1990
*
A couple's dream home is ruined by an unbalanced tenant.
An example of a highly paid scriptwriter doing what he's told to do very professionally, penning a slick and watchable thriller.
Dir: John Schlesinger
Stars: Melanie Griffith, Matthew Modine, Michael Keaton, Mako
PACK UP YOUR TROUBLES
1932
**
Soldiers Stan and Ollie are landed with a baby girl and have to find her grandfather. Unfortunately his name is Smith.
The boys' second feature film is a little more polished than their first one (Pardon Us, qv) but still rather uneven story-wise, with some unusually dark interludes involving wife-beating, infidelity and the horrors of war; that isn't the main drawback though - it's that there aren't quite enough laughs when there should be, and the splendid supporting cast - Finlayson, Middleton and Gilbert especially - is only sparingly used. There are still many pleasures, though.
Dir: George Marshall, Ray McCarey
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Don Dillaway, James Finlayson, Charles Middleton, Billy Gilbert
PADDINGTON
2014
*
A little bear from Peru comes to London where he is adopted by a family.
Better than expected adaptation of a much-loved children's character from a series of books, with much keen humour and visual quirkiness - it's nice for all ages. Quite amusing how such a pro-immigration film set in London is so white.
Dir: Paul King
Stars: Ben Whishaw, Hugh Bonneville, Sally Hawkins, Nicole Kidman, Julie Walters
PADDINGTON 2
2017
***
Paddington is mistakenly accused of the theft of a valuable book and sent to prison.
Truly, fun for all the family, and more besides: a genuinely inventive, spectacularly good-natured and impressively cinematic comic fantasy that makes the world a marginally better place by its existence. In a film full of delights, Grant is sublime as the villain, with all the rest of the cast game too, and the final song and dance routine caps its knowing nuttiness perfectly. In what other movie nowadays would you see people use red telephone boxes, print newspapers and drive steam trains, not to mention witness a small bear try to cut someone's hair, clean windows and make marmalade?
Dir: Paul King
Stars: Ben Whishaw, Hugh Grant, Hugh Bonneville, Sally Hawkins, Brendan Gleeson, Julie Walters, Jim Broadbent
THE PAINTED VEIL
1934
*
A woman is forced to desert her lover and fight a cholera epidemic with her scientist husband.
Emasculated drama that lacks the moral and sexual complexities of both the novel and the 2006 version; it starts slowly and struggles to assert itself despite the star’s efforts.
Dir: Richard Boleslawski
Stars: Greta Garbo, Herbert Marshall, George Brent, Warner Oland
THE PAINTED VEIL
2006
**
In 1925 China, a biologist punishes his adulterous wife by forcing her to accompany him to a cholera-ridden area of the country.
Although not as succinct, compelling or pointed as the book, this is a carefully made treatment of Maugham's novel about one woman's spiritual awakening while adrift from civilisation. Extremely well shot almost entirely in China, its tale of 'a marriage in reverse' doesn't, in the final stages, pack the intense punch that might have been hoped for, perhaps because the couple remain too aloof to engage our emotions.
Dir: John Curran
Stars: Naomi Watts, Edward Norton, Toby Jones, Liev Schreiber, Diana Rigg
THE PALACE
2023
0
On New Year's Eve 1999, wealthy and eccentric guests gather to celebrate at a salubrious Swiss hotel.
While not quite the absolute disaster critics (possibly with an agenda) painted it to be, there's no question Polanski's broad comic drama is a misfire, and a puzzling one, despite its beautifully shot imagery, manic energy and a scenario that lends itself to fun and games; it doesn't find the right tone as, for example, the not dissimilar Triangle Of Sadness (qv) did, and much of its tastelessness will turn audiences off. There's also the question of what it all means: just what message was the director trying to get across?
Dir: Roman Polanski
Stars: Mickey Rourke, Oliver Masucci, John Cleese, Fanny Ardant, Bronwyn James
PALE RIDER
1985
*
A gun-slinging preacher protects a village from a greedy mining company.
Supernatural western similar to the star/director's High Plains Drifter but not an improvement.
Dir: Clint Eastwood
Stars: Clint Eastwood, Michael Moriarty, Carrie Snodgress, Chris Penn, Richard Kiel
THE PALEFACE
1948
*
In the Old West, a useless dentist and Calamity Jane join forces to stop villains giving arms to the Indians.
Among the better Hope vehicles, this is a comedy with a fairly dramatic plot and some genuinely funny moments, which often happen to involve animals. It's colourful and energetic, even if Russell seems a little serious.
Dir: Norman Z McLeod
Stars: Bob Hope, Jane Russell, Robert Armstrong
THE PALM BEACH STORY
1942
*
The wife of an inventor decides to divorce him and marry someone rich to fund him.
Preston Sturges is a director who leaves some of us if not cold then only slightly warmed up: his movies, such as this one, have what were once considered rather outrageous plots and feature garrulous characters involved in frenetic situations - it's vibrant and noisy, just not overly sympathetic or funny. Big screwball comedy aficionados might also ignore the pacing issues and its datedness.
Dir: Preston Sturges
Stars: Claudette Colbert, Joel McCrea, Mary Astor, Rudy Vallee
PALM SPRINGS
2020
*
Two wedding guests are stuck in a time loop, living the same day over and over again.
It's a surprise that it took so long for someone to do Groundhog Day x2, and this much ruder take mostly works: the high concept is utilised in some quirky and amusing ways. Its message is not just seize the day but don't stop pushing to change your circumstance - and that's a pretty positive message; its sunny climate also creates optimism.
Dir: Max Barbakow
Stars: Andy Samberg, Cristin Milioti, JK Simmons, Peter Gallagher
PANDORA AND THE FLYING DUTCHMAN
1950
*
A sexy singer meets a mysterious sea captain.
Bloated fantasy mainly of interest to those who like their films pretentious, confusing and starchy.
Dir: Albert Lewin
Stars: James Mason, Ava Gardner, Nigel Patrick
PANDORA’S BOX
1929
*
A woman who all men fall for gradually loses her grip on life.
A movie that gained admirers years after the fact, and was perhaps then a little over-praised: it's an extremely slow, gloomy picture with photography that may either be strikingly sophisticated, or possibly just ‘enhanced’ by the technical limitations of the time. Brooks looks mesmeric (but she doesn’t have that hairstyle for every minute of the movie), and it's remarkably adult, but unless you watch a print with a bespoke music score, it perhaps loses something, a problem some of these silent films suffer with their generic, plastered-on scores. Whatever, it's yet another movie that Halliwell’s Film Guide gave away the ending of.
Dir: Georg Wlhelm Pabst
Stars: Louise Brooks, Fritz Kortner, Francis Lederer
PANIC
1963
0
After her workplace is robbed and her boss killed, a secretary who was knocked out in the robbery awakes with no memory of what happened.
It's a shame that this B-thriller can't maintain the excitement and interest of its first 20 minutes or so, but there's still a bit of nice location shooting and the performances from the large cast are committed.
Dir: John Gilling
Stars: Janine Gray, Glyn Houston, Dyson Lovell, Duncan Lamont
PANIC
1978
**
A woman gives a lift to an odd old lady.
Effective short, all rain-drenched streets, neon lighting and an unsettling atmosphere in the car, with a subtle, creepy denouement.
Dir: James Dearden
Stars: Julie Neesam, Avis Bunnage, Peter Blake
PANIC IN THE STREETS
1950
**
Police try to track down a killer infected with bubonic plague.
Effectively shot on the streets of New Orleans, this is a bustling, bothered thriller that’s a little unfocused and sprawling but style-wise paved the way for many close imitators.
Dir: Elia Kazan
Stars: Richard Widmark, Jack Palance, Paul Douglas, Barbara Bel Geddes, Zero Mostel
PANIC IN YEAR ZERO!
1962
*
An LA family setting out on holiday discover that the bomb has dropped.
The apocalypse on a shoestring budget, further undermined in dramatic terms by an inappropriate jazz score and some campy dialogue ("There's nothing like eating under an open sky... even if it is radioactive"), but quite sharp in its early depictions of how supply and demand economics underpins civilisation: it's not long before wheeling and dealing turns brutal. Pity the film somewhat fizzles out later on, unsure what to do next with its post-apoc scenario.
Dir: Ray Milland
Stars: Ray Milland, Jean Hagen, Frankie Avalon
PAN'S LABYRINTH
2006
**
In the fascist Spain of 1944, the young stepdaughter of a sadistic army general escapes into a strange fantasy world.
Dark fantasy, a sort of Alice In Wonderland with nasty fascist soldiers, this unusual film won many accolades and looks fantastic, but doesn't fully engage the emotions - perhaps the girl isn't sympathetically sketched in enough.
Dir: Guillermo del Toro
Stars: Ariadna Gil, Ivana Baquero, Sergi Lopez, Maribel Verdu
PANTHER
1995
0
The story of the Black Panther movement and their campaign for black people's rights.
Angst-ridden melodrama which tries to cram everything in; its constant angry tone and biased narrative become tiresome.
Dir: Mario Van Peebles
Stars: Joe Don Baker, Bobby Brown, Angela Basset, Chris Rock
PAPER MASK
1990
*
A lowly hospital orderly impersonates a doctor.
One wonders how credible this plot is while at the same time struggling to categorise the film, which has a jarring change of mood half way through and features an abundance of coincidences.
Dir: Christopher Morahan
Stars: Paul McGann, Amanda Donohoe, Frederick Treves
PAPER MOON
1973
**
During the time of the Depression, a con man and a streetwise young girl travel the country fleecing folk.
Stylish comic drama with a lot of charm, nicely shot in black and white.
Dir: Peter Bogdanovich
Stars: Ryan O'Neal, Tatum O'Neal, Madeline Kahn
PAPERHOUSE
1988
0
A girl finds she can escape into the world that she draws.
Watery, drawn out (no pun intended) junior horror, a small fry Nightmare On Elm Street.
Dir: Bernard Rose
Stars: Charlotte Burke, Jane Bertish, Samantha Cahill
PAPILLON
1973
**
A prisoner constantly plots to escape from a hellish island prison.
The bond between McQueen and Hoffman never really convinces, but this is an extremely solid prison picture, vividly shot on location, full of good scenes and performances.
Dir: Franklin J Schaffner
Stars: Steve McQueen, Dustin Hoffman, William Smithers
PAPRIKA
1991
*
A country girl comes to a city to work in a brothel.
A collection of scenes featuring astonishing female beauty on show, with a few icky ones thrown in too; it’s one of the director’s better movies and besides being extremely titillating has humour and a sense of period, although it does outstay its welcome.
Dir: Tinto Brass
Stars: Deborah Caprioglio, Stephane Ferrara, Martine Brochard
THE PARADINE CASE
1947
**
A woman falls in love with the lawyer who is representing her when she has been accused of poisoning her husband.
Hitchcock used to say films should be action not words yet he completely goes against that here in one of his less celebrated pictures. It’s not without interest though, as the dialogue, if you’re patient enough to listen to it, reveals plenty about love and desire, much of the cast is splendid – especially old hands Laughton and Barrymore – and the camerawork is occasionally sublime, especially during the courtroom scenes, where Hitch suggests so much through its clever movement.
Dir: Alfred Hitchcock
Stars: Gregory Peck, Ann Todd, Alida Valli, Charles Laughton, Charles Coburn, Ethel Barrymore, Leo G Carroll
PARADISE
1982
0
In 1823, two youngsters in Baghdad are forced to flee trouble, but find an oasis of calm.
Suitably dreadful Blue Lagoon rip-off with terrible acting - especially Aames - but compensations in the shape of the truly stunning Cates' numerous clothes-free scenes.
Dir: Stuart Gillard
Stars: Phoebe Cates, Willie Aames
PARADISIO
1957
0
A professor travelling through Europe is given a pair of X-ray spectacles, allowing him to see through women's clothing.
A bizarre, almost unbelievable artefact, with a dubbed on soundtrack and nude sequences in 3D. The plot is non-existent, the locations pure travelogue, the entire effect bamboozling.
Dir: Henri Haile
Stars: Arthur Howard, Eva Wagner
THE PARALLAX VIEW
1974
**
A reporter investigates a senator's assassination and begins to uncover a huge conspiracy.
Clearly inspired by the Kennedy killings, this is a strikingly shot thriller with a deliberately obfuscated narrative.
Dir: Alan J Pakula
Stars: Warren Beatty, Hume Cronyn, William Daniels
PARANOIAC
1963
*
A man tries to scare his sister to death to get her share of an inheritance.
Enjoyable Hammer thriller whose many twists hold the attention.
Dir: Freddie Francis
Stars: Oliver Reed, Janette Scott, Maurice Denham, Sheila Burrell
1950
**
Police try to track down a killer infected with bubonic plague.
Effectively shot on the streets of New Orleans, this is a bustling, bothered thriller that’s a little unfocused and sprawling but style-wise paved the way for many close imitators.
Dir: Elia Kazan
Stars: Richard Widmark, Jack Palance, Paul Douglas, Barbara Bel Geddes, Zero Mostel
PANIC IN YEAR ZERO!
1962
*
An LA family setting out on holiday discover that the bomb has dropped.
The apocalypse on a shoestring budget, further undermined in dramatic terms by an inappropriate jazz score and some campy dialogue ("There's nothing like eating under an open sky... even if it is radioactive"), but quite sharp in its early depictions of how supply and demand economics underpins civilisation: it's not long before wheeling and dealing turns brutal. Pity the film somewhat fizzles out later on, unsure what to do next with its post-apoc scenario.
Dir: Ray Milland
Stars: Ray Milland, Jean Hagen, Frankie Avalon
PAN'S LABYRINTH
2006
**
In the fascist Spain of 1944, the young stepdaughter of a sadistic army general escapes into a strange fantasy world.
Dark fantasy, a sort of Alice In Wonderland with nasty fascist soldiers, this unusual film won many accolades and looks fantastic, but doesn't fully engage the emotions - perhaps the girl isn't sympathetically sketched in enough.
Dir: Guillermo del Toro
Stars: Ariadna Gil, Ivana Baquero, Sergi Lopez, Maribel Verdu
PANTHER
1995
0
The story of the Black Panther movement and their campaign for black people's rights.
Angst-ridden melodrama which tries to cram everything in; its constant angry tone and biased narrative become tiresome.
Dir: Mario Van Peebles
Stars: Joe Don Baker, Bobby Brown, Angela Basset, Chris Rock
PAPER MASK
1990
*
A lowly hospital orderly impersonates a doctor.
One wonders how credible this plot is while at the same time struggling to categorise the film, which has a jarring change of mood half way through and features an abundance of coincidences.
Dir: Christopher Morahan
Stars: Paul McGann, Amanda Donohoe, Frederick Treves
PAPER MOON
1973
**
During the time of the Depression, a con man and a streetwise young girl travel the country fleecing folk.
Stylish comic drama with a lot of charm, nicely shot in black and white.
Dir: Peter Bogdanovich
Stars: Ryan O'Neal, Tatum O'Neal, Madeline Kahn
PAPERHOUSE
1988
0
A girl finds she can escape into the world that she draws.
Watery, drawn out (no pun intended) junior horror, a small fry Nightmare On Elm Street.
Dir: Bernard Rose
Stars: Charlotte Burke, Jane Bertish, Samantha Cahill
PAPILLON
1973
**
A prisoner constantly plots to escape from a hellish island prison.
The bond between McQueen and Hoffman never really convinces, but this is an extremely solid prison picture, vividly shot on location, full of good scenes and performances.
Dir: Franklin J Schaffner
Stars: Steve McQueen, Dustin Hoffman, William Smithers
PAPRIKA
1991
*
A country girl comes to a city to work in a brothel.
A collection of scenes featuring astonishing female beauty on show, with a few icky ones thrown in too; it’s one of the director’s better movies and besides being extremely titillating has humour and a sense of period, although it does outstay its welcome.
Dir: Tinto Brass
Stars: Deborah Caprioglio, Stephane Ferrara, Martine Brochard
PARADE
1974 (TV)
*
A small circus entertains an audience.
Tati's final feature isn't really a proper film, it's a mostly shot-on-video, made-for-Swedish television log of various circus acts, including juggling, acrobatics, animals and magic, introduced by Tati himself. The acts vary in interest - some of them, such as the juggling, are impressive, while quirky asides (the chap who takes his motorcycle helmet off to unleash huge hair, or the audience member who performs tricks) lift it. Nevertheless, it's a long way from the French comedian's early features, and may bemuse some audiences; the excising of the pop group would definitely be an idea.
Dir: Jacques Tati
Stars: Jacques Tati, Karl Kossmayer, Pierre Bramma
THE PARADINE CASE
1947
**
A woman falls in love with the lawyer who is representing her when she has been accused of poisoning her husband.
Hitchcock used to say films should be action not words yet he completely goes against that here in one of his less celebrated pictures. It’s not without interest though, as the dialogue, if you’re patient enough to listen to it, reveals plenty about love and desire, much of the cast is splendid – especially old hands Laughton and Barrymore – and the camerawork is occasionally sublime, especially during the courtroom scenes, where Hitch suggests so much through its clever movement.
Dir: Alfred Hitchcock
Stars: Gregory Peck, Ann Todd, Alida Valli, Charles Laughton, Charles Coburn, Ethel Barrymore, Leo G Carroll
PARADISE
1982
0
In 1823, two youngsters in Baghdad are forced to flee trouble, but find an oasis of calm.
Suitably dreadful Blue Lagoon rip-off with terrible acting - especially Aames - but compensations in the shape of the truly stunning Cates' numerous clothes-free scenes.
Dir: Stuart Gillard
Stars: Phoebe Cates, Willie Aames
PARADISIO
1957
0
A professor travelling through Europe is given a pair of X-ray spectacles, allowing him to see through women's clothing.
A bizarre, almost unbelievable artefact, with a dubbed on soundtrack and nude sequences in 3D. The plot is non-existent, the locations pure travelogue, the entire effect bamboozling.
Dir: Henri Haile
Stars: Arthur Howard, Eva Wagner
THE PARALLAX VIEW
1974
**
A reporter investigates a senator's assassination and begins to uncover a huge conspiracy.
Clearly inspired by the Kennedy killings, this is a strikingly shot thriller with a deliberately obfuscated narrative.
Dir: Alan J Pakula
Stars: Warren Beatty, Hume Cronyn, William Daniels
PARAMOUNT ON PARADE
1930
0
A musical revue featuring Paramount's biggest stars of the time.
A museum piece, an artefact of early talkies cinema that now appears to be unavailable in its full, original form. It's patchy viewing even for the few remaining fans of this sort of thing, with tiresome stretches, but the part-repeated party sketch near the end has novelty, Chevalier does his thing a few times, including in the elaborate finale, and Sherlock Holmes-Fu Manchu completists might want to see their bit. Would a pristine print make a difference? Sad that everyone who had anything to do with it is now dead.
Dir: Various
Stars: Jean Arthur, Clara Bow, Maurice Chevalier, Clive Brook, Warner Oland
PARANOIAC
1963
*
A man tries to scare his sister to death to get her share of an inheritance.
Enjoyable Hammer thriller whose many twists hold the attention.
Dir: Freddie Francis
Stars: Oliver Reed, Janette Scott, Maurice Denham, Sheila Burrell
PARANORMAL ACTIVITY
2007
*
A couple are disturbed by a possible demonic presence in their house.
Apparently the most profitable film of all time, this launched any amount of sequels and fortified the mostly painful 'found footage' horror genre; viewed years later, with its slowish and predictable build-up of incident, it's no great shakes, but it probably never could be, given the limitations of the format. Those who view it in exactly the right circumstance - crowded into a small, dark room on Halloween, for instance - may disagree with this.
Dir: Oren Peli
Stars: Katie Featherston, Micah Sloat, Mark Fredrichs
PARASITE
1982
0
In the post-war future, a scientist grows a parasite monster in his stomach.
Crude shocker on ramshackle sets.
Dir: Charles Band
Stars: Robert Glaudini, Demi Moore, Luca Bercovici
PARASITE
2019
****
In South Korea, a poor family inveigle their way into the lives of a very rich one.
The first foreign language film to win the Best Picture Oscar is a supremely original and masterfully controlled gem that almost defies categorisation - it's in turn a crime drama, a thriller, a black comedy, a little bit horror, and at one point practically a Ray Cooney-type farce. Scene-to-scene fascinating, it keeps the viewer always on the alert, makes social points without didacticism, and in general gives a lesson to Hollywood on how to make nimble, polished, clever cinema.
Dir: Bong Joon Ho
Stars: Song Kang Ho, Lee Sun Kyun, Cho Yeo Jeong, Choo Woo Shik, Park So Dam
PARDON US
1931
*
Stan and Ollie wind up in jail after trying to sell beer to a policeman.
Laurel and Hardy's first full-length feature displays signs of hesitance and discomfort with the longer running time, and some of the material is a little clunky or long-winded (the songs go on a bit), but there are funny moments, like Long smacking Hardy and the sounds of carnage at the dentist's; Finlayson is also on typically fine form as the teacher.
Dir: James Parrott
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Walter Long, Tiny Sandford, James Finlayson, Charlie Hall
NB Remade by the boys in various foreign language editions, including a German one, Hinter Schloss Und Riegel, of which only brief clips survive.
PARENTHOOD
1989
**
The trials and tribulations of a couple raising a family.
A must-see for all parents, this is a telling and endearing movie with hilarious high spots.
Dir: Ron Howard
Stars: Steve Martin, Dianne Wiest, Mary Steenburgen, Jason Robards, Rick Moranis, Tom Hulce, Keanu Reeves
PARENTS
1989
**
In 1950s suburbia, a boy suspects that his mother and father are cannibals.
Effective and compelling black comedy which successfully conveys a sense of paranoia.
Dir: Bob Balaban
Stars: Randy Quaid, Mary Beth Hurt, Sandy Dennis
PARIS-MANHATTAN
2012
*
A pharmacist obsessed with Woody Allen has problems in love.
A film which makes you appreciate Allen's films even more, this paean to the great man is vaguely reminiscent of Play It Again, Sam, but is weakly scripted, miscast and oddly inconsequential. If it wasn't for a cameo by Woody near the end it'd be even more a piffling trifle, albeit not an unpleasant one.
Dir: Sophie Lellouche
Stars: Alice Taglioni, Patrick Bruel, Marine Delterme, Woody Allen
PARIS, TEXAS
1984
**
A father is found in the desert after being missing for four years.
A careful, beautiful film that's essentially an unconventional romance, it's also about fathers and sons and people who can't find what they're looking for - that's if they even know what it is they're looking for. Those who can empathise with the characters will, of course, get most out of it. Long and slow but not a little haunting, its Ry Cooder score is evocative and its cinematography is superb (the 2010 Criterion DVD shows it off magnificently), with Kinski the most stunning image of them all.
Dir: Wim Wenders
Stars: Harry Dean Stanton, Dean Stockwell, Nastassja Kinski, Hunter Carson
THE PAROLE OFFICER
2001
*
A failed parole officer is framed for murder.
Traditional British comedy with Coogan in familiar form, it’s a painless 90 minutes.
Dir: John Duigan
Stars: Steve Coogan, Emma Gilmour, Susan Jane Tanner
PARTIE DE CAMPAGNE
PARENTHOOD
1989
**
The trials and tribulations of a couple raising a family.
A must-see for all parents, this is a telling and endearing movie with hilarious high spots.
Dir: Ron Howard
Stars: Steve Martin, Dianne Wiest, Mary Steenburgen, Jason Robards, Rick Moranis, Tom Hulce, Keanu Reeves
PARENTS
1989
**
In 1950s suburbia, a boy suspects that his mother and father are cannibals.
Effective and compelling black comedy which successfully conveys a sense of paranoia.
Dir: Bob Balaban
Stars: Randy Quaid, Mary Beth Hurt, Sandy Dennis
PARIS-MANHATTAN
2012
*
A pharmacist obsessed with Woody Allen has problems in love.
A film which makes you appreciate Allen's films even more, this paean to the great man is vaguely reminiscent of Play It Again, Sam, but is weakly scripted, miscast and oddly inconsequential. If it wasn't for a cameo by Woody near the end it'd be even more a piffling trifle, albeit not an unpleasant one.
Dir: Sophie Lellouche
Stars: Alice Taglioni, Patrick Bruel, Marine Delterme, Woody Allen
PARIS, TEXAS
1984
**
A father is found in the desert after being missing for four years.
A careful, beautiful film that's essentially an unconventional romance, it's also about fathers and sons and people who can't find what they're looking for - that's if they even know what it is they're looking for. Those who can empathise with the characters will, of course, get most out of it. Long and slow but not a little haunting, its Ry Cooder score is evocative and its cinematography is superb (the 2010 Criterion DVD shows it off magnificently), with Kinski the most stunning image of them all.
Dir: Wim Wenders
Stars: Harry Dean Stanton, Dean Stockwell, Nastassja Kinski, Hunter Carson
THE PAROLE OFFICER
2001
*
A failed parole officer is framed for murder.
Traditional British comedy with Coogan in familiar form, it’s a painless 90 minutes.
Dir: John Duigan
Stars: Steve Coogan, Emma Gilmour, Susan Jane Tanner
PARTIE DE CAMPAGNE
1946
*
A family spend a pleasant day in the countryside.
Apparently the director never finished this film, but possibly it works better this way: we get the gap of years before the final scene, a scene that feels like the sun has gone in and there's now a chill in the air. You still can't help but feel this slim enterprise is overpraised by critics, who love a French black and white movie, with a couple of characters who are annoyingly loud.
Dir: Jean Renoir
Stars: Sylvia Bataille, Jane Marken, Georges D'Arnoux
THE PARTNER
1963
0
A killer strikes at a London film studio.
Colourless and confusing Edgar Wallace Mystery which partly tries to reflect the burgeoning youth culture of the time, with less than successful results; it's chiefly notable for providing glimpses of Merton Studios.
Dir: Gerard Glaister
Stars: Yoko Tani, Guy Doleman, Ewan Roberts, Anthony Booth
PARTNERS IN CRIME
1961
*
Investigations begin when a businessman is shot dead in his home.
Enjoyable instalment of the Edgar Wallace series; the lead criminal's plot falls apart rather quickly and he only makes things worse for himself, but it's a fun watch. The marvellous theme music became ever better with this fourth entry, guitar replacing woodwind.
Dir: Peter Duffell
Stars: Bernard Lee, John Van Eyssen, Moira Redmond
THE PARTY
1968
**
An Indian would-be film star is mistakenly invited to a swanky party and causes chaos.
Frequently hilarious comedy which nevertheless drags towards the end because the director can't think of what more to do with the star, who here gives one of his best-remembered slapstick performances outside of the Pink Panther movies.
Dir: Blake Edwards
Stars: Peter Sellers, Claudine Longet, Natalia Borisova
THE PARTY
2017
*
A house party held to celebrate a female politician getting a promotion goes haywire.
Punchy little ensemble piece perfect for a middle-class cinema audience in a place like, say, Bath. It has wit, characterful performances and a great final line, almost being an Abigail's Party for these times.
Dir: Sally Potter
Stars: Kristin Scott Thomas, Timothy Spall, Patricia Clarkson, Emily Mortimer, Bruno Ganz, Cherry Jones, Cillian Murphy
PARTY PARTY
1983
0
Teenagers hold a wild party in north London.
Atrociously scripted tat which, although it barely has a plot, manages to create wholly unbelievable situations. Apart from some of the music it's all hideously uncool.
Dir: Terry Winsor
Stars: Daniel Peacock, Karl Howman, Caroline Quentin
THE PARTY’S OVER
1965
0
An American girl in London becomes involved with a dubious pack of beatniks.
Unattractive drama that foreshadows the work of Bret Easton Ellis (especially Less Than Zero), with its collection of amoral youths not even bothered about the death of one of their own, but at the same time is somewhat dated by its nihilistic beatniks theme. Amazing to think that this was made by Hamilton around the same time as he directed Goldfinger, although he had his name removed from the credits here.
Dir: Guy Hamilton
Stars: Oliver Reed, Clifford David, Ann Lynn, Katherine Woodville, Louise Sorel, Mike Pratt
A PASSAGE TO INDIA
1984
***
During the days of the Raj, a white female tourist accuses an Indian doctor of rape.
Absorbing period drama in typical Lean style: an intelligent human drama acted out against picturesque historical backgrounds.
Dir: David Lean
Stars: Alec Guinness, Peggy Ashcroft, James Fox, Judy Davis, Saeed Jaffrey, Nigel Havers, Richard Wilson, Art Malik
THE PARTNER
1963
0
A killer strikes at a London film studio.
Colourless and confusing Edgar Wallace Mystery which partly tries to reflect the burgeoning youth culture of the time, with less than successful results; it's chiefly notable for providing glimpses of Merton Studios.
Dir: Gerard Glaister
Stars: Yoko Tani, Guy Doleman, Ewan Roberts, Anthony Booth
PARTNERS IN CRIME
1961
*
Investigations begin when a businessman is shot dead in his home.
Enjoyable instalment of the Edgar Wallace series; the lead criminal's plot falls apart rather quickly and he only makes things worse for himself, but it's a fun watch. The marvellous theme music became ever better with this fourth entry, guitar replacing woodwind.
Dir: Peter Duffell
Stars: Bernard Lee, John Van Eyssen, Moira Redmond
THE PARTY
1968
**
An Indian would-be film star is mistakenly invited to a swanky party and causes chaos.
Frequently hilarious comedy which nevertheless drags towards the end because the director can't think of what more to do with the star, who here gives one of his best-remembered slapstick performances outside of the Pink Panther movies.
Dir: Blake Edwards
Stars: Peter Sellers, Claudine Longet, Natalia Borisova
THE PARTY
2017
*
A house party held to celebrate a female politician getting a promotion goes haywire.
Punchy little ensemble piece perfect for a middle-class cinema audience in a place like, say, Bath. It has wit, characterful performances and a great final line, almost being an Abigail's Party for these times.
Dir: Sally Potter
Stars: Kristin Scott Thomas, Timothy Spall, Patricia Clarkson, Emily Mortimer, Bruno Ganz, Cherry Jones, Cillian Murphy
PARTY PARTY
1983
0
Teenagers hold a wild party in north London.
Atrociously scripted tat which, although it barely has a plot, manages to create wholly unbelievable situations. Apart from some of the music it's all hideously uncool.
Dir: Terry Winsor
Stars: Daniel Peacock, Karl Howman, Caroline Quentin
THE PARTY’S OVER
1965
0
An American girl in London becomes involved with a dubious pack of beatniks.
Unattractive drama that foreshadows the work of Bret Easton Ellis (especially Less Than Zero), with its collection of amoral youths not even bothered about the death of one of their own, but at the same time is somewhat dated by its nihilistic beatniks theme. Amazing to think that this was made by Hamilton around the same time as he directed Goldfinger, although he had his name removed from the credits here.
Dir: Guy Hamilton
Stars: Oliver Reed, Clifford David, Ann Lynn, Katherine Woodville, Louise Sorel, Mike Pratt
A PASSAGE TO INDIA
1984
***
During the days of the Raj, a white female tourist accuses an Indian doctor of rape.
Absorbing period drama in typical Lean style: an intelligent human drama acted out against picturesque historical backgrounds.
Dir: David Lean
Stars: Alec Guinness, Peggy Ashcroft, James Fox, Judy Davis, Saeed Jaffrey, Nigel Havers, Richard Wilson, Art Malik
THE PASSENGER
1975
**
A journalist in a war zone, tired of his lot, takes on the identity of an English arms dealer who has died of a heart attack.
One of Antonioni's more accessible movies, despite its leisurely pacing, this is a beautifully shot treatise on the travails of existence and how although we may seek escape, by in this instance 'becoming' somebody else, we never really can - until death. Nicholson is the ideal lead, his character taking in locations that are always interesting to look at, in a plot that is moderately thriller-like that reaches its conclusion with some rightly famous camerawork. Not for everyone, but intelligent cinema from a decade full of intelligent cinema.
Dir: Michelangelo Antonioni
Stars: Jack Nicholson, Maria Schneider, Jenny Runacre, Ian Hendry
PASSENGERS
2016
***
On a spacecraft travelling to a far-off colony planet, one of the sleeping humans is accidentally awoken 90 years too early.
An enthralling journey, possibly the best sci-fi film of its year. Strangely undervalued by critics, it's gorgeous looking, thoughtful, sexy and compelling, ably performed by its small cast and full of intriguing concepts and great scenes.
Dir: Morten Tyldum
Stars: Chris Pratt, Jennifer Lawrence, Michael Sheen, Laurence Fishburne
THE PASSING OF THE THIRD FLOOR BACK
1935
0
The inhabitants of a grim boarding house have their lives changed by a mysterious new boarder.
Creaky and syrupy drama with extremely dated performances.
Dir: Berthold Viertel
Stars: Conrad Veidt, Anna Lee, Rene Ray
PASSION FLOWER HOTEL
1978
0
The girls at a private boarding school sell sexual favours to the boys' school across the lake.
Uncertain sex comedy that doesn't really go anywhere, although those looking for nudity from the beautiful young star will eventually see their patience rewarded. Not an unpleasant watch - its European attitude is quite refreshing - but rather vague and inconsequential no matter how many titillating titles you release it under.
Dir: Andre Farwagi
Stars: Natassja Kinski, Gerry Sundquist, Stefano D'Amato, Gabriele Blum
PASSION HOTEL
1975
0
A husband works as a gigolo at a posh hotel.
Unspeakably appalling German sex comedy (they all are). One long joke involves a rape.
Dir: Kurt Nachmann
Stars: Peter Hamm, Margaret Rose Keil, Gisela Krauss
THE PASSION OF JOAN OF ARC
1928
**
Joan of Arc is put on trial and accused of being in league with the devil.
An arthouse favourite of which much has been said, especially concerning the photography – which largely consists of close-ups but still feels vibrant and intense – and the unique leading performance, which is perhaps harder to judge with lack of sound and no direct interaction with the other characters. It’s a film to study and admire, and an important one. In these ‘enlightened’ days, a point to make should be that this woman was in many ways not deserving of acclaim but was actually deluded and ignorant, a victim of superstition.
Dir: Carl Dreyer
Stars: Maria Falconetti, Eugene Silvain, Andre Berley
PASSPORT TO PIMLICO
1949
****
Residents of a district of London find that they are in fact an independent nation called Burgundy, and free from the sort of restrictions that bind their fellow city dwellers.
Marvellously detailed comedy full of social and political significance, more than it could ever be aware of; it records the soon-to-vanish, close-knit London community while prophesising the future stripping of Parliamentary powers by the European Union.
Dir: Henry Cornelius
Stars: Stanley Holloway, Basil Radford, Margaret Rutherford, Naunton Wayne, Hermione Baddeley, Charles Hawtrey
PASSPORT TO SHAME
PASSENGERS
2016
***
On a spacecraft travelling to a far-off colony planet, one of the sleeping humans is accidentally awoken 90 years too early.
An enthralling journey, possibly the best sci-fi film of its year. Strangely undervalued by critics, it's gorgeous looking, thoughtful, sexy and compelling, ably performed by its small cast and full of intriguing concepts and great scenes.
Dir: Morten Tyldum
Stars: Chris Pratt, Jennifer Lawrence, Michael Sheen, Laurence Fishburne
THE PASSING OF THE THIRD FLOOR BACK
1935
0
The inhabitants of a grim boarding house have their lives changed by a mysterious new boarder.
Creaky and syrupy drama with extremely dated performances.
Dir: Berthold Viertel
Stars: Conrad Veidt, Anna Lee, Rene Ray
PASSION FLOWER HOTEL
1978
0
The girls at a private boarding school sell sexual favours to the boys' school across the lake.
Uncertain sex comedy that doesn't really go anywhere, although those looking for nudity from the beautiful young star will eventually see their patience rewarded. Not an unpleasant watch - its European attitude is quite refreshing - but rather vague and inconsequential no matter how many titillating titles you release it under.
Dir: Andre Farwagi
Stars: Natassja Kinski, Gerry Sundquist, Stefano D'Amato, Gabriele Blum
PASSION HOTEL
1975
0
A husband works as a gigolo at a posh hotel.
Unspeakably appalling German sex comedy (they all are). One long joke involves a rape.
Dir: Kurt Nachmann
Stars: Peter Hamm, Margaret Rose Keil, Gisela Krauss
THE PASSION OF JOAN OF ARC
1928
**
Joan of Arc is put on trial and accused of being in league with the devil.
An arthouse favourite of which much has been said, especially concerning the photography – which largely consists of close-ups but still feels vibrant and intense – and the unique leading performance, which is perhaps harder to judge with lack of sound and no direct interaction with the other characters. It’s a film to study and admire, and an important one. In these ‘enlightened’ days, a point to make should be that this woman was in many ways not deserving of acclaim but was actually deluded and ignorant, a victim of superstition.
Dir: Carl Dreyer
Stars: Maria Falconetti, Eugene Silvain, Andre Berley
PASSPORT TO PIMLICO
1949
****
Residents of a district of London find that they are in fact an independent nation called Burgundy, and free from the sort of restrictions that bind their fellow city dwellers.
Marvellously detailed comedy full of social and political significance, more than it could ever be aware of; it records the soon-to-vanish, close-knit London community while prophesising the future stripping of Parliamentary powers by the European Union.
Dir: Henry Cornelius
Stars: Stanley Holloway, Basil Radford, Margaret Rutherford, Naunton Wayne, Hermione Baddeley, Charles Hawtrey
PASSPORT TO SHAME
1958
0
A French girl in London is drawn into the seamy world of prostitution.
Overwrought and undernourished melodrama purporting to tell a morally important tale; despite committed performances and refreshing location shooting it just doesn't ring true, and thus doesn't enthral.
Dir: Alvin Rakoff
Stars: Diana Dors, Eddie Constantine, Herbert Lom, Odile Versois
PAST LIVES
2023
***
In South Korea, a young boy and girl part. Many years later, with her living in New York, they meet again.
Told in an understated and controlled fashion, this is a film that in its way feels original and snapshots a 2023 where, thanks to globalisation and migration, people are flung out from their original communities into foreign lands - you could argue that the movie says this is a bad thing, and that may be the case, but it's more nuanced and subtle than that, not only with its geopolitical comment but in its treatment of relationships, communication and general life experiences. Many scenes, especially those towards the end, cleverly capture what each of the three main characters are feeling, and by its finish only a hard heart would remain unmoved; if the characters were more physically attractive would it have made it more, or less, moving? The cinematography is certainly handsome.
Dir: Celine Song
Stars: Greta Lee, Teo Yoo, John Magaro
PAT GARRETT & BILLY THE KID
1973
*
Pat Garrett hunts Billy the Kid down.
You could say this was boring, pretentious and unfathomable. Or you could say it was daring, revisionist and meaningful. Whatever you say (perhaps the former), you might have to concede that Bob Dylan has one great song amid his others here, and whenever he's on screen he takes you out of the film because you know he's not an actor, he's Bob Dylan. What is telling is that Peckinpah wanted his (Peckinpah's) name removed from it, and there were six - six! - editors involved.
Dir: Sam Peckinpah
Stars: James Coburn, Kris Kristofferson, Bob Dylan, Richard Jaeckel
PATHER PANCHALI
1955
*
A family struggle through life in a small Bengal village.
The first time anyone had thought of putting Indian village life on the big screen, which partly explains this film’s lofty reputation among high-brow critics; it’s tempting to adopt an ‘Emperor’s new clothes’ stance and point out that very little of interest happens but it does have a rare sort of unrefined feel. The casual viewer, though, is unlikely to hang round for long.
Dir: Satyajit Ray
Stars: Kanu Bannerjee, Karuna Bannerjee, Subir Bannerjee
PATHS OF GLORY
1957
****
During World War 1, French soldiers are put on trial for cowardice.
A powerful depiction of the madness and futility of parochial conflict, as stunning now as it was 50 years ago. The film that elevated Kubrick to greatness because everything about it was immaculate: the photography, the dialogue, the performances, the staging, the general handling etc.
Dir: Stanley Kubrick
Stars: Kirk Douglas, Adolphe Menjou, George Macready, Wayne Morris, Richard Anderson, Ralph Meeker
PATRICIA
1981
0
The daughter of a dead rich businessman is pursued by many different people.
Flaky sex comedy which starts off like a caper, then disintegrates into would-be erotic imagery, then turns into a lame old dark house flick. Avoid avoid avoid.
Dir: Hubert Frank
Stars: Anne Parillaud, Sascha Hehn, Paca Gabaldón
PATRICK
1979
*
A comatose hospital patient uses his telekinesis to slay those who bother him.
Cheap supernatural thriller that at times transcends its low budget limitations with some creepy moments.
Dir: Richard Franklin
Stars: Susan Penhaligon, Robert Thompson, Robert Helpmann
PATRICK STILL LIVES
1980
0
Patrick murders, with his mind, those who are invited to the place he resides.
Gloriously sleazy Italian horror whose makers somehow got the idea to follow up the 1979 Australian film with a gory, nudity-filled load of tosh that's badly made on nearly every level but still provides lots of fun for lousy movie fans. It's like Ten Little Indians/An Inspector Calls meets extreme exploitation - and the poker up the vagina scene is quite something.
Dir: Mario Landi
Stars: Gianni Dei, Sacha Pitoeff, Mariangela Giordano, Carmen Russo
PATTERNS
1956
**
After joining a large industrial firm at executive level, a man finds himself caught in a quandary as to how to survive at the top.
Rod Serling here adapted his punchy and sour 1955 teleplay for the big screen, and it's largely successful. The high-pressure environment is unerringly created, although one should acknowledge that this is being seen from the viewpoint of a Hollywood creative, and the film has not remained as fresh as, say, Twelve Angry Men, which deals in universal truth: the boardroom machinations shown here have dated somewhat. Still, the acting is solid and it gradually builds up a head of steam as it heads to a powerful climax.
Dir: Fielder Cook
Stars: Van Heflin, Everett Sloane, Ed Begley, Beatrice Straight
PATTON
1970
***
The World War 2 of controversial American General George Patton.
Soaring, brilliantly performed study of a man who lived for war and found his nirvana just in time; also riveting in its study of clashing military personnel and the thinking behind army manoeuvres.
Dir: Franklin J Schaffner
Stars: George C Scott, Karl Malden, Michael Bates
PAUL AND MICHELLE
1974
0
The two young lovers from Friends are reunited, but don't find life any easier than before.
Similar sequel to the 1971 film, if anything even floppier and more saccharine. Even though it's hard to invest too much in the lead characters you do find yourself wondering what happened to them next...
Dir: Lewis Gilbert
Stars: Sean Bury, Anicee Alvina, Keir Dullea, Ronald Lewis
PAUL RAYMOND’S EROTICA
1981
0
A sexy French reporter comes to Britain to check out Paul Raymond Publications and have amorous exploits with both sexes.
A blatant advert for Raymond's London club, this plotless carnal wallow could possibly be Britain's dirtiest ever mainstream film - if anything it all gets a bit boring.
Dir: Brian Smedley-Aston
Stars: Brigitte Lahaie, Diana Cochran, Paul Raymond
PAULINE AT THE BEACH
1984
*
Two cousins find romance on the Atlantic coast.
Routine sex comedy which looks pleasant enough.
Dir: Eric Rohmer
Stars: Amanda Langlet, Arielle Dombasle, Pascal Greggory
PAVAROTTI
2019
**
Documentary about the life of one of the opera greats, Luciano Pavarotti.
A hagiographic portrait to be sure, one that minimises the maestro's misdemeanours and maximises his successes, but one that cheers, almost to the point of putting as big a smile on our faces as Pavarotti often wore. Pity Bono's in it, though - not least because the sweary Irishman really jars with the rest of the film.
Dir: Ron Howard
PAWN SACRIFICE
2014
**
Brooklyn boy Bobby Fischer grows up to be a chess genius and takes on Russian Boris Spassky during the Cold War.
Mostly engrossing dramatisation of exceptional events previously covered in the documentary Bobby Fischer Against The World (qv) and in the slightly turgid 2004 book Bobby Fischer Goes To War. While nothing very new is introduced, it's solid filmmaking, and Fischer, such a brilliant chess player but such an obnoxious and arrogant character, will always be compelling viewing - the likeable Maguire does good work and it does the job of sending you away to the internet to discover more of Fischer (such as his interview with Dick Cavett).
Dir: Edward Zwick
Stars: Tobey Maguire, Liev Schreiber, Peter Sarsgaard, Michael Stuhlbarg
PAYROLL
1961
*
Crooks plan a security robbery but run into problems.
Angry, automated thriller set in Newcastle but not featuring a single Geordie accent, it lacks star quality and is a little lengthier than required.
Dir: Sidney Hayers
Stars: Michael Craig, Billie Whitelaw, Kenneth Griffith, Tom Bell, Francoise Prevost
PEACEMAKER
1990
*
A doctor is caught in the middle of two warring aliens.
Actionful Terminator-inspired sci-fi in which one is left guessing as to who is the good guy and who is the bad guy until the end.
Dir: Kevin Tenney
Stars: Robert Forster, Lance Edwards, Hilary Shepard, Robert Davi
THE PEARL OF DEATH
1944
**
Sherlock Holmes searches for a valuable pearl which is linked to a series of murders.
A detective story with the spicy addition of a horror figure, The Creeper, and all works pretty well, even though the astute viewer might be ahead of the plot - and sometimes even Holmes - a few times. The super-sleuth, who we are all used to admiring greatly in this series, even makes a few uncharacteristic slips in the course of the story - tut, tut, but we forgive.
Dir: Roy William Neill
Stars: Basil Rathbone, Nigel Bruce, Dennis Hoey, Evelyn Ankers, Rondo Hatton
PEE-WEE’S BIG ADVENTURE
1987
0
An eccentric man-child tracks his stolen bike across America.
Weird comedy that's as much of an acquired taste as the star is.
Dir: Tim Burton
Stars: Paul Reubens, Elizabeth Daily, Mark Holton
PEEPING TOM
1960
**
A disturbed young man murders women and films their dying expressions.
While not quite the mistreated classic often claimed nowadays (it's no Psycho), this is a strikingly shot thriller which never fails to surprise with how ahead of its time it was. Harsh contemporary reviews should not be entirely dismissed, however: the story is a bit silly and melodramatic, it's defiantly perverse, and it doesn't have the narrative drive nor as interesting a protagonist as Hitchcock's masterpiece of the same year - but what it does have is ripe, lurid cinematography and something to say about the awesome power of the camera lens.
Dir: Michael Powell
Stars: Carl Boehm, Moira Shearer, Anna Massey, Maxine Audley
PEGGY SUE GOT MARRIED
1986
*
A 43-year-old mother goes to a high school reunion and is transported back to high school again.
A sort of Back To The Future for an older audience but rather in the shadow of that movie, which proceeded it by a year; there are smiles but there are also dead patches and confusing scripting.
Dir: Francis Ford Coppola
Stars: Kathleen Turner, Nicolas Cage, Barry Miller, Maureen O'Sullivan, Jim Carrey
PELLE THE CONQUEROR
1987
**
At the end of the 19th century, a father and his son travel from Sweden to Denmark in the forlorn hope of a better life.
A kind of cousin to the (superior) The Emigrants and The New Land (qv), this bleak Scandinavian drama does much right: Von Sydow is excellent as the father who is saliently imperfect; the place, time and the farming occupation are remarkably captured; the story has universality. Perhaps less praisable: there are a couple too many sub-plots; several characters are just real jerks and quite irritating; the director's perturbing habit of having his young male lead strip off.
Dir: Bille August
Stars: Pelle Hvenegaard, Max von Sydow, Eric Paaske
PENELOPE PULLS IT OFF
1975
0
An art dealer and her teenage daughter use sex to sell forged paintings.
Completely bizarre Anglo-German farce which quickly descends into incoherence while offering up numerous unwelcome Teutonic 'comic' touches.
Dir: Peter Curran
Stars: Linda Marlowe, Anna Bergman, Nicholas Day
PENN & TELLER GET KILLED
1989
0
When illusionist Penn says on a TV talk show it'd be fun if someone was trying to kill him, it appears to come true.
As a stage act this pair are fabulously entertaining, but this peculiar film, which was barely released, is little short of dreadful, a bright opening aside. Long sequences of tedium become the norm as the weird story, which doesn't work at all, progresses, or rather doesn't; Teller not speaking (apart from a little near the end) becomes even more irritating than it is when they're doing their magic performances.
Dir: Arthur Penn
Stars: Penn Jillette, Teller, Caitlin Clarke
PENNY POINTS TO PARADISE
1951
0
A man holidaying in Brighton has difficulty hanging onto his pools winnings.
Finally rescued from oblivion in 2009, this amateurish debut movie effort by the Goons is really pretty dreadful, a ramshackle series of almost unconnected scenes that smacks of ‘first try’ comedy.
Dir: Tony Young
Stars: Harry Secombe, Spike Milligan, Peter Sellers, Bill Kerr
THE PENTHOUSE
1967
0
Two thugs keep a couple prisoner in their flat.
Ghastly rubbish, torture to watch.
Dir: Peter Collinson
Stars: Suzy Kendall, Terence Morgan, Tony Beckley, Norman Rodway, Martine Beswick
THE PEOPLE THAT TIME FORGOT
1977
0
A ship's crew get lost on an Antarctic island full of strange creatures and warriors.
Now looking a little long in the tooth, this follow-up to The Land That Time Forgot, with its basic linear narrative, has some lively derring-do, delivered straight, for those who can forgive its many technical shortcomings, ie children (for the dads there's Gillespie's costume). Funny how Sarah Douglas's hairstyle at times resembles that of Princess Leia's in a rather better sci-fi film released in the same year.
Dir: Kevin Connor
Stars: Patrick Wayne, Sarah Douglas, Thorley Walters, Shane Rimmer, Dana Gillespie, Doug McClure, Tony Britton, David Prowse, Milton Reid
THE PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS
1991
*
Burglars break into a house and find they can't escape it.
Horror which throws logic out of the window and goes on 20 minutes too long but has some original and inventive ideas.
Dir: Wes Craven
Stars: Brandon Adams, Everett McGill, Wendy Robie
THE PEOPLE VS LARRY FLYNT
1997
***
The tale of Hustler publisher Larry Flynt, who pushed pornographic publishing to its extremes.
Rattling good biopic which somewhat glamorises its subject but fizzes by thanks to the director's expert, offbeat approach.
Dir: Milos Forman
Stars: Woody Harrelson, Courtney Love, Edward Norton, Crispin Glover
PERCY
1971
0
A young man is the recipient of the world's first penis transplant.
Off putting, nondescript comedy which fails to raise a single laugh.
Dir: Ralph Thomas
Stars: Hywel Bennett, Denholm Elliott, Elke Sommer, Britt Ekland
PERCY’S PROGRESS
1974
0
Percy discovers a chemical in the water supply is making men impotent.
Witless farrago devoid of wit and a waste of talent.
Dir: Ralph Thomas
Stars: Leigh Lawson, Elke Sommer, Denholm Elliott, Judy Geeson, Harry H Corbett, Vincent Price, Adrienne Posta, Julie Ege, Barry Humphries, James Booth, Ronald Fraser
PERFECT
1985
0
A reporter doing a story on health clubs gets entangled with an aerobics instructor.
Mis-named drama that revels in superficiality.
Dir: James Bridges
Stars: John Travolta, Jamie Lee Curtis, Ramey Ellis
PERFECT DAY
1929
**
Stan and Ollie are all set to take their family for a Sunday picnic, but struggle to get out of their road.
An exercise in prolonged frustration that just about works because the gags involved - the spilt sandwiches, the endless goodbyes to neighbours, Edgar Kennedy's much-abused foot - are astutely executed.
Dir: James Parrott
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Edgar Kennedy
PERFECT FRIDAY
1970
*
A bored blank clerk plans a robbery with an unusual upper-class couple.
A heist movie with a patchy script and some tricksy direction, but made refreshing by its extensive London location photography and, in its first half, the frequent pleasant sights of an undressed Andress - her fellow actors' performances are mixed, with Baker miscast but Warner amusingly eccentric. The makers should have been a tad more careful with reflections, what with many scenes being shot through glass.
Dir: Peter Hall
Stars: Stanley Baker, Ursula Andress, David Warner, TP McKenna
A PERFECT MURDER
1998
**
A rich businessman plans to kill his unfaithful wife.
Enjoyable reworking of Dial M For Murder - the clever plot comes up a treat again and Douglas is ideal for the role.
Dir: Andrew Davis
Stars: Michael Douglas, Gwyneth Paltrow, Viggo Mortensen
THE PERFECT WOMAN
1949
*
A professor invents a robotic woman that's as good as the real thing.
Zany farce with a spiciness that ensures it's still fast and funny today.
Dir: Bernard Knowles
Stars: Patricia Roc, Stanley Holloway, Nigel Patrick, Irene Handl
PERFORMANCE
1970
**
A violent gangster hides out in the abode of a reclusive rock star.
Not an easy or attractive film but one with a strong visual sense and a good deal of interesting detail in the performances.
Dir: Donald Cammell, Nicolas Roeg
Stars: James Fox, Mick Jagger, Anita Pallenberg, Michele Breton
PERFUME: THE STORY OF A MURDERER
2006
**
In 18th century France, a man with a highly developed sense of smell embarks on a murderous course.
Textured, good looking adaptation of a book thought unfilmable, it should satisfy those on the look out for something completely different.
Dir: Tom Tykwer
Stars: Ben Wishaw, Dustin Hoffman, Alan Rickman, Rachel Hurd-Wood
PERIL FOR THE GUY
1956
0
Around the time of Bonfire Night, young children come across baddies who kidnap a scientist.
Standard Children's Film Foundation frolics, characteristically a bit twee but with a couple of surprisingly bad-tempered violent bits and the odd laugh, courtesy of little Ali as the poor Guy. Chris Whitty would have kittens seeing the use of fireworks.
Dir: James Hill
Stars: Frazer Hines, Mandy Harper, Christopher Warbey, Ali Allen
THE PERILS OF MANDY
1981 (V)
0
A schoolgirl gets into movies but is kidnapped by wrongdoers.
Insane hodge podge of over-age schoolgirls, incoherent plotting, terrible acting and a story that stops half-way through. But it's quite titillating and has some great contemporary footage of Soho.
Dir: Kenneth F Rowles
Stars: Gloria Brittain, Amanda Clasper, Elisabeth Kosek
PERILS OF NYOKA
1942 (serial)
0
A female adventurer battles an evil queen for golden tablets.
One of the better Republic series, but that's not saying much; so action-packed as to be almost incoherent, and just a tad repetitive.
Dir: William Witney
Stars: Kay Aldridge, Clayton Moore, Lorna Gray, Charles Middleton
THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER
2012
*
A freshman meets two fellow pupils who change his life.
The writer's own adaptation of his book, and a film which proved popular with those familiar with it. Perhaps that is essential, as it's an acquired taste, a dark and moody teen drama which is perfectly well made and acted but may leave those not au fait with it a little cold.
Dir: Stephen Chbosky
Stars: Logan Lerman, Emma Watson, Ezra Miller, Nina Dobrev, Paul Rudd
PERMISSIVE
1970
0
A teenage girl becomes a groupie with a band.
One of the more dismal, bleak British sex dramas - everyone is miserable or bitching, the skies are grey and the story, what there is of it, is nihilistic in the extreme. Most audiences will have absolutely no fun but some may find it to have a little cultural worth.
Dir: Lindsay Shonteff
Stars: Maggie Stride, Gilbert Wynne, Gay Singleton
PERSECUTION
1974
0
A woman persecutes her son and his new bride.
Curiously bad thriller with a foggy script and tired direction.
Dir: Don Chaffey
Stars: Lana Turner, Trevor Howard, Ralph Bates, Patrick Allen, Ronald Howard
PERSONA
1966
*
A nurse and actress appear to swap personalities.
Challenging psychodrama which weaves a strange tale for hard core cinema buffs to pontificate on.
Dir: Ingmar Bergman
Stars: Bib Andersson, Liv Ullmann, Margaretha Krook
PERSONAL SERVICES
1987
*
A former waitress opens a brothel to cater for mostly older gentlemen.
Considering the way it was advertised, this surprises on being viewed, as it's darker, seedier and more depressing than one expects, with some heaped servings of angst - and one scene in a lavatory is not a little jaw-dropping (and weirdly dealt with). Its based-on-true-life tale of unhappy and often unattractive people was never going to deliver a conventional film, and it perhaps meant to disturb a little; what it definitely does, however, is expose the miserable, hypocritical puritanism of the British police and establishment.
Dir: Terry Jones
Stars: Julie Walters, Shirley Stelfox, Alec McCowen, Danny Schiller
PERSONAL SHOPPER
2016
*
A personal shopper to a star starts to believe her dead brother may be communicating with her.
An acquired taste, a long, slow ghost story which manages some originality and features one of the most effective uses of mobile phones seen in the movies. But it never quite hits top gear and the conclusion is somewhat frustrating - not providing proper answers tends to be annoying.
Dir: Oliver Assayas
Stars: Kristen Stewart, Lars Eidinger, Sigrid Bouaziz
THE PERVERT'S GUIDE TO IDEOLOGY
2012
*
Philosopher Slavoj Zizek expounds his views on ideology with the use of excerpts from films, including Taxi Driver, Full Metal Jacket, West Side Story, The Sound Of Music, They Live and many more.
The problem with this irritating film is that Zizek, the most unjustifiably famous philosopher of his time, goes on and on and on, with barely a pause, with his difficult accent and odd inflexions, so that it becomes wearingly relentless and an exercise in trying to pick up just some of the points that he is putting across. The way he is put 'in' some of the movies is a neat idea, but this is one fiendishly overlong film that also happens to be saddled with a silly title.
Dir: Sophie Fiennes
Stars: Slavoj Zizek
PET SEMATARY
1989
0
A family move into a new house in the countryside but find that a nearby cemetery a source of big trouble.
Conventional Stephen King adaptation that wakes up for a lively climax.
Dir: Mary Lambert
Stars: Dale Midkiff, Fred Gwynne, Denise Crosby
PETER PAN
1953
**
The boy who won't grow up heads to Neverland to battle Captain Hook.
Playful cartoon feature that has retained its freshness.
Dir: Clyde Geronimi, Wilfred Jackson, Hamilton Luske
Voices: Bobby Driscoll, Kathryn Beaumont, Hans Conried
PETER’S FRIENDS
1992
0
Former college friends gather to reminisce about the past.
Embarrassing luvvie fest with an extremely high squirm factor.
Dir: Kenneth Branagh
Stars: Kenneth Branagh, Hugh Grant, Stephen Fry, Emma Thompson, Imelda Staunton, Richard Briers
PETE’S DRAGON
1977
0
A magical dragon helps out an orphan with cruel guardians.
A poorly animated dragon is at the centre of this tedious live action fantasy which demonstrated the nadir to which Disney sunk in the '70s.
Dir: Don Chaffey
Stars: Helen Reddy, Jim Dale, Mickey Rooney, Red Buttons, Shelley Winters, Sean Marshall
PEYTON PLACE
1957
**
A pleasant New England town has dirty secrets.
Surprisingly adult and dark multi-character drama (or: soap opera) that generally maintains interest despite a blurry strand or two, and is lushly made (the score is sometimes too lush, amusingly so). It broke barriers at the time - and many of its themes are prescient - but now still manages to look like it's portraying an American way of life that has disappeared, or at least isn't presented on screen much any more.
Dir: Mark Robson
Stars: Lana Turner, Lee Philips, Lloyd Nolan, Arthur Kennedy, Russ Tamblyn, Terry Moore, Hope Lange
PHANTASM
1979
*
A group of children come up against mysterious grave robber, The Tall Man.
Horror that probably worked better at the cinema than on television due to its near constant darkness; having said that, there is a general feeling of ‘what’s going on and frankly who cares?’
Dir: Don Coscarelli
Stars: Angus Scrimm, Michael Baldwin, Bill Thornbury
PHANTASM 2
1989
0
A young boy seeks revenge on the murderous Tall Man.
The first two thirds of this sequel are as dark and incoherent as the original, but the last third is spiced up by the scary silver balls.
Dir: Don Coscarelli
Stars: Angus Scrimm, James LeGros, Reggie Bannister
THE PHANTOM CARRIAGE
1921
*
A drunkard is taught a lesson by a ghost on New Year's Eve.
Chilly morality tale, apparently a favourite of Ingmar Bergman's, which conjures up effective images thanks to use of double exposures and colour filters, and includes a surprising sequence that foreshadows Jack Nicholson's axe attack in The Shining. Available over the years in versions of different lengths, the 1:46 version released on DVD in 2008 is rather elongated but boasts an evocative, chiming new score.
Dir: Victor Sjostrom
Stars: Victor Sjostrom, Hilda Borgstrom, Tore Svennberg
THE PHANTOM CREEPS
1939 (serial)
0
A mad scientist discovers a meteorite that could destroy the world.
Batty sci-fi serial with invisibility, mechanical spiders, stock footage and a giant robot, among other things. Like most serials of its time, after a couple of episodes it's impossible to keep track of who everyone is or what on earth is going on, although it's generally a fair guess that the goodies and baddies are chasing after the McGuffin, aka the magic meteorite. Cheap and kooky, it has a reasonable variety of action and the giant robot has some nostalgic charm.
Dir: Ford Beebe, Saul A Goodkind
Stars: Bela Lugosi, Robert Kent, Dorothy Arnold
PERSONAL SHOPPER
2016
*
A personal shopper to a star starts to believe her dead brother may be communicating with her.
An acquired taste, a long, slow ghost story which manages some originality and features one of the most effective uses of mobile phones seen in the movies. But it never quite hits top gear and the conclusion is somewhat frustrating - not providing proper answers tends to be annoying.
Dir: Oliver Assayas
Stars: Kristen Stewart, Lars Eidinger, Sigrid Bouaziz
THE PERVERT'S GUIDE TO IDEOLOGY
2012
*
Philosopher Slavoj Zizek expounds his views on ideology with the use of excerpts from films, including Taxi Driver, Full Metal Jacket, West Side Story, The Sound Of Music, They Live and many more.
The problem with this irritating film is that Zizek, the most unjustifiably famous philosopher of his time, goes on and on and on, with barely a pause, with his difficult accent and odd inflexions, so that it becomes wearingly relentless and an exercise in trying to pick up just some of the points that he is putting across. The way he is put 'in' some of the movies is a neat idea, but this is one fiendishly overlong film that also happens to be saddled with a silly title.
Dir: Sophie Fiennes
Stars: Slavoj Zizek
PET SEMATARY
1989
0
A family move into a new house in the countryside but find that a nearby cemetery a source of big trouble.
Conventional Stephen King adaptation that wakes up for a lively climax.
Dir: Mary Lambert
Stars: Dale Midkiff, Fred Gwynne, Denise Crosby
PETER IBBETSON
1935
*
An architect falls in love with a duchess he is working for.
A peculiar love story, peculiar at both ends, especially in its latter part - in the middle it's almost a more standard tale. Strange and surreal, it appears somewhat brittle now, though perhaps some audiences of the time lapped it up - did they? It's certainly different, with it being tricky to say whether it's good different or bad different.
Dir: Henry Hathaway
Stars: Gary Cooper, Ann Harding, John Halliday, Ida Lupino
PETER PAN
1953
**
The boy who won't grow up heads to Neverland to battle Captain Hook.
Playful cartoon feature that has retained its freshness.
Dir: Clyde Geronimi, Wilfred Jackson, Hamilton Luske
Voices: Bobby Driscoll, Kathryn Beaumont, Hans Conried
PETER’S FRIENDS
1992
0
Former college friends gather to reminisce about the past.
Embarrassing luvvie fest with an extremely high squirm factor.
Dir: Kenneth Branagh
Stars: Kenneth Branagh, Hugh Grant, Stephen Fry, Emma Thompson, Imelda Staunton, Richard Briers
PETE’S DRAGON
1977
0
A magical dragon helps out an orphan with cruel guardians.
A poorly animated dragon is at the centre of this tedious live action fantasy which demonstrated the nadir to which Disney sunk in the '70s.
Dir: Don Chaffey
Stars: Helen Reddy, Jim Dale, Mickey Rooney, Red Buttons, Shelley Winters, Sean Marshall
LES PETITES SAINTES Y TOUCHENT
1974
0
Female friends who attended the same boarding school swap stories of recent amorous exploits.
Sexy, quirky anthology with some footage of the lovely London of the time and an array of beautiful European women, who all appear to have mislaid their bras. It's a relic of its era, it was never going to win a Bafta, and the 2020s internet allowed English speaking viewers to tune in to what was happening thanks to generated subtitle tracks. Life could be worse.
Dir: Michel Lemoine
Stars: Jacques Bernard, Marie Helene Regne, Nathalie Zeiger
PEYTON PLACE
1957
**
A pleasant New England town has dirty secrets.
Surprisingly adult and dark multi-character drama (or: soap opera) that generally maintains interest despite a blurry strand or two, and is lushly made (the score is sometimes too lush, amusingly so). It broke barriers at the time - and many of its themes are prescient - but now still manages to look like it's portraying an American way of life that has disappeared, or at least isn't presented on screen much any more.
Dir: Mark Robson
Stars: Lana Turner, Lee Philips, Lloyd Nolan, Arthur Kennedy, Russ Tamblyn, Terry Moore, Hope Lange
PHANTASM
1979
*
A group of children come up against mysterious grave robber, The Tall Man.
Horror that probably worked better at the cinema than on television due to its near constant darkness; having said that, there is a general feeling of ‘what’s going on and frankly who cares?’
Dir: Don Coscarelli
Stars: Angus Scrimm, Michael Baldwin, Bill Thornbury
PHANTASM 2
1989
0
A young boy seeks revenge on the murderous Tall Man.
The first two thirds of this sequel are as dark and incoherent as the original, but the last third is spiced up by the scary silver balls.
Dir: Don Coscarelli
Stars: Angus Scrimm, James LeGros, Reggie Bannister
THE PHANTOM CARRIAGE
1921
*
A drunkard is taught a lesson by a ghost on New Year's Eve.
Chilly morality tale, apparently a favourite of Ingmar Bergman's, which conjures up effective images thanks to use of double exposures and colour filters, and includes a surprising sequence that foreshadows Jack Nicholson's axe attack in The Shining. Available over the years in versions of different lengths, the 1:46 version released on DVD in 2008 is rather elongated but boasts an evocative, chiming new score.
Dir: Victor Sjostrom
Stars: Victor Sjostrom, Hilda Borgstrom, Tore Svennberg
THE PHANTOM CREEPS
1939 (serial)
0
A mad scientist discovers a meteorite that could destroy the world.
Batty sci-fi serial with invisibility, mechanical spiders, stock footage and a giant robot, among other things. Like most serials of its time, after a couple of episodes it's impossible to keep track of who everyone is or what on earth is going on, although it's generally a fair guess that the goodies and baddies are chasing after the McGuffin, aka the magic meteorite. Cheap and kooky, it has a reasonable variety of action and the giant robot has some nostalgic charm.
Dir: Ford Beebe, Saul A Goodkind
Stars: Bela Lugosi, Robert Kent, Dorothy Arnold
THE PHANTOM EMPIRE
1935 (serial)
0
A singing cowboy journeys to the underground world of Maurania.
Primitive serial with a very weird plot (apparently conceived in a dream), it flits from one kitsch highlight to another. Nothing is particularly accomplished, but it has a certain unique other-worldliness that ensured it was still shown on telly 85 years after it was made.
Dir: Otto Brower, B Reeves Eason
Stars: Gene Autry, Frankie Darro, Betsy King Ross, Dorothy Christy
PHANTOM FROM SPACE
1953
0
An alien that is invisible when it removes its suit causes trouble for scientists.
We hear a lot more about the Phantom, through endless chatter and narration, than we see of him - even when he has the suit on. An 'opposite of what cinema should be' sci-fi B-picture from Billy Wilder's less gifted brother (and his son), complete with beginner's special effects and non-stars. The space suit is not without period charm, though.
Dir: W Lee Wilder
Stars: Ted Cooper, Tom Daly, Steve Acton
THE PHANTOM FROM 10,000 LEAGUES
1955
0
A seaside community is terrorised by a radioactive monster.
Inert and incompetent horror: the actors walk into the same small rooms or on to the same small part of the beach, say their bad bit, then shuffle off again; the main story is weird and dozy, confusing in the way that many ultra-cheap films are. The terrible monster should naff off 10,000 leagues (which is about 30,000 miles). Crapola.
Dir: Dan Milner
Stars: Kent Taylor, Cathy Downs, Michael Walen
PHANTOM OF DEATH
1988
0
A pianist with an ageing disease goes on a murderous rampage.
A perfectly lousy horror that might have been made as a competition between the actors, director, scriptwriters and make-up artists as to who could do a worse job. The audience is very much the loser.
Dir: Ruggero Deodato
Stars: Michael York, Donald Pleasence, Edwige Fenech
PHANTOM OF THE OPERA
1925
**
A mad, disfigured composer seeks the love of a young opera singer.
Visually splendid, nightmarish rendition of the tale which gave the star one of his best parts. The 1929 re-issue with a score by Carl Davis is the one to watch.
Dir: Rupert Julian
Stars: Lon Chaney, Mary Philbin, Norman Kerry
THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA
1943
*
There's rather too much opera, but this elegant remake has its moments.
Dir: Arthur Lubin
Stars: Claude Rains, Nelson Eddy, Susanna Foster, Hume Cronyn
THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA
1962
*
Hammer's stab at the oft told tale isn’t among their strongest or most lurid efforts, as it tends to plod, but there are some juicy asides (the ratcatcher, the four old women) and it brightens whenever the dastardly Michael Gough is on screen. Unfortunately it reaches a conclusion that is both sudden and unsatisfying.
Dir: Terence Fisher
Stars: Herbert Lom, Heather Sears, Edward de Souza, Michael Gough, Thorley Walters, Patrick Troughton
THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA
1983 (TV)
0
Fairly standard revamp of Gaston Leroux's story that brings little new to the table and proceeds at a sluggish pace.
Dir: Robert Markowitz
Stars: Maximilian Schell, Jane Seymour, Michael York, Jeremy Kemp
PHANTOM OF THE OPERA
1989
0
An opera singer imagines herself in the times of the dreaded phantom, who has sold his soul to the devil.
More like a continuation of the Nightmare On Elm Street series than a proper version, what with its star, gore and general confusion.
Dir: Dwight H Little
Stars: Robert Englund, Jill Schoelen, Alex Hyde-White, Bill Nighy
THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA
1990 (TV)
0
Umpteenth version of the rather dull story, this is not really a horror but more a woman’s film, with its romance and opera; it’s elegantly presented but way overlong at three hours.
Dir: Tony Richardson
Stars: Burt Lancaster, Adam Storke, Teri Polo, Charles Dance
PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE
1974
*
A disfigured composer sells his soul so the woman he loves will perform his music.
Weird amalgam of Phantom Of The Opera and Faust that quickly dated then came out the other side and gained a reasonable following.
Dir: Brian De Palma
Stars: Paul Williams, William Finley, Jessica Harper
PHANTOM OF THE RUE MORGUE
1954
0
Police seek a mysterious killer of women.
A plod through Poe’s material with more emphasis on detective work than horror.
Dir: Roy Del Ruth
Stars: Karl Malden, Claude Dauphin, Patricia Medina
THE PHANTOM PLANET
1961
0
An astronaut lands on an invisible asteroid and shrinks.
The issue of human shrinkage is completely irrelevant to the story - it might as well not be in there, although it gives us the only perky visuals in the film (the small people gaze upon the giant visitor's visor, and then he gets smaller). But this is very bad sci-fi, talky, staid and scrambled.
Dir: William Marshall
Stars: Dean Fredericks, Coleen Gray, Anthony Dexter, Richard Kiel
PHANTOM THREAD
2017
****
In 1950s London, a high-end fashion designer takes on a humble German waitress as his muse.
Definitely one of the cinematic achievements of the year, this chilly, strange and elegant psychological drama rewards careful watching and deep thinking - there is something going on under the surface in every exquisitely ordered scene, given weight by some tremendous acting, especially Day-Lewis as someone who is, in a sense, the leader of a cult. Costumes, [persistent] score and photography are also all superb, helping the film - which asks questions about life versus work and which of our masks is the real 'us' - burn itself far into the brain. Some flashes of very funny comedy are the final flecks of genius.
Dir: Paul Thomas Anderson
Stars: Daniel Day-Lewis, Vicky Krieps, Lesley Manville
PHANTOMS
1990 (V)
0
Students stay at a castle that may be cursed.
Indifferent Beauty And The Beast-type fantasy.
Dir: Charles Band
Stars: Sherilyn Fenn, Malcolm Jamieson, Hilary Mason
PHASE IV
1973
0
Ants attack scientists working in the desert.
Sci-fi which fails to come alive despite those creepy little ants.
Dir: Saul Bass
Stars: Michael Murphy, Nigel Davenport, Lynne Frederick
THE PHENIX CITY STORY
1955
**
A lawyer goes up against an organised crime syndicate in a small Alabama town.
When this B-movie finally starts it's pretty good - beforehand there is a way too long (13 minutes) prologue featuring real-life interviews with the town's residents; following that is quite a tight, unusual drama which is surprisingly edgy and violent (even if it's obvious the punches never connect). It convincingly makes the case that 'the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing' - well done to this courageous lot.
Dir: Phil Karlson
Stars: John McIntire, Richard Kiley, Kathryn Grant, Edward Andrews
PHILADELPHIA
1993
**
A lawyer with Aids sues his employer for unfair dismissal.
One of the most pertinent 'issue' films of its day, pretty well done, a courtroom drama in which it's never in too much doubt which way the jury will go. Generally measured and interesting, it goes a little mawkish right at the end, while Hanks's performance can appear to the more cynical of us to look very much like a performance, one in need of the approval of an Oscar.
Dir: Jonathan Demme
Stars: Denzel Washington, Tom Hanks, Jason Robards, Mary Steenburgen
THE PHILADELPHIA EXPERIMENT
1984
**
During World War 2, a US Navy Destroyer is somehow propelled 40 years into the future.
The often entertaining theme of time travel comes up trumps once again in this highly enjoyable fantasy.
Dir: Stewart Raffill
Stars: Michael Pare, Nancy Allen, Eric Christmas
THE PHILADELPHIA STORY
1940
**
A woman about to marry again is reminded of her past relationships.
Sophisticated if rather stagey comedy that nevertheless sees the stars at their most sparkling.
Dir: George Cukor
Stars: Cary Grant, Katharine Hepburn, James Stewart, Ruth Hussey, Roland Young, John Howard
PHILOMENA
2013
***
A journalist helps an old Irish woman search for the son she was forced to give up by the Catholic Church 50 years previously.
Extremely well judged and expertly balanced true-life drama that exhibits much humour despite telling a tale of cruelty and ignorance; its lightness of touch means it's anything but depressing, even though its story is yet another to show the damage religion can do.
Dir: Stephen Frears
Stars: Steve Coogan, Judi Dench
PHOBIA
1980
*
Patients of a psychiatrist are killed using their own phobias.
Murky, preposterous thriller that makes one do a double take on checking out who directed it.
Dir: John Huston
Stars: Paul Michael Glaser, Susan Hogan, John Colicos
PHOBIA
2008
0
Four supernatural stories: Happiness, Tit For Tat, In The Middle and The Last Fright.
Adequate Asian anthology: the first is a passable Rear Window type tale, the second an unwatchable, hyper-stylised story that's obnoxiously shot like a pop video, the third a movie-savvy but unsurprising yarn and the fourth is the highlight, with some creepy moments. But it's never as good as it could be.
Dir: Banjong Pisanthanakun, Paween Purikitpanya, Yongyoot Thongkongtoon, Parkpoom Wongpoom
Stars: Maneerat Kham-uan, Laila Boonyasak, Witawat Singlampong
PHOENIX
2014
*
A disfigured survivor of the concentration camps returns home but is unrecognised by her husband.
Chilly, sombre drama about identity, like a thrill-free Vertigo set in post-war Germany, easier to admire than to get immersed in. Perhaps it needed more humanity and fewer songs.
Dir: Christian Petzold
Stars: Nina Hoss, Ronald Zehrfeld, Nina Kunzendorf
PHONE BOOTH
2003
**
A man is trapped in a phone booth, pinned down by a sniper.
Gripping, intense, profane thriller that develops its fascinating premise into a tight, compelling feature.
Dir: Joel Schumacher
Stars: Colin Farrell, Kiefer Sutherland, Forest Whitaker, Katie Holmes
THE PIANIST
2002
**
A Jewish musician struggles to survive the Nazis invasion of Poland.
Overrated Holocaust drama which while being very worthy and icily proficient rarely engages on an emotional level. Also too long and lacking in suspense.
Dir: Roman Polanski
Stars: Adrien Brody, Thomas Kretschmann, Frank Finlay, Maureen Lipman
THE PIANO
1993
**
In 1850, a mute Englishwoman is sent to live on a plantation in New Zealand where a landowner lusts after her.
Well acted and photographed but dour drama which found favour with many critics.
Dir: Jane Campion
Stars: Holly Hunter, Harvey Keitel, Sam Neill, Anna Paquin
PICK A STAR
1937
0
A country girl seeks fame in Hollywood.
Faltering comedy musical, well worn by time, it has only survived obscurity because of two amusing sequences featuring Laurel and Hardy.
Dir: Edward Sedgwick
Stars: Patsy Kelly, Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, James Finlayson, Walter Long
PICK OF THE LITTER
2018
*
Documentary about guide dogs for the blind in training.
A pleasant, compact film which makes it clear that dogs really are man's best friend - and these ones are particularly remarkable animals. It would be more affecting if there were fewer people on show, and so we could get to know them better, and if the dogs were allowed to show more personality (more about the organisation would also be welcome), but this is a nicely packaged feature that canine lovers everywhere will get something from. It's perhaps best watched at a dog-friendly cinema screening...
Dir: Don Hardy, Dana Nachman
PICKING UP THE PIECES
2000
0
Inhabitants of a Mexican village discover a severed hand that they think is a message from God.
Shambolic comedy about Hispanics and the Church; decent lines creep in but it's essentially a real supermarket bargain bin movie.
Dir: Alfonso Arau
Stars: Woody Allen, Sharon Stone, Elliott Gould, David Schwimmer, Kiefer Sutherland
PICKUP ON SOUTH STREET
1953
**
A pickpocket steals a package that gets him into trouble with communist spies.
So film-noirish you can smell it, this is a film that immerses you in a grimy underworld where violence and deals rule the roost - thus, few of the characters are likeable and it has a sort of cold clamminess to it. Viewed now, it's surprising to see a Hollywood film be so anti-communist, and quite refreshing in a way; it's the only thing that is refreshing about this mean but extremely well made crime drama (the opening scene on the train is especially sharp).
Dir: Samuel Fuller
Stars; Richard Widmark, Jean Peters, Thelma Ritter, Murvyn Wye
THE PICKWICK PAPERS
1952
*
A group of gentlemen travel the country to find interesting things.
The film of Dickens' large book is an episodic, light-hearted odyssey which gives the fine character actors, dressed in their splendid finery, plenty to natter about. Perhaps more serious matters suited Charlie D best? But it's frothy amusement for those who can put up with the word 'sir' being intoned ad nauseam.
Dir: Noel Langley
Stars: James Hayter, James Donald, Nigel Patrick, Joyce Grenfell, Donald Wolfit
PICNIC
1955
*
A handsome drifter arrives in town the day of the Labor Day picnic.
One of those slightly odd Fifties American films, in vivid colour and Cinemascope, that did great business and looks beautiful but is so defiantly tedious and bland that the modern-day UK viewer can find almost nothing - no drama, no suspense, no meaning - in it to dwell upon. The beauty of Kim Novak and observing the fun had by the white American middle-class at the picnic is pretty much all that remains of value.
Dir: Joshua Logan
Stars: William Holden, Kim Novak, Susan Strasberg, Cliff Robertson
PICNIC AT HANGING ROCK
1975
**
In 1900, Australian schoolgirls mysteriously disappear in the outback of Victoria.
Many of us thought this film depicted fascinating true-life events, but it turns out it doesn't - it was based on a fictional book, which slightly spoils things. So there is no explanation for what happened, because that isn't the point, it's what the action represents. The carefully created dreamlike, mystic atmosphere can sometimes lead to ennui in the viewer, but what's presented is done so with great style, and its enigmatic ways may lead to viewers returning for another look to untangle its meaning.
Dir: Peter Weir
Stars: Rachel Roberts, Dominic Guard, Vivean Gray, Helen Morse
THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY
1945
***
A man who lives a wayward life keeps his youthful looks, but a portrait of him in the attic reveals his true state of being.
Admirable adaptation of Oscar Wilde's novel, as well done as could be, although a modern-day version would no doubt do more than hint at Dorian's misdemeanours.
Dir: Albert Lewin
Stars: George Sanders, Hurd Hatfield, Donna Reed, Angela Lansbury
PIECES
1982
0
A killer targets female students on campus – with a chainsaw.
Demented horror that’s gained a cult following thanks to the crazy moments that interrupt its dull whodunit script; moments like the kung fu master, the tennis match, the crotch-grabbing finale, the chainsaw in the lift and ‘Bastard!’ It’s sleazy, it’s gory, it’s verbose, it’s dubbed, it’s not very good, but its following is undeniable.
Dir: Juan Piquer Simon
Stars: Christopher George, Paul Smith, Lynda Day George, Edward Purdom
THE PIED PIPER
1942
**
A crotchety Englishman guides children through occupied France to England.
Woolley gives a typically ripe and enjoyable performance in this pleasingly straightforward, morally unequivocal adventure that was one of the several key films about the war made during the war. Preminger is also great as the character who's opposite to Woolley's.
Dir: Irving Pichel
Stars: Monty Woolley, Roddy McDowall, Anne Baxter, Otto Preminger, J Carrol Naish
THE PIED PIPER
1972
*
The town of Hamelin is threatened by rats bringing the Black Death; one minstrel might offer hope.
This is a hard-to-find film, but it can be found: the eventual experience is... okay. It does have a medieval-times feel and the cast is solid, but the lead character, played by a non-actor, is not fleshed out, and the grimness (the rats in the wedding cake!) presumably made finding audiences tricky. It also lacks pace and action. Still, it's a not dismissible oddity and, watched in the year of 2020, the year of virus and hysteria, perhaps gains something.
Dir: Jacques Demy
Stars: Donovan, Donald Pleasence, John Hurt, Michael Hordern, Jack Wild, Diana Dors, Roy Kinnear, Peter Vaughan
PIGS
1972
0
A woman on the run sidles up at a farmer's who is using livestock to cover his crimes.
Like two strange stories stuck together to create a super-strange film, this is one kooky, dark effort, but it's a shame that a total lack of technique means absolutely no tension or suspense is generated. The soundtrack is quite something.
Dir: Marc Lawrence
Stars: Toni Lawrence, Jesse Vint, Catherine Ross
PILLOW OF DEATH
1945
*
An attorney is suspected of smothering his wife to death.
The sixth and final Inner Sanctum movie, and one of the better ones. The series was nowhere as bad as someone like Leslie Halliwell made out (although his endless criticism didn't stop him featuring many of the posters in his guide), even if it was never scintillating. This one is more of an old dark house whodunit, a tad ploddy perhaps but not without spooky atmosphere, and audiences who had seen the previous five films may well have failed to guess the killer in this one... The question "What are you doing here?" is the series' favourite, and makes three appearances in this wonderfully titled film.
Dir: Wallace Fox
Stars: Lon Chaney Jr, Brenda Joyce, J Edward Bromberg, Rosalind Ivan
PIN
1988
*
When his sister gets a boyfriend, a boy and his plastic anatomy doll aim to put a stop to it.
A fairly original thriller - notwithstanding echoes of Psycho - that is so unusual and weird it was never likely to find a big audience; it's difficult to empathise with these characters in this set-up. Plus, Hewlett's performance in particular is extremely mannered, and the story is overly stretched out. But those who can overlook the above may speak highly of it. For some of us, it's perhaps not weird enough, and overly Canadian.
Dir: Sandor Stern
Stars: David Hewlett, Cynthia Preston, Terry O'Quinn
PINK CADILLAC
1989
0
A bounty hunter tracks down a woman on the run from white supremacists.
Weirdly boring star vehicle (hah), too long and rambly; the star's career has been very much hit and miss.
Dir: Buddy Van Horn
Stars: Clint Eastwood, Bernadette Peters, Timothy Carhart
PINK FLOYD - THE WALL
1982
**
A rock star descends into madness.
A series of powerful, unpleasant images that may be too strong for most people.
Dir: Alan Parker
Stars: Bob Geldof, Bob Hoskins, Christine Hargreaves
THE PINK PANTHER
1963
*
An incompetent French inspector pursues a diamond thief.
The first Pink Panther movie is only funny in patches and much of it now drags. The scenes involving Sellers are by far the best and it came as no surprise when he was elevated to the star role in the sequel, A Shot In The Dark (qv).
Dir: Blake Edwards
Stars: David Niven, Peter Sellers, Robert Wagner, Capucine, John Le Mesurier
THE PINK PANTHER
2006
0
Clouseau must solve the murder of a football coach.
Predictably, an excruciating abomination: nothing works, from the very first sight gag to Martin's weird, camp performance to Kline's atrocious attempt at a French accent.
Dir: Shawn Levy
Stars: Steve Martin, Kevin Kline, Jean Reno, Emily Mortimer, Beyoncé Knowles
PINK STRING AND SEALING WAX
1945
*
In Victorian Brighton, a pub landlady plans to poison her husband.
Curiously structured yarn which half works, but the characterisations don't quite convince and there are an over-abundance of characters.
Dir: Robert Hamer
Stars: Mervyn Johns, Googie Withers, Gordon Jackson, Sally Ann Howes
PINOCCHIO
1940
***
A living puppet must prove he is worthy to become a real boy.
Wonderfully imaginative and brilliantly made cartoon in which the minor details count as much as the set pieces. Professor Jordan Peterson's lengthy analysis of the story is extraordinary and well worth hearing.
Dir: Hamilton Luske, Ben Sharpsteen
Voices: Dickie Jones, Mel Blanc, Cliff Edwards
PIRANHA
1978
*
Flesh-eating piranhas are accidentally released into the rivers of a summer resort.
More economic Jaws variant that offers agreeable doses of suspense and humour.
Dir: Joe Dante
Stars: Bradford Dillman, Heather Menzies, Kevin McCarthy
PIRANHA II: FLYING KILLERS
1982
0
A Caribbean resort is attacked by flesh-hungry monsters.
Silly, empty horror that the director later disowned.
Dir: James Cameron
Stars: Tricia O'Neil, Steve Marachuk, Lance Henriksen
PIRANHA
2010
*
Spring Break is ruined by a shoal of carnivorous fish.
Knowingly trashy shocker with a brighter attitude than many modern equivalents, it’s also lifted by a few ‘I-can’t-believe-they-did-that’ sequences, including a nude underwater ballet set to Delibes. 3D is utilised in pleasingly cheesy fashion, the carnage is carefully orchestrated, the underwater photography is excellent and a couple of cameos (Dreyfuss and Lloyd) suggest someone knows what they’re doing, even if it’s not exactly the most edifying of pictures.
Dir: Alexandre Aja
Stars: Elisabeth Shue, Steven R McQueen, Jerry O’Connell, Jessica Szohr, Kelly Brook
PIRANHA 3DD
2012
0
There’s trouble at a water park connected to a piranha-infested lake.
A cheaper, cornier and thinner sequel that fails to deliver much of what it promises. Hasselhoff is quite amusing, mercilessly sending up his persona, but the project’s desperation is underlined by the fact that there are almost ten minutes of post-credits guff to beef up the paltry running time. It’s evident they really struggled to make the water park attack scenes in the slightest bit convincing.
Dir: John Gulager
Stars: Danielle Panabaker, David Koechner, David Hasselhoff, Ving Rhames
PIRATES
1986
0
A sea captain is captured and taken aboard a Spanish galleon but manages to start a mutiny.
Meaningless, leaden swashbuckler, a real nadir for the director.
Dir: Roman Polanski
Stars: Walter Matthau, Cris Campion, Damien Thomas
THE PIRATES OF BLOOD RIVER
1962
*
Pirates attack a village, convinced it contains secret treasure.
Standard blood and thunder from Hammer; a decent, low-cost romp without much depth (or a ship!), but a palpable hit for the studio, their first U certificate success (it might not get a U now, as there are gruesome bits). Lee looks good but isn't at his most effusive.
Dir: John Gilling
Stars: Kerwin Mathews, Christopher Lee, Glenn Corbett, Andrew Keir, Oliver Reed, Michael Ripper, Desmond Llewelyn
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: THE CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL
2003
*
In the 17th century, an infamous pirate helps track down the Governor's daughter, who has been kidnapped by evil seafarers.
Boisterous swashbuckler that has its attractions but would have been better if shorn of a chapter or three.
Dir: Gore Verbinski
Stars: Johnny Depp, Keira Knightley, Orlando Bloom, Geoffrey Rush, Jack Davenport, Jonathan Pryce
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: AT WORLD'S END
2007
0
Captain Barbossa and co navigate treachery and betrayal while making their final alliances for one last decisive battle.
An endurance: an unfathomable and torpid epic in which everything is writ large and exposition is to the fore but nothing really matters, even death. Its style is strictly Hollywood by numbers and despite the odd quirk it's a very long and very boring voyage, at least until the final, spectacular blow-out.
Dir: Gore Verbinski
Stars: Johnny Depp, Keira Knightley, Orlando Bloom, Geoffrey Rush, Bill Nighy, Jack Davenport, Jonathan Pryce, Mackenzie Crook
THE PIT AND THE PENDULUM
1991
0
During the Spanish Inquisition, an innocent woman is arrested and accused of being a witch.
The Re-Animator director does his own version of Poe (although some prints of the film bear the name The Inquisitor), and it has a cheap, video-like feel that a few juicy performances can't fully disguise. His fans will find some fun amongst the historical grottiness.
Dir: Stuart Gordon
Stars: Lance Henriksen, Stephen Lee, Rona De Ricci, Jeffrey Combs, Oliver Reed
PIXELS
2015
0
When aliens that look like characters from 1980s videogames attack the Earth, veteran gamers are asked to help defeat the invaders.
There's a canny germ of an idea for a fun film in here somewhere, but this irredeemably silly comedy is not that picture; almost aggressively dumb and led by an obnoxious and unfunny actor, its appeal is unclear - kids will know little of the games it references and those who do remember the era are unlikely to have their nostalgia banks filled, even by the weirdly literal reinterpretations of the arcade game battles. Its inanity is summed up by the person it parades as the President.
Dir: Chris Colombus
Stars: Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Michelle Monaghan, Peter Dinklage, Josh Gad
A PLACE IN THE SUN
1951
***
A young man takes a job with his rich uncle and falls in love with at least one woman he shouldn't.
Not a perfect film but probably a great one, assisted by Clift's committed performance and the luscious style employed by the director, including some very long-held shots and slow fades from one scene to another, designed to contrast the lives of the rich and the poor. That's about all it offers by way of social commentary, unlike the book, but it's still a compulsive tale crafted by professionals.
Dir: George Stevens
Stars: Montgomery Clift, Elizabeth Taylor, Shelley Winters, Raymond Burr
A PLACE OF ONE’S OWN
1944
*
A girl is possessed by the spirit of a murdered woman.
Nicely made little ghost story, rather tame by modern standards.
Dir: Bernard Knowles
Stars: Margaret Lockwood, James Mason, Dennis Price, Barbara Mullen, Moore Marriott, Ernest Thesiger
A PLACE TO GO
1963
0
A son turns to crime when money is tight.
Limp drama which can’t decide what it wants to be – the tone is all over the place, from whimsical to sinister to kitchen sink, and the dialogue is that of a writer bereft of inspiration; a deeply irritating lead is the final nail in the coffin.
Dir: Basil Dearden
Stars: Michael Sarne, Rita Tushingham, Bernard Lee, Doris Hare, Roy Kinnear
PLACES IN THE HEART
1984
*
In the Southern US in the 1930s, a widow tries hard to run a cotton farm.
Somewhat vague study of a particular sort of existence; its narrative is weakened by too many characters, and the ending doesn't really fit.
Dir: Robert Benton
Stars: Sally Field, Danny Glover, John Malkovich, Ed Harris, Lindsay Crouse, Amy Madigan
THE PLAGUE DOGS
1982
*
Two dogs escape from a testing facility, but many troubles lie ahead.
Bleak animated feature, a much more dour Watership Down, that predictably failed to find much of an audience: who on earth was it meant to appeal to, with its pessimism, bad language and absence of sentimentality? The animation is beautiful - a wintry Lake District strikingly rendered - but its story is a fairly simplistic chase drama, with a caricatured portrayal of nasty scientists and virtuous animals; would we really treat the wonderful animal that is the dog this bad?
Dir: Martin Rosen
Voices: John Hurt, Christopher Benjamin, James Bolam, Nigel Hawthorne, Warren Mitchell
PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE
1959
0
Aliens cause the dead to rise.
There can be little to add to the thousands of words scribbled down about this infamous Grade-Z rubbish - the only debate appears to be whether it is entertaining to watch or not. There is a sort of fun in witnessing the dreadful continuity, sets, acting, dialogue and special effects but it palls after a while. Tim Burton's Ed Wood (qv) offers richly enjoyable background to this movie.
Dir: Edward D Wood Jr
Stars: Bela Lugosi, Tor Johnson, Vampira, Criswell
PLANES, TRAINS AND AUTOMOBILES
1988
*
A man travelling home for Thanksgiving is saddled with an obnoxious fat slob.
All the elements fall into place to make this a pleasurable movie excursion.
Dir: John Hughes
Stars: Steve Martin, John Candy, Michael McKean, Kevin Bacon
PLANET OF THE VAMPIRES
1965
*
A spaceship lands on a strange and deadly planet.
Visually impressive sci-fi let down by a script that's not as sharp as a first season episode of the original Star Trek.
Dir: Mario Bava
Stars: Barry Sullivan, Norma Bengell, Angel Aranda
PINK FLAMINGOS
1972
**
In Baltimore, a trailer trash woman is determined not to lose her title of 'filthiest person alive' to a sleazy married couple.
One of the most notorious pictures ever made, this sordid film is, if anything, more likely to offend now than when it came out, what with its faeces-eating, animal abuse, incest, oral sex, transsexualism, singing anus, semen injection and more. Its perverse energy and freewheeling extreme madness give it enduring vitality, while its technical shonkiness and school play-standard acting only add to its reputation as the underground movie that could. It's almost certainly worth seeing if you're a fan of cinema, and broadminded.
Dir: John Waters
Stars: Divine, David Lochary, Mary Vivian Pearce, Mink Stole
1982
**
A rock star descends into madness.
A series of powerful, unpleasant images that may be too strong for most people.
Dir: Alan Parker
Stars: Bob Geldof, Bob Hoskins, Christine Hargreaves
THE PINK PANTHER
1963
*
An incompetent French inspector pursues a diamond thief.
The first Pink Panther movie is only funny in patches and much of it now drags. The scenes involving Sellers are by far the best and it came as no surprise when he was elevated to the star role in the sequel, A Shot In The Dark (qv).
Dir: Blake Edwards
Stars: David Niven, Peter Sellers, Robert Wagner, Capucine, John Le Mesurier
THE PINK PANTHER
2006
0
Clouseau must solve the murder of a football coach.
Predictably, an excruciating abomination: nothing works, from the very first sight gag to Martin's weird, camp performance to Kline's atrocious attempt at a French accent.
Dir: Shawn Levy
Stars: Steve Martin, Kevin Kline, Jean Reno, Emily Mortimer, Beyoncé Knowles
THE PINK PANTHER STRIKES AGAIN
1976
**
Dreyfus escapes from his mental asylum and plots to kill Clouseau.
One of the better and broader Pink Panther films, this includes a number of fondly remembered scenes: the assassination attempts on Clouseau, his interrogation of suspects at the country house, Kato attacking him, and his hysterical range of disguises. Not quite as well controlled as its predecessor, Return, it nevertheless treats viewers to some fine comic performers and set-ups.
Dir: Blake Edwards
Stars: Peter Sellers, Herbert Lom, Lesley-Anne Down, Burt Kwouk, Colin Blakely, Leonard Rossiter
PINK STRING AND SEALING WAX
1945
*
In Victorian Brighton, a pub landlady plans to poison her husband.
Curiously structured yarn which half works, but the characterisations don't quite convince and there are an over-abundance of characters.
Dir: Robert Hamer
Stars: Mervyn Johns, Googie Withers, Gordon Jackson, Sally Ann Howes
PINOCCHIO
1940
***
A living puppet must prove he is worthy to become a real boy.
Wonderfully imaginative and brilliantly made cartoon in which the minor details count as much as the set pieces. Professor Jordan Peterson's lengthy analysis of the story is extraordinary and well worth hearing.
Dir: Hamilton Luske, Ben Sharpsteen
Voices: Dickie Jones, Mel Blanc, Cliff Edwards
PIRANHA
1978
*
Flesh-eating piranhas are accidentally released into the rivers of a summer resort.
More economic Jaws variant that offers agreeable doses of suspense and humour.
Dir: Joe Dante
Stars: Bradford Dillman, Heather Menzies, Kevin McCarthy
PIRANHA II: FLYING KILLERS
1982
0
A Caribbean resort is attacked by flesh-hungry monsters.
Silly, empty horror that the director later disowned.
Dir: James Cameron
Stars: Tricia O'Neil, Steve Marachuk, Lance Henriksen
PIRANHA
2010
*
Spring Break is ruined by a shoal of carnivorous fish.
Knowingly trashy shocker with a brighter attitude than many modern equivalents, it’s also lifted by a few ‘I-can’t-believe-they-did-that’ sequences, including a nude underwater ballet set to Delibes. 3D is utilised in pleasingly cheesy fashion, the carnage is carefully orchestrated, the underwater photography is excellent and a couple of cameos (Dreyfuss and Lloyd) suggest someone knows what they’re doing, even if it’s not exactly the most edifying of pictures.
Dir: Alexandre Aja
Stars: Elisabeth Shue, Steven R McQueen, Jerry O’Connell, Jessica Szohr, Kelly Brook
PIRANHA 3DD
2012
0
There’s trouble at a water park connected to a piranha-infested lake.
A cheaper, cornier and thinner sequel that fails to deliver much of what it promises. Hasselhoff is quite amusing, mercilessly sending up his persona, but the project’s desperation is underlined by the fact that there are almost ten minutes of post-credits guff to beef up the paltry running time. It’s evident they really struggled to make the water park attack scenes in the slightest bit convincing.
Dir: John Gulager
Stars: Danielle Panabaker, David Koechner, David Hasselhoff, Ving Rhames
PIRATES
1986
0
A sea captain is captured and taken aboard a Spanish galleon but manages to start a mutiny.
Meaningless, leaden swashbuckler, a real nadir for the director.
Dir: Roman Polanski
Stars: Walter Matthau, Cris Campion, Damien Thomas
THE PIRATES OF BLOOD RIVER
1962
*
Pirates attack a village, convinced it contains secret treasure.
Standard blood and thunder from Hammer; a decent, low-cost romp without much depth (or a ship!), but a palpable hit for the studio, their first U certificate success (it might not get a U now, as there are gruesome bits). Lee looks good but isn't at his most effusive.
Dir: John Gilling
Stars: Kerwin Mathews, Christopher Lee, Glenn Corbett, Andrew Keir, Oliver Reed, Michael Ripper, Desmond Llewelyn
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: THE CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL
2003
*
In the 17th century, an infamous pirate helps track down the Governor's daughter, who has been kidnapped by evil seafarers.
Boisterous swashbuckler that has its attractions but would have been better if shorn of a chapter or three.
Dir: Gore Verbinski
Stars: Johnny Depp, Keira Knightley, Orlando Bloom, Geoffrey Rush, Jack Davenport, Jonathan Pryce
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: AT WORLD'S END
2007
0
Captain Barbossa and co navigate treachery and betrayal while making their final alliances for one last decisive battle.
An endurance: an unfathomable and torpid epic in which everything is writ large and exposition is to the fore but nothing really matters, even death. Its style is strictly Hollywood by numbers and despite the odd quirk it's a very long and very boring voyage, at least until the final, spectacular blow-out.
Dir: Gore Verbinski
Stars: Johnny Depp, Keira Knightley, Orlando Bloom, Geoffrey Rush, Bill Nighy, Jack Davenport, Jonathan Pryce, Mackenzie Crook
PIT AND THE PENDULUM
1961
**
In sixteenth century Spain, a man investigates the strange death of his sister.
The second Corman-Poe production, among the better ones, although it does dawdle before the final third when proper horrors really kick in, and Price gets to do his stuff - before that he's more restrained, and Kerr isn't much fun. A creepy atmosphere is successfully created on a small budget, and the pendulum is a can't-lose visual.
Dir: Roger Corman
Stars: Vincent Price, John Kerr, Barbara Steele, Luana Anders
THE PIT AND THE PENDULUM
1991
0
During the Spanish Inquisition, an innocent woman is arrested and accused of being a witch.
The Re-Animator director does his own version of Poe (although some prints of the film bear the name The Inquisitor), and it has a cheap, video-like feel that a few juicy performances can't fully disguise. His fans will find some fun amongst the historical grottiness.
Dir: Stuart Gordon
Stars: Lance Henriksen, Stephen Lee, Rona De Ricci, Jeffrey Combs, Oliver Reed
PIXELS
2015
0
When aliens that look like characters from 1980s videogames attack the Earth, veteran gamers are asked to help defeat the invaders.
There's a canny germ of an idea for a fun film in here somewhere, but this irredeemably silly comedy is not that picture; almost aggressively dumb and led by an obnoxious and unfunny actor, its appeal is unclear - kids will know little of the games it references and those who do remember the era are unlikely to have their nostalgia banks filled, even by the weirdly literal reinterpretations of the arcade game battles. Its inanity is summed up by the person it parades as the President.
Dir: Chris Colombus
Stars: Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Michelle Monaghan, Peter Dinklage, Josh Gad
A PLACE IN THE SUN
1951
***
A young man takes a job with his rich uncle and falls in love with at least one woman he shouldn't.
Not a perfect film but probably a great one, assisted by Clift's committed performance and the luscious style employed by the director, including some very long-held shots and slow fades from one scene to another, designed to contrast the lives of the rich and the poor. That's about all it offers by way of social commentary, unlike the book, but it's still a compulsive tale crafted by professionals.
Dir: George Stevens
Stars: Montgomery Clift, Elizabeth Taylor, Shelley Winters, Raymond Burr
A PLACE OF ONE’S OWN
1944
*
A girl is possessed by the spirit of a murdered woman.
Nicely made little ghost story, rather tame by modern standards.
Dir: Bernard Knowles
Stars: Margaret Lockwood, James Mason, Dennis Price, Barbara Mullen, Moore Marriott, Ernest Thesiger
A PLACE TO GO
1963
0
A son turns to crime when money is tight.
Limp drama which can’t decide what it wants to be – the tone is all over the place, from whimsical to sinister to kitchen sink, and the dialogue is that of a writer bereft of inspiration; a deeply irritating lead is the final nail in the coffin.
Dir: Basil Dearden
Stars: Michael Sarne, Rita Tushingham, Bernard Lee, Doris Hare, Roy Kinnear
PLACES IN THE HEART
1984
*
In the Southern US in the 1930s, a widow tries hard to run a cotton farm.
Somewhat vague study of a particular sort of existence; its narrative is weakened by too many characters, and the ending doesn't really fit.
Dir: Robert Benton
Stars: Sally Field, Danny Glover, John Malkovich, Ed Harris, Lindsay Crouse, Amy Madigan
THE PLAGUE DOGS
1982
*
Two dogs escape from a testing facility, but many troubles lie ahead.
Bleak animated feature, a much more dour Watership Down, that predictably failed to find much of an audience: who on earth was it meant to appeal to, with its pessimism, bad language and absence of sentimentality? The animation is beautiful - a wintry Lake District strikingly rendered - but its story is a fairly simplistic chase drama, with a caricatured portrayal of nasty scientists and virtuous animals; would we really treat the wonderful animal that is the dog this bad?
Dir: Martin Rosen
Voices: John Hurt, Christopher Benjamin, James Bolam, Nigel Hawthorne, Warren Mitchell
THE PLAGUE OF THE ZOMBIES
1966
**
The dead appear to be coming to life in a small Cornish village.
Voodoo and zombies in old Cornwall - a pretty effective, sometimes quirky horror that sees Hammer move into more visceral territory. The look of the zombies themselves is a highlight. The years have dimmed its impact a little, inevitably.
Dir: John Gilling
Stars: Andre Morell, Diane Clare, John Carson, Jacqueline Pearce, Michael Ripper
PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE
1959
0
Aliens cause the dead to rise.
There can be little to add to the thousands of words scribbled down about this infamous Grade-Z rubbish - the only debate appears to be whether it is entertaining to watch or not. There is a sort of fun in witnessing the dreadful continuity, sets, acting, dialogue and special effects but it palls after a while. Tim Burton's Ed Wood (qv) offers richly enjoyable background to this movie.
Dir: Edward D Wood Jr
Stars: Bela Lugosi, Tor Johnson, Vampira, Criswell
PLANES, TRAINS AND AUTOMOBILES
1988
*
A man travelling home for Thanksgiving is saddled with an obnoxious fat slob.
All the elements fall into place to make this a pleasurable movie excursion.
Dir: John Hughes
Stars: Steve Martin, John Candy, Michael McKean, Kevin Bacon
PLANET OF THE APES
1968
***
An astronaut crew lands on a planet which is run by intelligent talking apes.
One of the most significant American sci-fi films of its decade, this remains a gripping adventure with a neat idea at its centre and much thought invested in it. Yes, it sags slightly in the middle and yes, because everyone now knows how it ends (the statue is even on some of the DVD covers), that has an effect on the viewing experience, but it's quality stuff, with the lead actor at his peak, original visuals, impressive ape make-up and a timely message about closed minds in authority. It's like the best ever episode of Star Trek.
Dir: Franklin J Schaffner
Stars: Charlton Heston, Roddy McDowall, Kim Hunter, Maurice Evans
Sequels, all qv: Beneath The Planet Of The Apes, Escape From The Planet Of The Apes, Conquest Of The Planet Of The Apes, Battle For The Planet Of The Apes
PLANET OF THE APES
2001
0
A 'reimagining' of the original that goes horribly wrong within minutes, immediately landing us in a frenetic and frantic chase scenario which hardly relents, while retaining none of the subtleties or intelligence of the 1968 movie. Feeling claustrophobic and set-bound, it's irritatingly over-directed and has its story - what story? - overwhelmed by special effects. Wahlberg is no Charlton Heston either. And the final twist makes no sense, providing a summation of the contrast with its classic predecessor.
Dir: Tim Burton
Stars: Mark Wahlberg, Helena Bonham Carter, Tim Roth, Michael Clarke Duncan, Paul Giamatti, Estella Warren
PLANET OF THE VAMPIRES
1965
*
A spaceship lands on a strange and deadly planet.
Visually impressive sci-fi let down by a script that's not as sharp as a first season episode of the original Star Trek.
Dir: Mario Bava
Stars: Barry Sullivan, Norma Bengell, Angel Aranda
PLANET OUTLAWS
1953
0
Edited version of the 1939 serial Buck Rogers (qv); it lasts 1h 11m.
With three hours excised, what's left is a quick-fire runaround that offers endless scenes in those rickety rockets, flying back and forth, followed by blokes talking sternly in a little room, interspersed with lots of fade-to-blacks. The main villain isn't much cop, but in all honesty everything feels enervated by the harsh edit (the cliffhangers were a major part of these serials' appeal) and the fact that it looks incredibly primitive now. Wonder if Flash Gordon will ever be in the same movie as Buck Rogers?
Dir: Ford Beebe, Saul A Goodkind
Stars: Buster Crabbe, Constance Moore, Jackie Moran
THE PLANK
1967
0
Two workmen have misadventures with a plank of wood.
A short comedy which perpetuated several myths, one that it's silent, or near-silent, two that it's a classic and three that Eric Sykes was ever funny - in truth it's a tedious, laugh-free debacle a long, long way from Laurel and Hardy, only recommendable for its London scenery. It was remade for TV a decade later, as was the creator's equally execrable Rhubarb (qv).
Dir: Eric Sykes
Stars: Eric Sykes, Tommy Cooper, Jimmy Edwards, Roy Castle, Graham Stark, Jim Dale
PLATOON
1986
*
A young recruit in Vietnam experiences the true horror of war.
The director’s evocation of the terrors of Vietnam must have been a personal exorcism for him, and he sets out to make it as harrowing as possible - hence, if you are unable to share his feelings, the film can appear hysterical and overwrought, although there’s no denying its proficiency. The harshest assessment would be that it's plotless, unpleasant and overrated, with the use of Barber's Adagio For Strings just an attempt at respectability.
Dir: Oliver Stone
Stars: Charlie Sheen, Tom Berenger, Willem Dafoe, Forest Whitaker, Johnny Depp
THE PLAY HOUSE
1921
*
A stage hand has a number of calamities, in contrast to his dreams.
As ever with Keaton, so much planning must have gone into this sprightly short, not least the early scenes where he plays every single role (in a technical triumph for the time); it concludes with an unusual scene where he rescues a drowning girl - but then Keaton was highly unusual.
Dir: Edward F Cline, Buster Keaton
Stars: Buster Keaton, Virginia Fox, Joe Roberts
PLAY IT AGAIN, SAM
1972
****
A divorced film critic tries to find romance, with the apparent help of Humphrey Bogart.
The best film that Allen was involved in that he didn't direct, this adaptation of his Broadway play absolutely transcends its theatrical origins thanks to sharp editing, short scenes and varied locations that move the film along at a brisk clip; it also has dialogue that might be among the wittiest ever written. It's actually one of the key Allen films in exhibiting his nebbish persona, while giving him plenty of opportunity to show his adeptness with physical comedy. He's not the only stand-out performer: you want to hug the others too, they're that sweet and sympathetic. A lovely film, there are so many bits to get you roaring with laughter - favourite scenes include the Chinese chap getting the phone call, the chat at the art gallery and the grapple with the hairdryer.
Dir: Herbert Ross
Stars: Woody Allen, Diane Keaton, Tony Roberts, Jerry Lacy
PLAY MISTY FOR ME
1971
**
A disc jockey is stalked by an obsessed female fan.
Eastwood's first film as director is a tense and tight suspenser which isn't harmed by its familiar plot development.
Dir: Clint Eastwood
Stars: Clint Eastwood, Jessica Walter, Donna Mills, John Larch
PLAYBACK
1962
*
A young policeman gets mixed up with a German woman who hates her husband.
One of the best Edgar Wallace Mysteries, benefiting from a taut script and an accomplished lead performance from Foster. The impression one gets from these films is that murder seems to have been taken a little more lightly in those days...
Dir: Quentin Lawrence
Stars: Barry Foster, Margit Saad, Victor Platt, Nigel Green
THE PLAYBIRDS
1978
0
Detectives investigate the killings of magazine centrefolds.
A monument to Seventies Soho tackiness and a feminist's nightmare, this desperately shoddy but ever so slightly likeable enterprise, complete with the world’s worst acting, is a bizarre and incompetent film with a strange obsession with horse racing. Decorative but dreadful Millington has her largest film role as a policewoman, and takes part in the hilariously salacious scenes where she and two other girls strip for their superior officers to ‘audition’ for the part of a would-be victim of the sex killer in order to entrap him. It made David Sullivan a fortune but it sure ain’t a good movie.
Dir: Willy Roe
Stars: Glynn Edwards, Gavin Campbell, Mary Millington, Alan Lake, Windsor Davies, Derren Nesbitt, Kenny Lynch, Suzy Mandel
THE PLAYER
1992
**
A studio executive is blackmailed by a writer whose script he rejected.
Adored by the critics it was aimed at, this is pleasingly different, with a smart climax, but a tad dense and overlong.
Dir: Robert Altman
Stars: Tim Robbins, Greta Scacchi, Fred Ward, Whoopi Goldberg, Peter Gallagher, Richard E Grant, Dean Stockwell, Brion James
THE PLAYGIRLS AND THE VAMPIRE
1960
0
A group of glamorous showgirls get lost and end up in a remote castle.
Apparently the first vampire movie with nudity (though it's very brief), this light Italian horror is padded but painless, quite likeable but not thrilling. Mostly the girls wander round in corsets and diaphanous nighties, a striptease ends before the bra comes off, and the girl who does get naked mostly has her body in the blackest shadow imaginable - but, hey, the quick topless scene is still history in the making. Some punters lapped it up at the time, certainly.
Dir: Piero Regnoli
Stars: Walter Brandi, Lyla Rocco, Maria Giovannini, Alfredo Rizzo
PLAYTIME
1968
*
Monsieur Hulot gets lost in a maze of a modern city.
Tati’s films have a style quite unlike any others, but this is an over indulgent, vastly overstretched comedy in which the star is almost invisible. While the production design and cinematography are stunning, it is too unfocused, too odd and not funny enough - it's no surprise it was an enormous flop. An intellectual, artistic exercise that you have to be in the right mood for.
Dir: Jacques Tati
Stars: Jacques Tati, Barbara Dennek, Rita Maiden
PLEASANTVILLE
1999
**
Two modern-day teenagers find themselves in an asinine 1950s sitcom.
An attractive idea which loses its way towards the end, bogging down what is essentially whimsy with earnest seriousness. Still, there are some excellent ideas and visually it's a feast.
Dir: Gary Ross
Stars: Tobey Maguire, Reese Witherspoon, William H Macy, Joan Allen, Jeff Daniels
PLEASE DON’T EAT MY MOTHER!
1972
0
A voyeur starts feeding nude ladies to his giant hungry plant.
A secondary school standard movie usually touted as an adults only version of Little Shop Of Horrors but more just for mindless sleaze fans only, who may even have their patience tried by the static, gauche, glacially-paced antics, which are almost enough to put one off cinema for life.
Dir: Carl Monson
Stars: Buck Kartalian, Lyn Lundgren, Rene Bond
PLEASE SIR
1971
*
A sensitive teacher tries to teach the best way he can at a rough comprehensive.
Overlong but occasionally amusing big screen version of a fair TV series. The pupils look positively angelic by today's standards.
Dir: Mark Stuart
Stars: John Alderton, Deryck Guyler, Joan Sanderson, Patsy Rowlands
PLEASE TURN OVER
1960
0
A teenage girl causes controversy by writing a novel that is based on the people in her village.
Asinine comedy which makes little sense. The actors, especially Ray, go way over the top.
Dir: Gerald Thomas
Stars: Ted Ray, Jean Kent, Leslie Phillips, Joan Sims, Charles Hawtrey
PLEASURE
2021
***
A Swedish girl arrives in LA aiming to become a big porn star.
While this explicit drama largely follows a not unpredictable course, it rarely doesn't hold the attention thanks to the preternatural lead performance and its unnerving, but balanced, portrayal of the porn industry (several real-life adult film types are in it) but it's nonetheless utterly chilling: after watching it one feels unclean, such is the display of demeaning and amoral behaviour; the world of hardcore porn truly has no redeeming features. Like a XXX Black Swan or Neon Demon, it's an unpleasantly hypnotic tale of a young woman selling her body and soul for what can only be ephemeral glory, if it can even be termed that.
Dir: Ninja Thyberg
Stars: Sofia Kappel, Revika Anne Reustle, Evelyn Claire
THE PLEASURE GARDEN
1925
*
A chorus girl meets and marries an adventurer but he has to leave the country.
Alfred Hitchcock's first film provides some fun for film historians who will recognise fleeting glimpses of themes to be developed in years to come. As a melodrama it's a bit stiff, if occasionally quirky, until the final, darker scenes in the Tropics.
Dir: Alfred Hitchcock
Stars: Virginia Valli, Carmelita Geraghty, Miles Mander
THE PLEASURE GIRLS
1965
*
Girls sharing a flat in Kensington have various problems with the opposite sex.
This modestly budgeted tale of ‘bittersweet beauties of bedsit land’ is a noble effort but struggles to come alive dramatically, as none of the individual stories are particularly scintillating – although it does do a few things that were rare in British cinema at the time (the gays, the strong, independent women). One big fault is how Suzanna Leigh could possibly find Klaus Kinski ‘loveable’!
Dir: Gerry O’Hara
Stars: Francesca Annis, Ian McShane, Klaus Kinski, Suzanna Leigh, Rosemary Nicols, Anneke Wills, Mark Eden
THE PLEASURE PRINCIPLE
1991
0
A divorcee works his way through several women.
Another reason why the British film industry is in such a rut - an insipid, limp, unfunny, alienating and dismal picture, laughable and not laughable at the same time.
Dir: David Cohen
Stars: Peter Firth, Chloe Davis, Lysette Anthony
PLENTY
1985
0
A woman involved in World War Two struggles to find a satisfactory life in post-war England.
Cold, distant drama whose lead character is nothing like a real person of the time but is exactly what you'd expect a left-wing playwright of the 1980s to conjure up - which is, of course, what the case was. Crumbs, the original play must have been even more tedious and divorced from reality.
Dir: Fred Schepisi
Stars: Meryl Streep, Charles Dance, Tracey Ullman, John Gielgud, Sting, Sam Neill
THE PLOUGHMAN'S LUNCH
1983
*
A journalist researches a book on the Suez crisis in the same year as the Falklands War.
This has more value as a snapshot of a time and place (1982 Britain) than it does as a dramatic piece: it somewhat ambles, with no clearly defined incidents or drama. If the Falklands is meant to be a comparison to Suez, that doesn't work, because Suez was a disaster and the Falklands was the opposite. It's a strange, hard-to-categorise thing, quite vividly shot at times, including the footage from the 1982 Conservative Party conference.
Dir: Richard Eyre
Stars: Jonathan Pryce, Tim Curry, Rosemary Harris, Frank Finlay
PO BOX TINTO BRASS
1995
*
The naughty Italian film director considers storylines for his new movie.
Those looking for a ripe example of Brass's oeuvre need look no further than this movie, which offers up a succession of lovingly photographed women in various states of undress. There's certainly no one who does it better.
Dir: Tinto Brass
Stars: Tinto Brass, Cinzia Roccaforte, Cristina Rinaldi, Gaia Zucchi
POCAHONTAS
1995
0
In 16th century Virginia, an English soldier falls in love with a native girl.
Weak and watery cartoon feature further undermined by right-on political attitudes.
Dir: Mike Gabriel, Eric Goldberg
Voices: Irene Bedard, Mel Gibson, Christian Bale, Billy Connolly
POINT BLANK
1967
*
A lone gunman investigates corruption in a large company.
Complex, opaque thriller that benefits from extensive location shooting.
Dir: John Boorman
Stars: Lee Marvin, Angie Dickinson, Keenan Wynn
POINT BREAK
1991
**
An FBI agent goes undercover to catch a gang of bank robbers who do a bit of surfing.
The blinding action is the thing here, not the silly plot or the stiff acting.
Dir: Kathryn Bigelow
Stars: Patrick Swayze, Keanu Reeves, Gary Busey, Lori Petty
POISON IVY
1992
0
A seductive teenager schemes her way into a wealthy family.
Nothing thriller; overblown, unsympathetic and tacky.
Dir: Katt Shea
Stars: Drew Barrymore, Sara Gilbert, Tom Skerritt, Cheryl Ladd, Leonardo DiCaprio
POLICE ACADEMY
1984
*
When the rules are relaxed, a group of misfits join the police.
First of the generally frightful comedies is easily the best of the bunch, with a nice line in broad humour and distinctive characters with different personalities - there are several proper laughs in it, and some accomplished comic set-pieces. It's amusing to pontificate that the plot is a sort of early version of real-life 'DEI'.
Dir: Hugh Wilson
Stars: Steve Guttenberg, Kim Cattrall, G W Bailey, Bubba Smith
POLICE ACADEMY 2: THEIR FIRST ASSIGNMENT
1985
0
The incompetent policemen and women take on a criminal gang.
The second instalment is a series of variably funny gags - some not funny at all, and some that do raise a chuckle: sound machine Winslow, Goldthwait's crazed turn, the aftermath of the shampoo swap, the father and son who hit each other, and a few others. It's scattershot stuff though, random and ill-plotted, treading a curious line between good-heartedness and despicable criminal behaviour, albeit immersed in comic prankery.
Dir: Jerry Paris
Stars: Steve Guttenberg, Bubba Smith, David Graf, Michael Winslow, Colleen Camp, Bobcat Goldthwait
POLICE ACADEMY 3: BACK IN TRAINING
1986
0
Two police academies compete against each other to stay open.
Virtually plotless (not that it cares) threequel with incidents that vary wildly in funniness - the water-based climax, for example, is pretty flat, but the returning Goldthwait is again a hilarious, mad highlight, and there are funny bits, like the reappearance of the Blue Oyster and the little nervous guy. And one thing you can say about this series is that it's good-natured and most wants to put smiles on faces.
Dir: Jerry Paris
Stars: Steve Guttenberg, Bubba Smith, David Graf, Michael Winslow, Bobcat Goldthwait
POLICE ACADEMY 4: CITIZENS ON PATROL
1987
0
The inept academy trains citizens to fight the scourge of crime.
Easily the worst of the series so far, the drop in quality is evident from the off. The ideas have already run out so they're forced to over-use Winslow and his noise-making, while Guttenberg has very little to do and even Bobcat isn't as funny as before; it just feels tired and hackneyed and half-hearted, fun for the dumb and no one else.
Dir: Jim Drake
Stars: Steve Guttenberg, Bubba Smith, Michael Winslow, David Graf, Bobcat Goldthwait, Sharon Stone
POLICE ACADEMY 5: ASSIGNMENT MIAMI BEACH
1988
0
The crummy coppers tackle jewel thieves in Florida.
Even worse than its predecessor, this is a comedy of astonishing lameness which isn't able to create any funny situations in part because the situations themselves are incredibly stupid; some scenes are insultingly irrelevant, and they've also run out of things to do with the returning characters. The result is abysmally painful, despite the sunny Florida setting.
Dir: Alan Myerson
Stars: Bubba Smith, Michael Winslow, GW Bailey, David Graf, Leslie Easterbrook
POLICE ACADEMY 6: CITY UNDER SIEGE
1989
0
A crimewave engulfs the city.
There isn’t a single thing to smile about in this dreadful garbage in which the officers are stupid beyond belief.
Dir: Peter Bonerz
Stars: Bubba Smith, Michael Winslow, David Graf, Leslie Easterbrook
POLICE ACADEMY: MISSION TO MOSCOW
1994
0
US police travel to Russia to investigate organised crime.
Not one chuckle is generated by part seven, which came five years after the previous entry and killed the series (although there was a TV show). The most that can be said about it is that it was actually shot in Russia.
Dir: Alan Metter
Stars: George Gaynes, GW Bailey, Michael Winslow, David Graf, Christopher Lee
POLICE STORY 3: SUPERCOP
1995
*
A Hong Kong cop comes up against a Chinese drug lord.
Satisfying all-action extravaganza that plays like an Oriental version of James Bond.
Dir: Stanley Tong
Stars: Jackie Chan, Michelle Yeoh, Maggie Cheung
POLLYANNA
1960
**
A young girl manages to make a town a nicer place.
The archetypal heart-warming and tear-jerking family film, sweet enough to become a holiday television favourite, this Disney dessert is their uncynical evocation of small-town America and the power of love – hence, the cynical will not be impressed.
Dir: David Swift
Stars: Hayley Mills, Jane Wyman, Richard Egan, Karl Malden, Nancy Olson, Agnes Moorehead
POLTERGEIST
1982
*
A family house, built on a graveyard, is plagued by phantoms.
Padded horror which struggles to chill despite the effort involved from writer/producer Spielberg (it ended up with a PG in America) - but there are some memorable sequences.
Dir: Tobe Hooper
Stars: Craig T Nelson, JoBeth Williams, Heather O'Rourke, Zelda Rubinstein
POLTERGEIST II: THE OTHER SIDE
1986
0
The family move house but are still haunted.
Clichéd sequel that takes a while to get going and fails to shock when it does.
Dir: Brian Gibson
Stars: Craig T Nelson, JoBeth Williams, Heather O'Rourke, Zelda Rubinstein
POLYESTER
1981
*
A housewife breaks down when all of her family get into various sorts of trouble.
More mainstream than most Waters films, but still hilariously tasteless. Originally in ‘Odorama’, which meant audiences could use scratch ’n’ sniff cards at certain points in the movie.
Dir: John Waters
Stars: Divine, Tab Hunter, Edith Massey
POOL OF LONDON
1951
*
Sailors on shore leave in London get into various scrapes.
Another interesting Ealing Studios release, featuring a then unusual racial element and plenty of evocative photography of London's docklands.
Dir: Basil Dearden
Stars: Bonar Colleano, Susan Shaw, Renee Asherson, Earl Cameron
POOR COW
1967
**
A young woman suffers a series of broken relationships in squalid surroundings.
Grim slice of realism with an innovative approach that has kept it fresh and vital – but some of the acting is shaky and the film won’t be for everyone.
Dir: Ken Loach
Stars: Carol White, Terence Stamp, John Bindon, Queenie Watts
POOR THINGS
2023
****
In Victorian London, an eccentric scientist brings a young woman back to life by putting the brain of her unborn baby into her head.
In a century of film, there are no others quite like this one: a bitingly original, dazzlingly shot, splendidly acted slice of intellectual craziness that's impossible to resist. Stone gives the performance of a lifetime while Ruffalo and Dafoe offer richly enjoyable ones, with other larger than life characters also embellishing a movie which manages to be funny and shocking in turn; the production design, costumes and the camerawork are outstanding and the enterprise as a whole gives you renewed faith in Hollywood and the film industry - it can still offer up remarkably radical product that should be seen in a cinema. Minor quibbles might be that it occasionally pushes its 'empowerment' message too hard, or that it overdoes the incongruous swearing, but they're minor quibbles indeed - it's a filthy, sacrilegious, super-powered joyride.
Dir: Yorgos Lanthimos
Stars: Emma Stone, Mark Ruffalo, Willem Dafoe, Ramy Youssef
POP GEAR
1965
*
Jimmy Savile introduces several British pop groups performing (then disappears half-way through).
Gratifying if synthetic musical time capsule bookended by live appearances by the Beatles (She Loves You and a bit of Twist And Shout), outclassing all the other lip-synching performers, who vary wildly in quality. Still, some of the tunes, along with the bands’ well-mannered innocence, are nice enough.
Dir: Frederic Goode
Stars: Jimmy Savile, The Beatles, The Animals, Spencer Davis Group, Herman’s Hermits, Billy J Kramer, Nashville Teens
POP PIRATES
1984
0
A young pop group try to make it in a talent contest, but video piracy is lurking nearby...
Of its time CFF effort with little for grown ups save some nice location shooting in Brighton.
Dir: Jack Grossman
Stars: George Sweeney, Roger Daltrey, Joe Melia
POPCORN UND HIMBEEREIS
1978
0
Two girls try to find money that has been put under a mattress.
Deeply moronic German sex comedy, agony to watch. One might randomly ask: why does the fat nerd resist the beautiful large breasted blonde? Why are these people all wearing white? Why am I watching this just because of Olivia Pascal? 'Himbeereis' means raspberry ice cream.
Dir: FJ Gottleib
Stars: Benny Schnier, Olivia Pascal, Zachi Noy
PORGY AND BESS
1959
*
A drug-addicted hussy takes up with a cripple in an attempt to get away from her drug dealer and abusive lover.
There's all sorts of history behind this opera and this movie (see Wikapedia), and this adaptation has been seen by few over the years since its release. Is it a good movie? It's hearty in some senses, but sort of false and distant feeling, because the director chose to shoot it like a stage play, in long takes and long and medium shots; most of the singing is also obviously dubbed. Possibly worth tracking down for Gershwin fans or historians of this period in American life.
Dir: Otto Preminger
Stars: Sidney Poiter, Dorothy Dandridge, Sammy Davis Jr, Brock Peters, Pearl Bailey
PORKY’S
1982
*
In 1954, a group of students aim to both lose their virginity and get revenge on a nasty nightclub owner.
Popular and influential teen comedy which helped usher in a new era of bad taste.
Dir: Bob Clark
Stars: Dan Monahan, Mark Herrier, Wyatt Knight, Kim Cattrall
PORKY’S II
1983
0
The students are targeted by the KKK for putting an Indian in a Shakespeare production.
Lame-brained, unfunny and unpleasantly self-satisfied sequel.
Dir: Bob Clark
Stars: Dan Monahan, Mark Herrier, Wyatt Knight
PORKY’S REVENGE
1985
0
Porky opens another nightclub in the area.
Pizzazz-less second sequel in which the jokes can be seen a mile off.
Dir: James Komack
Stars: Dan Monahan, Mark Herrier, Wyatt Knight, Chuck Mitchell
THE PORNBROKERS
1973
*
Documentary looking at the sex film industry in Western Europe.
Partisan film-making of prurient and nostalgic interest, its impact has been lessened by dozens of similar television documentaries made since. Still, a notable snapshot of a time and place, heavy in authenticity.
Dir: John Lindsay, Laurence Barnett
Narrator: Roger Heathcot
PORNO
1981
0
Three tales of the erotic.
Not as strong or crude as its title suggests, this is a sexy curiosity from Brazil in confined settings that's not entirely without merit. The first story is straightforward, full of nudity, the second knowingly naughty and borderline blasphemous, the third silly and overlong but strangely appealing - lucky grasshopper! Preferable to watching ITV most nights of the week.
Dir: David Cardoso, Luiz Castellini, John Doo
Stars: David Cardoso, Zelia Diniz, Liana Duval
PORNO NIGHTS OF THE WORLD
1977
0
Mondo movie which features nude roller skating, a magician who gives his glamorous assistant an extra appendage, a sex education class with a doll and a bottomless teacher, brutal African retribution, a stripper and her dog, ping-pong action and much more.
The delectable Gemser introduces all of this stuff, most of it contrived for the film and shot in the same place, some of it even from other films, and it's very 'of its time' and quite sleazy, though not massively explicit. The viewing experience, which may vary according to drinks partaken, is not changed too much by watching an untranslated version without English subtitles.
Dir: Bruno Mattei, Joe D'Amato
Stars: Laura Gemser
PORRIDGE
1979
*
The cons plan to use a football match as cover to mount an escape.
Welcome expansion of the BBC TV series, one of the better transitions of its type.
Dir: Dick Clement
Stars: Ronnie Barker, Richard Beckinsale, Fulton Mackay, Brian Wilde, Peter Vaughan, Julian Holloway
PORTRAIT IN TERROR
1963/5
*
A mysterious man in white comes to Dubrovnik to carry out an art theft.
This is a slightly re-edited version of the 1963 Yugoslavian film Operacija Ticijan (Operation Titian) – it’s around 15 minutes shorter, largely cutting out scenes from the beginning, although there is extra footage later (concerning the killing of the girl by the sea), which is bizarre, as it pretty much gives away the final twist. Both versions of the film boast lovely photography of what is now part of Croatia, the plot has promise but could have been directed with so much more assuredness, and Magee’s dark character is the highlight. See also the Blood Bath (1966) review.
Dir: Rados Novakovic (as Michael Roy)
Stars: William Campbell, Anna Pavane, Patrick Magee, Kerry Anderson
PORTRAIT OF A LADY ON FIRE
2019
0
On a remote island in Brittany in the eighteenth century, a woman is commissioned to paint the portrait of a well-to-do lady.
Ice Ages move more quickly than this soporific romantic drama - it's not only the general pace that is agonising but the individual scenes that almost appear to be taking place in slow motion. Combine this with rather wearisome underlying messages about 'forbidden love' and - as surely as day follows night - onanistic critics fell head over heels for it. But it's French art house feminist cinema at its most insufferable.
Dir: Celine Sciamma
Stars: Noémie Merlant, Adèle Haenel, Luà na Bajrami
PORTRAIT OF JENNIE
1948
*
A mysterious girl inspires a struggling artist.
Glossy romantic fantasy that looks and sounds good, though the tale is regaled at a moderate pace.
Dir: William Dieterle
Stars: Joseph Cotten, Jennifer Jones, Ethel Barrymore, Lillian Gish
POSED FOR MURDER
1989 (V)
0
A nude model's jealous boyfriend starts butchering men.
All groan in unison at the rusty mechanics of this tired and tacky shocker.
Dir: Brian Thomas Jones
Stars: Charlotte J Helmkamp, Michael Merrins
THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE
1972
**
An ocean liner capsizes, leaving the passengers with a struggle to survive.
The big daddy of disaster movies follows the template to a tee: 45 minutes introducing the characters followed by an hour of spectacular calamity, some of which is undeniably thrilling.
Dir: Ronald Neame
Stars: Gene Hackman, Ernest Borgnine, Red Buttons, Carol Lynley, Roddy McDowall, Stella Stevens, Shelley Winters, Leslie Nielsen
THE POSSESSED
1977 (TV)
0
An exorcist tries to ride a girls' school of evil.
Dour horror of little originality.
Dir: Jerry Thorpe
Stars: James Farentino, Joan Hackett, Harrison Ford, Diana Scarwid
POSSESSION
1981
0
A woman whose marriage is falling apart appears to be fostering a demon.
Deeply dislikeable and repugnant horror/psychological study full of sequences that make the viewer ask ‘why on earth am I watching this?’ Absolute torture.
Dir: Andrzej Zulawski
Stars: Isabelle Adjani, Sam Neill, Heinz Bennent
THE POST
2017
**
The Washington Post uncovers evidence of successive American governments misleading the public and has to choose whether to publish or not.
Solid, well made newspaper drama that allows Spielberg to parade his politics (including some opportunist feminism) and actors to do their actory stuff. At its root it's a compelling tale of the freedom of the press, and also, in this digital/internet age, a fascinating insight into how things used to be done - that hot metal was quite something.
Dir: Steven Spielberg
Stars: Meryl Streep, Tom Hanks, Bob Odenkirk, Tracy Letts
THE POSTMAN ALWAYS RINGS TWICE
1946
***
A drifter gets involved with a beautiful married woman and they plot to kill her older husband.
One of the better film noirs of the period, this is a tense and twisting movie that belongs to Turner, stunningly gorgeous as a woman who can be both flinty and vulnerable - it's no surprise she is so desired. The legal stuff in the middle is slightly kooky but all comes good again by the end with its delicious, dark climax.
Dir: Tay Garnett
Stars: Lana Turner, John Garfield, Cecil Kellaway, Hume Cronyn
1981
*
A passionate affair leads to murder.
Slack and sleepy remake of the 1946 film, it relied heavily on the stars’ much-promoted sex scenes.
Dir: Bob Rafelson
Stars: Jack Nicholson, Jessica Lange, John Colicos, Anjelica Huston
IL POSTINO: THE POSTMAN
1994
*
A simple man wins the local beauty thanks to getting friendly with visiting Chilean poet Pablo Neruda.
This modest drama was something of a sensation at the time, perhaps due to a combination of a desire for simpler, homelier fare, a surge in the popularity of Neruda's work, and sadness at the death of Troisi, who had a heart attack as soon as he'd finished shooting. It's pleasant if unremarkable, more of a story about a relationship between two men than between a man and a woman, and one of the men - Neruda - wasn't as saintly as made out here. One of the few foreign language films to be nominated for Best Film Oscar, it's weird how the Academy only occasionally do this, and choose the pictures they do.
Dir: Michael Radford, Massimo Troisi
Stars: Massimo Troisi, Philippe Noiret, Maria Grazia Cucinotta
THE POWER
1967
*
A man develops the power to move objects by the power of his mind.
Complicated sci-fi with some impressive visuals but a rather numbing whole.
Dir: Byron Haskin
Stars: George Hamilton, Suzanne Pleshette, Richard Carlson, Yvonne De Carlo
THE POWER
1984
0
An ancient Aztec doll causes all manner of problems for modern-day American high schoolers.
Crummy horror with very few redeeming features. Lame, boring, talky and dark, it is blessed with no power of any kind.
Dir: Stephen Carpenter, Jeffrey Obrow
Stars: Suzy Stokey, Warren Lincoln, Lisa Erickson
THE POWER OF THE DOG
2021
**
In 1925 Montana, two brothers run a ranch. One takes a wife, which damages several lives.
A 'filmy' film, one for critics to swoon over and some general audiences to fall asleep to or be annoyed by - it's a slow, mannered work with scenes so pregnant with meaning that they should be in a maternity ward. The cast act like they're in a movie, not like they're trying to pretend this is real life, and the objects in the film possibly mean more. Viewers will have to be alert to pick up on what it's trying to say and, if anything, it gets more opaque as it goes along; its title says a lot about it - pretentious, portentous and deliberately odd. You can never guess where it's going, though.
Dir: Jane Campion
Stars: Benedict Cumberbatch, Kirsten Dunst, Jesse Plemons, Kodi Smit-McPhee
PRANKS
1981
0
Students closing down a dorm are menaced by a killer.
Deadly dull stalk-and-slash scripted by half-wits and shot by incompetents (who just happen to be the same people).
Dir: Jeffrey Obrow, Stephen Carpenter
Stars: Laurie Lapinski, Stephen Sachs, Pamela Holland
PREACHING TO THE PERVERTED
1997
0
A government minister plots to infiltrate an S&M club.
Risible drama full of ludicrous improbabilities; to name but two things, the concept of MPs wanting to close down the club is outdated and the infiltration of it is utterly unbelievable. You don't get this time back.
Dir: Stuart Urban
Stars: Guinevere Turner, Tom Bell, Christien Anholt, Ricky Tomlinson
PRECIOUS
2009
***
An obese African-American teenager treated appallingly by her mother is shown kindness by her new teacher.
Distinct and vigorous drama that manages to avoid the pitfalls that these sorts of films often fall into, and breaks the heart in an unusual way, while also providing moments of humour and novelty among the human tragedy; several excellent performances also make it a must-watch.
Dir: Lee Daniels
Stars: Gabourey Sidibe, Mo'Nique, Paula Patton, Mariah Carey
PREDATOR
1987
**
A team of soldiers in the jungle are hunted by an alien warrior.
Illogical but effective action movie.
Dir: John McTiernan
Stars: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Carl Weathers, Bill Duke, Jesse Ventura
PREDATOR 2
1990
*
The Predator comes to LA to prey on city-dwellers.
Repetitive, brain-free sequel in which the action is considerably better than the dialogue.
Dir: Stephen Hopkins
Stars: Danny Glover, Gary Busey, Bill Paxton, Robert Davi, Adam Baldwin
PREDESTINATION
2014
**
A time travel agent goes on one last quest to take down a terrorist.
Audacious sci-fi thriller which rarely does what you expect it to (except perhaps once - the 1963 meet up) and ends up bending the brain out of shape. It might have looked silly written down, but on screen it mainly works a treat and is definitely one of the better time travel movies of the era.
Dir: Michael Spierig, Peter Spierig
Stars: Ethan Hawke, Sarah Snook, Noah Taylor
PREHISTORIC WOMEN
1967
0
A jungle guide somehow ends up at the mercy of warring female tribes.
Poor low budget adventure, extremely limited in ambition, shot in a couple of corners of a sound stage by Hammer using costumes from One Million Years BC. It was retitled Slave Girls and shorn of 15 minutes for US release, but the Yanks would still get the fake charging rhino and the mad but humourless basic story, the poor things.
Dir: Michael Carreras
Stars: Martine Beswick, Edina Ronay, Michael Latimer, Carol White
THE PREMATURE BURIAL
1962
**
A man is obsessed with the idea of being buried alive.
Another enjoyable Poe adaptation by Corman, with Milland effective as the man who can't enjoy life because he's so busy worrying about death. All the traditional horror paraphernalia is present and correct - crypts, maggots, gravediggers, lots of fog - making for a welcome addition to the series.
Dir: Roger Corman
Stars: Ray Milland, Hazel Court, Richard Ney, Alan Napier
PREMIERS DESIRS
1983
0
Three teenage girls are shipwrecked on an island and look for love.
Hamilton as usual flatters to deceive: it's weird how he set up these enticing scenarios, employed beautiful actresses, found idyllic locations, and then invariably went and made a dog of a picture with tedious dialogue and plot. Scandalous, even! Maybe he should have stuck to still photography, even if with his films he did manage to capture a bit of Western civilisation somewhere near its peak.
Dir: David Hamilton
Stars: Monica Broeke, Anja Schute, Emmanuelle Beart
PREPPIES
1984
0
Three women are paid to distract three students from their studies.
Rubbishy sex comedy made with a one-note moronicness.
Dir: Chuck Vincent
Stars: Dennis Drake, Steven Holt, Peter Brady Reardon
PRESENCE OF MIND
1999
0
A governess with a past is hired to look after two unusual children.
Poorly titled version of The Turn Of The Screw (why not just call it that? Although this is a film that can't credit the original novella's title correctly, missing out the 'The') with much else that's poor about it, though it's tricky to put one's finger on exactly what spoils it. Maybe it's the lousy sound engineering, maybe it's the windy, wandering script, maybe it's the child actors who just don't seem right, maybe the location's wrong: whatever, you're better off sticking with 1961's The Innocents (qv).
Dir: Antoni Aloy
Stars: Sadie Frost, Lauren Bacall, Harvey Keitel, Nilo Zimmerman
THE PRESIDENT’S ANALYST
1967
0
A man privy to the President's secrets is sought by spies all over the world.
Satirical fantasy which becomes tiresome due to its wackiness.
Dir: Theodore J Flicker
Stars: James Coburn, Godfrey Cambridge, Severn Darden
PRESSURE
1975
*
A young West Indian in West London has problems finding a job.
One of the first films to study the difficulties of integrating black immigrants and their offspring into British society, and based on what's presented here, the impartial observer might conclude that it was hardly worth the trouble, such is the widespread anger and resentment from both blacks and whites. Like Babylon and Black Joy (both qv), it is vivid and streetwise, but also baggy and unfocused narratively speaking, certainly overlong, but of some historical value. It presents problems rather than solutions, which is interesting in itself.
Dir: Horace Ove
Stars: Herbert Norville, Oscar James, Frank Singuineau
THE PRESTIGE
2006
***
In late nineteenth century London, two magicians battle against each other to be the superior act.
A machiavellian puzzle box of a movie which not only presents a twisting and turning drama about magicians but does it with a back and forth narrative - the effect borders on the bamboozling but still keeps the viewer glued to the screen while it's on and scurrying to the internet message boards after it's finished. Excellent, sincere performances help greatly too.
Dir: Christopher Nolan
Stars: Christian Bale, Hugh Jackman, Michael Caine, Scarlet Johannson, David Bowie
PRETTY IN PINK
1986
*
Love rivalries in an American high school.
Smarter than average look at teenage tribulations.
Dir: Howard Deutch
Stars: Molly Ringwald, Harry Dean Stanton, James Spader, Andrew McCarthy
PRETTY SMART
1987
0
Two troublesome girls are sent to a boarding school in Greece.
Salacious comedy with few laughs.
Dir: Dimitri Logothetis
Stars: Tricia Leigh Fisher, Patricia Arquette, Dennis Cole
PRETTY WOMAN
1990
*
A rich businessman falls in love with a leggy prostitute.
Astonishingly popular reworking of Pygmalion with utterly conventional plot development, its success was thanks to a vociferous, appreciative female audience.
Dir: Garry Marshall
Stars: Richard Gere, Julia Roberts, Ralph Bellamy, Alex Hyde-White
PREVENGE
2016
*
A pregnant woman goes on a killing spree apparently guided by her unborn baby.
For a film shot on a tiny budget in 11 days – by a writer/director/star who was seven months pregnant – this is a pretty good effort, but its mix of comedy, horror and socio-realism is a bit queasy, and the story gets repetitive before finally running out of steam. A maxed up angry woman movie, it has some well-observed scenes and unmistakable Britishness, but twice the amount of time and money available would have produced more rounded results.
Dir: Alice Lowe
Stars: Alice Lowe, Jo Hartley, Dan Renton Skinner, Kate Dickie
PREY
1977
0
An alien disturbs the lives of two reclusive lesbians.
Austere shocker which moves at a slow pace and ultimately only seems like half a story.
Dir: Norman J Warren
Stars: Barry Stokes, Sally Faulkner, Glory Annen
PRICK UP YOUR EARS
1989
**
The life of playwright Joe Orton, who was murdered by his lover.
A sharply etched character study which represents contemporary British cinema near its best, although it tends to be a lot keener on providing insights into homosexual life than studying Orton the playwright.
Dir: Stephen Frears
Stars: Gary Oldman, Alfred Molina, Vanessa Redgrave, Frances Barber, Julie Walters
PRIDE & PREJUDICE
2005
***
A gentleman finds himself falling in love with a woman beneath his
class.
Sumptuous version of Austen’s novel that is a delight to both listen to
and look at, in part due to beautiful locations and actresses. Probably the
best of the modern Austen adaptations, expertly tailored to a sophisticated
modern audience.
Dir: Joe Wright
Stars: Keira Knightley, Matthew Macfadyen, Rosamund Pike, Talulah Riley,
Brenda Blethyn, Doanld Sutherland, Judi Dench, Tom Hollander, Carey Mulligan
THE PRIDE OF THE YANKEES
1942
**
The short life of baseball player Lou Gehrig.
Simplistic, good-natured biopic that is predictable scene-to-scene, follows a very familiar trajectory and features a star who is way too old for the part (the college scenes are laughable). It's a story that must have been so familiar to American audiences of the time that it doesn't even bother with explanatory lines at the conclusion, and you imagine they lapped it up; today it's an easy enough watch, the strong production values still shine, but the treatment of its subject seems chaste (his illness is barely gone into).
Dir: Sam Wood
Stars: Gary Cooper, Teresa Wright, Babe Ruth, Walter Brennan
PRIMAL FEAR
1996
0
Police investigate an altar boy accused of murdering a priest.
There's a decent story in here somewhere, camouflaged by the usual Hollywood sins of pervasive bad language, a 'naturalistic' soundtrack, political correctness and overblown budget.
Dir: Gregory Hoblit
Stars: Richard Gere, Laura Linney, Edward Norton, John Mahoney
THE PRIME OF MISS JEAN BRODIE
1969
*
A progressive school teacher influences the lives of her pupils at a Scottish school between the wars.
Well made if somewhat detached character study, cold in presentation.
Dir: Ronald Neame
Stars: Maggie Smith, Robert Stephens, Pamela Franklin, Gordon Jackson, Celia Johnson
PRIMER
2004
0
Weekend scientists invent a time travel machine.
Ninety per cent of the running time of this sci-fi drama consists of two men in white shirts talking to each other; it simply doesn’t have the budget to add thrills to its ideas, but was much praised anyway.
Dir: Shane Carruth
Stars: Shane Carruth, David Sullivan, Casey Gooden
PRIMITIVE LONDON
1965
*
Extraordinary, deranged documentary which manages to cram the following into its running time: childbirth, strippers, corn removal, wrestling, bowler hat making, fat men in Turkish baths, topless dresses, stand-up comedy, Mods, Jack the Ripper, hair styling, goldfish surgery, battery farming and the Beatles' Can't Buy Me Love.
Some of it's fascinating, some of it’s tedious, but all of it is worth preserving; gaudy images, bizarre tone, disapproving commentary and all. The BFI obviously thought so as they released a sumptuous, restored DVD of it in 2009; extras included the 1966 short Carousella, a gritty documentary about striptease.
Dir: Arnold L Miller
Narrator: David Gell
THE PRINCE AND THE SHOWGIRL
1957
*
An American showgirl falls for a Ruritanian prince.
Stiff, talkative drama which rarely moves outside its plush interiors.
Dir: Laurence Olivier
Stars: Laurence Olivier, Marilyn Monroe, Sybil Thorndike, Richard Wattis
PRINCE OF DARKNESS
1987
0
Scientists make a discovery in a church which could spell the end of the world.
Dour, wrong-headed shocker that throws everything at the wall to see what sticks: it's mainly horror but there's some science and some religious mumbo jumbo, while a too-large cast - including a very irritating Asian man and Pleasence, as ever at this stage of his career, bumbling around looking bothered - intermittently faces some gross stuff (some of which is effectively creepy). It's a somewhat preposterous movie.
Dir: John Carpenter
Stars: Donald Pleasence, Jameson Parker, Victor Wong, Lisa Blount
THE PRINCE OF TIDES
1992
*
A man whose sister has attempted suicide becomes close to the psychiatrist he is seeing to try and untangle their lives.
Chunky drama that delves into the past to make sense of the present: its dark themes have a tendency to be undercut by the occasional schmaltziness.
Dir: Barbra Streisand
Stars: Nick Nolte, Barbra Streisand, Blythe Danner, Kate Nelligan
THE PRINCESS BRIDE
1987
*
An old man reads his grandson a tale of magic, giants, an evil prince and a beautiful princess.
Appealing semi-satirical fantasy that is slightly handicapped by miscasting and the story being read.
Dir: Rob Reiner
Stars: Cary Elwes, Mandy Patinkin, Robin Wright Penn, Chris Sarandon, Christopher Guest, Fred Savage, Peter Falk, Peter Cook, Mel Smith, Billy Crystal
PRINCESS MONONOKE
1998
*
A doomed warrior helps a wolf-girl save her threatened forest.
Imaginative and luscious-looking cartoon too violent for children but much liked by a nerdish sort of internet-dwelling audience, who care passionately about what’s going on and therefore get a lot out of it.
Dir: Hayao Miyazaki
Voices (US version): Billy Crudup, Billy Bob Thornton, Minnie Driver, Claire Danes, Gillian Anderson
THE PRINCIPAL
1987
0
A teacher takes a job at a tough inner-city school.
Well over the top relation of Blackboard Jungle that's watchable if you're in the mood.
Dir: Christopher Cain
Stars: James Belushi, Louis Gossett Jr, Rae Dawn Chong
PRISON
1987
0
The spirit of a dead prisoner returns for revenge.
Basically just a prison movie with horror adornments; well shot but rather heavy going.
Dir: Renny Harlin
Stars: Viggo Mortensen, Chelsea Field, Lane Smith
THE PRISONER OF ZENDA
1937
**
A would-be king's identical brother is asked to impersonate him.
Archetypal schoolboy adventure whose swashbuckling still proves exciting.
Dir: John Cromwell
Stars: Ronald Colman, Douglas Fairbanks Jr, Madeleine Carroll, C Aubrey Smith, Raymond Massey, Mary Astor, David Niven
THE PRISONER OF ZENDA
1979
*
Light-hearted remake with Sellers in the dual role.
You want to like this version of the reliable old chestnut but it's the definition of average, a sort of 'Pink Panther of Zenda' with gags that are highly variable. It looks nice enough but isn't a goer.
Dir: Richard Quine
Stars: Peter Sellers, Lynne Frederick, Lionel Jeffries, Elke Sommer
PRISONERS
2013
**
When his child goes missing, an anxious father takes the law into his own hands.
Interesting and often intriguing thriller weighed down by a director intent on making it as bleak - behaviour-wise and weather-wise - and long as he possibly can; there's quality filmmaking here, but one wishes the product was a tad more accessible.
Dir: Denis Villeneuve
Stars: Hugh Jackman, Jake Gyllenhaal, Maria Bello, Terrence Howard, Paul Dano
PRIVATE
2004
0
A series of six erotic vignettes.
The director's pervy predilections are starting to be a bit tired and tedious; dire dubbing and stories that go nowhere don’t help.
Dir: Tinto Brass
Stars: Sara Cosmi, Silvia Rossi, Raffaella Ponzon
PRIVATE BENJAMIN
1980
**
After her husband dies on their wedding night, a well-to-do lady joins the army on a whim.
Sweet comedy that depends on the appeal and relatability of the star, who isn't found wanting. While not doing anything especially remarkable or different, it wins you over with its story of pluck, and its mix of mostly gentle humour and drama; naturally there was a TV series after.
Dir: Howard Zieff
Stars: Goldie Hawn, Eileen Brennan, Armand Assante, Robert Webber
PRIVATE LESSONS
1981
*
A 15-year-old boy lusts after his sexy foreign maid.
Silly but watchable comic drama which is quite titillating at times though hardly follows through in the way the Europeans surely would (Kristel's pubic hair is, bizarrely, pixelated). It's inconsequential and fairly low rent but isn't without its gauche appeal.
Dir: Alan Myerson
Stars: Sylvia Kristel, Eric Brown, Howard Hesseman, Ed Begley Jr
THE PRIVATE LIFE OF HENRY VIII
1933
*
King Henry VIII gets through a succession of wives while ruling England.
Immensely popular and praised at the time, this now seems so dated it's almost incoherent in places, but Laughton's defining portrayal still comes across as lively, almost comic book.
Dir: Alexander Korda
Stars: Charles Laughton, Robert Donat, Franklin Dyall, Merle Oberon, Elsa Lanchester
THE PRIVATE LIFE OF SHERLOCK HOLMES
1970
***
Sherlock Holmes is revealed to have had dealings with women.
Possibly the greatest Sherlock Holmes film of them all, and Wilder's best latter-day one too. A sophisticated and handsome entertainment, the first half hour amusingly questions Holmes' manliness while the remainder is a complex jigsaw involving midgets, Germans, the Loch Ness Monster and Queen Victoria.
Dir: Billy Wilder
Stars: Robert Stephens, Colin Blakely, Genevieve Page, Christopher Lee, Irene Handl, Stanley Holloway
PRIVATE PARTS
1997
**
The life of shock radio DJ Howard Stern.
Juicy biopic about a not particularly loveable star that does manage (unintentionally?) to ask questions about the blurred gap between fantasy and reality.
Dir: Betty Thomas
Stars: Howard Stern, Robin Quivers, Mary McCormack
PRIVATE PROPERTY
1960
**
Two thugs wangle their way into the house of a rich, beautiful married woman.
Like something from 10 or 20 years later (and a film that frighteningly foreshadows the Manson killings), this is a remarkably proficient micro budgeted drama that skilfully creates a strong atmosphere of dread in sunny, suburban California. The small details are well taken care of, characterisations are impressively etched in, all the performances are excellent and the camerawork is more than competent - a fight in a swimming pool is splendidly done. The only surprise is that they chose not to end the movie on an even darker note, because it's such a risk-taking production, and one that deserves a wider audience.
Dir: Leslie Stevens
Stars: Corey Allen, Kate Manx, Warren Oates, Robert Wark
PRIVATE RESORT
1985
0
Two teenage boys chase girls at a Florida resort.
Feeble teen sex comedy which turns into a Noises Off-type farce - or at least, would like to. It'd now be even more obscure, deservedly, if it wasn't for one of its young stars.
Dir: George Bowers
Stars: Rob Morrow, Johnny Depp, Emily Longstreth
PRIVATE ROAD
1971
*
The daughter of well-to-do Surrey parents takes up with a capricious young writer.
Strictly linear study of a relationship, quite nicely done with natural-sounding dialogue and decent performances, although Penhaligon’s character is a bit too mopey to be fully sympathetic. In the end though, it’s nothing very out of the ordinary. Withnail And I fans may like to visit it for the small pointers it gives to the male star’s future project.
Dir: Barney Platts-Mills
Stars: Susan Penhaligon, Bruce Robinson, Michael Feast
PRIVATE SCHOOL
1983
0
The course of true love does not run smooth between a boy and a girl at two separate schools.
These Eighties teen sex comedies have gained something in the intervening years, even blundering efforts like this one in which characters act in very strange and stupid ways. Genuinely erotic flashes once designed to sell tickets now showcase the narrow window that existed in popular culture between the end of prudishness and the advent of political correctness, while remaining the main reason many will still want to view.
Dir: Noel Black
Stars: Phoebe Cates, Betsy Russell, Matthew Modine, Sylvia Kristel
PRIVATE’S PROGRESS
1956
*
A university student is called up to the army.
Satirical comedy typical of the Boulting brothers that has lost a little pungency.
Dir: John Boulting
Stars: Richard Attenborough, Dennis Price, Ian Carmichael, Terry-Thomas, Thorley Walters, Ian Bannen, William Hartnell
PRIVILEGE
1967
*
A pop star's popularity is manipulated by the government and the church.
This fable may not have the skill to fully realise the potential of its interesting idea but it was not without prescience, not to mention being a possible influence on The Who’s Tommy. Its main problem is that it’s unsubtle and largely unlikely, and the lead has all the charisma of a wet crisp, but it has a distinctive look and some innovative technique.
Dir: Peter Watkins
Stars: Paul Jones, Jean Shrimpton, Mark London
THE PRIZE
1963
**
A Nobel Prize winner gets caught up in espionage.
Chase thriller that's witty and suspenseful but not quite another North By Northwest.
Dir: Mark Robson
Stars: Paul Newman, Elke Sommer, Edward G Robinson, Leo G Carroll
A PRIZE OF ARMS
1962
*
Crooks infiltrate an army barracks to steal a large amount of money.
Tense, tightly bound crime drama, perhaps a little long, that reaches an extravagant climax somewhat at odds with the measuredness that had gone before. There's a very solid, often pleasingly familiar all-male cast.
Dir: Cliff Owen
Stars: Stanley Baker, Helmut Schmid, Tom Bell, John Phillips, Patrick Magee
PRIZZI'S HONOR
1985
**
A professional hit man and hit woman fall for one another.
Assured black comedy with much to enjoy.
Dir: John Huston
Stars: Jack Nicholson, Kathleen Turner, Robert Loggia, John Randolph, William Hickey, Anjelica Huston
THE PRODUCERS
1967
**
Musical producers deliberately put on a tasteless production they think will be a flop, but the reverse comes true.
Despite a very slow start - the title sequence is interminable - this turns into one of the most characterful comedies of its era, although most of the laughs and wonderful outrageousness come in the auditions and then the performance of the play - there's a lot of yelling in offices before and after this. Pitch-perfect performances from the cast make it special.
Dir: Mel Brooks
Stars: Zero Mostel, Gene Wilder, Dick Shawn, Kenneth Mars, Lee Meredith
PROFESSOR BEWARE
1938
*
An Egyptologist is chased across the country by the police.
Lloyd's penultimate film has a few flashes of the old magic, with set-pieces atop a train and aboard a boat (the climactic fisticuffs), but it's curious how it looks worse technically than what he was making 20 years previously. One of the greats in a movie that isn't among his greats.
Dir: Elliot Nugent
Stars: Harold Lloyd, Phyllis Welch, William Frawley, Lionel Stander
PROFESSOR MARSTON AND THE WONDER WOMEN
2017
**
The story of the creator of Wonder Woman and his unusual love life.
Although it's probably far from accurate, this is a biopic worth a watch, especially for Wonder Woman fans (who may wish there was more about their heroine). It's like a well-mounted period drama with kinky asides.
Dir: Angela Robinson
Stars: Luke Evans, Rebecca Hall, Bella Heathcote, Connie Britton
PROFILE
1954
0
Murder and betrayal in a magazine's offices.
Routine programmer with a plot that's not quite dramatic or incisive enough.
Dir: Francis Searle
Stars: John Bentley, Kathleen Byron, Thea Gregory
PROJECT A
1985
*
Coast guards and pirates wage war in 19th century Hong Kong.
Madcap actioner in which the viewer can forget about the plot and revel in the terrific fight sequences.
Dir: Jackie Chan
Stars: Jackie Chan, Sammo Hung Kam-Bo, Biao Yuen, Dick Wei
PROJECT: TIN MEN
1988 (TV)
0
A robot escapes from the military that has created it.
Ultimately pointless fantasy with some clever bits, but it’s all been done before.
Dir: Karen Arthur
Stars: Hunt Block, Catherine Mary Stewart, Leon Russom
THE PROJECTED MAN
1966
0
A scientist who dabbles in laser beam technology has a terrible accident.
Flat, ordinary shocker with a weird emphasis on office politics.
Dir: Ian Curteis
Stars: Bryant Haliday, Ronald Allen, Mary Peach
PROM NIGHT
1980
0
Several years after a little girl is killed, those present at the scene of her death are stalked by a psychopath.
Woeful slasher film, a long way behind Halloween and Carrie, which it sort of melds together. The murders don't even start occurring until two thirds of the way into the movie and before that we get bland nothingness and lots - lots - of disco music; then when the butchering does occur it's pitch black; you think Nielsen's presence might provide some relief from the tedious teens, but he may as well not even be in it.
Dir: Paul Lynch
Stars: Jamie Lee Curtis, Leslie Nielsen, Casey Stevens
PROMISES..... PROMISES!
1963
0
On a cruise ship, two women fall pregnant - but are their husbands the fathers?
Low-rent comedy only notable for three topless sequences with Jayne Mansfield, the first by a major American star on film. Her unclothed scenes, which are weirdly disconnected and are repeated a few times throughout the film, are certainly preferable to the loopy lameness going on around them. Within five years the three leading stars were all dead.
Dir: King Donovan
Stars: Jayne Mansfield, Tommy Noonan, Marie McDonald, Mickey Hargitay
PROMISING YOUNG WOMAN
2020
***
A young woman revenges her friend, who was sexually molested years before.
How do some directors manage to make such sensational and totally assured debuts? (Even more remarkably, this one also wrote the original screenplay.) It's a semi-thriller with a pertinent message that is cleverly structured and always finds somewhere new to go when you fear it might run out of steam; not everything about it is subtle but it definitely highlights injustice, and does so in a vibrant, confident, sometimes electrifying manner.
Dir: Emerald Fennell
Stars: Carey Mulligan, Bo Burnham, Alison Brie, Clancy Brown
PROSPERO’S BOOKS
1991
0
An exiled magician takes revenge on his enemies.
Indecipherable nonsense jammed with this director's off-putting imagery and copious nudity. The plot creeps in near the end but by then it's too late.
Dir: Peter Greenaway
Stars: John Gielgud, Michael Clark, Michael Blanc
PROSTITUTE
1980
0
A Birmingham prostitute decides to try her luck in London.
Documentary-style look at the world's oldest profession, very gloomy and ugly; one appreciates its cinema verite intentions, but this is too rough around the edges, too vague in its narrative.
Dir: Tony Garnett
Stars: Eleanor Forsythe, Kate Crutchley, Kim Lockett
PROTOTYPE
1982 (TV)
0
An intelligent android that looks human is sought by the military.
Fair updating of the Frankenstein story.
Dir: David Greene
Stars: Christopher Plummer, David Morse, Frances Sternhagen
PROVOCAZIONE
1988
0
There is tension and intrigue between a stepmother, two teenage girls and their new tutor.
It's a shame about these kind of saucy Euro films of the Eighties in that they have the location, the storyline and the time period to do some eye-popping, titillating, daring, compelling things but usually squander it because of incompetence in all departments. Still, it's quite fun, and pleasingly bizarre at times, such as the late on scene with the mass of feathers.
Dir: Piero Vivarelli
Stars: Moana Pozzi, Marino Mase, Petra Scharbach, Hula
THE PROWLER
1951
*
A cop falls for a woman who is being plagued by a peeping Tom.
Tight little thriller that occasionally has to nudge the characters in directions they might not naturally go.
Dir: Joseph Losey
Stars: Van Heflin, Evelyn Kees, John Maxwell
PRUDENCE
1927
*
A Jewish man connives to get damages by pretending his son has been paralysed in a crash.
Fairly brisk and moderately amusing comedy short, apparently written by Stan Laurel, it has a recognisable plot and a few chortlesome moments.
Dir: Leo McCarey
Stars: Max Davidson, Johnny Fox, Martha Sleeper
THE PSYCHIC
1977
0
A woman prophesies what she believes is her own murder.
Well shot giallo that rather washes over the viewer for the most part; the final ten minutes are the best.
Dir: Lucio Fulci
Stars: Jennifer O'Neill, Gabriele Ferzetti, Marc Porel
PSYCHO
1960
****
An office worker steals money from her employer and heads to another State, stopping at an isolated motel on the way.
Hitchcock's 'black comedy' may not just be the finest film he made but the finest film ever made - as an example, what other motion picture could be slowed down to one frame per second and presented as an art exhibit, as this was in the 1990s. Donald Spoto's essay on the movie is well worth reading, highlighting as it does the pervasive use of 'double' motifs, the voyeurism implicit throughout and the suggestion that the American dream has a dark side. It almost goes without saying that the technical aspects of the film - the camerawork, the score, the performances, the scripting - are all first class.
Dir: Alfred Hitchcock
Stars: Anthony Perkins, Janet Leigh, Vera Miles, John Gavin, Martin Balsam, John McIntire, Simon Oakland
PSYCHO
1998
*
A scene for scene, almost word for word remake - it’s been claimed the project has artistic validity but cynics may disagree. The experience is effectively like watching two films at the same time (the original and this one) and is absorbing in an unusual way - obviously the fact that the 1960 film was a masterpiece helps.
Dir: Gus Van Sant
Stars: Vince Vaughn, Anne Heche, Julianne Moore, Viggo Mortensen, William H Macey, Robert Forster
PSYCHO III
1986
0
A young woman escapes her convent to stay at Bates Motel.
Routine, predictable follow-up with the subtlety and ingenuity of its predecessors replaced by a surfeit of campy humour.
Dir: Anthony Perkins
Stars: Anthony Perkins, Diana Scarwid, Jeff Fahey, Roberta Maxwell
PSYCHO IV: THE BEGINNING
1990 (TV)
0
How Norman Bates became the way he did.
Disastrous attempt at a sequel/prequel which looks cheap and nasty. There was really nowhere else the series could go.
Dir: Mick Garris
Stars: Anthony Perkins, Henry Thomas, Olivia Hussey
PSYCHO BEACH PARTY
2000
0
A female misfit gets in with some surfer beefcakes but suffers strange blackouts.
An exercise in campness, complete with theatrical performances and big dollops of gayness, that probably won’t satisfy a very wide audience, it maybe needed some songs and a few more sharp lines than it has.
Dir: Robert Lee King
Stars: Lauren Ambrose, Amy Adams, Nicholas Brendon
PSYCHOMANIA
1972
0
A magical frog allows a gang of bikers to come back to life after they commit suicide.
Barking horror with a few memorable moments (the motorcycle bursting out of the grave) among many others you’d like to forget (the ‘attack’ on the shopping centre, the hippy song when the leader is buried). In recent years it’s gained a bit of a cult reputation - which is not necessarily a good thing.
Dir: Don Sharp
Stars: Nicky Henson, George Sanders, Ann Michelle, Beryl Reid, Robert Hardy
THE PSYCHOPATH
1966
0
Men are found murdered with tiny dolls next to their corpses.
Initially intriguing shocker which descends into routine melodramatics.
Dir: Freddie Francis
Stars: Patrick Wymark, Margaret Johnston, John Standing
P’TANG YANG KIPPERBANG
1982 (TV)
**
A cricket-obsessed schoolboy falls in love with a girl in his class.
The first ever 'Film On Four', shown on the opening night of the channel, is one of the sweetest they made, an endearing and engaging hymn to the pangs of first love. The use of John Arlott's metaphorical cricket commentary is a masterstroke.
Dir: Michael Apted
Stars: John Albasiny, Abigail Cruttenden, Alison Steadman
PUBERTY BLUES
1982
*
A Sydney teenager tries to lose her virginity.
Prurient tale of adolescence which will mean a lot to some and very little to others.
Dir: Bruce Beresford
Stars: Nell Schofield, Jad Capelja, Geoff Rhoe
PROSPERO’S BOOKS
1991
0
An exiled magician takes revenge on his enemies.
Indecipherable nonsense jammed with this director's off-putting imagery and copious nudity. The plot creeps in near the end but by then it's too late.
Dir: Peter Greenaway
Stars: John Gielgud, Michael Clark, Michael Blanc
PROSTITUTE
1980
0
A Birmingham prostitute decides to try her luck in London.
Documentary-style look at the world's oldest profession, very gloomy and ugly; one appreciates its cinema verite intentions, but this is too rough around the edges, too vague in its narrative.
Dir: Tony Garnett
Stars: Eleanor Forsythe, Kate Crutchley, Kim Lockett
PROTOTYPE
1982 (TV)
0
An intelligent android that looks human is sought by the military.
Fair updating of the Frankenstein story.
Dir: David Greene
Stars: Christopher Plummer, David Morse, Frances Sternhagen
PROVOCAZIONE
1988
0
There is tension and intrigue between a stepmother, two teenage girls and their new tutor.
It's a shame about these kind of saucy Euro films of the Eighties in that they have the location, the storyline and the time period to do some eye-popping, titillating, daring, compelling things but usually squander it because of incompetence in all departments. Still, it's quite fun, and pleasingly bizarre at times, such as the late on scene with the mass of feathers.
Dir: Piero Vivarelli
Stars: Moana Pozzi, Marino Mase, Petra Scharbach, Hula
THE PROWLER
1951
*
A cop falls for a woman who is being plagued by a peeping Tom.
Tight little thriller that occasionally has to nudge the characters in directions they might not naturally go.
Dir: Joseph Losey
Stars: Van Heflin, Evelyn Kees, John Maxwell
PRUDENCE
1927
*
A Jewish man connives to get damages by pretending his son has been paralysed in a crash.
Fairly brisk and moderately amusing comedy short, apparently written by Stan Laurel, it has a recognisable plot and a few chortlesome moments.
Dir: Leo McCarey
Stars: Max Davidson, Johnny Fox, Martha Sleeper
THE PSYCHIC
1977
0
A woman prophesies what she believes is her own murder.
Well shot giallo that rather washes over the viewer for the most part; the final ten minutes are the best.
Dir: Lucio Fulci
Stars: Jennifer O'Neill, Gabriele Ferzetti, Marc Porel
PSYCHO
1960
****
An office worker steals money from her employer and heads to another State, stopping at an isolated motel on the way.
Hitchcock's 'black comedy' may not just be the finest film he made but the finest film ever made - as an example, what other motion picture could be slowed down to one frame per second and presented as an art exhibit, as this was in the 1990s. Donald Spoto's essay on the movie is well worth reading, highlighting as it does the pervasive use of 'double' motifs, the voyeurism implicit throughout and the suggestion that the American dream has a dark side. It almost goes without saying that the technical aspects of the film - the camerawork, the score, the performances, the scripting - are all first class.
Dir: Alfred Hitchcock
Stars: Anthony Perkins, Janet Leigh, Vera Miles, John Gavin, Martin Balsam, John McIntire, Simon Oakland
PSYCHO
1998
*
A scene for scene, almost word for word remake - it’s been claimed the project has artistic validity but cynics may disagree. The experience is effectively like watching two films at the same time (the original and this one) and is absorbing in an unusual way - obviously the fact that the 1960 film was a masterpiece helps.
Dir: Gus Van Sant
Stars: Vince Vaughn, Anne Heche, Julianne Moore, Viggo Mortensen, William H Macey, Robert Forster
PSYCHO II
1983
**
Norman Bates is released from the asylum 22 years after the original killings - and soon they start again.
A pretty good thriller but a long, long way from being in the same class as Hitchcock's masterpiece, which isn't surprising. Starting with the shower scene from the original (so it sets itself a bar it can never reach), it tells a twisty, if implausible, tale which is permeated by the 1960 movie and offers up a few brutal and memorable killings. Franklin was a director not capable of delivering the sort of deep, dynamic and innovative cinema that the Master was, but this is a decent, hard-trying effort and the best of the Psycho sequels.
Dir: Richard Franklin
Stars: Anthony Perkins, Vera Miles, Meg Tilly, Robert Loggia, Dennis Franz
PSYCHO III
1986
0
A young woman escapes her convent to stay at Bates Motel.
Routine, predictable follow-up with the subtlety and ingenuity of its predecessors replaced by a surfeit of campy humour.
Dir: Anthony Perkins
Stars: Anthony Perkins, Diana Scarwid, Jeff Fahey, Roberta Maxwell
PSYCHO IV: THE BEGINNING
1990 (TV)
0
How Norman Bates became the way he did.
Disastrous attempt at a sequel/prequel which looks cheap and nasty. There was really nowhere else the series could go.
Dir: Mick Garris
Stars: Anthony Perkins, Henry Thomas, Olivia Hussey
PSYCHO BEACH PARTY
2000
0
A female misfit gets in with some surfer beefcakes but suffers strange blackouts.
An exercise in campness, complete with theatrical performances and big dollops of gayness, that probably won’t satisfy a very wide audience, it maybe needed some songs and a few more sharp lines than it has.
Dir: Robert Lee King
Stars: Lauren Ambrose, Amy Adams, Nicholas Brendon
PSYCHOMANIA
1972
0
A magical frog allows a gang of bikers to come back to life after they commit suicide.
Barking horror with a few memorable moments (the motorcycle bursting out of the grave) among many others you’d like to forget (the ‘attack’ on the shopping centre, the hippy song when the leader is buried). In recent years it’s gained a bit of a cult reputation - which is not necessarily a good thing.
Dir: Don Sharp
Stars: Nicky Henson, George Sanders, Ann Michelle, Beryl Reid, Robert Hardy
THE PSYCHOPATH
1966
0
Men are found murdered with tiny dolls next to their corpses.
Initially intriguing shocker which descends into routine melodramatics.
Dir: Freddie Francis
Stars: Patrick Wymark, Margaret Johnston, John Standing
P’TANG YANG KIPPERBANG
1982 (TV)
**
A cricket-obsessed schoolboy falls in love with a girl in his class.
The first ever 'Film On Four', shown on the opening night of the channel, is one of the sweetest they made, an endearing and engaging hymn to the pangs of first love. The use of John Arlott's metaphorical cricket commentary is a masterstroke.
Dir: Michael Apted
Stars: John Albasiny, Abigail Cruttenden, Alison Steadman
PUBERTY BLUES
1982
*
A Sydney teenager tries to lose her virginity.
Prurient tale of adolescence which will mean a lot to some and very little to others.
Dir: Bruce Beresford
Stars: Nell Schofield, Jad Capelja, Geoff Rhoe
THE PUBLIC ENEMY
1931
**
A street punk makes it big in organised crime.
While this crime drama doesn't really flow as a narrative there are several arresting scenes and its whole attitude is refreshingly raw and pre-Code; it's very dated of course (and sound quality ain't great), but it did influence the majority of mob pictures that came after it, some of which also starred the irrepressible Cagney. The final scene is remarkably ghoulish and dark.
Dir: William A Wellman
Stars: James Cagney, Jean Harlow, Edward Woods, Joan BlondellPULP FICTION
1994
****
The lives of two hit men, a boxer, a gangster's wife and a criminal couple intertwine.
Supremely confident, magnetic multi-story epic that became impossible to ignore; it represents a brilliant if unlovely cinematic talent let loose to indulge his craft, which he does with gusto and passion.
Dir: Quentin Tarantino
Stars: John Travolta, Samuel L Jackson, Tim Roth, Uma Thurman, Harvey Keitel, Bruce Willis, Eric Stoltz, Rosanna Arquette, Christopher Walken
PUMPING IRON
1977
*
Documentary about body building competitions.
Diverting study of a curious obsession that happened to feature two future stars of fantasy movies and television.
Dir: George Butler, Robert Fiore
Stars: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Lou Ferrigno
THE PUMPKIN EATER
1964
**
A woman with eight children finds her third marriage is going off the rails.
Anxious adult drama peopled by unlikeable characters, with a high standard of acting, scripting, photography and sound recording, even if the final product is chilly and disquieting.
Dir: Jack Clayton
Stars: Anne Bancroft, Peter Finch, James Mason, Maggie Smith, Cedric Hardwicke, Richard Johnson, Eric Porter, Yootha Joyce
THE PUNCH AND JUDY MAN
1994
****
The lives of two hit men, a boxer, a gangster's wife and a criminal couple intertwine.
Supremely confident, magnetic multi-story epic that became impossible to ignore; it represents a brilliant if unlovely cinematic talent let loose to indulge his craft, which he does with gusto and passion.
Dir: Quentin Tarantino
Stars: John Travolta, Samuel L Jackson, Tim Roth, Uma Thurman, Harvey Keitel, Bruce Willis, Eric Stoltz, Rosanna Arquette, Christopher Walken
PULSE
1988
0
Electricity takes on a mind of its own to menace house-dwellers.
Horror fans will immediately be familiar with the paranoiac build-up and the eventual histrionics of this middling shocker which has a ridiculous plot with an absence of a proper explanation. The junior lead gives it the vibe of a movie for juniors, yet oddly it was rated 18 in the UK.
Dir: Paul Golding
Stars: Cliff De Young, Roxanne Hart, Joey Lawrence
PUMPING IRON
1977
*
Documentary about body building competitions.
Diverting study of a curious obsession that happened to feature two future stars of fantasy movies and television.
Dir: George Butler, Robert Fiore
Stars: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Lou Ferrigno
THE PUMPKIN EATER
1964
**
A woman with eight children finds her third marriage is going off the rails.
Anxious adult drama peopled by unlikeable characters, with a high standard of acting, scripting, photography and sound recording, even if the final product is chilly and disquieting.
Dir: Jack Clayton
Stars: Anne Bancroft, Peter Finch, James Mason, Maggie Smith, Cedric Hardwicke, Richard Johnson, Eric Porter, Yootha Joyce
THE PUNCH AND JUDY MAN
1963
0
A seaside entertainer is cajoled by his social-climbing wife to put on a performance for the Mayor.
Hancock was terrific on TV but here he's an irritating prat and the film a dismal failure: the plot is a sliver of nothing and there are several long scenes - the one in the ice cream parlour, the one in the pub, several in the home, and the speech by the visiting dignitary - that are tedious and pointless in the extreme. The star/co-writer's inverted snobbery, sometimes evident more subtly, here comes to the fore.
Dir: Jeremy Summers
Stars: Tony Hancock, Sylvia Sims, Ronald Fraser, John Le Mesurier
PUNCH-DRUNK LOVE
2002
**
A salesman with issues falls in love, but also has to deal with the fallout of ringing a phone sex line.
Something of a departure for both the star - who usually does more out-and-out comedies - and the director - who usually makes much longer films - this is a jerky, jittery, dark film with dynamic individual sequences that is also different to what Hollywood normally puts out. Strangely compelling if not entirely successful (some audiences would have been nonplussed), it's a peculiar enterprise, perhaps with a small similarity to Scorsese's After Hours, that may reward a second viewing.
Dir: Paul Thomas Anderson
Stars: Adam Sandler, Emily Watson, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Luis Guzman
THE PUNISHER
1990
*
An armed vigilante battles city criminals.
Based on one of the more inexplicably popular Marvel comic book characters, this serves up nearly non-stop action and doesn’t trouble the grey matter too much.
Dir: Mark Goldblatt
Stars: Dolph Lundgren, Louis Gossett Jr, Jeroen Krabbe
THE PUNISHER
2004
*
A cop goes after the men who killed his wife and child.
In some ways better than the previous version, with well-staged violent flashpoints, this still doesn’t really catch the true, cartoony Marvel feel.
Dir: Jonathan Hensleigh
Stars: Tom Jane, John Travolta, Rebecca Romijn-Stamos, Samantha Mathis, Roy Scheider
PUNISHER: WAR ZONE
2008
*
After hunting down and killing several criminals, The Punisher encounters the deadliest of them all – Jigsaw.
Demented fun for a violent night out: the appeal of films like this must be our innate desire to see justice done and baddies get blown to bits in various inventive ways. Perhaps the most liberated of the three Punisher films.
Dir: Lexi Alexander
Stars: Ray Stevenson, Dominic West, Doug Hutchison, Colin Salmon
PUNK IN LONDON
1977
*
Documentary about the thriving contemporary punk rock scene in the capital of England.
Rough and ready document of an exciting time for many (disturbing for some), full of raw performances and interviews which reveal both the naivety and exuberance of youth. More editing would have helped, along with captions and subtitles occasionally - but then again it sort of suits the untidy ethos of punk - though there's no denying how thrilling it is to see The Clash and The Jam (by far the best bands here) strut their stuff in packed, sweaty venues.
Dir: Wolfgang Buld
Stars: The Clash, The Jam, The Adverts, The Lurkers, X-Ray-Spex
PUPPET MASTER
1989
0
A dead puppeteer's creations come murderously to life.
Enjoyably absurd horror.
Dir: David Schmoeller
Stars: Paul Le Mat, William Hickey, Irene Miracle
PUPPET MASTER 2
1990
0
The puppets search for brain fluid for their master.
Feeble sequel, very short on invention and excitement.
Dir: Dave Allen
Stars: Elizabeth Maclellan, Collin Bernsen, Steve Welles
1989
0
A dead puppeteer's creations come murderously to life.
Enjoyably absurd horror.
Dir: David Schmoeller
Stars: Paul Le Mat, William Hickey, Irene Miracle
PUPPET MASTER 2
1990
0
The puppets search for brain fluid for their master.
Feeble sequel, very short on invention and excitement.
Dir: Dave Allen
Stars: Elizabeth Maclellan, Collin Bernsen, Steve Welles
THE PUPPET MASTERS
1994
*
Alien slugs arrive in America to leap onto people's backs and control their thoughts.
Fairly decent sci-fi horror that you can't help but wish had been directed by Paul Verhoeven (who of course directed an adaptation of Heinlein's Starship Troopers) - that would presumably have been full of outrageous violence and nudity that would have benefitted the outlandish story. As it is, it could have done with a doomsday ending, and the special effects and pacing are a bit lumpy, but there's some fun to be had (including Warner's theorising that the boys must be aliens because they didn't look down her top).
Dir: Stuart Orme
Stars: Donald Sutherland, Eric Thal, Julie Warner, Keith DavidPUPPET ON A CHAIN
1970
*
An American agent investigates heroin smuggling in Amsterdam.
Patchy Alastair MacLean thriller, dated in concept and appearance.
Dir: Geoffrey Reeve
Stars: Patrick Allen, Barbara Parkins, Alexander Knox
THE PURE HELL OF ST TRINIAN’S
1960
0
A Sheik recruits some of the schoolgirls for his harem.
Formless, laughless sequel which looks like it was made up as they went along. Not pure hell, but not far off.
Dir: Frank Launder
Stars: George Cole, Cecil Parker, Joyce Grenfell, Thorley Walters, Irene Handl, Dennis Price, Sid James, John Le Mesurier, Michael Ripper
PURELY BELTER
2000
*
Two boys will do anything to watch their beloved Newcastle United.
A morally dubious drama (there is never any reprimand for the boys' criminal exploits) which offers a canny snapshot of north-east working class life but mixes comedy and non-comedy to sometimes awkward effect.
Dir: Mark Herman
Stars: Chris Beattie, Greg McLane, Roy Hudd, Tim Healy, Kevin Whately
THE PURGE
2013
*
For one night a year, the law doesn't exist in America and people can do as they wish - one family suffer a particularly hellish time.
The concept behind this film is enticing but completely absurd: there a thousand reasons why this state of affairs could never have come about, and, perhaps wisely, the drama is kept small-scale: in fact, it seems that the only intention is to make a Straw Dogs-style thriller to make viewers jump, which it often succeeds in doing. Wakefield is the standout performer as the menacingly polite leader of the Manson-esque gang - that he's not in it more is as disappointing as the movie's shallowness. A decent enough suspenser, though.
Dir: James DeMonaco
Stars: Ethan Hawke, Lena Headley, Rhys Wakefield, Adelaide Kane
1970
*
An American agent investigates heroin smuggling in Amsterdam.
Patchy Alastair MacLean thriller, dated in concept and appearance.
Dir: Geoffrey Reeve
Stars: Patrick Allen, Barbara Parkins, Alexander Knox
THE PURE HELL OF ST TRINIAN’S
1960
0
A Sheik recruits some of the schoolgirls for his harem.
Formless, laughless sequel which looks like it was made up as they went along. Not pure hell, but not far off.
Dir: Frank Launder
Stars: George Cole, Cecil Parker, Joyce Grenfell, Thorley Walters, Irene Handl, Dennis Price, Sid James, John Le Mesurier, Michael Ripper
PURELY BELTER
2000
*
Two boys will do anything to watch their beloved Newcastle United.
A morally dubious drama (there is never any reprimand for the boys' criminal exploits) which offers a canny snapshot of north-east working class life but mixes comedy and non-comedy to sometimes awkward effect.
Dir: Mark Herman
Stars: Chris Beattie, Greg McLane, Roy Hudd, Tim Healy, Kevin Whately
THE PURGE
2013
*
For one night a year, the law doesn't exist in America and people can do as they wish - one family suffer a particularly hellish time.
The concept behind this film is enticing but completely absurd: there a thousand reasons why this state of affairs could never have come about, and, perhaps wisely, the drama is kept small-scale: in fact, it seems that the only intention is to make a Straw Dogs-style thriller to make viewers jump, which it often succeeds in doing. Wakefield is the standout performer as the menacingly polite leader of the Manson-esque gang - that he's not in it more is as disappointing as the movie's shallowness. A decent enough suspenser, though.
Dir: James DeMonaco
Stars: Ethan Hawke, Lena Headley, Rhys Wakefield, Adelaide Kane
PURPLE DEATH FROM OUTER SPACE
1966
0
The first half of serial Flash Gordon Conquers The Universe (qv) edited into a feature-length film.
Twenty-six years after the original came out, this probably wouldn't have looked too bad to kids, whereas another 15 years later it would have looked like ancient history to most. Wild and woolly stuff that comes to a sudden, up-in-the-air conclusion.
Dir: Ford Beebe, Ray Taylor
Stars: Buster Crabbe, Carol Hughes, Charles Middleton, Anne Gwynne
THE PURPLE ROSE OF CAIRO
1985
***
A woman is taken aback when a movie star climbs out of the screen and into her life.
One of Allen's favourites of his own films, this is an expertly judged romantic comedy which subtly says much about the difference between fantasy and reality, and a lot else besides (marriage, cinema, work, love etc). Besides its philosophising, its format allows for much amusement, perfect performances (especially Daniels in his 'twin' role, and Farrow, even when silent) and a chance for the cinematographer to capture both worlds perfectly; the movie might not be meaty but it is a little bit magical. The ending is the ending that has to be.
Dir: Woody Allen
Stars: Mia Farrow, Jeff Daniels, Danny Aiello
PURSUIT
1972 (TV)
*
Agents seek a terrorist who plans to unleash nerve gas on a city.
Reasonably suspenseful minor thriller that was Crichton's directorial debut.
Dir: Michael Crichton
Stars: Ben Gazzara, E G Marshall, Joseph Wiseman, Martin Sheen
THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS
2006
**
A determined man, left with his son after the mother leaves, determines to become a stockbroker and make a good life.
Polished biographical drama, perhaps a little too polished: sleeping in public toilets and hostels has never looked so cosy. It's also a little too long, a bit repetitive, and some of our hero's repeated failings verge on the comic, but its heart is sound and it provides professional escapist entertainment. Both pro and anti capitalists might get something from it (it's probably more pro). And thank goodness it completely ignores the subject of race - if made ten years later it wouldn't have done.
Dir: Gabriele Muccino
Stars: Will Smith, Jaden Smith, Thandie Newton, Brian Howe
PURSUIT TO ALGIERS
1945
0
Sherlock Holmes escorts the heir to a European throne back to his homeland.
Probably the very weakest of the Rathbone-Holmes films, this has a really rather odd, halting plot without much mystery, and numerous songs don't help either. The series was running out of steam but did perk up for its final two entries.
Dir: Roy William Neill
Stars: Basil Rathbone, Nigel Bruce, Marjorie Riordan, Rosalind Ivan
PUTTING PANTS ON PHILIP
1927
*
A young Scotsman in a kilt comes to America and can't keep away from the ladies.
One of the first teamings of Stan and Ollie is lacking in their soon to be familiar characteristics and the humour is in an unusual vein, but it's nevertheless a slickly edited, enthusiastically played comedy.
Dir: Clyde Bruckman
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy
PUZZLE
1974
0
A man who has lost his memory appears to be involved in a dodgy drugs deal.
Middling Italian thriller (just about a giallo) which improves after a slow and confusing start - later on there is some nice imagery (the arm slashing etc) and the odd suspenseful moment (will the cast-off cast be discovered?). There are a few unintentionally funny moments and the whole dodgy dubbing effect is as woozy-fying as it often can be.
Dir: Duccio Tessari
Stars: Senta Berger, Luc Merenda, Umberto Orsini, Anita Strindberg
PYGMALION
1938
***
A professor attempts to turn a flower girl into a lady.
Celebrated comedy of class distinction later turned into My Fair Lady - the action here is more concise and pointed.
Dir: Anthony Asquith, Leslie Howard
Stars: Leslie Howard, Wendy Hiller, Wilfrid Lawson, Marie Lohr
