of just about up-to-par, olde worlde horror antics given gravitas by Cushing’s fine performance as a woman-burning Puritan and spice by the titular twins. It’s interesting to note that it was only a very small window in history that produced these kinds of likeable features (this was the loose third in Hammer’s Karnstein trilogy, preceded by The Vampire Lovers and Lust For A Vampire, both qv).
Dir: John Hough
Stars: Peter Cushing, Mary Collinson, Madeleine Collinson, Dennis Price, Luan Peters
TWISTED NERVE
1968
*
A young man with a split personality may be a murderer.
Underwhelming suspenser, flabbily and unconvincingly developed, also rather sick.
Dir: Roy Boulting
Stars: Hayley Mills, Hywel Bennett, Billie Whitelaw, Frank Finlay, Barry Foster
TWO EVIL EYES
1990
*
A pair of horror stories: The Facts In The Case Of Mr Valdemar and The Black Cat.
Stylish shocker based on tales by Edgar Allan Poe (see also Tales Of Terror), it might have benefited from being a little shorter.
Dir: George A Romero, Dario Argento
Stars: Adrienne Barbeau, E G Marshall, Harvey Keitel, Kim Hunter
THE TWO FACES OF DR JEKYLL
1960
*
A doctor accidentally unleashes the dark side of his nature.
Fair to middling Hammer adaptation which cheats by not showing the actual transformation from the bearded Jekyll to the clean-shaven Hyde (Gillette would love the secret). While making Mr Hyde the suave one is a fun twist, the movie is too colourful and brightly lit to induce creepiness, although some of the bad behaviour is quite naughty for the time. A Blu-ray of the film further exposes the bad make-up on Massie before he transforms; it also includes a few moments previously snipped by the censor.
Dir: Terence Fisher
Stars: Paul Massie, Christopher Lee, Dawn Addams, David Kossoff, Oliver Reed
TWO FEMALE SPIES WITH FLOWERED PANTIES
1980
0
A pair of female convicts are pardoned so they can perform secret service work.
More madness from the mind of one of Spain's wackiest and non-classically trained directors, this is a bit of a mess that's for acolytes only (aren't they all?).
Dir: Jess Franco
Stars: Lina Romay, Nadine Pascal, Olivier Mathot
TWO-LANE BLACKTOP
1971
0
A drag-racer and his mechanic drive across the American Southwest.
The first thing this taciturn film wants to be is cool, the second thing is to be boring, deliberately; it's remarkable that a movie about fast cars could be so inert and lethargic, though it is shot with panache. The two singing stars look good and give out the vibe the makers so keenly wished for, while their characters remain one-dimensional - again, deliberately. It will continue to divide audiences into those who find it profound, and those who just find it numbing and pretentious. With its attitude and strong language, it's very different to what viewers would have been accustomed to just a few years before.
Dir: Monte Hellman
Stars: James Taylor, Warren Oates, Laurie Bird, Dennis Wilson
TWO MOON JUNCTION
1989
0
A well-to-do debutante about to be married has a passionate fling with a carnival worker.
Vacuous erotic drama with more preaching than excitement, although the climactic disrobing is undeniably memorable.
Dir: Zalman King
Stars: Sherilyn Fenn, Richard Tyson, Burt Ives
TWO MULES FOR SISTER SARA
1969
0
A nun is rescued from trouble by a drifting cowboy.
Patchy western with some star quality.
Dir: Don Siegel
Stars: Clint Eastwood, Shirley MacLaine, Manuel Fabregas
TWO OF US
2000 (TV)
*
An imagined version of what happened between John Lennon and Paul McCartney when they met for the last time in New York in 1976.
The idea is a nice one, but to fully succeed this TV movie would have to have been brilliantly scripted and brilliantly acted, and in both areas it falls short – the writing is patchy and often doesn’t ring true and the two actors, especially Lennon’s impersonator, fail to convincingly mimic their men. That said, it’s always a tough job to satisfy Beatles fans (who will be the main audience here), and the film is a decent enough watch, conjuring up wistful thoughts of the Fabs and their towering standing in popular culture.
Dir: Michael Lindsay-Hogg
Stars: Aidan Quinn, Jared Harris
TWO ORPHAN VAMPIRES
1997
0
Two vampire girls are blind by day but can see at night when they go on the prowl.
Regrettably boring chiller which draws out an extremely slim plot to great length through lots of scenes where very little happens.
Dir: Jean Rollin
Stars: Alexandra Pic, Isabelle Teboul, Bernard Charnace
TWO TARS
1928
**
Two sailors, spurred by on by their girlfriends, start a huge ruckus in a traffic jam.
Highly regarded short whose escalation of road rage is expertly executed while never reaching the sort of hilarity pinnacle that they would soon hit, when sound arrived.
Dir: James Parrott
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Edgar Kennedy, Charlie Hall
2019: AFTER THE FALL OF NEW YORK
1983
0
Survivors of a nuclear apocalypse search for the only woman who is still fertile.
Trashy Italian action pic which much borrowing from others; gory, silly and badly acted, it's frequently unintentionally hilarious - the scene with the suicidal dwarf being the pick.
Dir: Sergio Martino
Stars: Michael Sopkiw, Valentine Monnier, George Eastman
2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY
1968
****
Man seeks to discover the mystery behind an object buried on the moon.
Kubrick's masterwork is an experience on a totally different level to other films, one that creates a truly unique and strange atmosphere, an arthouse flick that manages to get away with it: its commercial success was the result of being in tune with the times and yet it is future-proofed thanks to the use of classical music, peerless model work and superlative cinematography, which burns imagery onto the retinas. Like viewing a Shakespeare play, it is probably necessary to understand what it's about to fully appreciate its qualities, but at the same time it may also be extraordinarily hypnotic when viewing it in some sort of altered state.
Dir: Stanley Kubrick
Stars: Keir Dullea, Gary Lockwood, William Sylvester, Leonard Rossiter, Ed Bishop
2001 MANIACS
2005
0
Teenagers end up getting a slice of Southern hospitality.
Rough remake of Lewis's film with added sex, plus murders that are even more graphic than before; there's no tension and don't expect anything like characterisation or sense, but modern horror is often a lot more grim and unwatchable than this kooky brew.
Dir: Tim Sullivan
Stars: Robert Englund, Lin Shaye, Giuseppe Andrews, Jay Gillespie
2010
1984
*
A joint American-Soviet space expedition heads to Jupiter.
Dry, hollow sequel with a minimum of wonderment.
Dir: Peter Hyams
Stars: Roy Scheider, John Lithgow, Helen Mirren, Bob Balaban, Keir Dullea
TWO THOUSAND MANIACS
1964
0
People are lured to a Centennial celebration and gruesomely butchered.
Tiresome slice of bloody nonsense that sets its gore to corny country music.
Dir: Herschell Gordon Lewis
Stars: Thomas Wood, Connie Mason, Jeffrey Allen
TWO WAY STRETCH
1960
**
Prisoners plan the perfect crime - to commit a robbery while still in jail.
Good-natured and pleasantly amusing comedy, the kind that would vanish from Britain in the succeeding decades. The cast is first class and the movie manages to be quite suspenseful as well as funny - it's definitely one to pass a wet Sunday afternoon.
Dir: Robert Day
Stars: Peter Sellers, David Lodge, Bernard Cribbins, Wilfrid Hyde-White, Maurice Denham, Lionel Jeffries, Irene Handl, Liz Fraser, Beryl Reid
THE TWONKY
1953
0
A man is given a TV set which walks and tries to control his life.
Would-be satirical comedy shot in a couple of rooms that doesn't do enough with its intriguing concept, and it's annoying how the TV never actually shows any programmes. You can't imagine that its silly antics encouraged paying punters to keep going to the cinema as opposed to staying in watching telly.
Dir: Arch Oboler
Stars: Hans Conreid, William H Lynn, Gloria Blondell
