1960
*
A thug kills a policeman and goes on the run with his American girlfriend.
A film said to be one of the most influential of the French New Wave, and certainly one that's among the most irritating films ever, as the obnoxious, cigarette-obsessed 'hero' wanders around spouting drivel to his dopey, beautiful lady friend while we pray that his capture will not be long coming.
Dir: Jean-Luc Godard
Stars: Jean-Paul Belmondo, Jean Seberg
A-HAUNTING WE WILL GO
1942
*
Gangsters chase Laurel and Hardy round a theatre while Dante the Magician does his show.
Made near the beginning of their decline, this nevertheless has some amusing moments, most notably those featuring magic tricks, which are genuinely impressive.
Dir: Alfred Werker
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Dante
A NOUS LA LIBERTE
1931
**
Two convicts escape from jail; one falls in love and one becomes the owner of a factory.
Unusual, distinctive musical comedy that's a little wearisome at times but is made with some flair and is thankfully quite short; knowingly left wing, you could say its politics have dated more than its modernist production design.
Dir: Rene Clair
Stars: Raymond Cordy, Henri Marchand, Rolla France, Paul Ollivier
THE ABANDONED
2006
0
A woman makes the mistake of returning to Russia to discover her origins.
Shaggy dog horror that takes itself very seriously and after much angst descends into a choppy, dank whirlpool. The unsympathetic heroine spends almost the entire time wandering about with a pensive or frightened look on her face.
Dir: Nacho Cerda
Stars: Anastasia Hille, Karel Roden, Valentin Ganev
ABBA: THE MOVIE
1977
0
Painful semi-documentary about a reporter’s efforts to get time with the Swedish chart-toppers, redeemed by the well known tunes.
Dir: Lasse Hallstrom
Stars: Abba
ABBOTT AND COSTELLO GO TO MARS
1953
0
A pair of workmen accidentally end up on a rocket bound for Mars.
Bud and Lou don't go to Mars but in a strange and quirky tale they do go first to New Orleans, where the fact that every single person they meet is wearing a large paper-mache head gives it a most unusual vibe (and the pair of lookalike criminals adds to the weirdness), and then to Venus where they encounter scores of beautiful women, making this a kid's film with something for the dads. It's rarely actually funny but it does seem quite a cosy and in a way comforting movie.
Dir: Charles Lamont
Stars: Bud Abbott, Lou Costello, Robert Paige, Mari BlanchardABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET DR JEKYLL AND MR HYDE
1953
0
In Victorian London, two inept policemen go after a monster.
Predictable horror comedy whose humour has somewhat dated.
Dir: Charles Lamont
Stars: Bud Abbott, Lou Costello, Boris Karloff
ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET FRANKENSTEIN
1948
**
Two railway porters come across Frankenstein’s monster, Dracula and the Wolf Man.
Abbott and Costello’s best film; a lively horror spoof with routines that work well and solid performances all round.
Dir: Charles Barton
Stars: Bud Abbott, Lou Costello, Bela Lugosi, Lon Chaney Jr
ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET THE INVISIBLE MAN
1951
0
Two inept detectives get involved with an invisible boxer.
Not their worst effort - a few laughs and decent special effects.
Dir: Charles Lamont
Stars: Bud Abbott, Lou Costello, Arthur Franz
ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET THE KILLER, BORIS KARLOFF
1948
0
Two bellboys investigate murders at a remote hotel.
Inferior follow up to ‘…Meet Frankenstein’, with corny jokes, no monsters and very little Karloff.
Dir: Charles Barton
Stars: Bud Abbott, Lou Costello, Boris Karloff
ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET THE MUMMY
1955
0
A mummy comes alive to wreck havoc on our boys.
Taxing Abbott and Costello farce, one of their last together.
Dir: Charles Lamont
Stars: Bud Abbott, Lou Costello, Kurt Katch
THE ABC OF LOVE AND SEX: AUSTRALIA STYLE
1978
0
Documentary purporting to offer sex education advice.
There's more than a whiff of Ozploitation about this fragmentary film that doesn't take things too seriously; modern viewers might be surprised that much of it, including the H for Homosexuality section, are fairly 'progressive', but there's plenty that is in good old Seventies sleazy style. Perhaps it goes on a bit though, even though a few letters are missed out (including, inexplicably, V).
Dir: John D Lamond
Narrators: Sandy Gore, Michael Cole
THE ABCS OF DEATH
2012
**
Twenty-six horror vignettes created by 26 different directors from 15 countries who were each given $5,000 and freedom to make whatever they liked.
Yes this is a flawed movie but it's also quite a fascinating one: at its best - including X for XXL (gruesome and satirical), T for Toilet (clever claymation), W for WTF? (beguilingly bonkers), N for Nupitals (cute and witty) - it's splendidly imaginative and visually plush, and even the more extreme sequences have some sort of merit as they push the various envelopes of different countries. There are of course some duds, but the main problem is that there's too much of it and it feels relentless: perhaps the future for this film is for little bits of it to be consumed individually on the internet at different times. The basic ingredients - sex, gore and shocks - are certainly there for what a good horror film should be.
Dir/Stars: Many
THE ABCS OF DEATH 2
2014
*
The same recipe as the previous film. Sequences include: a woman looking out her window to see a brutal murder taking place in every window in the flats opposite; a woman being tried for murder by those she killed who are now zombies; a man who does well on an intelligence test having his brain put into a gorilla's head.
As before, a compendium of modern horror for the more open-minded fan, with some really winning instalments (D, Q, S) and some stinkers (G, J, P), but a generally high production standard: most are stylishly shot and exhibit a lot of imagination. But many will hate it, either because of the viciousness or the goofiness, or because these two things frequently alternate with one another.
Dir/Stars: Many
ABDUCTED
1973
0
Two hillbillies abduct and imprison passing girls.
The original title, Schoolgirls In Chains, gives a better idea of what this depraved Psycho/Texas Chainsaw amalgam is like, a grim tale with a strangely inappropriate soundtrack.
Dir: Don Jones
Stars: Gary Kent, John Parker, Suzanne Lund
THE ABOMINABLE DR PHIBES
1971
*
A disfigured genius kills the surgeons who failed to save his wife’s life.
Appealing but faltering horror comedy with a simple plot simply presented: it rigidly alternates between Phibes' dastardly deeds and the police investigation into them, and despite quirky set design, never really catches fire. It's also a shame that Price doesn't get to speak much or properly in the role (he says more in the sequel, Dr Phibes Rises Again (qv)).
Dir: Robert Fuest
Stars: Vincent Price, Joseph Cotton, Terry-Tomas, Hugh Griffith, Susan Travers
ABOUT A BOY
2002
0
A single man develops a friendship with an eccentric 12-year-old.
Comedy drama which suffers from the same problems as the book - lack of sympathetic characters and a weak, slightly odd plot. Nice soundtrack, though.
Dir: Chris and Paul Weitz
Stars: Hugh Grant, Nicholas Hoult, Rachel Weisz, Toni Collette
ABOUT LAST NIGHT
1986
**
A girl finds things are not so rosy after moving in with her boyfriend.
Familiar and clichéd as it is, this actually works very well, perhaps thanks to the acting and the keen observations of 1980s life.
Dir: Edward Zwick
Stars: Rob Lowe, Demi Moore, Jim Belushi, Elizabeth Perkins
ABOUT TIME
2013
0
On his 21st birthday a man learns from his father that he can travel in time.
Cinema does not get more ugly than this; scripts more hackneyed, storytelling more lazy, performances more arch - and the tragedy is that some people lap up this hateful garbage. The nadir of Curtis's ghastly output, which is saying something, it trades in unbelievable behaviour, depressingly over-familiar comic situations and pitiful characterisation, frequently soundtracked by mawkish songs or music designed to tell us how to react as it's either gone super-cute or super-serious. Not in any way sweet - instead cynical and spiky, as partly illustrated by its crude language (which somehow only got it a 12 from the BBFC) - it's one of the most repugnant, vile, bile-forming, sick-making, awful, manipulative films ever made.
Dir: Richard Curtis
Stars: Domhall Gleeson, Rachel McAdams, Bill Nighy, Lindsay Duncan
ABSOLUTE BEGINNERS
1986
0
Race riots erupt in the long, hot London summer of 1958.
Flashy and bustling but unedifying musical based loosely on the book, one of the reasons why Goldcrest met its demise.
Dir: Julien Temple
Stars: Patsy Kensit, Eddie O’Connell, David Bowie, James Fox
ABSOLUTION
1978
*
A malicious pupil taunts his priest at a strict Roman Catholic school.
Dour melodrama set in a very nasty place indeed, with two pupils who are unpleasant to the point of incredulity, irritatingly so.
Dir: Anthony Page
Stars: Richard Burton, Dominic Guard, Billy Connolly, Andrew Keir, Brian Glover
ABSURD
1981
0
An unstoppable killer threatens a family.
Cripplingly awful horror movie whose deeply boring plot could have been whittled down to ten minutes without the loss of anything interesting. A renowned video nasty, you wonder whether the people who pay £100 for it on eBay are actually pleased with their purchase.
Dir: Joe D’Amato
Stars: George Eastman, Annie Bell, Edmund Purdom
THE ABYSS
1989
*
Undersea operations are sabotaged by an alien force.
Dark, hardware-heavy horror which is well enough done for what it is, but would be more pleasant to watch if it wasn’t so strident and peopled by unattractive characters.
Dir: James Cameron
Stars: Ed Harris, Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, Michael Biehn
ACCIDENT!
1967
**
After a fatal car crash outside his house, an Oxford tutor thinks back over a student’s life.
Unusual psychoanalytic drama which asks the viewer to search for its true meaning, which is not easily found.
Dir: Joseph Losey
Stars: Dirk Bogarde, Stanley Baker, Michael York, Vivien Merchant
ACCIDENTAL DEATH
1963
0
A man's peace is shattered by the entrance of another who says he's going to kill him.
In the main a very stupid, confined and tedious second feature, one of the worst entries into the Edgar Wallace series.
Dir: Geoffrey Nethercott
Stars: John Carson, Derrick Sherwin, Richard Vernon
THE ACCIDENTAL TOURIST
1988
*
A father whose son has been murdered struggles with forging a new life.
Pensive drama that may speak to some but moves at such an unhurried pace and is so understated it surely isn't as effectual as could have been.
Dir: Lawrence Kasdan
Stars: William Hurt, Geena Davis, Kathleen Turner, Amy Wright
ACE IN THE HOLE
1951
***
A newspaper reporter contrives to delay a buried man being rescued so he can get more mileage out of the story.
At that point, the cinema’s most bitter attack on the press; a rich, stirring melodrama in which no one is innocent and whose central character has a surprising fate.
Dir: Billy Wilder
Stars: Kirk Douglas, Jan Sterling, Porter Hall
ACE VENTURA: PET DETECTIVE
1994
*
An eccentric ‘pet detective’ searches for a stolen dolphin.
Brisk, quirky comedy made a hundred times better by the effervescent star, whose big break this was - he's a perfect fit for the movie's lunacy.
Dir: Tom Shadyac
Stars: Jim Carrey, Courteney Cox, Sean Young, Udo Kier
ACE VENTURA: WHEN NATURE CALLS
1995
**
Ace goes to Africa in search of a rare white bat.
Sequel with a bigger budget, and better for it too, as we spend all the time in Africa; we're also treated to a totally dominant star who provides some hilarious moments - involving a hungry bird, a fake rhino, an alligator fight, some mis-translation, and a lot more - in a role that says 'I've watched lots of movies and now I'm going to top any of the exuberant comic performances you've seen before'. It's low grade in some respects but high art in others.
Dir: Steve Oedekerk
Stars: Jim Carrey, Ian McNeice, Simon Callow
ACROSS THE UNIVERSE
2007
**
In the 1960s, a Liverpool factory worker journeys to New York and finds romance.
Ambitious and often invigorating musical which uses the still astonishingly superb songs of the Beatles to tell a love story set to the changing mood of the 1960s; the narrative could have done with tightening up and some moments jar, but it is full of clever flourishes and set pieces that are bold and imaginative.
Dir: Julie Taymor
Stars: Jim Sturgess, Evan Rachel Wood, Joe Anderson, Dana Fuchs
ACT NATURALLY
2011
0
Two sisters inherit a nudist resort that they didn't know their father owned.
Curious indie attempt to update the naturist films of yore: one problem is that the sisters are dislikeable and foul-mouthed, ill-sitting with the surrounding action, and the way it is shot is actually quite prudish - it doesn't have the courage of its convictions. While there's nothing wrong with nudism, a film that acts as a cheerleader for it seems intrinsically off-key (like films with a religious subtext).
Dir: JP Riley
Stars: Katie L Hall, Liz Lytle, Susan May Pratt
ACT OF MURDER
1964
**
A house swap leads to murder.
Probably one of the high points of the Edgar Wallace series, an original and puzzling mystery that even has a little bit of sexiness - courtesy of the beautiful Miss Lord - a darker edge and unusual camerawork. In the end, though, too much is left unexplained, and the viewer has to try and fill in too many plot gaps. In an unbelievable act of sloppiness, the booklet accompanying the Network DVD release has photographs from another film with a similar title.
Dir: Alan Bridges
Stars: Anthony Bate, John Carson, Justine Lord, Dandy Nichols
ACTION
1980
0
An idealistic actor goes on an odyssey.
Jaw-dropping, utterly intolerable, deeply stupid weirdo drama that serves up reams of impenetrable dialogue and strange and unpleasant scenarios in the belief that art is being created. Set in England but without one iota of English culture, its scenes of dreadfulness include an actress being forced to defecate in front of a film crew, half naked mental patients performing a song and people with genitals on their face dancing in a field. Truly abysmal.
Dir: Tinto Brass
Stars: Luc Merenda, Adriana Asti, Susanna Javicoli
THE ADVENTURE OF SHERLOCK HOLMES’ SMARTER BROTHER
1975
0
Holmes gives the case of a singer with secret documents to his younger brother.
Unfunny spoof with a lack of focus.
Dir: Gene Wilder
Stars: Gene Wilder, Madeline Kahn, Marty Feldman, Dom DeLuise, Leo McKern, Roy Kinnear, John Le Mesurier, Thorley Walters, Douglas Wilmer
THE ADVENTURER
1917
**
A convict saves two ladies from drowning and is invited back to their house.
Pure Chaplin clowning, some of the best slapstick ever put on the screen.
Dir: Charles Chaplin
Stars: Charles Chaplin, Edna Purviance, Eric Campbell
THE ADVENTURES OF BARON MUNCHAUSEN
1943
*
The tall tales of an immortal baron.
Huge in scale and ambition, this German extravaganza is a sprawling epic which delivers the unexpected and provides some beautiful images.
Dir: Josef von Baky
Stars: Hans Albers, Wilhelm Bendow
THE ADVENTURES OF BARON MUNCHAUSEN
1989
0
Baron Munchausen interrupts a play about himself to tell his own tales.
Patchy fantasy made at great cost, similar in style to the director’s previous efforts like Brazil (qv), it unfortunately has some longeurs.
Dir: Terry Gilliam
Stars: John Neville, Eric Idle, Oliver Reed, Jonathan Pryce, Uma Thurman
THE ADVENTURES OF JANE
1949
0
An artists’ model gets involved with diamond smugglers.
Third rate programmer, a crummy wisp of a film – the Jane here is too old, can’t act and barely loses her clothes, which was kind of the point of the newspaper strip on which it was based. The best screen Jane is the BBC series of the early ’80s.
Dir: Edward G Whiting
Stars: Christabel Leighton-Porter, Stanelli, Peter Butterworth, Sebastian Cabot
THE ADVENTURES OF ROBIN HOOD
1938
***
Outlaw Robin Hood outwits Guy of Gisbourne and the Sheriff of Nottingham.
Splendid swashbuckler which has long acted as a template for others; witty, dashing, highly coloured and full of well-choreographed action.
Dir: William Keighley, Michael Curtiz
Stars: Errol Flynn, Basil Rathbone, Claude Rains, Olivia de Havilland
THE ADVENTURES OF ROBINSON CRUSOE
1953
**
A 17th century mariner gets stranded on a remote island.
Excellent adaptation of Defoe’s novel which may not be bettered.
Dir: Luis Bunuel
Stars: Dan O’Herlihy, Jaime Fernandez
THE ADVENTURES OF TINTIN: THE SECRET OF THE UNICORN
2011
*
A boy reporter finds trouble after buying a model of a ship.
Spielberg’s much-hyped adaptation of the French comic strips is something of a disappointment, technically flawless of course, and not without quirky humour, but somehow lifeless and uninvolving – probably best to blame the motion-capture which, as ever, puts a thick layer of numbness between the viewer and any emotion or feeling that might be generated by the onscreen shenanigans. If you’re a fan of the original books it will likely enhance enjoyment.
Dir: Steven Spielberg
Stars: Jamie Bell, Andy Serkis, Daniel Craig, Nick Frost, Simon Pegg, Daniel Mays
AENIGMA
1987
0
A bullied girl in a coma wreaks terror on her persecutors.
Dumb Italian horror bookended by terrible and inappropriate songs. Old codger Fulci's attempts at striking imagery - a girl suffocated by slugs, a woman who eats her lover etc - don't work and, as usual, the script he's working from is terrible. The 'schoolgirls' are rather old but don't do the expected exploitation thing of stripping off much.
Dir: Lucio Fulci
Stars: Lara Lamberti, Jared Martin, Ulli Reinthaler
AEROBI-CIDE
1987
0
A killer is on the loose at a fitness club.
Words can barely describe how inept this slasher film is, but it's fun to pick out a few things that are appealingly appalling about it: the music, the costumes, the undramatic killings, the way the dance classes carry on as if no murders were occurring, the safety pin murder weapon, the acting, the plot, the script... It's enough to give the Eighties a bad name.
Dir: David A Prior
Stars: Marcia Karr, David James Campbell, Fritz Matthews
AFRAID OF THE DARK
1991
0
A short-sighted boy comes into contact with a killer who is hunting blind people.
Flat thriller with lots of sight motifs mostly culled from Hitchcock; it never recovers from the mid-way jarring twist, and the acting is awful.
Dir: Mark Peploe
Stars: James Fox, Paul McGann, Robert Stephens, David Thewliss
AFRICA ADDIO
1966
*
'Mondo' documentary about the trouble that occurred when white colonialists started pulling out of Africa.
This controversial film isn't as exploitative or trashy as one might fear (hope?), and unlike its predecessors manages to get a bit boring - plenty of scenes could have been trimmed. The reason they weren't is probably because the filmmakers garnered some stunning footage of man's hostility to both other humans and animals, all shot in locations cameras had seldom visited before. The political and race issues it raises can be debated long into the night, but those who criticise it should be wary of falling into denial just because they're being shown things they don't like: it's a debate that continues to cast a shadow over the film's merits.
Dir: Gualtiero Jacopetti, Franco Prosperi
AFRICA SCREAMS
1949
0
Two idiots search for treasure in Africa.
Abbott and Costello’s routines now induce groans; Lou sees something then tries and fails to tell dopey Bud. And this is one of their worst, shot in just two weeks.
Dir: Charles Barton
Stars: Bud Abbott, Lou Costello, Hillary Brooke
AFRICA UNCENSORED
1971
*
Mondo documentary about shocking-to-us African tribal customs, including male and female circumcision, burial rites, insect-eating, dog-strangulation, disfiguring the body and more.
A tough watch, with footage that must have left Western viewers dumbfounded and disgusted - it certainly leads one to question expressions like 'human nature' and 'common sense'... so perhaps it's not all bad.
Dir: Alfredo Castiglioni, Angelo Castiglioni, Guido Guerrasio, Oreste Pellini
THE AFRICAN QUEEN
1951
**
In 1915, a mismatched man and woman travel down a dangerous African river.
Affectionately remembered mixture of comedy, character and adventure.
Dir: John Huston
Stars: Humphrey Bogart, Katharine Hepburn, Robert Morley
AFTER HOURS
1985
***
A man suffers a night of never-ending disaster.
Attractively structured, enjoyable black comedy performed with verve.
Dir: Martin Scorsese
Stars: Griffin Dunne, Rosanna Arquette, Teri Garr
AFTER LIFE
1998
***
After they die, people are allowed to choose one happy memory to take with them into eternity.
A simple but ingenious idea turned into a compelling treatise on the meaning of existence, it says much about the value of life and the importance of living it.
Dir: Hirokazu Kore-Eda
Stars: Arata, Erika Oda, Susumu Terajima
AFTER MIDNIGHT
1989
0
Co-eds tell tales of terror, concerning an old dark house, lost girls and a killer in an office block.
Horror anthology which could have done with more urgency, shocks and logic. The last two stories in particular lack a decent twist.
Dir: Jim Wheat, Ken Wheat
Stars: Marg Helengberger, Marc McClure
AFTER THE FOX
1966
0
A crook plans a bullion robbery by disguising himself as a film director.
Patchy comedy which takes too long over situations that are rarely that funny.
Dir: Vittorio de Sica
Stars: Peter Sellers, Victor Mature, Britt Ekland, Martin Balsam
AFTER THE SCREAMING STOPS
2018
**
Documentary about the reunion of 1980s boy band Bros.
Something probably only for those who lived through Bros's brief moment in the sun, particularly fans, although they may be dismayed by the fractious relationship between the twins - to those of us who always disliked them it confirms our suspicions that they are over-earnest, annoying and humourless chaps who were never very good at music. It's never not watchable but surely the remit should have been wider: there's little of the band's heyday, third member Craig (aka Ken) is barely given a mention, and much of the time is devoted to the Goss's virulent arguing; it's occasionally deep but more often shallow, amusingly so.
Dir: Joe Pearlman, David Soutar
1953
0
In Victorian London, two inept policemen go after a monster.
Predictable horror comedy whose humour has somewhat dated.
Dir: Charles Lamont
Stars: Bud Abbott, Lou Costello, Boris Karloff
ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET FRANKENSTEIN
1948
**
Two railway porters come across Frankenstein’s monster, Dracula and the Wolf Man.
Abbott and Costello’s best film; a lively horror spoof with routines that work well and solid performances all round.
Dir: Charles Barton
Stars: Bud Abbott, Lou Costello, Bela Lugosi, Lon Chaney Jr
ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET THE INVISIBLE MAN
1951
0
Two inept detectives get involved with an invisible boxer.
Not their worst effort - a few laughs and decent special effects.
Dir: Charles Lamont
Stars: Bud Abbott, Lou Costello, Arthur Franz
ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET THE KILLER, BORIS KARLOFF
1948
0
Two bellboys investigate murders at a remote hotel.
Inferior follow up to ‘…Meet Frankenstein’, with corny jokes, no monsters and very little Karloff.
Dir: Charles Barton
Stars: Bud Abbott, Lou Costello, Boris Karloff
ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET THE MUMMY
1955
0
A mummy comes alive to wreck havoc on our boys.
Taxing Abbott and Costello farce, one of their last together.
Dir: Charles Lamont
Stars: Bud Abbott, Lou Costello, Kurt Katch
THE ABC OF LOVE AND SEX: AUSTRALIA STYLE
1978
0
Documentary purporting to offer sex education advice.
There's more than a whiff of Ozploitation about this fragmentary film that doesn't take things too seriously; modern viewers might be surprised that much of it, including the H for Homosexuality section, are fairly 'progressive', but there's plenty that is in good old Seventies sleazy style. Perhaps it goes on a bit though, even though a few letters are missed out (including, inexplicably, V).
Dir: John D Lamond
Narrators: Sandy Gore, Michael Cole
THE ABCS OF DEATH
2012
**
Twenty-six horror vignettes created by 26 different directors from 15 countries who were each given $5,000 and freedom to make whatever they liked.
Yes this is a flawed movie but it's also quite a fascinating one: at its best - including X for XXL (gruesome and satirical), T for Toilet (clever claymation), W for WTF? (beguilingly bonkers), N for Nupitals (cute and witty) - it's splendidly imaginative and visually plush, and even the more extreme sequences have some sort of merit as they push the various envelopes of different countries. There are of course some duds, but the main problem is that there's too much of it and it feels relentless: perhaps the future for this film is for little bits of it to be consumed individually on the internet at different times. The basic ingredients - sex, gore and shocks - are certainly there for what a good horror film should be.
Dir/Stars: Many
THE ABCS OF DEATH 2
2014
*
The same recipe as the previous film. Sequences include: a woman looking out her window to see a brutal murder taking place in every window in the flats opposite; a woman being tried for murder by those she killed who are now zombies; a man who does well on an intelligence test having his brain put into a gorilla's head.
As before, a compendium of modern horror for the more open-minded fan, with some really winning instalments (D, Q, S) and some stinkers (G, J, P), but a generally high production standard: most are stylishly shot and exhibit a lot of imagination. But many will hate it, either because of the viciousness or the goofiness, or because these two things frequently alternate with one another.
Dir/Stars: Many
ABDUCTED
1973
0
Two hillbillies abduct and imprison passing girls.
The original title, Schoolgirls In Chains, gives a better idea of what this depraved Psycho/Texas Chainsaw amalgam is like, a grim tale with a strangely inappropriate soundtrack.
Dir: Don Jones
Stars: Gary Kent, John Parker, Suzanne Lund
THE ABOMINABLE DR PHIBES
1971
*
A disfigured genius kills the surgeons who failed to save his wife’s life.
Appealing but faltering horror comedy with a simple plot simply presented: it rigidly alternates between Phibes' dastardly deeds and the police investigation into them, and despite quirky set design, never really catches fire. It's also a shame that Price doesn't get to speak much or properly in the role (he says more in the sequel, Dr Phibes Rises Again (qv)).
Dir: Robert Fuest
Stars: Vincent Price, Joseph Cotton, Terry-Tomas, Hugh Griffith, Susan Travers
THE ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN
1957
*
Himalayan explorers come across the famous Yeti.
Intelligent, restrained semi-horror that successfully creates a chilly atmosphere; perhaps fewer characters talking less might have made it more gripping, or at least a couple more shadowy monster appearances.
Dir: Val Guest
Stars: Peter Cushing, Forrest Tucker, Maureen Connell, Richard Wattis
ABOUT A BOY
2002
0
A single man develops a friendship with an eccentric 12-year-old.
Comedy drama which suffers from the same problems as the book - lack of sympathetic characters and a weak, slightly odd plot. Nice soundtrack, though.
Dir: Chris and Paul Weitz
Stars: Hugh Grant, Nicholas Hoult, Rachel Weisz, Toni Collette
ABOUT LAST NIGHT
1986
**
A girl finds things are not so rosy after moving in with her boyfriend.
Familiar and clichéd as it is, this actually works very well, perhaps thanks to the acting and the keen observations of 1980s life.
Dir: Edward Zwick
Stars: Rob Lowe, Demi Moore, Jim Belushi, Elizabeth Perkins
ABOUT TIME
2013
0
On his 21st birthday a man learns from his father that he can travel in time.
Cinema does not get more ugly than this; scripts more hackneyed, storytelling more lazy, performances more arch - and the tragedy is that some people lap up this hateful garbage. The nadir of Curtis's ghastly output, which is saying something, it trades in unbelievable behaviour, depressingly over-familiar comic situations and pitiful characterisation, frequently soundtracked by mawkish songs or music designed to tell us how to react as it's either gone super-cute or super-serious. Not in any way sweet - instead cynical and spiky, as partly illustrated by its crude language (which somehow only got it a 12 from the BBFC) - it's one of the most repugnant, vile, bile-forming, sick-making, awful, manipulative films ever made.
Dir: Richard Curtis
Stars: Domhall Gleeson, Rachel McAdams, Bill Nighy, Lindsay Duncan
ABSOLUTE BEGINNERS
1986
0
Race riots erupt in the long, hot London summer of 1958.
Flashy and bustling but unedifying musical based loosely on the book, one of the reasons why Goldcrest met its demise.
Dir: Julien Temple
Stars: Patsy Kensit, Eddie O’Connell, David Bowie, James Fox
ABSOLUTION
1978
*
A malicious pupil taunts his priest at a strict Roman Catholic school.
Dour melodrama set in a very nasty place indeed, with two pupils who are unpleasant to the point of incredulity, irritatingly so.
Dir: Anthony Page
Stars: Richard Burton, Dominic Guard, Billy Connolly, Andrew Keir, Brian Glover
ABSURD
1981
0
An unstoppable killer threatens a family.
Cripplingly awful horror movie whose deeply boring plot could have been whittled down to ten minutes without the loss of anything interesting. A renowned video nasty, you wonder whether the people who pay £100 for it on eBay are actually pleased with their purchase.
Dir: Joe D’Amato
Stars: George Eastman, Annie Bell, Edmund Purdom
THE ABYSS
1989
*
Undersea operations are sabotaged by an alien force.
Dark, hardware-heavy horror which is well enough done for what it is, but would be more pleasant to watch if it wasn’t so strident and peopled by unattractive characters.
Dir: James Cameron
Stars: Ed Harris, Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, Michael Biehn
ACCIDENT!
1967
**
After a fatal car crash outside his house, an Oxford tutor thinks back over a student’s life.
Unusual psychoanalytic drama which asks the viewer to search for its true meaning, which is not easily found.
Dir: Joseph Losey
Stars: Dirk Bogarde, Stanley Baker, Michael York, Vivien Merchant
ACCIDENTAL DEATH
1963
0
A man's peace is shattered by the entrance of another who says he's going to kill him.
In the main a very stupid, confined and tedious second feature, one of the worst entries into the Edgar Wallace series.
Dir: Geoffrey Nethercott
Stars: John Carson, Derrick Sherwin, Richard Vernon
THE ACCIDENTAL TOURIST
1988
*
A father whose son has been murdered struggles with forging a new life.
Pensive drama that may speak to some but moves at such an unhurried pace and is so understated it surely isn't as effectual as could have been.
Dir: Lawrence Kasdan
Stars: William Hurt, Geena Davis, Kathleen Turner, Amy Wright
ACE IN THE HOLE
1951
***
A newspaper reporter contrives to delay a buried man being rescued so he can get more mileage out of the story.
At that point, the cinema’s most bitter attack on the press; a rich, stirring melodrama in which no one is innocent and whose central character has a surprising fate.
Dir: Billy Wilder
Stars: Kirk Douglas, Jan Sterling, Porter Hall
ACE VENTURA: PET DETECTIVE
1994
*
An eccentric ‘pet detective’ searches for a stolen dolphin.
Brisk, quirky comedy made a hundred times better by the effervescent star, whose big break this was - he's a perfect fit for the movie's lunacy.
Dir: Tom Shadyac
Stars: Jim Carrey, Courteney Cox, Sean Young, Udo Kier
ACE VENTURA: WHEN NATURE CALLS
1995
**
Ace goes to Africa in search of a rare white bat.
Sequel with a bigger budget, and better for it too, as we spend all the time in Africa; we're also treated to a totally dominant star who provides some hilarious moments - involving a hungry bird, a fake rhino, an alligator fight, some mis-translation, and a lot more - in a role that says 'I've watched lots of movies and now I'm going to top any of the exuberant comic performances you've seen before'. It's low grade in some respects but high art in others.
Dir: Steve Oedekerk
Stars: Jim Carrey, Ian McNeice, Simon Callow
ACHTUNG! THE DESERT TIGERS
1977
0
In World War 2, American soldiers are put into a camp run by sadistic Nazis.
There's almost as much footage from other films here as there is original footage! That original footage is mainly in the mid-section, which is about as pure Nazisploitation sleaze as you can get - hell, the poster alone would see the movie shunned by polite society immediately. YouTube censors would surely ban this if they watched it on their site - thankfully they don't appear to have done; view drunk if you like, it makes little difference.
Dir: Luigi Batzella
Stars: Richard Harrison, Lea Lander, Isarco Ravaioli
THE ACID HOUSE
1998
*
Three tales of Scottish squalor: The Granton Star Cause, A Soft Touch and The Acid House.
An Irvine Welsh overload for those who found [the much superior] Trainspotting too mild: one sort of admires its refusal to compromise, but it can be a bit much. The first story is probably the best, careering from mundane misery to insectoid fantasy; the second is harsh stuff, like being smacked in the face repeatedly; the third has more ideas than it knows what to do with, but will tickle some funny bones. Many viewers might wish there were subtitles/translations; its grim Glasgow landscapes are weirdly entrancing.
Dir: Paul McGuigan
Stars: Stephen McCole, Maurice Roeves, Ewen Bremner, Jemma Redgrave, Martin Clunes
ACROSS THE UNIVERSE
2007
**
In the 1960s, a Liverpool factory worker journeys to New York and finds romance.
Ambitious and often invigorating musical which uses the still astonishingly superb songs of the Beatles to tell a love story set to the changing mood of the 1960s; the narrative could have done with tightening up and some moments jar, but it is full of clever flourishes and set pieces that are bold and imaginative.
Dir: Julie Taymor
Stars: Jim Sturgess, Evan Rachel Wood, Joe Anderson, Dana Fuchs
ACT NATURALLY
2011
0
Two sisters inherit a nudist resort that they didn't know their father owned.
Curious indie attempt to update the naturist films of yore: one problem is that the sisters are dislikeable and foul-mouthed, ill-sitting with the surrounding action, and the way it is shot is actually quite prudish - it doesn't have the courage of its convictions. While there's nothing wrong with nudism, a film that acts as a cheerleader for it seems intrinsically off-key (like films with a religious subtext).
Dir: JP Riley
Stars: Katie L Hall, Liz Lytle, Susan May Pratt
ACT OF MURDER
1964
**
A house swap leads to murder.
Probably one of the high points of the Edgar Wallace series, an original and puzzling mystery that even has a little bit of sexiness - courtesy of the beautiful Miss Lord - a darker edge and unusual camerawork. In the end, though, too much is left unexplained, and the viewer has to try and fill in too many plot gaps. In an unbelievable act of sloppiness, the booklet accompanying the Network DVD release has photographs from another film with a similar title.
Dir: Alan Bridges
Stars: Anthony Bate, John Carson, Justine Lord, Dandy Nichols
ACTION
1980
0
An idealistic actor goes on an odyssey.
Jaw-dropping, utterly intolerable, deeply stupid weirdo drama that serves up reams of impenetrable dialogue and strange and unpleasant scenarios in the belief that art is being created. Set in England but without one iota of English culture, its scenes of dreadfulness include an actress being forced to defecate in front of a film crew, half naked mental patients performing a song and people with genitals on their face dancing in a field. Truly abysmal.
Dir: Tinto Brass
Stars: Luc Merenda, Adriana Asti, Susanna Javicoli
ADAM'S RIB
1949
*
A husband and wife, who are both lawyers, respectively prosecute and defend a woman accused of shooting her unfaithful hubby.
A weird film. Billed back then as 'the funniest picture in 10 years', watched now it doesn't appear funny in the slightest, but it is interesting: not bland, quite thought-provoking. Some of those thoughts: the actual plot, which makes the court case about feminism, makes no sense; while there was obviously systemic inequality between the sexes in Forties America, the idea that this attempted murder is viewed through a feminist lens only offers a chilling preview of the corrosive identity politics that would arrive a few decades later. The court scenario alternates between domestics between Tracy and Hepburn and, while they might have made nine pictures together, there's something unsympathetic about the pair of them, something a bit 'off'. Wayne is also annoying as a neighbour who initially appears to be a homosexual but then later, less so, oddly. With the surprising 'gun in the mouth' scene, its long takes and involved dialogue, it's hardly light fare but was a big hit nonetheless.
Dir: George Cukor
Stars: Spencer Tracy, Katharine Hepburn, Judy Holliday, Tom Ewell, David WayneADAPTATION
2002
**
A screenwriter attempting to write a film about orchids employs some of his hack brother’s techniques.
Clever and original filmic musing with good performances, it may be even better on a second viewing.
Dir: Spike Jonze
Stars: Nicolas Cage, Meryl Streep, Chris Cooper, Tilda Swinton
THE ADDAMS FAMILY
1991
0
Uncle Fester may be an impostor after the house.
Expensive big-screen version of the not so wonderful television series, this plot-light movie has, like its TV predecessor, a string of jokes on one single theme.
Dir: Barry Sonnenfeld
Stars: Raul Julia, Anjelica Huston, Christopher Lloyd, Christina Ricci
ADDICTED TO LOVE
1997
**
A man desperately tries to win his ex-girlfriend back from her French lover.
Bright and breezy comedy, pleasingly old fashioned in some ways, and shot with some style.
Dir: Griffin Dunne
Stars: Meg Ryan, Matthew Broderick, Kelly Preston
ADJUST YOUR TRACKING
2013
**
Documentary about collectors of VHS tapes, particularly horror ones.
For those with enthusiasm for and knowledge of the subject, a hugely enjoyable journey through every aspect of the home entertainment system that arrived in the Seventies. Every box is ticked: the interviewees talk about the appeal of certain video companies, the lurid covers with their hard sells, the bargains they've found at yard sales, their massive collections and more. It makes you immediately want to stick one of those old cassettes in your dusty video recorder.
Dir: Dan M Kinem, Levi Peretic
ADRIFT
2006
*
A group of friends take a yacht into the sea, jump off and can’t get back on.
Traumatic suspenser whose simplicity is both a blessing and a curse. Although intense and agonising, it keeps you glued till the end despite the often infuriating, bamboozling behaviour of the unsympathetic group.
Dir: Hans Horn
Stars: Susan May Pratt, Eric Dane, Ali Hillis, Niklaus Lange
2002
**
A screenwriter attempting to write a film about orchids employs some of his hack brother’s techniques.
Clever and original filmic musing with good performances, it may be even better on a second viewing.
Dir: Spike Jonze
Stars: Nicolas Cage, Meryl Streep, Chris Cooper, Tilda Swinton
THE ADDAMS FAMILY
1991
0
Uncle Fester may be an impostor after the house.
Expensive big-screen version of the not so wonderful television series, this plot-light movie has, like its TV predecessor, a string of jokes on one single theme.
Dir: Barry Sonnenfeld
Stars: Raul Julia, Anjelica Huston, Christopher Lloyd, Christina Ricci
ADDICTED TO LOVE
1997
**
A man desperately tries to win his ex-girlfriend back from her French lover.
Bright and breezy comedy, pleasingly old fashioned in some ways, and shot with some style.
Dir: Griffin Dunne
Stars: Meg Ryan, Matthew Broderick, Kelly Preston
ADJUST YOUR TRACKING
2013
**
Documentary about collectors of VHS tapes, particularly horror ones.
For those with enthusiasm for and knowledge of the subject, a hugely enjoyable journey through every aspect of the home entertainment system that arrived in the Seventies. Every box is ticked: the interviewees talk about the appeal of certain video companies, the lurid covers with their hard sells, the bargains they've found at yard sales, their massive collections and more. It makes you immediately want to stick one of those old cassettes in your dusty video recorder.
Dir: Dan M Kinem, Levi Peretic
ADRIFT
2006
*
A group of friends take a yacht into the sea, jump off and can’t get back on.
Traumatic suspenser whose simplicity is both a blessing and a curse. Although intense and agonising, it keeps you glued till the end despite the often infuriating, bamboozling behaviour of the unsympathetic group.
Dir: Hans Horn
Stars: Susan May Pratt, Eric Dane, Ali Hillis, Niklaus Lange
ADVENTURE IN THE HOPFIELDS
1954
*
A little girl goes to hopfields in Kent to try and earn money to pay for her mother's china dog that she accidentally smashed.
Simple, even anodyne CFF stuff, but not without social value: we get a picture of a disappeared London and of an activity that also largely vanished for the southern English. It has a community, family feel and lots of location footage, and even gets a bit dramatic in the final third; also, Miller is as cute as a button, a little actress with very sympathetic features.
Dir: John Guillermin
Stars: Many Miller, Mona Washbourne, Melvyn Hayes, Dandy Nichols
THE ADVENTURE OF SHERLOCK HOLMES’ SMARTER BROTHER
1975
0
Holmes gives the case of a singer with secret documents to his younger brother.
Unfunny spoof with a lack of focus.
Dir: Gene Wilder
Stars: Gene Wilder, Madeline Kahn, Marty Feldman, Dom DeLuise, Leo McKern, Roy Kinnear, John Le Mesurier, Thorley Walters, Douglas Wilmer
THE ADVENTURER
1917
**
A convict saves two ladies from drowning and is invited back to their house.
Pure Chaplin clowning, some of the best slapstick ever put on the screen.
Dir: Charles Chaplin
Stars: Charles Chaplin, Edna Purviance, Eric Campbell
ADVENTURES OF A PLUMBER’S MATE
1978
0
A wannabe plumber accidentally acquires a gold toilet seat.
Oh, the titillating subject of plumbing! Neil has grown his hair, developed a cockney accent and gotten more sour for this final part of the Adventures trilogy, which is about as dreadful as the previous ones. The problem is that Long is a terrible director - it's hypothetical, but imagine how much better these films would be with someone talented in charge. This has more nudity and more plot than previously, but... it's awful (and unfunny). An air of sexiness is lent to it by the pictures on the walls and some of the actresses, which slightly alleviates the dismal, dreary atmosphere.
Dir: Stanley Long
Stars: Christopher Neil, Arthur Mullard, Stephen Lewis, Elaine Paige, William Rushton
ADVENTURES OF A PRIVATE EYE
1977
0
An amateur sleuth investigates a woman who is being blackmailed.
The sequel to Adventures Of A Taxi Driver is a marginal improvement but still awful: it has more plot, a smidgeon more flesh, a more agreeable lead and is visually superior, but no zip at all - the director is totally unable to create scenes that snap, crackle and pop; instead they just slowly limp. There are so many missed opportunities for extra sauce and lively comedy it's remarkable, ditto the repetitive stupidity involving scenes where our hero is caught with his pants down. Posta and her stage act and her costume are the highlights.
Dir: Stanley Long
Stars: Christopher Neil, Suzy Kendall, Harry H Corbett, Liz Fraser, Ian Lavender, Jon Pertwee, Adrienne Posta, William Rushton, Diana Dors, Irene Handl
ADVENTURES OF A TAXI DRIVER
1976
0
A cheeky cabbie gets involved with jewel thieves, a stripper, a drag artist and a suicidal girl.
First of the Adventures series is a rather verbose effort, with far less jolliness - and far less nudity - than the Confessions films, which inspired it. Crudely scripted, shot and directed, it's a lot of plotless nothingness full of trifling, dull scenes, and it's a wonder that it made so much money and spawned two sequels (but the budget was so low, and there was a promise of sauce, so perhaps it's not that surprising).
Dir: Stanley Long
Stars: Barry Evans, Judy Geeson, Adrienne Posta, Diana Dors, Stephen Lewis, Robert Lindsay, Liz Fraser, Henry McGee
1943
*
The tall tales of an immortal baron.
Huge in scale and ambition, this German extravaganza is a sprawling epic which delivers the unexpected and provides some beautiful images.
Dir: Josef von Baky
Stars: Hans Albers, Wilhelm Bendow
THE ADVENTURES OF BARON MUNCHAUSEN
1989
0
Baron Munchausen interrupts a play about himself to tell his own tales.
Patchy fantasy made at great cost, similar in style to the director’s previous efforts like Brazil (qv), it unfortunately has some longeurs.
Dir: Terry Gilliam
Stars: John Neville, Eric Idle, Oliver Reed, Jonathan Pryce, Uma Thurman
THE ADVENTURES OF HAL 5
1958
0
A car with a mind of its own is swapped between owners.
A sort of Herbie before Herbie came along, albeit one represented by simple line drawings of the changing expressions of the car's 'face' on the radiator grille. It's quite sweet stuff, very much a product of its gentle time, with an undercurrent of deceitful business dealings, as exemplified by the crooked mechanic. Lots of pleasant rural photography.
Dir: Don Sharp
Stars: William Russell, John Glyn-Jones, John Charlesworth
THE ADVENTURES OF JANE
1949
0
An artists’ model gets involved with diamond smugglers.
Third rate programmer, a crummy wisp of a film – the Jane here is too old, can’t act and barely loses her clothes, which was kind of the point of the newspaper strip on which it was based. The best screen Jane is the BBC series of the early ’80s.
Dir: Edward G Whiting
Stars: Christabel Leighton-Porter, Stanelli, Peter Butterworth, Sebastian Cabot
THE ADVENTURES OF PRINCE ACHMED
1926
*
A prince has various adventures on his flying horse.
Said to be one of the earliest animated features, and the oldest to survive, this is a work of painstaking creativity - the silhouette animated process apparently took three years to complete. While a silent, German, animated film with a fantasy theme may not always grip the attention, you rarely lose the appreciation of what went into this progressive and enterprising project.
Dir: Lotte Reiniger, Carl Koch
THE ADVENTURES OF PRISCILLA, QUEEN OF THE DESERT
1994
*
Two drag queens and a transsexual have a fraught bus journey across the Outback.
One of the queerest, gayest films ever made, this is a very unusual sort of road movie, one with bristling energy, fabulous music darling and sumptuous visuals, not least the extravagant, colourful costumes or the pink bus streaking across the desert. Viewed around 30 years after it was made, it seems to foreshadow the crazed gender ideology wars, which probably gives it a different hue that it had at the time - perhaps it seems angrier, and does one feel angrier with it? The straight performers are extremely convincing in their roles, but one wonders why on earth Stamp went for it; as often, his voice is dire and his line readings are dire. Still, it's a film that generates discussion, although it's an acquired taste for many, as super-rude as it is. It makes you think 'surely we have to draw a line somewhere when it comes to decent, 'normal' behaviour. But where is that line?'
Dir: Stephan Elliott
Stars: Hugo Weaving, Guy Pearce, Terence Stamp
THE ADVENTURES OF ROBIN HOOD
1938
***
Outlaw Robin Hood outwits Guy of Gisbourne and the Sheriff of Nottingham.
Splendid swashbuckler which has long acted as a template for others; witty, dashing, highly coloured and full of well-choreographed action.
Dir: William Keighley, Michael Curtiz
Stars: Errol Flynn, Basil Rathbone, Claude Rains, Olivia de Havilland
THE ADVENTURES OF ROBINSON CRUSOE
1953
**
A 17th century mariner gets stranded on a remote island.
Excellent adaptation of Defoe’s novel which may not be bettered.
Dir: Luis Bunuel
Stars: Dan O’Herlihy, Jaime Fernandez
THE ADVENTURES OF SHERLOCK HOLMES
1939
**
Professor Moriarty hatches a plot to befuddle Sherlock Holmes.
The second Rathbone-Holmes is one of the more complex, and sometimes confusing, of the series, but full of a rich variety of good things - while the subsequent Universal films are fun, they don't have the huge sets and stylish photography of this entry, nor the Victorian setting, of course. Zucco is a splendid Moriarty, but all actors who played him in this era were excellent.
Dir: Alfred Werker
Stars: Basil Rathbone, Nigel Bruce, George Zucco, Ida Lupino
ADVENTURES OF TARZAN
1921 (serial)
0
Tarzan rescues Jane from various abductors.
A lot of footage from the fifth ape man flick is now lost but there is an edited version online, which seems to be ten episodes from the serial, or it could be 15, or it could be a thousand, given the lengthy, jerky, arbitrary nature of the action. Viewing it is a queasy and not especially enriching experience; the lion attacks make you sit up, though. As was often the way with the early Tarzans, he here looks like someone off Wheeltappers and Shunters, and everyone else is hugely theatrical.
Dir: Robert F Hill, Scott Sidney
Stars: Elmo Lincoln, Louise Lorraine, Scott Pembroke
THE ADVENTURES OF TINTIN: THE SECRET OF THE UNICORN
2011
*
A boy reporter finds trouble after buying a model of a ship.
Spielberg’s much-hyped adaptation of the French comic strips is something of a disappointment, technically flawless of course, and not without quirky humour, but somehow lifeless and uninvolving – probably best to blame the motion-capture which, as ever, puts a thick layer of numbness between the viewer and any emotion or feeling that might be generated by the onscreen shenanigans. If you’re a fan of the original books it will likely enhance enjoyment.
Dir: Steven Spielberg
Stars: Jamie Bell, Andy Serkis, Daniel Craig, Nick Frost, Simon Pegg, Daniel Mays
AENIGMA
1987
0
A bullied girl in a coma wreaks terror on her persecutors.
Dumb Italian horror bookended by terrible and inappropriate songs. Old codger Fulci's attempts at striking imagery - a girl suffocated by slugs, a woman who eats her lover etc - don't work and, as usual, the script he's working from is terrible. The 'schoolgirls' are rather old but don't do the expected exploitation thing of stripping off much.
Dir: Lucio Fulci
Stars: Lara Lamberti, Jared Martin, Ulli Reinthaler
AEROBI-CIDE
1987
0
A killer is on the loose at a fitness club.
Words can barely describe how inept this slasher film is, but it's fun to pick out a few things that are appealingly appalling about it: the music, the costumes, the undramatic killings, the way the dance classes carry on as if no murders were occurring, the safety pin murder weapon, the acting, the plot, the script... It's enough to give the Eighties a bad name.
Dir: David A Prior
Stars: Marcia Karr, David James Campbell, Fritz Matthews
AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER
1957
**
A philanderer and a singer, both destined for other partners, meet on a cruise ship and fall in love despite themselves.
McCarey's plush remake of his own Love Story was surely guaranteed to succeed, with its luminous stars and expensive Technicolor production, and it pretty much manages to pull off most of what it intends to, despite missteps - chiefly the children's songs - near the end. The plot machinations perhaps seem even more unbelievable to us now than they did to audiences then - perhaps that only adds to our sense of fulfilment at the closing scene?
Dir: Leo McCarey
Stars: Cary Grant, Deborah Kerr, Richard Denning
AFRAID OF THE DARK
1991
0
A short-sighted boy comes into contact with a killer who is hunting blind people.
Flat thriller with lots of sight motifs mostly culled from Hitchcock; it never recovers from the mid-way jarring twist, and the acting is awful.
Dir: Mark Peploe
Stars: James Fox, Paul McGann, Robert Stephens, David Thewliss
AFRICA ADDIO
1966
*
'Mondo' documentary about the trouble that occurred when white colonialists started pulling out of Africa.
This controversial film isn't as exploitative or trashy as one might fear (hope?), and unlike its predecessors manages to get a bit boring - plenty of scenes could have been trimmed. The reason they weren't is probably because the filmmakers garnered some stunning footage of man's hostility to both other humans and animals, all shot in locations cameras had seldom visited before. The political and race issues it raises can be debated long into the night, but those who criticise it should be wary of falling into denial just because they're being shown things they don't like: it's a debate that continues to cast a shadow over the film's merits.
Dir: Gualtiero Jacopetti, Franco Prosperi
AFRICA SCREAMS
1949
0
Two idiots search for treasure in Africa.
Abbott and Costello’s routines now induce groans; Lou sees something then tries and fails to tell dopey Bud. And this is one of their worst, shot in just two weeks.
Dir: Charles Barton
Stars: Bud Abbott, Lou Costello, Hillary Brooke
AFRICA UNCENSORED
1971
*
Mondo documentary about shocking-to-us African tribal customs, including male and female circumcision, burial rites, insect-eating, dog-strangulation, disfiguring the body and more.
A tough watch, with footage that must have left Western viewers dumbfounded and disgusted - it certainly leads one to question expressions like 'human nature' and 'common sense'... so perhaps it's not all bad.
Dir: Alfredo Castiglioni, Angelo Castiglioni, Guido Guerrasio, Oreste Pellini
THE AFRICAN QUEEN
1951
**
In 1915, a mismatched man and woman travel down a dangerous African river.
Affectionately remembered mixture of comedy, character and adventure.
Dir: John Huston
Stars: Humphrey Bogart, Katharine Hepburn, Robert Morley
AFTER HOURS
1985
***
A man suffers a night of never-ending disaster.
Attractively structured, enjoyable black comedy performed with verve.
Dir: Martin Scorsese
Stars: Griffin Dunne, Rosanna Arquette, Teri Garr
AFTER LIFE
1998
***
After they die, people are allowed to choose one happy memory to take with them into eternity.
A simple but ingenious idea turned into a compelling treatise on the meaning of existence, it says much about the value of life and the importance of living it.
Dir: Hirokazu Kore-Eda
Stars: Arata, Erika Oda, Susumu Terajima
AFTER MEIN KAMPF? THE STORY OF ADOLPH HITLER
1940
0
Documentary about Hitler's rise to power.
A kooky curiosity indeed, not least because it spells Adolf wrong and also 'Britain' wrong in the opening text; what follows is a mix of archive footage and dramatic re-enactments spoken in English, overseen by two none-too-happy narrators. It moves at such a breakneck speed it's tricky to keep up. At 43m up comes 'The End', but then we get another 10 minutes on the Hitler Youth with William L Shirer. What makes things stranger still is that there is a 1961 film called After Mein Kampf, and Amazon and IMDb confuse the two of them - although the 1961 film may have used footage from this one. Confusing times - bloomin' Hitler.
Dir: Norman Lee
AFTER MIDNIGHT
1989
0
Co-eds tell tales of terror, concerning an old dark house, lost girls and a killer in an office block.
Horror anthology which could have done with more urgency, shocks and logic. The last two stories in particular lack a decent twist.
Dir: Jim Wheat, Ken Wheat
Stars: Marg Helengberger, Marc McClure
AFTER THE FOX
1966
0
A crook plans a bullion robbery by disguising himself as a film director.
Patchy comedy which takes too long over situations that are rarely that funny.
Dir: Vittorio de Sica
Stars: Peter Sellers, Victor Mature, Britt Ekland, Martin Balsam
AFTER THE SCREAMING STOPS
2018
**
Documentary about the reunion of 1980s boy band Bros.
Something probably only for those who lived through Bros's brief moment in the sun, particularly fans, although they may be dismayed by the fractious relationship between the twins - to those of us who always disliked them it confirms our suspicions that they are over-earnest, annoying and humourless chaps who were never very good at music. It's never not watchable but surely the remit should have been wider: there's little of the band's heyday, third member Craig (aka Ken) is barely given a mention, and much of the time is devoted to the Goss's virulent arguing; it's occasionally deep but more often shallow, amusingly so.
Dir: Joe Pearlman, David Soutar
THE AFTERMAN
1985
*
People struggle for survival in a post-nuclear world.
Nearly wordless Belgian sci-fi film occupied with misery, violence and sex: it has a certain raw power even if it struggles to keep the viewer's attention continually. It was hard to see for many years.
Dir: Rob Van Eyck
Stars: Jacques Verbist, Franka Ravet, Dora Raskin
THE AFTERMATH
1982
0
Astronauts return to Earth to discover it has been destroyed by nuclear war.
Pretty vacant low budget sci-fi with plenty of dialogue-free action and a little cod philosophising.
Dir: Steve Barkett
Stars: Steve Barkett, Lynne Margulies, Sid Haig
AGAINST THE WIND
1948
*
During the Second World War, Allied saboteurs parachute into Belgium.
Thoughtful war drama whose episodic nature counts against it, as its myriad of characters cause confusion and tension is often broken off; but all stops are pulled out for the exciting and well staged climactic train sequence, much of it in silence.
Dir: Charles Crichton
Stars: Robert Beatty, Simone Signoret, Jack Warner, Gordon Jackson, James Robertson Justice
THE AFTERMATH
1982
0
Astronauts return to Earth to discover it has been destroyed by nuclear war.
Pretty vacant low budget sci-fi with plenty of dialogue-free action and a little cod philosophising.
Dir: Steve Barkett
Stars: Steve Barkett, Lynne Margulies, Sid Haig
AGAINST THE WIND
1948
*
During the Second World War, Allied saboteurs parachute into Belgium.
Thoughtful war drama whose episodic nature counts against it, as its myriad of characters cause confusion and tension is often broken off; but all stops are pulled out for the exciting and well staged climactic train sequence, much of it in silence.
Dir: Charles Crichton
Stars: Robert Beatty, Simone Signoret, Jack Warner, Gordon Jackson, James Robertson Justice
L'AGE D'OR
1930
*
A couple's love for each other is thwarted.
Being 'surrealist' means never having to say sorry for not having a proper story or any kind of normal characters. Fine if you're into that sort of thing, but this jumble of disconnected scenes and imagery tries the patience of the rest of us.
Dir: Luis Bunuel
Stars: Gaston Modot, Lya LysTHE AGE OF ADALINE
2015
*
A woman reaches the age of 29, has an accident, and stops ageing.
The possibilities of this high-concept film are fascinating but it doesn't really explore that many of them, settling for more conventional things, generally presented in a minor key. The drama increases when Harrison Ford's character enters, and it's not without elegance, but you're left wanting that bit more.
Dir: Lee Toland Krieger
Stars: Blake Lively, Michiel Huisman, Harrison Ford, Ellen Burstyn
AGUIRRE, THE WRATH OF GOD
1972
**
In the 16th century, Spanish conquistadors search for the city of El Dorado.
Much praised but decidedly indolent study of man’s doomed search for happiness, not particularly incisive narrative-wise.
Dir: Werner Herzog
Stars: Klaus Kinski, Helena Rojo, Del Negro
2015
*
A woman reaches the age of 29, has an accident, and stops ageing.
The possibilities of this high-concept film are fascinating but it doesn't really explore that many of them, settling for more conventional things, generally presented in a minor key. The drama increases when Harrison Ford's character enters, and it's not without elegance, but you're left wanting that bit more.
Dir: Lee Toland Krieger
Stars: Blake Lively, Michiel Huisman, Harrison Ford, Ellen Burstyn
AGE OF CONSENT
1969
*
A disgruntled painter goes to the Great Barrier Reef where he meets a beautiful young woman who inspires him.
Curious mix of drama and comedy which could have done with the comedy being chopped out, which also would have made it a more tolerable length. There are pleasures - that distinctive colour of Australian films of the time, Mirren's pulchritude (versions cutting her nudity would have been greatly inferior), a laidback atmosphere in a lovely place that one can happily get lost in - but it's quite slight, and it means what? 1994's Sirens (qv), about the same artist, is the heartier movie.
Dir: Michael Powell
Stars: James Mason, Helen Mirren, Jack MacGowran
THE AGITATOR
1945
*
A trouble-causing socialist unexpectedly becomes the owner of the factory where he works.
An interesting example of British post-war cinema tackling industrial relations and the newly empowered working class, it would be followed by the likes of the [superior] The Angry Silence and I'm All Right Jack. The first Doctor Who, here billed as 'Billy Hartnell', makes for a lively, angry young man who discovers that running a company isn't as easy as all that - but it would be unfair to say that the film is a simple-minded anti-socialism tract, although it is less subtle than its successors. Not a bad watch for scholars of the period, if a bit talky.
Dir: John Harlow
Stars: William Hartnell, John Laurie, Mary Morris, Moore Marriott
AGUIRRE, THE WRATH OF GOD
1972
**
In the 16th century, Spanish conquistadors search for the city of El Dorado.
Much praised but decidedly indolent study of man’s doomed search for happiness, not particularly incisive narrative-wise.
Dir: Werner Herzog
Stars: Klaus Kinski, Helena Rojo, Del Negro
A-HA THE MOVIE
2021
*
Documentary about the biggest pop group Norway has ever produced.
In direct contrast to the bouncy ebullience of their debut hit 'Take On Me', this is something of a mopey plod through the band's lifespan, a band that never seem to be happy no matter what (oh, what a billion others would give for their lives!). Overlong and under-energised in telling, the story is not entirely untypical in the break-ups and reforms it chronicles - while not really acknowledging that A-ha's best work was all in the 1980s, many years ago. Still, it's worth a watch for fans.
Dir: Thomas Robsahm, Aslaug HolmAI: ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE
2001
**
In the future, a robot boy longs to become a real boy.
Spielberg’s Pinocchio-like fantasy is flawed, but there are passages of greatness and those who develop an empathy with its poignant themes of the search for love and its inevitable demise will feel the odyssey’s been worthwhile. One can only bemoan the fact that Stanley Kubrick never got to direct it, though, as that surely would have been a masterpiece: by all accounts it wouldn't have lost its emotional power while it would have upped the intellectualism. Still, while the mid-section slackens its grip a little, this comes after an emotionally shattering scene involving the mother and the boy in the forest - you're impacted by it for a long time after.
Dir: Steven Spielberg
Stars: Hayley Joel Osment, Frances O’Connor, Jude Law, Sam Robards, William Hurt
AILEEN: LIFE AND DEATH OF A SERIAL KILLER
2003
**
Documentary about the final days of female serial killer Aileen Wuornos.
Broomfield ties the knot on his documentation of Wuornos, following his earlier film The Selling Of A Serial Killer - if you've seen that, or Charlize Theron in Monster, this is probably essential viewing. At the end of a grim and sometimes fascinating 90 minutes you're left feeling not that it's indicted the American justice system but rather exposed a sickness in the heart of America. Perhaps the 'best' scenes are those where the woman herself talks, and there is little doubt she is both guilty and mentally damaged - and you can fully understand why she feels continuing with life is pointless.
Dir: Nick Broomfield, Joan ChurchillAIR RAID WARDENS
1943
0
Laurel and Hardy foil a Nazi plot to sabotage a magnesium plant.
There are a few bright moments, but this isn’t the same thing at all compared to their work ten years before.
Dir: Edward Sedgwick
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Edgar Kennedy
AIRBORNE
2012
0
A flight from England to America is disrupted by thieves and an ancient supernatural power.
What an image British filmmakers insist on giving to the world with squalid little horror thrillers like this one, full of unlikeable people swearing like troopers and acting like idiots. Why did we become so sour?
Dir: Dominic Burns
Stars: Mark Hamill, Craig Conway, Julian Glover, Gemma Atkinson
AIRPLANE!
1980
****
A disaster-struck flight is saved by a nervous former pilot.
Freewheeling, hilarious comedy in which the vast majority of gags – which vary from in-your-face to slipped into the background - work fantastically; it proved that previously straight actors could be funny and ushered in a new style of comedy which lasted a good 20 years. Just recalling some of its comic highlights – the jive-talking black men; passengers queuing up to hit the hysterical woman; the bored listener hanging herself; “Have you ever been inside a Turkish prison?”; “Jim never vomits at home” – brings a smile to the face.
Dir: Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, Jerry Zucker
Stars: Robert Hays, Julie Hagerty, Peter Graves, Leslie Nielsen, Robert Stack, Lloyd Bridges, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
AIRPLANE II: THE SEQUEL
1982
*
A space shuttle suffers a troublesome flight.
This follow-up comes down to earth with a crash: most of the jokes are either pale imitations of the original's or ones that wouldn't have been good enough to make the cut on the first film: the result is a truly dispiriting comedy. Let's be thankful a third instalment never came along, despite being advertised at the end.
Dir: Ken Finkleman
Stars: Robert Hays, Julie Hagerty, Lloyd Bridges, Peter Graves, William Shatner, Raymond Burr, Rip Torn
AIRPORT
1970
**
A snowy night is the start of an airport’s problems.
Star-studded, almost irresistible hokum, a big commercial success, it of course led to several sequels, imitations and spoofs.
Dir: George Seaton
Stars: Burt Lancaster, Dean Martin, Helen Hayes, Jacqueline Bisset, George Kennedy
AIRPORT 1975
1974
*
When a private jet crashes into a jumbo jet, a stewardess takes control.
Silly, reasonably entertaining suspenser, certainly not the worst of the series.
Dir: Jack Smight
Stars: Charlton Heston, Karen Black, George Kennedy, Linda Blair
AIRPORT ’77
1977
0
A private airliner goes down in the Bermuda Triangle.
The mixture as before only that little bit dafter. An all-star cast is literally all at sea.
Dir: Jerry Jameson
Stars: Jack Lemmon, James Stewart, Brendan Vaccaro, Joseph Cotton, Olivia de Havilland, Christopher Lee, George Kennedy
AKIRA
1988
*
In 2019 post World War Three Tokyo, a young biker is turned into a psychopath by the corrupt government.
Plenty of people seem to like this furiously busy sci-fi anime but for non-acolytes it's difficult to jump aboard, so fast does it go; of course there's visual imagination but the characters never begin to be distinct or interesting. Plus, why does nearly all the dialogue have to be shouted?
Dir: Katsuhiro Otomo
Voices (English version): Jan Rabson, Steve Kramer, Barbara Goodson
ALADDIN
1992
***
A boy from the street acquires a genie and goes after the princess he loves.
Splendid animated feature with genuine thrills along with hilarious comedy mainly provided by Williams’ genie.
Dir: Ron Clements, John Musker
Voices: Robin Williams, Scott Weinger, Linda Larkin
THE ALAMO
1960
*
During the Texas Revolution, a band of Americans hole up in a fortress in an attempt to slow down the Mexican advance.
Most suitable for American audiences or Wayne fans, this well-known film is something of a chore until the final battle scenes, which actually don't turn out to be as bloody as expected. There's quality here but it's nowhere near as entertaining as, say, Zulu (qv).
Dir: John Wayne
Stars: John Wayne, Laurence Harvey, Richard Widmark, Frankie Avalon
ALAN PARTRIDGE: ALPHA PAPA
2013
*
North Norfolk Digital DJ Alan Partridge finds himself caught up in a siege.
Considering Partridge is one of the greatest comic creations of our time, and a film's been gestating for some time, this has to be considered a minor disappointment: it's not unpleasing but there are very few big laughs, a fair few moderate ones, and some jokes that fall curiously flat too. It's a shame that the plot isn't a little more expansive, there'd been a little more time spent on the script and shooting, that the humour had been that little bit sharper and bolder - perhaps even a more colourful cast would have helped, because as good as Coogan is, he's not quite the whole film. But it's definitely worth catching for Partridge fans - naturally.
Dir: Declan Lowney
Stars: Steve Coogan, Colm Meaney, Felicity Montagu
ALBERT RN
1953
**
American and British prisoners of war build a life-like dummy in a plan to escape their camp.
Archetypal POW drama, solidly satisfying entertainment. It's a good thing the film is in black and white, or the dummy could look pretty unconvincing.
Dir: Lewis Gilbert
Stars: Anthony Steel, Jack Warner, Robert Beatty, William Sylvester, Anton Diffring
ALEXANDER NEVSKY
1938
**
In 1242, a great Russian prince comes up with a plan to defeat invading Germans.
If this was American rather than Russian the critics would call it ‘jingoistic’ – its propaganda is about as subtle as a brick. Dramatically speaking, it’s really just a build up to a big battle, followed by a big battle, but the director’s adeptness with stark imagery and a splendid musical score lift it above the norm.
Dir: Sergei Eisenstein
Stars: Nikolai Cherkassov, Nikolai Okhlopkov, Andrei Abrikosov
ALEXANDER'S RAGTIME BAND
1938
*
A serious musician decides to pursue popular music.
Past-its-best musical romance in which the drama is very much second fiddle to the music; Power never convinces in his part and it's rarely riveting.
Dir: Henry King
Stars: Tyrone Power, Alice Faye, Don Ameche, Ethel Merman
THE ALF GARNETT SAGA
1972
0
Alf is furious at being turfed out of the East End by a government re-housing scheme.
Plain weird second big screen outing for Alf (see also Till Death Us Do Part) which reeks of desperation but somehow manages to stretch its non plot to 90 minutes, ending with a fire in bed after an LSD trip. The vast majority of viewers who aren’t from the time and place of this badly scripted film will be totally bamboozled by it, but since it’s sunk into obscurity there aren’t likely to be many of them.
Dir: Bob Kellett
Stars: Warren Mitchell, Dandy Nichols, Adrienne Posta, Paul Angelis, John Le Mesurier, Joan Sims, Roy Kinnear, John Bird, Roy Hudd
ALFIE
1966
**
A Cockney Lothario strings a variety of women along.
Fresh, frisky, influential sex comedy which takes a serious turn towards the end. It will always quite rightly be remembered as one of its star’s seminal pictures.
Dir: Lewis Gilbert
Stars: Michael Caine, Vivien Merchant, Shirley Anne Field, Jane Asher, Shelley Winters, Eleanor Bron, Denholm Elliott
ALFIE DARLING
1975
0
Alfie is now a lorry driver who picks up women on his travels.
Flatfooted and risible follow-up to Alfie. Somehow our cockney hero has become a Geordie.
Dir: Ken Hughes
Stars: Alan Price, Jill Townsend, Joan Collins, Hannah Gordon, Rula Lenska, Vicki Michelle
ALI BABA AND THE FORTY THIEVES
1944
0
A young exiled prince takes up with a band of thieves aiming to overthrow the Mongols from Baghdad.
Typical old-style Hollywood sabre-rattler that looks pretty (a 2010 DVD release had the Technicolor glowing) but is dull and talky, never sweeping the viewer up in the magic of the Arabian Nights. In terms of its incessant orchestral score, it probably tries too hard.
Dir: Arthur Lubin
Stars: Maria Montez, Jon Hall, Turhan Bey
ALI G IN DA HOUSE
2002
*
A Staines rapper gets elected to Parliament and ends up a hero.
The big screen transference of one of TV’s funniest, sharpest comedians takes the humour about as low as it can go; so as long as you expect to view a crude, rude farce you won’t be too disappointed.
Dir: Mark Mylod
Stars: Sacha Baron Cohen, Michael Gamdon, Charles Dance, Martin Freeman, Rhona Mitra
ALIAS JOHN PRESTON
1956
0
The new rich man about town may be psychologically imbalanced.
Talkative B-feature without much personality of its own.
Dir: David MacDonald
Stars: Christopher Lee, Alexander Knox, Betta St John, Bill Fraser
ALIAS NICK BEAL
1949
***
The devil in disguise tries to corrupt a politician.
Highly satisfactory transfer of the Faust story to modern-day setting; script, performances, atmosphere all just right.
Dir: John Farrow
Stars: Ray Milland, Audrey Totter, Thomas Mitchell, George Macready
ALIBI
1929
*
A crook uses a night out with his wife, the daughter of a policeman, for an alibi to a murder.
Cinema at the crossroads: this was made in both silent and talkie versions and looks like it. There are occasional visual flourishes but the mechanics of it, with stiff chat and the most drawn-out death scene ever, mean its shelf life was always limited.
Dir: Roland West
Stars: Chester Morris, Harry Stubbs, Mae Busch, Eleanor Griffith
ALICE ADAMS
1935
*
A young woman in the South tries to marry above her station.
A film of its particular time and place, not much more than mildly diverting now, but the dinner party scene remains a highlight.
Dir: George Stevens
Stars: Katharine Hepburn, Fred MacMurray, Fred Stone, Hattie McDaniel
ALICE DOESN’T LIVE HERE ANYMORE
1974
*
A widow and her son have various encounters as they move from town to town in search of work.
Much-praised drama - it helps if you have something in common with the characters.
Dir: Martin Scorsese
Stars: Ellen Burstyn, Kris Kristofferson, Diane Ladd, Harvey Keitel, Jodie Foster
ALICE IN ACIDLAND
1968
0
Drugs are the downfall of a female student.
Insane Grade Z exploiter, almost an advertisement for cannabis, as the takers’ lives seem to be one long orgy.
Dir: John Donne
Stars: Colleen Murphy
ALICE IN WONDERLAND
1951
*
A young girl falls into a strange and bewildering land.
Cartoon version of Lewis Carroll’s nonsense classic which makes good use of its animated flexibility but falls short of the standard set by many of its Disney predecessors.
Dir: Clyde Geronimi, Wilfred Jackson, Hamilton Luske
Voices: Kathryn Beaumont, Ed Wynn, Richard Haydn
ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND
1972
0
Tedious and weird version of Carroll’s tale, almost completely studio-bound; nearly too bad for Sunday afternoon terrestrial television.
Dir: William Sterling
Stars: Fiona Fullerton, Peter Sellers, Spike Milligan, Ralph Richardson, Dudley Moore
ALIEN
1979
***
An alien enters a spacecraft and picks off the human inhabitants one by one.
Clever, dark reworking of It! The Terror From Beyond Space (qv), handled with great skill so as to be scary and suspenseful - and a big draw at the box office. Viewed now it does appear a little slow-paced, and the characters largely fail to engage because you don’t know anything about them – but there are memorable moments.
Dir: Ridley Scott
Stars: Tom Skerritt, Sigourney Weaver, John Hurt, Harry Dean Stanton, Ian Holm, Veronica Cartwright, Yaphet Kotto
ALIENS
1986
**
Ripley wakes up 57 years after the original horrors, and is persuaded to return to the planet where the monster came from.
Blockbusting sequel with plenty of expansive action and hefty hardware, only lacking the distinguished cast and subtle suspense of the original.
Dir: James Cameron
Stars: Sigourney Weaver, Carrie Henn, Michael Biehn
ALIEN 3
1992
0
Ripley is stranded on a prison in space with convicts and monsters.
Unpleasant and unwatchable shocker showing modern film-making at its nadir, the sole intention being to sicken, discomfort and horrify.
Dir: David Fincher
Stars: Sigourney Weaver, Charles Dance, Paul McGann, Brian Glover
ALIEN: COVENANT
2017
0
The crew of a spaceship make the mistake of stopping at a hostile alien planet.
The Alien universe has to be one of the most unattractive put on film: each movie presents unappealing, desperate characters in grey and murky surroundings, and this one is no different. Only this time the story is especially turgid, the look permanently dreary and the characters even swearier and dumber than before. One wonders what motivates this near 80-year-old director to go on making these dismal pictures that do anything but add to the sum of human happiness and merely expose his portentousness.
Dir: Ridley Scott
Stars: Michael Fassbender, Katherine Waterston, Billy Crudup, Danny McBride
ALIEN NATION
1988
*
In the near future, aliens live alongside humans on Earth. One joins the police force and gets a partner who doesn’t care for this situation.
Standard, proficient police drama given a novel twist.
Dir: Graham Baker
Stars: James Caan, Mandy Patinkin, Terence Stamp
ALIEN 2: ON EARTH
1980
0
Cavers discover a slimy and aggressive ET.
Nothing to do with Ridley Scott, this is a cheap Italian monster movie (in which the monster is barely shown) with the odd decent gory bit amidst long vacant scenes that say nothing. No rhythm, no tension, no naught.
Dir: Ciro Ippolito
Stars: Belinda Mayne, Mark Bodin, Roberto Barrese
THE ALIENS ARE COMING
1980 (TV)
0
Hostile aliens take over human’s bodies.
There’s little new or exciting in this well-worn retread of a familiar tale.
Dir: Harvey Hart
Stars: Tom Mason, Eric Braedon, Ed Harris
THE ALIENS ARE HERE
1988
0
Aliens plan to invade Earth by brainwashing people with sci-fi movies.
A really strange one this - it may have worked better as a straight documentary on sci-fi movies, or possibly as a movie in its own right.
Dir: Robert Skotak
Stars: Janice Fabian, Christian Lee, Larry Bagby
ALISON’S BIRTHDAY
1979
*
A girl is warned that her nineteenth birthday will be a terrifying one.
Low budget Australian shocker which actually manages to develop quite suspensefully despite its obvious shortcomings.
Dir: Ian Coughlan
Stars: Joanne Samuel, Lou Brown, Bunney Brooke
ALL ABOUT EVE
1950
***
An ambitious young actress ingratiates herself with a great, ageing actress.
Scintillating, near-surreal dialogue and a couple of outstanding performances make this the classic it is, a slow-building, layered grower.
Dir: Joseph L Mankiewicz
Stars: Bette Davis, George Sanders, Anne Baxter, Celeste Holm, Marilyn Monroe, Thelma Ritter
ALL ABOUT MY MOTHER
1999
*
A woman whose son has died in a car accident goes to help a nun with Aids who has been impregnated by a man who is now a woman.
A Marmite movie: some will see it as an engrossing exploration of the goodness of women, others an exhausting talkfest with unattractive and unbelievable characters. Clearly a very personal film by the director, but just not as cinematically interesting as some of his other work.
Dir: Pedro Almodovar
Stars: Cecilia Roth, Penelope Cruz, Marisa Paredes
ALL AT SEA
1977 (TV)
0
Mishaps at a holiday resort called Sea Island.
Imbecilic comedy that makes the Carry On films look like high art – its moronicness cannot be exaggerated.
Dir: Igor Auzins
Stars: Ugly Dave Gray, Stuart Wagstaff, Abigail, Johnny Lockwood
1943
0
Laurel and Hardy foil a Nazi plot to sabotage a magnesium plant.
There are a few bright moments, but this isn’t the same thing at all compared to their work ten years before.
Dir: Edward Sedgwick
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Edgar Kennedy
AIRBORNE
2012
0
A flight from England to America is disrupted by thieves and an ancient supernatural power.
What an image British filmmakers insist on giving to the world with squalid little horror thrillers like this one, full of unlikeable people swearing like troopers and acting like idiots. Why did we become so sour?
Dir: Dominic Burns
Stars: Mark Hamill, Craig Conway, Julian Glover, Gemma Atkinson
AIRPLANE!
1980
****
A disaster-struck flight is saved by a nervous former pilot.
Freewheeling, hilarious comedy in which the vast majority of gags – which vary from in-your-face to slipped into the background - work fantastically; it proved that previously straight actors could be funny and ushered in a new style of comedy which lasted a good 20 years. Just recalling some of its comic highlights – the jive-talking black men; passengers queuing up to hit the hysterical woman; the bored listener hanging herself; “Have you ever been inside a Turkish prison?”; “Jim never vomits at home” – brings a smile to the face.
Dir: Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, Jerry Zucker
Stars: Robert Hays, Julie Hagerty, Peter Graves, Leslie Nielsen, Robert Stack, Lloyd Bridges, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
AIRPLANE II: THE SEQUEL
1982
*
A space shuttle suffers a troublesome flight.
This follow-up comes down to earth with a crash: most of the jokes are either pale imitations of the original's or ones that wouldn't have been good enough to make the cut on the first film: the result is a truly dispiriting comedy. Let's be thankful a third instalment never came along, despite being advertised at the end.
Dir: Ken Finkleman
Stars: Robert Hays, Julie Hagerty, Lloyd Bridges, Peter Graves, William Shatner, Raymond Burr, Rip Torn
AIRPORT
1970
**
A snowy night is the start of an airport’s problems.
Star-studded, almost irresistible hokum, a big commercial success, it of course led to several sequels, imitations and spoofs.
Dir: George Seaton
Stars: Burt Lancaster, Dean Martin, Helen Hayes, Jacqueline Bisset, George Kennedy
AIRPORT 1975
1974
*
When a private jet crashes into a jumbo jet, a stewardess takes control.
Silly, reasonably entertaining suspenser, certainly not the worst of the series.
Dir: Jack Smight
Stars: Charlton Heston, Karen Black, George Kennedy, Linda Blair
AIRPORT ’77
1977
0
A private airliner goes down in the Bermuda Triangle.
The mixture as before only that little bit dafter. An all-star cast is literally all at sea.
Dir: Jerry Jameson
Stars: Jack Lemmon, James Stewart, Brendan Vaccaro, Joseph Cotton, Olivia de Havilland, Christopher Lee, George Kennedy
AKIRA
1988
*
In 2019 post World War Three Tokyo, a young biker is turned into a psychopath by the corrupt government.
Plenty of people seem to like this furiously busy sci-fi anime but for non-acolytes it's difficult to jump aboard, so fast does it go; of course there's visual imagination but the characters never begin to be distinct or interesting. Plus, why does nearly all the dialogue have to be shouted?
Dir: Katsuhiro Otomo
Voices (English version): Jan Rabson, Steve Kramer, Barbara Goodson
ALADDIN
1992
***
A boy from the street acquires a genie and goes after the princess he loves.
Splendid animated feature with genuine thrills along with hilarious comedy mainly provided by Williams’ genie.
Dir: Ron Clements, John Musker
Voices: Robin Williams, Scott Weinger, Linda Larkin
THE ALAMO
1960
*
During the Texas Revolution, a band of Americans hole up in a fortress in an attempt to slow down the Mexican advance.
Most suitable for American audiences or Wayne fans, this well-known film is something of a chore until the final battle scenes, which actually don't turn out to be as bloody as expected. There's quality here but it's nowhere near as entertaining as, say, Zulu (qv).
Dir: John Wayne
Stars: John Wayne, Laurence Harvey, Richard Widmark, Frankie Avalon
ALAN PARTRIDGE: ALPHA PAPA
2013
*
North Norfolk Digital DJ Alan Partridge finds himself caught up in a siege.
Considering Partridge is one of the greatest comic creations of our time, and a film's been gestating for some time, this has to be considered a minor disappointment: it's not unpleasing but there are very few big laughs, a fair few moderate ones, and some jokes that fall curiously flat too. It's a shame that the plot isn't a little more expansive, there'd been a little more time spent on the script and shooting, that the humour had been that little bit sharper and bolder - perhaps even a more colourful cast would have helped, because as good as Coogan is, he's not quite the whole film. But it's definitely worth catching for Partridge fans - naturally.
Dir: Declan Lowney
Stars: Steve Coogan, Colm Meaney, Felicity Montagu
ALBERT RN
1953
**
American and British prisoners of war build a life-like dummy in a plan to escape their camp.
Archetypal POW drama, solidly satisfying entertainment. It's a good thing the film is in black and white, or the dummy could look pretty unconvincing.
Dir: Lewis Gilbert
Stars: Anthony Steel, Jack Warner, Robert Beatty, William Sylvester, Anton Diffring
ALEXANDER NEVSKY
1938
**
In 1242, a great Russian prince comes up with a plan to defeat invading Germans.
If this was American rather than Russian the critics would call it ‘jingoistic’ – its propaganda is about as subtle as a brick. Dramatically speaking, it’s really just a build up to a big battle, followed by a big battle, but the director’s adeptness with stark imagery and a splendid musical score lift it above the norm.
Dir: Sergei Eisenstein
Stars: Nikolai Cherkassov, Nikolai Okhlopkov, Andrei Abrikosov
ALEXANDER'S RAGTIME BAND
1938
*
A serious musician decides to pursue popular music.
Past-its-best musical romance in which the drama is very much second fiddle to the music; Power never convinces in his part and it's rarely riveting.
Dir: Henry King
Stars: Tyrone Power, Alice Faye, Don Ameche, Ethel Merman
THE ALF GARNETT SAGA
1972
0
Alf is furious at being turfed out of the East End by a government re-housing scheme.
Plain weird second big screen outing for Alf (see also Till Death Us Do Part) which reeks of desperation but somehow manages to stretch its non plot to 90 minutes, ending with a fire in bed after an LSD trip. The vast majority of viewers who aren’t from the time and place of this badly scripted film will be totally bamboozled by it, but since it’s sunk into obscurity there aren’t likely to be many of them.
Dir: Bob Kellett
Stars: Warren Mitchell, Dandy Nichols, Adrienne Posta, Paul Angelis, John Le Mesurier, Joan Sims, Roy Kinnear, John Bird, Roy Hudd
ALFIE
1966
**
A Cockney Lothario strings a variety of women along.
Fresh, frisky, influential sex comedy which takes a serious turn towards the end. It will always quite rightly be remembered as one of its star’s seminal pictures.
Dir: Lewis Gilbert
Stars: Michael Caine, Vivien Merchant, Shirley Anne Field, Jane Asher, Shelley Winters, Eleanor Bron, Denholm Elliott
ALFIE DARLING
1975
0
Alfie is now a lorry driver who picks up women on his travels.
Flatfooted and risible follow-up to Alfie. Somehow our cockney hero has become a Geordie.
Dir: Ken Hughes
Stars: Alan Price, Jill Townsend, Joan Collins, Hannah Gordon, Rula Lenska, Vicki Michelle
ALF'S BUTTON AFLOAT
1938
0
A genie gets trapped inside a button; a man finds it, polishes it, and releases the genie.
Wacky knockabout from The Crazy Gang that presumably had them rocking in the aisles; to most audiences today it might as well be in a foreign language. There are okay moments but it's much too long for what it is.
Dir: Marcel Varnel
Stars: Bud Flanagan, Chesney Allen, Jimmy Nervo, Teddy Knox, Alastair Sim
ALI BABA AND THE FORTY THIEVES
1944
0
A young exiled prince takes up with a band of thieves aiming to overthrow the Mongols from Baghdad.
Typical old-style Hollywood sabre-rattler that looks pretty (a 2010 DVD release had the Technicolor glowing) but is dull and talky, never sweeping the viewer up in the magic of the Arabian Nights. In terms of its incessant orchestral score, it probably tries too hard.
Dir: Arthur Lubin
Stars: Maria Montez, Jon Hall, Turhan Bey
ALI G IN DA HOUSE
2002
*
A Staines rapper gets elected to Parliament and ends up a hero.
The big screen transference of one of TV’s funniest, sharpest comedians takes the humour about as low as it can go; so as long as you expect to view a crude, rude farce you won’t be too disappointed.
Dir: Mark Mylod
Stars: Sacha Baron Cohen, Michael Gamdon, Charles Dance, Martin Freeman, Rhona Mitra
ALIAS JOHN PRESTON
1956
0
The new rich man about town may be psychologically imbalanced.
Talkative B-feature without much personality of its own.
Dir: David MacDonald
Stars: Christopher Lee, Alexander Knox, Betta St John, Bill Fraser
ALIAS NICK BEAL
1949
***
The devil in disguise tries to corrupt a politician.
Highly satisfactory transfer of the Faust story to modern-day setting; script, performances, atmosphere all just right.
Dir: John Farrow
Stars: Ray Milland, Audrey Totter, Thomas Mitchell, George Macready
ALIBI
1929
*
A crook uses a night out with his wife, the daughter of a policeman, for an alibi to a murder.
Cinema at the crossroads: this was made in both silent and talkie versions and looks like it. There are occasional visual flourishes but the mechanics of it, with stiff chat and the most drawn-out death scene ever, mean its shelf life was always limited.
Dir: Roland West
Stars: Chester Morris, Harry Stubbs, Mae Busch, Eleanor Griffith
ALICE
1990
*
A wealthy but unsatisfied housewife goes to a Chinese doctor who gives her magic potions to improve her life.
Pleasant whimsy similar in style to the director’s The Purple Rose Of Cairo, rather lacking that film’s succinctness and consistency - perhaps we could have done with fewer potions, such as the one that leads to the flying. Although it's slightly too long, and patchy, it's made with the humanistic intelligence, storytelling dexterity and technical adroitness that even lesser Allen films exhibit; it's also worth noting that the director writes great parts for women, and in Farrow, he found someone who could play them splendidly. But we should tell Americans that 'herbs' starts with an 'h'.
Dir: Woody Allen
Stars: Mia Farrow, William Hurt, Joe Mantegna, Keye Luke, Alec Baldwin, Cybill Shepherd
ALICE ADAMS
1935
*
A young woman in the South tries to marry above her station.
A film of its particular time and place, not much more than mildly diverting now, but the dinner party scene remains a highlight.
Dir: George Stevens
Stars: Katharine Hepburn, Fred MacMurray, Fred Stone, Hattie McDaniel
ALICE DOESN’T LIVE HERE ANYMORE
1974
*
A widow and her son have various encounters as they move from town to town in search of work.
Much-praised drama - it helps if you have something in common with the characters.
Dir: Martin Scorsese
Stars: Ellen Burstyn, Kris Kristofferson, Diane Ladd, Harvey Keitel, Jodie Foster
ALICE IN ACIDLAND
1968
0
Drugs are the downfall of a female student.
Insane Grade Z exploiter, almost an advertisement for cannabis, as the takers’ lives seem to be one long orgy.
Dir: John Donne
Stars: Colleen Murphy
ALICE IN WONDERLAND
1951
*
A young girl falls into a strange and bewildering land.
Cartoon version of Lewis Carroll’s nonsense classic which makes good use of its animated flexibility but falls short of the standard set by many of its Disney predecessors.
Dir: Clyde Geronimi, Wilfred Jackson, Hamilton Luske
Voices: Kathryn Beaumont, Ed Wynn, Richard Haydn
ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND
1972
0
Tedious and weird version of Carroll’s tale, almost completely studio-bound; nearly too bad for Sunday afternoon terrestrial television.
Dir: William Sterling
Stars: Fiona Fullerton, Peter Sellers, Spike Milligan, Ralph Richardson, Dudley Moore
ALIEN
1979
***
An alien enters a spacecraft and picks off the human inhabitants one by one.
Clever, dark reworking of It! The Terror From Beyond Space (qv), handled with great skill so as to be scary and suspenseful - and a big draw at the box office. Viewed now it does appear a little slow-paced, and the characters largely fail to engage because you don’t know anything about them – but there are memorable moments.
Dir: Ridley Scott
Stars: Tom Skerritt, Sigourney Weaver, John Hurt, Harry Dean Stanton, Ian Holm, Veronica Cartwright, Yaphet Kotto
ALIENS
1986
**
Ripley wakes up 57 years after the original horrors, and is persuaded to return to the planet where the monster came from.
Blockbusting sequel with plenty of expansive action and hefty hardware, only lacking the distinguished cast and subtle suspense of the original.
Dir: James Cameron
Stars: Sigourney Weaver, Carrie Henn, Michael Biehn
ALIEN 3
1992
0
Ripley is stranded on a prison in space with convicts and monsters.
Unpleasant and unwatchable shocker showing modern film-making at its nadir, the sole intention being to sicken, discomfort and horrify.
Dir: David Fincher
Stars: Sigourney Weaver, Charles Dance, Paul McGann, Brian Glover
ALIEN: COVENANT
2017
0
The crew of a spaceship make the mistake of stopping at a hostile alien planet.
The Alien universe has to be one of the most unattractive put on film: each movie presents unappealing, desperate characters in grey and murky surroundings, and this one is no different. Only this time the story is especially turgid, the look permanently dreary and the characters even swearier and dumber than before. One wonders what motivates this near 80-year-old director to go on making these dismal pictures that do anything but add to the sum of human happiness and merely expose his portentousness.
Dir: Ridley Scott
Stars: Michael Fassbender, Katherine Waterston, Billy Crudup, Danny McBride
ALIEN NATION
1988
*
In the near future, aliens live alongside humans on Earth. One joins the police force and gets a partner who doesn’t care for this situation.
Standard, proficient police drama given a novel twist.
Dir: Graham Baker
Stars: James Caan, Mandy Patinkin, Terence Stamp
ALIEN 2: ON EARTH
1980
0
Cavers discover a slimy and aggressive ET.
Nothing to do with Ridley Scott, this is a cheap Italian monster movie (in which the monster is barely shown) with the odd decent gory bit amidst long vacant scenes that say nothing. No rhythm, no tension, no naught.
Dir: Ciro Ippolito
Stars: Belinda Mayne, Mark Bodin, Roberto Barrese
THE ALIENS ARE COMING
1980 (TV)
0
Hostile aliens take over human’s bodies.
There’s little new or exciting in this well-worn retread of a familiar tale.
Dir: Harvey Hart
Stars: Tom Mason, Eric Braedon, Ed Harris
THE ALIENS ARE HERE
1988
0
Aliens plan to invade Earth by brainwashing people with sci-fi movies.
A really strange one this - it may have worked better as a straight documentary on sci-fi movies, or possibly as a movie in its own right.
Dir: Robert Skotak
Stars: Janice Fabian, Christian Lee, Larry Bagby
ALISON’S BIRTHDAY
1979
*
A girl is warned that her nineteenth birthday will be a terrifying one.
Low budget Australian shocker which actually manages to develop quite suspensefully despite its obvious shortcomings.
Dir: Ian Coughlan
Stars: Joanne Samuel, Lou Brown, Bunney Brooke
ALL ABOUT EVE
1950
***
An ambitious young actress ingratiates herself with a great, ageing actress.
Scintillating, near-surreal dialogue and a couple of outstanding performances make this the classic it is, a slow-building, layered grower.
Dir: Joseph L Mankiewicz
Stars: Bette Davis, George Sanders, Anne Baxter, Celeste Holm, Marilyn Monroe, Thelma Ritter
ALL ABOUT MY MOTHER
1999
*
A woman whose son has died in a car accident goes to help a nun with Aids who has been impregnated by a man who is now a woman.
A Marmite movie: some will see it as an engrossing exploration of the goodness of women, others an exhausting talkfest with unattractive and unbelievable characters. Clearly a very personal film by the director, but just not as cinematically interesting as some of his other work.
Dir: Pedro Almodovar
Stars: Cecilia Roth, Penelope Cruz, Marisa Paredes
ALL AT SEA
1977 (TV)
0
Mishaps at a holiday resort called Sea Island.
Imbecilic comedy that makes the Carry On films look like high art – its moronicness cannot be exaggerated.
Dir: Igor Auzins
Stars: Ugly Dave Gray, Stuart Wagstaff, Abigail, Johnny Lockwood
ALL COPPERS ARE
1972
*
A married policeman and a criminal fall for the same girl.
The main attraction of this somewhat desultory, poorly titled drama is the Seventies-ishness, in main part the South London location work - you actually see smoke coming out of Battersea Power Station. The riot scene seems oddly out of place and not too well performed. There are nice moments, but characters aren't particularly sympathetic and it can't escape the feeling of general pointlessness, exacerbated by the perplexing sudden conclusion which leaves issues hanging.
Dir: Sidney Hayers
Stars: Martin Potter, Julia Foster, Nicky Henson, Robin AskwithALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN
1989
0
A dog is slain by its enemies but manages to come back for revenge.
Weak, wimpy cartoon feature, a failed attempt to emulate the best of Disney.
Dir: Don Bluth
Voices: Burt Reynolds, Dom DeLuise, Loni Anderson
ALL IN GOOD TASTE
1983
0
A screenwriter is told that he must massively sex-up his film.
Indescribably bad comedy which gives up any attempt at a plot about half an hour from the end when it's content to reel out stock footage mainly from the director's previous documentaries about strippers and nude shows; it's not untitillating but it is dark and dismal looking - presumably it didn't always look so poor? Jim Carrey shows up in a brief silent part in his first film, but you'd be forgiven for not noticing.
Dir: Anthony Kramreither
Stars: Jonathan Welsh, Harvey Atkin, Jack Creley
ALL LADIES DO IT
1992
0
A woman turns her husband on by telling him about her affairs - but he doesn't realise that her stories are true.
There are of course some compensations by the way of lusciously shot female sexuality, but this Tinto Brass sex drama really is the most awful nonsense: the philosophising is dumb, the dialogue laughable (especially in the English dubbed version), the male characters horrible and the story boring. Madcap moments date it and further reduce the viewers' ability to take it at seriously.
Dir: Tinto Brass
Stars: Claudia Koll, Paolo Lanza, Ornella Marcucci, Isabella Deiana
ALL NEAT IN BLACK STOCKINGS
1969
0
A window cleaner pursues a gorgeous girl.
Flaccid alleged comedy with an unlikeable lead, it manages to be both tasteless and dated.
Dir: Christopher Morahan
Stars: Victor Henry, Susan George, Jack Shepherd
THE ALL NEW ADVENTURES OF LAUREL & HARDY IN 'FOR LOVE OR MUMMY'
1999
0
Stan and Ollie come up against an ancient Egyptian mummy.
About as bad as you expect it to be: an attempt to impersonate the duo, build a fantasy comic plot in the modern day around them and shoot it in South Africa. While the leading players can be given a small amount of credit for gamely getting into their parts, the film never even starts to work and the comedy is forced and childish - but then the original duo are irreplaceable in any case. They also gave it a terrible title which doesn't even make sense.
Dir: John Cherry, Larry Harmon
Stars: Bronson Pinchot, Gailard Sartain, F Murray Abraham, Susan Danford
ALL OF ME
1984
*
The soul of a dead millionairess is transferred into a male lawyer’s body.
Similar to Martin’s The Man With Two Brains (qv), not quite as sharp, but providing a fair quota of chuckles.
Dir: Carl Reiner
Stars: Steve Martin, Lily Tomlin, Victoria Tennant
ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT
1930
****
German soldiers fight the Great War and ponder their actions.
The most remarkable film of its day, and the most poignant anti-war message ever put on screen, with a sort of elegiac lyricism that still resonates today.
Dir: Lewis Milestone
Stars: Louis Wolheim, Lewis Ayres, Arnold Lucy
AMADEUS
1984
**
The life of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, as told by a bitter rival.
Sumptuous musical biopic that sounds as good as it looks but is rarely emotionally involving.
Dir: Milos Forman
Stars: F Murray Abraham, Tom Hulce, Elizabeth Berridge, Roy Dotrice, Simon Callow
AMAZING JOURNEY: THE STORY OF THE WHO
2007
**
Documentary tracing the times of one of Britain’s best rock groups.
Solid if not sensational band biography that reveals little unknown to fans but includes plenty of footage from throughout their career – more of Keith Moon would have been nice. The talking heads can be mildly irritating, and the main narrator is totally undistinguished, but it’s a watchable chronicle of a remarkable act.
Dir: Paul Crowder, Murray Lerner
Stars: Pete Townsend, Roger Daltrey, Keith Moon, John Entwistle
THE AMAZING MR BLUNDEN
1972
*
A ghost ask two children to go “back in time” one hundred years to right a wrong.
Downright odd, oh so posh fantasy which may well bore much of the youthful audience it is aimed at. The cast all say goodbye to the camera when the credits roll.
Dir: Lionel Jeffries
Stars: Laurence Naismith, Lynne Frederick, Diana Dors, David Lodge, Madeline Smith
THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN
2012
**
A science student is transformed into a superhero after being bitten by a radioactive spider.
A hasty reboot but one that doesn't disappoint: it may not be quite as much fun as the Raimi movies but it's confidently done and pushes most of the right buttons for a multiplex audience (and it's quite amusing the way it does many things deliberately differently from its predecessors). Performances are fine, special effects are excellent (it's best seen in 3D), humour is in place and the action is nicely judged; the only criticisms a Spider-Fan might have would be that Peter Parker isn't nerdy enough and Spidey isn't strong enough - but after 50 years the webslinger proves that he's still the best superhero in town.
Dir: Marc Webb
Stars: Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone, Rhys Ifans, Denis Leary, Martin Sheen, Sally Field
THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 2
2014
**
Peter Parker has worries concerning his girlfriend and his late parents, while his alter ego Spider-Man battles insane supervillain Electro.
Sequel that's better but still flawed: one problem is that there's too much going on - Peter and Gwen's relationship, the rise of Electro, the mystery of Peter's parents, Harry Osborn's quest - and the tone of it varies wildly, as does the soundtrack. There's a question of what it's actually about, and there are some odd diversions and blind alleys. But despite being flabby in the middle it's an impressive tentpole blockbuster, full of spectacularly rendered 3D special effects and amazing battle royales, underpinned by three strong performances (Garfield, Stone and DeHaan) and a good attitude. It's uneven but gutsy.
Dir: Marc Webb
Stars: Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone, Jamie Foxx, Dane DeHaan
THE AMAZING TRANSPARENT MAN
1960
0
A villain enlists a jailbird to become invisible to commit crimes for him.
This sci-fi starts quite promisingly but soon runs out of promise as very little that happens makes the slightest bit of sense. It's like it was scripted on one single bus journey, with much repetition and contradiction.
Dir: Edgar G Ulmer
Stars: Douglas Kennedy, Marguerite Chapman, James Griffith, Ivan Triesault
AMAZON WOMEN ON THE MOON
1987
**
A collection of sketches mixed in with a spoof of 1950s sci-fi movies.
Patchy but sometimes very funny comedy, a nice window into Eighties American humour and also featuring lots of bright faces from that decade. The best sketches are perhaps Mondo Condo, Pethouse Video, Murray In Videoland, Son Of The Invisible Man, Video Date and Reckless Youth.
Dir: Joe Dante, Carl Gottlieb, Peter Horton, John Landis, Robert K Weiss
Stars: Rosanna Arquette, Ralph Bellamy, Carrie Fisher, Griffin Dunne, Steve Guttenberg, Michelle Pfeiffer, Arsenio Hall
AMAZONIA
1985
0
A young woman is abducted by savages after her parents are murdered.
Largely humdrum adventure that tries to pretend it's earnest but can't hide the fact that it's exploitation thanks to the occasional gore, animal killing and nudity. A time-passer for those in the mood.
Dir: Mario Gariazzo
Stars: Elvire Audray, Will Gonzales, Dick Campbell
AMAZONS
1986
0
Female warriors battle an evil ruler.
Sexy sword and sorcery offering, slain by egregious direction, script and acting.
Dir: Alejandro Sessa
Stars: Mindi Miller, Penelope Reed, Joseph Whipp
THE AMBUSHERS
1967
0
Matt Helm searches for a missing flying saucer.
The third Matt Helm adventure is unstimulating stuff, with the exception of the nubile girls on show.
Dir: Henry Levin
Stars: Dean Martin, Senta Berger, Janice Rule
AMELIE
2001
***
A young woman creates happiness for those all around her.
Delightful feel-good fable brimming with inventiveness, its quirky humour and eccentricities make it a film like no other, one to make even the most miserable feel better about existence.
Dir: Jean-Pierre Jeunet
Stars: Audrey Tatou, Mathieu Kassovitz, Rufus
AMERICA AMERICA
1963
*
The story of a young Greek who is obsessed with coming to live in America.
A film by the director for the director, and the many others who had the same experience, this long, rather dour drama should be more involving given the story it tells, but is somewhat sluggish scene-to-scene and really not helped by a lead actor who specialises in stern, intense looks; it's difficult to be sympathetic towards him. The photography is striking but this labour of love can be a labour to watch.
Dir: Elia Kazan
Stars: Stathis Giallelis, Frank Wolff, Elena Karam, Harry Davis
AMERICAN ANIMALS
2018
*
The true story of four middle-class boys who carried out a heist for the kicks.
Genuinely a heist movie with a difference, in that it includes interviews with the real-life criminals, making for a very curious film; presumably the idea is to illustrate the fine line between fiction and reality (the 'real' bits seem more like a movie than a documentary), a theme that's also evident in the misremembered details between the participants. You expect it to veer into farce but instead it only gets more solemn and agitated, and while it's nowhere near as satisfying as something like the vaguely similar The Disaster Artist (qv), it's a thoughtful film with a novel act at its core.
Dir: Bart Layton
Stars: Evan Peters, Barry Keoghan, Blake Jenner, Jared Abrahamson
AMERICAN BEAUTY
1999
*
A jaded man falls for his daughter’s beautiful friend in the midst of his mid-life crisis.
Overrated, deeply unattractive drama which not only warps once-accepted truths (about families, discipline, drugs etc) but is unbelievable, overheated, portentous and utterly unsympathetic.
Dir: Sam Mendes
Stars: Kevin Spacey, Annette Bening, Thora Birch, Mena Suvari
AMERICAN GANGSTER
2007
***
A drug dealer uses the coffins of soldiers killed in the Vietnam War to smuggle high quality heroin into America.
Involving crime drama, based on fact, that eventually brings out the best in all its participants.
Dir: Ridley Scott
Stars: Russell Crowe, Denzel Washington, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Josh Brolin
AMERICAN GRAFFITI
1973
**
At the start of the 1960s, various school-leavers have a night to remember.
A film in which mood and atmosphere matters more than anything else, it crystalises a certain time and place and to those who experienced something similar, may well be something to treasure for the rest of their lives.
Dir: George Lucas
Stars: Richard Dreyfuss, Ron Howard, Candy Clark, Harrison Ford
AMERICAN HISTORY X
1998
****
An ex-Nazi skinhead tries to stop his younger brother from going the way he has.
Brave, challenging, compelling movie-making that successfully shows both sides of the issue; stars and director have struggled to equal it since.
Dir: Tony Kaye
Stars: Edward Norton, Edward Furlong, Beverly D'Angelo, Stacy Keach, Fairuza Balk, Elliot Gould
AMERICAN HUSTLE
2013
*
In the Seventies, a con man and his beautiful companion are forced to work for an unconventional FBI detective.
It comes as no surprise to learn that the director said 'I hate plots' on the set of this fine-looking but dramatically stuttering film that goes on all sorts of annoying diversions before arriving at its final, gratifying twist; the clothes and the actors might be great to look at - especially the truly stunning Adams - but they're indulged too much at the expense of what could have been a tight, engaging tale, and their characters never begin to be likeable.
Dir: David O Russell
Stars: Christian Bale, Amy Adams, Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Lawrence, Jeremy Renner, Louis CK
AN AMERICAN IN PARIS
1951
**
A painter tries to make it in Paris while sorting out his love life.
No one bothers about the plot much after a while, preferring to concentrate on the highly technical song and dance routines which become more dazzling as the film progresses.
Dir: Vincente Minnelli
Stars: Gene Kelly, Leslie Caron, Oscar Levant, Nina Foch
AMERICAN PIE 2
2001
0
A group of male students attempt to woo women at their summer beach house.
As witless as the first one was funny, this pointless sequel fails to develop the characters (especially the females) and goes for cheap, tortuous gags; the effect is deadening.
Dir: James B Rogers
Stars: Jason Biggs, Shannon Elizabeth, Seann William Scott, Tara Reid, Mena Suvari
AMERICAN SNIPER
2014
**
The story of Chris Kyle, a US Marine with more credited kills than any other.
Eastwood's slight return to form is the tale of a simple yet complex man who did what he thought was right and had more reason than most to believe that he was correct in his beliefs; the film was only controversial to those who don't appear to see the threat from people who gleefully set out to destroy civilisation. In fact, its faults lie with its narrative, which isn't an especially tight or purposeful one, but it's lifted by the technical excellence and visceral nature of its set-pieces.
Dir: Clint Eastwood
Stars: Bradley Cooper, Sienna Miller, Kyle Gallner
AMISTAD
1997
*
In 1839, a slave ship arrives on the coast of America. There follows a courtroom battle to determine whether the slaves on it should be set free or not.
There's a great film in here somewhere but the director's masterplan of turning this into a worthy-as-can-possibly-be treatise means that whenever drama is about to be unleashed it is pulled back by wordy pontificating and repetition, ensuring that wooliness clouds any potential incisiveness.
Dir: Steven Spielberg
Stars: Matthew McConaughey, Anthony Hopkins, Morgan Freeman, Pete Postlethwaite, Djimon Hounsou, Nigel Hawthorne, David Paymer
THE AMITYVILLE HORROR
1979
0
Newlyweds move into a demonic house.
Run-of-the-mill horror which exaggerated facts from a best-selling book, and ended up selling a lot of tickets.
Dir: Stuart Rosenberg
Stars: James Brolin, Margot Kidder, Rod Steiger
AMITYVILLE II: THE POSSESSION
1982
0
A prequel showing how the house in the original film became possessed.
Noisy clattering about with the odd thrill among the sub-Exorcist goings on.
Dir: Damiano Damiani
Stars: Burt Young, James Olson, Rutanya Alda
AMONG THE LIVING
1941
*
In a small town, a man has a murderous twin brother.
Suspense thriller which rolls along quite nicely.
Dir: Stuart Heisler
Stars: Albert Dekker, Susan Hayward, Frances Farmer
AMONG THOSE PRESENT
1921
*
A lowly hotel employee impersonates an English Lord.
Slightly rambling, overlong Lloyd short, the sort you could see Chaplin doing with a bit more satire.
Dir: Fred Newmeyer
Stars: Harold Lloyd, Mildred Davis, Aggie Herring
AMORES PERROS
2000
***
A car crash connects three stories involving men immersed in dog fighting, a tragic model and a homeless hit man.
Well sustained multi-story drama peopled almost entirely by disreputable types, it's deliciously original if not quite the classic claimed by some.
Dir: Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu
Stars: Emilio Echevarria, Gael Garcia Bernal, Goya Toledo
AMOROUS ADVENTURES OF A YOUNG POSTMAN
1970
0
A postman finds extra excitement on his rounds.
Believe it or not, this is a vampire film with a little sex, and in the American re-edit, two cartoon Laurel and Hardy type bats. It’s egregious whatever you do to it.
Dir: Helmut Fornbacher
Stars: Patrick Jordan, Eva Renzi, Amadeus August
THE AMOROUS MILKMAN
1974
0
A young milkman gets into all sorts of scrapes.
Stupid ‘sex’ comedy which goes down all sorts of very tedious, groan-worthy avenues, then suddenly ends. Some of it is weirdly grim too.
Dir: Derren Nesbitt
Stars: Brendan Price, Julie Ege, Diana Dors, Alan Lake, Roy Kinnear, Anthony Sharp
THE AMOROUS SISTERS
1982
0
Schoolgirls are taught sex education by their frustrated female teacher.
Near plotless softcore flapdoodle (the only 'hardcore' scenes involve horses!) typical of this director; over-age girls, pretty Swiss scenery and slow-motion scenes don't add up to much of substance.
Dir: Erwin C Dietrich
Stars: Brigitte Lahaie, Jane Baker, Flore Sollier
AMOUR
2012
**
An elderly man is forced to care for his wife as her health deteriorates.
An unflinching portrayal of the disintegration that will befall many of us, this will be tough viewing for many, either because of the grim reality on show or the long-held shots of nothing much happening, or both. Not an easy film but possibly a necessary one.
Dir: Michael Haneke
Stars: Jean-Louis Trintignant, Emmanuelle Riva, Isabelle Huppert
AMSTERDAMNED
1988
0
Several murders occur around the canals of Amsterdam.
Run-of-the-mill thriller with a few well-mounted set pieces.
Dir: Dick Maas
Stars: Huub Stapel, Monique van de Ven, Serge-Henri Valcke
AMY
2015
***
Documentary about Amy Winehouse, the talented singer who struggled with the fame until her death at the age of 27.
A grim tale of a girl who was always going to cope badly with fame, it's an unflinching look at the perils of drink, drugs, bad friends and money-grabbing guardians that's rarely less than absorbing: the immersion is completed by a huge amount of personal archive footage - you really feel like you're living through the period.
Dir: Asif Kapadia
ANATOMY OF A MURDER
1959
**
A lawyer defends a man who killed his wife’s rapist.
Engrossing, sprawling courtroom drama which used words not heard in the cinema before (rape, bitch, sperm, intercourse, panties etc).
Dir: Otto Preminger
Stars: James Stewart, Lee Remick, Ben Gazzara, George C Scott
ANCHORMAN: THE LEGEND OF RON BURGUNDY
2004
0
In the 1970s, male newscasters are faced with the rise of females in their profession.
Laboured comedy without enough jokes, especially good ones; it's also one of Hollywood's most unsubtle anti-men/pro-women movies.
Dir: Adam McKay
Stars: Will Ferrell, Christina Applegate, Paul Rudd, Steve Carell, David Koechner
ANCHORMAN 2: THE LEGEND CONTINUES
2013
**
Newcaster Ron Burgundy and his pals move into the world of 24-hour news broadcasting.
Hit-and-miss comic ragbag that's essentially a series of semi-improvised sketches built around a loose, vaguely satirical concept; the type of humour varies as much as the quality of the cracks, but when it's funny it's very funny, and many of the performers are probably near the apex of their careers. The weird finale with many cameos, including Jim Carrey and Sacha Baron Cohen, seems to emphasise its importance in the modern comedy world.
Dir: Adam McKay
Stars: Will Ferrell, Christina Applegate, Paul Rudd, Steve Carell, David Koechner
ANCHORS AWEIGH
1945
*
Two sailors go on shore leave in Los Angeles.
The visuals are often sumptuous - including the part-animated sequences - and many will enjoy the energetic dancing, but this comic musical is something of a vacuous bore, the kind of film you can connect with for virtually none of its many, many minutes. It provided happy relief for war-weary audiences though.
Dir: George Sidney
Stars: Gene Kelly, Frank Sinatra, Kathryn Grayson, Dean Stockwell
AND GOD CREATED WOMAN
1988
0
A woman prisoner marries in order to get out of jail and join a rock band.
Glossy, vacuous sex drama, with little in common with the director’s 1957 film of the same name except a poutingly beautiful female lead.
Dir: Roger Vadim
Stars: Rebecca de Mornay, Frank Langella, Vincent Spano
AND NOW THE SCREAMING STARTS
1973
0
A new bride in a country house is terrorised by a severed hand.
Solid Amicus horror with the usual splendid cast.
Dir: Roy Ward Baker
Stars: Peter Cushing, Stephanie Beacham, Herbert Lom, Patrick Magee, Ian Ogilvy
AND SOON THE DARKNESS
1970
**
Two English nurses cycling in France are menaced by a sex maniac.
Beguiling thriller entirely shot on sunny country roads, it successfully creates a tense, distinct atmosphere, and a fine score helps too (it varies from rousing to brooding). Full of red herrings, it's a tad drawn out but does gradually build tension and is overall an extremely likeable movie, one which used to regularly turn up on late-night TV in the 1980s. If one is fluent in French it might make for a slightly different experience, since most of the furtive looking locals speak in that language, without subtitles (it would have spoilt the heroine's sense of isolation if there were subtitles).
Dir: Robert Fuest
Stars: Pamela Franklin, Michele Dotrice, Sandor Eles, John Nettleton
AND SOON THE DARKNESS
2010
0
A pair of American girls holidaying in Argentina run into trouble.
Inferior remake which, while not doing anything particularly wrong, does absolutely nothing original or that you haven't seen before. In this age of Hostel and so on, it even, in a way, looks a little quaint.
Dir: Marcos Efron
Stars: Amber Heard, Odette Yustman, Karl Urban, Cesar Vianco
AND THE OSCAR GOES TO...
2014
*
Documentary about the annual Academy Awards.
Watchable enough, though mostly rather narrowly focused on certain aspects, including the last 20 years or so; the subject matter could fill several fascinating hours as long as it was candid. The pointless inclusion of a couple of words make it unsuitable for the whole family.
Dir: Rob Epstein, Jeffrey Friedman
Narrator: Anjelica Histon
AND THEN THERE WERE NONE
1945
***
Ten people are invited to an isolated house for a will reading, then murdered one by one.
Definitive version of Agatha Christie’s book - stylish direction helps wring every ounce of suspense out of the tale’s machinations.
Dir: Rene Clair
Stars: Walter Huston, Barry Fitzgerald, Louis Hayward, June Duprez, Roland Young
ANDREI RUBLEV
1966
*
Imaginary episodes from the life of a 15th-century painter.
Lauded but tough-going historical drama that doesn’t disprove the notion that Russians are humourless and violent.
Dir: Andrei Tarkovsky
Stars: Anatoly Solonitsin, Ivan Lapikov, Nikolai Grinko
ANDROID
1982
**
In 2036, criminals hijack a police transporter vehicle in space.
Highly likeable science fiction, cannily made on a moderate budget.
Dir: Aaron Lipstadt
Stars: Klaus Kinski, Brie Howard, Don Opper
THE ANDROMEDA STRAIN
1970
**
Scientists work frantically to neutralise a virus that wiped out a whole town.
Detailed, absorbing science fiction, with the emphasis on science.
Dir: Robert Wise
Stars: Arthur Hill, David Wayne, James Olson
ANGEL EYES
1993
0
Murders in Hollywood are attributable to an insane woman.
Technically terrible thriller whose redeemable features are mainly female-shaped.
Dir: Gary Graver
Stars: Eric Estrada, John Phillip Law, Monique Gabrielle, Raven
ANGEL HEART
1987
*
A private detective is assigned to find a mysterious missing man.
Heavy-going, dark noirish thriller which has some rewards if you stay the course.
Dir: Alan Parker
Stars: Mickey Rourke, Robert De Niro, Lisa Bonet, Charlotte Rampling
ANGEL OF VENGEANCE
1980
*
Raped twice in one day, a mute girl takes bloody revenge.
Death Wish with a woman; over-the-top but tangy exploiter with some talent evident.
Dir: Abel Ferrara
Stars: Zoe Tamerlis, Bogey, Albert Sinkys
ANGEL ON MY SHOULDER
1980 (TV)
0
The devil puts a gangster’s soul into an honest politician’s body.
Run-of-the-mill fantasy complete with rather annoying clichés.
Dir: John Berry
Stars: Peter Straus, Richard Kiley, Barbara Hershey
THE ANGEL WHO PAWNED HER HARP
1954
0
An angel comes to Islington.
Floppy fantasy with a curious preoccupation with money. Of no great interest to most.
Dir: Alan Bromly
Stars: Felix Aylmer, Diane Cilento, Robert Eddison
ANGELS AND INSECTS
1995
0
A man marries into a family with a dark secret.
Rather uneventful period drama with attempts at mysticism.
Dir: Philip Haas
Stars: Mark Rylance, Patsy Kensit, Kristin Scott Thomas
ANGELS ONE FIVE
1952
0
Episodes of life in an RAF Squadron during the Battle of Britain.
Regrettably dull war film that ambles along without a strong plot to shape it; on the rare occasions it gets into the air the special effects aren't too impressive.
Dir: George More O'Ferrall
Stars: Jack Hawkins, John Gregson, Michael Denison
ANGELS WITH DIRTY FACES
1938
***
A priest tries to stamp out organised crime in his parish; the ringleader is an old friend of his.
A seminal and trend-setting film, still thrilling to watch. A real shocker in its day, it helped make stars of Cagney and Bogart.
Dir: Michael Curtiz
Stars: James Cagney, Humphrey Bogart, Pat O’Brien, Ann Sheridan
ANGORA LOVE
1929
*
A stray goat attaches itself to Stan and Ollie.
Their last silent short, this was cannier when remade as Laughing Gravy (qv), but there are sprightly bits, including the goat's bath and the passing sailor. Sound, though, gave the boys that extra dimension and ensured their immortality.
Dir: Lewis R Foster
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Edgar Kennedy, Charlie Hall
THE ANGRY RED PLANET
1959
*
Astronauts discover terrible things of Mars.
Special 'Cinemagic' sequences, in which the screen goes red, are the kitsch highlights of this ploddy sci-fi adventure (it makes the beasties look better too).
Dir: Ib Melchior
Stars: Gerald Mohr, Naura Hayden, Les Tremayne, Jack Kruschen
ANGUISH
1987
*
A murderer goes on the rampage in a cinema watching him in a movie.
A bizarre and original idea, often effective and amusing if a little choppy.
Dir: Bigas Luna
Stars: Zelda Rubinstein, Michael Lerner, Talia Paul
ANIMAL CRACKERS
1930
**
Thieves covet a painting unveiled at a swanky party.
Patchy Marx Brothers farce which nevertheless features some of their best material.
Dir: Victor Heerman
Stars: Groucho Marx, Chico Marx, Harpo Marx, Zeppo Marx, Margaret Dumont
ANIMAL FARM
1955
***
Oppressed animals revolt against their cruel owner, but discover that self-rule is even worse.
Excellent adaptation of Orwell’s allegorical classic, probably one of the best books ever written, animation being the obvious medium. While it doesn't improve on the novel, it offers an accessible version of it that may vary in its emotional impact but makes its point about totalitarianism; pity the conclusion is softened.
Dir: Joy Batchelor, John Halas
Voices: Gordon Heath, Maurice Denham
ANIMAL FARM
1999
*
Retelling of Orwell’s allegory, here using live action and animal puppets.
A fair version, but the clever/cute animatronics sometimes detracts from the satire, and the happy ending is a major mistake.
Dir: John Stephenson
Stars: Kelsey Grammer, Ian Holm, Paul Scofield, Patrick Stewart, Peter Ustinov
THE ANIMAL WORLD
1956
*
Documentary about life on Earth from its beginnings to the present day.
Thought lost for many years, but thankfully rediscovered, especially for Ray Harryhausen's dinosaur action, this is a canny and colourful but haphazard nature film that has some, for the time, terrific footage, but spoils things by promoting mistruths like owls being wise and chickens being able to count, showing the horrible 'sport' known as bullfighting, and feeling it necessary to offer some silly sops to religion (blame the time, perhaps). It might not fully hold kids' attention today but that's not necessarily a criticism.
Dir: Irwin Allen
Narrators: John Storm, Theodore von Eltz
THE ANIMALS FILM
1981
**
Documentary featuring disturbing footage of the mistreatment of animals for the purposes of food production, science and entertainment.
Incredibly tough viewing, with humans presented as creatures who abuse their authority – but for evolutionary chance we would not be in the lording position we’re in; sadly, not that much has changed since it was made. In the interests of keeping an open mind, it might be an idea to also view footage of the brutal way animals can treat other animals.
Dir: Myriam Alaux, Victor Schonfeld
Narrator: Julie Christie
ANIMALYMPICS
1979
0
Various animals take part in a major sporting contest.
Inconsequential cartoon feature, too long and somehow a bit irritating.
Dir: Steven Lisburger, Bill Kroyer
Voices: Gilda Radner, Billy Crystal, Harry Shearer
ANNA TO THE INFINITE POWER
1983
0
A girl discovers that she is part of a group of super-intelligent clones.
Dumpy junior science fiction with a terrible title to match.
Dir: Robert Weimer
Stars: Dina Merrill, Martha Byrne
ANNE OF THE THOUSAND DAYS
1969
**
King Henry VIII woos a new bride in the form of Anne Boleyn, but then has a change of heart.
Adept historical drama which looks great and boasts two particularly forceful lead performances; not as cheerful as Carry On Henry (which used its sets and costumes) but more painless than many a royal history lesson.
Dir: Charles Jarrott
Stars: Richard Burton, Genevieve Bujold, Irene Papas, Anthony Quayle, Michael Hordern
ANNIE HALL
1977
****
A New York comedian meets and falls in love with a Midwestern girl, but they eventually break up.
Brilliant, free-wheeling comedy drama, its creator’s towering achievement. Still as fresh as ever, it’s not only superbly funny, hyper-literate and hugely inventive but probably offers more perceptive observations on relationships than any other film which, because they are done in a non-sentimental way, are emotionally affecting - it is a genuine and humanistic and eternal story. There might be no other film with a script with as many superb lines as this one, while the back and forth narrative is impeccably adroit (and is how you remember relationships in real life). With acting, editing and direction that is perfection, this is a movie for the ages.
Dir: Woody Allen
Stars: Woody Allen, Diane Keaton, Tony Roberts, Paul Simon, Shelley Duvall
ANNIHILATOR
1986 (TV)
*
A reporter is pursued by ruthless androids.
Exciting but repetitive sci-fi which develops into a series of fights. Above average for TV, though.
Dir: Michael Chapman
Stars: Mark Lindsay Chapman, Susan Blakely
THE ANNIVERSARY
1968
**
A domineering, widowed mother demands her sons’ presence on her wedding anniversary.
Juicy black comedy which gives the star a fabulous opportunity to be wicked - and she relishes her every line. The script itself is quite odd, like a sort of twisted British Tennessee Williams play which isn't perhaps as pointed as it might have been - and the 'annoyed people shouting at each other' thing was, regretfully, one that would become more common in the succeeding years. A curious, semi-successful, different sort of diversion from Hammer.
Dir: Roy Ward Baker
Stars: Bette Davis, Sheila Hancock, Jack Hedley, James Cossins, Christian Roberts, Elaine Taylor
THE ANOMALY
2014
0
A man appears to live life in ten-minute chunks, and has to find out why.
Incomprehensible and hackneyed sci-fi thriller, clearly the director/star's attempt to show that he is an action hero in the shape of Tom Cruise and a director in the shape of Christopher Nolan - sadly, he very much isn't. The characters are hopelessly clichéd, the situations stolen from dozens of other films, the dialogue unsayable and the whole enterprise a chewy mess.
Dir: Noel Clarke
Stars: Noel Clarke, Ian Somerhalder, Alexis Knapp, Brian Cox
ANOTHER CHANCE
1989
0
A deceased womaniser is given the chance to return and marry his true love.
Dismal mystical reworking of When Harry Met Sally, completely failing to strike the right notes.
Dir: Jesse Vint
Stars: Bruce Greenwood, Vanessa Angel
ANOTHER FINE MESS
1930
**
Stan and Ollie, on the run from a cop, masquerade as butler and master of a house.
Enjoyably elaborate star comedy, a superior remake of 1927's Duck Soup (qv); highlights include Stan in drag, constantly getting Lord Plumtree’s name wrong and the final, bizarre chase.
Dir: James Parrot
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, James Finlayson, Thelma Todd
ANOTHER YEAR
2010
**
A steadfast couple provide support for their insecure family and friends.
The quote about lives of quiet desperation comes to mind watching this, another astute Mike Leigh study of what ordinary people do with their existence. Not much happens but what does happen is sometimes hypnotic: the depression and alcohol abuse of several of the characters provokes empathy, and we get caught up in their all-too-real quandaries. The director’s idiosyncrasies and twitching cast members can irritate, but there’s smart dialogue, mature camerawork and a real feeling that you are living among these folk.
Dir: Mike Leigh
Stars: Jim Broadbent, Lesley Manville, Ruth Sheen, Oliver Maltman
ANTHONY ADVERSE
1936
*
In the 18th century, a young man tries for wealth and power but is in danger of losing his soul.
Lavish epic of the day that still manages to hold the interest, but always had problems, such as March's miscasting and inconsistent characterisation of the lead character.
Dir: Mervyn LeRoy
Stars: Frederic March, Olivia de Havilland, Donald Woods, Edmund Gwenn, Claude Rains
ANTHROPOPHAGUS
1980
0
Tourists get stranded on an isolated island where an insane killer lurks.
Tepid, barely competent horror that gained notoriety because of a couple of outlandish scenes – the creature eating a foetus and, later, his own intestines. Aside from that, it’s just ill-defined, dumb characters wandering around a Greek island accompanied by spooky music, although there is the odd scare to rouse bored viewers from their torpor.
Dir: Joe D’Amato
Stars: Tisa Farrow, Saverio Vallone, George Eastman
THE ANTICHRIST
1974
0
A crippled woman becomes possessed by the devil.
Loopy Exorcist rip-off whose uncertain pacing, bad special effects and shaky performances make you want to watch the original again. It’s not a total write-off thanks to a strong sense of the bizarre, but it’s hard to feel much sympathy towards.
Dir: Alberto de Martino
Stars: Carla Gravina, Mel Ferrer, Alida Valli, Arthur Kennedy, George Coulouris
ANTICHRIST
2009
*
A couple whose child has died go to a cabin in the woods for therapy.
Cinema as a form of endurance: a grueling wallow in grief, pain and despair that is no doubt pregnant with meaning but is so grim not many folk will deign to look for it. It certainly has a sheen of quality, and the scenes with She on the hunt provide a frisson, but it was never going to be a film to inspire much affection.
Dir: Lars von Trier
Stars: Willem Dafoe, Charlotte Gainsbourg
ANT-MAN
2015
*
A burglar meets a scientist who fits him out with a suit that allows him to shrink to the size of an ant.
Marvel's quest to film their comics back catalogue continues, with a moderately successful romp that wisely plays up the humour: it hits some droll targets with its subverting of size expectations (a huge Thomas the Tank Engine, for instance) and at least does a few things different, like having the climactic fight in a little girl's bedroom as opposed to in the middle of a battered city. It misses greatness by not having a particularly strong story or a villain with a clearer plan.
Dir: Peyton Reed
Stars: Paul Rudd, Michael Douglas, Evangeline Lilly, Corey Stoll
ANT-MAN AND THE WASP
2018
**
Hank Pym uses Ant-Man to help him find his wife who has been lost in the quantum zone for 30 years.
Superior sequel that comes as quite a refreshing change from the gigantic and galactic Marvel movies of recent times, being a small-scale caper which is zippy and bright, with plenty of fun to be had with the small/big trickery. And any movie that gets Morrissey in there has something going for it.
Dir: Peyton Reed
Stars: Paul Rudd, Evangeline Lilly, Michael Douglas, Hannah John-Kamen
ANTONY AND CLEOPATRA
1972
*
Mark Antony loses his grip on power thanks to his love for Egyptian queen Cleopatra.
Slightly stodgy adaptation of a Shakespeare play with one of his less gripping or sympathetic plots; there are, of course, good things about it, but it should have been pruned for its cinema incarnation like, for example, Oliver Parker's 1995 Othello. If that had been the case it might not have sunk into obscurity.
Dir: Charlton Heston
Stars: Charlton Heston, Hildegard Neil, Eric Porter, John Castle
ANTZ
1998
*
A worker ant attempts to win the love of a princess.
Standard children’s story given an edge by the hi-tech animation and the use of big stars for voices, particularly Allen in the lead.
Dir: Eric Darnell, Tim Johnson
Voices: Woody Allen, Dan Aykroyd, Anne Bancroft, Danny Glover, Gene Hackman, Sharon Stone, Sylvester Stallone, Christopher Walken
ANY OLD PORT!
1932
*
Stan and Ollie are sailors who save a girl from a violent thug.
Solid short whose highlights include Stan destroying the hotel's sign-in book, Long's imperviousness to pool balls thrown at his head, the vicar's encounter with the fan and 'cats-after-me' - the final boxing match is not quite as rib-tickling as might have been.
Dir: James W Horne
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Walter Long
ANY WHICH WAY YOU CAN
1980
*
A drifter and his orang-utan continue to get involved in brawls and car crashes.
Highly commercial sequel to Every Which Way But Loose (qv).
Dir: Buddy Van Horn
Stars: Clint Eastwood, Ruth Gordon, Sondra Locke
APARAJITO
1956
***
A boy forges his own way in the world.
The second and probably finest of Ray's Apu trilogy (the others are Pather Panchali and The World Of Apu, both qv), this quietly affecting film is not only wonderfully shot and scored (by Ravi Shankar), but demonstrates that a human story is indeed a universal one, no matter how alien the setting can seem; also that everyday life on the screen can sometimes be drama enough, and that there's no easy way to exist.
Dir: Satyajit Ray
Stars: Smaran Ghosal, Kamala Adhikari, Lalchand Banerjee
THE APARTMENT
1960
***
An ambitious employee loans out his apartment to his bosses for their amorous exploits.
Deft comedy drama, superbly performed, shot through with a cynical attitude that has ensured its longevity.
Dir: Billy Wilder
Stars: Jack Lemmon, Shirley MacLaine, Fred MacMurray
THE APE
1940
0
A scientist takes advantage of an escaped ape to find a cure for a woman who cannot walk.
Dumb fun clearly made in a hurry; just over an hour long but probably still not worth taking the time out to watch. Karloff is quite dignified, the plot is utterly mad and overall it’s not quite as bad as you expect.
Dir: William Nigh
Stars: Boris Karloff, Maris Wrixon, Gene O’Donnell
THE APE MAN
1943
0
After injecting himself with ape spinal fluid, a scientist finds he has half turned into one.
One of the many reasons we kind of love Bela, one of the many reasons why his career was so rotten - a cheapjack load of old piffle which most normal people would now turn off after five minutes, even though it can be viewed for free on the internet. Muffled sound and bad picture largely spoil attempts to find much of value, except for a few unintentional laughs.
Dir: William Beaudine
Stars: Bela Lugosi, Louise Currie, Wallace Ford, Henry Hall
APOCALYPSE NOW
1979
***
During the Vietnam War, a soldier is given a mission to assassinate a colonel who has ‘gone mad’.
About as well made as a film could be, especially considering the conditions it was made under, but the content is essentially an exercise in unhappiness.
Dir: Francis Ford Coppola
Stars: Martin Sheen, Marlon Brando, Robert Duvall, Dennis Hopper, Harrison Ford
APOCALYPTO
2006
**
A member of a Mayan tribe desperately tries to escape his bloody fate.
A film not like any other, portraying an environment and way of life that could barely be more alien to the average Western viewer: the director may be a vile man, and one obsessed with bloody violence, but he’s made a film that looks fantastic and, in the last 40 minutes, a kinetic and exciting thriller.
Dir: Mel Gibson
Stars: Rudy Youngblood, Dalia Hernandez, Jonathan Brewer
APOLLO 11
2019
**
Documentary about Apollo 11's trip to the Moon and back.
Refreshingly free of talking heads, forced sentiment, or any sort of distraction away from the remarkable footage captured at all stages of the craft's mission, this highly worthwhile film stands as a tribute to the brilliance of the human race, while also ending once and for all the inane idea that the landing was faked. Some of the audio is inaudible but that only adds to the authenticity, and what a nice touch that the electronic soundtrack only utilises instruments around at the time.
Dir: Todd Douglas Miller
APOLLO 13
1995
*
The 1970 NASA trip to the moon does not go according to plan.
Pretty much exactly the film you're expecting, this is a highly competent space drama that manages to hold the attention despite much of the detail being quite technical; another very smooth production of the like Howard and Hanks are often involved with.
Dir: Ron Howard
Stars: Tom Hanks, Bill Paxton, Kevin Bacon, Gary Sinise, Ed Harris
THE APPARITION
2012
0
Following an experiment to discover the supernatural, a woman and her boyfriend find themselves haunted.
If you were young and had never seen a horror film before then this would probably seem pretty good, but to the rest of us it's wholly unsurprising and unremarkable; there's not that much dialogue but what there is is uninspired, and there's no chemistry between the leads. Little wonder it barely got a release.
Dir: Todd Lincoln
Stars: Ashley Greene, Sebastian Stan, Tom Felton
THE APPOINTMENT
1981
0
A girl uses her strange powers to punish her uncaring father.
Understated to the point of invisibility, this very, very s-l-o-w chiller mostly looks like an AA road information film.
Dir: Lindsey C Vickers
Stars: Edward Woodward, Jane Merrow
APPOINTMENT WITH DEATH
1988
*
Hercule Poirot solves a murder in the Middle East.
Fag end of the Winner/Ustinov series, largely pretty routine.
Dir: Michael Winner
Stars: Peter Ustinov, Lauren Bacall, Carrie Fisher, John Gielgud, Piper Laurie
APRIL FOOL’S DAY
1986
0
College friends spend what turns out to be a murderous weekend at an isolated house.
Scrappy shocker whose conclusion makes the preceding action utterly ridiculous.
Dir: Fred Walton
Stars: Jay Baker, Deborah Foreman
APRILE
1998
0
A filmmaker attempts to shoot a project about Italian politics while his wife is pregnant.
Shapeless oddity that is little more than an irritating motormouth's vanity project in which he says little of consequence.
Dir: Nanni Moretti
Stars: Nanni Moretti, Silvio Orlando, Silvia Nono
ARABIAN ADVENTURE
1979
*
Good and evil princes seek a magic rose.
Derivative and predictable it may be, but this Thief Of Baghdad type fantasy has a fair measure of action and better-than-expected special effects.
Dir: Kevin Connor
Stars: Christopher Lee, Oliver Tobias, Mickey Rooney, Milo O’Shea, Peter Cushing
ARABIAN NIGHTS
1974
0
Tales of love and vengeance in old Arabia.
Agonising tripe which never even begins to engage, from a pretty vile director; yes it looks good, in an arid sort of way, but it's cosmically boring and the characters are largely grinning, superstitious oafs or males who take their clothes off. For masochists, the DVD has 20 minutes of deleted scenes (which are silent).
Dir: Pier Paolo Pasolini
Stars: Ninetto Davoli, Franco Citti, Franco Merli
ARACHNOPHOBIA
1990
**
A jungle spider is transported to a small American town where it breeds a deadly spawn.
Cunningly imagined horror, masterful at manipulating the audience.
Dir: Frank Marshall
Stars: Jeff Daniels, John Goodman, Julian Sands
ARCTIC TALE
2007
*
Documentary about a polar bear and a walrus struggling to survive in the Arctic.
Impressive photography is weighed down with a sugary narration that gives animals human emotions and presents man-made global warming as the single, irrefutable cause of the creatures’ difficulties. Nor is the story as compelling as March Of The Penguins’s.
Dir: Adam Ravetch, Sarah Robertson
Narrator: Queen Latifah
ARE YOU BEING SERVED?
1977
*
The staff of Grace Brothers head off on holiday together.
Movie version of a TV comedy show worth keeping a record of - the ensemble cast was wonderful and there were occasional big laughs from the innuendo-laden script. Disappointingly, this is cheeseparing stuff, as the budget clearly didn't stretch to getting anyone out of Elstree, so consequently the action is slow and confined, and opportunities to do something different are squandered - routines from TV are laboriously repeated and it goes nowhere. It makes Carry On Abroad look like Lawrence Of Arabia.
Dir: Bob Kellett
Stars: John Inman, Frank Thornton, Mollie Sugden, Trevor Bannister, Wendy Richard, Arthur Brough, Nicholas Smith
ARGO
2012
**
An ostentatious plan is hatched to get six fugitive American diplomats out of 1980 Iran.
While not among the classic Best Pictures, this is a cleverly made thriller which comes good in the final third, when the tension becomes almost unbearable - will the group get out of Iranian airspace? The Academy presumably liked the fact that it was a film about films, and that it actually looks like a film that could have been made in the 1970s - including the old Warner Bros logo at the start. Affleck gives a strong, measured performance, but his main talent does appear to be behind the camera.
Dir: Ben Affleck
Stars: Ben Affleck, Bryan Cranston, Alan Arkin, John Goodman
THE ARISTOCATS
1970
**
A jealous butler attempts to get rid of the cats that stand to gain from his mistress’s money.
Decent cartoon feature with some moments that wouldn’t have been out of place in earlier Disneys.
Dir: Wolfgang Reitherman
Voices: Phil Harris, Eva Gabor, Liz English, Scatman Crothers
THE ARISTOCRATS
2005
*
Documentary in which various comedians tell the world’s dirtiest joke, one well known in the industry.
An exhausting experience: 90 minutes of grotty looking footage of people telling the same joke and sometimes analysing it. Actual laughs are rare – culturally, it's strongly American - as only a few of the routines are well enough done or shown in their entirety, which is a shame. A bit weird and far too long but not without value.
Dir: Paul Provenza
Stars: Billy Connolly, Phyllis Diller, Susie Essman, Whoopi Goldberg, Eric Idle, Eddie Izzard, Richard Lewis, Carrie Fisher, Harry Shearer, Jon Stewart, Chris Rock, Bill Maher
ARMY OF DARKNESS
1992
0
The hero of The Evil Dead films is thrown back to 1300 AD where he is forced to battle an army of skeletons.
Barely a sequel, more an unrelated fantasy comic strip, but not a successful one; the constant frenzy of activity, the immature style and the hopelessly mugging lead kill it.
Dir: Sam Raimi
Stars: Bruce Campbell, Embeth Davidtz
AROUND THE WORLD IN EIGHTY DAYS
1956
**
A Victorian gentlemen bets he can circumnavigate the globe in said amount of time.
Sumptuous fantasia notable for big, Technicolor-hued locations and 44 star cameos. It feels like a trial for some of its running time but has its rewards also.
Dir: Michael Anderson, Kevin McClory
Stars: David Niven, Cantinflas, Robert Newton, Shirley MacLaine, John Carradine, Noel Coward, John Gielgud, Trevor Howard
ARQ
2016
*
A couple become trapped in a time loop as they try to fend off intruders.
Low budget sci-fi that gives Groundhog Day (the movie, not the actual day...) another spin, in quite a clever fashion, fashioning itself as a claustrophobic, frantic action thriller. Decent enough, but one's thankful that there aren't as many days in this as in the Bill Murray movie.
Dir: Tony Elliott
Stars: Robbie Amell, Rachael Taylor, Shaun Benson
ARRIVAL
2016
*
When aliens arrive on Earth, a linguist is recruited by the military to form an understanding with them.
About as far removed from the original alien invasion movies of the Fifties as could be possible, this dour, confined, minimally populated sci-fi drama is more like a low budget art film than a pricey blockbuster, and at times makes it feel like the viewer has to take on as much hard work as the lead characters. Not quite as profound as it thinks it is, it nevertheless creates a dense, moody atmosphere and has some novel ideas about alien intelligence - it's thought-provoking but not massively entertaining. The single expletive is as spectacularly pointless as so many others in PG-13s/12s are.
Dir: Denis Villeneuve
Stars: Amy Adams, Jeremy Renner, Forest Whitaker
ARROWSMITH
1931
*
A doctor throws himself into his work despite getting married.
Painless but somewhat ineffectual drama that was shorn of around 20 minutes of footage in later years, meaning a dramatic reduction in Loy's part, which results in an odd and unbalanced movie - but in any case it was probably always incomplete, failing to show the non-medical side of Arrowsmith's life properly. And Colman, as great as he was, is miscast here.
Dir: John Ford
Stars: Ronald Colman, Helen Hayes, Richard Bennett, Myrna Loy
THE ARSENAL STADIUM MYSTERY
1939
*
A footballer is poisoned during a match.
What would have been a fairly routine murder mystery programmer is given added interest by its depiction of the game at the time.
Dir: Thorold Dickinson
Stars: Leslie Banks, Greta Gynt, Ian McLean
ARSENIC AND OLD LACE
1944
**
Two well-meaning, sweet old ladies poison lonely old men.
In itself, this frantic comedy is very well done, slickly performed and shot, but boy is it stagey (it's based on a play, of course) and somewhat exhausting in its goofy relentlessness. Grant is well over the top in every scene and soon becomes tiresome, but he's not the only one.
Dir: Frank Capra
Stars: Cary Grant, Priscilla Lane, Raymond Massey, Jack Larson, Peter Lorre
ARTHUR
1981
*
A drunken playboy will become a millionaire if he marries a girl he does not love.
Rather heavy-handed farce which a lot of people found funny.
Dir: Steve Gordon
Stars: Dudley Moore, Liza Minnelli, John Gielgud
THE ARTIST
2011
***
In 1927 Hollywood, a popular actor fears he will not be able to adapt to talkie pictures, while a young woman he has a chance encounter with becomes a star.
Essentially a very sweet film that tells a straightforward tale and leaves you in finer fettle than when you went into the cinema. Technically it’s wonderful on many levels, including costumes, props, music and animal training, but what stands out most are the performances, especially the two leads (and especially Dujardin), who manage to give two of the year’s acting masterclasses despite keeping their mouths shut. It’s a humble homage, neither a parody nor an exercise in kitsch, and there are scores of neat little ideas in it; it’s just a warm, pleasant filmic experience, crafted with enormous care and conciseness.
Dir: Michel Hazanavicius
Stars: Jean Dujardin, Bérénice Bejo, John Goodman, James Cromwell, Penelope Ann Miller
ARTISTS AND MODELS
1955
0
A comic strip freak telepathically receives top secret information in his dreams.
Inane mix of genres which don't mix; and about double the length it should be.
Dir: Frank Tashlin
Stars: Dean Martin, Jerry Lewis, Shirley MacLaine, Dorothy Malone
AS GOOD AS IT GETS
1997
*
A misanthropic writer surprisingly begins to get along with his gay neighbour and a waitress at his favourite restaurant.
You can guess in advance exactly what's in this James L Brooks film: characters who are a little bit strange, events that are a little bit off-kilter, infrequent obscenities, flat direction, swelling of schmaltzy music at particular moments... It's all here, and it's quite irritating. What also doesn't help is how unbelievable Nicholson's character is - how could a misanthrope write popular fiction so well? - and how unattractive, facially, Hunt is. There are a few funny lines but it's way too long and laboured.
Dir: James L Brooks
Stars: Jack Nicholson, Helen Hunt, Greg Kinnear, Cuba Gooding Jr
AS LONG AS THEY’RE HAPPY
1955
0
A popular American crooner comes to stay at a staid businessman’s house in Wimbledon.
Stupid, frenetic farce which occasionally stops dead for dull songs.
Dir: J Lee Thompson
Stars: Jack Buchanan, Janette Scott, Jean Carson, Diana Dors, Joan Sims, Hattie Jacques
AS THE NAKED WIND FROM THE SEA
1968
0
A young musician in a remote part of Sweden has a sexually adventurous summer.
Slow, strange drama which makes obscure points.
Dir: Gunnar Hoglund, Ulf Palme
Stars: Hans Gustafsson, Lillemor Ohlsson
AS YOU LIKE IT
1936
0
A duke banishes his brother to the forest of Arden.
Stagey Shakespeare saddled with a Rosalind who’s a right pain in the bum and one of Olivier’s less celebrated performances – it struggles to engage the audience, especially a modern one.
Dir: Paul Czinner
Stars: Laurence Olivier, Elisabeth Bergner, Felix Aylmer,
AS YOU LIKE IT
1992
0
An industrial wasteland becomes home for a variety of troubled individuals.
The action has been moved to the modern day and most of it takes place in a desolate part of East London, which gives it a certain earthy vibe - but this obscure Shakespeare adaptation is of very limited appeal, with little to enjoy and much that's incomprehensible (including most of Jones' dialogue).
Dir: Christine Edzard
Stars: Emma Croft, James Fox, Cyril Cusack, Griff Rhys Jones, Andrew Tiernan
AS YOU LIKE IT
2006
*
Love blossoms in a 19th century forest in Japan.
One of Branagh’s less successful Shakespeare adaptations, and like other Shakespeare adaps that don’t come up to scratch, we can pick out the faults: the Japanese setting is pointless, Orlando isn’t very good, it’s absurd that he doesn’t recognise Rosalind when she’s dressed as a boy, and the subplots are given too much precedence over the main plot (although Molina’s Touchstone is fun). On the other hand, the verdant photography is pleasant and, of course, much of the dialogue is spry.
Dir: Kenneth Branagh
Stars: Bryce Dallas Howard, David Oyelowo, Brian Blessed, Romola Garai, Adrian Lester, Alfred Molina, Kevin Kline, Richard Briers
ASHES AND DIAMONDS
1958
*
A Pole is unsure whether to go on killing after the war.
Dull and confusing drama most suited to Polish historians or pretentious film critics.
Dir: Andrzej Wajda
Stars: Zbigniew Cybulski, Ewa Krzyzanowska, Adam Pawlikowski
ASK A POLICEMAN
1938
**
Incompetent policemen encounter smugglers in a coastal village.
Hay comedy not vastly different from the likes of Oh, Mr Porter!, but that's fine if you enjoy the mad irreverence of the three leads, who are essentially Dumb and Dumber and Dumberer, as they act out their inanity at breakfast speed. Whether it will attract new converts nowadays is unsure - let's hope so.
Dir: Marcel Varnel
Stars: Will Hay, Moore Marriott, Graham Moffat, Herbert Lomas
THE ASPHALT JUNGLE
1950
**
Crooks double-cross each other after a diamond robbery.
Highly influential, stunningly shot crime drama with the emphasis on careful, detailed characterisation.
Dir: John Huston
Stars: Sterling Hayden, Louis Calhern, Jean Hagen, Marilyn Monroe
THE ASPHYX
1972
*
A Victorian scientist attempts to separate the spirit of death from his body.
As talkative and loopy as it is, this horror is nevertheless rather endearing thanks to its committed performances and belief in its own mad, but vaguely cerebral, storyline. It also looks great (although the common pan and scan version slightly spoils this) and is the sort of intelligent period gothic drama that would sadly not be made in Britain for much longer.
Dir: Peter Newbrook
Stars: Robert Powell, Robert Stephens, Jane Lapotaire
ASSASSIN
1986 (TV)
0
An ex-CIA agent tracks down a robot programmed to kill government officials.
Terminator-style TV movie which gets by.
Dir: Sandor Stern
Stars: Robert Conrad, Karen Austin, Richard Young
THE ATOMIC CAFE
1982
*
Documentary compiling US government defence films of the Forties and Fifties, ranging from cartoons for children to footage of nuclear bomb experiments in the Pacific.
There's much to grab the attention in this historically interesting picture which reminds viewers of certain ages how real the nuclear threat once seemed; but it doesn't progress beyond a certain point, either timeline- or intellectual-wise, and there's never an admittance that it actually was a very good thing that the US possessed atomic bombs since the totalitarian USSR also did.
Dir: Jayne Loader, Kevin Rafferty, Pierce Rafferty
THE ATOMIC SUBMARINE
1959
0
A submarine investigates when several ships disappear around the North Pole.
Steered by a stern voiceover, this is a somewhat grey underwater drama, stuffed with men talking in corners of sets, dodgy model work and stock footage; it's probably only for fans of budget Fifties sci-fi.
Dir: Spencer Gordon Bennet
Stars: Arthur Franz, Dick Foran, Brett Halsey, Tom Conway
ATOMISED
2006
**
Two half-brothers, sons of a decadent hippy mother, have difficult lives and problems with women in the second half of the 20th century.
If a 'proper' adaptation of Michel Houellebecq's scintillating novel was attempted it would sadly likely be banned around the world, and this softened version does lose a lot of its causticness, eroticism, despair and power, but in itself it's watchable and interesting, a chronicle of the unfairness, the brutality, the misery, the randomness of life. But reading the book remains the better idea.
Dir: Oskar Roehler
Stars: Moritz Bleibtreu, Christian Ulmen, Franka Potente, Martina Gedeck
ATONEMENT
2007
***
Two lovers are torn apart by the actions of a 13-year-old girl.
Extremely well made tragic love story which translates the book’s teasing, puzzling structure into highly cinematic terms; the cast is excellent, the sense of the grimness of war conveyed chillingly well and only a few longeurs stop it from being a totally satisfying experience.
Dir: Joe Wright
Stars: James McAvoy, Keira Knightley, Romola Garai, Saoirse Ronan, Vanessa Redgrave
THE AVENGERS
1998
0
Agents Steed and Emma Peel come up against a maniac intent on controlling the weather.
Although not the absolute disaster that it’s usually claimed to be, this reimaging of the Sixties TV show gets a lot more wrong than it gets right: the two leads are colourless and have no chemistry, the dialogue is limp, the lead villain is dire and the plot makes very little sense – this is partly due to it being cut by around 45 minutes for theatrical release after ill-received test screenings. Those who love the original series could easily treble the amount of complaints here.
Dir: Jeremiah Chechik
Stars: Ralph Fiennes, Uma Thurman, Sean Connery, Patrick Macnee, Jim Broadbent, Eddie Izzard
AVENGERS ASSEMBLE
2012
**
Nick Fury brings a group of superheroes together to fight evil Asgardian god Loki.
Marvel’s long-awaited amalgamation of many of their top heroes into one picture has to be judged a pretty fair success, and a good example of a living, breathing comic strip: the individual super-types prove to be better suited to a team movie – they’re possibly not quite strong enough to star in a really great film of their own – and when it all comes together, particularly in the second half, comic book fans will not be the only people in the audience feeling a satisfying thrill. Dialogue is above average, special effects extraordinary, the plot pleasingly straightforward, the tone quite bright and the actors attractive, but those who praised it to the skies should remember that this is partly because it could have been a disaster, and also that it’s hardly up there with ‘proper’ classic movies. Finally, it’s worth noting that Hulk’s encounter with Loki is the funniest thing in years.
Dir: Joss Whedon
Stars: Robert Downey Jr, Chris Evans, Scarlett Johansson, Chris Hemsworth, Mark Ruffalo, Jeremy Renner, Tom Hiddleston, Samuel L Jackson, Cobie Smulders, Gwyneth Paltrow
AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON
2015
*
Tony Stark and Bruce Banner unwittingly unleash the awesome force of Ultron upon the world.
More dazzling superheroics along similar lines to the first film; it's difficult to say what is more overwhelming: the special effects, the ensemble of vibrant personalities, the amount of incident that is packed in, the number of people on the final credits... Whatever, Marvel fans will likely have their cake and eat it, and it's very rich chocolate cake at that.
Dir: Joss Whedon
Stars: Robert Downey Jr, Chris Evans, Scarlett Johansson, Chris Hemsworth, Mark Ruffalo, Jeremy Renner, James Spader, Samuel L Jackson, Paul Bettany, Cobie Smulders
AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR
2018
*
The whole universe is threatened by the might of superbeing Thanos.
Fans of this franchise collectively wet themselves with excitement at this movie, and the first thing to say is that there are an incredible amount of things going on - little dilemmas are created, and then solved by some application of enormous expense, but how much do they really matter, what with it all being made up...? The catering bill alone for this blockbuster must have been astronomical, and the money does show on screen, as it's frequently spectacular, but nitpickers might say that the humour in these Marvel films is never very funny, it's much too long, it's hard to get invested in the multitude of characters and it's too science-fiction-y. But those fans would ignore you and comment on something like how Spider-Man's Iron Spider costume is pretty cool.
Dir: Anthony Russo, Joe Russo
Stars: Robert Downey Jr, Chris Hemsworth, Mark Ruffalo, Chris Evans, Josh Brolin, Benedict Cumberbatch, Tom Holland, Scarlett Johansson, Zoe Saldana, Paul Bettany
AVENGERS: ENDGAME
2019
***
The Avengers hunt down Thanos.
Modern popular entertainment does not get more epic than this, and the money and man-hours that went into it are truly mind-boggling - it really speaks to how remarkable human beings are when they collaborate and create in a myriad of ways, and it's in particular testament to these directors' ability to control so many characters and storylines. The film demands a high rating, despite being a little too drawn out and aware of its own importance, because of its scale and ambition, and also because of its heart (we care about heroes we've now known for so long), its skilled assemblage and ability to make moments, such as those in the final battle, that are beyond dazzling spectacle. The best of the Avengers movies and probably the best Marvel Universe movie will have fans in heaven.
Dir: Anthony Russo, Joe Russo
Stars: Robert Downey Jr, Chris Evans, Mark Ruffalo, Chris Hemsworth, Jeremy Renner, Paul Rudd, Josh Brolin, Scarlett Johansson, Karen Gillan
AVENTURE MALGACHE
1944
*
A man relates the adventures he had while in the Resistance.
One of two shorts (the other was Bon Voyage, qv) that Hitchcock made as wartime propaganda. An interesting relic.
Dir: Alfred Hitchcock
Stars: The Moliere Players
THE AVIATOR
2004
*
The life of Howard Hughes; aviator, movie maker, womaniser, nutter.
Handsome but extremely long and unsatisfactory biopic; the size of the task eventually defeats Scorsese - there’s no real focus or vision.
Dir: Martin Scorsese
Stars: Leonardo DiCaprio, Cate Blanchett, Kate Beckinsale, Alec Baldwin, Alan Alda, Ian Holm, Jude Law
L’AVVENTURA
1960
*
Friends take a boat to a remote island but one mysteriously disappears…
…which sounds intriguing, but as all fans of this film know, this plotline goes nowhere, and goes nowhere slowly. Despite all the plaudits it’s been awarded over the years, the movie is ultimately unsatisfying – in fact it’s unsatisfying at least an hour before it ends.
Dir: Michelangelo Antonioni
Stars: Gabriele Ferzetti, Monica Vitti, Lea Massari
THE AWAKENING
1980
0
An archaeologist believes his daughter to be possessed by an Egyptian queen.
Bloated horror which goes at a torpid pace.
Dir: Mike Newell
Stars: Charlton Heston, Susannah York, Jill Townsend
AWAKENINGS
1990
**
In the late Sixties, a shy doctor comes to realise that a certain drug can give catatonic patients a decent life.
Over-sentimental and simplified it may be, but this drama has a solid professionalism, star names and a fascinating story to tell - its intentions are, on balance, good.
Dir: Penny Marshall
Stars: Robin Williams, Robert De Niro, Julie Kavner, John Heard
THE AWFUL DR ORLOFF
1962
0
A mad doctor kills young women in an effort to restore his daughter’s looks.
The director's fourth feature film, and his first horror, is remarkably professional and well-mounted compared to the depths he would sink to years later when he'd make perhaps one movie a month - the black-and-white gothica of some scenes is quite impressive, even if the story is unremarkable and the police procedural stuff takes up too much time. The dubbing's poor and there's a bit of nudity in some prints. Note: French police officers investigating abduction cases will choose to go to bed rather than open an envelope to them marked 'urgent'.
Dir: Jess Franco
Stars: Howard Vernon, Conrado San Martin, Diana Lorys, Perla Cristal
THE AWFUL TRUTH
1937
**
A couple split up, then realise they really need each other.
Fondly remembered crazy comedy, a successful transition from stage play.
Dir: Leo McCarey
Stars: Irene Dunne, Cary Grant, Ralph Bellamy
AXE
1977
0
Three thugs invite themselves into the home of a strange girl and her paralysed grandfather.
A slip of a horror film, very low budget and just over an hour long, it doesn’t really amount to much because it’s so lean in every department. It was deemed obscene by the Director of Public Prosecutions but is pretty tame on the gore front.
Dir: Frederick R Friedel
Stars: Leslie Lee, Jack Canon, Ray Green
1989
0
A dog is slain by its enemies but manages to come back for revenge.
Weak, wimpy cartoon feature, a failed attempt to emulate the best of Disney.
Dir: Don Bluth
Voices: Burt Reynolds, Dom DeLuise, Loni Anderson
ALL IN GOOD FUN
1955
0
Comedian Bob Monkhouse introduces clips from the early days of cinema.
A short (50m) compilation in the vein of Robert Youngson's nostalgic lookbacks that were popular at the time, although this is much inferior to them, and much cheaper (you'd guess the director didn't have to pay for any of the material). Monkhouse's trademark smarmy style isn't endearing, and the disparate clips are often too short or unfocused to engage. There are, however, some pleasures in seeing the art form's primitive beginnings, and its enthusiastic participants.
Dir: James M Anderson
ALL IN GOOD TASTE
1983
0
A screenwriter is told that he must massively sex-up his film.
Indescribably bad comedy which gives up any attempt at a plot about half an hour from the end when it's content to reel out stock footage mainly from the director's previous documentaries about strippers and nude shows; it's not untitillating but it is dark and dismal looking - presumably it didn't always look so poor? Jim Carrey shows up in a brief silent part in his first film, but you'd be forgiven for not noticing.
Dir: Anthony Kramreither
Stars: Jonathan Welsh, Harvey Atkin, Jack Creley
ALL LADIES DO IT
1992
0
A woman turns her husband on by telling him about her affairs - but he doesn't realise that her stories are true.
There are of course some compensations by the way of lusciously shot female sexuality, but this Tinto Brass sex drama really is the most awful nonsense: the philosophising is dumb, the dialogue laughable (especially in the English dubbed version), the male characters horrible and the story boring. Madcap moments date it and further reduce the viewers' ability to take it at seriously.
Dir: Tinto Brass
Stars: Claudia Koll, Paolo Lanza, Ornella Marcucci, Isabella Deiana
ALL NEAT IN BLACK STOCKINGS
1969
0
A window cleaner pursues a gorgeous girl.
Flaccid alleged comedy with an unlikeable lead, it manages to be both tasteless and dated.
Dir: Christopher Morahan
Stars: Victor Henry, Susan George, Jack Shepherd
THE ALL NEW ADVENTURES OF LAUREL & HARDY IN 'FOR LOVE OR MUMMY'
1999
0
Stan and Ollie come up against an ancient Egyptian mummy.
About as bad as you expect it to be: an attempt to impersonate the duo, build a fantasy comic plot in the modern day around them and shoot it in South Africa. While the leading players can be given a small amount of credit for gamely getting into their parts, the film never even starts to work and the comedy is forced and childish - but then the original duo are irreplaceable in any case. They also gave it a terrible title which doesn't even make sense.
Dir: John Cherry, Larry Harmon
Stars: Bronson Pinchot, Gailard Sartain, F Murray Abraham, Susan Danford
ALL OF ME
1984
*
The soul of a dead millionairess is transferred into a male lawyer’s body.
Similar to Martin’s The Man With Two Brains (qv), not quite as sharp, but providing a fair quota of chuckles.
Dir: Carl Reiner
Stars: Steve Martin, Lily Tomlin, Victoria Tennant
ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT
1930
****
German soldiers fight the Great War and ponder their actions.
The most remarkable film of its day, and the most poignant anti-war message ever put on screen, with a sort of elegiac lyricism that still resonates today.
Dir: Lewis Milestone
Stars: Louis Wolheim, Lewis Ayres, Arnold Lucy
ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT
2022
**
A young German soldier endures the hell of World War I.
More than a hundred years after the end of the conflict, and in the midst of Russia's invasion of Ukraine, this Netflix version of the story shows in more unflinching detail than ever the terrible toil that war takes upon youthful men, near-helpless pawns in a deadly game played by distant generals and majors (by now, we've become accustomed to this message). Like so many big studio productions of its day, it's too long, with dull bits, but as it builds towards the armistice it grows in power and urgency, possibly while neglecting individual characterisations. The combat sequences are cutting edge and remarkable - how do they do such stuff so well?
Dir: Edward Berger
Stars: Felix Kammerer, Albrecht Schuch, Aaron HilmerALL THAT HEAVEN ALLOWS
1955
*
An upper class woman is shunned when she falls in love with her gardener.
A typical Sirk Fifties film in that it's a soapy melodrama with brains behind it, along with sumptuous art direction that gives it a lovely glow. The key thing to comment on might be Rock Hudson, whose presence, as ever, given what we know now about his homosexuality, lends the tale a different perspective, and Sirk would have known this - it could be argued that the class/age difference is just a metaphor. This, along with its sets and photography, elevates it.
Dir: Douglas Sirk
Stars: Jane Wyman, Rock Hudson, Agnes Moorehead, Conrad Nagel
ALL THAT JAZZ
1979
***
A show director pushes himself too far in the pursuit of his work.
Dynamic, dazzling and different semi-biopic which pairs its life-enhancing dance routines with an obsession with death. Not for everybody, but incredibly well done.
Dir: Bob Fosse
Stars: Roy Scheider, Jessica Lange, Leland Palmer, Ann Reinking
ALL THAT MONEY CAN BUY
1941
***
A down-on-his-luck farmer succumbs to the temptations of the Devil.
Probably the definitive version of the story of the man who sells his soul for brief happiness; the photography and trick effects are excellent but it rather lacks a heart, possibly because the central character is not especially sympathetic. Still, Huston is great value as Beezlebub.
Dir: William Dieterle
Stars: Walter Huston, James Craig, Jane Darwell, Simone Simon, Gene Lockhart
ALL THE COLOURS OF THE DARK
1972
0
A woman who lost her baby in a car crash has nightmarish visions.
Another rubbishy Italian horror, in which a fetching heroine looks terrified and tiresomely acts in exactly the same manner for almost the entire film; lacking sense, luminosity and suspense it's essentially an exercise in how not to make a thriller. A few nice shots of Seventies London are its only saving grace.
Dir: Sergio Martino
Stars: Edwige Fenech, George Hilton, Ivan Rassimov
ALL THE KING'S MEN
1949
***
A politician rises to become a popular state governor, but his methods are underhand.
Quintessential Hollywood political melodrama that may suffer from gaps in narrative and underdeveloped characters but moves briskly and is confidently handled. The messages it conveys are clear: power corrupts; and the ends never justify the means.
Dir: Robert Rossen
Stars: Broderick Crawford, John Ireland, Joanne Dru, John Derek, Mercedes McCambridge
ALL THE KING'S MEN
2006
0
A newspaper reporter seeks to discredit a judge who is planning to impeach a politician whom the journalist works for.
Lumbering political drama, a far less effective filming of Warren's novel than the 1949 film, it takes the strange decision to largely focus on Law's attempts to blackmail Hopkins and his relationship with Winslet. Unfortunately there's no sense that any of this particularly matters because Penn's character has not been convincingly fleshed out and we care not a jot about the lovers. An inert and empty film.
Dir: Steven Zallian
Stars: Jude Law, Sean Penn, Anthony Hopkins, Kate Winslet, Mark Ruffalo
ALL THE PRESIDENT’S MEN
1976
***
Washington Post reporters uncover evidence that eventually forces the resignation of President Nixon.
Absorbingly detailed re-enactment of startling facts, done in the cinematic fashion of the day.
Dir: Alan J Pakula
Stars: Robert Redford, Dustin Hoffman, Martin Balsam, Jack Warden, Jason Robards
ALL THE RIGHT NOISES
1969
*
A married man has an affair with a 15-year-old girl.
A well made, desultory tale which is too understated: frequently the dialogue is commonplace and does not propel the drama, and the viewers’ emotions are barely stirred. Nice location footage, though.
Dir: Gerry O’Hara
Stars: Tom Bell, Olivia Hussey, Judy Carne
ALL THIS, AND HEAVEN TOO
1940
**
An Englishwoman becomes governess to French children with a very difficult mother.
Most female audiences watching in wartime must have loved this plush sentimental melodrama, a highly professional Hollywood product with some great performances; it still pretty much stands up but is a bit too long.
Dir: Anatole Litvak
Stars: Bette Davis, Charles Boyer, Barbara O'Neil, Jeffrey Lynn
ALL THIS AND WORLD WAR TWO
1977
0
Footage of World War Two set to Beatles music (though unfortunately not the originals), a real curio, but also a bit of an awful mess. Perhaps a narrator was needed to give the madness some sense.
Dir: Susan Winslow
ALLIGATOR
1980
*
A baby alligator flushed down a toilet grows to enormous proportions.
Low budget monster movie, not a complete write-off.
Dir: Lewis Teague
Stars: Robert Forster, Robin Riker, Michael V Gazzo
THE ALLIGATOR PEOPLE
1959
*
When a man abruptly exits their honeymoon, a woman determines to track her husband down, and comes across the scaly truth.
More Fifties monster madness with better than average cinematography and acting - Garland gives it her all and Chaney has plenty of fun with his belligerent, sleazy character. The story has a fair few dead spots but there's also some kitschy high spots, including the alligator man playing piano in the dark and the final fateful transformation (complete with trousers).
Dir: Roy Del Ruth
Stars: Beverly Garland, Bruce Bennett, Lon Chaney Jr, Richard Crane
L'AMANT DOUBLE
2017
*
An unhappy young woman falls for her psychoanalyst.
Any film that starts with a close-up of a probed vagina is going to be a little different, and this proves to be the case: the trouble is it goes way too far, twisting and turning to such a degree, with frequent new revelations (that may or may not be 'reality'), that the viewer drowns in its contrivances - or at least becomes too distrustful of the storyteller. Still, it intrigues, and has a distinct, chilly style.
Dir: Francois Ozon
Stars: Marine Vacth, Jeremie Renier, Jacqueline Bisset
ALMOST FAMOUS
2000
***
In 1973, a 15-year-old journalist gets to travel with a rock band around America.
Curiously beguiling semi-autobiographical drama that’s more placid than you expect but eventually wins you over with its sunny demeanour. Well acted, keenly scripted and lushly shot, it may feature a world that’s not of much intellectual interest - the world of rock ‘n’ roll - but has enough humour and verisimilitude to be fairly high in the hit parade of music movies.
Dir: Cameron Crowe
Stars: Patrick Fugit, Billy Crudup, Kate Hudson, Francis McDormand, Jason Lee, Zooey Deschanel, Philip Seymour Hoffman
ALMOST HUMAN
1974
0
A violent small-time criminal ups his game by kidnapping a rich man's daughter.
Limited, shallow crime drama that is so bereft of ideas it just has its main man pull the trigger when it's not sure where to go next. Its American title, The Death Dealer, is more apt.
Dir: Umberto Lenzi
Stars: Tomas Milian, Henry Silva, Laura Belli
ALONE IN THE DARK
1982
0
Psychopaths escape from an institution and go after one of the doctors.
Slow-starting thriller which reaches a more exciting siege climax.
Dir: Jack Sholder
Stars: Jack Palance, Donald Pleasence, Martin Landau, Dwight Schultz
ALONG CAME AUNTIE
1926
0
A woman will only inherit her aunt’s money if her aunt doesn’t discover that she has remarried.
Broad farce with much dressing up and fisticuffs. One of the most seen Hardy solo films because of its presence on the Laurel and Hardy Collection.
Dir: Fred Guiol, Richard Wallace
Stars: Glenn Tryon, Vivien Oakland, Oliver Hardy
ALPHAVILLE
1965
*
A secret agent travels across space to find himself in a computer-controlled society.
Glum, frequently puzzling, occasionally arresting but generally rather dull fantasy in which contemporary Paris doubles for a futuristic world.
Dir: Jean-Luc Godard
Stars: Eddie Constantine, Anna Karina, Howard Vernon
ALTERED STATES
1980
*
A scientist attempts to hallucinate himself back into primitive states of human evolution.
Basically Jekyll and Hyde, but done very seriously, so the appearance of the monster seems to jar with the rest of the picture. Some impressive visuals suffice.
Dir: Ken Russell
Stars: William Hurt, Blair Brown, Bob Balaban
ALWAYS
1989
*
A dead pilot returns as a ghost to help out his friend.
Skilfully handled Spielberg remake of A Guy Named Joe, perhaps a little over-sentimental.
Dir: Steven Spielberg
Stars: Richard Dreyfuss, Holly Hunter, Brad Johnson, Audrey Hepburn, John Goodman
1979
***
A show director pushes himself too far in the pursuit of his work.
Dynamic, dazzling and different semi-biopic which pairs its life-enhancing dance routines with an obsession with death. Not for everybody, but incredibly well done.
Dir: Bob Fosse
Stars: Roy Scheider, Jessica Lange, Leland Palmer, Ann Reinking
ALL THAT MONEY CAN BUY
1941
***
A down-on-his-luck farmer succumbs to the temptations of the Devil.
Probably the definitive version of the story of the man who sells his soul for brief happiness; the photography and trick effects are excellent but it rather lacks a heart, possibly because the central character is not especially sympathetic. Still, Huston is great value as Beezlebub.
Dir: William Dieterle
Stars: Walter Huston, James Craig, Jane Darwell, Simone Simon, Gene Lockhart
ALL THE COLOURS OF THE DARK
1972
0
A woman who lost her baby in a car crash has nightmarish visions.
Another rubbishy Italian horror, in which a fetching heroine looks terrified and tiresomely acts in exactly the same manner for almost the entire film; lacking sense, luminosity and suspense it's essentially an exercise in how not to make a thriller. A few nice shots of Seventies London are its only saving grace.
Dir: Sergio Martino
Stars: Edwige Fenech, George Hilton, Ivan Rassimov
ALL THE KING'S MEN
1949
***
A politician rises to become a popular state governor, but his methods are underhand.
Quintessential Hollywood political melodrama that may suffer from gaps in narrative and underdeveloped characters but moves briskly and is confidently handled. The messages it conveys are clear: power corrupts; and the ends never justify the means.
Dir: Robert Rossen
Stars: Broderick Crawford, John Ireland, Joanne Dru, John Derek, Mercedes McCambridge
ALL THE KING'S MEN
2006
0
A newspaper reporter seeks to discredit a judge who is planning to impeach a politician whom the journalist works for.
Lumbering political drama, a far less effective filming of Warren's novel than the 1949 film, it takes the strange decision to largely focus on Law's attempts to blackmail Hopkins and his relationship with Winslet. Unfortunately there's no sense that any of this particularly matters because Penn's character has not been convincingly fleshed out and we care not a jot about the lovers. An inert and empty film.
Dir: Steven Zallian
Stars: Jude Law, Sean Penn, Anthony Hopkins, Kate Winslet, Mark Ruffalo
ALL THE PRESIDENT’S MEN
1976
***
Washington Post reporters uncover evidence that eventually forces the resignation of President Nixon.
Absorbingly detailed re-enactment of startling facts, done in the cinematic fashion of the day.
Dir: Alan J Pakula
Stars: Robert Redford, Dustin Hoffman, Martin Balsam, Jack Warden, Jason Robards
ALL THE RIGHT NOISES
1969
*
A married man has an affair with a 15-year-old girl.
A well made, desultory tale which is too understated: frequently the dialogue is commonplace and does not propel the drama, and the viewers’ emotions are barely stirred. Nice location footage, though.
Dir: Gerry O’Hara
Stars: Tom Bell, Olivia Hussey, Judy Carne
ALL THIS, AND HEAVEN TOO
1940
**
An Englishwoman becomes governess to French children with a very difficult mother.
Most female audiences watching in wartime must have loved this plush sentimental melodrama, a highly professional Hollywood product with some great performances; it still pretty much stands up but is a bit too long.
Dir: Anatole Litvak
Stars: Bette Davis, Charles Boyer, Barbara O'Neil, Jeffrey Lynn
ALL THIS AND WORLD WAR TWO
1977
0
Footage of World War Two set to Beatles music (though unfortunately not the originals), a real curio, but also a bit of an awful mess. Perhaps a narrator was needed to give the madness some sense.
Dir: Susan Winslow
ALLIGATOR
1980
*
A baby alligator flushed down a toilet grows to enormous proportions.
Low budget monster movie, not a complete write-off.
Dir: Lewis Teague
Stars: Robert Forster, Robin Riker, Michael V Gazzo
THE ALLIGATOR PEOPLE
1959
*
When a man abruptly exits their honeymoon, a woman determines to track her husband down, and comes across the scaly truth.
More Fifties monster madness with better than average cinematography and acting - Garland gives it her all and Chaney has plenty of fun with his belligerent, sleazy character. The story has a fair few dead spots but there's also some kitschy high spots, including the alligator man playing piano in the dark and the final fateful transformation (complete with trousers).
Dir: Roy Del Ruth
Stars: Beverly Garland, Bruce Bennett, Lon Chaney Jr, Richard Crane
L'AMANT DOUBLE
2017
*
An unhappy young woman falls for her psychoanalyst.
Any film that starts with a close-up of a probed vagina is going to be a little different, and this proves to be the case: the trouble is it goes way too far, twisting and turning to such a degree, with frequent new revelations (that may or may not be 'reality'), that the viewer drowns in its contrivances - or at least becomes too distrustful of the storyteller. Still, it intrigues, and has a distinct, chilly style.
Dir: Francois Ozon
Stars: Marine Vacth, Jeremie Renier, Jacqueline Bisset
ALMOST FAMOUS
2000
***
In 1973, a 15-year-old journalist gets to travel with a rock band around America.
Curiously beguiling semi-autobiographical drama that’s more placid than you expect but eventually wins you over with its sunny demeanour. Well acted, keenly scripted and lushly shot, it may feature a world that’s not of much intellectual interest - the world of rock ‘n’ roll - but has enough humour and verisimilitude to be fairly high in the hit parade of music movies.
Dir: Cameron Crowe
Stars: Patrick Fugit, Billy Crudup, Kate Hudson, Francis McDormand, Jason Lee, Zooey Deschanel, Philip Seymour Hoffman
ALMOST HUMAN
1974
0
A violent small-time criminal ups his game by kidnapping a rich man's daughter.
Limited, shallow crime drama that is so bereft of ideas it just has its main man pull the trigger when it's not sure where to go next. Its American title, The Death Dealer, is more apt.
Dir: Umberto Lenzi
Stars: Tomas Milian, Henry Silva, Laura Belli
ALONE IN THE DARK
1982
0
Psychopaths escape from an institution and go after one of the doctors.
Slow-starting thriller which reaches a more exciting siege climax.
Dir: Jack Sholder
Stars: Jack Palance, Donald Pleasence, Martin Landau, Dwight Schultz
ALONG CAME AUNTIE
1926
0
A woman will only inherit her aunt’s money if her aunt doesn’t discover that she has remarried.
Broad farce with much dressing up and fisticuffs. One of the most seen Hardy solo films because of its presence on the Laurel and Hardy Collection.
Dir: Fred Guiol, Richard Wallace
Stars: Glenn Tryon, Vivien Oakland, Oliver Hardy
THE ALPHA INCIDENT
1978
0
An alien germ causes problems for a group of people at a railway station.
This cheapjack SF horror is about folk desperately trying to stay awake, which is fitting because the audience will also struggle to stay conscious (this reviewer failed), as most of it involves characters having rows in various rooms. A very, very boring film from a very, very bad director.
Dir: Bill Rebane
Stars: Stafford Morgan, Ralph Meeker, John F Goff
ALPHAVILLE
1965
*
A secret agent travels across space to find himself in a computer-controlled society.
Glum, frequently puzzling, occasionally arresting but generally rather dull fantasy in which contemporary Paris doubles for a futuristic world.
Dir: Jean-Luc Godard
Stars: Eddie Constantine, Anna Karina, Howard Vernon
ALTERED STATES
1980
*
A scientist attempts to hallucinate himself back into primitive states of human evolution.
Basically Jekyll and Hyde, but done very seriously, so the appearance of the monster seems to jar with the rest of the picture. Some impressive visuals suffice.
Dir: Ken Russell
Stars: William Hurt, Blair Brown, Bob Balaban
ALWAYS
1989
*
A dead pilot returns as a ghost to help out his friend.
Skilfully handled Spielberg remake of A Guy Named Joe, perhaps a little over-sentimental.
Dir: Steven Spielberg
Stars: Richard Dreyfuss, Holly Hunter, Brad Johnson, Audrey Hepburn, John Goodman
AM I RACIST?
2024
***
Documentary in which political commentator Matt Walsh investigates race politics in the USA.
In turns hilarious and terrifying, this Daily Wire film gets under the skin of a deeply polarised modern America in which race activists monetise and amplify division, with predictably awful consequences (it makes things worse, not better). Highlights include the interview with supremo race grifter Robin DiAngelo (who ends up giving a few dollars to the black man sitting near her), the wheelchair-bound uncle who is paraded in front of a class for telling an off-colour joke, the jaw-dropping meal where white women get told off by Saira Rao and Regina Jackson, and the DEI class where Walsh goes against the grain. He displays the skill and tenacity of Sacha Baron Cohen as Borat or Bruno at their peak, and the film - ignored by liberal media establishment outlets - is an important one, a clever and well-judged doc that you can't stop watching despite many agonising moments; the post credits scene is priceless too.
Dir: Justin Folk
AMADEUS
1984
**
The life of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, as told by a bitter rival.
Sumptuous musical biopic that sounds as good as it looks but is rarely emotionally involving.
Dir: Milos Forman
Stars: F Murray Abraham, Tom Hulce, Elizabeth Berridge, Roy Dotrice, Simon Callow
AMARCORD
1973
**
Slices of life from an Italian coastal town in the 1930s.
Very Fellini, very Italian episodic drama mixing humour and sadness, with an eye on the political situation of the time, but more focus on the everyday things that make up life. Although there are too many characters to form an attachment with any of them, there is still a feeling of warmth, and some images stick in the memory.
Dir: Federico Fellini
Stars: Magali Noel, Bruno Zanin, Pupella Maggio
AMAZING JOURNEY: THE STORY OF THE WHO
2007
**
Documentary tracing the times of one of Britain’s best rock groups.
Solid if not sensational band biography that reveals little unknown to fans but includes plenty of footage from throughout their career – more of Keith Moon would have been nice. The talking heads can be mildly irritating, and the main narrator is totally undistinguished, but it’s a watchable chronicle of a remarkable act.
Dir: Paul Crowder, Murray Lerner
Stars: Pete Townsend, Roger Daltrey, Keith Moon, John Entwistle
THE AMAZING MR BLUNDEN
1972
*
A ghost ask two children to go “back in time” one hundred years to right a wrong.
Downright odd, oh so posh fantasy which may well bore much of the youthful audience it is aimed at. The cast all say goodbye to the camera when the credits roll.
Dir: Lionel Jeffries
Stars: Laurence Naismith, Lynne Frederick, Diana Dors, David Lodge, Madeline Smith
THE AMAZING MR X
1948
*
A widow contacts a spiritualist to connect with her dead husband, and complications ensue.
Rather winsome curio with excellent photography that helps create a strong and unusual atmosphere. With plenty of twists and turns, along with an exotic turn from Bey, it's worth a look for those with a taste for the eccentric.
Dir: Bernard Vorhaus
Stars: Turhan Bey, Lynn Bari, Cathy O'Donnell
THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN
2012
**
A science student is transformed into a superhero after being bitten by a radioactive spider.
A hasty reboot but one that doesn't disappoint: it may not be quite as much fun as the Raimi movies but it's confidently done and pushes most of the right buttons for a multiplex audience (and it's quite amusing the way it does many things deliberately differently from its predecessors). Performances are fine, special effects are excellent (it's best seen in 3D), humour is in place and the action is nicely judged; the only criticisms a Spider-Fan might have would be that Peter Parker isn't nerdy enough and Spidey isn't strong enough - but after 50 years the webslinger proves that he's still the best superhero in town.
Dir: Marc Webb
Stars: Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone, Rhys Ifans, Denis Leary, Martin Sheen, Sally Field
THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 2
2014
**
Peter Parker has worries concerning his girlfriend and his late parents, while his alter ego Spider-Man battles insane supervillain Electro.
Sequel that's better but still flawed: one problem is that there's too much going on - Peter and Gwen's relationship, the rise of Electro, the mystery of Peter's parents, Harry Osborn's quest - and the tone of it varies wildly, as does the soundtrack. There's a question of what it's actually about, and there are some odd diversions and blind alleys. But despite being flabby in the middle it's an impressive tentpole blockbuster, full of spectacularly rendered 3D special effects and amazing battle royales, underpinned by three strong performances (Garfield, Stone and DeHaan) and a good attitude. It's uneven but gutsy.
Dir: Marc Webb
Stars: Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone, Jamie Foxx, Dane DeHaan
THE AMAZING TRANSPARENT MAN
1960
0
A villain enlists a jailbird to become invisible to commit crimes for him.
This sci-fi starts quite promisingly but soon runs out of promise as very little that happens makes the slightest bit of sense. It's like it was scripted on one single bus journey, with much repetition and contradiction.
Dir: Edgar G Ulmer
Stars: Douglas Kennedy, Marguerite Chapman, James Griffith, Ivan Triesault
AMAZON WOMEN ON THE MOON
1987
**
A collection of sketches mixed in with a spoof of 1950s sci-fi movies.
Patchy but sometimes very funny comedy, a nice window into Eighties American humour and also featuring lots of bright faces from that decade. The best sketches are perhaps Mondo Condo, Pethouse Video, Murray In Videoland, Son Of The Invisible Man, Video Date and Reckless Youth.
Dir: Joe Dante, Carl Gottlieb, Peter Horton, John Landis, Robert K Weiss
Stars: Rosanna Arquette, Ralph Bellamy, Carrie Fisher, Griffin Dunne, Steve Guttenberg, Michelle Pfeiffer, Arsenio Hall
AMAZONIA
1985
0
A young woman is abducted by savages after her parents are murdered.
Largely humdrum adventure that tries to pretend it's earnest but can't hide the fact that it's exploitation thanks to the occasional gore, animal killing and nudity. A time-passer for those in the mood.
Dir: Mario Gariazzo
Stars: Elvire Audray, Will Gonzales, Dick Campbell
AMAZONS
1986
0
Female warriors battle an evil ruler.
Sexy sword and sorcery offering, slain by egregious direction, script and acting.
Dir: Alejandro Sessa
Stars: Mindi Miller, Penelope Reed, Joseph Whipp
THE AMBUSHERS
1967
0
Matt Helm searches for a missing flying saucer.
The third Matt Helm adventure is unstimulating stuff, with the exception of the nubile girls on show.
Dir: Henry Levin
Stars: Dean Martin, Senta Berger, Janice Rule
AMELIE
2001
***
A young woman creates happiness for those all around her.
Delightful feel-good fable brimming with inventiveness, its quirky humour and eccentricities make it a film like no other, one to make even the most miserable feel better about existence.
Dir: Jean-Pierre Jeunet
Stars: Audrey Tatou, Mathieu Kassovitz, Rufus
AMERICA AMERICA
1963
*
The story of a young Greek who is obsessed with coming to live in America.
A film by the director for the director, and the many others who had the same experience, this long, rather dour drama should be more involving given the story it tells, but is somewhat sluggish scene-to-scene and really not helped by a lead actor who specialises in stern, intense looks; it's difficult to be sympathetic towards him. The photography is striking but this labour of love can be a labour to watch.
Dir: Elia Kazan
Stars: Stathis Giallelis, Frank Wolff, Elena Karam, Harry Davis
AMERICAN ANIMALS
2018
*
The true story of four middle-class boys who carried out a heist for the kicks.
Genuinely a heist movie with a difference, in that it includes interviews with the real-life criminals, making for a very curious film; presumably the idea is to illustrate the fine line between fiction and reality (the 'real' bits seem more like a movie than a documentary), a theme that's also evident in the misremembered details between the participants. You expect it to veer into farce but instead it only gets more solemn and agitated, and while it's nowhere near as satisfying as something like the vaguely similar The Disaster Artist (qv), it's a thoughtful film with a novel act at its core.
Dir: Bart Layton
Stars: Evan Peters, Barry Keoghan, Blake Jenner, Jared Abrahamson
AMERICAN BEAUTY
1999
*
A jaded man falls for his daughter’s beautiful friend in the midst of his mid-life crisis.
Overrated, deeply unattractive drama which not only warps once-accepted truths (about families, discipline, drugs etc) but is unbelievable, overheated, portentous and utterly unsympathetic.
Dir: Sam Mendes
Stars: Kevin Spacey, Annette Bening, Thora Birch, Mena Suvari
AMERICAN FICTION
2023
**
A black professor writes a book he believes is trash but it turns into a huge commercial and critical success.
You're expecting this to be a wearisome dose of wokery pokery, but if anything it's anti-woke, as it satirises liberal whites' condescending and ill-informed attitudes to blacks; it quite adeptly negotiates the current era's hornets' nest of racial politics. As a drama it pretty much works, although it might have been overly ambitious in trying to weave The Producers type concept with all the family business - more of the former, less of the latter would have been welcome. At the end it pulls the rug out from under itself in a clever and surprising fashion.
Dir: Cord Jefferson
Stars: Jeffrey Wright, Sterling K Brown, Tracee Ellis Ross, Erika Alexander
AMERICAN GANGSTER
2007
***
A drug dealer uses the coffins of soldiers killed in the Vietnam War to smuggle high quality heroin into America.
Involving crime drama, based on fact, that eventually brings out the best in all its participants.
Dir: Ridley Scott
Stars: Russell Crowe, Denzel Washington, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Josh Brolin
AMERICAN GRAFFITI
1973
**
At the start of the 1960s, various school-leavers have a night to remember.
A film in which mood and atmosphere matters more than anything else, it crystalises a certain time and place and to those who experienced something similar, may well be something to treasure for the rest of their lives.
Dir: George Lucas
Stars: Richard Dreyfuss, Ron Howard, Candy Clark, Harrison Ford
AMERICAN HISTORY X
1998
****
An ex-Nazi skinhead tries to stop his younger brother from going the way he has.
Brave, challenging, compelling movie-making that successfully shows both sides of the issue; stars and director have struggled to equal it since.
Dir: Tony Kaye
Stars: Edward Norton, Edward Furlong, Beverly D'Angelo, Stacy Keach, Fairuza Balk, Elliot Gould
AMERICAN HUSTLE
2013
*
In the Seventies, a con man and his beautiful companion are forced to work for an unconventional FBI detective.
It comes as no surprise to learn that the director said 'I hate plots' on the set of this fine-looking but dramatically stuttering film that goes on all sorts of annoying diversions before arriving at its final, gratifying twist; the clothes and the actors might be great to look at - especially the truly stunning Adams - but they're indulged too much at the expense of what could have been a tight, engaging tale, and their characters never begin to be likeable.
Dir: David O Russell
Stars: Christian Bale, Amy Adams, Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Lawrence, Jeremy Renner, Louis CK
AN AMERICAN IN PARIS
1951
**
A painter tries to make it in Paris while sorting out his love life.
No one bothers about the plot much after a while, preferring to concentrate on the highly technical song and dance routines which become more dazzling as the film progresses.
Dir: Vincente Minnelli
Stars: Gene Kelly, Leslie Caron, Oscar Levant, Nina Foch
AMERICAN PIE
1999
***
Four teenage boys try to lose their virginity on prom night.
One of the best high school teen comedies ever made, this bright and positive movie began a series that later descended into direness, but this first film has heart and humanity to accompany its (as ever) compelling plot of guys wanting to pop their cherry. The characters are sympathetic and appealing - with the exception of the obnoxious Stifler - and the actors perfect for their parts; it still provides many a laugh and some of its elements endure, such as Shannon Elizabeth's strip on the early, jerky internet, Jim's over-attentive father, Stifler's mum, 'one time at band camp...' and what happens to the pie.
Dir: Paul Weitz
Stars: Jason Biggs, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Seann William Scott, Chris Klein, Thomas Ian Nicholas, Alyson Hannigan, Shannon Elizabeth, Mena Suvari, Tara Reid
AMERICAN PIE 2
2001
0
A group of male students attempt to woo women at their summer beach house.
As witless as the first one was funny, this pointless sequel fails to develop the characters (especially the females) and goes for cheap, tortuous gags; the effect is deadening.
Dir: James B Rogers
Stars: Jason Biggs, Shannon Elizabeth, Seann William Scott, Tara Reid, Mena Suvari
AMERICAN PSYCHO
2000
****
A Wall Street businessman is also a serial murderer.
Spot-on, mostly fantastic adaptation of a modern classic which obviously had to tone down the book's extreme and disturbing violence, but retains much of the sardonic black humour and dark satire, and is an example of how to do a concise editing down of source material. Bale is a revelation, making a note-perfect Patrick Bateman, alternately hilarious and vicious, while looking suitably dashing. It's made a touch more 'plot-y' by having detective Dafoe meet with Bateman three times, investigating Allen's 'disappearance'. Some, including the director, argued that the conclusion is slightly fluffed - making it less ambiguous than in the novel - but this is still a dynamic, invigorating and intelligent film full of terrific sequences.
Dir: Mary Harron
Stars: Christian Bale, Chloe Sevigny, Reese Witherspoon, Willem Dafoe, Justin Theroux, Josh Lucas, Jared Leto
AMERICAN REUNION
2012
*
The gang reunite, and some of them have grown up more than others.
A sequel that walks a few tightropes, including one that has goofy, crude comedy on one side and sentiment about the passing of time on the other, and another that partly celebrates the freewheeling heterosexual hedonism of the first film but also has many nods to the more politically correct, box-ticking times that this movie was made in. It's sometimes an uncertain mix, and there isn't much of a plot (then again, there wouldn't be) but it's occasionally funny and it's nice to be reunited with some of the characters - and you'll be a bit lost if you haven't seen any of the previous instalments.
Dir: Jon Hurwitz, Hayden Schlossberg
Stars: Jason Biggs, Alyson Hannigan, Seann William Scott, Chris Klein, Thomas Ian Nicholas, Eugene Levy, Mena Suvari, Tara Reid
2014
**
The story of Chris Kyle, a US Marine with more credited kills than any other.
Eastwood's slight return to form is the tale of a simple yet complex man who did what he thought was right and had more reason than most to believe that he was correct in his beliefs; the film was only controversial to those who don't appear to see the threat from people who gleefully set out to destroy civilisation. In fact, its faults lie with its narrative, which isn't an especially tight or purposeful one, but it's lifted by the technical excellence and visceral nature of its set-pieces.
Dir: Clint Eastwood
Stars: Bradley Cooper, Sienna Miller, Kyle Gallner
AMERICAN WEDDING
2003
0
American Pie's Jim and Michelle plan to get married, but things do not run smoothly.
Third in the series suffers from way too much Stifler, with his obnoxious jock behaviour and excessive swearing warping the film, while it also misses some of the old faces. There is one uproariously hilarious scene early on - the one with the two dogs - and one moderately funny one later - the one with the two strippers - but overall this is disappointing and not worthy of the original; it's a movie that needed a few rewrites.
Dir: Jesse Dylan
Stars: Jason Biggs, Alyson Hannigan, Seann William Scott, Eugene Levy, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Thomas Ian Nicholas
AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON
1981
***
Two Americans are bitten by a werewolf; one dies, the other becomes a werewolf himself.
Fresh and imaginative horror comic with several sequences that imprint themselves on the mind, most notably the stalking of the commuter at Tottenham Court Road, werewolf Nazis, 'See You Next Wednesday', the unfriendly pub, the climactic scenes at Piccadilly Circus and, of course, the man-to-wolf transformations, which still look stupendous after all these years. Perhaps the pacing is off - some scenes drag - and it could be branded anti-climactic, but its contemporary English setting, irreverent asides, use of 'moon' music and dollops of visceral horror make it a movie that still demands to be watched.
Dir: John Landis
Stars: David Naughton, Jenny Agutter, Griffin Dunne, Brian Glover
AMISTAD
1997
*
In 1839, a slave ship arrives on the coast of America. There follows a courtroom battle to determine whether the slaves on it should be set free or not.
There's a great film in here somewhere but the director's masterplan of turning this into a worthy-as-can-possibly-be treatise means that whenever drama is about to be unleashed it is pulled back by wordy pontificating and repetition, ensuring that wooliness clouds any potential incisiveness.
Dir: Steven Spielberg
Stars: Matthew McConaughey, Anthony Hopkins, Morgan Freeman, Pete Postlethwaite, Djimon Hounsou, Nigel Hawthorne, David Paymer
THE AMITYVILLE HORROR
1979
0
Newlyweds move into a demonic house.
Run-of-the-mill horror which exaggerated facts from a best-selling book, and ended up selling a lot of tickets.
Dir: Stuart Rosenberg
Stars: James Brolin, Margot Kidder, Rod Steiger
AMITYVILLE II: THE POSSESSION
1982
0
A prequel showing how the house in the original film became possessed.
Noisy clattering about with the odd thrill among the sub-Exorcist goings on.
Dir: Damiano Damiani
Stars: Burt Young, James Olson, Rutanya Alda
AMITYVILLE HORROR: THE EVIL ESCAPES
1989 (TV)
0
A possessed ancient lamp causes trouble in California.
Fourth in the not-very-good series is a TV movie, which means even less fun - and it certainly looks like a TV production, and a brightly lit, unatmospheric one at that, with an undistinguished cast acting out a lot of family stuff. Don't watch it.
Dir: Sandor Stern
Stars: Patty Duke, Jane Wyatt, Fredric Lehne, Lou Hancock
AMITYVILLE 1992: IT'S ABOUT TIME
1992 (V)
0
A weird clock causes all manner of mishaps.
The usual terrible rubbish from this wretched series. One of the main problems is that it always goes down the schlocky horror route as opposed to a potentially interesting, dark, psychological route - you could have all sorts of edgy sexual stuff involving this family. Instead, it's the usual 'things going slightly wrong' to start with, and then 'things going massively wrong' later, here accompanied by icky imagery as the senseless events play out; a few well framed, imaginative shots provide little compensation.
Dir: Tony Randel
Stars: Shawn Weatherly, Stephen Macht, Megan Ward
AMITYVILLE DOLLHOUSE
1996 (V)
0
A family move into a new house and acquire a demonic dollhouse.
The loose and woebegone series continues with this eighth straight-to-video instalment; straight to the bin might have been better. Never less than daft, it veers between the mundane and the out-there-gory, occasionally putting forward dark ideas (like the stepmother-stepson relationship) which come to naught. Helpful advice to teens whose headphones suddenly go very loud: take them off.
Dir: Steve White
Stars: Robin Thomas, Starr Andreeff, Allen Cuttler, Rachel Duncan
AMONG THE LIVING
1941
*
In a small town, a man has a murderous twin brother.
Suspense thriller which rolls along quite nicely.
Dir: Stuart Heisler
Stars: Albert Dekker, Susan Hayward, Frances Farmer
AMONG THOSE PRESENT
1921
*
A lowly hotel employee impersonates an English Lord.
Slightly rambling, overlong Lloyd short, the sort you could see Chaplin doing with a bit more satire.
Dir: Fred Newmeyer
Stars: Harold Lloyd, Mildred Davis, Aggie Herring
AMORES PERROS
2000
***
A car crash connects three stories involving men immersed in dog fighting, a tragic model and a homeless hit man.
Well sustained multi-story drama peopled almost entirely by disreputable types, it's deliciously original if not quite the classic claimed by some.
Dir: Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu
Stars: Emilio Echevarria, Gael Garcia Bernal, Goya Toledo
AMOROUS ADVENTURES OF A YOUNG POSTMAN
1970
0
A postman finds extra excitement on his rounds.
Believe it or not, this is a vampire film with a little sex, and in the American re-edit, two cartoon Laurel and Hardy type bats. It’s egregious whatever you do to it.
Dir: Helmut Fornbacher
Stars: Patrick Jordan, Eva Renzi, Amadeus August
THE AMOROUS MILKMAN
1974
0
A young milkman gets into all sorts of scrapes.
Stupid ‘sex’ comedy which goes down all sorts of very tedious, groan-worthy avenues, then suddenly ends. Some of it is weirdly grim too.
Dir: Derren Nesbitt
Stars: Brendan Price, Julie Ege, Diana Dors, Alan Lake, Roy Kinnear, Anthony Sharp
THE AMOROUS SISTERS
1982
0
Schoolgirls are taught sex education by their frustrated female teacher.
Near plotless softcore flapdoodle (the only 'hardcore' scenes involve horses!) typical of this director; over-age girls, pretty Swiss scenery and slow-motion scenes don't add up to much of substance.
Dir: Erwin C Dietrich
Stars: Brigitte Lahaie, Jane Baker, Flore Sollier
AMOUR
2012
**
An elderly man is forced to care for his wife as her health deteriorates.
An unflinching portrayal of the disintegration that will befall many of us, this will be tough viewing for many, either because of the grim reality on show or the long-held shots of nothing much happening, or both. Not an easy film but possibly a necessary one.
Dir: Michael Haneke
Stars: Jean-Louis Trintignant, Emmanuelle Riva, Isabelle Huppert
AMSTERDAMNED
1988
0
Several murders occur around the canals of Amsterdam.
Run-of-the-mill thriller with a few well-mounted set pieces.
Dir: Dick Maas
Stars: Huub Stapel, Monique van de Ven, Serge-Henri Valcke
AMY
2015
***
Documentary about Amy Winehouse, the talented singer who struggled with the fame until her death at the age of 27.
A grim tale of a girl who was always going to cope badly with fame, it's an unflinching look at the perils of drink, drugs, bad friends and money-grabbing guardians that's rarely less than absorbing: the immersion is completed by a huge amount of personal archive footage - you really feel like you're living through the period.
Dir: Asif Kapadia
ANATOMY OF A FALL
2023
***
In the French Alps, a man falls to his death from a high window. Did he jump or was he pushed?
Demanding and worth-it drama which is a courtroom drama with a lot more going on behind that - it examines roles, relationships, communication, guilt, responsibility and much more. Pretty intense for most of its running time, it's made with chilly precision and acted for all it's worth (Huller inhabits her character in remarkable fashion); this gained it international attention and a deserved plethora of awards.
Dir: Justine Triet
Stars: Sandra Huller, Swann Arlaud, Milo Machado-Graner, Antoine Reinartz
1959
**
A lawyer defends a man who killed his wife’s rapist.
Engrossing, sprawling courtroom drama which used words not heard in the cinema before (rape, bitch, sperm, intercourse, panties etc).
Dir: Otto Preminger
Stars: James Stewart, Lee Remick, Ben Gazzara, George C Scott
ANCHORMAN: THE LEGEND OF RON BURGUNDY
2004
0
In the 1970s, male newscasters are faced with the rise of females in their profession.
Laboured comedy without enough jokes, especially good ones; it's also one of Hollywood's most unsubtle anti-men/pro-women movies.
Dir: Adam McKay
Stars: Will Ferrell, Christina Applegate, Paul Rudd, Steve Carell, David Koechner
ANCHORMAN 2: THE LEGEND CONTINUES
2013
**
Newcaster Ron Burgundy and his pals move into the world of 24-hour news broadcasting.
Hit-and-miss comic ragbag that's essentially a series of semi-improvised sketches built around a loose, vaguely satirical concept; the type of humour varies as much as the quality of the cracks, but when it's funny it's very funny, and many of the performers are probably near the apex of their careers. The weird finale with many cameos, including Jim Carrey and Sacha Baron Cohen, seems to emphasise its importance in the modern comedy world.
Dir: Adam McKay
Stars: Will Ferrell, Christina Applegate, Paul Rudd, Steve Carell, David Koechner
ANCHORS AWEIGH
1945
*
Two sailors go on shore leave in Los Angeles.
The visuals are often sumptuous - including the part-animated sequences - and many will enjoy the energetic dancing, but this comic musical is something of a vacuous bore, the kind of film you can connect with for virtually none of its many, many minutes. It provided happy relief for war-weary audiences though.
Dir: George Sidney
Stars: Gene Kelly, Frank Sinatra, Kathryn Grayson, Dean Stockwell
AND GOD CREATED WOMAN
1988
0
A woman prisoner marries in order to get out of jail and join a rock band.
Glossy, vacuous sex drama, with little in common with the director’s 1957 film of the same name except a poutingly beautiful female lead.
Dir: Roger Vadim
Stars: Rebecca de Mornay, Frank Langella, Vincent Spano
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT
1971
**
Valuable filmic collection of sketches from Monty Python’s Flying Circus - as with the show they range from the sublime to the mildly tiresome. Adapted from series one and two, sketches include the dead parrot, the lumberjack song, upper class twit of the year, the dirty fork and many more, interspersed by Gilliam's unique animation: the talent on show is undeniable and it feels like a great British export, even if it won't be for all.
Dir: Ian MacNaughton
Stars: John Cleese, Graham Chapman, Eric Idle, Michael Palin, Terry Jones, Terry Gilliam, Carol Cleveland
AND NOW THE SCREAMING STARTS
1973
0
A new bride in a country house is terrorised by a severed hand.
Solid Amicus horror with the usual splendid cast.
Dir: Roy Ward Baker
Stars: Peter Cushing, Stephanie Beacham, Herbert Lom, Patrick Magee, Ian Ogilvy
AND SOON THE DARKNESS
1970
**
Two English nurses cycling in France are menaced by a sex maniac.
Beguiling thriller entirely shot on sunny country roads, it successfully creates a tense, distinct atmosphere, and a fine score helps too (it varies from rousing to brooding). Full of red herrings, it's a tad drawn out but does gradually build tension and is overall an extremely likeable movie, one which used to regularly turn up on late-night TV in the 1980s. If one is fluent in French it might make for a slightly different experience, since most of the furtive looking locals speak in that language, without subtitles (it would have spoilt the heroine's sense of isolation if there were subtitles).
Dir: Robert Fuest
Stars: Pamela Franklin, Michele Dotrice, Sandor Eles, John Nettleton
AND SOON THE DARKNESS
2010
0
A pair of American girls holidaying in Argentina run into trouble.
Inferior remake which, while not doing anything particularly wrong, does absolutely nothing original or that you haven't seen before. In this age of Hostel and so on, it even, in a way, looks a little quaint.
Dir: Marcos Efron
Stars: Amber Heard, Odette Yustman, Karl Urban, Cesar Vianco
AND THE OSCAR GOES TO...
2014
*
Documentary about the annual Academy Awards.
Watchable enough, though mostly rather narrowly focused on certain aspects, including the last 20 years or so; the subject matter could fill several fascinating hours as long as it was candid. The pointless inclusion of a couple of words make it unsuitable for the whole family.
Dir: Rob Epstein, Jeffrey Friedman
Narrator: Anjelica Histon
AND THEN THERE WERE NONE
1945
***
Ten people are invited to an isolated house for a will reading, then murdered one by one.
Definitive version of Agatha Christie’s book - stylish direction helps wring every ounce of suspense out of the tale’s machinations.
Dir: Rene Clair
Stars: Walter Huston, Barry Fitzgerald, Louis Hayward, June Duprez, Roland Young
AND THEN THERE WERE NONE
1974
*
Ten people are lured to a hotel in the Iranian desert to be murdered.
Certainly this version of the tale is not among the very best, with a few stylistic missteps - including some of the incidental music and Charles Aznavour singing - but the foreign setting is novel and the classic plot works a bit of its magic. Some of the photography, which often frames all of the alive characters in one shot, is noteworthy - as is the way they generally seem to be pretty calm despite what's going on around them.
Dir: Peter Collinson
Stars: Oliver Reed, Elke Sommer, Gert Frobe, Herbert Lom, Richard Attenborough
ANDREI RUBLEV
1966
*
Imaginary episodes from the life of a 15th-century painter.
Lauded but tough-going historical drama that doesn’t disprove the notion that Russians are humourless and violent.
Dir: Andrei Tarkovsky
Stars: Anatoly Solonitsin, Ivan Lapikov, Nikolai Grinko
ANDROID
1982
**
In 2036, criminals hijack a police transporter vehicle in space.
Highly likeable science fiction, cannily made on a moderate budget.
Dir: Aaron Lipstadt
Stars: Klaus Kinski, Brie Howard, Don Opper
THE ANDROMEDA STRAIN
1970
**
Scientists work frantically to neutralise a virus that wiped out a whole town.
Detailed, absorbing science fiction, with the emphasis on science.
Dir: Robert Wise
Stars: Arthur Hill, David Wayne, James Olson
ANGEL EYES
1993
0
Murders in Hollywood are attributable to an insane woman.
Technically terrible thriller whose redeemable features are mainly female-shaped.
Dir: Gary Graver
Stars: Eric Estrada, John Phillip Law, Monique Gabrielle, Raven
ANGEL HEART
1987
*
A private detective is assigned to find a mysterious missing man.
Heavy-going, dark noirish thriller which has some rewards if you stay the course.
Dir: Alan Parker
Stars: Mickey Rourke, Robert De Niro, Lisa Bonet, Charlotte Rampling
ANGEL OF VENGEANCE
1980
*
Raped twice in one day, a mute girl takes bloody revenge.
Death Wish with a woman; over-the-top but tangy exploiter with some talent evident.
Dir: Abel Ferrara
Stars: Zoe Tamerlis, Bogey, Albert Sinkys
ANGEL ON MY SHOULDER
1946
*
A slain gangster is resurrected by the devil to do a job for him on Earth.
This sort of film about angels and devils was common in the war-torn Forties, and this one has merit, with good performances from the two leads and some atmospheric photography of hell. It stretches credibility somewhat that the judge's wife doesn't question her husband's complete change of personality, and the whole enterprise is naturally a bit dated.
Dir: Archie Mayo
Stars: Claude Rains, Paul Muni, Anne Baxter, Onslow Stevens
ANGEL ON MY SHOULDER
1980 (TV)
0
The devil puts a gangster’s soul into an honest politician’s body.
Run-of-the-mill fantasy complete with rather annoying clichés.
Dir: John Berry
Stars: Peter Straus, Richard Kiley, Barbara Hershey
THE ANGEL WHO PAWNED HER HARP
1954
0
An angel comes to Islington.
Floppy fantasy with a curious preoccupation with money. Of no great interest to most.
Dir: Alan Bromly
Stars: Felix Aylmer, Diane Cilento, Robert Eddison
ANGELS AND INSECTS
1995
0
A man marries into a family with a dark secret.
Rather uneventful period drama with attempts at mysticism.
Dir: Philip Haas
Stars: Mark Rylance, Patsy Kensit, Kristin Scott Thomas
ANGELS ONE FIVE
1952
0
Episodes of life in an RAF Squadron during the Battle of Britain.
Regrettably dull war film that ambles along without a strong plot to shape it; on the rare occasions it gets into the air the special effects aren't too impressive.
Dir: George More O'Ferrall
Stars: Jack Hawkins, John Gregson, Michael Denison
ANGELS WITH DIRTY FACES
1938
***
A priest tries to stamp out organised crime in his parish; the ringleader is an old friend of his.
A seminal and trend-setting film, still thrilling to watch. A real shocker in its day, it helped make stars of Cagney and Bogart.
Dir: Michael Curtiz
Stars: James Cagney, Humphrey Bogart, Pat O’Brien, Ann Sheridan
ANGORA LOVE
1929
*
A stray goat attaches itself to Stan and Ollie.
Their last silent short, this was cannier when remade as Laughing Gravy (qv), but there are sprightly bits, including the goat's bath and the passing sailor. Sound, though, gave the boys that extra dimension and ensured their immortality.
Dir: Lewis R Foster
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Edgar Kennedy, Charlie Hall
THE ANGRY RED PLANET
1959
*
Astronauts discover terrible things of Mars.
Special 'Cinemagic' sequences, in which the screen goes red, are the kitsch highlights of this ploddy sci-fi adventure (it makes the beasties look better too).
Dir: Ib Melchior
Stars: Gerald Mohr, Naura Hayden, Les Tremayne, Jack Kruschen
THE ANGRY SILENCE
1960
***
A factory worker who doesn't want any part of a wildcat strike is ostracised by his colleagues.
Powerful drama about the danger of being an independent thinker and not going along with the mob and its destructive behaviour - in that sense it's a story for any era, but here it is built around the dark ages of British industrial policy, where bitter union leaders could wreck whole industries (something which went on for a further 20 years). It's a film made by people who really cared about what they put on screen, and it shows.
Dir: Guy Green
Stars: Richard Attenborough, Pier Angeli, Michael Craig, Bernard Lee
ANGUISH
1987
*
A murderer goes on the rampage in a cinema watching him in a movie.
A bizarre and original idea, often effective and amusing if a little choppy.
Dir: Bigas Luna
Stars: Zelda Rubinstein, Michael Lerner, Talia Paul
ANIMAL CRACKERS
1930
**
Thieves covet a painting unveiled at a swanky party.
Patchy Marx Brothers farce which nevertheless features some of their best material.
Dir: Victor Heerman
Stars: Groucho Marx, Chico Marx, Harpo Marx, Zeppo Marx, Margaret Dumont
ANIMAL FARM
1955
***
Oppressed animals revolt against their cruel owner, but discover that self-rule is even worse.
Excellent adaptation of Orwell’s allegorical classic, probably one of the best books ever written, animation being the obvious medium. While it doesn't improve on the novel, it offers an accessible version of it that may vary in its emotional impact but makes its point about totalitarianism; pity the conclusion is softened.
Dir: Joy Batchelor, John Halas
Voices: Gordon Heath, Maurice Denham
ANIMAL FARM
1999
*
Retelling of Orwell’s allegory, here using live action and animal puppets.
A fair version, but the clever/cute animatronics sometimes detracts from the satire, and the happy ending is a major mistake.
Dir: John Stephenson
Stars: Kelsey Grammer, Ian Holm, Paul Scofield, Patrick Stewart, Peter Ustinov
THE ANIMAL WORLD
1956
*
Documentary about life on Earth from its beginnings to the present day.
Thought lost for many years, but thankfully rediscovered, especially for Ray Harryhausen's dinosaur action, this is a canny and colourful but haphazard nature film that has some, for the time, terrific footage, but spoils things by promoting mistruths like owls being wise and chickens being able to count, showing the horrible 'sport' known as bullfighting, and feeling it necessary to offer some silly sops to religion (blame the time, perhaps). It might not fully hold kids' attention today but that's not necessarily a criticism.
Dir: Irwin Allen
Narrators: John Storm, Theodore von Eltz
THE ANIMALS FILM
1981
**
Documentary featuring disturbing footage of the mistreatment of animals for the purposes of food production, science and entertainment.
Incredibly tough viewing, with humans presented as creatures who abuse their authority – but for evolutionary chance we would not be in the lording position we’re in; sadly, not that much has changed since it was made. In the interests of keeping an open mind, it might be an idea to also view footage of the brutal way animals can treat other animals.
Dir: Myriam Alaux, Victor Schonfeld
Narrator: Julie Christie
ANIMALYMPICS
1979
0
Various animals take part in a major sporting contest.
Inconsequential cartoon feature, too long and somehow a bit irritating.
Dir: Steven Lisburger, Bill Kroyer
Voices: Gilda Radner, Billy Crystal, Harry Shearer
ANNA TO THE INFINITE POWER
1983
0
A girl discovers that she is part of a group of super-intelligent clones.
Dumpy junior science fiction with a terrible title to match.
Dir: Robert Weimer
Stars: Dina Merrill, Martha Byrne
ANNE OF THE THOUSAND DAYS
1969
**
King Henry VIII woos a new bride in the form of Anne Boleyn, but then has a change of heart.
Adept historical drama which looks great and boasts two particularly forceful lead performances; not as cheerful as Carry On Henry (which used its sets and costumes) but more painless than many a royal history lesson.
Dir: Charles Jarrott
Stars: Richard Burton, Genevieve Bujold, Irene Papas, Anthony Quayle, Michael Hordern
ANNIE HALL
1977
****
A New York comedian meets and falls in love with a Midwestern girl, but they eventually break up.
Brilliant, free-wheeling comedy drama, its creator’s towering achievement. Still as fresh as ever, it’s not only superbly funny, hyper-literate and hugely inventive but probably offers more perceptive observations on relationships than any other film which, because they are done in a non-sentimental way, are emotionally affecting - it is a genuine and humanistic and eternal story. There might be no other film with a script with as many superb lines as this one, while the back and forth narrative is impeccably adroit (and is how you remember relationships in real life). With acting, editing and direction that is perfection, this is a movie for the ages.
Dir: Woody Allen
Stars: Woody Allen, Diane Keaton, Tony Roberts, Paul Simon, Shelley Duvall
ANNIHILATOR
1986 (TV)
*
A reporter is pursued by ruthless androids.
Exciting but repetitive sci-fi which develops into a series of fights. Above average for TV, though.
Dir: Michael Chapman
Stars: Mark Lindsay Chapman, Susan Blakely
THE ANNIVERSARY
1968
**
A domineering, widowed mother demands her sons’ presence on her wedding anniversary.
Juicy black comedy which gives the star a fabulous opportunity to be wicked - and she relishes her every line. The script itself is quite odd, like a sort of twisted British Tennessee Williams play which isn't perhaps as pointed as it might have been - and the 'annoyed people shouting at each other' thing was, regretfully, one that would become more common in the succeeding years. A curious, semi-successful, different sort of diversion from Hammer.
Dir: Roy Ward Baker
Stars: Bette Davis, Sheila Hancock, Jack Hedley, James Cossins, Christian Roberts, Elaine Taylor
THE ANOMALY
2014
0
A man appears to live life in ten-minute chunks, and has to find out why.
Incomprehensible and hackneyed sci-fi thriller, clearly the director/star's attempt to show that he is an action hero in the shape of Tom Cruise and a director in the shape of Christopher Nolan - sadly, he very much isn't. The characters are hopelessly clichéd, the situations stolen from dozens of other films, the dialogue unsayable and the whole enterprise a chewy mess.
Dir: Noel Clarke
Stars: Noel Clarke, Ian Somerhalder, Alexis Knapp, Brian Cox
ANORA
2024
**
An escort from Brooklyn meets and marries a loose cannon son of a Russian oligarch, and his parents are not happy.
What is this film trying to say? You will rarely see a more hot and bothered, fast and furious, frenetic and unlovely one than this, full of loathsome characters trying to break the record for the most swear words heard on film. Its constant switching between English and Russian dialogue is extremely irritating, and while it's full of confidence and technically excellent, it's not a movie to take to the bosom, it's one long exercise in stress.
Dir: Sean Baker
Stars: Mikey Madison, Paul Weissman, Yura Borisov, Mark Eydelshteyn
ANOTHER CHANCE
1989
0
A deceased womaniser is given the chance to return and marry his true love.
Dismal mystical reworking of When Harry Met Sally, completely failing to strike the right notes.
Dir: Jesse Vint
Stars: Bruce Greenwood, Vanessa Angel
ANOTHER FINE MESS
1930
**
Stan and Ollie, on the run from a cop, masquerade as butler and master of a house.
Enjoyably elaborate star comedy, a superior remake of 1927's Duck Soup (qv); highlights include Stan in drag, constantly getting Lord Plumtree’s name wrong and the final, bizarre chase.
Dir: James Parrot
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, James Finlayson, Thelma Todd
ANOTHER ROUND
2020
*
Four school teachers decide that drinking on the job would enhance their lives and performance.
An attractive idea for a film that slightly disappoints, even if it won the Oscar for Best Foreign Film. What it's good at is monitoring the world of the middle-aged as they try and regain former glories, having to just do something to recover zest for life - and alcohol seems like a reasonable course. Compelling enough, it goes on for a bit too long and its gloom and mopiness cause sympathy to ebb.
Dir: Thomas Vinterberg
Stars: Mads Mikkelsen, Thomas Bo Larsen, Magnus Millang, Lars Ranthe
ANOTHER WOMAN
1988
*
A fifty-year-old academic is forced to reassess her life after overhearing a pregnant woman with a psychiatrist.
An improvement on his previous film September, this also finds Allen in serious mood, once again drawing on Bergman. Tightly scripted and edited, moodily shot and very well acted, it still doesn't quite draw you in as much as might have been hoped, perhaps because the chattering characters, of which there are many, are mostly cold and a little haughty. Still, Allen's scenes of Rowland wandering into her past and into other people's lives are the sign of a confident, imaginative filmmaker. And there's a lovely last line about memories.
Dir: Woody Allen
Stars: Gena Rowlands, Mia Farrow, Ian Holm, Blythe Danner, Gene Hackman
ANOTHER YEAR
2010
**
A steadfast couple provide support for their insecure family and friends.
The quote about lives of quiet desperation comes to mind watching this, another astute Mike Leigh study of what ordinary people do with their existence. Not much happens but what does happen is sometimes hypnotic: the depression and alcohol abuse of several of the characters provokes empathy, and we get caught up in their all-too-real quandaries. The director’s idiosyncrasies and twitching cast members can irritate, but there’s smart dialogue, mature camerawork and a real feeling that you are living among these folk.
Dir: Mike Leigh
Stars: Jim Broadbent, Lesley Manville, Ruth Sheen, Oliver Maltman
ANTHONY ADVERSE
1936
*
In the 18th century, a young man tries for wealth and power but is in danger of losing his soul.
Lavish epic of the day that still manages to hold the interest, but always had problems, such as March's miscasting and inconsistent characterisation of the lead character.
Dir: Mervyn LeRoy
Stars: Frederic March, Olivia de Havilland, Donald Woods, Edmund Gwenn, Claude Rains
ANTHROPOPHAGUS
1980
0
Tourists get stranded on an isolated island where an insane killer lurks.
Tepid, barely competent horror that gained notoriety because of a couple of outlandish scenes – the creature eating a foetus and, later, his own intestines. Aside from that, it’s just ill-defined, dumb characters wandering around a Greek island accompanied by spooky music, although there is the odd scare to rouse bored viewers from their torpor.
Dir: Joe D’Amato
Stars: Tisa Farrow, Saverio Vallone, George Eastman
THE ANTICHRIST
1974
0
A crippled woman becomes possessed by the devil.
Loopy Exorcist rip-off whose uncertain pacing, bad special effects and shaky performances make you want to watch the original again. It’s not a total write-off thanks to a strong sense of the bizarre, but it’s hard to feel much sympathy towards.
Dir: Alberto de Martino
Stars: Carla Gravina, Mel Ferrer, Alida Valli, Arthur Kennedy, George Coulouris
ANTICHRIST
2009
*
A couple whose child has died go to a cabin in the woods for therapy.
Cinema as a form of endurance: a grueling wallow in grief, pain and despair that is no doubt pregnant with meaning but is so grim not many folk will deign to look for it. It certainly has a sheen of quality, and the scenes with She on the hunt provide a frisson, but it was never going to be a film to inspire much affection.
Dir: Lars von Trier
Stars: Willem Dafoe, Charlotte Gainsbourg
ANT-MAN
2015
*
A burglar meets a scientist who fits him out with a suit that allows him to shrink to the size of an ant.
Marvel's quest to film their comics back catalogue continues, with a moderately successful romp that wisely plays up the humour: it hits some droll targets with its subverting of size expectations (a huge Thomas the Tank Engine, for instance) and at least does a few things different, like having the climactic fight in a little girl's bedroom as opposed to in the middle of a battered city. It misses greatness by not having a particularly strong story or a villain with a clearer plan.
Dir: Peyton Reed
Stars: Paul Rudd, Michael Douglas, Evangeline Lilly, Corey Stoll
ANT-MAN AND THE WASP
2018
**
Hank Pym uses Ant-Man to help him find his wife who has been lost in the quantum zone for 30 years.
Superior sequel that comes as quite a refreshing change from the gigantic and galactic Marvel movies of recent times, being a small-scale caper which is zippy and bright, with plenty of fun to be had with the small/big trickery. And any movie that gets Morrissey in there has something going for it.
Dir: Peyton Reed
Stars: Paul Rudd, Evangeline Lilly, Michael Douglas, Hannah John-Kamen
ANTONY AND CLEOPATRA
1972
*
Mark Antony loses his grip on power thanks to his love for Egyptian queen Cleopatra.
Slightly stodgy adaptation of a Shakespeare play with one of his less gripping or sympathetic plots; there are, of course, good things about it, but it should have been pruned for its cinema incarnation like, for example, Oliver Parker's 1995 Othello. If that had been the case it might not have sunk into obscurity.
Dir: Charlton Heston
Stars: Charlton Heston, Hildegard Neil, Eric Porter, John Castle
ANTS IN THE PANTRY
1936
*
The Three Stooges are pest exterminators, making work for themselves at a posh party.
Up-to-snuff short featuring typical Stooges material, pretty funny in the main, with a few bits that are a little grotesque (all the unleashed pests). A Stooges short tends to be much more fun than a Chaplin short, if usually less sophisticated.
Dir: Jack White
Stars: Moe Howard, Larry Fine, Curly Howard
ANTZ
1998
*
A worker ant attempts to win the love of a princess.
Standard children’s story given an edge by the hi-tech animation and the use of big stars for voices, particularly Allen in the lead.
Dir: Eric Darnell, Tim Johnson
Voices: Woody Allen, Dan Aykroyd, Anne Bancroft, Danny Glover, Gene Hackman, Sharon Stone, Sylvester Stallone, Christopher Walken
ANY OLD PORT!
1932
*
Stan and Ollie are sailors who save a girl from a violent thug.
Solid short whose highlights include Stan destroying the hotel's sign-in book, Long's imperviousness to pool balls thrown at his head, the vicar's encounter with the fan and 'cats-after-me' - the final boxing match is not quite as rib-tickling as might have been.
Dir: James W Horne
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Walter Long
ANY WHICH WAY YOU CAN
1980
*
A drifter and his orang-utan continue to get involved in brawls and car crashes.
Highly commercial sequel to Every Which Way But Loose (qv).
Dir: Buddy Van Horn
Stars: Clint Eastwood, Ruth Gordon, Sondra Locke
ANYTHING ELSE
2003
**
An older comic writer advises a younger scribe on life and love.
There are shades of Annie Hall and other Allen opuses in this enjoyable if overlong comedy which sees Woody handing over the reins to younger performers to act out his neuroses, and it generally works: the plot is light but there's much wit and wisdom - his character in particular comes out with perky philosophical bon mots, while Biggs and Ricci's relationship explores some areas he hasn't much examined before. A sharper edit could have made it a triumph, but it's churlish to complain too much about a movie full of good scenes and bright dialogue, though many miserable critics did.
Dir: Woody Allen
Stars: Jason Biggs, Woody Allen, Christina Ricci, Stockard Channing, Danny DeVito
APARAJITO
1956
***
A boy forges his own way in the world.
The second and probably finest of Ray's Apu trilogy (the others are Pather Panchali and The World Of Apu, both qv), this quietly affecting film is not only wonderfully shot and scored (by Ravi Shankar), but demonstrates that a human story is indeed a universal one, no matter how alien the setting can seem; also that everyday life on the screen can sometimes be drama enough, and that there's no easy way to exist.
Dir: Satyajit Ray
Stars: Smaran Ghosal, Kamala Adhikari, Lalchand Banerjee
THE APARTMENT
1960
***
An ambitious employee loans out his apartment to his bosses for their amorous exploits.
Deft comedy drama, superbly performed, shot through with a cynical attitude that has ensured its longevity.
Dir: Billy Wilder
Stars: Jack Lemmon, Shirley MacLaine, Fred MacMurray
THE APE
1940
0
A scientist takes advantage of an escaped ape to find a cure for a woman who cannot walk.
Dumb fun clearly made in a hurry; just over an hour long but probably still not worth taking the time out to watch. Karloff is quite dignified, the plot is utterly mad and overall it’s not quite as bad as you expect.
Dir: William Nigh
Stars: Boris Karloff, Maris Wrixon, Gene O’Donnell
THE APE MAN
1943
0
After injecting himself with ape spinal fluid, a scientist finds he has half turned into one.
One of the many reasons we kind of love Bela, one of the many reasons why his career was so rotten - a cheapjack load of old piffle which most normal people would now turn off after five minutes, even though it can be viewed for free on the internet. Muffled sound and bad picture largely spoil attempts to find much of value, except for a few unintentional laughs.
Dir: William Beaudine
Stars: Bela Lugosi, Louise Currie, Wallace Ford, Henry Hall
APOCALYPSE NOW
1979
***
During the Vietnam War, a soldier is given a mission to assassinate a colonel who has ‘gone mad’.
About as well made as a film could be, especially considering the conditions it was made under, but the content is essentially an exercise in unhappiness.
Dir: Francis Ford Coppola
Stars: Martin Sheen, Marlon Brando, Robert Duvall, Dennis Hopper, Harrison Ford
APOCALYPTO
2006
**
A member of a Mayan tribe desperately tries to escape his bloody fate.
A film not like any other, portraying an environment and way of life that could barely be more alien to the average Western viewer: the director may be a vile man, and one obsessed with bloody violence, but he’s made a film that looks fantastic and, in the last 40 minutes, a kinetic and exciting thriller.
Dir: Mel Gibson
Stars: Rudy Youngblood, Dalia Hernandez, Jonathan Brewer
APOLLO 11
2019
**
Documentary about Apollo 11's trip to the Moon and back.
Refreshingly free of talking heads, forced sentiment, or any sort of distraction away from the remarkable footage captured at all stages of the craft's mission, this highly worthwhile film stands as a tribute to the brilliance of the human race, while also ending once and for all the inane idea that the landing was faked. Some of the audio is inaudible but that only adds to the authenticity, and what a nice touch that the electronic soundtrack only utilises instruments around at the time.
Dir: Todd Douglas Miller
APOLLO 13
1995
*
The 1970 NASA trip to the moon does not go according to plan.
Pretty much exactly the film you're expecting, this is a highly competent space drama that manages to hold the attention despite much of the detail being quite technical; another very smooth production of the like Howard and Hanks are often involved with.
Dir: Ron Howard
Stars: Tom Hanks, Bill Paxton, Kevin Bacon, Gary Sinise, Ed Harris
THE APPARITION
2012
0
Following an experiment to discover the supernatural, a woman and her boyfriend find themselves haunted.
If you were young and had never seen a horror film before then this would probably seem pretty good, but to the rest of us it's wholly unsurprising and unremarkable; there's not that much dialogue but what there is is uninspired, and there's no chemistry between the leads. Little wonder it barely got a release.
Dir: Todd Lincoln
Stars: Ashley Greene, Sebastian Stan, Tom Felton
THE APPOINTMENT
1981
0
A girl uses her strange powers to punish her uncaring father.
Understated to the point of invisibility, this very, very s-l-o-w chiller mostly looks like an AA road information film.
Dir: Lindsey C Vickers
Stars: Edward Woodward, Jane Merrow
APPOINTMENT WITH DEATH
1988
*
Hercule Poirot solves a murder in the Middle East.
Fag end of the Winner/Ustinov series, largely pretty routine.
Dir: Michael Winner
Stars: Peter Ustinov, Lauren Bacall, Carrie Fisher, John Gielgud, Piper Laurie
THE APPRENTICE
2024
**
The young Donald Trump is mentored by dubious lawyer Roy Cohn.
The makers claimed that this wasn't a hit job but of course it is, and its release was timed to coincide with the 2024 US election. It's a solid film, whether it's about the future US President or not, evoking the 1970s and 1980s time periods through adroit technical flourishes, while the two very strong lead performances anchor it - Stan is really good as Trump, with the performance not turning into a caricature. Many will be put off by its sourness, its rejection of the American Dream, and its salient digs at The Donald.
Dir: Ali Abbasi
Stars: Sebastian Stan, Jeremy Strong, Maria Bakalova, Martin Donovan
APRIL FOOL’S DAY
1986
0
College friends spend what turns out to be a murderous weekend at an isolated house.
Scrappy shocker whose conclusion makes the preceding action utterly ridiculous.
Dir: Fred Walton
Stars: Jay Baker, Deborah Foreman
APRILE
1998
0
A filmmaker attempts to shoot a project about Italian politics while his wife is pregnant.
Shapeless oddity that is little more than an irritating motormouth's vanity project in which he says little of consequence.
Dir: Nanni Moretti
Stars: Nanni Moretti, Silvio Orlando, Silvia Nono
ARABIAN ADVENTURE
1979
*
Good and evil princes seek a magic rose.
Derivative and predictable it may be, but this Thief Of Baghdad type fantasy has a fair measure of action and better-than-expected special effects.
Dir: Kevin Connor
Stars: Christopher Lee, Oliver Tobias, Mickey Rooney, Milo O’Shea, Peter Cushing
ARABIAN NIGHTS
1974
0
Tales of love and vengeance in old Arabia.
Agonising tripe which never even begins to engage, from a pretty vile director; yes it looks good, in an arid sort of way, but it's cosmically boring and the characters are largely grinning, superstitious oafs or males who take their clothes off. For masochists, the DVD has 20 minutes of deleted scenes (which are silent).
Dir: Pier Paolo Pasolini
Stars: Ninetto Davoli, Franco Citti, Franco Merli
ARCHANGEL
1990
0
An amnesiac soldier arrives in a northern Russian town unaware the Great War has ended.
To say this is peculiar is an understatement - it's near unfathomable, deliberately so of course. Really all there is to do is admire the black and white cinematography, which apes the visuals of elegant, expressionist silent age cinema; there are strange scenes with rabbits and intestines and people speaking when their mouths aren't moving. A for effort, a lower letter for a watching experience.
Dir: Guy Maddin
Stars: Michael Gottli, David Falkenberg, Ari Cohen, Kathy Marykuca
1990
**
A jungle spider is transported to a small American town where it breeds a deadly spawn.
Cunningly imagined horror, masterful at manipulating the audience.
Dir: Frank Marshall
Stars: Jeff Daniels, John Goodman, Julian Sands
ARCTIC TALE
2007
*
Documentary about a polar bear and a walrus struggling to survive in the Arctic.
Impressive photography is weighed down with a sugary narration that gives animals human emotions and presents man-made global warming as the single, irrefutable cause of the creatures’ difficulties. Nor is the story as compelling as March Of The Penguins’s.
Dir: Adam Ravetch, Sarah Robertson
Narrator: Queen Latifah
ARE YOU BEING SERVED?
1977
*
The staff of Grace Brothers head off on holiday together.
Movie version of a TV comedy show worth keeping a record of - the ensemble cast was wonderful and there were occasional big laughs from the innuendo-laden script. Disappointingly, this is cheeseparing stuff, as the budget clearly didn't stretch to getting anyone out of Elstree, so consequently the action is slow and confined, and opportunities to do something different are squandered - routines from TV are laboriously repeated and it goes nowhere. It makes Carry On Abroad look like Lawrence Of Arabia.
Dir: Bob Kellett
Stars: John Inman, Frank Thornton, Mollie Sugden, Trevor Bannister, Wendy Richard, Arthur Brough, Nicholas Smith
ARGO
2012
**
An ostentatious plan is hatched to get six fugitive American diplomats out of 1980 Iran.
While not among the classic Best Pictures, this is a cleverly made thriller which comes good in the final third, when the tension becomes almost unbearable - will the group get out of Iranian airspace? The Academy presumably liked the fact that it was a film about films, and that it actually looks like a film that could have been made in the 1970s - including the old Warner Bros logo at the start. Affleck gives a strong, measured performance, but his main talent does appear to be behind the camera.
Dir: Ben Affleck
Stars: Ben Affleck, Bryan Cranston, Alan Arkin, John Goodman
THE ARISTOCATS
1970
**
A jealous butler attempts to get rid of the cats that stand to gain from his mistress’s money.
Decent cartoon feature with some moments that wouldn’t have been out of place in earlier Disneys.
Dir: Wolfgang Reitherman
Voices: Phil Harris, Eva Gabor, Liz English, Scatman Crothers
THE ARISTOCRATS
2005
*
Documentary in which various comedians tell the world’s dirtiest joke, one well known in the industry.
An exhausting experience: 90 minutes of grotty looking footage of people telling the same joke and sometimes analysing it. Actual laughs are rare – culturally, it's strongly American - as only a few of the routines are well enough done or shown in their entirety, which is a shame. A bit weird and far too long but not without value.
Dir: Paul Provenza
Stars: Billy Connolly, Phyllis Diller, Susie Essman, Whoopi Goldberg, Eric Idle, Eddie Izzard, Richard Lewis, Carrie Fisher, Harry Shearer, Jon Stewart, Chris Rock, Bill Maher
ARMY OF DARKNESS
1992
0
The hero of The Evil Dead films is thrown back to 1300 AD where he is forced to battle an army of skeletons.
Barely a sequel, more an unrelated fantasy comic strip, but not a successful one; the constant frenzy of activity, the immature style and the hopelessly mugging lead kill it.
Dir: Sam Raimi
Stars: Bruce Campbell, Embeth Davidtz
AROUND THE WORLD IN EIGHTY DAYS
1956
**
A Victorian gentlemen bets he can circumnavigate the globe in said amount of time.
Sumptuous fantasia notable for big, Technicolor-hued locations and 44 star cameos. It feels like a trial for some of its running time but has its rewards also.
Dir: Michael Anderson, Kevin McClory
Stars: David Niven, Cantinflas, Robert Newton, Shirley MacLaine, John Carradine, Noel Coward, John Gielgud, Trevor Howard
ARQ
2016
*
A couple become trapped in a time loop as they try to fend off intruders.
Low budget sci-fi that gives Groundhog Day (the movie, not the actual day...) another spin, in quite a clever fashion, fashioning itself as a claustrophobic, frantic action thriller. Decent enough, but one's thankful that there aren't as many days in this as in the Bill Murray movie.
Dir: Tony Elliott
Stars: Robbie Amell, Rachael Taylor, Shaun Benson
ARRIVAL
2016
*
When aliens arrive on Earth, a linguist is recruited by the military to form an understanding with them.
About as far removed from the original alien invasion movies of the Fifties as could be possible, this dour, confined, minimally populated sci-fi drama is more like a low budget art film than a pricey blockbuster, and at times makes it feel like the viewer has to take on as much hard work as the lead characters. Not quite as profound as it thinks it is, it nevertheless creates a dense, moody atmosphere and has some novel ideas about alien intelligence - it's thought-provoking but not massively entertaining. The single expletive is as spectacularly pointless as so many others in PG-13s/12s are.
Dir: Denis Villeneuve
Stars: Amy Adams, Jeremy Renner, Forest Whitaker
ARROWSMITH
1931
*
A doctor throws himself into his work despite getting married.
Painless but somewhat ineffectual drama that was shorn of around 20 minutes of footage in later years, meaning a dramatic reduction in Loy's part, which results in an odd and unbalanced movie - but in any case it was probably always incomplete, failing to show the non-medical side of Arrowsmith's life properly. And Colman, as great as he was, is miscast here.
Dir: John Ford
Stars: Ronald Colman, Helen Hayes, Richard Bennett, Myrna Loy
THE ARSENAL STADIUM MYSTERY
1939
*
A footballer is poisoned during a match.
What would have been a fairly routine murder mystery programmer is given added interest by its depiction of the game at the time.
Dir: Thorold Dickinson
Stars: Leslie Banks, Greta Gynt, Ian McLean
ARSENIC AND OLD LACE
1944
**
Two well-meaning, sweet old ladies poison lonely old men.
In itself, this frantic comedy is very well done, slickly performed and shot, but boy is it stagey (it's based on a play, of course) and somewhat exhausting in its goofy relentlessness. Grant is well over the top in every scene and soon becomes tiresome, but he's not the only one.
Dir: Frank Capra
Stars: Cary Grant, Priscilla Lane, Raymond Massey, Jack Larson, Peter Lorre
THE ART OF RACING IN THE RAIN
2019
*
A racing driver takes in a puppy who grows up to help smooth out the bumpy parts of his life.
Car racing and dogs is a curious mix, but this slightly more pretentious spin on A Dog's Purpose/Journey will still find many audiences willing - literally, willing themselves to - go along with the manipulation on show. It works for what it is, it's an inoffensive movie with a positive message; the thoughtful dog angle, which is not unfamiliar by now, gives a fairly basic story different scaffolding. Advice to those with dogs: don't go out jogging on a dark and rainy night with your dog following behind, and then run over a road.
Dir: Simon Curtis
Stars: Kevin Costner, Milo Ventimiglia, Amanda Seyfried
ARTHUR
1981
*
A drunken playboy will become a millionaire if he marries a girl he does not love.
Rather heavy-handed farce which a lot of people found funny.
Dir: Steve Gordon
Stars: Dudley Moore, Liza Minnelli, John Gielgud
THE ARTIST
2011
***
In 1927 Hollywood, a popular actor fears he will not be able to adapt to talkie pictures, while a young woman he has a chance encounter with becomes a star.
Essentially a very sweet film that tells a straightforward tale and leaves you in finer fettle than when you went into the cinema. Technically it’s wonderful on many levels, including costumes, props, music and animal training, but what stands out most are the performances, especially the two leads (and especially Dujardin), who manage to give two of the year’s acting masterclasses despite keeping their mouths shut. It’s a humble homage, neither a parody nor an exercise in kitsch, and there are scores of neat little ideas in it; it’s just a warm, pleasant filmic experience, crafted with enormous care and conciseness.
Dir: Michel Hazanavicius
Stars: Jean Dujardin, Bérénice Bejo, John Goodman, James Cromwell, Penelope Ann Miller
ARTISTS AND MODELS
1955
0
A comic strip freak telepathically receives top secret information in his dreams.
Inane mix of genres which don't mix; and about double the length it should be.
Dir: Frank Tashlin
Stars: Dean Martin, Jerry Lewis, Shirley MacLaine, Dorothy Malone
AS GOOD AS IT GETS
1997
*
A misanthropic writer surprisingly begins to get along with his gay neighbour and a waitress at his favourite restaurant.
You can guess in advance exactly what's in this James L Brooks film: characters who are a little bit strange, events that are a little bit off-kilter, infrequent obscenities, flat direction, swelling of schmaltzy music at particular moments... It's all here, and it's quite irritating. What also doesn't help is how unbelievable Nicholson's character is - how could a misanthrope write popular fiction so well? - and how unattractive, facially, Hunt is. There are a few funny lines but it's way too long and laboured.
Dir: James L Brooks
Stars: Jack Nicholson, Helen Hunt, Greg Kinnear, Cuba Gooding Jr
AS LONG AS THEY’RE HAPPY
1955
0
A popular American crooner comes to stay at a staid businessman’s house in Wimbledon.
Stupid, frenetic farce which occasionally stops dead for dull songs.
Dir: J Lee Thompson
Stars: Jack Buchanan, Janette Scott, Jean Carson, Diana Dors, Joan Sims, Hattie Jacques
AS THE NAKED WIND FROM THE SEA
1968
0
A young musician in a remote part of Sweden has a sexually adventurous summer.
Slow, strange drama which makes obscure points.
Dir: Gunnar Hoglund, Ulf Palme
Stars: Hans Gustafsson, Lillemor Ohlsson
AS YOU LIKE IT
1936
0
A duke banishes his brother to the forest of Arden.
Stagey Shakespeare saddled with a Rosalind who’s a right pain in the bum and one of Olivier’s less celebrated performances – it struggles to engage the audience, especially a modern one.
Dir: Paul Czinner
Stars: Laurence Olivier, Elisabeth Bergner, Felix Aylmer,
AS YOU LIKE IT
1992
0
An industrial wasteland becomes home for a variety of troubled individuals.
The action has been moved to the modern day and most of it takes place in a desolate part of East London, which gives it a certain earthy vibe - but this obscure Shakespeare adaptation is of very limited appeal, with little to enjoy and much that's incomprehensible (including most of Jones' dialogue).
Dir: Christine Edzard
Stars: Emma Croft, James Fox, Cyril Cusack, Griff Rhys Jones, Andrew Tiernan
AS YOU LIKE IT
2006
*
Love blossoms in a 19th century forest in Japan.
One of Branagh’s less successful Shakespeare adaptations, and like other Shakespeare adaps that don’t come up to scratch, we can pick out the faults: the Japanese setting is pointless, Orlando isn’t very good, it’s absurd that he doesn’t recognise Rosalind when she’s dressed as a boy, and the subplots are given too much precedence over the main plot (although Molina’s Touchstone is fun). On the other hand, the verdant photography is pleasant and, of course, much of the dialogue is spry.
Dir: Kenneth Branagh
Stars: Bryce Dallas Howard, David Oyelowo, Brian Blessed, Romola Garai, Adrian Lester, Alfred Molina, Kevin Kline, Richard Briers
ASCENSION
2021
**
Documentary about life in modern-day China, focusing on factories, the wealthier middle class and the services provided for the very rich.
Many Western critics, writing from the comfort of their own home office no doubt, were stunned that manual labour and having to earn a day's pay can be so hard, but in today's China they have to do what the West had to do until quite recently; human life has long been a struggle for most. This film has many striking images, particularly those in the sex doll factory, and will no doubt prove to be a fairly valuable time capsule, but one wishes there was some some sort of narrator, even one who doesn't talk too much. It can be a little hypnotic though, a chronicle of the nation that will dominate the 21st century through fair means and foul.
Dir: Jessica Kingdon
ASHES AND DIAMONDS
1958
*
A Pole is unsure whether to go on killing after the war.
Dull and confusing drama most suited to Polish historians or pretentious film critics.
Dir: Andrzej Wajda
Stars: Zbigniew Cybulski, Ewa Krzyzanowska, Adam Pawlikowski
ASK A POLICEMAN
1938
**
Incompetent policemen encounter smugglers in a coastal village.
Hay comedy not vastly different from the likes of Oh, Mr Porter!, but that's fine if you enjoy the mad irreverence of the three leads, who are essentially Dumb and Dumber and Dumberer, as they act out their inanity at breakfast speed. Whether it will attract new converts nowadays is unsure - let's hope so.
Dir: Marcel Varnel
Stars: Will Hay, Moore Marriott, Graham Moffat, Herbert Lomas
THE ASPHALT JUNGLE
1950
**
Crooks double-cross each other after a diamond robbery.
Highly influential, stunningly shot crime drama with the emphasis on careful, detailed characterisation.
Dir: John Huston
Stars: Sterling Hayden, Louis Calhern, Jean Hagen, Marilyn Monroe
THE ASPHYX
1972
*
A Victorian scientist attempts to separate the spirit of death from his body.
As talkative and loopy as it is, this horror is nevertheless rather endearing thanks to its committed performances and belief in its own mad, but vaguely cerebral, storyline. It also looks great (although the common pan and scan version slightly spoils this) and is the sort of intelligent period gothic drama that would sadly not be made in Britain for much longer.
Dir: Peter Newbrook
Stars: Robert Powell, Robert Stephens, Jane Lapotaire
ASSASSIN
1986 (TV)
0
An ex-CIA agent tracks down a robot programmed to kill government officials.
Terminator-style TV movie which gets by.
Dir: Sandor Stern
Stars: Robert Conrad, Karen Austin, Richard Young
THE ASSASSINATION BUREAU
1969
*
A female journalist infiltrates an Edwardian group dedicated to assassinations.
A little bit like TV's The Avengers (starring Rigg, of course), this is a patchy, confusing but jolly period romp with a big, brash finale, ably handled by Reed, one of the great actors and personalities of his generation.
Dir: Basil Dearden
Stars: Oliver Reed, Diana Rigg, Telly Savalas, Curt Jurgens
ASSAULT
1971
*
An art teacher helps police track down a rapist of schoolgirls.
This very British shocker starts off at a canter, with some very effective, red-lit scenes in the woods, but turns into a fairly basic whodunit and gets bogged down in the lengthy police investigation, set to an intrusive soundtrack. It's a pity they didn't go more sleazy, but it still has a bit of charm, mainly down to the time and the place it was shot.
Dir: Sidney Hayers
Stars: Frank Finlay, Suzy Kendall, Lesley-Anne Down, Freddie Jones, James Laurenson, Anthony Ainley
ASSAULT OF THE KILLER BIMBOS
1988
*
Two go-go dancers are wrongly accused of murder and are forced on to the open road.
Bubbly, light-as-an-Aero road movie, attractively set and pleasingly tongue-in-cheek.
Dir: Anita Rosenberg
Stars: Elizabeth Kaitan, Christina Whitaker, Tammara Souza
ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13
1976
**
Gang members hold a half closed down police station to siege.
One of the director’s successful early efforts, a violently exciting and suspenseful thriller.
Dir: John Carpenter
Stars: Austin Stoker, Darwin Joston, Laurie Zimmer
ASSAULT
1971
*
An art teacher helps police track down a rapist of schoolgirls.
This very British shocker starts off at a canter, with some very effective, red-lit scenes in the woods, but turns into a fairly basic whodunit and gets bogged down in the lengthy police investigation, set to an intrusive soundtrack. It's a pity they didn't go more sleazy, but it still has a bit of charm, mainly down to the time and the place it was shot.
Dir: Sidney Hayers
Stars: Frank Finlay, Suzy Kendall, Lesley-Anne Down, Freddie Jones, James Laurenson, Anthony Ainley
ASSAULT OF THE KILLER BIMBOS
1988
*
Two go-go dancers are wrongly accused of murder and are forced on to the open road.
Bubbly, light-as-an-Aero road movie, attractively set and pleasingly tongue-in-cheek.
Dir: Anita Rosenberg
Stars: Elizabeth Kaitan, Christina Whitaker, Tammara Souza
ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13
1976
**
Gang members hold a half closed down police station to siege.
One of the director’s successful early efforts, a violently exciting and suspenseful thriller.
Dir: John Carpenter
Stars: Austin Stoker, Darwin Joston, Laurie Zimmer
ASSIGNMENT K
1968
0
A British spy runs into trouble on snowy slopes in Austria.
Dull and meandering thriller which is slow to start (and finish) and devotes too many scenes to romance. Technically good, and well-acted, but not much fun.
Dir: Val Guest
Stars: Stephen Boyd, Camilla Sparv, Leo McKern, Michael Redgrave
ASYLUM
1972
**
A doctor hears some strange stories in a madhouse (Frozen Fear, The Weird Taylor, Lucy Comes To Stay and Mannikins Of Horror).
One of Amicus’ best horror anthologies, highly coloured and indulgently enjoyable, really well done on a moderate budget. The first tale packs a juicy punch, as does the second which is also nicely atmospheric, the third is a little obvious but with enjoyable performances (actually the case throughout), and the final one delivers a satisfying send-off. Mussorgsky’s Night On Bare Mountain is utilised pleasingly.
Dir: Roy Ward Baker
Stars: Patrick Magee, Robert Powell, Richard Todd, Peter Cushing, Britt Ekland, Charlotte Rampling, Herbert Lom, Sylvia Sims, James Villiers, Geoffrey Bayldon
AT THE EARTH’S CORE
1976
0
A Victorian scientist and his assistant journey to the centre of the Earth.
Kiddie sci-fi whose low budget special effects include visible wires and paper maché sets. A bit of a crazy shambles.
Dir: Kevin Connor
Stars: Peter Cushing, Doug McClure, Caroline Munro, Keith Barron
ATLANTIC CITY
1980
**
An elderly gangster is perked up by getting involved in small-time crime again.
Rich, enjoyably acted character drama evocatively shot in a wintry city down on its luck.
Dir: Louis Malle
Stars: Burt Lancaster, Susan Sarandon, Kate Reid, Michel Piccoli
ATLANTIS, THE LOST CONTINENT
1961
0
In ancient times, a fisherman saves a princess from Atlantis.
Poppycock best for the under-tens which mixes reasonable special effects with obvious stock footage.
Dir: George Pal
Stars: Anthony Hall, Joyce Taylor, John Dall
ATOLL K
1952
0
Stan and Ollie inherit a tropical island and attempt to set up a government.
Laurel and Hardy’s last film has been the subject of much debate. It’s actually better than most of their 1940s MGM movies, with a few nice scenes and pleasantly whimsical plot, but has against it Stan’s gauntness, over-length and the absence of an abundance of hearty laughs.
Dir: Leo Joannon
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Suzy Delair, Max Elloy
ATOM AGE VAMPIRE
1960
0
A mad scientist rejuvenates a stripper who has been horribly scarred.
Terrible horror flick made without a glimmer of style.
Dir: Anton Giulio Majano
Stars: Alberto Lupo, Susanne Loret, Sergio Fantoni
THE ASSISTANT
2019
**
An office worker endures a tough day, thanks to her bully of a boss.
Sure to divide opinion, this tight, chilly little film is so low-key it almost verges on the funny, as it painstakingly chronicles Jane's laborious day, which has a dark shadow looming over it in the shape of the unseen Harvey Weinstein-type boss and the culture he has created. If you were feeling exceptionally cruel and cynical you might respond to this movie with words like 'first world problems', 'cheer up' or 'leave the job!' but that would be unfair, because this is quite a skilled pen portrait delivered by a director who presumably has an icy anger about what Weinstein got away with. Just a tad more drama and incident might have been welcome, although the long conversation between our heroine and the HR man is a powerful highlight.
Dir: Kitty Green
Stars: Julia Garner, Matthew Macfadyen, Migs Govea
ASYLUM
1972
**
A doctor hears some strange stories in a madhouse (Frozen Fear, The Weird Taylor, Lucy Comes To Stay and Mannikins Of Horror).
One of Amicus’ best horror anthologies, highly coloured and indulgently enjoyable, really well done on a moderate budget. The first tale packs a juicy punch, as does the second which is also nicely atmospheric, the third is a little obvious but with enjoyable performances (actually the case throughout), and the final one delivers a satisfying send-off. Mussorgsky’s Night On Bare Mountain is utilised pleasingly.
Dir: Roy Ward Baker
Stars: Patrick Magee, Robert Powell, Richard Todd, Peter Cushing, Britt Ekland, Charlotte Rampling, Herbert Lom, Sylvia Sims, James Villiers, Geoffrey Bayldon
AT THE EARTH’S CORE
1976
0
A Victorian scientist and his assistant journey to the centre of the Earth.
Kiddie sci-fi whose low budget special effects include visible wires and paper maché sets. A bit of a crazy shambles.
Dir: Kevin Connor
Stars: Peter Cushing, Doug McClure, Caroline Munro, Keith Barron
ATLANTIC CITY
1980
**
An elderly gangster is perked up by getting involved in small-time crime again.
Rich, enjoyably acted character drama evocatively shot in a wintry city down on its luck.
Dir: Louis Malle
Stars: Burt Lancaster, Susan Sarandon, Kate Reid, Michel Piccoli
ATLANTIS, THE LOST CONTINENT
1961
0
In ancient times, a fisherman saves a princess from Atlantis.
Poppycock best for the under-tens which mixes reasonable special effects with obvious stock footage.
Dir: George Pal
Stars: Anthony Hall, Joyce Taylor, John Dall
ATOLL K
1952
0
Stan and Ollie inherit a tropical island and attempt to set up a government.
Laurel and Hardy’s last film has been the subject of much debate. It’s actually better than most of their 1940s MGM movies, with a few nice scenes and pleasantly whimsical plot, but has against it Stan’s gauntness, over-length and the absence of an abundance of hearty laughs.
Dir: Leo Joannon
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Suzy Delair, Max Elloy
ATOM AGE VAMPIRE
1960
0
A mad scientist rejuvenates a stripper who has been horribly scarred.
Terrible horror flick made without a glimmer of style.
Dir: Anton Giulio Majano
Stars: Alberto Lupo, Susanne Loret, Sergio Fantoni
ATOM MAN VS SUPERMAN
1950 (serial)
*
Lex Luthor hatches various schemes to tax Superman and his pals.
The follow-up to 1948's Superman (qv) is another hectic affair, better in some ways, worse in others, but much of a muchness. The animated flying sequences if anything grate that bit more, while Alyn's wide-eyed, grinning expressions do too: it's beyond laughable that the so-called crack journalists on the Daily Planet can't work out that Supes and Clark Kent are the same person, although the serial also insults the audience by not having Atom Man and Luthor in scenes together - that all gets a bit vague later on when all manner of crazy exploits occur. Which is the best you can say for this ridiculous, stock footage-laden, messily thrown together opus - it has some variety (and was apparently extremely popular).
Dir: Spencer Gordon Bennet
Stars: Kirk Alyn, Noel Neill, Lyle Talbot, Tommy Bond
THE ATOMIC BRAIN
1963
0
An old lady plans to have her brain put into the body of a beautiful young woman.
It's a mighty long time before any sort of operation takes place, but who cares, because before that (and after) we get a load of wonderfully woolly nonsense, with the woman who acts like a cat a particular highlight. Cheap and delirious gobbledegook that has a certain something to it; because it's now in the public domain it can be enjoyed by everyone for all time.
Dir: Joseph V Mascelli
Stars: Marjorie Eaton, Frank Gerstle, Erika Peters
THE ATOMIC CAFE
1982
*
Documentary compiling US government defence films of the Forties and Fifties, ranging from cartoons for children to footage of nuclear bomb experiments in the Pacific.
There's much to grab the attention in this historically interesting picture which reminds viewers of certain ages how real the nuclear threat once seemed; but it doesn't progress beyond a certain point, either timeline- or intellectual-wise, and there's never an admittance that it actually was a very good thing that the US possessed atomic bombs since the totalitarian USSR also did.
Dir: Jayne Loader, Kevin Rafferty, Pierce Rafferty
THE ATOMIC SUBMARINE
1959
0
A submarine investigates when several ships disappear around the North Pole.
Steered by a stern voiceover, this is a somewhat grey underwater drama, stuffed with men talking in corners of sets, dodgy model work and stock footage; it's probably only for fans of budget Fifties sci-fi.
Dir: Spencer Gordon Bennet
Stars: Arthur Franz, Dick Foran, Brett Halsey, Tom Conway
ATOMISED
2006
**
Two half-brothers, sons of a decadent hippy mother, have difficult lives and problems with women in the second half of the 20th century.
If a 'proper' adaptation of Michel Houellebecq's scintillating novel was attempted it would sadly likely be banned around the world, and this softened version does lose a lot of its causticness, eroticism, despair and power, but in itself it's watchable and interesting, a chronicle of the unfairness, the brutality, the misery, the randomness of life. But reading the book remains the better idea.
Dir: Oskar Roehler
Stars: Moritz Bleibtreu, Christian Ulmen, Franka Potente, Martina Gedeck
ATONEMENT
2007
***
Two lovers are torn apart by the actions of a 13-year-old girl.
Extremely well made tragic love story which translates the book’s teasing, puzzling structure into highly cinematic terms; the cast is excellent, the sense of the grimness of war conveyed chillingly well and only a few longeurs stop it from being a totally satisfying experience.
Dir: Joe Wright
Stars: James McAvoy, Keira Knightley, Romola Garai, Saoirse Ronan, Vanessa Redgrave
ATTACK FROM SPACE
1965
0
A hero called Starman saves the Earth from alien invasion.
Side-splitting sci-fi in which a podgy bloke in a bad suit spends loads of time in physical fights with baddies who sometimes throw themselves around without even being hit; they should play this in the background at nightclubs looking to deal in retro cheese. Apparently a melding of two episodes of a Japanese kids' show called Super Giant.
Dir: Koreyoshi Akasaka, Teruo Ishii, Akira Mitsuwa
Stars: Ken Utsui, Sachihiro Ohsawa, Junk IkeuchiATTACK OF THE CRAB MONSTERS
1957
0
Scientists investigating the effects of nuclear weapon tests get crabs.
One of the many sci-fi films of the Fifties to give radiation a worse reputation than it deserves, this hokey Corman mini-budgeter conjures up some scary sounds (the clack clack of the crabs) and fertile ideas (the way the crab acquires the brains of the dead humans) among its hooey. It'd be unlikely to do much for the MCU generation - maybe colourisation would help...?
Dir: Roger Corman
Stars: Richard Garland, Pamela Duncan, Russell Johnson
ATTACK OF THE 50 FOOT WOMAN
1958
0
After an encounter with aliens, a woman grows to remarkable size.
Famous cheapie, just a tad on the silly side, with some dialogue to treasure.
Dir: Nathan Juran
Stars: Allison Hayes, William Hudson, Yvette Vickers
ATTACK OF THE GIANT LEECHES
1959
0
In the Deep South, people who have gone missing may have been victims of swamp creatures.
Another Fifties attack of curious creepies, this time a quite extraordinary looking bunch of things - clearly the minuscule budget is to blame, but that tiny budget sort of helps: the stark, strange den of the leeches and their human victims is genuinely unsettling, and the whole, non-monster first half concerning hillbillies getting on with their sweaty lives has a weird, semi-authentic quality. But that's a very generous reading of this often vacant film.
Dir: Bernard L Kowalski
Stars: Ken Clark, Yvette Vickers, Jan Shepard
1957
0
Scientists investigating the effects of nuclear weapon tests get crabs.
One of the many sci-fi films of the Fifties to give radiation a worse reputation than it deserves, this hokey Corman mini-budgeter conjures up some scary sounds (the clack clack of the crabs) and fertile ideas (the way the crab acquires the brains of the dead humans) among its hooey. It'd be unlikely to do much for the MCU generation - maybe colourisation would help...?
Dir: Roger Corman
Stars: Richard Garland, Pamela Duncan, Russell Johnson
ATTACK OF THE 50 FOOT WOMAN
1958
0
After an encounter with aliens, a woman grows to remarkable size.
Famous cheapie, just a tad on the silly side, with some dialogue to treasure.
Dir: Nathan Juran
Stars: Allison Hayes, William Hudson, Yvette Vickers
ATTACK OF THE GIANT LEECHES
1959
0
In the Deep South, people who have gone missing may have been victims of swamp creatures.
Another Fifties attack of curious creepies, this time a quite extraordinary looking bunch of things - clearly the minuscule budget is to blame, but that tiny budget sort of helps: the stark, strange den of the leeches and their human victims is genuinely unsettling, and the whole, non-monster first half concerning hillbillies getting on with their sweaty lives has a weird, semi-authentic quality. But that's a very generous reading of this often vacant film.
Dir: Bernard L Kowalski
Stars: Ken Clark, Yvette Vickers, Jan Shepard
ATTACK OF THE LEDERHOSEN ZOMBIES
2016
0
Zombies attack skiers and snowboarders in the Austrian Alps.
While some might find more amusement from the title than the film itself, this is a not terrible comedy horror which tries hard. It probably lacks a bit of oomph for some horror heads.
Dir: Dominik Hartl
Stars: Laurie Calvert, Gabriela Marcinkova, Oscar DyekjaerATTACK OF THE PUPPET PEOPLE
1958
0
A twisted scientist shrinks people to six inches tall.
A weird film, a strange film; set largely in one building it offers very little characterisation and relies on special effects that aren't that special, and doesn't really go to thrilling places - but there are quirky moments for fans of such Fifties nonsense.
Dir: Bert I Gordon
Stars: John Agar, John Hoyt, June Kenney, Susan Gordon
ATTACK THE BLOCK
2011
*
A group of teenage thugs take on vicious aliens in a South London council block.
Minor sci-fi horror with problems, including repellent heroes and an unambitious plot; it’s made with some energy but can’t disguise its lowly origins.
Dir: Joe Cornish
Stars: John Boyega, Jodie Whittaker, Alex Esmail, Nick Frost
ATTEMPT TO KILL
1961
0
A man fears that his life is in danger thanks to a former employee.
No Edgar Wallace Mysteries could be said to be very bad or unwatchable, but this is a flattish one which tends to go through the motions, and it's not unpredictable.
Dir: Royston Morley
Stars: Derek Farr, Richard Pearson, Tony Wright, Patricia Mort
AU PAIR GIRLS
1972
0
Four au pairs have amorous adventures on their first night in London.
This vocation was of course crying out to be inaccurately portrayed by the British sex film industry, but this saucy relic is not funny enough and weirdly philosophical.
Dir: Val Guest
Stars: Astrid Frank, Johnny Briggs, Gabrielle Drake, Me Me Lai, John Le Mesurier, Richard O’Sullivan
AU REVOIR LES ENFANTS
1988
**
In Occupied France, the Germans get wind of Jews hiding out at a Catholic boys’ school.
Melancholy drama that was clearly a deeply personal film for the director; as such, the measured reminisces of schooldays during wartime are of less interest to the casual viewer than the tense, emotional final act when the Nazis step up their antagonism.
Dir: Louis Malle
Stars: Gaspard Manesse, Raphael Fejto, Francine Racette
AUDREY ROSE
1977
*
A man believes a 12-year-old girl is a reincarnation of his dead daughter.
Earnest horror which occasionally descends into hysteria. A good cast keeps it going.
Dir: Robert Wise
Stars: Anthony Hopkins, Marsha Mason, John Beck
AUNTIE MAME
1958
*
A young boy who has lost his father goes to live with his eccentric aunt.
A highly theatrical experience whose flamboyance ensures it should find fans in gay men; Russell is excellent, the sets are opulent and there are some very funny moments but overlength and much static camerawork make it more heavy going than it should have been.
Dir: Morton DaCosta
Stars: Rosalind Russell, Forrest Tucker, Coral Browne, Fred Clark
AUSTIN POWERS: INTERNATIONAL MAN OF MYSTERY
1997
*
A 1960s spy is frozen and re-awoken in the 1990s.
Mildly diverting spy spoof with a few old jokes resurrected and a few new ideas, made in a good spirit. On the whole, watching a Bond film would be preferable.
Dir: Jay Roach
Stars: Mike Myers, Liz Hurley, Michael York, Robert Wagner
AUSTIN POWERS: THE SPY WHO SHAGGED ME
1999
*
Doctor Evil travels back in time to 1969 to steal Austin’s mojo.
Superior sequel full of gags, some subtle, some unsubtle. It displays Myers’ talents better than any of his previous films.
Dir: Jay Roach
Stars: Mike Myers, Heather Graham, Michael York, Robert Wagner, Rob Lowe
1958
0
A twisted scientist shrinks people to six inches tall.
A weird film, a strange film; set largely in one building it offers very little characterisation and relies on special effects that aren't that special, and doesn't really go to thrilling places - but there are quirky moments for fans of such Fifties nonsense.
Dir: Bert I Gordon
Stars: John Agar, John Hoyt, June Kenney, Susan Gordon
ATTACK THE BLOCK
2011
*
A group of teenage thugs take on vicious aliens in a South London council block.
Minor sci-fi horror with problems, including repellent heroes and an unambitious plot; it’s made with some energy but can’t disguise its lowly origins.
Dir: Joe Cornish
Stars: John Boyega, Jodie Whittaker, Alex Esmail, Nick Frost
ATTEMPT TO KILL
1961
0
A man fears that his life is in danger thanks to a former employee.
No Edgar Wallace Mysteries could be said to be very bad or unwatchable, but this is a flattish one which tends to go through the motions, and it's not unpredictable.
Dir: Royston Morley
Stars: Derek Farr, Richard Pearson, Tony Wright, Patricia Mort
AU PAIR GIRLS
1972
0
Four au pairs have amorous adventures on their first night in London.
This vocation was of course crying out to be inaccurately portrayed by the British sex film industry, but this saucy relic is not funny enough and weirdly philosophical.
Dir: Val Guest
Stars: Astrid Frank, Johnny Briggs, Gabrielle Drake, Me Me Lai, John Le Mesurier, Richard O’Sullivan
AU REVOIR LES ENFANTS
1988
**
In Occupied France, the Germans get wind of Jews hiding out at a Catholic boys’ school.
Melancholy drama that was clearly a deeply personal film for the director; as such, the measured reminisces of schooldays during wartime are of less interest to the casual viewer than the tense, emotional final act when the Nazis step up their antagonism.
Dir: Louis Malle
Stars: Gaspard Manesse, Raphael Fejto, Francine Racette
AUDREY ROSE
1977
*
A man believes a 12-year-old girl is a reincarnation of his dead daughter.
Earnest horror which occasionally descends into hysteria. A good cast keeps it going.
Dir: Robert Wise
Stars: Anthony Hopkins, Marsha Mason, John Beck
AUNTIE MAME
1958
*
A young boy who has lost his father goes to live with his eccentric aunt.
A highly theatrical experience whose flamboyance ensures it should find fans in gay men; Russell is excellent, the sets are opulent and there are some very funny moments but overlength and much static camerawork make it more heavy going than it should have been.
Dir: Morton DaCosta
Stars: Rosalind Russell, Forrest Tucker, Coral Browne, Fred Clark
AUSTIN POWERS: INTERNATIONAL MAN OF MYSTERY
1997
*
A 1960s spy is frozen and re-awoken in the 1990s.
Mildly diverting spy spoof with a few old jokes resurrected and a few new ideas, made in a good spirit. On the whole, watching a Bond film would be preferable.
Dir: Jay Roach
Stars: Mike Myers, Liz Hurley, Michael York, Robert Wagner
AUSTIN POWERS: THE SPY WHO SHAGGED ME
1999
*
Doctor Evil travels back in time to 1969 to steal Austin’s mojo.
Superior sequel full of gags, some subtle, some unsubtle. It displays Myers’ talents better than any of his previous films.
Dir: Jay Roach
Stars: Mike Myers, Heather Graham, Michael York, Robert Wagner, Rob Lowe
AUSTIN POWERS IN GOLDMEMBER
2002
*
Austin Powers travels in time to defeat an unpleasant villain called Goldmember.
Third in the series goes for gag after gag after gag, ensuring that even if some fall flat - the Fat Bastard stuff isn't too enticing - there's still plenty to chortle at, including the Japanese subtitle bit, the Japanese twins and the bit with the silhouette. Its general attitude is pleasingly non-serious and freewheeling, with some fun cameos.
Dir: Jay Roach
Stars: Mike Myers, Beyonce, Michael Caine, Verne Troyer
AUSTRALIA AFTER DARK
1975
0
Mondo style documentary about things you don't normally see in films about Australia, including a same-sex wedding, naked body painting, drunken Aboriginals, a stripper who may not be fully a woman, a bespoke bikini maker, the making of a porn film, a naked scuba diver and more, mostly involving more naked women.
Oz gives mondo a go, and how ripe it seems for the genre; some time-killing for cultural anthropologists and general part-time nutters.
Dir: John D Lamond
Narrator: Hayes Gordon
AN AUTUMN AFTERNOON
1962
*
A father is concerned that his daughter is still unmarried.
The director’s final film contains his usual trademarks – the static camera and the like – as smart-suited Japanese businessmen sit around drinking sake discussing what they plan to do with their women. Perhaps the British equivalent of the time would have been kitchen sink dramas, and those would likely say more to the average Western viewer than this technically proficient but decidedly unexciting picture does.
Dir: Yasujiro Ozu
Stars: Shima Iwashita, Chishu Ryu, Keiji Sada
AN AUTUMN AFTERNOON
1962
*
A father is concerned that his daughter is still unmarried.
The director’s final film contains his usual trademarks – the static camera and the like – as smart-suited Japanese businessmen sit around drinking sake discussing what they plan to do with their women. Perhaps the British equivalent of the time would have been kitchen sink dramas, and those would likely say more to the average Western viewer than this technically proficient but decidedly unexciting picture does.
Dir: Yasujiro Ozu
Stars: Shima Iwashita, Chishu Ryu, Keiji Sada
AUTUMN SONATA
1978
**
A mother and daughter reunite after seven years apart, but it is not a success.
Intense talk piece which will say a lot to those who can empathise, though it's probably not a film sibling and parent should watch together, as it presents a bleak picture: parenthood is difficult, being a child is difficult, living is difficult, and the effects on relationships are not rose-coloured. Heavy, man, particularly the alcohol-infused argument and the bits with the disabled sister.
Dir: Ingmar Bergman
Stars: Ingrid Bergman, Liv Ullmann, Lena Nyman
AVALANCHE
1978
0
Snow spells trouble at a ski lodge.
Fairly average disaster movie not to be viewed before going on a skiing holiday.
Dir: Corey Allen
Stars: Rock Hudson, Mia Farrow, Robert Forster
AVATAR
2009
***
In 2154, colonisers from Earth plunder an alien planet rich in a valuable mineral, but one of their number, a paraplegic soldier, falls in with the natives in his ‘avatar’ body.
In some ways, the best film ever made, but only in some ways. In terms of movie technology, Cameron’s epic is a triumph which may well move cinema forward in the way, say, The Jazz Singer and Gone With The Wind did, thanks to its dazzling imagining of a 3D alien world. Story-wise it’s as old as the hills - with the usual dumb and hypocritical Hollywood take on politics - the native people’s mumbo-jumbo gets tiresome and little of the action is as exciting as the climactic battle; the mid-section is particularly soggy. But you have to take your hat off to a director who can make this sort of thing happen, turning his vision into a blockbusting reality. On the small screen and/or not in 3D, it probably warrants two rather than three stars.
Dir: James Cameron
Stars: Sam Worthington, Zoe Saldana, Sigourney Weaver, Stephen Lang
AVALANCHE
1978
0
Snow spells trouble at a ski lodge.
Fairly average disaster movie not to be viewed before going on a skiing holiday.
Dir: Corey Allen
Stars: Rock Hudson, Mia Farrow, Robert Forster
AVATAR
2009
***
In 2154, colonisers from Earth plunder an alien planet rich in a valuable mineral, but one of their number, a paraplegic soldier, falls in with the natives in his ‘avatar’ body.
In some ways, the best film ever made, but only in some ways. In terms of movie technology, Cameron’s epic is a triumph which may well move cinema forward in the way, say, The Jazz Singer and Gone With The Wind did, thanks to its dazzling imagining of a 3D alien world. Story-wise it’s as old as the hills - with the usual dumb and hypocritical Hollywood take on politics - the native people’s mumbo-jumbo gets tiresome and little of the action is as exciting as the climactic battle; the mid-section is particularly soggy. But you have to take your hat off to a director who can make this sort of thing happen, turning his vision into a blockbusting reality. On the small screen and/or not in 3D, it probably warrants two rather than three stars.
Dir: James Cameron
Stars: Sam Worthington, Zoe Saldana, Sigourney Weaver, Stephen Lang
AVATAR: THE WAY OF WATER
2022
**
Now Na'vi-like Quaritch seeks revenge on the Na'vi on Pandora.
A sequel exactly like what you think it will be like: a visually amazing sci-fi epic that goes on for ages and has bad dialogue and a minimum of real human feeling. It's rarely boring because the spectacle is strong, and both the storytelling and the editing is high calibre Hollywood, but you can get inured to those special effects and you question whether there should be a bit more to the filmmakers' narrative ambitions. When a man devotes at least 20 years of his life to a mammoth project like this, you expect there to be more than just a message of 'Indigenous people are fab, colonial invaders are bad'.
Dir: James Cameron
Stars: Sam Worthington, Stephen Lang, Zoe Saldana, Kate Winslet, Sigourney Weaver
1998
0
Agents Steed and Emma Peel come up against a maniac intent on controlling the weather.
Although not the absolute disaster that it’s usually claimed to be, this reimaging of the Sixties TV show gets a lot more wrong than it gets right: the two leads are colourless and have no chemistry, the dialogue is limp, the lead villain is dire and the plot makes very little sense – this is partly due to it being cut by around 45 minutes for theatrical release after ill-received test screenings. Those who love the original series could easily treble the amount of complaints here.
Dir: Jeremiah Chechik
Stars: Ralph Fiennes, Uma Thurman, Sean Connery, Patrick Macnee, Jim Broadbent, Eddie Izzard
AVENGERS ASSEMBLE
2012
**
Nick Fury brings a group of superheroes together to fight evil Asgardian god Loki.
Marvel’s long-awaited amalgamation of many of their top heroes into one picture has to be judged a pretty fair success, and a good example of a living, breathing comic strip: the individual super-types prove to be better suited to a team movie – they’re possibly not quite strong enough to star in a really great film of their own – and when it all comes together, particularly in the second half, comic book fans will not be the only people in the audience feeling a satisfying thrill. Dialogue is above average, special effects extraordinary, the plot pleasingly straightforward, the tone quite bright and the actors attractive, but those who praised it to the skies should remember that this is partly because it could have been a disaster, and also that it’s hardly up there with ‘proper’ classic movies. Finally, it’s worth noting that Hulk’s encounter with Loki is the funniest thing in years.
Dir: Joss Whedon
Stars: Robert Downey Jr, Chris Evans, Scarlett Johansson, Chris Hemsworth, Mark Ruffalo, Jeremy Renner, Tom Hiddleston, Samuel L Jackson, Cobie Smulders, Gwyneth Paltrow
AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON
2015
*
Tony Stark and Bruce Banner unwittingly unleash the awesome force of Ultron upon the world.
More dazzling superheroics along similar lines to the first film; it's difficult to say what is more overwhelming: the special effects, the ensemble of vibrant personalities, the amount of incident that is packed in, the number of people on the final credits... Whatever, Marvel fans will likely have their cake and eat it, and it's very rich chocolate cake at that.
Dir: Joss Whedon
Stars: Robert Downey Jr, Chris Evans, Scarlett Johansson, Chris Hemsworth, Mark Ruffalo, Jeremy Renner, James Spader, Samuel L Jackson, Paul Bettany, Cobie Smulders
AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR
2018
*
The whole universe is threatened by the might of superbeing Thanos.
Fans of this franchise collectively wet themselves with excitement at this movie, and the first thing to say is that there are an incredible amount of things going on - little dilemmas are created, and then solved by some application of enormous expense, but how much do they really matter, what with it all being made up...? The catering bill alone for this blockbuster must have been astronomical, and the money does show on screen, as it's frequently spectacular, but nitpickers might say that the humour in these Marvel films is never very funny, it's much too long, it's hard to get invested in the multitude of characters and it's too science-fiction-y. But those fans would ignore you and comment on something like how Spider-Man's Iron Spider costume is pretty cool.
Dir: Anthony Russo, Joe Russo
Stars: Robert Downey Jr, Chris Hemsworth, Mark Ruffalo, Chris Evans, Josh Brolin, Benedict Cumberbatch, Tom Holland, Scarlett Johansson, Zoe Saldana, Paul Bettany
AVENGERS: ENDGAME
2019
***
The Avengers hunt down Thanos.
Modern popular entertainment does not get more epic than this, and the money and man-hours that went into it are truly mind-boggling - it really speaks to how remarkable human beings are when they collaborate and create in a myriad of ways, and it's in particular testament to these directors' ability to control so many characters and storylines. The film demands a high rating, despite being a little too drawn out and aware of its own importance, because of its scale and ambition, and also because of its heart (we care about heroes we've now known for so long), its skilled assemblage and ability to make moments, such as those in the final battle, that are beyond dazzling spectacle. The best of the Avengers movies and probably the best Marvel Universe movie will have fans in heaven.
Dir: Anthony Russo, Joe Russo
Stars: Robert Downey Jr, Chris Evans, Mark Ruffalo, Chris Hemsworth, Jeremy Renner, Paul Rudd, Josh Brolin, Scarlett Johansson, Karen Gillan
AVENTURE MALGACHE
1944
*
A man relates the adventures he had while in the Resistance.
One of two shorts (the other was Bon Voyage, qv) that Hitchcock made as wartime propaganda. An interesting relic.
Dir: Alfred Hitchcock
Stars: The Moliere Players
THE AVIATOR
2004
*
The life of Howard Hughes; aviator, movie maker, womaniser, nutter.
Handsome but extremely long and unsatisfactory biopic; the size of the task eventually defeats Scorsese - there’s no real focus or vision.
Dir: Martin Scorsese
Stars: Leonardo DiCaprio, Cate Blanchett, Kate Beckinsale, Alec Baldwin, Alan Alda, Ian Holm, Jude Law
L’AVVENTURA
1960
*
Friends take a boat to a remote island but one mysteriously disappears…
…which sounds intriguing, but as all fans of this film know, this plotline goes nowhere, and goes nowhere slowly. Despite all the plaudits it’s been awarded over the years, the movie is ultimately unsatisfying – in fact it’s unsatisfying at least an hour before it ends.
Dir: Michelangelo Antonioni
Stars: Gabriele Ferzetti, Monica Vitti, Lea Massari
THE AWAKENING
1980
0
An archaeologist believes his daughter to be possessed by an Egyptian queen.
Bloated horror which goes at a torpid pace.
Dir: Mike Newell
Stars: Charlton Heston, Susannah York, Jill Townsend
AWAKENINGS
1990
**
In the late Sixties, a shy doctor comes to realise that a certain drug can give catatonic patients a decent life.
Over-sentimental and simplified it may be, but this drama has a solid professionalism, star names and a fascinating story to tell - its intentions are, on balance, good.
Dir: Penny Marshall
Stars: Robin Williams, Robert De Niro, Julie Kavner, John Heard
THE AWFUL DR ORLOFF
1962
0
A mad doctor kills young women in an effort to restore his daughter’s looks.
The director's fourth feature film, and his first horror, is remarkably professional and well-mounted compared to the depths he would sink to years later when he'd make perhaps one movie a month - the black-and-white gothica of some scenes is quite impressive, even if the story is unremarkable and the police procedural stuff takes up too much time. The dubbing's poor and there's a bit of nudity in some prints. Note: French police officers investigating abduction cases will choose to go to bed rather than open an envelope to them marked 'urgent'.
Dir: Jess Franco
Stars: Howard Vernon, Conrado San Martin, Diana Lorys, Perla Cristal
THE AWFUL TRUTH
1937
**
A couple split up, then realise they really need each other.
Fondly remembered crazy comedy, a successful transition from stage play.
Dir: Leo McCarey
Stars: Irene Dunne, Cary Grant, Ralph Bellamy
AXE
1977
0
Three thugs invite themselves into the home of a strange girl and her paralysed grandfather.
A slip of a horror film, very low budget and just over an hour long, it doesn’t really amount to much because it’s so lean in every department. It was deemed obscene by the Director of Public Prosecutions but is pretty tame on the gore front.
Dir: Frederick R Friedel
Stars: Leslie Lee, Jack Canon, Ray Green
